Financial Samurai

Are you a man if you cannot take care of your family?  Are you noble, if you do not have a job and let your wife slave away at the office, so you can latch onto her healthcare insurance, and eat the bacon she brings home?  Hell yeah brothers!  Stay at home men of the world, unite!

The beauty of equality is that we men don’t have to work the majority of our lives away anymore.  We can be the homemakers, and be proud of it too!  With our big muscles, we can re-arrange the living room furniture with ease.  Being relatively taller, we can change fire alarm batteries every year without fear of breaking our necks.

When the general contractor comes over to remodel the bathroom, ladies can rest assured we men are less likely to get scammed by superfluous charges, such as a $1,000 wonder wall replacement.  And when the cable guy comes, you can also breathe easy knowing that we aren’t going to have a romantic encounter either!  I mean, how many times have you ever had a cable gal come over?  Never!

IS EARLY RETIREMENT CHEATING IF YOU HAVE A WORKING SPOUSE? Read more…

My tennis buddies and I decided to arrange a late-night tennis match from 8pm-10pm and go out drinking afterwards.  Whichever doubles team loses pays for beers all night long.  It’s a good system that brings out the competitiveness and trash-talking in us.  Besides, we feel less guilty drinking heavily if we exercise first!

My partner and I lost this time around and started buying a round of drinks when an attractive girl came up to me at the bar and said, “You have very nice, large incisors!”  She beamed me a smile.

“Why thank you very much,” I responded.  ”But what’s that?” I glanced at my pecs, guns, and tummy.

“Your incisors are your upper four front teeth.  Hi, my name is Cynthia and I’m a 4th year dental student at UC San Francisco.”

“Well hello Cynthia, and thanks!  I try to floss twice a day and keep em sharp.  What would you like to drink?”

As far as pick-up lines are concerned, this one’s pretty good, especially for a female.  She brings up something completely random, and explains in a way that shows her intelligence and occupation!  Women generally just smile or send winks if they’re interested, at least that’s from my experience.

Cynthia was aggressive and showed a lot of personality.  She had wavy black hair, size 0 skin-tight black pants, and a matching soft leather jacket.  Around her shoulder hung a Chanel bag with an interlinking gold chain strap.  Of course, no outfit would be complete without Manolo 3-inch heels.  Her skin was smooth and unadulterated with marks.  I venture to guess she’s the type of woman plenty of women hate.

At 27, she’s clearly intelligent and isn’t afraid to ask what she wants!

SO WHY IS SHE STILL SINGLE? Read more…

Despite the government saying the economy is better and jobs are plentiful, you know they are lying.  How?  Because there are still grown adults living at home with mom and dad!  Furthermore, if you aren’t living at home with the ‘rents, then you certainly know people who do.  As an equal opportunity blogger, I thought it appropriate after writing, “How To Get Girls If You Live At Home With Mom And Dad“, to also write the other version.

There are several assumptions in this post.  First, you are likely under 35 years old, since there’s no such thing as a 35+ year old still living at home with their parents.  Second, you don’t look like Jessica Alba or a sexy version of Hilary Clinton or Janet Reno.  Third, you aren’t a princess with boku bucks to spend.  Finally, you are likely female who likes boys and your name is not Jerry Sandusky!

STRATEGIES FOR GETTING BOYS WHEN LIVING AT HOME WITH MOM AND DAD Read more…

The next closest thing to any warm-blooded, heterosexual guy’s heart besides making money is meeting women.  Perhaps it’s the same for lesbians too, but I can’t be sure since I’m not one.  Some guys are willing to give up all the money in the world to meet women.  I think they’re crazy because half the population are women, so you can meet them once you walk right out the door!

Given readers here are a sophisticated bunch, let’s keep things professional.  I’d like to focus on meeting the right women, not any woman to go hook up with and never talk to again.  The best places to go are those that play to a woman’s sensibility and her desires.

If an old buffoon with a nice spare tire like me can still meet quality women, anybody can.

THE BEST PLACES TO MEET THE RIGHT WOMEN Read more…

Peter and I were golfing buddies for years until one day he started asking me about my compensation.  I refused to tell him for weeks until he mentioned he was in a tough situation, negotiating a package with a potential new employer and sought my advice as someone several years his senior.

As I stood over my ball, ready to attempt a 30 foot birdie putt, Peter chimes up, “Sam, you’d really be doing me a favor by letting me know, so I can go back and counter them in case they are low balling me.“  Peter then proceeded to tell me what he was making at which point I felt forced to reveal my income because he was so upfront.  When I did, he quieted down, walked to the next hole and smacked his driver down the pipe.

“280 yards with only a sand wedge in!” I applauded after I missed my putt.  “Hmprh“, was the only sound that came out of his mouth as walked further and further away.

As weeks turned into months, I realized he no longer pinged me to play golf.  It also turns out that he never took the new job offer and remains at his company ’til this day.  Peter turned cold and I later found out that the reason why he never took the new job was because he countered them so high based on what he heard from me that they pulled the offer.  Peter blames me for not getting the job and not making the money he feels he deserves to make.  I have no control over what the potential suitor was willing to pay so why is it my fault?

NEVER REVEAL YOUR INCOME Read more…

At first, I was pissed at the Berkeley College Republicans when the SF Chronicle highlighted a story about the BCR hosting a pastry sale to promote racial awareness. The University of California is considering implementing “SB185″, a law that would allow the school to use race and gender in the admissions process.

The article was poorly written, making it at first sound like the “White Pastries” for $2 and the “Black Pastries” for 75 cents are indeed white colored pastries and black colored pastries that reflect the respective races.  The author made it seem like White people are superior over Black people, therefore, White colored pastries should sell for a 130% premium.

What the author N. Asimov should have made clear is that all pastries are the same, and that if you are White, you have to pay $2, but if you are Black, you only have to pay 75 cents for the same pastry.  The pastry sale is trying to demonstrate that Caucasians and Asians need to score much better on your SAT’s and get higher GPA’s than other races (ie pay more) in order to get into UC Berkeley.  With this realization, my anger subsided to heavy disappointment.

Yet, I wonder.  If Asians make up 46% of UC Berkeley’s student population, yet only represent 14% of the California population, shouldn’t the price of pastries for Asians cost $5, since it’s that much tougher to get into given the 3.5X over-representation?  You have to wonder what the group of students were thinking.  You might already know.

If the UC school system did discriminate based on race, the racial make-up of UC Berkeley’s student body would limit the percentage of Asians to 14% instead of currently 46%, and increase the percentage of Caucasians to 40% from 30% to mirror California’s overall racial distribution.

The whole problem with this entire pastry sale is that offends, discredits, and hurts minorities because it makes fun of their achievements.  That’s not right.

WE LIVE IN A FREE WORLD WITH UNEQUAL OPPORTUNITIES Read more…

We have a culture of blaming others for our problems and Main Street is now on a tear with this “Occupy Wall Street” movement that’s gathering steam.  The thesis is that financial institutions and anybody who has anything to deal with financial institutions are bad.  The government and the media help fuel the fire against Wall Street and make them scapegoats for the economic decline.  That way, they’ll hopefully deflect the blame away from themselves.

One man from one Wall Street firm stood up and had enough.  In 2010, he penned this letter below which started slowly circulating the web until it finally caught my eye.  The letter is just as appropriate today as it was last year.  He probably had nothing specifically to do with credit default swaps and other exotic instruments that helped cause our decline.  “Wall Street” is a catch-all phrase that leads to a lot of unwarranted stereotypes.

Just because you work at Bank of America as a teller doesn’t mean that you are to blame for Ken Lewis’ empire building when he bought Countrywide Financial and Merrill Lynch for prices nobody in their right mind would pay, which is now leading to massive layoffs.  Just because someone is a Latin America investment banker at Goldman Sachs doesn’t mean they are responsible for you buying 3 condos with minimal money down in Florida to try and get rich.  No, the guy buying the 3 condos is responsible………… or is he?

Just because you have massive student loans and can’t find a job, that doesn’t mean the US economist working at JP Morgan had anything to do with your situation.  Maybe it’s because you borrowed more than you could afford?  Or maybe it’s because you didn’t do well enough in school or go to a better school for that matter.  Why protest an irrelevant economist when you could protest right at your very own school!

If you are a raging populist, who is easily offended, and complains a lot, perhaps you shouldn’t have a read.  But, if you’re a normal rational person who likes to see both viewpoints, take a look and let’s discuss!  Remember, this letter is a retort against the media and the protesters who’ve attacked him, his family and his industry for months.

“WE ARE WALL STREET” EMAIL Read more…

Tracy was 27 when I first met her playing co-ed softball in 2003.  She always wore her skin-tight Lululemon shorts and all the guys would stare as she jutted her butt out in a proper stance every time she was at bat.  One game, she managed to get on base four times in a row.  She was good!  Tracy was a blend of German Puerto Rican ancestry and the guys just loved her, just like how every guy loves Jessica Alba.

After every game, the guys would swarm Tracy to try and get her attention.  We’d always go to some bar afterward, and Tracy got all the free drinks and appetizers she wanted.  It was evident that the rest of the girls were annoyed with all the attention Tracy was getting.  Unfortunately, for them, they weren’t as attractive, so the guys really didn’t care. Shallow right?

Despite all her good looks, Tracy had one big problem.  She lacked self-esteem.  Whenever someone would complement her, instead of simply saying “thank you” and complement the person back, Tracy would look down to the ground and shy away.  Sometimes, she’d simply ignore him.  Her silence often was construed as being bitchy unfortunately.  It takes forever for her to open up, but when you finally get to know her more, you realize she’s a nice but incredibly dull person.

A LITTLE BIT OF BACKGROUND Read more…