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Started by Sam, September 13, 2018, 09:26:01 AM
Quote from: Sam on September 13, 2018, 09:26:01 AM I'll be writing a post about this topic. Input welcome.Have you noticed that when a man quits or negotiates a severance and doesn't return to the workforce, he likes to tell people that he retired early. Whereas when a woman quits or negotiates a severance, she doesn't say the same thing? Instead, she is classified as a stay at home mom or stay at home spouse. What's going on here? Ego? Pride? Delusion?
Quote from: Hayden on September 13, 2018, 09:37:37 AMI think that it comes down to just a difference in the needs between a man and a women. Whether or not your agree, the fact of the matter is that men and women find self worth in different things. Women tend to find their purpose in raising children and pleasing their husband, aka, building a home. Men usually find their self worth in the idea that they can go out and hunt things and build their career in order to give their family the resources that it needs. Men want to feel in control and powerful in their homes (mostly).These two ideologies go back thousands of years to where men were the hunters and women were the cooks and teach the kids how to clean and so on. The stigma that a stay at home dad may feel is that they have lost a bit of their worth if they say they are a stay at home dad versus they retired early. When you hear a 35 year old man say he is retired you think he either got a nice chunk of change when papa passed, or he built a brand that generates passive income so he does not have to drag himself in the office for the weekly managers meeting Monday morning. However, when you hear that the same 35 year old man gloats about being a stay at home dad, most people assume that he relies on his wife to go build her career while he takes care of the house, which is out of the norm and so therefor more people find it as lower status versus an early retiree.In the same regard, most women find pride in building their home and teaching their kids how to read, color, and write. If a women tells all of her girlfriends that she has retired early, they might think that she has lost her marbles or does not know what that even means, or even look negatively toward her. Instead, she can say that she stays at home and invests her time into her kids and husband instead of investing her time at the office which among stay at home mom's is a much more pride filled thing to say.Not to say either role is wrong for the other, but there are definitely social norms and stigmas that lead to the label on both men and women when it comes to retiring early and staying at home.Thoughts?
Quote from: defomcduff on September 15, 2018, 10:18:52 AMAgreed on all the points here. Saying "retired" shows accomplishment and creates envy, which is important for male social status (probably more so that females).Although, most "retired" folks I know in their 30s and 40s are quietly industrious building their next business. That it, not "retired" at all, as I think of the word. Just my observation.
Quote from: Hayden on September 15, 2018, 12:54:25 PMLike in some other posts here on the forum I think 'retiring early' just refers to not working for the 'man' any more and instead, having ultimate freedom with your time and resources.
Quote from: defomcduff on September 15, 2018, 07:16:37 PMQuote from: Hayden on September 15, 2018, 12:54:25 PMLike in some other posts here on the forum I think 'retiring early' just refers to not working for the 'man' any more and instead, having ultimate freedom with your time and resources.Why use the term "retire early" if we mean leaving one type of work to pursue another type of work? Seems like a bit of a misnomer. It seems more like "I could retire, if I wanted to. But, I'm still working because meaningful work is part of a good life, but doing it on my own terms." I wonder if another term would better capture that notion? Serious question.
Quote from: Cheezus on November 08, 2018, 11:18:43 AMSam, your wife stays home too, right? In which case I consider you both retired - not stay at home anything. To me, a stay at home dad implies the wife works and the dad stays home. Vice versa for stay at home mom.
Quote from: nganix123 on November 14, 2018, 10:05:56 AMMy husband is what you can say--a stay at home dad. we both used to work but it came to a point where we spent too much money on the babysitter--we have 3 kids...and we worked so much that when our youngest started sleeping with the nanny more than he slept with us--we decided that one of us has to quit.I ended up being the breadwinner since i earn more than my husband and he is a better parent with the housework and cooking anyway..I initially despised him for that,but ultimately it worked out fine for our family. My husband is okay with saying he is a stay at home dad..I,on the other hand tell everybody that he is retired. i guess i'm the one who has the issue.
Quote from: Sbsfin on August 26, 2019, 04:56:33 AMI ended up being the breadwinner since I earn more than my husband and he is a better parent with the housework and cooking anyway...I initially despised him for that, but ultimately it worked out fine for our family. My husband is okay with saying he is a stay at home dad..I, on the other hand, tell everybody that he is retired. I guess I'm the one who has the issue.
Quote from: Old_Arpad on November 22, 2018, 04:57:57 AMRe: "lady of leisure", there is a slang term among British folks, "ladies who lunch". Those are the wives who sit on volunteer committees and lunch with each other every day while their husbands work. They tended to be formally dressed and carefully made-up, it was almost their career.My mother was a lady who lunched. Her kids were at boarding school too! I think my mother's world is rather a vanished world now. My father would never have retired early. He's retired now but retired at a normal age, in his 60s. He did keep a seat on the board at a couple of companies after retirement but it was as an executive director where he only went to board meetings 4x year. I think his generation was much more into their status being invested in their job than our generation is, if that makes sense. He jokes that he is a "professional vacationer" nowadays.