When I lived overseas, one of the most celebrated aspects of my international schools was cultural diversity. At the International School of Kuala Lumpur, Taipei American School, and Canadian Academy in Japan, I had classmates from all over the world. With such a diverse student body, there was a natural openness and acceptance of one another, fueled by a genuine curiosity to learn about different cultures.
That changed when I moved to Virginia for high school and college. The cultural diversity I’d experienced during my first thirteen years of life seemed to vanish. Most of my classmates had grown up in Northern Virginia and had known each other since elementary school. Coming to America was a culture shock.
My positive experience growing up overseas, along with 13 years of working in international equities, are part of the reason I’ve enrolled my children in a Mandarin immersion school. We value the ability to speak a second language and learn about cultures beyond our own.
To give you a sense of how cultural differences can affect a minority’s ability to advance in the workplace, I’d like to share a personal experience. My hope is to shed light on a blind spot that some employers or employees may unknowingly have. I'm Chinese/Taiwanese/Hawaiian.
Out of respect for those involved, I’ve waited until now to publish this story, as the company no longer exists. This post isn’t about assigning blame—it’s about sharing a lived experience that underscores how not being part of the majority culture can create additional challenges in career progression.
Different Cultures Can Make for an Uncomfortable Work Environment
I once consulted part-time for a startup in San Francisco. During the final round of interviews, I met with three employees in person and gave each of them a signed copy of my WSJ bestseller, Buy This, Not That, with a personal note thanking them for their time and the opportunity. The role was “Founding Content Marketer,” so I figured sharing select articles from Financial Samurai and my personal finance book would demonstrate my expertise for the role. It was a financial technology company looking to gain clients through content marketing to use their product.
I ultimately got the job and was thrilled to go into the office once a week after dropping my son off at school. The team was friendly, and I was excited to be part of a collaborative environment again. The part-time role required about 20–25 hours a week, which was a nice balance now that both of my children were in school full-time.
About a month in, I decided to move from a desk to the office couch to write an article. It was the first time I’d sat there, but it reminded me of the couch I often use at home to write. Writing at a desk surrounded by people chatting isn’t my style. As a writer, I need silence.
The “Unintentional” Disrespect
As I got situated on the couch, I looked up and saw a makeshift cubicle where a senior employee—the founding designer, whom I had interviewed with—was working. To my surprise, I noticed my book being used as a monitor stand, stacked beneath his screen along with one other book!
WTF?!
Some might not think it’s a big deal, but I felt insulted. I had spent two years writing Buy This, Not That, inscribed a personal note, and gave it to him as a gift. At the very least, I hoped he’d take it home or put it on a shelf, not repurpose it as office equipment.
In my culture, books are treated with reverence. They aren’t stepped on, flipped through with dirty hands, or used as doorstops. If you don’t want to read a book, that’s fine. Just don’t disrespect the author by using it as a prop, especially when they’re in the same room. If this senior employee came from an Asian culture, I doubt he would have done that.
After seeing how casually he treated my book, I no longer wanted to go into the office and be reminded of the disrespect. I don’t believe he intended to insult me, but he lacked emotional intelligence, and I wasn't about to teach a 50+-year-old white guy originally from Canada any.
From that week on, I chose to work from home.
Working from Home as a New Employee Can Be a Career-Limiting Move
If you feel uncomfortable in the office, chances are you won’t do your best work. You’ll likely avoid the people you don’t naturally connect with, which weakens your internal support network—especially when it comes time for raises or promotions.
Fortunately for me, I had the flexibility to work from home and wasn’t seeking a raise or promotion as a part-time consultant. But by not being physically present, I missed out on building relationships through small talk, coffee breaks, or casual walks to lunch. These seemingly minor moments play a big role in office culture—and in how people come to like, trust, and support you. Your financial future is at stake.
If you're a relatively new employee (less than three years in), it’s worth spending most of your time in the office if you want to move up. Working from home too often can stunt your career growth. The reality is, people don’t advocate for colleagues they barely know. And when people aren’t rooting for you, opportunities pass you by.
Cultural Differences at Happy Hour Too – Chicken Wings
You might’ve thought the cultural clashes ended with the book incident, but there was more!
One weekday afternoon, the team organized a happy hour with drinks and food around 4 p.m., and I decided to join. I love a good get-together over drinks. It’s one of the things I miss most about working full-time—along with year-end holiday parties.
I arrived promptly at 4, and most of the crew filtered in by 4:15 to this divy and dark Irish pub. The senior employee who had used my book as a monitor stand showed up around 4:30. I greeted him, and we all started chatting over beers. There was no awkwardness.
We ordered some chicken wings, and after eating three, I tucked the bones under the bowl plate on the table. In my culture, this is how we avoid contaminating uneaten food, especially when there’s no empty plate and everyone’s tightly packed in. I didn’t want to put chewed bones in the same bowl as fresh wings.
To my surprise, the same senior employee gave me a look of disgust and said, “What are you doing? Put those bones on the plate!”
I was caught off guard. But I calmly explained why I did it. Did he really want to risk touching someone’s half-eaten wing while grabbing a new one? If he wasn't paying attention, he might just eat an eaten one too.
He apologized, we laughed, and kept enjoying our beers. Then he added, “Phew, I’m glad this happened in a small setting. I would have been really embarrassed.”
The funny thing is, the CEO—who’s also Asian—had placed her chicken bones directly on the table too, but with a little more sophistication with a napkin. At the pub, I didn't feel the need to protect the grimy old table. But maybe I should have and something I’ve learned to do next time.
It Takes Effort to Assimilate in the Workplace
After the second incident, it became clear I didn’t have a supportive colleague. We were like oil and water. Had I been a full-time employee, I might have eventually run into the “bamboo ceiling.”
The experience made me reflect on what many minorities or people from different backgrounds must do to fit into a new work environment. In small companies especially, being culturally aware and adapting to the dominant workplace norms can feel like a necessity, not an option. Before joining any team, it's worth getting a sense of your potential colleagues, not just their résumés, but who they really are.
If you're part of the majority, there's a kind of ease you get to enjoy. You don’t need to change how you speak, act, or think to fit in. You can just be yourself—because who you are likely mirrors the rest of the team. That similarity creates natural rapport, which can translate into support and career advancement.
But when someone comes from a different background, it takes extra effort to understand them—and frankly, most people don’t bother. We assume others will adapt to us, not the other way around. That assumption can make those from different cultures feel subtly unwelcome or misunderstood, even if no one means harm.
After four months consulting for this fintech startup, I decided I’d had enough and gave my notice. It was an eye-opening experience that gave me a newfound appreciation for how hard early-stage startup employees work. It was also a reminder of how exhausting it can be to stay in an environment that doesn’t fit.
Unbeknownst to me, the senior employee I didn’t get along with left just three months after I did. Had I known he was planning to leave, I might have stuck around!
If the Disrespect Is Unintentional, Try Not to Take It Personally
I’m sharing these examples not to assign blame, but to raise awareness. What you perceive as strange about Ray from Tunisia or Stephanie from Japan might simply be cultural. Instead of quietly judging, try asking questions and getting to know the person. You’ll likely discover there’s a reason behind the behavior, and often a perfectly logical or respectful one.
If you feel out of place due to cultural differences, it’s still important to make the effort to assimilate. If your boss loves pickleball, try playing. You might hate tacos, but if your team hits the taqueria every Tuesday, you’d better learn to stomach a few. It’s not always fair, but if you want to succeed in that environment, you have to meet people where they are.
At the same time, don’t be afraid to share aspects of your culture too. If a moment like the chicken wing incident happens, take it as an opportunity to explain—not defensively, but confidently. Most people aren’t intentionally disrespectful; they simply haven’t been exposed to anything outside their bubble.
Cultural misunderstandings are inevitable. But with a little empathy and effort from both sides, they don’t have to be career-limiting.
What are some cultural differences you've encountered in the workplace that may have held you back? Do you put your eaten chicken wings back in the bowl with the fresh wings, or do you place them on the table to avoid contamination if there are no empty plates? Would you feel disrespected if a colleague used the book you wrote as a monitor stand?
Negotiate a Severance From a Job You Dislike
Working at a job where you don’t feel comfortable being yourself is draining. If you’re going to spend so much of your life working, you owe it to yourself to find the right fit. No amount of money or prestige is worth the daily stress of not feeling like you belong.
That’s why I recommend learning how to negotiate a severance package by reading my bestselling ebook, How To Engineer Your Layoff. It will show you how to create a win-win situation with your employer and walk away with a valuable financial cushion.
Both my wife and I negotiated six-figure severance packages—mine in 2012 and hers in 2015—and we’ve never returned to full-time employment since. Use the code “saveten” at checkout to save $10. The book provides more value than a $500/hour employment lawyer.
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Sorry to be late to the comment. Growing up in an East Asian household in Canada, I was accustomed to invite “everyone” and get invited. “Adult-only dinner parties” wasn’t in my vocabulary unless it’s NSFW. My parents never hire a babysitter because of an adult-only event: They always brought everyone including my toddler siblings.
When I entered the workforce, I expected to hear every single conversation. I got upset when I learned how people just invited highly selective stakeholders to the meetings and lunches. I learned the need for privacy as an adult and became less noisy. Those folks weren’t out there to offend me.
(*shrugs*) You live and learn!
I’m retired now but I’ve been fortunate to spend 40% of my career working overseas, living in London & Sydney with roles that encompassed the EMEA & APJ regions. So I agree with Sam that assimilation matters. But it is very different in the USA compared to other countries because our workplace culture is the most hierarchical and dogmatic I’ve experienced. We laugh and cringe at the sycophants in Trump’s cabinet, but the HQ of many US companies is equally as bad. And even worse, folks who kiss up expect their underlings to suck up to them as well. A very perverse Newtonian physics. So be careful that you don’t lose your dignity if assimilating is really just being obsequious.
Thanks for sharing your perspective. Working overseas definitely opens your eyes to how different workplace cultures can be, and I agree—hierarchy in many U.S. companies can be extreme compared to places like Australia or parts of Europe. There’s a fine line between healthy assimilation and losing yourself just to appease the higher-ups. I’ve always believed you can adapt to a culture while still keeping your dignity intact—though it’s admittedly easier said than done, especially in environments that reward sycophancy.
As a Canadian-born Chinese, when I meet another employee who is of :Chinese descent and has a purely Chinese first name, I do take license to ask them if they have a nickname I can use. Even I myself, can’t remember a pure lst Chinese name. After all, there is the Mandarin one, vs. Cantonese. I’m mother dialect is Toishanese.
Inevitably the other employee does give me English or Anglicized nickname…which we BOTH know it’s easier on unilingual English speakers or non-Asians. :) So that’s the internal cultural speak among different Asian descent folks in the North American workplace. :) where we know we won’t be offending one another to ask each other about nicknames to use.
I have a boring English 1 syllable first name (1950’s) and it’s legal. But my Chinese name is lovely translated in English..as “Precious”. My father wanted to give English first names to all his 6 children, to make life easier on us. That is the terrible truth. After all, a person’s name appears on a resume.
It’s fascinating to see that all the people defending the colleague who used Sam’s book as a monitor stand, are white/western just like the colleague. Meanwhile, the people saying the colleague was rude and a prick are minorities and white/western people.
It just goes to show you that even if you make a good gesture, it can be criticized and punished. So assimilation is really the name of the game if you wanna get a job and survive.
Thanks for bringing up this fascinating story! Got to wear one mask at work and take it off at home to survive in this world.
Personally, if I worked at a financial tech company and got a personal finance book, I would be both curious and thankful. I never get this from people except for family during the holidays. So getting a thoughtful gift outside, the norm is special.
And obviously, giving the gift was a nice gesture because Sam got the job. And when I read that, the colleague left three months after Sam did, that was not a surprise at all. I’m sure the other colleagues didn’t really like him either.
I’m wondering why you didn’t professionally and courteously confront him about the book.
Maybe he didn’t realize he was giving offense…
Maybe he was an A-hole…
Maybe he thought you were an A-hole for shoving your bestselling book at him…
Maybe 5 other possibilities could have been true…
Unless you communicate about it, you’ll never know.
Probably should have, but I couldn’t come up with anything with Tse at the moment to make it less awkward. I also wanted to see if he would take it down eventually. But he did not so I mentioned it when I left over my last video call.
However, as commenter Brad said below, in his culture, once a gift is given, it’s none of your business what the person receiving the gift does to it.
And you’re right, I could be the A hole for gifting him the book and writing a thank you note after the interview. Would that be offensive in your culture? If so, what culture do you come from?
I’d love to hear what you would have done if you were me and an example of a cultural difference you had in the workplace and how you resolved it. Thanks
Sam, if the couple items you mentioned were enough to turn you off to working for a company, congratulations! You’re rich enough and have been working for yourself too long to bother with average Americans.
I understand the difference between expected levels of respect in some Asian countries and the U.S. My wife is Asian and I’m a white dude with U.S. roots going back to colonial days in Virginia. My wife had to house train me soon after we met.
She gradually helped me see that the stars-n-stripes do-it-my-way individualistic imperialism that we United-States people are brought up to celebrate is great for winning wars and promotions but not for winning friends in her home country or improving relationships in our home. I’ve improved over the decades, but I’m still in training.
I expect brutish behavior anywhere in the United States and certainly in a corporate environment in which the selfish behavior of employees is a reflection of the selfish mission of any corporation – more for us, less for them, huzzah! Corporations are loosely regulated to prevent bloodshed, and there are HR rules inside a company to at least create the impression that flagrant malevolence may formally be frowned upon.
It’s always a relief to spend time in my wife’s home country where I can expect people to be decent. But I choose to live in the United States for most of the year, and if I ran away every time someone didn’t value my hard work or the way I ate chicken, well, I’d need to stay in my house.
So I do stay in my house most of the time when I’m in the U.S., or at least in environments in which I choose my company. I mostly work from home when I work because I don’t like office culture and commuting through the city. I avoid going to most restaurants in my city because the service is bad and the other diners are often obnoxious. I avoid shopping etc etc
I couldn’t always afford be so choosy, but I can afford to now, so screw ’em, I do it my way.
Thanks! The incidents weren’t the main reason why I left, but they certainly didn’t help. As a writer, all were good experiences. I love these type of awkward moments and lessons we can learn from them.
“great for winning wars and promotions but not for winning friends in her home country or improving relationships in our home. I’ve improved over the decades, but I’m still in training.”
I love this reflection of the situation and of yourself. And I’m glad you ain’t locked up in the house all day! Office culture can be good or difficult. It just depends on whether you find the right fit or not.
One of the biggest points of having money is being able to choose who we surround ourselves with. And that is such a gift. Congrats!
Freedom! Couldn’t agree more. Thanks Sam. Cheers.
Love your stuff and honest takes. If you gave them the book and they didn’t ask for it, well at that point it’s none of your business right? That’s a good one to sit with. No doubt we all have plenty of those, I know I do.
You’re absolutely right. Treating a book with respect is part of my culture, so if I wanna get ahead in the workplace, I have to learn to suck it up and accept the disrespect if the majority’s culture doesn’t view books the same way.
This is the big takeaway from the post. If you don’t want to exert so much energy trying to fit in, then you have to join a company with a better cultural fit.
Assimilation is the name of the game in corporate America. If it’s not worth it, then you have to do something about it. Everything is rational in the end.
I’m glad your culture doesn’t find using a gift as a monitor stand while the gifter is in the same room with you disrespectful. What culture are you from?
But I would be curious to see what would happen if you took your bosses gift and used it as a monitor stand. Do you think they would be offended? If not, that’s probably a great fit for both of you guys. If you could give it a try and let me know, I’d appreciate it. Thanks!
Sam, I need to admit I have disrespected your book! I gave it so my son and his wife, and I knew they would not read it. They are mid 30’s professionals, HENRYs, who max their retirement accounts and have a mortgage on a unicorn house, and when you throw in activities, have time for little else. So when I spent 3 weeks with them this summer, I noticed your book, in unread condition, on a shelf.
I picked it up and read it in 3 days, and am now going back through with a highlighter, folding pages and occasionally dripping some coffee. I have read your stuff for years, occasionally harassing you by email (say it ain’t so, you can’t quit writing Sam!). My wife and I are Average Rich and live frugally, other than regular international travel. Maybe I will send you a pic of the roughed up version of your book. It ain’t propping up my laptop!
We are in the process of considering ’going long’ in real estate and as I build cash flows, I think of you as the inspiration.
Keep up the good work. The average $ accumulation of your readers is high because they recognize the value in what you do.
take care,
rb
Hi Sam,
I am from India but grew up in Virginia and then moved to Manila and attended the International School there.
I have lived in three different states here in the US and am married to a caucasian.
I could write a book on my experiences of cultural differences and another book on racism and another on being a minority woman.
Here is what I have observed: Americans are ethnocentric so there is no interest in learning, understanding and respecting other cultures. It starts with our school system that does not teach or encourage diversity.
Our government- past and present administrations- do not care to understand other countries, their cultures and their value because of the superiority complex we adhere to so vehemently.
On the positive side I believe the younger generations don’t think like this and crave a diverse culture where everyone’s differences are embraced and respected.
One other note- my daughter lives in Cape Town and when she comes to visit us here she is appalled at the lack of knowledge and the amount of ignorance of the world outside of the United States.
Thank you,
K
Why didn’t your parents have an assignment restriction to Taiwan if one of them is Taiwanese? Was one of them born in Taiwan? I always hated how arbitrary and unfairly applied DS assignment restrictions were, with zero recourse. Yet another reason I’m glad to be retired.
Not sure. But your comment is fascinating given this is your take away from the post. I hope everything is OK. Rooting for your happiness.
One reason I read your blog and follow your posts is your honesty about your mistakes, your reactions and your learning experience. I really enjoy learning along with you! I have your signed book here and I promise never to use it as a monitor prop! As for your parents, who are probably about my age, you need to realize that the type of neglect of their house is something that happens to many elders–they just don’t have the energy or will to keep up with all the repairs. The best thing you can do is what you did–visit longer so you notice things that are wrong and maybe get them a reliable service or handyman that they can call to coordinate things when they go wrong and you’re not there.
Thanks for sharing this post. It resonates!
As an anglo-American I was privileged to be able to live in Asia for a sadly way too-brief time and traveled extensively for many years later in China, India and the region. I experienced similar experiences as the minority. My only commentary is “assume positive intent” as few folks are trying to offend.
While I can’t attach a photo of my monitor support to this post, I confess that I am using two of the three volumes of Dante’s “Divine Comedy” (Inferno and Purgatorio) as height adjustments for my monitor. It is certainly not out of disrespect for Dante! After my retirement my wife and I have done a lot of trying to educate ourselves on things we never were exposed to in our engineering curriculum. One of the first things we did was read aloud together the Divine Comedy – alternating reading for each canto. The use of the books for my monitor stand is a help to remind me of how much I don’t know and how enjoyable that shared experience was.
Thanks for all that you continue to do. Your recent posts have been very thought provoking and appreciated.
I completely agree on everything except I feel like the senior colleague using your book as a book stand isn’t “cultural”… that’s just low EQ and rude af lol that’s just something you don’t do and I wouldn’t associate that with anything cultural; unlike the chicken wing incident, that one I get but I won’t let the bookstand thing slide lol.
I always find it ironic being in Canada and the US, people are still culture-phobic meanwhile these 2 countries are built off of immigrants and literally has cross cultures as their identity. So I’m always amazed when people in various settings, still get “annoyed” and overreact when things are out of the ordinary. I walked into the washroom and got startled that my Muslim colleague was praying on the floor there. I was “shocked” that there was a person kneeling down on a public washroom’s floor but I wasn’t “insulted” he was praying, and I think that’s the biggest difference. I feel it’s completely ok that you were surprised someone’s in the public washroom kneeling but it’s fine he was praying. In fact, I felt bad for the guy because he was being considerate and didn’t want to trouble others at work by praying in the washroom.
Being Chinese-Canadian, I can relate to Sam a ton and yes it does affect our “ascent” so to speak at work lol but then again, we just ought to focus on the important things in life rather than the negative. Like my 爷爷 always said, “f*** ’em” haha
Yeah, I think the dude was just an a-hole of the passive-aggressive variety. Given what he did, it seems he was simply jealous of Sam’s success and had to display it.
What happened with the start up? Why did it go under?
Just got acqui-hired by one of its investors.
I’m sorry you were insulted by your boss. That’s one thing about having money is that you can blow them off and move on. He doesn’t have anything to really offer you so what he thinks or says doesn’t really matter. I think in all cultures there are nice people and not so nice people. I try to stay away from people who are negative.
Thanks. He wasn’t my boss, just a senior colleague I had to collaborate with on the website. It was an amusing situation I thought I’d share. Insults are a part of social interaction and work life.
I may be wrong, but what I’m hearing in these particular examples is more cases of INDIVIDUALS being, shall we say, less than thoughtful/polite, rather than things that are culturally representative.
I tend to go with “when in Rome, do as the Romans do.” In order to work together and achieve shared objectives, it’s optimal for folks to share common values, attitudes, and approaches.Yet even in a situation where everyone shares all of that, you’re still gonna have difficult/unpleasant individuals who can make things uncomfortable.
The work environment is always going to be a place where, in one way or another, you have to suck it up to some extent in order to get along and achieve success. It shouldn’t be a huge big deal; you can be your “true, whole self” at home/on your own time. At work, you’re always going to have to subjugate your personal ideals/desires/priorities to the shared endeavor.
The worst thing one can do is look for places/reasons to take offense. That doesn’t mean you have to like everything or everyone, but it does mean that, to a certain extent, ya gotta just roll your eyes and keep moving on.The tough part is identifying your own limits— just how much perceived “disrespect” do you want/need to tolerate? It’s up to the individual to determine that, and either suck it up or move on.
In general, it seems like we’ve tipped a bit too far in the direction of Me! Me! Me! in recent times. We could all do with a bit more compromise, humility, and understanding. Unless you’re dealing with outright intolerance or deliberate ill intent. It helps to try to think, “everyone is doing the best they can”, and just keep moving on.
I agree. Everything is long-term rational. I used the book incident as an opportunity to find an excuse to just stop coming into the office, as it wasn’t mandatory.
If you need the money and want the promotions, you’ve got to suck it up, assimilate, ingratiate, or find a new job. At the same time, I’d hope more managers and employees who are part of the majority or in-crowd become more aware of these incidences that those who aren’t, often have to deal with. It takes extra effort and patience, which also can take away from work productivity.
These experiences gave me a renewed appreciation for being free. Overall, it was an enjoyable experience.
We laughed at the chicken wing incident and drank our beers. To me, it was hilarious this incident unfolded.
Would you put your chicken eaten wing bones back in the bowl, as he instructed?
Not at all! I’d say, No, that’s gross! and laugh. :D
Good to know! I need more confirmation, as for a moment, I doubted my sanity. WTF would I put my eaten chicken wings back into the fresh plate?! Thought it was a Canadian thing or something.
I concur. It was disgusting. To me that is manners and being thoughful. I have gone out with many people to sports bars/restaurants and we have have shared food but we also got individual plates. That guy is a person who has no respect for other people.
Haha yes gross AF!
This kind of reminds me, Koreans would share everything from the table like side dishes and even soups. You would just put your spoon right back in main bowl of soup or pick up your side dishes with the same chopsticks you just stuck in your mouth. But I wonder if that’s a little different esp after Covid.
Yup, experience this a lot! In my country, white has become minority group and steadily more black majority. Although good, It’s quite disorientating as a culture shifts over time and you realise you’re a minority and that’s why your mannerisms start to become jarring to colleagues or you no longer share the same anecdotes or culture with people.
Interestingly similar to another poster below, I had the same issue with our boss that confused me with another white individual, and couldn’t really remember either which white person was working on the project. It’s just the cross-race effect and seems to be pretty common.
Using your book as a monitor stand isn’t just careless, it’s dismissive. I would have taken it as a cue and exited right away.
Well, I used it as my cue to no longer go into the office, as suggested, but not forced. After the first month of going into the office once a week, I was over it and happily wanted to work from home again. Ultimately, I did leave the company after only four months.
Everything is long-term rational.
I can totally see how having your book used as a stand appeared disrespectful- and it was. But, sometimes I do stuff like that when I want to keep something visible and in close proximity, because I am interested and I want the material accessible if I get some time to look at it. If I were to bring it home, I would have to put it in a drawer to make sure it doesn’t get wrecked by the kids or the dog and then the chance that I look at it again is low. What he did was hurtful, but it could be as simple as the way this person organizes.
Maybe he did read the book and got jealous of you- which precipitated the chicken wing event?
Since moving from the prairies to the coast I have personally experienced several cultural and many vernacular differences within my own ethnic group. So maybe its more complex than reducing it to differences based on ethnicity.
That’s a good perspective I hadn’t thought of! Maybe that’s what he did, but I’m not sure, as he did have a very outspoken and strong personality, and left 3 months later. Thanks for sharing.
Don’t think he was jealous of me. He was the “founding designer” and a big dog at the firm and I was just a PT consultant. Nothing to be jealous about, except for my full head of jet black hair maybe and smooth, tan skin haha.
The whole work environment and fitting in can be exhausting – more exhausting for some, than others. It was a good experience, and I’m also glad to be out. Renewed sense of appreciation for freedom.
Don’t underestimate hair! lol
In a position of wealth it is really hard to go to work- where everyone else really needs the paycheque- and eat BS. And whoever is overlording you can usually sniff it out because you don’t have the fear that motivates other employees.
I hear you on the hair. You don’t really appreciate a full head of hair until you lose it. And the guy was 70% bald.
I got to know my 90% bald friend really well, who has done two hair strip procedures, where the doctor takes thousands of follicles from the back of the head and implant it on the top or the front. He got me so hooked and interested that I went down the rabbit hole to do the whole research on hair transplants.
It is awesome what science and doctors can do today. I think I’d do it as well if my hair really starts to go. Why not! YOLO.
100%
I probably ran into the bamboo ceiling as an Asian American technical contributor at my former job at a major electronics/computer firm. Even though I had outstanding reviews year after year and was maxed out at that pay band, I just couldn’t get promoted even with the support of my immediate manager. I’m pretty sure a certain upper level manager was blocking me in the wheeling and dealing that goes on behind closed doors. When the project got axed, everyone above me was let go, but I was able to stay on with another group and held out for an early retirement package which came along a couple years later.
Bummer to hear, but great you survived and got that nice retirement package!
I often agree with you but this is one time where I feel you are being overly sensitive. I travel the world frequently and I simply accept the local culture for what it is and try my best to fit in. As a new employee in a workplace I feel your impetus should have been to do the same. Your chicken wing experience reminds me of both Thailand and Russia where nearly everyone simply uses the spoon they are eating with to serve themselves communal food including from jars of hot sauce, peanut butter, etc. Personally I do not enjoy sharing saliva but I have learned ways to deal with it without being an offending guest. Argentina is another example where everyone drinks mate from the same cup and straw.
Having your own culture is fine but when others who are on their home turf appear to not respect yours this should not a reason to get upset.
Indeed, it is often the responsibility of the minority and the new hire to assimilate to the majority if they want to thrive. So if I wanted to better assimilate and make better relationships, I should’ve just accepted that the senior employee used my book as a monitor stand. No big deal. It is great that you would not feel disrespected if you were me.
Given, I have options and didn’t care about getting a raise or promotion as a part-time employee, I decided to rationally just start working from home instead. It’s what I’m used to. But what about those new hires and minorities who do not have such options? Or who want to get paid and promoted? They’ll have to learn to suck it up.
Offices today often promote inclusivity, so when someone makes a gesture of goodwill—like gifting a personally signed book—it’s reasonable to expect a basic level of professional courtesy in return. Using it as a monitor stand, intentionally or not, felt dismissive, especially since writing it took two years.
I wasn’t asking others to adopt my culture, just to show some consideration. And when those moments add up, they can start to feel like signals that you’re not fully welcome. My goal with this piece was to raise awareness that what may feel like nothing to one person might carry weight for another. A little extra thoughtfulness can go a long way in building better working relationships.
Do you have an example of where you created something and gifted it, but it wasn’t used as expected, and you brushed it off? What culture are you from?
I was actually very shocked that you gave a copy of your book to someone who interviewed you. I’m not meaning to be rude but it reeks of your own super-ego & of you promoting your own self-interest i.e. being done for your own benefit (so he will remember you, see how good you are) & expecting him to be super grateful. It may not be anything he was remotely interested in. You’re going on & on about manners but your own super-ego needs to come down & you need to be more humble, great authors/people with good manners wouldn’t be promoting their own work by shoving the book into an interviewer’s hands especially if its nor related to the job at hand. Regarding him using it as a monitor stand, he probably just grabbed what was available to move the monitor higher, I know I have (though it wasn’t books, it was reams of paper) though he probably should have been more sensitive, it was probably just a quick thought, let’s get this monitor elevated, what can I quickly use.
Don’t worry, I like critical comments. I probably do have an ego problem and my culture really focuses on gift-giving as a sign of respect. For example, every time I go to someone’s house I bring a gift and whenever we go for a meal, my culture fights for paying the bill.
I need to try better assimilate to western culture if I want a job. It’s just what I grew up with in Asia and I haven’t had a job in 2012. The company was also a fintech company with great synergy to my book.
But you know what? They must not have been offended enough because I got the offer. The role for was to be the Founding Head Of Content. And I felt what better way to demonstrate my ability to produce relatable personal finance content than share Financial Samurai my book that recently came out. And as the interviewee, that is the ultimate goal – to get the job.
What culture are you from and how is the environment at your firm?
The other shocker for me was that you would give them a book, titled “Buy This, Not That” as if they would need you to tell to counsel them on what to buy, as if they couldn’t have figured out what they should buy themselves, but I’ll give u a pass if there were close synergies with the mission of their business, but otherwise another gift would have been more appropriate but not to an interviewer, because it reeks of currying favor.
I’m not working now, I’ve worked at financial & fintech firms with people of many cultures. I’m from western Europe but live in USA now. In any work environment, there are always differences in how people behave & how people expect others to behave & often it can be partly based on how people were raised. For the most part in the workplace, we have to ignore these differences, even when we may consider others to be rude, insensitive or inconsiderate, in an effort to get along & keep projects moving. I try to ignore/’not sweat’ the small stuff as I have bigger thing to be concerned about.
Oh, it wasn’t my intention to give him a book to tell him what to buy and do with his money – he’s a grown man. It was a demonstration that I can write and produce engaging content. Again, the role was for Head Of Content (Founding Content Marketer). So in my mind, I thought it was only logical to share some of my articles from Financial Samurai and a book I had recently written that would speak to their audience/clients/potential clients.
I was literally introduced to them by a VC reader who said I wrote Buy This Not That and have Financial Samurai.
So I’m assuming giving the book and writing a thank you note made sense, especially since I was offered the role the very next day with a unanimous vote. One of the ideas, which they enjoyed, was doing a giveaway promotion.
As a writer, I love experiencing and sharing these interesting situations. I also think everything is rational in the end.
Why aren’t you working now? Could be fun for you to get back into work culture! But being shocked by a gift and thinking it is egotistical, instead of a kind gesture that’s also pertinent to the job, might make it difficult for you to assimilate as well.
I’m FIRE. I’ve always assimilated easily into work environments as I don’t sweat the small stuff. Yes, sometimes, it is necessary to submit writing samples for a job writing content. I wasn’t aware initially that that’s what the job was for as you mentioned it was a job at a fintech company.
Sounds good. And congrats. Does that change your perspective now where you no longer think it’s egotistical? Or would you still not do it?
This totally changes my perspective as I understand the purpose of the job was writing/Head of Content. I agree, writing samples are necessary for a job writing content, including your books that you published & that yes, it was a good idea to give them as they are an example of your work. I’m sorry, I misunderstood you as I didn’t know what the position was for.
No problem—thanks for engaging. The only other role I’d be suited for is business development. That said, even in that capacity, the book serves as a powerful tool for client acquisition. It can be used for giveaways or as a resource to facilitate meaningful conversations on topics most relevant to both existing and prospective clients. The company was a digital wealth management platform.
Seems to me you’re reading too much into this and are being overly sensitive here. In this day and age of hyper competitive hiring, prospective hires should absolutely differentiate themselves from the herd and share tangible examples of their work. It’s not egotistical at all.
You find gift-giving as egotistical and offensive? Get outta here. The next thing you’re going to tell me is that you’re a white woman who doesn’t work, or who is easily offended by a man opening the door.
Giving a personal finance book while to demonstrate one’s writing chops, for a role as the Head of Content at a fintech company isn’t egotistical or self-promoting. It shows a complete grasp at how Sam’s role could be a great fit.
I swear, some people like you and the monitor guy completely lack emotional intelligence, which is why workplace culture sucks.
I wasn’t aware of what the role of the job was, he just stated initially it was a job at a fintech company.
So you’d be shocked and find it egotistical if a designer gave the interviewer a copy of their design portfolio and signed a thank you note, for the design job?
That’s nonsensical.
I’m Japanese and we would never desecrate a book like that and be so disrespectful to an author, especially in front of them.
But your attitude is typical for what my name minor his face. The majority just says different cultures should not be offended and that’s that. Without being more aware that what they have done could be considered offensive.
This is one of the reasons why a lot of minorities just decide to start their own companies and not have to deal with this type of BS!
You’re actually contradicting yourself or read the story wrong because based on your comment the annoying guy who commented on the wings was the one who should have kept his mouth shut and Sam was in the right. I think that guy was out of line and he was the one who overreacted, not Sam.
That annoying coworker clearly is a doosh. Putting Sam’s gifted book under his monitor is a totally $h1ty thing to do. Majorly insulting. Imagine if you worked 2 years non stop on a product, then generously gifted it to someone, and then they trashed it in front of you to see every day at work – that’s a completely d1xx move imo.
As someone of Asian descent, I really resonated with Sam’s post. I don’t think it’s about being overly sensitive—it’s about being human. In many Asian cultures, books are deeply respected. My parents taught me never to mistreat them, and I would feel uncomfortable seeing one used to prop open a door or hold up a monitor, let alone if it was my book I wrote and gifted!
If someone gave me a signed copy of a book they wrote, I’d treasure it. So I can absolutely understand how that moment felt like a slap, even if it wasn’t intended that way.
When you grow up as a minority, you’re constantly navigating dual identities—trying to honor your heritage while fitting into the mainstream. That takes energy, and sometimes you just want people to meet you halfway.
Sam wasn’t demanding anyone change; he was just pointing out how easy it is to unintentionally alienate someone if you’re not mindful. I think that’s worth talking about.
I do appreciate that Sam shared this because I had no idea about importance of books like this.
My parents definitely did not teach me any of these manners, nor ever game me a book probably other than a bible. But funny enough I’ve been telling my toddlers to “treat the book with respect” every time they’re throwing or stepping on the books. Just because I don’t want another ripped book. Totally unbeknownst to me about the whole respect, maybe it’s just deep in my Korea genes haha.
Dang. Intentional or not, using a gifted book as a monitor stand is disrespectful. Sorry you had to see that.
I’m Korean-American. Born in Korea, but raised in the US, so I identify more with American cultural norms than Korean ones. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t experience any cultural differences.
One of the more outlandish ones was at one workplace, we had about 40-50 employees on our floor. Of those, three of us were East Asian males. Despite looking NOTHING alike, we were often confused with one another. One time, the office put together a “get to know your colleagues” booklet, and ironically, my name was listed under a photo of another East Asian colleague. His name was used for my profile. This was an insane experience.
I remember escalating it all the way up the chain, but nothing really came of it besides a generic apology. And a quick fix to update the names.
Another time, during a meeting, a senior official asked me about a project I wasn’t even involved in–clearly confusing me with the other East Asian guy.
Talk about feeling not valued.
Ah, how annoying is that? If they can’t identify you correctly, then do they really have you top of mind? It’s hard to believe so.
You might joke back with Bob, and refer to him as Mike. But if Bob is your senior, then that will probably be a career-limiting move. So there’s nothing you can really do but shake it off, make fun of the situation, and actually make your manager feel so embarrassed and aware that s/he never forgets who you are again!
You may not realize that while you do not believe the three of you look alike, those from other races may not hold the same belief. I grew up in a nearly all white neighborhood and when I was younger I may have confused East Asians simply because the differences that distinguish white people (eye color, hair color) are often absent in other races. I leaned to easily see the differences after having lived in Asia and Africa but those who have not may honestly confuse you but please do not take it as an insult. I have had similar issues when I travel in countries where there are few white people.
“but please do not take it as an insult”
That’s the thing. How can you not? If someone doesn’t even know your name after you’ve been working there a while, then that’s a problem.