Do you have frugality disease or spending guilty? I do, which is one of the main reasons why I started to decumulate my assets at age 45. With the way I've been saving, I don't want to die with too much money. Otherwise, that will have meant that I wasted a lot of time and energy making money during my younger days.
My parents taught me never to order a beverage other than tap water because prices were astronomically high compared to cost.
Until this day, I still have trouble ordering anything other than a glass of water with a lemon slice if I'm going out to eat. I start rationalizing how water has zero calories, is plentiful, and good for me. Meanwhile, I'm craving the $6 fresh young coconut juice to go with my chicken satay at my favorite Malaysian restaurant.
One of the best tricks I've devised to overcome spending guilt is to actually purchase what's desired, marvel at it through the duration of the return policy, and return it! If there was a 30 day return policy on cars, I would literally be the most hated customer in the area because I would have no shame buying a new one every other month and handing back the keys.
I'm addicted to cars and their new car smell, even though I've stayed “sober” with Moose for over 5 years now. Today, I still follow my 30/30/3 car buying rule even though I have way more money than I will ever need.
Old Frugal Habits Are Hard To Break
Look down upon me all you want, but I'm telling you I have a frugality problem which needs course correcting. People have told me I'm overly frugal or cheap many times before. Each time it stings.
Over Thanksgiving weekend, I decided to create a challenge to only buy things with only the money I earned online during that 4-day weekend. Who the hell works online during those four days? It caused me to think more deeply and go seek business. I concluded that practically everybody outside of America works on that Thursday and Friday. Ao I pinged my Australian and English clients.
I managed to secure $1,100 in online income that weekend. Therefore, felt relieved I could go spend some money on some socks and business shoes. I mustered up the courage the first week in December to hunt for my favorite Tod's loafers at Barney's. They usually run $485 a pair after tax and are never on sale.
Miraculously, I found one good enough for my liking for “only” $315 after tax. I bought them immediately and brought them home to admire.
I'm keenly aware that $315 is still a ton of money to spend on shoes. However, relative to the income generated during the same period, it's not much. If I hadn't made any peripheral money in addition to my day job income, I would definitely not go ahead with the purchase.
I highly encourage all of you to stop letting frugality lead to lifestyle deflation. enjoy your hard work and sacrifices from time to time. Otherwise, you will regret working so hard and stressing so much.
In fact, conduct a regret minimization exercise to help you be more intentional with your life!
Spending Debilitation Strikes Again
It's been over 10 days now and I still haven't worn them outside! Spending guilt has taken hold again, given these shoes are more than double what I spend normally.
I cannot fight the urge to return the shoes and go find some other sale for a third the price. The kicker is that since Thanksgiving weekend, I've done much more online and still can't manage to step outside and scuff the new soles!
By highlighting my monthly personal credit card expenses, I fear it'll make me want to spend even less. I even write posts expounding there's no point making money if you don't spend your money to will myself and others to stop being so frugal. For the life of me, I can't break free from my spending habits.
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I'm curious to whether any of you also have spending guilt and frugality disease when you can afford the items? What are some of the things you do to make you spend a little and not feel guilty? Why are we so conditioned to act the way we do?
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Photo: Tod's Shoes. Are these shoes worth $315 after tax? I'll wear them 5 days a week. It's funny, but I bought these shoes in 2011 and I'm still wearing them in 2025!
When I was growing up money was always scarce and what little we got was stretched as far as it could possibly go. Our beds were dirty old mattresses salvaged from the dumpster (mine had an old blood stain bigger than I was, but it was better than the floor) and we lived on beans and white bread most of the time, so needless to say splurging on things like “new” clothes from the thrift store was a very big deal and didn’t happen very often. Money was a source of constant distress and family turbulence, culminating in a divorce and the foreclosure of my childhood home.
I’m an adult now, far away from there and not nearly so financially strapped, but that mindset has been burned into me to the point that spending any money at all makes me literally nauseous. And I’m not talking about getting Starbucks or going to concerts or buying a new phone. I wear my clothes until they can’t be worn anymore before going to Goodwill for more, then panic the whole way home feeling like someone is going to come bust me for spending $50. I won’t drive my car or mow my grass for weeks if I can get away with it because the thought of the dollars ticking up on the gas pump makes me sick. I’ll skip meals to put off the next grocery trip as long as possible.
I can afford not to do these things, but I was so conditioned to associate money with fear and uncertainty growing up that I can’t get out from under it, even when I’ve just gotten a $700 paycheck and know for a fact that it won’t total me to go buy a pair of $10 shoes. Maybe eventually it will go away or diminish, but somehow I doubt it.
I’m sorry you’re struggling still with your inherited sense of scarcity. I too grew up poor and now I can more than afford anything I desire, but I feel guilt when I buy something “too nice” like I stay away from brand names, I’m proud of my thrifting or sale finds. I rarely ever pay full price for anything.
If you’re unable to purchase food for yourself and clothes that are suitable for your work or aren’t so worn that they have holes, then perhaps it might be worth it to visit with a counselor. I saw mine for many years and she really helped me undo some of the things I inherited from my upbringing. You should be able to set a budget for yourself and purchase items you need to live and not be without.
I sometimes play a game. I call it “what’s my willingness to pay for this item.” I cover the tag and set an amount that I deem fair for that item taking into account quality, longevity of that item and how much use I would get out of it. (Think winter coat that you wear daily vs a t shirt you’d maybe wear once a month) then I reveal the price tag. If my WTP was higher than that amount then I buy it. If not I pass.
Guys, just buy what you NEED, buy what is worth it. You decide if those $300 shoes will be worth it. Will they last long? Do you love them? If not, buy something cheaper.
“One of the best tricks I’ve devised to overcome spending guilt is to actually purchase what’s desired, marvel at it through the duration of the return policy”
There’s nothing wrong with returning something you decide you don’t want or like–but to make it a routine lifestyle choice ultimately passes the costs on to other people. I do not approve.
Ditto what Doug says. Frugal means being careful and prudent with your money…and others. Cheap means being frugal with your money and profligate with other people’s money. Purchasing something to use that you intend to return is cheap at best and immoral and dishonest at worst. Yes. The policy permits it, but a well-formed conscience would not.
I’m half Dutch, and my wife is still way more frugal than I. I have been taking about buying a big screen tv for years, but said I was going to wait until my 27″ tube tv wore out. We have the money, even have extra income, that would easily take care of this, but every time I mention it, I get the “whatever you think is best” deal. I feel I have earned it, but she is also right that we don’t really need it and we can still watch stuff on the old tv. Haven’t figured out how to deal with this. Wait until we have holograms in our living room?
27″ tube TV will never die Joshua!
Upgrade to a 40″ LED at least for $400. It is SO WORTH IT!
I think you made a wise investment on the shoes. Classic style. High quality leather. If you wear them every day to work 48 weeks in a year, 5 days a week. You are paying a little over $1 a day to wear the shoes. This is cost effective.
If you have a sweater in your closet that you paid $100 for and haven’t worn it even once a year…then you have wasted your money.
Thanks for putting it this way! Although, I still have 4 more days to return them :)
I’m trying to donate as much as possible this year.
Ah, I did love the grunge era! Lol. But yeah, I’m going to treat myself to some new, needed, and well-deserved clothes at the after Christmas sales. I actually do think Payless makes sense for trendy shoes. You’re right, it’s great to wear the stuff you really love, not save it. Great post!
Hi. I’m trying to find answers on spending guilt too. I have advanced to the stage where I look truly shabby all the time in thrift store clothes and Payless shoes. Yet I work like a demon to make over $100,000 a year in a corporate job. Like you I bought pricey for me $100 sandals 2 years ago as an experiment and have only worn them maybe 4 times so I don’t ruin them. Lol, writing this makes me see how sick and silly I’m being. Maybe we need to start with small smaller indulgences, feel good about say, the $6 juice and take baby steps up from there. What do you think?
Sounds like good steps to me! Sounds like you’ve got it worse than me w/ the thrift store cloths and payless shoes. However, those are great stores! The only thing I wonder is you looking “truly shabby”. Maybe grunge is back in?
Where you favorite things the most!
There are lots of worse things to be than being Frugal. I get spending as well now, oddly it wasn’t something I had experienced before.
My parents, especially mom, is extremely good with her finances, and she taught us to be aware of our spending habits. However, the frugal mentality took a while to develop. Now I have to justify every big purchase.
I can fully understand the spending guilt… I have been talking myself out of buying a digital SLR camera for over a year now, despite having the money saved many times over! But from reading your comments throughout this post it is obvious you REALLY want these shoes and have justified their existence, so wear them and enjoy them and let that drive you to earn that much more extra income in January.
I would have a hard time spending that much on shoes. My wife thinks I need to lighten up a bit and spend more on things. Even though I have plenty of money now I still like living cheap. I just keep reinvesting as much as possible.
I think I have frugality disease… at least with respect to clothes. I’m not sure I would spend that much on shoes. But you picked a good way to do it by trying to spend only “extra” money you made. Of course, if you would have made that money anyhow then that changes things. I have no problem with people who want something specific “finding” that money by working more or selling something to get that particular item, even if it’s a luxury. (Of course, if people are in a bunch of debt they probably should apply that same “gusto” to earning money to get their finances straight…). Two cents :)
I don’t have spending guilt unless something I buy gets wasted. I figure I save most of what I earn anyway, so when I do spend something, I go for quality and am comfortable with it.
One area where I spend a lot is on food. It makes sense to me; food is an experience (both of the senses, and a social one), food should be nutritious, and food can have a big impact on the environment and on animals, so it makes sense to always go with quality in my view.
Shoes make the man, or so hot women say.
Nice shoes, outrageous price! I say keep them anyway, you earned them by working for them outside of your normal job and without reward it all becomes meaningless.
One trick I use to more when it’s deserved is to purposely save or budget for that item first. I know I’ll feel less guilty if I feel like I’ve thought it out and worked to earn that thing, whatever it may be.
I, personally, wouldn’t spend that much money on shoes, because that’s just not my thing, but I’d say if you want them, and you can afford them, then they’re worth it. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with splurging once in a while. (I actually wrote a post similar to this today.)
Oh, and I’m totally with your parents on the drinks thing when eating out, though for me it only applies to fountain pop. The markup on milk and juice and similar specialty drinks isn’t too bad (high, for sure, but in line with the food markup at a restaurant) but the markup on fountain drinks is off the charts. A restaurant charges $3 for a coke that cost them (literally!) about two cents. I just can’t handle that one! Haha.
All of you folks with Spending Guilt and Frugality Disease – SEEK HELP! You are hurting our economy. Don’t you know the world’s economic welfare rides on the backs of the US consumers? Get out there and spend your money! The world can’t survive if we all become savers.
You first Marie!
Sam,
I’ve tried, I’m beyond help – a confirmed safer and bargain hunter. I’m counting on the rest of you to bring back the economy!
I have spending guilt only on things I say “yes” to but feel coerced into purchasing. For example, I think our household is fine without a TV. (I really don’t own a TV). However, my other half is begging for a huge 60″ flat screen. Thankfully, he is okay with waiting but I don’t know if I’ll ever have the guts to say “okay, let’s get it.” And if I do, I know I’ll have huge guilt afterwards. Spending wads of money is just not a comfortable experience. ;)
What about value and style? I wonder why value products can’t just be stylish too? Like, why can’t a car designer just design something that looks like a Ferrari instead of a Nissan Leaf? Doesn’t cost much to draw!
I’ve always wondered this too. My wife tells me that expensive clothes “fit better.” Why in the world can’t the cheaper clothing manufacturers figure out this magic formula of good fit and apply it to the cheap stuff?
I understand what you mean by having guilt about buying something so expensive when there are so many cheaper alternatives. However, you have earned them, you can afford them, and they will last longer than your other main shoes (just guessing here…lol).
Who knows! Affording is one thing, eradicating the guilt is the other. This is what I’m having the most difficulty with.
Guess there’s always an extra buck to save or invest. It’s never-ending.
Sam,
Tod’s are nice, but they never fit me quite right. You made want to take a look at Ecco shoes. They are also very high quality (they used to get worn every day and were on and off many times a week due to the airport. The last set lasted me 4 years, and even then the insoles were what failed (even after replacing them). They are a nice middle ground at about $200. Of course if you break it down to a price per day or price per hour, I’m perfectly fine paying $.02 an hour for comfortable shoes.
OK, will try Ecco. Never tried them on caught my eye, but will try.
I think that’s the thing. I’m probably too lazy to spend hours looking for another shoe, since I HATE shopping! AH HAH! This is another enlightenment. thx!
We’ve been spending a little too much this month (or more like a lot!) but we had a trifecta that collided this month and I am just looking forward to starting fresh in the new year.
I have a feeling my December credit card bill is gonna to be huge too! Shucks!
I say you strap on the shoes and run outside before you can think. lol. I sometimes suffer from the same and have to shove myself mentally to go against this frugal side of me.
Interesting thoughts sam – usually I dont mind ordering things other than water at a dinner out, but usually when I do its booze – I think the mark-up on soda is high, and I dont drink it anyway. That’s the nice part about online income – it really makes spending a bit extra on yourself easier because you can just earn it back!
The mark-up on alcohol is even worse, hence I definitely never order alcohol, unless it’s a business event!
Wow, Tod’s loafers. Nice! That’s Mrs. RB40’s favorite brand although she hadn’t spent any money on them lately. There is no way I would spend $300+ on shoes. I am way too cheap to spend that kind of money. If you love it, you should keep it. It’s a reward for working hard over the long weekend! :)
Oh yeah? Cool! She’s got good expensive taste haha. I don’t love it. I just think it’s a good quality product that looks nice.