Have you ever wondered who pays the bill if you’re a prospective client? I found myself asking this very question when I made plans with a realtor I was considering hiring. It all started when I went to an open house and met a realtor named Sally.
I was immediately drawn to Sally due to her wealth of knowledge. I’m currently very interested in building my real estate portfolio given the lag in property prices and very attractive rental yields vs. borrowing costs.
As a result, we got to talking and we agreed to have a follow up conversation during happy hour sometime in the future. Realtors are always looking for new clients. And I’m always looking to get up to date about the real estate environment. This post is not a topic of whether one should be buying property now. It’s about deciding who pays the bill.
So Who Pays The Bill?
The last time I let a woman pay the bill was never, especially for an acquaintance I hardly know. In fact, even for new male acquaintances, I always pay the bill. It’s just the way I grew up.
I asked the Twitter community whether I should pay or not since I am a prospective client. And I immediately got a range of responses from “don’t be that guy,” to “you are sexist for even thinking about wondering whether you should pay.”
Pretty tough responses, which leads me to believe that sharing any questions I have in public just opens oneself out for attack. I also understand why people shy away from others and keeps things to themselves.
The Reason For Conflict
The reason why I was conflicted was because I didn’t want the real estate agent thinking I was being presumptuous and sexist for paying. Nor did I want her to feel she needed to reciprocate in any way. I didn’t want her thinking just because I was the guy, that I should pay.
Then again, hardly any women I’ve been out with have ever insisted on paying. And when they do offer to pay, I can tell they are just being courteous and not entirely serious, which is something I do appreciate. I hate that moment of awkwardness when the bill comes and nobody takes initiative to grab the bill. That’s called having alligator arms.
I grew up in a culture that basically requires you to fight tooth and nail to pay the bill. I’ve seen my parents climb over their fellow diners, fighting to take care of the cheque. And, I’ve seen friends pretend to go to the bathroom an hour into dinner, to actually go find the server to pay the bill without us knowing! I’ve even seen adults proclaim that another party is dishonoring them if they dare pay for them too!
Bring Your Own Balls
If anybody REALLY wants to pay the bill they can. Perhaps I’m just more determined than others? It’s kind of like when I go out on the tennis court and my opponent who is on a 5 match losing streak and is supposed to bring balls asks, “Do you have balls?”
We’re playing at a damn tennis club that sells tons of balls. So him asking whether I have balls just means he doesn’t want to provide balls. But by golly, if you are going out for a drink with me, I plan on paying!
And that’s what I did with the realtor. I ended up paying the $60 bill. She didn’t offer to pay, and I didn’t expect her to. I was happy to pay, and she was happy to spend some time to get to know me.
Further Reading
- Are Americans Really So Financially Unprepared?
- ForUsAll: Solving Small Business Retirement Planning
- The Epitome Of Perseverance: Joe Locke’s 14-Hour Swim Through Cold And Darkness
- MyRA Won’t Help The Retirement Savings Crisis
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- An Easier Way To Get A Price Match Guarantee On Purchases
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Readers, are men sexist for wanting to pay the bill? If you really wanted to pay the bill, do you think you could? Should women be more aggressive in paying the bill? Is chivalry a synonym for sexist pig? Is the woman who said she is offended by my question on Twitter ever going to find a man?
Regards,
Sam
If you want to harass me on Twitter you can follow @FinancialSamura or sign up for my RSS feed.
Hi Lisa – Good point about if you paid every time you’d go broke since actual sales are small.
She should look at it as a business expense right? But I donno, maybe I have a way to make her feel like it’s not a business outing and more of a friendly drinks thing, so I ended up paying.
Yes, a guy should make a gesture to pay imo too if it’s a date.
So Sam are you really Japanese? I’m not sure how it is in the Japanese culture, but in the Chinese and Korean cultures the culture is similar to your own experiences: people “fighting” to pay the bill. Splitting is a Western thing and not really common to them.
In my own view whoever invites should probably pay, and if the parties know each other well then they should probably either split or rotate…
I’ve been with my fiance for 3 1/2 years, and we’ve taken turns with the bill. If you really calculate it, I’ve paid more than he has. Usually because I’ve made more than him during the majority of the relationship.
What generation are you from? I am shocked that there are still men alive who feel that they should pay? You are a dying breed. I am a GenXer, and I have yet to meet a man under 50 years old who understands chivalry such as paying when with a woman. I fault women because they mistake chivalry for sexism. I applaud you. You must be a baby boomer.
Thanks for stopping by. We are from the same generation. It’s interesting to set how attitudes change from one to another.
In my opinion, if it’s a date (casual or romantic) the man should pay. If it’s business, both parties should be treated equal and the party that is the vendor should be the one picking up the tab. So you just have to figure out who’s gains the most from the meeting. You with your gained knowledge or her with her potential commission from being your realtor.
My boss is female and I have no problem with her picking up the check. After all, she has the expense account.
You’re not sexist for asking the question, just real and intelligent.
Sounds quite calculated Apex! I see your point and it has it’s merits. I guess I just don’t think too deeply on the who benefits angle. Perhaps I should.
@Darwin – Exactly.
I would say that you should take care of the bill, not because you are the man, but because you are expecting her to share her knowledge of real estate. That is the benefit for her: she gives you the information that you’re looking for, and you pay for it by picking up the bill. I would give the same response if the realtor was a guy. It’s the same thing.
Let’s say I am in the market for a $2 million house. A buying agent earns about 2% ie $40,000 if I purchase. Does that change things on whether or not she picks up a $40 tab?
The chivalrous part of you wants to pay, but if it were a dude, you wouldn’t. It’s a biz deal and she’s the one that should be spending the money up front, right? After all, she makes 2-3% on the transaction!
I hate the battles around paying the bill. I put in my best effort to pay it, but I no longer get made if they other party insist on paying instead. It lessens the dining experience.
Sexist or not, I always offer to pay the bill when I’m dining with women (even when they are wealthier and I am), it’s just my culture and honestly, expected most of the time.