I was playing tennis with a friend who happens to be a partner at a large mutual fund company. During warmups, we got to talking about what is the right amount of money to leave our children.

I told him the right amount of money to leave our children is enough so that they’ll never starve, but not enough that they’ll completely lack motivation to make their own money.

He agreed with my statement. However, where we disagreed was on the amount.

My friend used the example of what if his son wanted to be a college professor. His son would “only” make about $150,000 a year, which might not be enough to raise a family if his son’s spouse didn’t work. As a result, he feels that setting up a trust worth $10 million was the right amount.

My instinctive reaction was that $10 million is way too much money. Surely, that amount would spoil his son rotten. But I shrugged off his belief and we started to hit. After our session was over, however, I started to think more about this subject.

If you’ve amassed a decent amount of wealth, you will likely want to leave some of it to your children. Let’s discuss some inheritance tips so we don’t screw up our children.

One of the reasons why my 30-year-old neighbor still lives at home with his parents is probably because he expects to inherit a boatload of assets. His parents’ home, alone, is probably worth about $2.5 million.

The great thing about my neighbor’s living situation is that his parents only come to visit during the weekends. His parents have another home in the North Bay. He also rents out one of the rooms to his friend.

By continuing to live rent-free in his parents’ house, my neighbor is not only saving a lot of money, but he’s also laying claim to his future assets. When his parents eventually pass, surely the house will go to their by then 50+-year-old son who has been living in the home all this time. 

However, despite being in a position to inherit millions, my neighbor doesn’t seem to be progressing in life. Although he graduated from college in 2015, he still works at a dead-end job. He’s not in a relationship either. Instead, he’s used much of his disposable income to buy and maintain two cars and two noisy motorbikes.

Awkward Neighbor

It would be one thing if he was cheerful and happy every time we cross paths. However, he never says hello and always seems angry.

One time, I was walking down the sidewalk pushing my baby daughter in her stroller. He decides to pull out one of his vehicles and block the sidewalk. He sees me, but doesn’t say hello.

I stop to play with my daughter, assuming he would continue driving his truck into the street or reverse back into his driveway so we could pass. We wait for three minutes. Nothing happens. Instead, he decides to get out and leave his car in the sidewalk. Nice.

If I was his father, I would be concerned. As a parent, all we want is for our children to be happy and independent. I’m afraid that if we can’t teach our children social skills or develop their emotional intelligence, then some of us will decide to just throw money at our children.

If you’re wondering what’s the best age to have a baby, I’ve got some very important thoughts for you. It is my opinion that having children is one of the best things you’ll ever do. Children make like more meaningful. Their love will fill the household.

As a 43-year-old dad of a 3-year-old and an 8-month-old, I’m reminded of my old age every time I bend over to pick up my little one from the bassinet. My lower back aches and my knees sometimes dangerously buckle if they bend too far. Oh to be 25 again!

But then I realize that because we are older parents, we don’t have the same stresses as younger first time parents. We’re not stressed about going over a baby budget because we don’t have one.

Both of us don’t have jobs to commute to. And we’ve built our cozy little dream home in San Francisco. Having more time to spend with our little ones is priceless, especially the first five years before kindergarten.

We therefore have two variables to discuss to come up with the best age to have a baby: The Biological Best Age and The Economical Best Age.

Given money is the root of all pain and suffering, it’s important to dig deeper into the Economical Best Age. Most articles you read on the subject only address the Biological Best Age.

Children are expensive. The more you love your children, the more expensive they will likely be. You will want to give your children the best of everything, which can sometimes cause you to go overboard. Hence, I suggest having a net worth goal before having children. This way, you might save your family from financial stress and perhaps save you marriage as well.

Now that I’m a 43-year-old father of two young children, I’ve been reflecting on whether the financial goals I set in my 20s were necessary in order to have children. I have a couple of friends whose families were ruined because they were always under monetary stress.

The average cost to raise a child is around $250,000 from 0 – 18 years old. In an expensive coastal city, you may have to budget closer to $1,000,000 for the first 18 years. If your kid goes to college for four years, add on another $100,000 – $400,000.

Further, if your kid expects you to pay for their BMW and starter home as an adult, you’ve got to add yet another $200,000 – $2,000,000!

Financial independence is the best. Financial dependence is the worst.

If you plan to get married, then you better not get divorced. Otherwise, what’s the point? You’ll end up wasting money on lawyers. You’ll absolutely disrupt your finances. And if you have kids, they might have to go to therapy in order to make better sense of the cruel realities of the world.

According to a Kansas State University study of more than 4,500 couples, it found that arguments about money was by far the top predictor of divorce.

Approximately 7.2 million Americans (4.4 million men and 2.8 million women) have hidden a bank or credit card account from their live-in spouse or partner, the report found.

What’s going on? For one, if you are constantly feeling financially constraint, there’s no surprise that your relationship will suffer. Therefore, making enough money to live a comfortable lifestyle is important. Then getting 100% on the same page when it comes to spending and reaching financial targets is the obvious next step.

But even rich people go through breakups all the time. So clearly there’s something else going on after a couple starts earning a comfortable income as the hidden bank and credit card accounts survey indicates.

Welcome to the terrible world of financial dependence, where no matter how much your household earns, you’ll never feel free if you aren’t earning your own income.