How To Get Your Super Motivated Boyfriend to Marry You

Kaneshiro Takeshi“Why won’t he marry me?” pops up a lot nowadays.  Seemingly beautiful, smart women can’t find the love of their lives, and when they do, they can’t lock them down.

Women have it tougher today. It amazes me how some can juggle career and motherhood so well. Those who do deserve a gold star because there are only so many hours in a day.

What’s less talked about is the pressure society puts on men to succeed. Women need to know that men have it rough too. Society expects us to provide, and provide some more!  Ever since I was a kid, my parents stressed the importance of education, so that I can make enough money to support a family and support them. The pressure was latent, but immense making each poor grade or non-promotion that much more stressful.  When you’re a teenage boy, frankly all you want to do is chase girls and not plan out the next two decades of your life!

The Super Motivated Boyfriend (SMB) is a curious being. He is a potential gem to any women out there with enough polishing.  Polish him too much and he loses his edge and rolls away. It’s important to understand his ambitions, for once you do, wedding bells won’t be far away!

FIVE TIPS FOR GETTING YOUR BOYFRIEND TO PROPOSE ALREADY

1) SMB’s Are Insecure.

SMB’s are terrified of failure given the massive amount of expectations placed upon them since they were kids. The more education they receive (i.e. grad school), the more time and money spent, and the more is expected of them to become great successes. Some SMB’s are late bloomers, which is even worse because they are playing catch up with peers who’ve already checked all the boxes growing up. Beware of the late bloomer SMB!

Action: Be selfless in your support, no matter how silly his goals are. SMB’s need constant reinforcement that they are doing the right thing, even though you think they’re not.

2) SMB’s Set Target Ages For Achievement.

A classic target age is 30. Where many women shoot to marry by 30, the SMB generally has some type of monetary, or career goal they must achieve by then. SMB’s are often told that by the time they’re 30, they’ll have either made it, or failed completely. Talk about pressure!

What’s important to realize is that the closer your SMB is to 30 without much to show for, the less he’ll  likely want to marry you.  The other typical age targets are 35, 40, and 45. It’s important to find out what his age anchors are.

Action: Assess whether you think he’ll reach his dreams by 30, or whatever his age anchor may be. If you don’t think he is going to become a Vice President in his firm by then, you should either dump him while you’re still young, or reset your marriage expectations by the corresponding years you think it’ll take for him to reach his goals. The choice is yours.

3) SMB’s Have Big Ego’s, Stroke Wisely.

Despite being insecure, SMB’s often come across as overly confident. Because they’ve been working towards their one goal for so long and with so much effort, any person who doesn’t share their passion will be scoffed at. It may be the simple smirk during a conversation, or the brush off during an initial meeting once they find out what the other guys does. SMB’s believe they are the best thing since sliced bread and have superiority complexes.

Action: Realize that a lot of his ego is born out of his insecurities. Give your boyfriend constant reinforcement, while complimenting him on his successes. There will always be some other colleague of his who gets paid more, or gets promoted before him, so make him feel like he’s doing a great job.

4) SMB’s Like To Play The Field.

The deadliest SMB is the good looking SMB. He’s confident, motivated, and makes women other than yourself swoon. Meeting a career-oriented, highly motivated man is attractive enough. Add on good looks and it’s game over! The hot SMB is hardest to lock down.  Because they are insecure and know they are handsome, they need even more reinforcement than you can give him.  He also needs the attention of other fine ladies who will oooh and ahh at his stature and success.

Action: Let him loose, or else he will resent you. All men have the insatiable desire to flirt with women. You may think you are only innocently inquiring about his whereabouts through your constant texting, but in his eyes every single inquiry is a nag. The more you inquire, the more you nag, and the more he’s reminded of being in youth prison where his mom doesn’t allow him to go out and play!

5) SMB’s Love Confident Women.

Nothing turns off SMB’s more than a woman who doesn’t know what she wants. If you’re the type of girl who always replies “you choose” when it comes to watching a movie, you have very little chance of becoming Mrs. SMB. Part of the attractiveness of a confident woman is the counterbalance of an SMB’s own insecurities. SMB’s think subconsciously that if a strong, confident, sexy women wants to be with them, they must be doing something right with their lives.

Action: Have a core group of girlfriends you can always hang out with. He needs to know you can have fun without him. Tell him about your plans with other girls and never invite him. The more you spend time with your girlfriends, the more the SMB wants to spend time with you. Don’t believe me?  Next time you’re with your boyfriend, tell him that you are spending time with your girlfriends one Thursday and don’t ask him what he’s doing. He’ll come groveling to spend all the time he can with you when you return. There’s nothing more attractive to an SMB than a women who can show her feminine side and kick butt in the board room.

DON’T LET HIM GET AWAY

You may be the most loving girlfriend in the world, but if you don’t understand the pressures and milestone targets every SMB faces, you’re going to have an awfully difficult time locking him down. Having a SMB is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, your SMB is so focused on making a name for himself that he loses sight of you. On the other hand, if your SMB finally achieves his goals with your support, he will not only emerge as a secure person, he will be forever grateful and want to take care of you forever!

Readers, do you think the institution of marriage is less or more important than it was in the past?  If less important, why does it seem like women want to get married more than men?

Why does society pressure men not to share their feelings?

If there was a timing problem between when you two wanted to get married, how did you guys handle the situation?

 

Please share this post to single ladies out there who are frustrated with noncommittal men!

Regards,

Sam @ Financial Samurai – “Slicing Through Money’s Mysteries”

Sam started Financial Samurai in 2009 during the depths of the financial crisis as a way to make sense of chaos. After 13 years working on Wall Street, Sam decided to retire in 2012 to utilize everything he learned in business school to focus on online entrepreneurship.

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Comments

  1. Geek says

    These men sound pathetic! Insecure, superiority complexes, needy, and still wanting to play like teenagers. Yuck. Who wants to date ..let alone marry.. a little boy like this!

  2. thriftygal says

    I think the institution of marriage is less important today than it was in the past. In the past it was more or less an economic pact if you take away the emotions involved: she takes care of his house, needs and progeny and he provides for her. Now that women are more independent and can provide for themselves and their children while taking care of a house, there’s less reliance on a man.

    And to clarify, society puts a lot of pressure on women to succeed as well. At least, my parents did. I don’t think any rational parent would encourage their daughter to slack off or be a gold digger and latch on to a high-income earning SMB.

  3. Linda says

    @Geek Believe it or not, there are women out there who like successful, motivated men. Someone women even want successful, motivated, and good looking men.

    @FS – Thanks for pointing out the pressures men face today. Men are told to suppress their feelings, shut up, and feel no pain. We’re told to just go, go, go and do everything. If women only knew what men have to go through. Maybe now they have some idea after reading this post.

  4. Geek says

    @Linda
    Successful, motivated, and good looking is not equivalent to insecure, superiority complex, player. I simply think women may prefer their successful, motivated, good looking men without little-boy problems as described above.

    @thriftygal
    +1

  5. Linda says

    @Geek It’s good you’re secure and don’t have any complexes. I think the point of the post is to highlight the plight of many men… an unraveling of the orange peel if you will. There’s a reason why men are insecure. You fail to see the real underlying meaning of the post, that it’s tough being a man.

    Tell us, are you married? How are you so secure with no complexes?

  6. RainyDaySaver says

    I now know why this post got rejected! ;)

    SMBs never did anything for me. I wanted someone who could make a good living, sure, but not someone THIS into himself who needs this much coddling. A relationship/marriage is a partnership — a woman can stand by her man, sure, but hand-holding is a bit much, no matter how successful he is. I’d rather have a 50/50, supportive partnership (and I do!).

  7. Tracy says

    Women are under pressure to succeed in career, mothering, marriage and everything else. And our culture sends the message to little girls that if you don’t marry, you are a loser. It’s a holdover from past generations that is slowly changing.

  8. admin says

    @Mike
    Uh oh, what were her criticisms?

    @Geek
    Yes, SMB’s may “sound” pathetic, but in reality, they are just human beings trying to make it in this competitve environment we live in.

    @kenyantykoon
    I just coined the term “SMB”, so there was no way of knowing before :) If it’s used in Cosmo, Vogue, US Weekly, or Vanity Fair… you know where it first started!

    @Linda
    Thanks for your thoughts. Yes, I’m just trying to highlght what many guys go through, who are too afraid to speak up for themselves.

    @RainyDaySaver
    Yes, now you know. The site is very concerned about losing readers, and therefore business. It’s all about money. Good thing, it’s not all about money here. It’s just about sharing thoughts.

    Keeping this post on reserve for 4 months has given me tremendous motivation to keep writing until Valentine’s week and reveal.

    50/50 partnership is what it’s all about!

    @Tracy
    Completely agree, hence my second paragraph of the post. The point I’m trying to make is that because it’s frowned upon by men to display their feelings, there isn’t much published with regards to men and their pressures.

    As soon as there is something, men get attacked and vilified. It’s OK to write “Get Financially Naked With Your Honey” directed to women, but it’s not OK to write anything for me. I want to change that.

    Men have feelings too and also want to find the love of their lives.
    .-= admin´s last blog ..Someone Always Farts In A Crowd =-.

  9. Geek says

    @Linda
    I’m in year 7 of a monogamous relationship. Our taxes would go up significantly if we got married, so we’re waiting until there’s a really good reason (desire for kids, need for joint ownership that is difficult to provide otherwise, terminal illness, one of us starts a business so our taxes would go down instead of up, etc) to become legally each others’ closest relation.

    @admin
    Still hard to see the appeal of people who can’t deal with the competitive environment on their own. Everyone has their insecurities, but this post is too extreme. I too like a little comfort and support now and then, and have my moments, but I hope I would be able to deal with it on my own. Unsupportive partners who are in fact obstructive are all too common. I see friends getting out of bad relationships all the time, where their sig. other expected all their support and gave none back.

    I suppose this is just another example of how sexism hurts men too.

  10. Linda says

    @Geek Great to year you are in a 7 year moogamous relationship, as opposed to something else. :p

    Glad you aren’t itching to get married. So many women I know are after a 7 year relationship, especially the closer they are to 30.

  11. Jane says

    Fun post and intriguing! FS, I think you hit the nail on the head wrt to guys liking strong, independent women and guys who are not ready to marry until they achieve certain milestones by a certain age.

    Women may get upset reading this article, but sometimes the truth hurts. If we women are 25 and waiting for Mr Right to check at least 8 out of 10 criteria, we may go well into our 30′s and beyond before ever finding a man.

    A couple girlriends of mine are now in their mid 30′s. They were quite attractive, but you can tell they are aging now. They are super picky and only demand “the best.”. Ironically, the older they get, the lower their chances of finding McDreamy.

  12. Cynthia says

    You make some good points, but the truth hurts. Life is short, and it’s tough to figure it all out and be successful at everything.

    I’m happy to work 10 years after college, and be a mom. Nothing makes me happier than being a stay at home mom, and work on some small side business on line. Of course, I need my husband to work and bring home the income. We’re a team.

    Society frowns upon men sharing their feelings because it’s a deep seated cultural norm. Women are more sensitive than men exactly because society coddles women. When we get coddled too much, we become overly sensitive and demanding when things go our way. Guys don’t get coddled, and therefore grown up more “insensitive”… even though as you say, deep down, there’s something in them that wants a voice.

    Well done.

  13. WellHeeledBlog says

    Very interesting post. But I don’t know… I’m kind of with Geek on this. The SMBs in this post doesn’t really sound like people I want to build a life with. I mean – the constant ego-stroking, the “let loose / play the field”, the insecurities. All this says “emotional hand-holding” to me, which is not appealing. Like you said in the comments, marriage should be a partnership.

    I hope I treat my partner the way I want to be treated – with love, respect, and good intentions. My job isn’t to “get” someone to marry me, and it’s not to ‘stroke someone’s ego’ and ‘let him play the field’ so that he wants to marry me – it’s to discover with my partner if marriage is what we both want, how do we build a foundation that will provide for a loving and successful lifelong partnership.

    Bottom line, if a lady needs to be pushing and cajoling and emotionally hand-holding her man to keep the relationship, then what’s the point?

  14. WellHeeledBlog says

    And another thing.. we should recognize society’s influences on people, especially on gender roles. But at some point, you have to be able to start making your own changes. So societal and cultural norms tends to groom women to be less assertive, which hurts us when it comes time for salary negotiations. It’s helpful to understand the cultural background of why many women find it difficult to ask for raises or bonuses. BUT – after I understand the cultural background, *I* have to ask and *I* have to learn to negotiate. A company won’t say, oh, well, women tends to ask for less so let’s recognize that and offer them a higher salary. That’s not how it works.

    Along the same vein, society’s influence on men and their self-esteem as it relates to monetary or professional accomplishments is undeniable. And on the whole, women are encouraged to express their feelings much more than men are. But at the end of the day, men has to take the step to understand the background, and then work to make it better. If they want to be better understood and have better communication in their relationships, they have to make the effort. Maybe they’ll read a book on more effective personal communication. Maybe they go to counseling. Maybe they start by talking to friends or their partners.

    Sorry to write a novel! :p Don’t mean to hijack your post.

  15. youngandthrifty says

    I love this post! Especially the picture (drool!). I can’t believe it was rejected. It’s like a post straight out from Cosmo magazine! =)

    I think that with SMB’s or UMB (unmotivated boyfriends lol!) or any boyfriend, us girlfriends need to step back and be our own individuals (grrrrl power!). The cliche that you have to “love yourself before you love others” is very true. I agree that 50/50 partnership is really where it’s at.

    Besides, I’m actually quite turned off by SMB’s. I think it’s the whole ego thing. I don’t like guys with ego who need their ego stroked (yuck!).

  16. youngandthrifty says

    P.S. IMHO to get the SMB to ask you to marry him, I think if you set boundaries (read: boundaries, not threats!) then it’ll happen.
    Don’t just “wait and hope” that he will ask you. Tell him: “HEY! My eggs are gonna expire soon. I want to get married before I am 30. Propose to me before I am 30 or else I am out”.

  17. admin says

    @Jane
    Hmmm, it’s sad how time robs us of our beauty, but it’s commendable your friends are holding out for that perfect someone. No need to settle. Maybe they’ll be a lone in the end, but at least they didn’t settle, and have friends and family to support them. Does this sound sad?

    @Cynthia
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I would love to be a stay at home dad, and take care of the house and make money online. I think it would be a lot of fun! Good luck in all you do.
    .-= admin´s last blog ..The Most Important Tip For Job Hoppers: Join People, Not Firms =-.

  18. admin says

    @WellHeeledBlog
    Hi WH, thanks for your thoughts and insights. I enjoy “novel length” comments from readers! Maybe I’ve made the SMB out to be a prick, I donno. It’s just what I know, and I’m revealing it to the world. I don’t think I’m a prick (maybe sometimes), and I sure would love some emotional support and understanding from my girlfriend. No need to cajole me into doing anything. Just be supportive and understand my own goals, as I will hers.

    It’s the women who push and push and pressure the guy to get married, who ironically don’t get married. I’m just trying to highlight the reasons WHY a guy might not want to get married yet at age 29,30,31,32-40 whatever. There’s just a lot of pressure on guys that nobody really talks about. Since there’s so much pressure, marriage just adds to the pressure, which may be too much to take for some SMB’s.

    Would you rather marry a guy too early who then goes nuts in the marriage afterwards, or let the guy have his freedom and achieve some set goals and then marry him? I’d take the latter.

    In your second comment, you revert back to focusing on the woman again. Yes, this post is meant to help single women who are frustrated with their noncommital boyfriends….. but really, the soul of the post is about the man and his issue.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

    Sam
    .-= admin´s last blog ..Do “C” Students Deserve “A” Lifestyles? =-.

  19. admin says

    @youngandthrifty
    Glad you enjoyed the post! I actually wrote it pretending like I was auditioning for Cosmo Magazine. Maybe I should have actually really submitted it.

    UMB, that’s awesome! Hmmm, maybe i will write a contra post entitled “What To Do With An Unmotivated Boyfriend?” lol. Sweet!

    I definitely feel like I’ve made the SMB out to be a slimy bad guy. He isn’t. He’s misunderstood!

    Boundaries are a good idea. Women who set them saying “Marry me by 30 or else I’m outta here” just need to really be ready to leave cuz a lot of guys aren’t down with ultimatums, which is what it really is. You know how your parents say don’t do it, makes you want to do it more right?

    Thanks for your thoughts. I feel more and more like I understand women now.

  20. Jun Loayza says

    This post spoke to me.

    I’ll have to forward it to my girlfriend and see what she thinks. Hopefully she doesn’t kick my ass or something.

    My fav is #5. Confident women rock my socks

  21. admin says

    @Jun Loayza
    Hey buddy, thanks for reading. I’d definitely like to hear her feedback. Frankly, I think any guy who went to college (or not) and wants to to really succeed, and not just settle for OK has some SMB in them.

    Hit me up next time you are in SF. My month quota for going out was kinda reached last weekend though. Ha.

  22. Charlie says

    ha nice, great article. Yes relationships can be quite a touch subject for some! My advice is to be honest, work on communication and to always listen and consider the other person’s point of view even if you’re convinced they’re wrong and you’re right. :) No one is right 100% of the time.

  23. Charlie says

    ha nice, great article. Yes relationships can be quite a touchy subject for some! My advice is to be honest, work on communication and to always listen and consider the other person’s point of view even if you’re convinced they’re wrong and you’re right. :) No one is right 100% of the time.

  24. Brenton Gieser says

    If I passed this to my girls she would give me a “psshhh…5 tips…u need this article written for you”. So without emasculating myself any more than I already have I’ll just say great post and I’m ready for the next one!!

  25. Ryan @ Planting Dollars says

    Well… that struck a chord. Except as an SMB (super motivated bachelor) I just avoid the whole relationship bit altogether. SMB absolutely killed a previous relationship so I’ve learned its almost pointless to be in one.

    My SMB ad: Recent insecure college grad shooting for professional shark photographer / successful internet entrepreneur by age 30 seeks woman who’s confident and allows me to play the field. Think she exists? ;)

  26. Money Funk says

    Men like this I like….am drawn towards…. I’d wear Kaneshiro Takeshi’s Armani shirt anytime. But they are only for play. Too much trouble to hold a relationship with.

    Plus, you don’t marry for too good of looks because that is just trouble, especially if he has an ego that needs to be soothed by flirtatious words.

  27. Monevator says

    Money Funk sums it up to be honest, though I’m not 100% sure in quite the way she means.

    There’s very little incentive for high value men like this to settle down with one woman, because women themselves don’t really rate the traits of settling down style men anymore – certainly no until they’re well into their 30s. They lust over bad boys and outsiders. (Well, they always did if you look at Austen etc, but marriage and society held back their desires).

    Women, honestly, how often do you sit around with your friends saying “Jill’s husband Bob is great. Kind, quiet, uncomfortable talking to flirty women, loves to spend time at home with me and the kids” and then all your friends go “Phwoar!”

    Exactly, never.

    Money Funk may say men like this are for ‘fun’ but given men are more naturally inclined towards the fun side of the equation, it’s no big hardship for these guys to stay roaming about in fun mode — they’re practically being taught to by women and their behaviour.

    (And I speak as someone who is closer to a SMB than the opposite. But I wasn’t always. I see no reason to settle down at all except occasional pangs of love. You might say that’s enough, but is it? Really? It never was for 2000 years).

    I always get taken to task for saying stuff like this, but give me a shout when the divorce rate is back down at 20% or similar and I’ll listen.

    We’ve made these values, as a society. I’m not saying everyone reading this follows these sorts of values. But as a block the culture does, and the culture reflects people.

    Basically, don’t bother making him settle down. One day you won’t find him attractive anymore when he settles – by definition – and he’ll get bored anyway.

    If you want a husband, find someone with material husband who happens to be single, not an alpha male you think you can convert or tame.

  28. admin says

    @Monevator
    WOW! Monevator, tell us how your really feel! I’m impressed with how you laid it all out there. Well done. You get today’s “Feelings Gold Star” for not beating around the bush and telling it the way it is.

    Interesting take with good looking SMB guys being “taught by women” to behave the way they do. You have an interesting take bringing up the divorce rate, and people giving you a shout when it goes back down to 20%.

    I’m thinking about starting “Mad Money Men Magazine” here if you would like to to be a co-founder or contributing editor/writer. I really feel your passion. There must be some story behind it that’s wanting to get out!

    Best, Sam

  29. admin says

    @Brenton Gieser
    Brenton, I would seriously be curious to hear what she has to say after reading the article. Just say “no’ to emasculation! lol. Also, if you know she’s the one, ya better lock it down within 5 years! If not, have her come back to this article then.

    @Ryan @ Planting Dollars
    Super Motivated Bacherlor… brilliant new take! Fantastic SMB ad. I’m sure there are plenty of women in Hawaii who will respond and be all over you!

    @Money Funk
    Glad you’re honest C! Isn’t flirtation a key ongoing aspect of a healthy relationship though? Yes, it would be worrying to have a really good looking man. But, I would argue it would be worrying to have a really wealthy man with a lot of power. Power corrupts, absolutely!

    @Charlie
    Aren’t we always right? Slap slap slap. lol.
    .-= admin´s last blog ..Do “C” Students Deserve “A” Lifestyles? =-.

  30. Kevin@OutOfYourRut says

    Sam, this post took guts, I can’t believe someone else wouldn’t publish it. It may offend women, but it’s probably more offensive to men because it reveals a side of some men that while entirely true, isn’t entirely complimentary.

    Isn’t it true though that men at all economic levels have traditionally been more reluctant to get married? It’s usually women who drive marriage, and it’s always been. Genetically men tend to more oriented toward the hunt, and the most successful men (according to social norms) tend to be the best hunters and therefore the hardest to marry.

    That said, I think there are a number of reasons it may be harder to marry today:

    1) As someone said above, the imperative to marry is no longer there
    2) Everyone, including women, but especially men, are living in an extended adolescence. A man today “isn’t ready” at 30 to take on what earlier generations of men took on at 20.
    3) There are more women than men in absolute numbers
    4) Women now outnumber men on college campuses and the gap is growing
    5) Fast track/success oriented men in particular are concerned about divorce settlements. The divorce rate is much higher now than it was “back in the good old days”.

    Not sure how to quantify this point, but life is more complicated now than ever, and I think both men and women know it and are feeling it. Marriage seemed more natural during slower, more predictable times. We’re all expected to be supermen and superwomen, holding high powered jobs, raising perfect little child protegies, living the high life and doing it all with washboard abs. That’s too much pressure for anyone.

    Maybe we all need to relax and leave a few things on the table!
    .-= Kevin@OutOfYourRut´s last blog ..7 Reasons Super Bowl Monday is THE Day to Start a Diet =-.

  31. Money Funk says

    @Monevator @admin

    I LOVE your comment, Monevator! I meant to say, “soothed by flirtatious words (outside of the relationship)”. If I remained the single woman I always wanted to be when I was younger…I would be this type of man. LOL.

    And you’re right – he would get bored and move on. I do believe that the SMB is not meant to settle. Unless some situation totally transforms the man’s way of thinking.

  32. Monevator says

    @Sam – Yeah, you’d never guess at these searing emotional depths from my 1600 word report on last night’s Joseph Stiglitz lecture in London, eh?

    I try to watch what people do, not what they say.

    @moneyfunk – Agreement in an Internet discussion? Unprecedented! 

  33. Money Reasons says

    Sorry about this shallow comment, but..

    I think that quote “Polish him too much and he loses his edge and rolls away” is great!!!

    But, I do find myself nodding to most of what the Monevator says, especially for a certain faction of the male population…

  34. admin says

    @Mike
    Hmmm, she’s not nice. Might have to find yourself a new gf! lol.

    @Monevator
    Yeah, another pithy 1600 word post from you on your site. Well done keeping up with your goal of limiting the length to 500! Only 900 words too many, but I have faith in you! Actually, I never counted how many words this post is….. looks like 1,300.. but 200 is the questions and special note part, so that doesn’t count.

    @Money Reasons
    Thanks for highlighting the quote. In fact, if one reads this post carefully, one will find a lot of interesting innuendos in the phrases i.e. SMB’s have big egos, “stroke wisely” etc. But of course, maybe I’m just kidding!

    @Money Funk
    Au contraire! The SMB totally wants to settle… perhaps more than any UMB (unmotivated boyfriend) will ever want to settle! He just needs to get his life sorted first, and then as I wrote in the final paragraph, he will cherish and take care of his woman FOREVER! The intensity he has towards work, success whatever simple gets transferred over.
    .-= admin´s last blog ..Do “C” Students Deserve “A” Lifestyles? =-.

  35. admin says

    @Kevin@OutOfYourRut
    Hi Kevin, yes I have to admit I was nervous putting up this post, but after 4 months of keeping it under wraps, I thought WHAT THE HECK, and what’s the worst that could happen? Someone calls me a name, or says I’m a chauvinist pig or whatever. Oh well. The whole theme of this site is to “slice through money’s mysteries”… or slice through a lot of crap we read and here.

    We’re in a hyper competitive society, and I’m just saying that if a woman has been dating her BF for 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 +++ years and wants to settle down…… there may be some issues with the guy that she really needs to understand. Once she does, I am absolutely positive good things will happen.

    I don’t know if guys will get offended by this post. Yeah, we are considered more stoic, but hopefully not only does the post help women, it also therefore helps the guy!

    Interesting facts/numbers you highlight which I did not think about. And for the record, if I starve myself for 2 days and do 10,000 sit ups, I will have washboard abs! j/k.
    .-= admin´s last blog ..Someone Always Farts In A Crowd =-.

    • Concojones says

      Awesome, thought-provoking post! Isn’t it a pity you almost didn’t post this?

      So far, I’ve only known you from your comments on other blogs, and what you gave away there was enough for me to conclude you have interesting things to say, but often you’ll keep them to yourself and just stick with agreeing with what others say. That’s why I wasn’t surprised to read that you didn’t post this for 4 months. I’m looking forward to seeing more gems like this post and the one on “the dark side of early retirement!” Let me start by checking out the archives of your blog!

      About the content of the post: I can relate in the sense that I’m a guy and I don’t want to settle down and have kids yet because there’s important stuff I want to do first! :-) Yep, career-related.

  36. Neal says

    I must say, I’ve been out of circulation for a long time. I’d have to say that I am a fairly motivated guy but my wife has never ever pushed me. In fact, neither of us push each other at all. Maybe that’s why we’re still married 23 years later – and our relationship improves daily!

  37. Bytta @151 Days Off says

    The first thing that popped into my mind when I saw this article was “how come I didn’t know Takeshi Kaneshiro earlier? Duh!” Thanks for that.

    Second, I think it’s brave of you to blurt out this macho-oriented opinion. You could have been stoned to death by most female readers.

    Generally I agree with Money Funk and Monevator. I would never go out with a guy who’s prettier than me… too dangerous. Most girls think that way. And insecure guys don’t have to be pretty or ambitious.

    You wrote: “The idea is to be selfless in promoting others, a key theme I keep going back to. In this case, “others” is the SMB.”
    From the get go, I have the feeling that you know too many intimate details about the subject that I’m almost sure you speak from the heart :). It’s you, ain’t it?

  38. Sandy L says

    When I read this, I actually thought of your “C students/A lifestyles” article because of the confident woman comment. I actually find people struggle when they try to find a mate that is not their equal. A lazy girl who wants to find a man to take care of her. A fat beer drinking guy wants an aerobicized supermodel.

    I don’t necessarily think some people are “too picky” as a previous commenter said of her girlfriends. I actually think that some people hold themselves to a lower standard than they do a prospective mate.

  39. Monevator says

    @ Sam – Washboard abs are partly genetic. If your fat cells are distributed around your midriff, forget it. Have another pizza!

    Incidentally, a media chum was telling me the other day that only one UK Men’s Health cover model has ever been from the UK, because they can’t find guys ripped enough here. This chap didn’t have the full xylophone ad set, and apparently the mag sales plunged! So they went back to taking US models from the US mag.

    See, we don’t just have bad teeth here in England. ;)

  40. admin says

    @Neal
    Congrats on the 23 years! You should write on your site how you’ve made it work so long!

    @Bytta @151 Days Off
    That’s the beauty of America and having your own site. You can say whatever you want! There is some SMB in all of us males. One of my hopes was so that the article could speak to as many men as possible, and help them help their girlfriends to help their relationship. Hopefully the article has succeeded, a little bit.

    @Sandy L
    Hmmm… hold to a lower standard than their prospective mate? Why is that? Is it due to laziness that the mate will balance them out or something? You’d think you’d want to really upkeep yourself so you can attract the other mate.

    Actually, perhaps you are saying once the mate has been found, one lets themselves go.

    @Monevator
    OK, will stop doing situps! Tell me, does the bad teeth stereotype exist? Do English folks like bad teeth, or is it not the cultural norm to get braces, floss, and brush regularly?

  41. Honey says

    I enjoyed this post! My boyfriend of 4 years is a SMB to the core, although interestingly he is the one who cares about being married and even about the wedding itself. It’s important to him, though, so I try to be supportive even though I think it’s silly (like you say to do!). Our wedding date is something like 2 months after he pays off his credit cards, so that’s his milestone/age hangup. Which is smart, since I don’t want to marry his debt :-) I do the worst at having outside friendships with other women, mostly because I moved to this city to be with him and it turns out it’s tough to make friends as a grownup once you’re not in school anymore! I do try, though.

  42. Mneiae says

    Recently, I was hanging out with MBAs in their late 20s/early thirties. I suppose that they are SMBs. All of them have smoking hot [seriously!] girls in committed relationships and none of them were anywhere near as beautiful as their significant others. They weren’t ugly, but they weren’t Kaneshiro Takeshi. This article explains some of it.

    If I ever get married [long way off when you're a teenager] then it will probably be to one of the SMBs and he will be older than me.

    And @Ryan/Planting Dollars yes, she exists somewhere out there for you. And by somewhere out there I mean somewhere in Hawaii you’ll find a girl who’ll do that. Right now, I’m at a point where I’m nowhere near anything serious; Gen Y girls stay in that period for a pretty long time. And that’s why you’ll find a casual girlfriend.

  43. Mneiae says

    @ Monevator Yes actually, that is attractive. We would say “Phwoar”. Women find it adorable and recognize the value of long-term relationships, even if they don’t want to be in one. Believe me, it’s easy to get jealous of people in stable relationships, even if you’ve consciously chosen casual ones.

  44. David H. (FPT Guy) says

    Great post. I guess when I’ve had girlfriends I would be considered an SMB. Especially now that I’m trying to get successful with my personal finance blog and possibly start some other businesses. I don’t want to be tied down and domesticated, that just doesn’t work for me.

    I guess I don’t understand what the big motivation is for marriage other than that’s what society says should be done. Marriage is for the family unit and the children.

    I often think that women are attracted to a man, want to marry him, but then if he becomes too much of a domesticated dog and loses his edge, women will look for “attention” outside of the marriage. And it works vice verse. But that’s simply because people get caught up in thinking that the other person will “complete them” – which is just media and Hollywood sold BS. Only person that can complete yourself is you, and having a partner is an add on. That’s the only way it will truly work. They can’t complete you, and you can’t complete them.

  45. David H. (FPT Guy) says

    ADD-ON: about the ego thing, yes there are plenty of SMB’s that have ego issues, but then there are those of us who see through the “Matrix” (what society would like you to think to control you) – and are making conscious and active choices daily to create the life they want. But I agree there is a fine line with letting ego take over, so awareness must be kept high!

    Getting spiritual on a PF blog – ha!

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