Life is short and oh so precious. We must try to treasure each and every day. We just never know what could happen tomorrow. But sometimes it's really hard to be happy and make the most of things. Grief is one of the hardest emotions to process. How to deal with intense sorrow? Sharing stories and talking about our sorrows is a start.
The first time someone close to me died was when I was 13 years old. His name was Mark and he was the coolest kid I knew at Garden International School in Kuala Lumpur.
We used to skateboard together all the time. He even had a trick named after his girlfriend, “Ollie Andreen” – that's how cool he was. I had just returned from summer vacation and gave him a ring to go play when his mother picked up the phone and told me the news. I never was able to say good-bye to my friend.
I remember visiting my grandmother in the ICU alone late one night. Her condition worsened from just the week before. I had visited her at an elderly care facility where she was staying for the past month after suffering from a stroke while traveling abroad.
Because she couldn't get to an emergency room soon enough after her stroke, she was left paralyzed and unable to speak. Her face lit up upon seeing me for the first time in more than half a year.
My family had already spent time with her during the day and I wanted to hold her hand and thank her in private for everything she gave me that evening. She passed away the next day.
This week I lost my pet of the past nine years. His name was Mango and I got him a month after I bought my house. He was the softest, cutest little fur ball a person could have.
One of the reasons why I got a Chinchilla was because they are nocturnal. Given I was working so much during the day, I thought it would be perfect to get a pet that slept while I was away.
He hadn't been eating properly for the past week and began convulsing inexplicably. It sensed the end was near so I held him in my arms, helplessly watching him die until he stopped breathing.
Although Mango may be only a Chinchilla, I feel a very similar intense sorrow every time I think of him. I buried him in my backyard and every time I see the flower pedals on his grave I cry. I recommend taking some time away from work to grieve. We are not the same when we lose someone.
Maybe we start families because we don't want to die alone. Maybe we become more forgiving because we want our friends to come visit us when we are sick. Maybe we finally start to realize life speed accelerates the older we get.
I'm afraid of permanently losing my friends and family. I don't want to ever think I wish I had spent more time with them once they are gone. Perhaps sorrow is the real reason why I'm so hesitant to have kids. I cannot imagine the unbearable pain of losing a child. Cherish everything.
Tips For Dealing With Intense Sorrow And Grief
By letting yourself experience the feelings that accompany the loss, you can accept them as they come. Otherwise, the feelings you bury or deny may come up later or change you in unconscious ways.
Meditate And Do Deep Breathing Exercise
Not only should you meditate and do deep breathing exercises, you should get massages on a regular basis to release tension.
Share Your Feelings With Others
It's important to talk about the loss and the sadness and sorrow you feel. Don't worry that your feelings are uncomfortable for others. Talk to a friend, relative, or loved one. You'll feel better.
Cherish The Good Times
Instead of dwelling on the negatives, focus on the positives and all the great times you had.
Honor Their Memory
Do something positive for the person you lost. Maybe donate something under their name.
Pray For Their Happiness
Sit down and pray for their well-being wherever they are.
Find The Positives
Not only should you cherish the good times, you should think about the positives of a loss.
Exercise Regularly And Eat Well
Now more than ever, it's important to take care of your physical and emotional needs. Avoid alcohol and drug abuse. Eat healthy foods, get enough sleep, and get enough exercise. Take up writing, like me.
Maintain Your Network
You can always rely on someone to cheer you up and be a shoulder to cry on. We all go through a grieving process.