Fixing The Airlines Industry Because Flying Sucks

I've come up with a great business idea in the worst sector in the world.  No sector has had more bankruptcies than the airlines industries.  That said, I'm undaunted because I know demand when I see it!

Introducing Samurai Airlines, where babies pay more and the person in the middle seat gets both armrests!

The inspiration for my new company comes from years of frustrated flying.  I somehow always win the lottery by getting the middle seat next to bathroom with a baby behind and two giants to my left and right.  Despite all my trips and “Premier Status” on a number of airlines, I'm still treated like donkey food.  As a result, I'd like to propose the following benefits of Samurai Air:

* Baby Section. The last three rows of the airplane will consist of the Baby Section.  Parents will have their own area to bring as many crying babies aboard.  No longer will a parent feel guilty disturbing their neighbor's sleep because the section will have a sound proof glass enclosure!  Other customers will never have to worry about winning the baby lottery before boarding again.  The concept will be so revolutionary that demand will absolutely soar as passengers seek a more relaxing way to fly.

* Middle Seats Rock! Middle seats and not aisle or window seats will be the most coveted seats on Sam Air.  A middle seat passenger gets both armrests guaranteed, an inch wider seat, and a built in massage chair!  Along with these amenities, all in-flight movies are free and you get priority baggage space in the bins up top.  What's more is that you never have to worry about passenger 22B snaking your 1oA storage!

* Extra Big Section. The three rows ahead of the last three rows for babies will be reserved for larger folks.  The seat sizes will be the same as all other passengers and all big customers get to sit next to each other!  Can you imagine how awesome it would be to see three enormous dudes or dudettes sitting in a row trying to squeeze in?  They'd learn to understand how others feels when they overflow into their space.  Understanding will lead to greater harmony in the world as well as healthier people.  Given everything is rational, those who are overweight will hate to be stuck squished with other overweight people and work out like a contestant on “The Biggest Loser” to get a middle seat!

* On-time Guarantee. For every 1 minute late for departure or arrival, the passenger will get $1 dollar credit used towards their next flight.  Two hours late, $120 credit for you!  The credit program will create sticky customers, as well as a strong incentive for airlines to be on-time.


Samurai Airlines will give passengers their freedom back.  We will reward those who comply with the rules and make the world a better place through the creation of more seating sections.  We plan on purchasing 5 Boeing 787s to start and fly transcontinental.  Our initial fund raising is $1 billion dollars for aircraft purchasing, licensing, fuel, and staff.  We will dominate the airline industry with our innovative programs and friendly service.  If you would like to invest, please comment below and provide any feedback.

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46 thoughts on “Fixing The Airlines Industry Because Flying Sucks”

  1. Being overweight isn’t always the problem when I sit next to my lovely wife in coach on an airplane. We’re both tall and broad-shouldered, and the only way to make us both more comfortable is to have wider seats. Is that in your business plan?

    1. Yes, as mentioned, we will have 3 rows of seats in front of the soundproof baby section for all the big and tall patrons to sit together. Wider seats are available in first class. Cheers

  2. LOL- this is awesome. I would like to fly with Samurai Air. Does it have a frequent flyers points card?

    Yes, don’t forget leg room, that is a big one. I feel so claustrophobic with my legs unable to stretch out in a middle seat.

    I don’t know if I agree with your idea to have those in larger seats to sit with each other. That might equate to an uneven distribution of weight on the plane, possibly creating a safety hazard. What I propose (but would be eating into the profits of Samurai Air) is to have those that spill over into other seats occupy two seats, so there would be less spill over :) Though I think that happens now anyways in the airline industry!

    1. Yes, the best frequent flier program in the industry for sure!

      I feel bad that someone twice the size of the average should pay twice the amount. But, sitting together in the same seats is equality, and I’m all for that!

  3. The middle-seat ain’t bad — it’s the window seat that is teh suxors. You have two people to get through if you want to get out, and you have the airplane wall taking half of your headroom and foot-room as it curves inwards.

    I don’t care about all of those expensive luxuries that you propose on your airline. All of the things you describe are only problems if you are _conscious_, why don’t you just hand out free Xanax and call the problem solved?

    1. You must reLly need to go to the bathroom a lot! First I ever heard someone not wanting the window seat. I don’t need to to for 6 hours at a time usually, which means I generally don’t have to go on most flights. You?

      1. Only time I’ve used to bathroom on a plane is on a long international flight. I much prefer the aisle, then the middle, and the window last. If there is no overhead storage and you need to stuff your laptop under the seat in front of you — the window seat, with it’s reduced leg room to begin with, is god awful (I’ve had to do this a few times).

  4. Money Reasons

    Hey! I really like that idea of making the width of the middle seat an extra inch!!! That would make a world of difference!

    The baby sound proof barrier is interesting too, and I know you are joking, but the middle seat idea has some real teeth! Of course. all the Boeings would need to be widened by a few inches, but hey, that would be awesome!

  5. LOL! Suggest that flight attendants being assigned to the baby section be extra surly and disgruntled. Parents with kids can escape from the baby section by paying a premium, and then only if the children are suitably drugged into unconsciousness.

  6. Sunil from The Extra Money Blog

    a wise man once said, the best way to make a million bucks is to find a billion dollars and start an airline. lol – Sam I am hoping you are not planning on liquidating your portfolio to raise seed capital :)

  7. Funny stuff.

    To resolve the middle seat issue, just take it out. Airlines get to pick their planes and seat configuration, so pick planes and seat configurations that either give you two columns of two seats or three columns of two seats.

  8. I’m one who usually likes quiet on a flight, but how about a “fun’ section? Again, soundproof – but that’s for the others. Let there be music, cocktail waitresses, good food, fun people…kind of like Vegas in the air.

  9. @Mike – That invention sounds hilarious and incredibly dangerous! Sorry to say, but the kids might go deaf screaming in their own ears!

    @Darwin – Come on man, Samurai Airlines would have so much demand we could charge 3X industry average fares! By the time we do run into cost trouble, we’ll have plenty of time to cash out if we aren’t too greedy!

    @Aloysa – Glad to have you on board! Baby section is a win-win for all! They had a smoking section in the past, why not baby section?!

    @Evan – Your math is clearly wrong. Fail idea of a 2X2X2X2! Samurai Air will not be hiring you as an interior architect! :p

  10. Would love to fly with your airlines and pick that middle seat. I can now have more room to move from left to right and a free massage. LOL Seriously though, you can ditch the middle seat by redesigning the plane seat design. No more middle seats, all aisle and window seats are available. I love that baby section with added service of an exclusive flight attendant to help them out.

  11. How about obnoxious kids? What is the age cutoff to get in the soundproof area?

    I had an idea for an invention which would be a round fishbowl kind of a thing with active noise cancellation. The idea would be you slip it over the head of a crying baby and the noise disappears. However you need to have good parental supervision to ensure there is no emergency with the child as you won’t be able to hear it.

    Any takers for this invention?


  12. Nice! The airline would be broke in months, the industry being what it is, but it would rule! Maybe you can hire that guy who lost his temper and quit and jumped down the escape ramp.

  13. Don’t forget seats with extra leg room! I always have to sit in the emergency exit rows because seats are not made for you if you are really tall.

  14. I am soooo for the Baby Section. It is needed, it is overdue and it is the most important part of any plane… well… apart from the engine. LOL

    1. I would guess because your schematic would make the plane much wider, which would mean more materials/cost to build the plane, and more fuel to get the plane into the air (and bigger engines as well), which would eat into profits by quite a bit.

  15. @Little House – That’s the point! Samurai Airlines would result in natural selection which will lead to better customers and a more pleasant trip for all!

    @Mike – I’d love to sit next to two Avon ladies talk nonstop the entire flight! That would be such joy! Everytime you are about to nod off, jibber jabber to wake ya! OK, we will implement two rows for those who can’t stop talking. Perfect!

    @Evan – I’m trying to make this a profitable business, not bankrupt it with only rows with two seats! Gotta pack it in dude.

    @CC in C – They already have Economy Plus for a couple more inches of leg room. Pay up bud!

    @BD – Glad to have you onboard BD! The baby section is also good for parents who feel guilty distrubing others. A win win! Large folk section is also good, as many feel bad overflowing as well.

    @InvestItW – Unfortunately, I can’t check for a week since I didn’t bring my computer on my journey. Can’t even Tweet this post. Will check when I return!

  16. I don’t know if the aerodynamics of the 787 class will allow for a section solely for “the larger customer.” I think that the Boeing will have a tough time taking off (too many government subsidies in the cabin area), so this will need to be factored in — maybe Airbus can manufacture such an engineering feat.

    Additionally, engineers will have to figure out how to create more legroom. This is usually the killer for me.

  17. Invest It Wisely

    Hey, did I get spammed? I thought I commented on this… and it disappeared. :O

    The image of the “big guys” squeezing in next to each other makes me LOL…

    1. Hey?! I must have gotten spammed too! And I wrote a good bit **folding my arms and pouting like a young girl**

  18. I’ve been hoping for an airline who had a soundproof ‘baby-section’ for YEARS.
    Please create Samurai Airlines! I promise to use your service exclusively!

    Seriously, it would be so wonderful to be able to be on a flight where all babies and small children were in their own soundproof section. Restaurants can take this hint as well.

  19. Invest It Wisely

    Haha, nice. I especially got a kick out of point #3… just visualizing it made me laugh my ass off.

    At this rate with all of the new regulations, the airline industry will probably end up nationalized, anyways. Apparently for some people it’s just no longer worth the multi-hour long waits, the pat downs, the naked photos, etc… for many flights.

  20. I have been stuck in the middle seat only once and on that instance I had kids sitting on either side so I have both the arm rests for myself.
    I would like a row or two with extra leg room. On long flights, my legs get numb and knees hurt like hell. I am sure there are many 6 footers who would appreciate it.
    I so agree with the babies section. I had so many bad experiences with crying babies that the first thing I look around before boarding flights is the number of babies on it instead of potential terrorists.

  21. The only chance of survival you’ll have is if you use non-unioned workers!

    Instead of having all the hook ups for the middle seats – why not have No middle seats. Just multiple 2 seat rows?

  22. Mike - Saving Money Today

    I think you should add a special section where you can send adults who are voted off for being too loud and obnoxious. Send them to the back, hand them a parachute, and then open a trap door to send them on their way. Have you ever been stuck between 2 Avon ladies returning from a conference who persistently try to convince you that selling Avon would be absolutely perfect for your wife? Good grief.

  23. I like the middle seat suggestion, having an extra wide middle seat would make sitting in them more comfortable. I also like the on-time guarantee credit. Larger bathrooms would also be a good idea – I think it would make them less scary like Kris mentioned.

    Years ago I was flying and the airline attendants made some seating changes to accommodate a very large customer. I was the lucky schmuck to get stuck sitting next to him (probably because I was the smallest person on the plane)! Thank goodness it was a short flight because I was becoming claustrophobic during the trip. The idea to make all the larger people sit together is a good one, but then larger people would probably avoid your airline once they knew that was policy. ;)

  24. Geoff @ the world keeps spinning

    I would fly on your airline exclusively just out of principle if you were flying from and to where I needed to go. I find your ideas similar to the ones I wished airlines had. The middle seat arm rests and the extra big section are absolute musts! I always am letting the middle seat person take both armrests but unfortunately not everyone thinks along those lines.

  25. @Everyday Tips – Good suggestions! Yes, the narrow aisles are a problem for squeezing by and aisle seat passengers. Hmm, not sure if we can expand the aisles while expanding the middle seat too since we got only so much space. We will install the silent flush toilets per ur suggestion and install an extra large toilet for a $8 surcharge pls :)

    @David – Glad you never fly middle seats. You must have huge status or don’t fly often! Thanks for giving up one of your arm rests.

    1. I fly about 6-8 times a year. I generally try to book ahead of time so that I do not get stuck in a middle seat.

      I have changed to an earlier flight on ocassions and in these instances have had middle seats, however, at these times I do not care what you give me, I just want to get on the plane and get home.

  26. I would totally buy tickets on your airline! I was going to suggest a soundproof window pane as I was reading about the babies, but then there the suggestion was, already in print a couple lines further down.

    Can you also do something about making the bathrooms less scary? My kids used to be terrified to flush the toilet as they were so loud. Not to mention how confined you feel in those bathrooms.

    Wider aisles too so I can walk back from the bathroom and not have to run and leap over the drink cart? Thanks

  27. I thought you were going to be a great success until I got to the end of your post. Then I determined you were never going to fly a single flight. Why? You planned on using Boeing 787’s. Well this plane is never going to fly – as far as I can tell. :)

    Regarding the middle seat and armrests – I just thought everyone gave the middle seat person both armrests. I never fly in the middle seat – aisle always for me. However, I always let the person in the middle seat have the armrest.

    No investment from me – sorry!

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