Never Call In Sick On Friday, Slacker!

There’s nothing more maddening for a manager than getting a last minute e-mail from a subordinate “calling” in sick on a Friday.  At least have the balls to call in and fake a pathetic sick voice!  Sending in an e-mail last minute to say you are sick after partying it up all night is like breaking up with someone over e-mail.

Last minute notifications have managers scrambling to find your backup.  Your jealous colleagues who have to pick up your slack will surely resent you as well.  The next problem is the law of probabilities.  Let me explain.

Why Calling In Sick Is Bad

* There are seven days a week, meaning there’s a 15% chance (1/7) you’ll get sick on any given day.  Furthermore, what is the percentage chance someone is so sick they can’t even come to work for a day?  I say at most 50%.  Take 15% X 50% and you get 7.5%. To suddenly be sick on a Friday right before your weekend is therefore an unlikely 7.5% probability!

* Whenever you call in sick on a Friday, your manager will always think in the back of her mind you’re likely playing hooky and flying to Las Vegas Thursday night for a romping weekend. Yes, your manager would like to believe in the 7.5% chance you really can’t get out of bed and work, but doubts will linger.  Because there is doubt, you start challenging your manager’s trust. Once you lose your manager’s trust, IT IS ALL OVER!

* Your manager was once a subordinate. Every single game you try to play, your manager has probably played to some degree.  Even better, your manager was once a student.  Who doesn’t remember playing fake sick during high school?  Don’t think for one second your manager is so naive!

If You Must Call In Sick And Play Hooky

Never take Friday off unless you are really dying in bed.  If you are, then you must get a doctor’s note. If you can’t get to the doctor, call your doctor and have him/her fax to your HR or manager a doctor’s note. 

Even if you’re just feeling bad, make an effort to come into work for half a day and then go home. This is your absolute BEST solution because it shows your dedication.

Losing your manager’s trust is a sure way to never getting promoted. If you must take Friday off, just tell your manager you’d like to take a personal day or a vacation at least two days in advance. 

Your manager will appreciate your honesty, and may more than likely grant you your request provided you’ve planned out your back up. Don’t ever let the manager think you are stealing from the company, because getting paid if you aren’t sick is exactly that, stealing.

Be Smarter About Calling In Sick From Work

It’s tough love, I know, but calling in sick multiple times a year is a sure sign you don’t care and will highly increase your chances of getting laid off.  If you’re resorting to calling in sick to stay away from work, then you better find another job because there are plenty of other people who will happily take your spot!

Look, we know it’s sometimes too tough to walk in the park and work 40 hours a week. With millions of people out of work, you don’t really care because your mentality is that work is just a contract and you already feel underpaid.

Life is tough, I know. But, you’re a smart slacker, which is why if you want an extra day to play hooky, and don’t want to get fired, you’re taking Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday off! 

Just be honest with your manager and use a vacation day. Your career will thank you for it.

No Time To Slack Off Anymore

If you’re able to work from home, then calling in sick is more suspect now. Just be careful about abusing your work flexibility.

A recession could be coming by 2023 thanks to rising rates, rising energy prices, and slowing corporate earnings. The people who get laid off first are the ones who are the worst performers. Then the manager looks through and sees who’s been constantly calling in sick and going on vacation.

The biggest concern with a recession is mass layoffs. With stocks correcting and many tech stocks firmly in bear market, cuts are coming. Now is the time to network more and work harder, not less.

It may be best to look for a new job before you get canned.

Negotiate A Severance Instead Of Quit Your Job

If you want to leave a job you no longer enjoy, I recommend negotiating a severance instead of quitting. With a severance package, you not only get a severance check, but potentially subsidized healthcare, deferred compensation, and worker training.

When you get laid off, you’re also eligible for up to roughly 27 weeks of unemployment benefits. Having a financial runway is huge during your transition period.

Conversely, if you quit your job you get nothing. Check out, How To Engineer Your Layoff: Make A Small Fortune By Saying Goodbye.

It’s the only book that teaches you how to negotiate a severance. In addition, it was recently updated and expanded thanks to tremendous reader feedback and successful case studies.

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