Financial Samurai

Wow, that screams “PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!!” to me!!!!!! I hope Peter’s planning on some serious premarital counseling beforehand. If he’s still insistent on moving forward, then maybe he should consider a prenup. I’m not usually a big fan of those, but in this case……….

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 5:56 pm

Prenup, now that’s a very worth blogging topic to write about!

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Maybe you are being harsh?

It seems as if the last four years of their relationship set the tone for her question. Few people are just crazy; is it possible he has set certain financial expectations throughout their relationship?

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 5:57 pm

Maybe I am. That’s why I’m asking for help!

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Samurai, I want to smack Nancy. 1.2 carats is not enough?? Come on! I have been married almost 20 years now, and I think my ring is only 1/3 of a carat and I couldn’t care less. My husband saved during college to pay for that ring and really worked hard for it. That means a lot more to me than some other replacement stone. Not to mention, Nancy already has a pretty big rock for an already petite hand.

I sense a post coming…

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 5:58 pm

I think the average carat size in NYC is 2.0 carat, so SF must be close to like 1.5 if so!

Glad you are satisfied with what you have! Don’t go getting any ideas now after this post ya hear?

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Everyday Tips Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 4:37 am

Trust me, I have no desire to get another ring. I would rather get my driveway replaced! However, I may have to write a post referencing this one. I will have to think…

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 6:10 am

Lol, classic! Driveway replaced and new roof and kitchen! That might cost too much more than a ring though.

Yea, that sounds pretty high maintenance to me. I hope he knows what he’s getting into!

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I hope she’s joking, but she does sound high maintenance. It sounds like your friend is ok with that. As long as he knows, then it’s his call.

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 5:58 pm

Not joking at all!

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I think your friend Peter needs to open his eyes! If she’s already wanting an “upgrade”, who knows what she’ll want next. Maybe his condo won’t be good enough for her; Peter will have to “upgrade” their living situation stat. In the end, who cares about the ring? It’s the relationship that’s much more important. Will theirs last 5, 10, or even 20 years?

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 5:59 pm

Or, maybe she’ll just start appreciating what she has? Works both ways! But right now, Peter is thrilled b/c he’s getting a lot more action now than ever before! :)

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Obviously she’s being a huge b****. I don’t like the idea of upgrading at all (because I think the engagement ring should have sentimental value and changing the ring seems weird to me), but I’m not in that position yet.

Still, 2 months is way too soon, she needs to relax and enjoy it before asking for something else.

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 5:59 pm

Tell me how you really feel.

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I have to say that this does throw up some warning signs for me. I would highly suggest pre-marital counseling, and at the very least talking about their feelings and expectations when it comes to money, family and other hot button issues – BEFORE getting married. If they don’t, they’re destined to have many issues come up down the line.

As far as upgrading – when we were married 8 years ago I bought my wife a decent diamond wedding ring for about 2k. She was happy with it, but this year, 8 years into our marrige, I upgraded the ring for her to include the original diamond, but adding new diamonds to the side of it in a new setting. Total cost now – 5k. The difference is that we’ve been married for quite some time now, and the upgrade was more of a celebration of our 8 years married, than a required upgrade just because.

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 6:00 pm

I have NEVER heard of pre-marital counseling. Is that kinda fooked up if you need counseling before marriage? Or maybe it’s actually very very healthy!

Why upgrade after 8 years and not 5 or 10 years? I like you keeping the original and just adding. That’s nice.

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Money Smarts Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 6:13 pm

You’ve NEVER heard of it? Really? :) It’s very healthy, it allows the couple to talk more in depth about topics they might not otherwise, and which might cause issues.

As far as why 8 years – i had said 5 years i was going to upgrade the ring, but i kept putting it off. So now here we are at 8 years, and the ring is now upgraded. :)

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Nicole Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 6:13 pm

My church required pre-marital counseling for us to have a church wedding! I think it’s a great idea.

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 7:02 pm

Smart Church! Hope it helps! They should change the word from “counseling” to pre-marital bliss talk.

Paul Williams Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 7:07 pm

Wow, you’ve really never heard of premarital counseling? Maybe it’s a church thing… Anyway, I think it’s an excellent way to talk through some of the topics you might not typically cover during the dating years. At any rate, it can set up a good foundation for clear and open communication.

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youngandthrifty Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 8:44 pm

A lot of my friends HAD to go to premarital counseling (and pay for it) in order to get married at that particular church.

Amber - Blonde and Balanced Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 9:55 am

Yep, same here – we have to take marriage “classes” to get married in the Catholic church. It is pretty common nowadays and I think it is a good thing.

P.S. We had to take a test before our class and one of the subjects was personal finance. My fiancé and I got 100% compatibility in personal finance (woot!) and our priest said that most couples score the lowest in that area – WOW!

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Rob Ward Reply:
September 18th, 2010 at 6:37 pm

Never heard of pre-marital counseling? I suppose it is more common in religious circles (Catholic, Christian or otherwise) as it were. It was great for us.

My wife’s ring was 1/10th the cost of Nancy’s ring. A ring at half the cost would be an upgrade! I think I might upgrade for her on one of our anniversaries. But we’ve only been married four years (and still have quite a bit of debt) so it will be a while.

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Dude….make sure you wedding gift is discounted for the fact that you’ll be going to a second wedding sometime in the future.

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 6:02 pm

LOL, awesome! I’ll be sure to remember this!

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Engagement ring upgrade? That’s a new one for me, although I have heard of buying a ring with cubic zerconia (with the wife’s blessing, of course) and replacing it with a real diamond down the road when the guy has more descretionanry income. Sounds like some 1st world problems to me.

@Evan…. Haha! That’s pretty harsh, but may be the truth!

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Wow..I’ve thought about upgrading my setting and am too cheap to do so. I can’t imagine wanting to upgrade a $10K diamond. Her financial IQ ranks as imbecile in my book.

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 6:03 pm

But all her girlfriends have 1.5 carats and above! What to do?

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Sandy L Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 6:52 pm

Go down in color or clarity..but get a bigger diamond at the same price.

I have a friend who’s wife specifically requested a big rock and said that people don’t usually notice the flaws or color, but they do notice the size.

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 7:18 am

Hmmm… maybe, but ironically that could be more vain. 90% of the women I know want quality over carat size.

Weird! How can you possibly think you need an upgrade on a $10,000 ring? If she was serious, he’s in some serious trouble!

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I hate the idea of an engagement ring upgrade. I even hate the idea that you HAVE to spend a certain amount on an engagement ring. When my now-husband and I first went ring shopping I had my heart set on something very non-traditional, and also much less expensive, than the traditional engagement ring route. As a result, when we were in shops salespeople continually said, ‘oh you can always upgrade in a few years’. As a result I could never convince my husband to go the non-traditional route.

I strongly believe that an engagement ring is a gift and should predominately be the guys decision. It should also be the guys decision as to whether or not the ring is ever upgraded, because it is a gift. For me, I am very sentimental, and never ever want an ‘upgrade’.

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 6:03 pm

That’s a bad salesman line “you can always upgrade in a few years”, meaning that what you got isn’t good enough. Bad sales!

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My buddy fell into that trap, tell your buddy to run!!!

Now 10 years later and with 3 kids in tow, his now ex-wife drove them to a debt level of over $70,000. And this was after they declared bankruptcy (TWICE!!!).

Sometimes the packages with the nicer, prettier, wrapping paper is to hide the crummy content that is inside ;)

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 6:04 pm

Yikes! But at least your buddy got to hook up THREE TIMES with his ex-wife!

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youngandthrifty Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 8:48 pm

I like your analogy about nicer prettier wrapping paper to hide the crummy content inside! haha..
have you heard that song by Outkast?

“Roses really do smell like POoooooOOooOOoO!!”

haha!

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Money Reasons Reply:
September 16th, 2010 at 8:37 am

:) yeah, it’s true though!

I haven’t heard that Outkast song in a long time. I think that’s the one where he said shake it like a polaroid picture? lol…

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None of your business… and will probably bite you if you try to interfere now. Be there for him during the divorce.

Somehow I don’t think she’ll go for a pre-nup, even if you get him to suggest one.

You sure he doesn’t want to find some nice PhD economist? I know a ton in their late 20s to mid-30s who are still single (we spend our young attractive years in graduate school with male economists, who are not generally husband material) and would never act like that. None of them live in SF though– that must be where all the single guys over 30 (who aren’t emotionally messed up) are.

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 6:05 pm

Hmmm, why aren’t male PhD economists husband material?? Do elaborate!

I have only met a handful of female PhD economists. Too smart for me. :p

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Nicole Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 6:12 pm

Well, for one thing, they tend to trade in their wives for a newer model once the old one becomes out-dated.

Many of them also take the self-interested rational actor model a bit too much to heart.

Some of them are quite nice, but they tend to start in graduate school engaged or married.

Me, I snagged myself a nice techie long before even thinking about graduate school.

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 7:03 pm

But if PhD economists are all geeks, and don’t make that much money, how are they able to get newer models, or models to begin with??

Nicole Reply:
September 18th, 2010 at 1:02 pm

I could have sworn I replied to this already.

A. PhD economists are many things but they are not geeks.
B. PhD economists can make quite a lot of money. Especially when it is time for a newer model.

Advice – run. This woman sounds like a loon. The engagement ring isn’t supposed to be solely a show of wealth (if at all, but let’s be real); it’s supposed to have sentimental value. If my wife lost her ring today, she’d be devastated. It’s insured and I’d buy her one as large or larger. But it’s not the SAME ring I gave her when I proposed.

People get themselves into some really stupid situations. By your description, my over/under on this guy’s marriage is 2.5 years. Let me know in early 2013 how he’s doing.

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Diamonds are a terrible investment. Supply is controlled via a cartel, if the supply was unregulated, prices would plummet.

I got my wife a very simple ring when I proposed to her- it was only about $300 or so, we got a nicer engagement ring in Singapore for about $500 that we were both happy with.

The wedding ring was closer to $1000 but is with white gold and some good looking diamonds.

The old commercials of 2 months salary for an engagement ring is just plain hogwash. 1/2 a day’s worth of salary should be enough.

By any chance is Nancy a women of Asian descent?

-Mike

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 7:01 pm

Donno Mike… if you make $350,000 a year, maybe $500-$1,000 is not enough and she will secretly wish you got her more? I think this would be a fascinating questions to ask women about this scenario.

Nancy is Caucasian.

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Mike Hunt Reply:
September 16th, 2010 at 7:36 pm

I asked the wife about this Sam and she is happy with what she got. I guess that’s why we are married :-)

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WOW, that is shocking. That sounds like a red flag to me. If someone asked me for an upgrade after proposing 2 months prior I would be 1) horrified 2) hurt 3) angry. As far as whether or not to tell him he should reconsider marrying her I’d have to know more background info as that’s a tough call. If they’d never had any discussions about getting married and what kind of rings she liked before he proposed then I might be able to understand a little about her asking but I highly doubt that’s the case, esp if they’ve been together for 4 years. B/c she’s not making that much money herself and he’s not crazy rich I think her asking him, esp that soon!, is a total slap in the face. I agree with Paul – proceed with caution and get a prenup!

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 14th, 2010 at 8:10 pm

That’s what I was thinking. If my wife asked me for an upgrade within the first say…. 5 years minimum, if not 10 years…. I would be really sad :( It’s the thought and process of getting the ring that counts. It’s the one and only ring that was used in the wedding and during the proposal! No rock can beat it!

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Wow- asking for an upgrade? She sounds really high maintenance. That’s pretty good pay for an aerobics instructor- but I guess it is at a private club. I guess as long as they are both happy… (your friend Peter seems super happy to have eye candy hanging off his arm)

I have an acquaintance who bought his high maintenance FIRST girlfriend (ever) and fiance a $35K ring. Yes, you read that right.

Yowza!! Talk about high maintenance. You can buy a nice fully loaded car for that amount!!

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 7:19 am

The question is, did she want the 35K type ring, or was he just being super generous?

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youngandthrifty Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 8:45 pm

She wanted an expensive ring, and he was using the 3x your monthly salary rule. He’s making a bit of money (maybe about 8K a month), but it still went over the 3x salary.

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smart money Reply:
October 11th, 2010 at 11:28 pm

10k on a ring isn’t generous(it’s not that bad either)but if he’s in his late 30s with that level of income, it probably didn’t feel satisfactory for her. He probably should have spent about 20k imo. But for her to ask for an upgrade, that’s pretty rude and inconsiderate. What happened to romance….
The amount you spend on a ring really depends on your age, your income, your asset balance and the size+quality of the rings paraded by the ladies in your social circle. Imagine Donald Trump buying Melania Knauss a $10k ring…would Melania be happy? Not when he has that level of wealth/income and the social circle they hang around has women wearing $200k plus type of rings.

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Amber - Blonde and Balanced Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 9:49 am

I was thinking the same thing – that is great pay for an aerobics instructor! I used to teach group exercise part-time and there was no way I would have made that if I ever went full-time.

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These things can be pretty important to women. Can your friend sell the first engagement rings so he wouldn’t have to spend so much on the “upgrade”? XP

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Diamonds aren’t investments, and aren’t worth anything. Diamonds are the biggest scam ever! Maybe she needs to be educated on that. I would buy my wife an expensive watch, or gold something before a bigger ring. They have much more value than some dumb rock.

I gave my wife her grandma’s wedding ring, which meant much more than a $10k+ ring.

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 7:11 am

How were you able to give your wife her grandma’s wedding ring? Wasn’t it your wife’s to begin with?

Diamond/water paradox in full effect!

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Investor Junkie Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 1:19 pm

Yup. Also FYI, I’m not seeing replies from your site.

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 5:25 pm

Eh? Replies from my site?

Investor Junkie Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 5:28 pm

I got this one hmm…

the woman by asking for a ring upgrade is just testing the guy, checking his mojo. To pass the test, he need not take her seriously. He can agree, but then ignore the request, agree to get her a 10 carat diamond as soon as they go on sale at Walmart, or say something to the effect that she better work and save to get whatever her girly heart desires. It should be something that involve some humor, rather than a rational justification.

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 7:20 am

Hmmm, that may be! If he gives in, she might believe he has NO SPINE! Why are women so difficult on men?

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I have never heard of an engagement ring upgrade. The thought wouldn’t even have occured to me. When my husband and I went looking for rings, I had a few preferences but the most important thing to me was what it meant, not the size. Plus changing the ring would ruin it’s sentimentality.

When it comes to your friend, he has been with her for four years and I would think this is not the first time she has requested additional luxury. You would think he would know what she is like and what he is getting into but I have been love struck myself before and not always paid attention to the “whole person”. I have found I have made excuses and in the end been uphappy and we have broken up. I think that this should be a warning sign to your friend that his girlfriend may be marrying him for his money and not for the right reasons. However, she could just be really into the “glamourous” look and love him dearly.

So you don’t ruin your friendship, I would approach this cautiously with probing questions so you don’t offend him. The last thing you want is a problem between the two of you. Try to suggest some things subtly like readdressing the upgrade thing with his fiance. Maybe she will be ok without one. Maybe he can explain to her that the money would be better spent on other parts of their future.

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I think the idea behind an “upgrade” stems from years ago when a man would buy his intended a small ring because that was all he could afford, and years later when financially they were more secure, he would upgrade the ring. The idea was that after years together, she will finally get what she is “worth.”

But initial rings now are much larger and higher quality. And to go into a marriage with the idea that you will AUTOMATICALLY get another ring is absurd.

I got my ring almost 14 years ago. It is .76 carats, has 2 carbon spots, and is a lower level color and clarity. We have talked about renewing our vows, and I would like to get an anniversary band (which now seems to be what many women wear as their primary wedding band). And the one I would like is about 1 carat (maybe 1.5 if we could swing it). But this will probably be closer to our 15th wedding anniversary in 2013.

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Married for a year and I’m changing my wife’s rings out already… to be fair, I had a family friend who’s a long-time jeweler make the rings but according to mi corazon, he did not do a very good job with the craftsmanship. Thankfully, she’s happy with the 1.3 carat diamond that came with the band, so I’m safe on that front.

Still, I’m glad I didn’t marry a Korean American… all of the ones I know expect at least a 2 carat rock in a Tiffany or Neil Lane setting.

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mj Reply:
September 17th, 2010 at 8:17 am

chubbuni13, I’m sure all the Korean American women you know are glad they didn’t marry you, as well.

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What a waste of money these expensive rings are! Use the money to buy urself some dividend paying stocks instead of a ring that will end up sitting in the bank’s safe.

On the other hand, your friend is blinded by love, good luck talking sense into him!

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Amber - Blonde and Balanced Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 9:46 am

I have to disagree that they are a waste of money :) I don’t necessarily agree with spending $10K on one, but I do think that some money should be spent on something that symbolizes your life-time commitment to one another.

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Mich@BeatingTheIndex Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 12:18 pm

I can’t disagree with you there Amber, that’s why i said “expensive rings” since like you said in the end it symbolizes a life commitment.

In my case, me and my wife no longer wear any rings, and i am glad we didn’t pay more than 500$ for them since u know where they’re sitting now. life-time commitment is more than rings on a finger.

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He needs to break off the engagement immediately, and ask for the ring back. My bet is she won’t give it to him, at which point he is out 10K. This is a ***bargain*** to not get married to the wrong woman. (Trust me, I know)

If she does give it back, and is apologetic, and says the right things, then they can start down that road again.

If he does decide to go through with it with this girl, he definitely needs a pre-nup.

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First of all, Nancy gives woman a BAD reputation. I can’t belive she is even asking for an upgrade, not to mention this fast. I got engaged about 3 months ago and from the moment I laid eyes on the ring that my fiancé had spent so much time, effort, and money on, I was in love with it! The ring is so perfect because he put so much thought into it and it was an unconditionally selfless gift to me because we love one another.

So, no, there is never a time to upgrade. My ring means so much to me and I could care less what the size of it is – it has so much more meaning than the way it looks.

I have to agree – Peter should run, and run fast!

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My husband gave me a .5 carat diamond ring, and I am in love with it. I would never even think of replacing it, no matter how long we’re together. He saved up cash for my ring, and for that reason, it is very important to me. Thirty years from now, I want to be wearing this same diamond!

Don’t try to talk sense into him. It won’t do any good, and if they’ve been together for four years, he probably knows what she’s like. Plus, his saying that she wouldn’t get an upgrade for 10 years shows that he’s not blindly following her around like a lovesick puppy. I think you need to let him make his own mistake. And who knows? Maybe getting taken advantage of financially is a worthy trade for having a hot aerobics instructor on his arm. If that’s the case, that’s his business.

Related story, Mr. Red gave me a necklace for Christmas, and the chain broke. He wanted to take it in for a new chain, claiming that if they repaired it it would be a weaker chain. I refused. I didn’t want some replacement chain. I wanted the exact one I unwrapped for Christmas, the one that he picked out. I can’t imagine the kind of woman who would demand a replacement ring – especially for a $10,000 diamond! I think I read that Peter makes $350,000 a year in one of your comments? I can understand someone feeling like they weren’t worth as much to a person if her guy spent an insignificant amount (to him, anyway) on a very important ring.

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I think it’s good that you expressed your caution as to why this girl is asking for an upgrade so early in the engagement! Shoot, I think many people are agreeing with you Sam!

The sad thing is is that Peter is in love and if he thinks that Nancy is a gift sent down from heaven, I doubt he’ll really see this as a flaw. Maybe his desire to be married weighs more than upgrading her engagement ring. That’s the life he wants…maybe not so much for someone else, but for him…yeah, it’s ok to ask for an engagement ring upgrade.

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OMG-This one is right up my alley. FS, I am sooooo with you on this one. Dump the woman now while you still can-unless you value a greedy me me me me wife, and if so, then by all means keep her!

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Wow. Only 2 months in eh? Sounds like a stretch to me. I would wait at least 10 years before even considering an upgrade. At least wait to reach the wedding altar before requesting an upgrade!!! Something smells fishy about this lady if you ask me. Like the first commenter said “PROCEED WITH CAUTION”.

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I see TWO red flags waving here. First is little Miss Gold-digger on the make for a bigger rock. Second is your friend, who said one thing in answer to her update question, replying that she could have anything she wanted, but instead was thinking another — that there was no way she was getting that rock before 20 years. So if they tie the knot, the harping on a bigger ring will start right away and if he thinks he can handle that kind pressure for 20 years it doesn’t sound like a heck of a lot of fun and games to me. Then again in an odd way they may be made for each other. She’s greedy and he’s not truthful.

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What would you do if you were me?

–> Hmm, that’s a toughie. Peter’s probably getting some things in his life right now that it might be worth paying the $$$ for. So if he gets some needs satisfied and can afford it, more power to him. At the same time though, you should make him aware that a girl asking for an upgrade for a ring might not last. But wait until the honeymoon is over at least to do that :)

Am I being overly dramatic for thinking that Nancy is one stuck up, high maintenance woman who is going to ruin Peter’s life down the road?

–> Yes and no. No because she is asking for an upgrade to a ring and they’ve just been engaged. That’s a warning signal. But on the other hand yes, because how many chances at love (and lust) do certain guys get in their life? It might just be worth more than the right and then some to Peter.

Is there ever a right time to ask for an engagement ring upgrade?

Of course there is. If you’re a hot powerful babe and you know you can get it, more power to you. And the guy your with is going to get his $$$ worth, so it’s a fair trade. On the other hand, the rational side of me says no way. It’s just a dumb rock. Think of the computer upgrades you could by with 10K in cash.

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 6:22 pm

What do you mean “getting his $$$ worth”?

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Everyday Tips Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 6:35 pm

Samurai – you aren’t serious, are you??? :)

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 15th, 2010 at 6:59 pm

I donno. I’m naive. :)

Jeremy Johnson Reply:
September 16th, 2010 at 7:36 pm

Hahaha Sam. Guys should know the answer to this, it’s in most of our DNA I would think ;)

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We should all mind our own business. Anyway, marrying for money and material things is not easy on a day to day (night to night?) basis. Nancy deserves everything she can get from a dope buying a pretty woman who probably wouldn’t give him the time of day otherwise. Apparently Peter is marrying for ‘love’ so he is spending his money to get what he wants.

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Dude needs to upgrade his wife. Pronto!

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She sounds pretty superficial. My engagement ring is 1/2 carat and although wouldn’t mind having 1 carat, it really doesn’t matter enough to me to upgrade it…ever.

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I really hope for his sake she is playing around! He may end up old, single and broke unless he grows a backbone….. $10g on a ring, man that could buy so much more. Could go in a trust fund for a kids college, buy a hospital in a poor village in Africa…. She should be more than thankful!

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 19th, 2010 at 7:59 am

Indeed, we should all be a little more thankful. Everytime I’m starving, I think about who is REALLY starving in the world, and shut the hell up in my mind and never utter a word. I stopped complaining about anything openly once 911 hit either. Let’s be strong.

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Sam –

First of all, I cringe at 37 being “older”, as I’m knocking on the doorstep of 40:)

Ok, but beyond that, I think your friend is not thinking clearly at all – based on how you describe the situation. He seems to lack confidence in his ability to meet a nice girl.

This girl seems materialistic, and perhaps views him as an ATM? If not, she sure seems high-maintenance.

Frankly, the honest advice, based on what you’re sharing, would be for this guy to walk away now. Not walk, actually, but RUN. Run for the hills, up north in Marin county:)

Might be harsh, but I think your friend is smitten and doesn’t see these warning signs in front of him. She won’t get any less high maintenance; there will be higher expectations down the road. Get out now, to protect himself. Let her find someone else to extract from.

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Financial Samurai Reply:
September 23rd, 2010 at 5:26 pm

Yeah, but like I said, he’s getting a lot of action! More action than he ever dreamed, since he was gonna just GIVE UP after age 35!

40 is the new 20s!

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Alright I understand how everyone can be freaking out calling her names and saying it’s a red flag, but really I don’t think it is. To start off with 1.2 carats is small, my bf got me a 1 carat diamond promise ring with side stones (not sure the carat sizes) because we can’t get married right now and I wear it like an engagement ring. Also, he got me that ring right now and he doesn’t even earn that much (he’s a soldier) which goes to show a guy doesn’t have to bring us the biggest rock, but it is nice to see them try and give you the best that they can. In a way, your friend did fail her by not showing her he was trying.

Anyways, the point is this, whether you want to admit or not your friend was a bit wrong, he should have noted what she would have liked (asking casually) and if he does think she’s too high maintenance for him then he should leave or stay and not critics her for this. Remember she’s wearing this everyday and call it shallow or whatever you do have days when you want to have something amazing. For her it might be the engagement ring she’ll have for the rest of her life and pass it on.

That’s my take and I’m only giving my opinion like this because my bf’s friends think it was insane of him to do so, while I think it’s sweet (I’m not high maintenance and as long he knows it, it’s all good), but go ahead and judge.

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