Who Should Pay For The Wedding? A Logical Guide To Lavish Spending

Winter Valentine's by Colleen Kong-Savage

A Wintery Valentine’s by Kongaline.com

Do you know what’s crazy? Spending $25,000 – $30,000 on the average cost of a wedding in America if you make a median household income of $52,000. What’s worse is going into debt to get married, especially since there’s a 50% chance it won’t last!

In many Asian countries, the parents of the bride foot the entire wedding bill because of the now backwards idea that the husband is “relieving” the parents of the financial costs of caring for their daughter. I can hear many Westerns scoffing at this way of thinking, but before the 1970s it was rare to have dual income households in America. One of my neighbors is a 30-something year old woman who still lives with her 55+ year old Chinese mother. Living with your parents until marriage is quite commonplace for many Asian and Hispanic cultures.

The one thing many Asian weddings have that Western weddings don’t have is the ability to make money during your wedding. I went to my friend’s wedding in Taipei and he actually made about $100,000 from his 50 table, 400 person wedding. The Chinese have a culture of giving monetary gifts in the form of red envelopes during weddings and Lunar New Year. If you are a business associate invited to the wedding, you better give at least $500-$1,000 or else you might not have much business left for the year!

In many Western countries, the parents of the groom pay for all wedding expenses. The thought process is that the groom’s parents are honored to have such a wonderful woman be their son’s life partner to love and care for him through sickness, health, wealth, and poverty. I like this thought process a lot, but as a son of middle class parents who went to a cheap public school, I would feel bad for my parents to pay. But as noted with the many commenters in this post, in America, there’s also a strong tradition of the parents of the bride to pay.

Finally, there’s a growing trend for many lovebirds to pay for the large majority of their wedding cost themselves. Out of the past five weddings I’ve attended, all five were predominantly paid for by the bride and groom. I’ve asked other 25-40 year olds and they’ve said the same thing. Perhaps parents might pay for the venue, or the flowers, but certainly not everything.

One of the main reasons why more wedding costs are born on the bride and groom is because they want their wedding to be a certain way. We’re much more picky and elaborate nowadays it seems. And if your parents are paying for everything, they may put a lot of pressure on you to do things their way instead of yours. This may affect the guest list, the location, the vendors, and more.

The Source Of All Stress In Life: Giving A Giant Crap

Giving A Crap: The Source Of All Stress by grigoria vryttia

Stop taking giant craps in order to be happy

The reason why I got my first speeding ticket going 35 mph in a 25 mph zone was not due to racial profiling, car profiling, or any other type of profiling one likes to conjure up when one gets caught. I got snagged because I was in a hurry to be on time for my doubles match at 6:30pm. I absolutely hate making others wait for me. It’s disrespectful.

If I didn’t care about being 10 minutes late, I wouldn’t have gone 10 miles over the speed limit. I would have taken my sweet sugar time. Maybe I would have pulled over to take some pictures of people’s flower gardens as every other car whizzed by me going at least 35 mph. I’m not bitter, no sir, no ma’am. I mean, of course I was speeding even though it’s impossible to move faster than a pregnant turtle during rush hour traffic in San Francisco.

I’ve accepted the fact that because I gave a crap about people’s time, I broke the law.

Should I Get A Divorce? Weighing The Pros And Cons Of Separating

Mending a broken heart by Nicolas RaymondAfter reading Sam’s How To Prevent Your Wealthy Man From Straying, I’ve been thinking a lot about my own situation. You see, I’m the mother of three boys, and I’m the wealthy one in the relationship. As a government employee, I make about $78,000 a year, but my wealth really comes from my parents, who left me about $2 million dollars in real estate and investments when they passed away last year.

My husband is a finance professional who has floundered around in the finance industry for the past 15 years. He’s never worked for the larger, more prestigious banks, but always the lower tier financial institutions that never got any respect from clients. My husband isn’t the most handsome or the smartest man in finance, but he is very gregarious and sociable. Clients like him, they just don’t take anything he has to say seriously, if you know what I mean.

Let’s call my husband Jim. Part of Jim’s job is to travel around the country to wine and dine clients and make sure they are receiving the service they need. He usually goes for a couple days. One trip, I noticed his clothes smelled like female perfume. I’ve got a keen nose and knew it was Eternity for Women.

When I asked Jim why he smelled like CK’s Eternity, he shrugged. He said that the perfume probably rubbed off on his clothes after hugging his female client goodbye. He explained they all went to a bar after dinner. Fine, whatever.

How To Make More Money By Doing Nothing

Infinity Pool Makes More Money Doing Nothing

A still pool does nothing in Sao Paolo, Brazil

It’s been over a year since I swapped property management companies for my Lake Tahoe vacation rental (it’s snowing buckets btw), but it was only recently that I marketed the property here to help boost its income for the second year. The property used to be managed directly by the hotel, which would obviously garner the most amount of incoming calls and online inquiries compared to an outside property manager. When reservations were booked through the hotel, they randomly assigned which units those reservations went to. So when I was in their rental program, the only way I used to benefit was when the overall volume of guests increased.

That all changed when I moved to an outside property management company who charges a lower commission. They market my specific units on their website. Therefore, the challenge is for them (Vacasa Rentals) to get well known enough to be a favorable company for vacationers to book living arrangements vs. the hotel’s challenge of simply marketing The Resort At Squaw Creek as the premier Lake Tahoe vacation destination.

I used to try and help my cause by advertising my property on Craigslist while it was still managed by the hotel as well, but I stopped because it takes a lot of time dealing with inquiries and bookings. You would think I’d be worried about seeing a drop in income by switching management companies, especially if I didn’t market my unit on the side. But I wasn’t because I wanted to let them earn my business for the first year, so they wouldn’t take me for granted. They gave me a guarantee that I would earn at least as much as I did from the hotel, or else they’d refund the difference.

How To Prevent Your Wealthy Man From Straying

Kissing During Sunset

A female friend asked me over a drink one day whether I had any tips on how she can lock down her husband forever. I immediately started imagining her throwing her hubby in a dark cage after sunset and maniacally laughing as she twisted a thick key to keep him hidden from the world. Her husband is a wealthy fella who is charming enough to have a whole lot of extracurricular fun if he wanted to. She’s attractive and successful as well, but still she has fears.

My friend’s situation reminded me of a UC Berkeley study that found wealthier people are more prone to cheating, taking candy from children, and failing to wait their turn at four-way stops. This is pretty obvious if you think about the correlation. When you’ve got more money, you’ve got more options. When you’ve got more options, you’ve got more temptations. When you’ve got more temptations, the chances of fulfilling those temptations goes up.

Men who know you’re the best thing they’re ever going to get are much less likely to cheat. They’ll probably appreciate you much more, be more attentive to your needs, wash the dishes, do the laundry, vacuum the floor, take out the trash, keep the bathrooms clean, give you foot massages, buy you flowers every week, take you on romantic trips to Target, and maybe even let you go out for drinks with your handsome physical trainer. Nirvana right?

I’m always on the lookout for any type of correlation between relationships and money because the topic is so fun! Several years ago a blogging buddy sold his personal finance site for $4 million dollars. Soon after, he divorced his wife and decided to travel the world with another woman. Coincidence? Or did money give him the courage to break free? It’s like Obamacare allowing millions of Americans to no longer be tethered to a job they despise anymore. Screw you boss! I’m outta here!

Let’s discuss three strategies women can deploy to lock down their men and create happier relationships. 

How To Overcome Money Guilt

Couple Gazing In The Fields At Stone HengeMy parents came to visit me for only three short days recently and I miss them already. One of the reasons why I wanted to leave my stressful job in finance was to spend more time with them. I flew back to Hawaii four times in 2012 and three times in 2013 to visit for two-to-five weeks at a time. But our first meeting of 2014 was in September.

Totally my fault. Life seems to always get in the way.

Ever since going to college, I’ve longed to make my parents proud. My goal was to do well in school so I could earn enough money to support myself, a family, and them. They took care of me for the first 22 years, it’s only right I take care of them.

Some children have no problem accepting financial help from their parents as adults. That’s probably because they weren’t bad like me. I got in a lot of trouble as a teenager, and I really feel guilty for giving my mother so much heartache. I wanted to make up for all the money they spent on me by proving they didn’t raise a dead beat, but someone who could be independent as soon as he graduated college.

I also suffer from money guilt because I grew up in developing countries for the first 13 years of my life (Philippines, Zambia, Malaysia, Taiwan), and frequently went to China and India for work. Every time I’m about to buy something I don’t need, I think back to the times when I witnessed destitution. Every time I eat, I try and eat more slowly in order to be mindful of the starving.

Developing countries are full of hope and growth, but the juxtaposition between the haves and the have-nots is very stark. The poor are extremely poor and the rich are obnoxiously rich. You want to help, but after a while of helping, you come to the realization that the poverty is endless – like trying to catch a rain drop moments before a monsoon washes you over.

The Cause Of Conflict: Money, Entitlement, And Poor Etiquette

Team Photo At The Mission Playground, SF

Team Photo At The Mission Playground, SF

You might have heard about all the Google bus protestors in the Mission District as techies move in and cause rents to rise. Long-time residents are displaced by landlords who want to evict and sell their buildings to buyers who turn around and rent the same units for market prices. Multi-unit buildings are under rent control, which allows for rents to rise by no more than a small percentage a year, usually under 2%.

On the one hand, the landlord should be able to sell their building and maximize profits if they so choose. On the other hand, how do we take care of the residents, especially older and disabled residents who might not have anywhere to go because market rents are double their existing price? It’s a messy, messy situation that is causing a lot of strife.

I’m a landlord, but I’ve never faced this problem before because I’m just buying property to live in. Only after living in the property for many years (10 years as is the case with my latest rental) will I put the property up for rent because I don’t ever want to sell. I would feel terrible buying in an up-and-coming neighborhood with the idea of booting out long-time tenants for profit. Forget that. There are much more harmonious ways to make money than disrupting other people’s lives.

Here’s a video that is causing a lot of uproar in San Francisco that I’d like for you to watch. This altercation is a prime example of what happens when money, entitlement, and poor etiquette come into play. Notice the racial divide as well. Having tact and better communication skills can go a long way to avoiding conflict.