Author Topic: Do you send your parents an "allowance" or provide other financial support?  (Read 19429 times)

sfpf

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Curious if any of you regularly support your parents financially? What type of set-up do you have - monthly checks, biweekly auto deposits, do you pay their bills directly, etc?

Have you had any challenges with supporting your parents with their finances? What would you do differently with the knowledge you have now if you could step back in time?

Thanks!

KentBnntt

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My parents manage their budget well and taught me to do it right. They usually refuse taking money from me, that is why I try to give them generous gifts a few times a year. If I know that they need to buy something expensive,  I just buy that for them as a gift or insist to make a partial payment.

Leigh

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Re: Do you send your parents an "allowance" or provide other financial support?
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2019, 06:32:53 AM »
I mentioned this in another thread. We pay a weekly laundry bill so my 88 year old Dad doesn't have to their laundry. I worry about him falling. I put their cable, credit card bill and others on auto-pay and I make sure they are all in order.

I also invest their money, redirect any called muni-bonds, have all banking documents sent to me, and try to keep as much financial data out of their hands. I do this because my mama has dementia but thinks she can still manage. She can't.

I made sure I had a power of attorney and had copies of every pertinent document. I wish I had done this earlier. Once I set up online credit card account, and searched for continuity charges, I found $275 per month where they were paying for things for which they had been scammed.

When I speak to adult kids with an elderly parent, that is one of the biggest ideas I push. Get an online presence with your credit card. The elderly fears it will make them vulnerable. I tell them "Your credit account is ALREADY on the computer, you're just the only one who can't see it!" Continuity charges go unchecked for years.

Sorry, I got carried away, LOL. It's a hot topic for me.  8)

couchfi

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Re: Do you send your parents an "allowance" or provide other financial support?
« Reply #3 on: September 19, 2019, 12:52:16 AM »
I buy my parents flights when they visit me, and gift them a few grand each year to help catch up on their retirement savings. They're very frugal and can support themselves through retirement, but they never learned to invest (and stubborn about it!) and keep most of their money in cash just getting inflated away, so I always gift stocks and tell them to keep it that way until they're closer to needing it. It'll be a struggle when they're older or sick and I really have to take over.

My wife's parents are older, retired and we support them financially almost entirely (food, shelter transportation etc), in return they help raise our child and save on some day care costs (apparently this is common set up among asian american immigrants like us). Luckily medi-cal is actually pretty good, otherwise we'd have to pay for their health insurance as well. They're much more reasonable people to deal with, but it helps that my wife and I both have good incomes and can still maintain a decent savings rate. Otherwise if budget got tight this set up would not work at all and we'd have to move to a lower cost of living area or have much longer commute in the bay area.

Sam

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Re: Do you send your parents an "allowance" or provide other financial support?
« Reply #4 on: September 21, 2019, 09:12:46 PM »
 I uploaded my credit card on his Uber app to encourage him to use Uber more often instead of Drive in his 70s. So far, he has not taken me up on his offer yet.

Both my parents are lucky to be able to collect Social Security and have a pension money. They are super frugal so so far they don’t need anything. I plan to help out with any long-term care if necessary.
Regards,

Sam

Sydney

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Re: Do you send your parents an "allowance" or provide other financial support?
« Reply #5 on: September 22, 2019, 03:32:03 PM »
I mentioned this in another thread. We pay a weekly laundry bill so my 88 year old Dad doesn't have to their laundry. I worry about him falling. I put their cable, credit card bill and others on auto-pay and I make sure they are all in order.

I also invest their money, redirect any called muni-bonds, have all banking documents sent to me, and try to keep as much financial data out of their hands. I do this because my mama has dementia but thinks she can still manage. She can't.

I made sure I had a power of attorney and had copies of every pertinent document. I wish I had done this earlier. Once I set up online credit card account, and searched for continuity charges, I found $275 per month where they were paying for things for which they had been scammed.

When I speak to adult kids with an elderly parent, that is one of the biggest ideas I push. Get an online presence with your credit card. The elderly fears it will make them vulnerable. I tell them "Your credit account is ALREADY on the computer, you're just the only one who can't see it!" Continuity charges go unchecked for years.

Sorry, I got carried away, LOL. It's a hot topic for me.  8)

Wow, way to go Leigh!! That is incredible. So glad to hear you've been able to help them save money from scams (augh I can not stand the scum that prey on the elderly) and are making such a big difference for them.

Sydney

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Re: Do you send your parents an "allowance" or provide other financial support?
« Reply #6 on: September 22, 2019, 03:35:12 PM »
Great topic and one I think about a lot. As I mentioned in my post, https://www.financialsamurai.com/a-womans-journey-to-financial-independence/, my parents have never been great with money. I don't send them money at any particular regular interval each month b/c it seems to make them uncomfortable and guilty. So, instead I step in when something unexpected comes up like the AC breaks or they need dental work. I also help with any online purchase if there's something they need that they're unable to get in a local store or if they need something expensive like a new vacuum cleaner.

svytraveler

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Re: Do you send your parents an "allowance" or provide other financial support?
« Reply #7 on: September 29, 2019, 08:14:11 AM »
I send my mom $1000 monthly, who, in part, supports my handicapped sibling.  I used to give her a little bit of money or other things periodically, but she was running short a couple times, incurring overdraft fees a couple times a year, and she shared with me that she feared running out of money.  She was a very good saver for our family when I was young and ensured we had opportunities that a truckdriver's kids might not have had, music lessons, ballet, gymnastics, etc. My family did not need to pay for my undergrad, and I paid for my own grad degree. 

So maybe there should be a bit more there?  However, about five years ago I encouraged her to buy a two bedroom condo in FL to escape the harsh midwest winters before I realized she was stretched budget-wise.  She has suggested selling it, but for now we get together as a family there and I've encouraged her to keep it and/or offered to pay the mortgage and taxes.  (It gets her some time away from my sibling too.)  When she dies, I am thinking that the condo and the house in the midwest will going into the special needs trust for my sibling, which I will administer.  She loves to travel so I've exchanged my AMEX MRs for us to go Tokyo in the Spring FC on ANA.  (It was a great redemption and neither of us have flown FC before.)  It could be my mom's last trip where she is mobile enough to get around with assistance.

Back on topic:  I have a close friend who provides some support to her spendthrift father and step-mom (maybe paying the mortgage?), and her sister also sends them gift cards to grocery store, so they spend it for food.  In comparison, I think I am lucky with my situation.

Sam

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Re: Do you send your parents an "allowance" or provide other financial support?
« Reply #8 on: September 30, 2019, 09:13:14 PM »
I send my mom $1000 monthly, who, in part, supports my handicapped sibling.  I used to give her a little bit of money or other things periodically, but she was running short a couple times, incurring overdraft fees a couple times a year, and she shared with me that she feared running out of money.  She was a very good saver for our family when I was young and ensured we had opportunities that a truckdriver's kids might not have had, music lessons, ballet, gymnastics, etc. My family did not need to pay for my undergrad, and I paid for my own grad degree. 

So maybe there should be a bit more there?  However, about five years ago I encouraged her to buy a two bedroom condo in FL to escape the harsh midwest winters before I realized she was stretched budget-wise.  She has suggested selling it, but for now we get together as a family there and I've encouraged her to keep it and/or offered to pay the mortgage and taxes.  (It gets her some time away from my sibling too.)  When she dies, I am thinking that the condo and the house in the midwest will going into the special needs trust for my sibling, which I will administer.  She loves to travel so I've exchanged my AMEX MRs for us to go Tokyo in the Spring FC on ANA.  (It was a great redemption and neither of us have flown FC before.)  It could be my mom's last trip where she is mobile enough to get around with assistance.

Back on topic:  I have a close friend who provides some support to her spendthrift father and step-mom (maybe paying the mortgage?), and her sister also sends them gift cards to grocery store, so they spend it for food.  In comparison, I think I am lucky with my situation.

good on you and your mother. Good to have family!
Regards,

Sam

SteveGood

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Hi,


My parents doing agriculture for our own 6+ acre land in our village. So, they don't need much more money for running a routine life. If they needed we are ready to support financial or whatever.