Despite finally having the permission to live it up in retirement, I still find it hard to spend money on things I don’t truly need. A big part of building wealth has always been about endurance and suffering. The more we can withstand—long hours, delayed gratification, and the occasional investment blowup—the greater our odds of becoming wealthy over time.
On the other hand, if we constantly choose the easy path, life often becomes harder in the long run. And if we have children, they may end up bearing the consequences of our inaction.
Since my first full-time job in 1999, I’ve had the FIRE mentality baked into my psyche because banking hours were unpleasant. Even today, at 48, I can’t help but wake up before 5:30 a.m. after going to bed around midnight. My body still craves the hardship it endured at work, almost like an addict.
If I’m not up early doing something productive before my family wakes, I feel off. My internal Provider’s Clock keeps ticking loudly, not letting me sleep in.
This tension between the need to provide and the desire to enjoy freedom is a battle I didn’t anticipate after leaving the workforce. After years of discipline to get to retire early, it's extremely hard to change habits.
Suffering Is Relative
If you live in a developed country like the United States, your version of suffering might be sitting in traffic for an hour each way while wolfing down a double cheeseburger and a Diet Coke. Sure, you might get eaten first in the next zombie apocalypse because you can’t run an eight-minute mile, but at least you’ve eaten well. Now, so will they.
If you live in rural Cambodia, however, suffering might mean not being able to feed your family every day. Your children are malnourished, walking several miles to school in the scorching summer heat. Ironically, they’d probably survive that same zombie apocalypse because they’re used to hardship.
So if we find ourselves living in a developed country with all the modern conveniences, it’s only natural to grow soft.
Unwilling To Suffer To Get Better
The reason most of us don’t have flat abs and a chiseled chest is because working out requires too much suffering. Who has the time or energy after juggling work and family responsibilities? We all know that regular exercise helps us live healthier and longer lives, but screw it! Too much work.
The reason we haven’t mastered our favorite instrument by now is because excellence demands practice suffering—hours of repeating the same scales, chords, and tunes until our fingers ache and our mind wanders. It's easier to let our guitar gather dust and play some Pandora instead.
Maybe the reason we don’t have better relationships with our children is because childcare takes tremendous patience and effort. It’s far easier to outsource our responsibilities to daycares, nannies, au pairs, and schools.
Or perhaps we’re not further along in our careers because networking and flattering people we don’t like is its own quiet form of suffering. We can’t bring ourselves to override our values for a promotion or a raise.
Life is suffering. The sooner we accept that truth, the freer, and maybe wealthier, we become.
How To Suffer More Easily And Grow Stronger
The key to accepting suffering is to endure it for someone else’s benefit. If you can do that, you can withstand almost anything.
Recently, I faced a dilemma: pay $1,448 for First Class to Honolulu or $448 for Economy — a $1,000 difference. The flight was on a Boeing 777-300ER, my favorite plane for this distance. The First Class seats are single-window, lie-flat pods with no neighbors. Luxurious.
After 30 years of saving and investing, I can afford it. My portfolio has lost 100 times that amount in a single day several times this year alone.
But I struggled with the decision because First Class doesn’t get you there any faster than Economy. Spending money to save time makes sense; spending money just for comfort is trickier.
Turning Suffering Into Purpose Through Family
When I checked United’s site, the $448 Economy seat turned out to be a teaser fare. To choose a window seat, I’d need to pay $59 more each way. Sitting in the middle seat for five hours isn’t torture, but it’s not fun either.
If the flight’s delayed or I get wedged between two plus size passengers spilling into my space, the trip could be miserable. Add on some heavy cologne or maybe some egregious BO, and suffering is a certainty. After 200+ work flights, I’ve had my share of those. At this stage, I’d much rather pay for comfort.
But as I debated, I checked my kids’ investment accounts and noticed my daughter’s custodial account was about $1,600 behind where my son’s was at her age. She’s three years younger, and roughly 17% of her account is in Amazon, which has lagged the S&P 500 and NASDAQ since 2020.
Immediately, the provider in me took over. I needed to fix this imbalance. Amazon firing ~30,000 of its employees to cut its bloat, sadly might not be enough.
Steps To Suffer For My Daughter
Step one: punish myself for picking the wrong stock by sitting in Economy for 10 hours round-trip. She relied on me to make good financial decisions for her, and I failed.
Step two: redirect the $1,000 First Class savings to her investment account.
Step three: find a way to save and suffer even more! Instead of saving $1,000 by booking Economy, I booked Basic Economy to save an extra $100, bringing the total to $1,100, which I invested for her.
I then transferred $1,100 to her and her brother's Fundrise venture capital account instead of the S&P 500. $1,100 down, another $98,900 in contributions to go for both kids.
A week later, I got too annoyed that her portion of the account was still $500 short, so I went ahead and contributed another $500 to even it out. Now it’s on me to find ways to save that $500 by cutting back on a few wants.
For those wondering, Basic Economy likely means middle seat as you are assigned a seat last minute at the gate, only one small carry-on bag, and no options to change flights or sit with friends or family.
Related: Use Stock Market Downturns To Help Make Your Children Wealthy
Easier To Do Something For Someone Else
Most of us would do anything for the people we love. So if you want to grow wealthier, dedicate your effort — and yes, your suffering — to them. You’ll push harder, take smarter risks, and persevere through discomfort when the goal is to give your family a better life.
If you don’t have kids, channel that same drive toward the people or causes that matter most — your parents who sacrificed for you, your friends who always show up, or even a loyal pet who depends on you. Or maybe it’s a charitable mission that gives your saving and investing a deeper meaning.
When you attach purpose to your financial journey, discipline becomes easier, and wealth creation feels less like greed and more like gratitude in motion.
Sure, I’d love to stretch out and sleep peacefully in First Class on my next flight to Hawaii. But my daughter’s financial security matters more. Besides, just being able to fly to Hawaii midweek is already a privilege, given I don't have work responsibilities. Perspective matters.
Related: Spoiled Or Clueless? Try Working A Minimum Wage Service Job As An Adult
Easiest Way to Regularly Suffer And Build More Appreciation
One of the simplest ways to remind yourself how lucky we are is by fasting. Since eating is a daily habit, voluntarily limiting food intake is a powerful reminder not to take abundance for granted.
Around 750 million people in the world face hunger, while about 2.4 billion experience food insecurity. Once you truly understand this and see it firsthand, you’re far less likely to waste food or overeat.
Fasting humbles you, sharpens gratitude, saves money, and improves health. Not a bad combination, especially when food prices are high or assistance programs risk interruption.
In a world where excess is easy, choosing restraint is a quiet act of strength, and a reminder of just how fortunate we really are.
Readers, what kind of suffering have you willingly taken on to grow your wealth? What psychological games or mental shifts help you embrace more discomfort to strengthen your health, relationships, and sense of fulfillment?
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I completely agree that purpose makes sacrifice endurable. I feel that in my own career as I push through difficult years to fund my kids’ education and protect my family’s future.
But I also sometimes struggle with the tension between teaching resilience through discomfort and removing future discomfort through wealth. If we save aggressively for our children so they never have to face financial hardship, are we also removing the very source of the resilience we value?
For me, it comes down to a few guiding ideas:
Sacrifice must serve meaning, otherwise it’s just deprivation.
Wealth without struggle risks producing fragility- if everything is handled for you, where does discipline come from?
Self-denial can turn into identity maintenance, not wisdom and being “the frugal one” can become the real goal.
There’s nothing wrong with prosperity, and nothing heroic about unnecessary discomfort. Comfort isn’t a failure.
So I’m always asking myself: Are we sacrificing for something real, or because we’ve become attached to the grind itself?
Still trying to find that balance. I’d love to hear how others navigate it.
All good points. It is a balance indeed.
Comfort isn’t a failure. But too much comfort is a failure if you’re trying to teach people or your kids grit and resilience. The world is a harsh place. I’ve seen this reality for the past 25 years living in San Francisco. Every neighbor has an adult son living at home with them, and I’ve moved multiple times to multiple neighbors already.
If they were forced to work growing up, maybe they’d be willing to take any job after college just to develop that independence. But if they are offered comfort in the way of free living, why bother?
I can totally relate to this article. We are UHNWI due to years of savings and frugality. However, we have never flown business class or premium economy as I couldn’t justify the price difference especially on international flights as the price difference can be more than 8x and we don’t arrive any faster. With us now being 60, it may be time to start enjoying life and fly more comfortably.
The 8X multiple is A LOT. And it can make you feel foolish for spending so much, especially since you get there at the same time.
Spending the money might then remind one of their lack of discipline in terms of eating habits and fitness, because of the desire for a larger seat. It’s a trip!
But at 60, if you are indeed worth $25+ million, then why not. YOLO!
I don’t think I can get my husband to be on another international flight (over than 15 hours) without flying business class as he claims that economy class seats are just too uncomfortable.
As part of our effort to deaccumulate and reward ourselves for years of successful saving and investing, funding the kids education, etc., my wife and I elected to fly business class on two international flights this year. We will not go back!
IF you can do it, then try it once. You may not find it beneficial. But at least you tasted it.
People worry about lifestyle creep, but most people on this board who have been savers will have the discipline to pull back on spending as necessary. Give it a try. Whats the harm?
I am sure once I try, there is no going back to economy class. In my mind, i know we should enjoy the wealth we have accumulated due to years of discipline but I just have a hard time paying 8X for a business class ticket and prefer to use the savings on a nicer accommodation while on vacation.
Personally, I’m in the decumulation phase of my life. One of the ways I try to accomplish this is by tying splurges to charitable donations. So if I considered first class tickets a splurge I still buy the first class seats but then donate an equal amount to charity. It tricks my mind into looking for splurges and not feeling guilty for it. Ironically, my net worth continues to grow which allows me to splurge and give more often.
Sam, I usually disagree with you on these splurge decisions and this is no exception. You passed up tremendous value. You absolutely should have booked that business class!
I get the itch to keep the kids’ accounts at round numbers – I have the same OCD tendencies. But come on, this was a United lie-flat pod! If it were an older plane with just a big armchair in business class, sure, economy would be fine. But this? This is a premium experience worth every extra dollar. You could’ve rounded up the kids’ accounts and still flown business. Remember, you’re the one who preaches de-accumulation – what better way to do that than spending an extra grand on a lie-flat seat to Honolulu? I truely believe that near the end of our lives, we’ll cherish that extra business class flight far more than the extra money sitting in a brokerage account. Experiences > savings, especially when the value is so freaking good as in the case of this business class flight.
I guess once you have flown first class on the Boeing 777-300ER, the second, third, or fourth time no longer is as exciting. And if you’ve flown private with a full-size bed, paying for a first class is even less exciting. Hedonic adaptation at its finest!
And we are to be honest, sitting in the middle seat for five hours as your neighbors squeeze you isn’t that terrible.
What are some splurges you have recently done?
“being loved gives your strength. being in love gives you courage.”
Nice, that’s a smart way to not only save but to put that savings to work for a good cause. I like your mindset and how you treat sacrifice not as punishment, but as a tool for growth and care.
I used to only fly economy and yes I’m old enough to remember the days when it was just economy, business, or first. There weren’t all of those annoying and complicated add ons or premium seats within each section etc. I never even considered anything else besides economy because it was too expensive.
Then I went through a period when I would pay up for economy plus. It was fantastic until it wasn’t. I got stuck next to someone who should have paid for 2 seats because they couldn’t fit within the arm rests. I was so annoyed from that experience of having paid extra for a nicer seat only to be stuck and uncomfortable for the entire long distance. That helped sour the premium pricing for me.
Now I just get regular economy that allows for a seat assignment and try to book early enough that enough regular seats are still available. It’s gotten ridiculous how many different types of seats the airlines price within the same “economy” section to get more money out of us even though it’s totally separate from the economy plus section.
Anyway, nice job on your savings and investing!
Your post reminds me of the lyrics, “And you bleed just to know you’re alive,” by the Goo Goo Dolls.
So true that it’s easy to grow soft, lazy, and entitled while living in America. Discipline is in order, especially if we want to alleviate the overburdened healthcare system.