One of my biggest fears as a parent is raising kids who can’t launch into adulthood on their own. My hope is that by 26, three years after college to find their footing, they can support themselves without my money. If they can’t, I’m afraid I’ll feel like I failed them as a father.
So I was fascinated when a fellow writer, Allison Raskin, penned a fascinating and brave Substack article about her inferiority complex from still depending on her father for money at age 37. She feels guilty that her father pays for her childcare expenses and lets her, her husband, and her newborn live rent-free in a house he owns. Naturally, she questions whether she is a “real adult.”
As a personal finance writer since 2009 with an emphasis on achieving financial independence sooner rather than later (FIRE), my initial reaction was that it's hard to claim real adulthood in such a scenario. Still depending on your parents after 26, let alone at 37, seems quite long in the tooth.
By 37, I had already been retired for three years after working 60+ hours a week for 13 years, getting my MBA part-time, and saving most of my income. I simply did not have the privilege to rely on my parents financially because they were not wealthy as government employees. Therefore, I had to rely on myself.
What About The Husband?
I wasn't envious of Allison's situation. I was sad. Because there's something deeply satisfying about making it on your own. Even if you had to share a studio apartment for years and work 14-hour days partly for access to the free cafeteria, in retrospect, the sacrifice was worth it.
If you're still relying on your parents to cover your fundamental bills at 37, with a family of your own, how is that meaningfully different from being a child under 18? Maybe Allison can be considered an adult still on scholarship.
Then I wondered about her husband. I know it's become common for the woman to be the breadwinner. It's also quite common to see a man claim FIRE while his wife still works and provides. We call this WiFI, or Wife Financial Independence. But that doesn't seem to be the case here. Neither of them is carrying the load. So is he OK with another man providing for his wife and child?
Perhaps I'm too old school, but I'd feel uncomfortable having another man pay my family's bills, especially past 30. I would not want to feel constantly indebted to my father-in-law every time we sat down for Thanksgiving dinner. But maybe this is a cultural shift I've missed because I’ve been out of the workforce for so long.
It's Natural To Get Used To Privilege
Despite these thoughts, more power to Allison and her husband for having a parent who is willing and able to support their lives. Goodness knows it's expensive to buy a house in LA and raise a family.
Once I started thinking about Allison's situation as a father, my definition of a real adult softened. If I have the financial means to help my two children launch into adulthood, I will, so long as they remain good people. It's a terrible idea to die and leave an inheritance to your 50+-year-old children when your capital could help them most when they're first starting out.
Granted, still providing for your children 15 years after they graduate college seems excessive. And I'd probably have a stern sit down with my son-in-law, leather belt with a huge buckle resting on the side table, as I ask him why he isn't grinding harder to provide for his family. But all the same, I would help my children financially if they were struggling.
Here’s a podcast episode I did with a reader with young kids who bought a new construction home in expensive Los Angeles.
Setting A Precedent By Paying For An Expensive College
Allison went to the University of Southern California, one of the most expensive private universities in the country. Today, the all-in cost to attend USC is over $100,000 a year. If you go to such a school and your parents pay for everything, you're obviously well off. It's understandable to get used to wealth and privilege when plenty of your classmates are wealthy too.
Then she attended Pepperdine University, an equally expensive private college, for a Master's in Psychology. The privilege compounds.
I've thought about this situation for my own kids because it's going to be next to impossible for them to get into a top 25 university, let alone with free grants, given today's hyper competition and identity roulette. But now that USC is firmly ranked in the top 25, I would most likely pay full freight for either child to attend.
I know I'll feel terrible spending so much money on education when everything can be learned online for free. After all, I've been writing for free to help people build wealth since 2009. But I doubt I'll be able to deny my children's dreams just to save money when the time comes.
That's What 529 Plans Are For
Providing educational opportunities is the main reason why we superfunded two 529 plans when each of our children was born. Each plan has grown to over $450,000, with nine and twelve years still to go before college.
Perhaps there will be money left over after four years at an expensive school like USC to fund another one to three years at an expensive school like Pepperdine for a Master's degree.
I've already written off the values of both 529 plans from my net worth calculations. So if there is still leftover money, I'll use the funds for generational wealth transfer purposes for my future grandkids. I'd rather gift education than money. And I know if I live long enough to be blessed with grandkids I would do anything for them too.
It's Hard To Make Money In The Arts
As the author of three books so far, with a fourth on the way entitled Your Children Will Be OK, I understand how difficult it is to make a living as a writer. I write because I love to think and banter. But there is no way in hell I'd be able to support my family of four on a writer's income alone.
A top 1% book advance starts at about $250,000. Sounds great until you realize it gets paid out over two or three years, which means $83,333 to $125,000 a year before taxes and agent fees. We already established that it now costs over $400,000 for a family of four to live comfortably in San Francisco. And most books never sell enough copies to earn out their advance. Even when they do, the author only earns about $1 to $3 per book in royalties.
Allison is a NY Times bestselling author, podcaster, screenwriter, and freelance writer. Yet she and her husband still cannot afford their own childcare and a single-family home. Don't take my word for how hard it is to earn a livable wage as a creative. Allison is the proof.
Let's Not Crush Our Children's Creativity
But here's the funny and sad part. Plenty of children grow up loving to write, draw, sing, act, and dance. Due to the high cost of living, most are forced to study more practical fields to generate a livable income once they hit college.
Eventually, the creativity we all had as kids gets squashed by the necessity of money. Our souls slowly disappear as we work jobs we don't love, either due to society's expectations or the need to pay the bills.
FIRE solves this problem by giving your soul a chance to re-grow after leaving a job you despised. But you need to successfully forecast your misery years in advance in order to break free sooner.
Part of having wealth, as Allison's dad surely does, is so our children don't have to pursue soul-sucking work they aren't passionate about. If they want to attend the most expensive school like USC to major in one of the poorest-paying professions, screenwriting, then so be it. Because when our children are happy, we parents are happy.
My wife and I decided to record a podcast on the difficulties of being an adult. Listen here.
It's OK To Be A Financially Dependent Adult
Part of me still stands with the villagers holding pitchforks. Being 37 and dependent on your parents when you have a functioning brain and body has to eat away at your self-esteem. At the same time, Allison didn't choose to be born into a wealthy family with a father who wants to provide for her.
The thing is, the father in me can't fully condemn a situation I might one day happily fund myself. That would be hypocritical. I love my daughter so much that I'm afraid I'll spoil her, paying for the most expensive private university and then supporting her afterward when that degree delivers a lousy ROI.
So to the Allisons out there in their 30s and 40s still depending on their parents to survive, I say it's OK. You're still an adult, especially if you have children and keep them alive, safe, and loved. So long as your financial needs aren't putting your parents' retirement in jeopardy, you're good to go.
And to the partners and husbands of the Allisons of the world who can't make enough to provide for your family, that's OK too. In today's society, one of the biggest flexes a man can have is a working wife who supports the family.
An equally impressive luxury is having wealthy in-laws so neither of you has to work as hard. Embrace the privilege and pursue work that is meaningful to you. If you can't provide for your wife and children financially, you can always provide more of your time. You will not regret spending more time with your children or your parents, who still support you.
Being Financially Independent Should Still Be The Goal
Yes, we should still encourage our daughters to be financially independent from their husbands or partners, given breakups happen all the time. Being financially dependent on anyone as an adult is suboptimal. But if your parents are wealthy enough to buy you all of life's most expensive things, accept their generosity with grace.
You can reduce the guilt by not wasting the privilege. Every extra hour you commit to your craft, and every new person you entertain, help, or inspire, will make you and your parents proud. But if you know you should be doing more and aren't while being supported, that guilt will grow and fester.
I don't want my adult children, or my future son-in-law and daughter-in-law, to feel like losers if they can't fully provide for themselves despite trying their hardest. The world is more competitive than ever, and effort doesn't always translate into income.
If they're grinding away at their craft, raising their kids well, and contributing something to the world, the Bank of Mom and Dad will stay open.
No Lounging Around
But here's the catch. If I ever catch them playing tennis at the club at 10 am on a Tuesday, then brunching until 2 pm while virtue signaling about how hard things are, they're cut off. Privilege is rocket fuel, not a hammock.
So take the money if you must. Just don't take the money and produce nothing, because at that point you're not a dependent adult. You're an expensive child.
And if that stings a little, good. It's supposed to. Now go produce something.
Reader Questions And Suggestions
Readers, can you be considered a true adult if you're still financially dependent on your parents? At what age should parental support end, if ever? And if you're a parent, how much would you be willing to support your adult children?
To build more wealth, pick up a copy of my USA Today bestseller Millionaire Milestones: Simple Steps To Seven Figures. It will give you the courage to live a life more true to yourself. Also, keep an eye out for my upcoming book, Your Children Will Be OK: Helping Them Navigate An Uncertain Future, where I tackle exactly these questions as a full-time father of two.
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regarding parents helping out . . . if parents initiate (that’s us with more assets than we’ll ever need), then it’s up to them to receive. in case of my daughter (29) and son in law, we’ve offered to pay for daycare in their home . . . at least the difference between that 3 or 4 day price and what they were willing to spend toward traditional. same with if / when they decide to move back to IN from UT . . . they moved there post pandemic because they are both ‘outdoorsmen’ having been granted permanent work from home status by Salesforce and UKG respectively. We’ve said we would help them into the home of their dreams . . . covering the diff b/t their 450,000 ranch and the 800k home in IN that would be 3-4000 sq ft.
i think they were blessed to hear this but i wanted to be sure that my comments were not perceived as bribery. your thoughts?
Adults are 18 years old and pay their own way for everything including college and autos.
I was talking with Dad after helping at his business on a plumbing job in 1975. I was a Master Plumber at 21 and just completed AAS in Chemical technology engineering. I just was accepted to 3 colleges for BA or BS in Chemistry. I wondered if Dad could back stop me for the next full year to complete bachelors. Only for unexpected expense. Dad said you have paid all your expenses, college, car, insurance, food…. Dad continued I would NEVER STEAL YOUR MANHOOD giving you money. You are employed PT with a good Plumbing shop for one or two shifts a week when in college. I chose the local college program completed in 2 summer semesters, spring & fall. Next I was invited to Master Chemistry program awarded GTA position with free tuition and $100/ week to teach labs 9 hours a week. I continued to work plumbing shift each week and FT on vacations with Mr. Pearl’s plumbing shop. I also tutored HS students for $20/hr. Dad was right I had a history of taking care of myself since 17 and completing goals.
Rest of story our conversation was at a bar for lunch after job. The bill came for two sandwiches & soft drinks. Dad said your half is $2.50. We both laughed ! Then Dad said I am responsible for 3 children and you are a MAN.
My greatest gift was a Dad who taught me a trade and how to work from ages 10 to 17.
It is a shame. The father doesn’t spend more time taking care of his baby. Not only that, he gets his father-in-law to pay for childcare. Seems like a double disgrace to me.
You’re calling your own view on this “old school”, when historically your view is extremely modern. Charles Darwin never had to work in order to earn money. Apparently, according to your view, it would’ve been better if he’d stopped pursuing science and instead started a textile business or something in order pull himself up by his bootstraps. This would’ve been more productive and a better use of his time? Even amongst those of much more modest means, the idea of being entirely financially independent of one’s family as a moral good was essentially non-existent until the mid 20th century.
Read Voyage of the Beagle. Charles and Emma were Wedgewoods. Charles trained to be a pastor. Darwin’s hard work on voyage and his entire life resulted in modern Biology as a science.
I am older, 53, and up until my Mom died in 2020 she always wanted to pay for stuff for my wife and myself. She was not wealthy but was comfortable with her retirement accounts. If I refused her generosity I always got the line “Do you want it now or do you want it later after I have died.” At that point I would just give up and take whatever she offered. I did this reluctantly and as I got older I would pay for more and more for her. I don’t have kids but I feel like once you reach a certain age and status in life constantly getting money from your parents should be off the table. It is ok for something everynow and then, but a constant flow of money is not allowing your kids to grow and be financially responsible.
We have one daughter who is now 27. When she was 2 or 3 we started contributing $800/mo. to her 529. When she graduated from HS the balance was $320K and we ceased making further contributions. It had been invested in an S&P 500 fund and has remained there throughout, even when we were drawing it down to pay for college. Her undergraduate degree cost $250K and 2 years ago she started her MBA, while working full-time at a cost of $125K. She finishes that in September and there is still ~$110K in the account. I’m grateful for a steady market all of these years.
When she took her first job out of college, I convinced her to put 15% of her pay into the 401K. I told her if she did this, I would fund her annual IRA. It’s been 5 years now and our deal has stuck, with good results.
We wanted her to start debt free and it was nice that she had no student debt to worry about. We gave her a car as a graduation present and furnished her first apartment so she was starting her career in a pretty good spot. She lives on the East coast and we live on the West coast so I usually fund her trips home when she comes to visit.
Otherwise, she works really hard in a demanding career (Cardiac ICU Nurse at Duke). My feeling has always been to help her out here and there so she enjoys some of her inheritance now, rather than having to wait for it. She rarely asks for anything; this is just something I have wanted to do for her. I’m sure when the time comes to buy her first home, we will probably pitch in on the down payment.
I know some will view this as excessive but I still consider my daughter a good investment. She has a great work ethic and has never acted “entitled” so I feel the good has outweighed the bad.
“She rarely asks for anything; this is just something I have wanted to do for her.”
“She has a great work ethic and has never acted “entitled””
” she works really hard in a demanding career”
These are all excellent things. Well done. And this is something YOU want to do.
When I review the situation with Allison, the subject in the post, I keep thinking about the husband. I just cannot feel good having another man provide for my family if I’m in my late 30s.
How would you view the situation if your daughter got married to a guy who could not provide or at least contribute 50/50 and was depending on you for a house, car, childcare, etc?
Maybe I’m just too harsh on men… or sons or son-in-laws… I don’t know.
I would not feel good about that at all but I trust my daughter to hopefully find the right partner and not a freeloader. She is very independent and has high expectations of who and what she wants. She will desire an “equal” in her life and likely will not settle for less. She has seen this type of relationship with her parents, each with vibrant and independent careers, so I believe she views that as the example she wants for her life.
No guarantees of course, but we hope and pray for a like-minded and driven partner for her that will cherish and respect her for who she is and encourages her to become the best version of herself.
I pray for this for my daughter and son as well. My fear is that if I continue to help them when they are in their 30s and thinking about marriage, they will tell their partners that I help them with a lot of the big Financial stuff, and then the Partner will take it for granted and not work as hard to build their own Wealth. So I think it’s a tricky situation.
We all want what’s best for our children, but rationally speaking, if someone knew that their future wives parents were wealthy or paid for a lot, it would just be Natural to take things down a notch. We know our children more than we know our potential in law children.
I share your concerns and doubt we will be doing much when/if she is married and in her 30s. If we have grandkids, I could see making some contributions to their 529s but maybe not much more than that, unless it was something we felt was needed and we agreed with.
Funny story, she just got set up with friends on a first date recently. The guy seemed to make it a point of letting her know he would be a good provider, talking endlessly about the number of McDonald’s his parents owned. He did not get a second date. That made me feel pretty good about her priorities and what seems to matter most to her in a potential partner. Not to say being able to provide a nice lifestyle is a bad thing, it was just nice to see that she places higher value in other things that matter to her more.
Aw man, I’d be totally for the guy whose parents own a lot of McDonald’s! I say that man has his priorities straight (not that your daughter’s isn’t), where he needs to know part of his value in finding a life partner is his ability to provide.
That man knows intimately knows the struggle of adulting, and why so many adult male children seem to just drop out altogether.
Im with you on this Sam, I would live in a cardboard box, before letting another man pay my bills for me, let alone my wife and kids. Its just a pride thing and what traditionally a man is suppose to do.
Now, I’m not saying accepting an occasional gift or help from my father, which I have had while he was alive, (he said it was an early inheritance), and I accepted it as such with huge gratitude and appreciation. But, I have always been on the grind to support myself and my family.
Word. I would accept the occasional financial gift from my parents, and my father if offered, especially if they said it would mean a lot to them.
But I cannot constantly accept something from my father-in-law. My duty is to take care of his daughter and grandchildren now.
Welcome home!
In response to your writing about dependent adult children:
In this economy and political climate the younger generation are having it very tough. Sometimes I feel quite bad for the messed up world we have brought them into.
Our daughter is 33 and we financially supported her through her PhD. Currently, she is unable to find a job in her field which is in environmental science. She is working in the hospitality industry, working 50-60 hours a week and yet can’t pay her bills or afford a car.
So yes, we step up and help out. I think this is becoming the norm.
Btw- we are very proud of her!
Thanks!
Dear FS,
Regarding you Adulting is Hard segment, specifically the woman in her 30s still relying on her parents for financial support, I think you may be out of touch with how difficult it is for young people to get financially ahead these days. Housing costs are brutally expensive, health care costs are exorbitant (if your employer even offers it) and wages aren’t keeping ahead of inflation.
You can pick an arbitrary date to declare financial independence, but the wealth inequality in the country doesn’t care about your declarations.
Making a plan is great until a health issue punches you in the nose. Or a private equity firm buys your company and you end up losing your job.
Yes, everyone needs an emergency fund to cover these bad news moments, but you only get one shot at it before you’re below water (or whatever that phrase is) and without family to support you, you may never catch up.
My kids are not wasteful or extravagant in their lifestyle, but their lives will be much more of a financial struggle than mine, and mine wasn’t a walk in the park.
Anywho, felt motivated to share those thoughts.
Sincerely,
M
Thanks M. I may be out of touch with reality, or I might be very in-tune with reality based on my analysis and interaction with thousands of people based on my platform.
One reality is no more real than another’s.
However, if you think the reality is that most parents pay $100,000 a year to go to an expensive university like USC, then another $100,000 for grad school like Pepperdine, and then financially support their kids until they are 37, including the son-in-law, then actually, that could be a huge positive for society.
It would put less pressure on adult children to stand on their two feet, and give parents less guilt about enabling their children and taking away their satisfaction to make it on their own.
I would be less successful if my parents did not help with my education. It cost money, but I did the work to make good grades and graduate in a difficult major. If they didn’t help pay for it, I probably would have never gone.
Before my wife and I retired we helped my boys out financially quite a lot. Since retirement (last year). We have pulled back and they now understand “the struggle is real”. I truly believe that as a family we function as one and although like myself I did not have strong financial skills early in life, we hope at some point the light bulb does go on and they will become more self-sufficient…….Hopefully
Congrats on retirement! Can you provide some examples of what you helped your boys out with and how old they are?
Also, they say 100 Trillion of baby boomer wealth will be (And is) in the process of being transferred to younger generations. It will be impossible for that to not have an impact on how younger generations view money, gaining wealth, meaning of work, etc. It will be fun to see how that plays out.
True. Impossible not to give more to your adult children in this case.
Have you seen stats on how much is expected to be inherited by offspring, vs taken by medical bills or given to charity?
this is the issue with “why not help them now when they could better use it instead of waiting till I die for an inheritance that by then they are 50 and may not even need it?” When you get to practicality of that, if you are going to give money “when they have more need” isn’t that really simply supporting them? Why is giving them money for a downpayment on a house when they are 30, different than paying or helping with their rent for a year or two when they are 30 (or letting them live rent free in your house while they are getting themselves started)? We tend to categorize and value judge money uses in funny ways. Like its OK to save for their kids college but not help with a car payment (or buy them a car). Why are the two different? Like you said, at the end of the day it is about whether they are working toward something and not just lolly-gagging. To me, giving them 1M in their 20s as an early inheritance is more “dangerous” than helping them with daily expenses.
“Why is giving them money for a downpayment on a house when they are 30, different than paying or helping with their rent for a year or two when they are 30 (or letting them live rent free in your house while they are getting themselves started)?” It’s not really, save the the shear capital amount.
Given your kids a $440,000 down payment on a $2.2 million median price house is a lot more than living rent-free in your house or an empty rental that might cost $3,000 – $6,000 a month. Eventually, the capital amounts will converge.
The amount to give is so dependent on how mature the adult child is and how wealthy the parents are.
I think each profession has an intrinsic value and a monetary value our society rewards. Teachers, historians, writers are high on the first and low on the second. For kids from rich families, they can afford to take on such professions. As parents of such kids, it’s okay to support adult kids to make up for the mismatch between intrinsic value and what the job market rewards.
Excellent points. Although, the intrinsic value is subjective. I do think teachers are one of the most important professions in the word that is underpaid for sure.
So if we can financially help our children to be teachers, that’s an honorable thing to do. But again, that’s subjective.
this is an issue that has no wrong answer. but winning the wealthy family lottery is no different from winning the non-dysfunctional family, marital bliss, good health, good academics, good looks, good job, good discipline, being in the right place at the right time lotteries. could many of us here decline these pre-determined lotteries? I doubt it. and to be financially independent many of us need to be lucky in these other lotteries.
I think I will be like a 401k and match my kids investments. they have to earn it somewhat.
I feel for Allison since she lives in a VHCOL area and it is almost impossible for regular people to buy homes there.
What a great discussion. Our child is on her own, living in a different city and pays 100% of all her expenses. She is at the stage of house shopping and is finding the prices are too high for what she can afford, like most of the younger generation. Housing affordability is a big issue compared to 25 years ago.
Anyways, we have decided to help by paying for the down payment and doing an intra-family loan for the mortgage. The intra-family loan is great because: 1) She can deduct interest. 2) It is at a much lower rate than commercial loans. 3) Can make it interest only for as long as you want 4) Can be forgivable upon my death.
We decided that this is a good compromise in that we help and she still pays something for her home.
I have definitely started to change my mind on this a bit. I think parents who are well off should give their kids money when the kids can most use it. The money has so much more utility at 30 vs. 60. I don’t like the idea though of propping up a life they could never afford without me because I won’t always be here. I like the idea of one time gifts like paying for big family trips, paying for college for kids and grandkids, covering down deposit on the house. Not covering bills and rents.
This is a lot more philosophical than financial. It is really about whether the family unit is a tribe or individualistic, and how long that lasts, and what the details are. An extreme example would be the children of Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos. How should their parents raise them – to take over their business empires, with the advantages and privileges that entails? To be trust fund, do-nothing kids (this seems to be the overall negative consensus)? To start over from scratch and make it on their own with zero guidance, education, tools, support, or resources (this seems a bit extreme since their fathers are the most successful men in the world). Most parents want their kids to do better than them, but that’s hard for those with extreme success (it’s not likely all of Elon Musk’s kids will be the richest person i nthe world, in succession). Something to think about.
I do wonder if it’s a different attitude for men and women. The women I talk to are absolutely fine to get parental support from their parents and in-laws. About 65% of the men I talk to are not, as they say it emasculates them.
But if the parents are extremely wealthy, then being against parental help abates. It’s just that when you put your parents in jeopardy where that’s a problem.
You frame this as a financial issue but what is being displayed is how the upper (and upper-adjacent) social class treats wealth. I am willing to bet that the vast majority of your readers, while being financially astute and educated, are not members of the upper classes and this is why they gasp and twist their hanky while reading the post. Money in the upper classes is used as a ladder, tool, weapon to keep the kiddos dependent and in line. At a certain level it mostly loses its utility for anything else. i.e., the $1000 burger is not significantly better than the $100 burger.
It could be a financial issue. But it also could be about purpose, self-esteem, and the immense satisfaction of gutting through hard times and making it on one’s own.
We middle class and poors do indeed like to observe and gasp at how the upper class live given it is so different from our own. Observing other people’s lifestyles because they openly share is quite insightful and entertaining, as it might give us ideas for our own.
As an upper class person, how have you helped your children get ahead?
I think that can get overrated vis a vie money. People can work their butts off any not make a ton of money…ever. And getting through hard times isn’t just about money. I would gladly support my son or daughter financially for years if it helping them get through a bad relationship or an addiction. People can still feel good about themselves overcoming difficulties not directly related to money. Money is just a vehicle, not an end.
Definitely have seen this in my social circle. Not having come from a wealthy family, it was interesting to see how other families with kids afforded their living situations. Many were living in a home that used to be their parents or their parents provided for the down payment or even more. There was an expectation and influence (and resentment from daughters-in-law) the generous grandparents had.
Sam-urai,
Another great one. Having been raised in Rochester (ah the rust belt) and lived in NYC from age 26 to 35, the level of parental support there blew my mind. Adults on full-scholarship at every corner. I must say though, I was jealous when they were off to the Hamptons and I to the dive bar.
But like most I’ve been the recipient of gifts along the way. FIL paid the lion’s share for wedding, parents took on debt for 60% of college, I the rest. Does anyone really make it in this world alone?
If you baby your children and pay for everything for them including school, you’re likely setting them up to be best case, not as independent and successful. I have the means and I wouldn’t do it. And if you don’t have the means other than dipping into your own retirement funds, you’re over the top nuts as far as I’m concerned. But each to their own and live and let live.
I agree – the issue isn’t so much financial support but are you actually helping? Are these “adults” capable of caring for themselves independently? What about their children? Parents do not live forever and the money isn’t unlimited. This feels like private welfare to me that is not a bridge or a ladder but a lifelong entitlement that will ultimately be the family’s undoing.
Amazing article and super relevant. My wife and I have had several conversations about this recently as our friends kids come back into their homes or are asking for large checks to bail them out. All these kids parents are not wealthy, but have a hard time watching their kids struggle. Some are also having parents expenses at the same time, and also wanting to retire themselves. I asked friend asked when he was going to retire and he said life was a lot less stressful when he went to work. His wife is taking care of her mother with dementia, and his daughter (30 years old)is living with them after getting married and divorced in the same year. I was sad for him, but kinda understood his point. I wish I had advice, but really appreciate people’s thoughts on this issue.
What’s the point of making money if not to spend it on your loved ones? Enabling laziness of bad behavior shouldn’t be done but that obviously not what’s happening in this case.
I would rather turn tricks than ask my parents for money. I have siblings who take/expect money from my parents and they are a combination of irresponsible, undisciplined, and selfish. Those traits show up in their parenting too, and their children suffer for it. So no, you can’t be a respected adult if you are reliant on your parents for your daily living. And yes, other people see you in that light.
This is absolutely different from grand/parents who want to occasionally, no-strings-attached, gift money as part of their estate. Completely different motivation.