Searching For Love And A Little More Money

Oh, the monotony of it all!  Imagine clocking in, day in and day out with really no change to your job.  You’ve got little risk of getting fired, and in 10 years you’ll retire with several million to last you a lifetime.  In the back of your mind, you wish you didn’t have job security because you despise boredom.  At the same time, you realize you’ve got it made and shouldn’t be so spoiled in your thinking.

One day a headhunter gives you a ring asking if you want an opportunity to make 50% more money a year guaranteed for two years.  The catch?  You’ll be working for a start up with no such promises of job security after year two.  You’ll also have to move to a different city where the cost of living is also 25% higher.  The hours and stress will most certainly more as well.  Welcome to Kathy’s world.

10 YEARS COMPLETED, 10 YEARS LEFT TO GO

Kathy is a brilliant woman with an equally brilliant resume.  She graduated #8 in her class of 6,000 from Berkeley and did a stint at Oxford as a Rhodes Scholar.  What drove her during her twenties was her unquenchable thirst for knowledge.  Everything she did was to answer a why or a how.  How can we increase inventory turnover to improve revenue?  Why are competitors expanding in the northern region while reducing capacity in the south?

A week before she turned 30 something happened.  She stopped wishing to learn how to do things better.  Instead, she began thinking about starting a family.  Despite all the progress women have made, she still feels that no matter how far she climbs, there’s a void without a man to share her life with.  This was 3 years ago.

At 33, she’s alone because her boyfriend broke up with her largely because she spends too much time at work.  He would tell her that working more than 60 hours a week isn’t healthy.  She realizes it’s unhealthy, but as a Senior Vice President, she has responsibilities that cannot be shirked.  What really irks the ex-boyfriend is Kathy’s workplace seniority and far superior earnings.  Men are petty this way.

Kathy makes up her mind that she will be retired in 10 years at 43.  She hopes that within a couple years she can find someone to start a family with, but she’s not forcing the issue.  She strongly believes in destiny.  If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be she often tells herself.  Her insecure boyfriend can go jump off a bridge for all she cares because she won’t settle.

THE OPPORTUNITY

The firm loves Kathy.  She’s hard working, praises her employees openly, and generates a tremendous amount of revenue.  Her revenue generation is so impressive that her competitors secretly call her “Killer Kathy.”

Killer Kathy’s phone rings one afternoon with a headhunter asking if she’s willing to move to New York City from San Francisco for a new start-up firm.  A long with her transfer is a two year guaranteed pay raise that’s 50% higher than what she’s currently making.  We’re talking more than a couple hundred thousand a year more guaranteed.

If you include school, 14 years is a long time in the Bay Area, and perhaps it’s time for a change.  Despite generating large amounts of revenue for the firm, she’s basically flat-lined over the past three years because she’s already at the top of her game.  Instead of progress, she’s just maintaining, trying to keep her competitors at bay.  It’s no fun being the senior player at an established firm.  When she slips from #2 to #3, she feels the pressure.

Instead, the idea of starting over at a new shop where she can create a new business model and watch her company grow sounds intriguing.  She longs to build something from nothing, and hear the praise of going from nowhere to Top 10!  With the headhunter’s phone call, Kathy is given a rare opportunity to build something new, with the security of a guaranteed income.

What’s equally interesting is the thrill of being in a bigger city with the opportunity of meeting that someone to share her life with.  She’s been to New York City plenty of times before, and each time she’s tickled by the amount of available bachelors.  If finding someone is a numbers game, perhaps she should be there!

CONCLUSION

There’s something to be said about security and comfort.  To know that you’ll likely never be unemployed must be a wonderful feeling.  Furthermore, San Francisco is a beautiful place!  It’s not like Kathy is just surviving either.  As a department Vice President, she’s making good money and will undoubtedly retire in 10 years if she stays with her firm.

Despite Kathy’s security, she can’t stop thinking about the opportunity in New York City.  Even if things implode after two years, she’ll have a hefty savings cushion due to the increased compensation.  Mathematically, working for 50% more for 2 years is like working for 3 years at her existing place.  Deep inside though, Kathy knows that if she found someone here in San Francisco, she’d most certainly never leave.

Readers, if you were Kathy what would you do?  Should Kathy leave her cushy job to find new adventure, or be satisfied with what she has?

Is it reasonable for her to feel that a life is not worth living if she doesn’t have a man to share it with?

As a woman, would you choose career or family if you had only one choice?

Keigu,

Sam @ Financial Samurai – “Slice Through Money’s Mysteries”

 

Follow on Twitter @FinancialSamura and subscribe to our RSS or E-mail feed.

Sam started Financial Samurai in 2009 during the depths of the financial crisis as a way to make sense of chaos. After 13 years working on Wall Street, Sam decided to retire in 2012 to utilize everything he learned in business school to focus on online entrepreneurship.

You can sign up to receive his articles via email or by RSS. Sam also sends out a private quarterly newsletter with information on where he's investing his money and more sensitive information.

Subscribe To Private Newsletter

Comments

  1. says

    If I were gifted and had the resume that Kathy had, I’d take the New York opportunity. I’m betting that with such a great resume, she’s be able to find another job easily.

    Besides, there is a good chance that after the 2 year stint in New York, if she didn’t get any other offers or the company doesn’t permanently hire her, she could go back to the firm in San Fran!

    I think it’s better to look back thinking “I took the leap”, than trying to imagine the what ifs…

    Good luck to Kathy either route she chooses… it’s a win-win if she take either route of action.

  2. says

    I’m guessing that Kathy is still on a quest for knowledge. I don’t think you ever truly lose that. So perhaps taking the new position, where she will have lots of learning and creating to do, would be good for her. Since she hasn’t met that special someone yet, it’s the perfect time for her to move. New York is an exciting city, who wouldn’t want to live there for a few years?

    As for the career versus family issue, that’s a tough call. If a man is too insecure with her job position, then that’s his problem. Yet, if she does work 60+ hours and doesn’t have any time for him, how would she make time for a child? Of course, she could always luck out and find a guy who wants to be a stay at home dad. But would she respect him?
    .-= Little House´s last blog ..The Big Three: What I would have liked to have known before I was 18…Part 1 =-.

  3. says

    To quote David Brooks from the NY Times:

    “Marital happiness is far more important than anything else in determining personal well-being. If you have a successful marriage, it doesn’t matter how many professional setbacks you endure, you will be reasonably happy. If you have an unsuccessful marriage, it doesn’t matter how many career triumphs you record, you will remain significantly unfulfilled.”
    .-= Mike´s last blog ..How to Invest in the Economy: The Best Investments for Each Business Cycle =-.

  4. snowy says

    I don’t think she should move – the post makes her sound stuck in a rut and change is good, but on the other hand there’s no mention of friends, hobbies, family etc in the post. Are they in SF? Those are very good reasons to stay where you are and far more important to happiness than a job – and they’re also where you’re likely to find/be introduced to a partner. And let’s face it starting a whole new social circle in a new city with a demanding job is not an easy task.

    Ultimately there’s no reason to take one guy’s words at breakup time as meaning your life needs to be turned upsidedown. Lots of people work 60 hour weeks and maintain relationships, lots of people change their lives right where they are. Stop thinking that upon early retirement everything will get better overnight and start improving your life right now, would be my advice.

    • says

      Hi Snowy, from what I know, her family isn’t based in SF, and surely she has some friends. But finding love trumps all else, and it’s been 3 years recently with not much success. Will let her respond in a follow up post.

      You’re right, one guy’s words during breakup shouldn’t be the be all end all. It does have some meaning though.

      Stay tuned for an early retirement post this Wed!
      .-= admin´s last blog ..Over The Hill At 40 – Age Discrimination In The Workplace =-.

  5. says

    Run to the adventure! Wheoooo.

    Why not? She is single, working professional. Might as well jump to a new adventure. Worse comes to worse and she tries to come back to the bay area and work for a competitor. It is not her company she works for. The new company could become her company in a sense. Her baby.

    And maybe, the company does well and she continues on working there for another 5 years at her new paycheck. Peace out retirement time!

    Good luck!
    .-= Ted´s last blog ..Conservatively Liberal and Liberally Conservative =-.

  6. kt says

    (talk about the ultimate alpha woman) if i was killer kathy, i would do the the big apple because i was unattached and young and will definitely make more money. Not the mention the change in scenery and what a success in the new job will do for the resume.
    .-= kt´s last blog ..Why I don’t envy super investors and neither should you =-.

  7. says

    When I worked over 60 hours a week, it wasn’t particularly good for our marriage. In fact, if I hadn’t been married already, I doubt I would have started dating anyone. I was kind of . . . focused. But having kids plus working 60 hours a week is hard–unless you have a stay at home spouse. Some men are ok with that, by the way. Maybe she should just look out for someone who would be happy in such a relationship.

    As for life not worth living without a man to share it with. . .I’ve lived stretches of my life blissfully single and had a LOT of fun. I like being married too, but you don’t need a man (or any specific relationship) to be happy. Now, if your workaholism is stopping you from normally relating to others, that is another story. . .
    .-= Simple in France´s last blog ..Saying “NO” to Fitting in. And weekly post picks. =-.

  8. says

    Fascinating – I always like to read about a powerful woman who is smart and successful. Question for you Sam – will Kathy be making appearance on your blog to answer a few questions? I’d most certainly like to collaborate with her for at least a few minutes.

    If you were Kathy what would you do?

    –> Find out what I truly want in life. I think it’s great to go after a high income. It’s great to be successful. But if you are doing it because you are just taking advantage of opportunity instead of following deep down what you want to do, then you might reach retirement very unfulfilled with the same problems – wondering what to do. I’d examine this question in great detail. Heck, I’m still examining it right now in my life and soon I’ll have to make a decision. Kathy should do the same. But maybe she is already doing what she wants. And life changes and interests change. So think of yourself as a heat seeking missile, always going after your target and not off course. If she is feeling a need for a family, then she should learn what that would entail. What kind of person would she need to become to attract the person she wants to be with?

    Should Kathy leave her cushy job to find new adventure, or be satisfied with what she has?

    –> Kathy, don’t do this just because it’s something different and pays more. It’s the whole philosophy of grass being greener on the other side. It always is when something is ‘new’. I relate it to people who leave their spouse for a more exciting adventure. That exciting adventure always ends up like the first – bland because the ‘leaver’ has not changed – they’ve just changed their environment. But what matters is you. You’ll find that after a year or two at this new place the same problems surfacing and the same questions coming up until you define for yourself what you want and go after it. You must choose what to do for yourself. Being dictated by situations around you is like the pinball bouncing around randomly. Happiness and fulfillment are unlikely as a pinball. Instead, be like an arrow going for a bullseye. You target what you want. If you are as smart and successful as Sam has dictated, then you only need figure out in your mind what you want in your life and go from there.

    Is it reasonable for her to feel that a life is not worth living if she doesn’t have a man to share it with?

    –> Absolutely. I believe everyone needs a good partner in life. It’s a human need period. But it should not consume you. You should be able to do what you want in life without having a constant worry of finding a partner. When you are confident and happy independent of a partner, a partner will find you – have some faith in that.

    As a woman, would you choose career or family if you had only one choice?

    That’s a loaded question ;) I believe both are important. But I think family is more important, so I’d choose that. But it’s naive to think that is the only one. Because a career and skills are vital if you end up having to provide for that family if your husband/partner is unable to.
    .-= Jeremy Johnson´s last blog ..Fear of Competition =-.

    • says

      Hey Jeremy, some fantastic comments you have here! I’ll ping Kathy and see if she has some time from her schedule to come respond.

      Sounds like you have a thing for powerful women yeah? I really think she’s considering her job not b/c of a higher income, but the excitement of creating something new again and not just maintaining. Furthermore, the draw of NYC and the social scene is very alluring as SF is an early town.

      Stay tuned for her responses at some point, I just don’t know when for sure.
      .-= admin´s last blog ..Doing Anything You Can to Survive – Silence And Surprise In The Night =-.

  9. says

    Kathy sounds like she is young enough and enough of a hard charger to succeed anywhere. It’s not like if the start up fails, she wont bounce right into something else and while she is single she should explore the world a bit and vary her professional experience. As for relationships, they are way more important than money, but it is really nice to have both. That said, fishing in a bigger pond may just net her the family she is hoping to find. I think she should go for it.
    .-= Tracy´s last blog ..Eco Fraud Friday: Is It A Vegan Conspiracy? =-.

  10. Powell says

    I agree that life is much less enjoyable living alone, no matter how successful you are career wise. Maybe she needs to make one final “love push” in SF for a month or so, and then go out to NYC and go for the adventure.

  11. says

    I think she’s nuts.

    She’s saying she’s going to retire at 43. That’s nicely into the window where for the rest of her she will find it first difficult and then rapidly impossible to have the kids she says will complete her life.

    It’s illogical. If she loved work and wanted to work until 70 or until she dropped, I’d understand the difficult trade off.

    But given she wants kids AND she wants to retire at 43, she’s got it wrong

    Also, what magical thing is supposed to happen at 43 that turns this alpha female off her career? Nothing, that’s what. Certainly nothing compared to what having kids at 35 might do.

    This isn’t to be sexist, or to say kids are everything. Each to their own, but she says she wants them.

    And she’d be just as nuts if she was a man, too, a man who really wanted kids, and whose fertility was on a timer.

    There’s no point crying about it being unfair. It’s how it is, biologically. Tough but true.

    Quit the career Kathy.
    .-= Monevator´s last blog ..Weekend reading: Current asset valuations =-.

    • says

      Always a pleasure to hear your comments mate. I don’t think she can just quit her job and just try and start a family. The problem is, she hasn’t been able to find someone so far, so starting a family is a non starter until she does!

      What’s wrong with having a baby in her late 30’s, working for 4-7 more years, and calling it a career? I think that’s pretty admirable if you ask me!

      Unless we are women, I find it very hard for men to know what successful corporate women have to go through to juggle everything.
      .-= admin´s last blog ..Why Isn’t President Obama Considered White to The World? =-.

      • says

        I know I always come across a bit harshly in these sorts of issues, but I just think I’m a realist.

        She couldn’t hold down a boyfriend with her high-powered job she’s coasting in.

        She’s going to find a long-term partner and have a baby or two, and keep working in her new high powered job where she’s reinventing herself in a New City?

        Possible, of course, but as I say, she couldn’t keep her boyfriend last time so she doesn’t seem to be one of the ‘I can do it all’ types.

        I’m actually more sympathetic to women than it seems, but not in a flim-flammy way. Most people can’t have everything they want. You have to make choices.

        Maybe she learned some useful lessons from the last relationship, I guess, that will help next time. Maybe!
        .-= Monevator´s last blog ..Why the U.S. (and the U.K.) is not Greece =-.

  12. says

    Great post! I’d quit and move to Vancouver and blog all day. And that’s actually what I did. What’s ironic is that both my wife and I are 33.

    Seriously, my wife and I gave up a secure six figure income in Winnipeg Manitoba to move to Vancouver. Still no job, but who cares, we’re living. Security? Anyone with work ethic has it with or without an employer.

    I think Kathy should quit and travel for 10 years, then permanently move to Europe where she can open a cafe or equally enticing venture. Life’s only as complicated as you make it.

      • says

        Actually, the six figure number was both our salaries (plus rent from one tenant). I’d say it was roughly $140,000 annually. We both quit and sold our duplex.

        It wasn’t the lure of Vancouver, but how easy it was to be “secure” in Winnipeg. We were both 31 when we got to a point where we were asking “Okay, now what?” Making money or pursuing money for the sake of security is easy (that’s why the majority do it). It’s so easy most will never stop to look how empty the pursuit really is.

        Take Kathy for example. She’s a Senior Vice President; which puts her in the top 99.98% of hardest working people on the planet. Yet she needs to worry about security? She needs to stop and look at how silly that is and get a life.

        I hope this kinda makes sense?
        .-= Ryan Martin´s last blog ..Don’t Be Fooled At The Next Franchise and Business Tradeshow =-.

        • says

          Ah, gotcha. May I ask whether there was a certain amount in the bank/ number of months living expenses saved up before you guys decided it was time to give up the $140K and “retire’?

          When does security start becoming precious to you guys again? Mathematically, I know if I save up enough money to replicate my base salary through interest returns I’ll be fine. But what about you?
          .-= admin´s last blog ..Don’t Have Children If You Can’t Take Care Of Yourself =-.

  13. says

    It’s tough to have it all.

    But if she makes as much money as you’ve intimated, Sam, it sounds like she already should have enough money saved up to pull wayyyyy back on the throttle and take a job with far less pressure, pay and responsibility so she could focus on successfully nurturing her personal life.

    If she chooses to remain a VP in SF or take on the high pressure job in NY, I’d say her odds of finding a mate and building a family are slim to none.

    My $0.02.

    Best,

    Len
    Len Penzo dot Com
    .-= Len Penzo´s last blog ..4 Ways Duct Tape Can Fix Your Personal Finances =-.

    • says

      It’s always tough to have it all. But, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t keep trying no? Instead of taking a job with less pressure, she’s considering taking a job with way more pressure, but perhaps a lot more reward in a place that’s a lot more exciting.

      Interesting take on the belief her odds will still be low in NYC. Perhaps it’s time for a picture.

  14. says

    Sam,

    I believe your only real job security is your ability to get another job, and she seems extremely employable. Thus, I think the risks are not as great for her to take this NY opportunity as they would be for many people.

    As for her wanting a man…I think it is certainly fair to say companionship is a need, and there is nothing wrong with her wanting a male to share her success with.
    .-= Roshawn @ Watson Inc´s last blog ..Uncommon Money News (Vol. 91) =-.

  15. Larry says

    “At 33, she’s alone because her boyfriend broke up with her largely because she spends too much time at work. He would tell her that working more than 60 hours a week isn’t healthy. . . . Her insecure boyfriend can go jump off a bridge for all she cares because she won’t settle.”

    Actually, boyfriend sounds pretty sensible to me.

    • Geek says

      @Larry
      He’s not my type that’s for sure.
      The problem is 2 high-powered people trying to stay together. Someone needs to be the hearth and home type if the other is the superachiever. Most people aren’t intensely focused on either, but it sounds like Kathy is.
      Unfortunately although there’s no stigma on 60-hour-a-week 30-something male superachievers, there’s a stigma against super hearth and home guys, so she’ll have to work a bit harder to find him.
      If Kathy wants a guy and focuses on it, she’ll find one. She sounds pretty competitive and confident, and some people are drawn to that.

  16. Charlie says

    I value stability a lot, so it’d be hard for me to move. But I think changing jobs is always scary, even when faced with a situation a bit easier than Kathy’s dilemma. Moving jobs is definitely easier when you’re still single, have more flexibility and can afford a bit more risk.

  17. says

    Life is what you make of it and security isn’t all it’s cracked up to be….. I would re-locate in a heart beat…. So what about job security, rack up enough savings and you can have a good life for many years. $100k could keep me going quite happily for 3-4 years in the USA in current climates and obviously she would get another job within that timescale.

    Take chances, keep on your toes and keep on moving…. Don’t stand still and rot… You will look back and hate yourself for it.

    Just my thoughts :)
    .-= Forest´s last blog ..Using Tomato Ends For Your Spaghetti Sauce Recipe =-.

  18. says

    My first thought was “Yes…make the move.” Why? Because if she doesn’t, she will always be wondering what could have been.

    But…she already realizes that working 60 hours a week is unhealthy, so she would be knowingly taking on unhealthy activity with the move, OR with not moving. It seems that either choice could be unhealthy by her own admission.

    I am not a woman (hopefully you can tell by my picture), so I can’t speak for her about choosing career over family. My personal choice would be family. I am semi-retired now and my family is way more valuable to me than my 40 year engineering career. But I am a naturally laid back personality, direct contrast to Kathy’s high power personality.

    I hope she finds love and balance and happiness. Maybe in that order. That, in my mind, would be very healthy.
    .-= Joe Plemon´s last blog ..The Sad Tale of Clarence and Evita =-.

  19. says

    Hmm…if she is having the desire to change, that’s her own intuition talking. It may be the sign that she is ready to step outside her comfort zone and embrace a new challenge. If I were Kathy, I would listen to my intuition and start there.

    Personally, everyone has their own hierarchy of values. For me, family is above career. I’d choose family. But, that’s me. If there is a conflict between family and career, and Kathy may have experienced that with her ex-boyfriend, it may be good for her to explore how that situation unfolded. Take what she can learn from that experience, and make peace with it. That way, when she moves forward, and she meets an awesome guy, she’ll be able to enjoy both – family and career.

  20. chubbuni13 says

    I’m hoping for your sake, Samurai, that she takes the offer… Hoping that you get a nice little payday for your job placement troubles. Start spreading the news… I’m reebing today.

    I currently work in a position where 9 months out of the year is cush and the other 3 months are 85 hour workweeks including weekends. So far I’m 3 weeks into it and my wife has already had a nervous breakdown: crying, wailing, gnashing of teeth.

    Given the choice, I think with her type A personality, Kathy might be better off just staying single if she’s going to continue to live the grind like that, in whatever city she chooses.

  21. says

    She should absolutely move to NYC, and also find a really good fertility specialist and start freezing her eggs for IVF later, if she doesn’t want to raise kids without a partner. But yes – I also am at my best in the first 2-3 years at a job when it’s all new and I’m motivated. Time to learn/do something new!
    .-= Honey´s last blog ..Backache =-.

    • says

      That’s what I was thinking about — the eggs! Freeze ‘em, and she can take the time to think everything through about her career and find a new man who will be able to deal with whatever hours she works. If all her cards fall into place, she can ditch the 60-hour workweeks when she has a baby (or have her partner be the stay-at-home parent).
      .-= RainyDaySaver´s last blog ..Yes, I Am Defined By My Job =-.

    • says

      Don’t think IVF is an easy option. (I’m not saying you do, but it’s written quite lightly here and many do. It sometimes really messes with a woman’s body, and it’s by no means always successful.

      Here in the UK, our National Health Service stops providing it free around 35 because the odds fall away so fast.

      I’ve had about 4-5 friends (couples) on it in recent years. Has finally worked for one of them.

      It can be a godsend and I’m not against it on any sort of idealogical level (i.e. not religious).

      I am against the way it gives women in their 20s undue security/comforts, though.
      .-= Monevator´s last blog ..Why the U.S. (and the U.K.) is not Greece =-.

  22. says

    This is kind of an intense story. I agree with everyone else in that finding employment and more specifically something Kathy would enjoy isn’t the issue. Things to think about are the uproot and resettling in. If things didn’t work out in NY would she stay, would picking up and leaving be worth the emotional and psychological stress. I know that time is a premium for Kathy but has she explored all of her options where she is?

    I don’t think you NEED someone to be dependent on to make you happy but I sure as heck hold on to it when I find it. Just knowing that someone is there to support you on your best and worst days gives you a little extra confidence to take on the day.

    As for choosing work or family I think that it’s an unfair choice. There are always options in the middle and making the work/family life actually happen isn’t all that impossible. If people are truly committed to each other than it can work. I say Kathy should go so what’s going to make her the most happy, and if that’s an adventure in NYC then go for it, if it’s in San Fran then do that, and don’t worry about stresses that come with all the rest. It’s not our choice here in the comments it’s hers.
    .-= Nunzio Bruno´s last blog ..Filing Late Taxes =-.

  23. James says

    first and foremost, having several millions in the bank is a good thing. Does Kathy own her house? on top of that she is on going to be 43 in 10 years.

    Bottom line go for it she wants and needs the challenge, plus if she takes the risk she will feel good about herself and will probably find a new man

  24. says

    Kathy’s getting a lot of great advice and I hope she reads it all.

    I think she should take the new job for most of reasons already mentioned:

    1) The rush of energy and innovation you experience when beginning a new project is motivating and exciting.
    2) Kathy seems bored with her current job/city/life and this will get her out of that rut and into a new environment.
    3) A new job along with a move to a new city will exponentially open up new opportunities both professionally and personally.
    4) Since Kathy doesn’t have a boyfriend/husband/child on the the near horizon, she should use this time to earn money that she can save/invest for her future.

    Kathy, if it’s meant to be…it will happen whether you live in SF or NY. No one knows what the future will bring. You can only act today with the information and intuition you have in this moment.

    Good luck,

    Betty

    PS:@Monevator: The IVF procedure in the UK is not free. You and your fellow taxpayers are picking up the tab. Thankfully, here in the US we’ll never have any sort of rationing like you’ve described. We’ll be planting eggs in ladies until their 110 :-)

  25. says

    Love is a funny thing, isn’t it? When caught up with such great ambitions, you can’t help but get lonely. This is especially true when you work solo gigs or have a rather isolated employee shift. Things can get painstakingly reflective, which can only exasperate that loneliness.

    I don’t know if I can advise anything useful to Kathy. I don’t know her first hand to gauge the emotions that come required to make that decision. But if pressed, I could only suggest following one’s heart. I’m tough to love myself, so I definitely couldn’t consider myself an expert in that regard. But surely she can make room in looking for a love interest, no?
    .-= Aury (Thunderdrake)´s last blog ..The Hoarding Dragon – The difference between knowledge and experience =-.

  26. says

    Well some one says choose love over money and some people are agree with dont choose love over money.. This post is quite good but i can say one thing here and that, when you believe on your fate then dont think… Love is a precious treasure and once you loose this treasure money goes useless and meaningless….

  27. says

    So, what did she do???

    I have already chosen family over career. I stayed at a job I did not enjoy because of the flexibility of being able to work from home. Then I started working part time from home. Then I quit altogether. But, it is an individual decision.

    Kathy seems like an overachiever, and she may never be able to ‘turn it off’. Since she lost a relationship due to her work hours, what will make her stop working for the next relationship? (Unless this guy was just a dud…)

    I think Kathy needs to sit and decide what she wants. She is probably marketable enough to work anywhere she desires. If she wants to focus on finding someone to settle down with, then moving across the country and working at a startup is probably not the answer since she tends to be a workaholic.

    I suggest Kathy take a few days off and make some decisions with a clear head.

    • says

      What is your definition of “overachiever”? From where she comes from, all men and women rise to her level and make her money.

      Kathy has decided to STAY in San Francisco and give it a couple more years! She went to NYC for a week and realized it wasn’t for her, and that SF is her favorite place on earth and she has as good a chance to find someone here than anywhere.

  28. says

    It sounds like it’s beyond the money… When I think of why I do things (or want to do things), I’ve come to realize there’s an equal-parts breakdown of 4 categories:

    1.) Money. No matter what you do, money undoubtedly plays a role in enticing us.
    2.) Excitement. Getting that adrenaline rush from trail blazing into new terrorities.
    3.) Challenge. Even if you’re well-paid, how long can it last if you’re truly bored with it?
    4.) Contribution. Seeing the higher good. How are you impacting those around you with what you do.

    So if I had to take a guess, I’d say Kathy is looking for more #2 & #3 than at her current job.

  29. George says

    A woman with that much drive can apply the same techniques to finding a mate, so the lack of a partner is just a distraction in this discussion.

    Kathy should take the offer, but negotiate it higher (unless she’s already done the negotiation). Moving on will mean she’s that much closer to her career goal regardless of whether the partner & kids happen.

  30. says

    I think that building a company from the ground up would be something that you wouldnt want to pass up, but it definately runs contrary to finding a mate/starting a family. Start ups require a lot of work, and I think everyone knows that.
    As far as moving to NY, there’s an issue with that as well. It would be much harder for her to find a mate in the ny area, as women outnumber men greatly. On the west coast (and in SF bay area) men tend to out number women. So, she could be going from a hot commodity in sf because there are fewer women to competing for men. It’s a gamble.
    She should take some time off and figure out what exactly she wants, then go for that. It could be neither of these options.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *