Home > Relationships, Samurai Reflections > The Katana: Don’t Be All Things To All People

The Katana: Don’t Be All Things To All People

You can’t be all things to all people.  Try and do everything for all your clients, and you will surely fail due to burn out or poor service.  Instead, focus on what you can do, set expectations on what you can’t do, and forge forward.

Alienation is just a natural part of progress.  Don’t pretend to agree with someone’s view or like someone just because they are popular.  This site won’t appeal to everybody, and it never will.  Rather, identify the things that matter most to you, and seek those who hold your same values.

It’s tough though, I know.  We want everyone to like us, so we promise everyone everything.  We pretend like we don’t care when someone is late, or doesn’t sing our praises after we’ve sung theirs.  It stings, but we have to brush it off and move forward.  Start caring about your own principles, and stop caring about what others think of you.

Although we can’t please everyone, we should always respect our elders.  We think we know it all in our twenties and discount the advice from those in their thirties and beyond.  When we’re in our thirties, we really stop listening.  Sit down with your parents or more experienced friends every so often and just ask them for advice.  Their opinions are priceless because chances are, they went through exactly what you’ve been through.  Cherish them!

Readers, have you ever had a time when you tried to do everything for everyone and failed?  Why do you think the younger you always thinks we know everything?  If someone has been there before, doesn’t it behoove us to listen?

HIGHLIGHT POSTS FROM AROUND THE WEB

* “Garbage City – Now That’s Entrepreneurialism” from Frugal Zeitgeist provides a wonderful story about those in Cairo making do with what they have.  Fantastic photos Forest!

* “I Don’t Need A Mentor” by Jun Loayza gives insight on what I do recommend everyone get.  Jun just defines mentor differently.

* “Life Isn’t Fair.  Get Over It.” by Investor Junkie makes a point to stop fussing and start getting on with it.  “The Sneetches” video from Dr. Seuss was an excellent analogy.  Who do you think Sylvester and the Sneetches are in real life?

* “Unemployment & Motivation: A Case Study” by Roger is an excellent, and incredibly genuine self-reflection of how Rog feels about finding work while getting unemployment checks.  The article is so good MSN picked it up!  Another Yakezie member making the group proud.

Keiju,

Sam @ Financial Samurai – “Slicing Through Money’s Mysteries”

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  1. March 21st, 2010 at 01:35 | #1

    Great advice. Nothing compares to experience in life. The people who have that experience are just those with age. Unfortunately almost all of us have to learn some lessons the hard way, but it allows us to become wiser. People who never learn from their mistakes are just plain stupid. Simple as that.

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  2. March 21st, 2010 at 05:15 | #2

    Thank you for sharing this advice. This is good to know also when you are blogging. Don’t just write an article because it is popular, write it because you mean it or you are passionate about it.

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  3. March 21st, 2010 at 08:47 | #3

    Now if I could just remember that with my personal relationships. I waste too much time on that. Then, I realize about 5 years in that putting all my time forth to make other people happy just isn’t working. And it’s over to go jump about life again. You would think I would learn from my mistakes. NOT. LOL. My bad.

    I think one could gain so much momentum if they just focused what they are good at. Like my friend says, ‘you don’t get your brain til you are in your 30s’. I have to agree, because that is about when one realizes its time to focus and believe in one’s self. To make things happen.
    .-= Money Funk´s last blog ..Traveling with Teens/Tweens =-.

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    Jeremy Johnson Reply:

    Have to agree with ya Money Funk, about not using the brain until the 30s. Same experience with me. I’ve tried to please everyone before in my life and it just spreads me way too thin to do anything worthwhile and specific.
    .-= Jeremy Johnson´s last blog ..The Insightful Valerie Mondesir =-.

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  4. Locker
    March 21st, 2010 at 10:36 | #4

    It really is tough not trying to please everyone. Saying “NO” is harder than saying “YES.”

    There are a lot of ignorant kids out there in their teens and 20′s who think they know it all. They disregard what others say, b/c they think they have all the answers. The lack of respect for elders in American culture is a shame. The west has a lot to learn from the east in this regard.

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    admin Reply:

    You’re right, it is harder to say No than Yes! Good future post topic! It is a shame some don’t listen to their elders. But, I think they’ll learn over time.

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  5. March 21st, 2010 at 10:59 | #5

    Thanks a million for the link love, I enjoyed making that post a lot…. My partner went back again and learned even more about the place so I may do a follow up in a few weeks with more detail on how they do stuff.

    As for the doing everything, I struggled with this for ages and did find myself messing client work up… Now if I can’t do it I say straight up. If they want to pay for my efforts that’s fine but if I can’t do it in a reasonable time I just help them find an expert that can.
    .-= Forest´s last blog ..FREE DOWNLOAD -Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us by Seth Godin =-.

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  6. March 21st, 2010 at 11:00 | #6

    I should add I totally agree with the listening to elders thing…. they have seen it and done it, can’t beat that!
    .-= Forest´s last blog ..FREE DOWNLOAD -Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us by Seth Godin =-.

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  7. March 21st, 2010 at 11:37 | #7

    Learning your limitations, and when you should say no, comes easier with age. It is also easier if your have a strong moral compass, then it is easier to make those choices that don’t agree.

    The difficult job is making your choice known to the other person, with minimal hurt feelings-not always possible, but worth trying for.

    Then, just letting it go, don’t get into a doom loop, worrying about it endlessly.
    Just let it go!!!!
    .-= Dr Dean´s last blog ..Change of Shift is Up! Go Read a few Great Nursing Stories =-.

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  8. March 21st, 2010 at 11:57 | #8

    Behoove! I like that word =)

    I agree that we shouldn’t be trying to please others, because if you don’t take care of your own needs, how can you take care of others’ needs well?

    There is indeed a tremendous lack of respect for elders in our society currently. I’m in my 20′s and I try to be cognizant to listening to my elders and heeding their experiential advice. =)
    .-= youngandthrifty´s last blog ..Carnival of the Young and Thrifty Edition #3 =-.

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    admin Reply:

    Sounds good Y&T! For the most part, I find our elders like to share their advice and experiences as well. We don’t have to follow, but at least we should listen!
    .-= admin´s last blog ..Sometimes Saving Money Is About Principle =-.

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  9. March 21st, 2010 at 15:02 | #9

    It’s really as simple as do unto others as you would have done unto you. Do that and everything else falls into place accordingly.
    .-= Matt Jabs´s last blog ..DFA Weekly Link Rally: Saving Money to Repay Debt in Lump Sums =-.

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  10. March 21st, 2010 at 15:10 | #10

    hmm… ahem… elder speaking here :-) so listen up!

    #1. I think it is natural for us to want to be liked and therefore eagerly agreeing to everything, especially in our teen years and then in the early years of employment.

    #2. There actually comes a year (for some it is earlier than others, for some it may never come), but it is a year when you are finally comfortable with who you are, warts and all. In other words you now know yourself and begin to make decisions based on your values, not on what others will say or think or expect. A funny thing happens: more people will look to you as someone with integrity, they will begin to trust you, and you will be thrust into leadership roles (don’t make the mistake of accepting each one) … and then there will be a previously ambivalent group that will actually hate your guts. Get over it.

    #3. A long time ago as I was l was leaving my place of employment. I was leaving for Canada. On my last day at my farewell luncheon, my boss gave me two pieces of advice that I have treasured:

    - When going to any function, arrive early, make sure you connect with everyone that is important while they are still sober so that they remember you; then, leave early before everyone gets drunk and drags you down with them. Protect your reputation, it is the most valuable asset that you own.
    - Beware of the man (or woman) of whom everyone speaks with glowing admiration – such a person is too concerned with pleasing everyone and therefore, more than likely either has no firm values of his own, or does not care enough about them to stand up to those who are in direct opposition, in other words, a son-of-a-bitch is not necessarily a son-of-a-bitch.

    #4. When my children were growing up, especially at that magical age of 18, when they are most likely to tell you that you know nothing, I sat them down, each in different years, and told them they better do all the things they want to do now, while they are still 18 and know everything, because as they get older they will lose their smarts and eventually will know nothing, just like their mother. You could have heard a pin drop. But I like to think it kind of stuck with them.
    .-= Valentina´s last blog ..Sunday Morn Musings: Big Is NOT Beautiful! =-.

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    admin Reply:

    Wow, I learned A LOT from your comment Valentina! Your ex-boss was very insightful. I will be aware of the one who over praises, as well as tactfully enter an exit a function!

    I love your point #4. Oh my, you are so wise. Hope your children took your advice to heart and are doing well because of it! Imagine if every stubborn child had that kind of advice.

    Thnx again!
    .-= admin´s last blog ..Treat Your Job As If You Won The Lottery =-.

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  11. March 21st, 2010 at 15:27 | #11

    Thanks for mentioning my post ;-)
    .-= Investor Junkie´s last blog ..Life Isn’t Fair. Now Get Over It. =-.

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  12. March 21st, 2010 at 15:34 | #12

    I think you feel like you know everything because you are “on top of your game” at this point. Young, and in charge. Full of youth, vigor, energy (sometimes), you don’t need some guy that’s close to retirement slowing you down.

    I have had a few times at work that I took on a bit too much work, trying to prove both to myself and my bosses that I can do no wrong. Of course I had to end up asking for help, but the lesson learned was great.

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    admin Reply:

    It seems kinda ridiculous someone still in college or in their 20′s are “on top of their game”. Maybe if they are playing professional basketball or tennis, but as far as I know, must 20-somethings are at the bottom of their game, junior employees at their firms, rookies in the d-league etc.
    .-= admin´s last blog ..Treat Your Job As If You Won The Lottery =-.

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  13. March 21st, 2010 at 18:18 | #13

    When I was younger, I felt the need to please everyone. Now, I just stay true to myself. It doesn’t mean I don’t care, but there’s only so much of me to go around, you know?

    But I have to say, as I’ve gotten older, I love to ask my father for his opinions and advice, because I truly value them and know he has much more world experience than I do. I do a lot of listening in my 30s!
    .-= RainyDaySaver´s last blog ..Saturday Link Love: Spring Is in the Air Edition =-.

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    admin Reply:

    I do a lot of listening now in my 30s as well. It feels like an important time period to really listen up, to mess up the 2nd half of our lives!
    .-= admin´s last blog ..The Mental To Physical Connection For A Healthier Lifestyle =-.

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  14. Charlie
    March 22nd, 2010 at 17:39 | #14

    Each of us will always think we’re right and know what’s best. Call it the stubborn side of human nature. We’ll always think we know more than people younger than us and that we have so many more life experiences, but that isn’t true all the time. It’s like when you’re a high school senior you think you’re on top of the world and know SO much more than the measly freshman…but did we really? looking back, I’d say no not really. Maybe we knew more about dating and parties but we really weren’t so different. In any case, I’m all for respecting our elders. Even though younger people can seem so different from us and hard to relate to at times, I try to take in advice from younger folks too – we’ve all had very different life experiences, and some people just happen to come across bridges, road blocks, and life changing experiences earlier in life.

    [Reply]

  15. Erica Smith
    March 24th, 2010 at 23:38 | #15

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    [Reply]

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