Before I became a father, I found it so illogical that couples would divorce after having a baby since it takes a village to raise a child. Yet it happens quite often. It took me becoming a father to understand why parents divorce after kids.
Babies, toddlers, and even preschoolers are often horrendous sleepers. And as a dad, I empathize with how difficult it is to operate on a couple hours of sleep.
When you're running on fumes, it can be tough not to feel frustration and resentment towards your partner. And without support it can be next to impossible to find time and energy for each other.
Imbalance And Resentment Lead To Divorce
You've got to talk things through and reconcile your differences as a team. In addition, you've got to divide and conquer.
Separation of tasks is crucial to instilling harmony, gratitude, and efficiency when you have kids.
If one parent is the primary caretaker and is tasked with full-time childcare, that is indeed a full-time job. So many stay-at-home parents build up resentment if their partner doesn't chip.
A SAHP (stat at home parent) may be expected to do all the housekeeping and all the childcare related tasks.
That is simply unrealistic. There needs to be some balance and relief for the SAHP to have time to her/himself. Taking care of kids all day is exhausting. If you don't believe me, you haven't tried it by yourself before.
Meanwhile, the spouse who has a traditional job may get frustrated that the SAHP doesn't understand the mental stress he/she goes through. Being a sole breadwinner puts immense pressure to provide on the working spouse. After a long day at work, all you want to do is go home and unwind for a while.
A few of the most common reasons why parents divorce after kids is they lose balance and stop communicating effectively. To regain balance, it's important to sit down as a couple and discuss how to delegate tasks.
This includes everything from who will be responsible for buying diapers, gassing up the car, washing dishes, vacuuming, watering the lawn, etc.
More Reasons Why Parents Divorce After Kids
Check out this fascinating comment from my post: Become A Better Father: Time To Man Up Dads!
We have a 10 month old now. My husband really struggles with simplifying. He believes so strongly in his duty to provide which is constantly at odds with the limited amount of time we have together. He justifies it as “securing our future by sacrificing today.” And I see it as “sacrificing today means having a broken relationship in the future”.
It's tough and not as easy as it seems. I’m glad you’ve retired before having a baby. I look forward to the day we are retired and can choose the time we spend with our kid while also being true to ourselves as individuals.
The wife is basically screaming out, “You dummy, what I care about is you being more present today!” But as a guy, I know how difficult it is to let go of the hustle and focus on the why.
Responsible guys tend to have this innate desire to provide, whether you make boku bucks or not. If we men cannot provide, we feel like losers.
Therefore, my simple advice to mothers is to just acknowledge their partner's hustle from time to time. Tell him he's doing a great job. And keep staying focused on the most important things. That way, he'll feel less stressed about always needing to make more money. As a result, he will naturally spend more time at home.
Financial Stress Is Another Reason Why Parents Divorce After Kids
In addition, get your finances in order together as a couple to improve your marriage. Money stress is another reason why parents divorce after kids. And it can be avoided with diligence, unity, and perseverance.
Here are some additional resources I’ve put together that will help you on your financial journey. Strive to earn more, save more, and become financially independent.
- Take advantage of free online financial tools: Free Wealth Management
- Explore my top financial products recommendations
- Learn how much you should aim to have saved in your 401(k) by different ages. The numbers could surprise you.
- Look beyond your salary and start earning passive income. Here are the best passive income streams I recommend.
Remember Your “Why” To Avoid Divorce
Raising a child is brutally difficult. If you don't want to get divorced after having a kid, make sure you guys never forget your why. Have open conversations. Forgive each other. Practice patient. Remind each other that this too shall pass.
The newborn stage is the hardest because you're both sleep deprived and at your worst. Things get easier after about the 3rd or 4th month because your baby will sleep longer throughout the night.
You'll gain more confidence as parents the longer time goes on. The days are long, but the years are fast. Enjoy the moment and never forget you guys are a TEAM!
Further Reading
Here are some additional articles for further reading.
- Divorce After Kids: Try Bird Nesting To Save Your Children
- The Average Net Worth For The Above Average Married Couple
- Do Some Parents Regret Having Kids? Some Do, Few Admit
- Prove Your Love By Making Your Spouse A Millionaire
Recommendation For All Parents
If there's one thing the pandemic has taught us, it's that life is not guaranteed. We must do everything we can to protect our children while they are still dependents.
As a result, please get life insurance. Not only should you get enough life insurance to cover your liabilities, your life insurance term should last long enough to get them through college.
The best place to get life insurance is through PolicyGenius. PolicyGenius will help you find the best plan for the lowest price tailored to your needs. PolicyGenius provides free, no-obligation quotes so you can get the best rate.
In the past, you would have to get a life insurance quote by applying to individual carriers – the process was completely opaque. Now, you can have multiple qualified life insurance carriers compete for your business after applying on PolicyGenius. It's so much more efficient!
After eight years of owning life insurance, my wife decided to check on PolicyGenius for free to see if should could do better. Lo and behold, my wife was able to double her life insurance coverage for less money. All this time, she thought she was getting the best deal with her existing carrier.
If you don't have life insurance, please get life insurance before you need to. Life insurance gets more expensive the older you get. If you get sick, depending on the severity of your sickness, you might not be able to qualify.
If you do have life insurance, I highly recommend checking PolicyGenius to try and get a better deal. Chances are high you're not getting the best terms.