​

Financial Samurai

Slicing Through Money's Mysteries

  • About
  • Invest In Real Estate
  • Top Financial Products
    • Free Wealth Management
    • Negotiate A Severance
  • Buy This, Not That (Bestseller)

When Is It Time To Give Up And Admit Defeat?

Updated: 04/05/2021 by Financial Samurai 31 Comments

Tennis Battle Serve

Have you ever wondered when is it time to give up and admit defeat? You’ve tried so hard at something and things aren’t going as planned. Instead o f suffering more, perhaps it’s better to give up!

I played 6 sets of singles the other day. That’s right, 6 consecutive sets over the course of 4.5 hours. Not doubles. 

Singles where you’re running around like a maniac. With even the major tennis opens going at most 5 sets, what gives you ask?  Well, one of the most exhausting and ridiculous things happened, which I’d like to share with all of you.

About a month ago, the captain of a new tennis league team I joined came over to my club as my guest.  We warmed up for a bit and decided to play a match so he could get an idea of my skill level, despite both of us being rated the same.  

I beat him 6-0, 6-4, 6-1 in a best of 3 set match, with the third set played just for fun. After we shook hands, he immediately ran off excuses as to why he lost: Surgery on shoulder, weak knee, crooked toe, etc.  No problem, as I have some ailments too, like a torn meniscus (!), but keep them to myself.

He said he wanted to avenge his loss, and I said I would be glad to give him a rematch.  Allowing an opponent to redeem themselves is always the honorable thing to do. My mantra in sports and in much of everything else is to always be the underdog.  In sports, it’s particularly important that your opponent underestimates your abilities.  The element of surprise is very important, as such, you want to keep your skills guarded until the time is necessary to unleash.

When Is It Time To Give Up And Admit Defeat? Battle #1

Fast forward to now and the rematch is on.  During warm up, he kept talking about how he was going to beat me, to which I kept on saying with a smile, “I doubt it, but you can try.”  At the end of the warm-up, he kept on egging me on, so I said, “How about we bet a friendly $25 bucks then?”  $25 is enough to pay for the guest fee and get a couple brews afterward.

He responded, “Only $25 bucks?  Let’s put some real money and make it $50!?“

I asked him, “Are you sure?  Because that’s a lot of money, and I don’t want to have bad feelings between us if you lose.“

He scoffed and said, “Ha, no worries Sam!  I will not lose.  Bring it on!“

In about 1 hour and 10 minutes, I took him down 6-0, 6-3 in the first match.  You would think that he would just wave the white flag and fork over the $50 bucks right?  Wrong!  He said I got lucky, and that he wanted an immediate rematch immediately!

“Double or nothing?” he asked indignantly.

“You’re on!” I responded back, somewhat miffed.

When Is It Time To Give Up And Admit Defeat? Battle #2

The second match lasted about 1.5 hours and was closer than the first. During this match, he literally tripped on his feet twice due to exhaustion and tumbled onto the cement. I thought he was done for sure, since he was sweating bullets and gimpy. We had already played 2 hours and 30 minutes, which is already about 1 hour longer than we normally play.

Despite what I noticed was obvious injury and exhaustion during the match, we both kept battling like warriors.  After all, we had $100 on the line!  Alas, the results were the same and I took him down 6-3, 6-3.

Never Giving Up Due To Stubbornness!

While on the bench, he starts talking again! “Sam, I know I’m going to beat you.  You are so lucky, and I am so unlucky!  How many games was I up 40-15 and I ended up losing?“

Hmmm, maybe one? I thought to myself.  I was sitting on the bench, exhausted and drinking my orange Gatorade with pleasure.  I couldn’t wait to hit the showers and collect the $100.  I was fantasizing about sitting in the steam room and getting a massage afterward.  Phew, no injuries yet, just a lot of sore muscles.

During mid-fantasy, the captain blurts out,  “Let’s play again!  Double or nothing for $200!“

At this point, my quads feel a little like spaghetti.  The problem is, I knew I could beat him, and he wouldn’t stop talking.  Nor would he give me any respect for me beating him!  He kept making excuses how something was wrong with him today, not that I was playing well.

Related: Some Things Money Can’t Buy: A 5.0 Rating

OK, One More Battle Ihsan!

Despite feeling weak, I told him he was on, but asked him multiple times again whether he was sure he wanted to battle, and whether he was sure he was going to pay me if he loses!  He nodded, and said “Of course.”

It’s 4-all in the first set, as we both held serve.  This was the do or die point of the third match as I could already feel the cramping in my right calf begin to form.  Gathering all my energy and focus, I break his serve and hold my own to win 6-4.  Yes! I think to myself.

One hour thirty minutes later from the beginning of the match, I take him down 6-4, 6-0 for a total six set score of 6-0, 6-3, 6-3, 6-3, 6-4, 6-0.  The 4.5 hours was the longest amount of time I’ve played tennis since high school.  At the end, he finally gave me props and said that I have an excellent ability to adapt to different game styles.  A little back-handed, but I’ll take it as a compliment.

Waving The White Flag And Giving Up

We went to the ATM machine where he proceeded to give me ten, $20 bills.  Oh how nice they looked in my calloused hands.  I bought him some chicken teriyaki dinner and a drink and talked strategy for our upcoming match.  My captain was thinking about challenging me to a rematch for $200, but he pulled back.

Instead he offered, “How about the loser pays for guest fee, balls, and a smoothie next time!”  Now that’s more like it!

Related:

The Secret To Your Success: 10 Years Of Unwavering Commitment

Don’t Let Dunning-Krueger Destroy Your Life

Readers, have you ever approached something so stubbornly that despite being outmatched, you refused to quit and got yourself in deep doo doo?  What makes people so stubborn?  Is it pride?  Is it delusion?  Are you defiant like me?  I felt there was a real risk of injury if I accepted the 3rd match in a row.  But, given the stubborn and defiant person that I am, I thought the $200 was worth the risk.  

For more resources, check out my top financial products page to find the best products for your finances, my invest in real estate page to invest in my favorite asset class, and my free wealth management page to manage your money better. Financial Samurai has been online since 2009 and is one of the most trusted and largest independently-run personal finances today.

Photo: Tennis Battle, SD.

Tweet
Share
Pin
Flip
Share
Buy this not that instant bestseller Wall Street journal banner

Filed Under: Retirement

Author Bio: I started Financial Samurai in 2009 to help people achieve financial freedom sooner. Financial Samurai is now one of the largest independently run personal finance sites with about one million visitors a month.

I spent 13 years working at Goldman Sachs and Credit Suisse (RIP). In 1999, I earned my BA from William & Mary and in 2006, I received my MBA from UC Berkeley.

In 2012, I left banking after negotiating a severance package worth over five years of living expenses. Today, I enjoy being a stay-at-home dad to two young children, playing tennis, and writing.

Current Recommendations:

1) Check out Fundrise, my favorite real estate investing platform. I’ve personally invested $810,000 in private real estate to take advantage of lower valuations and higher rental yields in the Sunbelt. Roughly $160,000 of my annual passive income comes from real estate. And passive income is the key to being free. With mortgage rates down dramatically post the regional bank runs, real estate is now much more attractive.

2) If you have debt and/or children, life insurance is a must. PolicyGenius is the easiest way to find affordable life insurance in minutes. My wife was able to double her life insurance coverage for less with PolicyGenius. I also just got a new affordable 20-year term policy with them.

Financial Samurai has a partnership with Fundrise and PolicyGenius and is also a client of both. Financial Samurai earns a commission for each sign up at no cost to you. 

Subscribe To Private Newsletter

Comments

  1. Financial Samurai says

    April 1, 2012 at 9:42 pm

    Doh! Sorry to hear about your hip! Take care of yourself OK? I hear you loud and clear, and I wonder when my knees will start giving out. It’s just a matter of time!

    Glad you won though!

    Reply
  2. Karunesh @ chase-a-dream.com says

    April 1, 2012 at 11:30 am

    Hi Samurai,

    I have included this post at my site’s weekly roundup

    Reply
    • Financial Samurai says

      April 1, 2012 at 9:43 pm

      Thanks mate. Appreciate it.

      Reply
  3. Karunesh @ chase-a-dream.com says

    March 29, 2012 at 4:32 am

    I want to quit quitting. This is the motto of my life

    Reply
  4. Jai Catalano says

    March 29, 2012 at 3:20 am

    Rocky never quit. So much so that he made another movie when he was 107 years old. Never quit. :)

    Reply
    • Financial Samurai says

      March 29, 2012 at 6:57 am

      Hahaha, nice! Adriaaaan!

      Reply
  5. Joan says

    March 28, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    Hi Sam, it’s Joan from Man Vs. Debt just stopping by to say hi. I’m a tennis player too – so I LOVED that I happened onto this post! I really identify with this – I’ve been in over my head a few times in life, and the results have really varied. Sometimes, persevering has been incredibly worthwhile (aiming for my black belt in tae kwon do, despite some pretty major injuries and health challenges along the way), and sometimes, persevering has been stupid (refusing to give up a part-time job that wasn’t a good fit, because of the potential minimal benefit financially.)

    I’m with Jen above, by the way. I don’t gamble often, but I NEVER quit while I’m ahead. I just play until I’m back where I started. Thankfully I don’t bet more than I can afford to lose :)

    Reply
  6. Jen @ Master the Art of Saving says

    March 28, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    That sounds like it was an exhausting day, but at least you earned 200 bucks. Most times I’ll realize that I might need to back off and accept defeat with one exception. I rarely gamble anymore, but if my number doesn’t come up on Roulette, I would keep playing until it did. Usually I would at least get my money back, but I should walk away if it doesn’t happen sooner. :-)

    Reply
  7. Financial Samurai says

    March 28, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Good quote! I would finish, no matter what. Those are the sports that put yourself against yourself.

    Tennis is against yourself and an opponent who might not die either. One on one!

    Reply
  8. Dollar Disciple says

    March 28, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    Congrats on your victory! What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Until it kills you!
    But seriously, this guy sounds pretty cocky and that kind of person will rarely admit defeat. At least he gave you some credit, begrudgingly.

    Reply
    • Financial Samurai says

      March 28, 2012 at 12:30 pm

      Thanks! He’s a nice guy. Just very delusional. Like the C student who thinks he deserves an S lifestyle like all his A friends! :)

      Reply
  9. Financial Samurai says

    March 28, 2012 at 8:09 am

    Stubbornness, pride, and more pride. It’s the same thing with me, risking a knee injury or major cramping just to try and win. $200 is nice, but it’s not nice if I got injured!

    At least now I know I can go the distance. 6 sets gives me more confidence that even if I go 3 sets, it’s not a problem at all. Battle tested!

    Reply
  10. Rachel says

    March 28, 2012 at 7:44 am

    I can feel his pain, especially if he thought it was errors on his side causing him to lose. I usually beat myself instead of my opponent beating me, and that is the most frustrating thing ever. Now based on the set scores, I’d say it was more than him beating himself. I’d rather my opponent beat me than me beating myself. It’s so much more satisfying when you feel like you did your best even if you lost. I played to 8 last night because we only had the court for an hour and lost 8-7. We were on serve coming into the last game and played to deuce. The last rally was amazing. I’d love a rematch, but that’s because the game was so satisfying.

    Reply
  11. Financial Samurai says

    March 28, 2012 at 7:26 am

    Yes, it is VERY similar to the stubbornness of riding an investment all the way down. I’ve been there before, and don’t ever want to go there again, hence my stop limits!

    Reply
  12. Financial Samurai says

    March 28, 2012 at 7:25 am

    Ah, he was nice in the end… well, when I was buying him dinner that is :) During battle, it’s hard not to get all amped up.

    Reply
  13. Financial Samurai says

    March 28, 2012 at 6:54 am

    You reading a lot of Buddhism books lately?

    If you played tennis, or a sport that it’s one against one, you will have a better understanding of what I discuss. For the moment the match starts, it is all out WAR, and it doesn’t matter if we are best friends. This is the spirit of competition.

    I never go into a match against someone rated my same level and think I will lose. I always believe I will crush them. In tennis at least, 50% of it is mental. The other 50%, it is assumed that one is in tip top physical shape eg 6 feet, 160-165lbs. One needs to be mentally bold to win, bc that is the X Factor.

    Reply
  14. 101 Centavos says

    March 28, 2012 at 2:46 am

    Two hundred bucks, sweet! Your opponent wasn’t a total pushover, going down in some sets 6-4. In his mind, it may have been just a matter of small errors and a couple inches on the baseline. This stubborn streak probably serves him well in whatever line of business he’s in.

    Reply
    • Financial Samurai says

      March 28, 2012 at 7:29 am

      The 6-4, 5th set was a nerve wracker. If I had lost…. I donno if my body would have held up b/c of cramping. I’m glad I started strong 6-0, and ended strong 6-0.

      Losing a set 4-6 definitely brings belief in the ability to win. But not losing 0-6. That’s a different game.. that is a mind game 100%.

      Reply
  15. traineeinvestor says

    March 27, 2012 at 11:32 pm

    The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

    It’s a fine line between insanity and tenacity.

    Reply
    • Financial Samurai says

      March 28, 2012 at 7:28 am

      He was tenacious, I’ll give him that! He later told me that his rent is only about $1,250 a month, so I now kind of feel bad winning $200. I’ll buy him a beer next time too.

      Reply
  16. Tie the Money Knot says

    March 27, 2012 at 9:40 pm

    There’s that country song by Kenny Rogers I believe, talking about how we must “know when to fold em, know when to walk away, know when to run”. Wise words, actually.

    Competitiveness is a great success trait. That being said, I think it’s important to have control over one’s emotions and be able to assess a situation clearly. We can’t win everything. There are some situations where we will lose and lose badly no matter how much we desperately want to win and think we’re better than the next person. Sometimes, even then, the other person is simply better than us and always will be. Period.

    Again, know when to fold em, know when to walk away….

    Reply
    • Financial Samurai says

      March 28, 2012 at 7:27 am

      Poker… oh yes….. the stubbornness to take someone down, even if they hold the nuts…. Everybody should play some 1-2/NL poker and tennis before getting hired….

      Reply
  17. 20's Finances says

    March 27, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Wow – my longest match was close to a 3 hour, 3 set match in high school. I’m definitely not in as good of shape as I once was an I think anything over 2 hours would do me in now. It’s a good thing I haven’t challenged you to a tennis match yet – sounds like you got skills. ;)

    Reply
    • Financial Samurai says

      March 27, 2012 at 4:28 pm

      It will be a fun Challenge Corey! You have a decade plus on me, but I’m ready to battle! haha

      Reply
  18. Wojo says

    March 27, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    After 6 sets, I’m surprised you could even walk to get dinner! Great on your part to still show good sportsmanship after such a display of sore losing, big ego, and something bordering on delusion. Leadership (i.e. his “captain” title) should be as much about humility as it is about pure skill. It sounds to me like he was trying too hard to protect the title and not enough to let you shine.

    Losing is a tough pill to swallow, no doubt, especially when you lay so much ego on the line. I don’t let my money goals define who I am, and as hard as I try to reach them, sometimes it’s just time to let go and move on to something else.

    Reply
    • Financial Samurai says

      March 27, 2012 at 4:28 pm

      Well, thankfully the first set and the last set were bagels! He’s a good guy, but he talks a HUGE game. It’s very entertaining actually.

      The good thing is, now we know we can play 4.5 hours straight! Therefore, the normal 1 hour 45 minute matches come official match time is nothing to us now! Bring on the battles, baby!

      Reply
  19. Tennis Fan says

    March 27, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    Nice job taking his money! I would have given up after losing 6-0, 6-3 after the first rematch, as that is an ass kicking. However, I see how he would stubbornly want to try again. Nice of you to allow for such a thing.

    Get some rest!

    Reply
  20. Untemplater says

    March 27, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Wow that guy sounds like a maniac with a strong stubborn streak. That’s awesome you beat him all three matches! I admire both of you for being able to play that long as that is not easy! Since you guys have strong endurance your team should be in great shape for the season! I like how you bought him dinner at the end. Great sportsmanship Sam!

    Reply
    • Financial Samurai says

      March 27, 2012 at 4:29 pm

      Very stubborn.. and in the end, he STILL said he can and will beat me. I’m sure he will eventually, but he does not quit, so that’s good. I will stay out there until the DEATH if I have too!

      Reply
  21. krantcents says

    March 27, 2012 at 11:47 am

    One of my weaknesses is never quitting. There are many times, I should give up and apply my efforts elsewhere, but I don’t. I am getting better though, I went from never to something shorter. Despite this weakness, I think I would have assess the situation better than the captain. He was blinded by his own ego.

    Reply
    • Financial Samurai says

      March 27, 2012 at 4:31 pm

      I have the same weakness… never, ever quitting until the very end. It’s the attitude that was instilled in us in football, basketball, baseball, and tennis growing up. Fight til the end… which sometimes, is bad when the party is over, and we don’t realize it.

      If I was playing a better player, I would probably challenge him to a rematch, but just ask for a handicap. B/c if I lost 0-6, 3-6, it is clear to me my opponent is much better.

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


n

n

Top Product Reviews

  • Fundrise review (real estate investing)
  • Policygenius review (life insurance)
  • CIT Bank review (high interest savings and CDs)
  • NewRetirement review (retirement planning)
  • Empower review (free financial tools and wealth manager, previously Personal Capital)
  • How To Engineer Your Layoff (severance negotiation book)

Financial Samurai Featured In

Buy this not that Wall Street journal bestseller

Categories

  • Automobiles
  • Big Government
  • Budgeting & Savings
  • Career & Employment
  • Credit Cards
  • Credit Score
  • Debt
  • Education
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Family Finances
  • Gig Economy
  • Health & Fitness
  • Insurance
  • Investments
  • Mortgages
  • Most Popular
  • Motivation
  • Podcast
  • Product Reviews
  • Real Estate
  • Relationships
  • Retirement
  • San Francisco
  • Taxes
  • Travel
Buy this not that WSJ bestseller 728
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • RSS
  • Twitter
Copyright © 2009–2023 Financial Samurai · Read our disclosures

PRIVACY: We will never disclose or sell your email address or any of your data from this site. We do highly welcome posts and community interaction, and registering is simply part of the posting system.
DISCLAIMER: Financial Samurai exists to thought provoke and learn from the community. Your decisions are yours alone and we are in no way responsible for your actions. Stay on the righteous path and think long and hard before making any financial transaction! Disclosures