Author Topic: Child Custody - need advice with divorce in Utah  (Read 845 times)

Eric Morgan

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Child Custody - need advice with divorce in Utah
« on: July 29, 2019, 11:42:40 PM »
Hi! I live in a Salt Lake City, me and my wife are currently going through divorce. We decided not tofight in a court or anything like that and come to a mutual agreement on everything in order to not waste money on lawyers and invest them to college savings instead. We have a 8 y.o. boy, who constantly repeating that he wanted to stay with me. I've alredy talk with him dozens of time that divorce is not his fault and it's gonna be better for him to stay with his mother. Can you give me advice what are the right words, what should i say to him, i understand that divorce is even more stesfull to child than for parents. Also, maybe anyone can share their expirience of going through divorce or possible options how to make it cheaper, so it would not hit a family budget that much.

Sam

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Re: Child Custody - need advice with divorce in Utah
« Reply #1 on: July 31, 2019, 06:57:50 AM »
Sorry to hear about the split Eric. What are the reasons why staying with you would be bad? How about trying to split the time as close to 50/50 as possible so he gets the best of both?

My close relative got a divorce when their son turned 10. They made it work by the dad getting an apartment two blocks away so he could shuttle between them.

I do like the idea of bird nesting for the child's stability. See: https://www.financialsamurai.com/divorce-after-kids-is-birdnesting-the-key-for-stability/

Best of luck!
Regards,

Sam

chrismoneystir

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Re: Child Custody - need advice with divorce in Utah
« Reply #2 on: July 31, 2019, 03:40:13 PM »
My parents got a nasty divorce when I was 11-years old. I would see my dad during certain weekends and we stayed with him during the summer. I hated it, but mainly because my mom constantly would talk bad about my dad.

If it is best for your son to primarily stay with your mom, I would just explain to your son that this will be best for him. I could see where a 50/50 split could work out well if you live fairly close to your ex, but if that is going to be contentious, I would just give primary caregiver to your ex. Unless of course, that is not a safe option.

I think you going with the most reasonable approach is smart. The more you two can be friendly with each other and work through disagreements in a friendly matter, the easier it will be on your kid.

I've never heard of bird nesting. I think the idea is solid, especially at first. But I'm interested to see if this would work long term. Especially if at least one person starts dating and ends up finding another partner.

Eric Morgan

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Re: Child Custody - need advice with divorce in Utah
« Reply #3 on: August 01, 2019, 06:28:11 AM »
Thank you very much for help!  The article about "Nesting For Stability" is really great, but the main reason i want that my kid stayed with his mom is because i'm a truck driver, and most of my time i spending in trips in other states. Like i said, i'm in normal relationship with my ex-partner, so i don't think there gonna be problems with seeing my son. I just worried, i mean, i don't know how to explain to him that divorce is not his fault, that he is not the cause. And i know that emotionally it's gonna be so much harder for him than for me and wife to accept that fact. Maybe i should pick a right timing, he is only 8 y.o., and have this conversation later with him. Besides, there is always "money side" of this question, we calculated that the average cost of divorce in out state is somewhere around 12000-14000$ including lawyer's fees, so we want to find any shortcuts to save those money on college. I was looking for a local help first, but free legal sevices 1)sent me to a lawyers for all property divisions issues 2) does not support electronic filing. Currently we are considering of using a 3-rd party firm - https://divorceonlineutah.com, their office located in our town, the only problem i have - i'm kinda afraid of giving a personal information to 3rd person . Has anyone used a divorce services for preparing documents before? I would like to hear your opinion.

Eric Morgan

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Re: Child Custody - need advice with divorce in Utah
« Reply #4 on: August 01, 2019, 06:32:12 AM »
My parents got a nasty divorce when I was 11-years old. I would see my dad during certain weekends and we stayed with him during the summer. I hated it, but mainly because my mom constantly would talk bad about my dad.

If it is best for your son to primarily stay with your mom, I would just explain to your son that this will be best for him. I could see where a 50/50 split could work out well if you live fairly close to your ex, but if that is going to be contentious, I would just give primary caregiver to your ex. Unless of course, that is not a safe option.

I think you going with the most reasonable approach is smart. The more you two can be friendly with each other and work through disagreements in a friendly matter, the easier it will be on your kid.

I've never heard of bird nesting. I think the idea is solid, especially at first. But I'm interested to see if this would work long term. Especially if at least one person starts dating and ends up finding another partner.
Thank you very much for your answer! Yes, it's a common thing in divorce when people are scold and swear their ex-partner behind their back, but i don't think that's a wise thing to do. For a kid, his and mom and dad are always good.
« Last Edit: August 01, 2019, 06:35:37 AM by Eric Morgan »

chrismoneystir

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Re: Child Custody - need advice with divorce in Utah
« Reply #5 on: August 01, 2019, 09:56:13 AM »
It is going to most likely be hard for your kid in any case. But I think if you two sit him down together and be honest about the situation, that should help a ton. He might not understand, but being open and transparent about what is going on and how it will look may help the transition. It also would provide an opportunity for him to ask questions. I think more damage is done when things just change without letting the kid know exactly what is happening. I think he is old enough to understand the basic idea.

I can tell that you want to do what is best for your kid, and that is awesome. I hope this transition goes smoothly.