Financial Samurai

Rock Balancing in San Francisco

After my parents pep talk in the 9th grade, I realized there were two things I had to do in order to survive high school: 1) use my brains and 2) develop some pythons.  In other words, getting good grades, joining student government, and being a history buff wasn’t enough.  Sure, I may have an easier time getting into some fancy college, but how was I supposed to get into girls?  “Hey pork chop, did you know that General Lee surrendered on April 9, 1865, marking the end of The Confederacy and the Civil War?  Lez go out tonight!”

“Girls, Girls, Girls” by Motley Crue played incessantly in my head at the time.  Frankly, I can’t imagine it being much different for a lot of other teenage boys.

I made it a rule to balance the mental with the physical by playing sports.  As a teenager,  I had a strong fear that I was going to be stuck in nerdom if I didn’t.  I was a study machine who needed balance.  The sports that attracted the most groupies were football and basketball, but I was too chicken sh*t to bang down low.  I chose tennis instead, which had decidedly less groupies.  Good thing all you really need is one!

In the 11th grade, this cute girl slipped a note in biology lab with a cut out from Teen Magazine entitled, “You Know Your Boyfriend Is A Keeper If..“.  To my surprise, #1 said: “Your man is the captain of his high school varsity tennis team!“  Shwing!  As captain of the HS varsity team, needless to say we had a frolicking good time….. studying for our biology lab final of course.

THE OLDER THE WISER, PERHAPS Read more…

For the past two years I’ve taken the bus to work after driving for 7 years prior.  The company removed our free parking benefits and I wasn’t about to pay $350/month to park in a garage just 5 miles away.

I have a love hate relationship with the bus.  When it’s raining, and I have to stand outside shivering, I hate it.  When the bus skips my stop every so often, I hate it.  When the bus driver slams on the brakes a couple feet away from the stop light and we all go flying, I hate it.  When the bus is packed like sardines, but there are some very attractive riders I need to squeeze next to, well, I guess it’s OK.

My VIP Pass aka monthly bus pass costs $60, while taking a cab to and from work costs $30.  Hence, the cost breakdown is simply $60 for a bus, $350 for parking, and $600 for a cab every month.  Out of principle, I wasn’t going to spend 5-10X more on transportation if I could just ride the bus.

WHAT A DUMMY Read more…

Do you hit the snooze button multiple times in the morning because you just don’t want to work?  While at work, do you daydream of being somewhere else?  Well too bad!  You’ve won the lottery and you don’t even realize it!

Let’s say you make $50,000 a year.  Divide your income by the current 4% risk free rate of return and you get $1,250,000!  In other words, if you have $1,250,000 sitting in the bank right now earning a 4% rate of return, you’re making your current salary of $50,000 a year.  Not bad winning $1,250,000 huh?  Now take your income, and divide it by 4% (0.04) and let me know how much you’ve won!

It doesn’t matter what job you have now.  Just know that the job you do have is coveted by a tremendous amount of people.  This includes my first job mopping McDonald’s egg bits at 6am.  My manager told me I was lucky to wear the purple and black (colors of the uniform) because he turned down 8 other candidates over the past month.  I just felt lucky I could stuff my face with as many FREE apple pies when he wasn’t looking!

WHINE AND CHEESE Read more…

Well folks, the weekend of love has arrived!  Some are going to eat by candle light, while others will walk the beach during sunset here in California or Hawaii.  For my friends out in Snowmageddonville, perhaps marshmellows in front of the fire place while playing a fun game of Scrabble.  Amazingly, there are some who believe their significant other when they say, “don’t get me anything.“ If you actually believe this line, you also mistakenly believe taxes aren’t going up next year!

I’m absolutely sure there are those against the Valentine movement, how it’s one big marketing gimmick for guys to spend more money than they should.  Unfortunately, you’re right, but there’s no stopping the movement. If you end up doing nothing, not even a small gesture like a back massage, you’re screwed, and not in a good way!

The one thing I caution ladies not to do is push.  The more you push about what you want or want to do on Sunday, the more your guy won’t want to do anything.  If you keep hinting about chocolate covered strawberries, you’re going to get one big fat biscuit of nothing!  So shhh, let the man figure something out and get creative.  Of course, ladies can always do something for us men too yeah?  Nah, it’s always on us men.

WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY FOR SINGLES EVERYWHERE! Read more…

After a long week, the last thing either of us want to do is cook.  We don’t go out because of the rain, and delivery for the 3rd time this week is out of the question.  Inglorious Basterds arrives in the mail, and we just seek something sufficient and efficient to eat.

Unfortunately, as we raid through the cupboards all we find is peanut butter, with no bread and spaghetti with no sauce.  We also find stale crackers, and a pound of dried pumpkin seeds, but that’s it.  Drats!  Good thing I keep looking, because I find my canister of protein powder which I forgot I had.  The filthy drink contributes today.

We pour stale crackers onto our plates, along side two heaping spoons of peanut butter.  To wash it all down, a lumpy and not so delicious vanilla protein shake each.  It was nostalgic, eating like college kids again.

FIVE KEY TAKEAWAYS Read more…

Back in the 9th grade, I remember goofing off quite a bit with my buddies.  We skipped class, stayed out late, and essentially did a lot of stuff that was detrimental to our grades.  Despite working with plenty of Spanish speaking colleagues during my part-time job, I still only got a “C” in Spanish because I didn’t care.   All I wanted to do was have fun, and fun is what I had!

My parents spoke to me one evening and asked, “How are you ever going to be a great business man if you can’t even get an “A” in math?  Do you think award-winning scientists get “C’s” in high school chemistry?  Do you think Andre Agassi doesn’t practice hard every single day?”

The questions stuck with me because ever since I was 12, I wanted to be a “business man.”  I remember getting picked up in a sweet Mercedes 300 SEL by one of my father’s friends to take us to their mansion party.  The whole experience with the infinity pool, car, food, and servants made me want to do what they did, whatever that was!

After the pep talk, I began caring about my grades through college.  I didn’t want a silly thing like grades to get in the way of my dreams.

THE QUESTION TO ASK ALL PEOPLE Read more…

Author: Phil Villarreal was a syndicated film critic (one of the best jobs on earth) and is a general reporter for the Arizona Daily Star.  Phil contributes to OK! Magazine and blogs at becauseitoldyouso.com.

Publisher: Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.  244 pages in soft cover.  $12.95.

Summary: “Secrets of A Stingy Scoundrel” is a hilarious book that has been reviewed by many personal finance sites already.  Hence, I’ll take a slightly different approach.

First of all, Phil is one proud cheapo who is potentially helping millions of Americans (if they buy his book) save thousands of dollars a year.  Second of all, the breadth of stinginess is impressive, with nine chapters: Personal, Eating, Relationships, Household, Finance, Leisure & Entertainment, At The Workplace, Corporate Cataclysm, and Gross, Mean and Just Plain Wrong. Read more…

Everybody was quietly watching the puppet show at the Asian Art Museum when I hear a “boooooooP!” What was that, I think to myself as a stench waffles in the air.  Someone must have farted!  I look around to see if I can identify the culprit.  Then I notice others looking around, with some staring right at me!

“Not me!” I silently voice with my lips as I point towards a kid rolling around on the floor in front of the stage.  “Probably the kid!” I mime again with each crease of my lips extending more exaggerated with every word.

Once the show was over I tap the kid on the shoulder and say, “Hey buddy, you got me in a lot of trouble with the adults.  The bathroom is over there!”

“Sorry sir, I was just farting.  Everybody likes to fart right?” replies the kid with a big, teethy smile.

“You’re right buddy, listen to this one!” KABOOM!  I let one rip right next to him.  We laugh and go on our separate ways.

THE MORAL HAZARD OF AMERICA Read more…

The average tax refund is $2,400 a year, and 74% of Americans get a tax refund. I’ll consider you average for argument’s sake.  At today’s typical savings rate of 1%, you’re missing out on a whopping $12 bucks in interest income! Why $12, and not $24? It’s because you have to calculate the average balance of the year if you saved every $200/month payment diligently starting January 1st i.e. January $200, February $400, March $600 etc.

I’m definitely not a proponent of giving the government more money than they deserve, but missing out on $12 bucks in interest is something I can live with and so should you.

You have to ask yourself whether you have the discipline of saving that extra $200 a month, or using it to pay down debt. Most people are not disciplined enough to pay down debt and avoid buying junk. This is why we have such massive debt problems in the first place!  The government is essentially helping you “go broke to win big” by protecting 75% of American tax payers from blowing $2,400 a year without even knowing it.

A SIMPLE GUIDELINE & SOME COOKIES Read more…

2009 was the year I rediscovered tennis.  Ironically, I figured I’d better utilize the club as much as possible because I couldn’t afford any other luxuries after the markets imploded!  Just last year, I failed miserably at breaking a 10 handicap (got to 10.2 and ricocheted) in golf and decided to quit before I threw my bag into the lake.

For the past 15 years, I forsook the game I played so diligently as a youngster.  It was boring running around, hitting a ball back and forth.  Now, I’m hooked again because of the camaraderie of the game.  Although tennis is an individual sport, there’s a team aspect to it if you join a league.  Meanwhile, my evil plan is to get my wife to get good enough so we can play some competitive mixed doubles my next summer!

PHYSICAL PROBLEMS MATERIALIZE Read more…