Do you have frugality disease? I do, which is one of the main reasons why I’ve started to decumulate my assets at age 45.
My parents taught me never to order a beverage other than tap water because prices were astronomically high compared to cost. Until this day, I still have trouble ordering anything other than a glass of water with a lemon slice if I’m going out to eat. I start rationalizing how water has zero calories, is plentiful, and good for me. Meanwhile, I’m craving the $6 fresh young coconut juice to go with my chicken satay at my favorite Malaysian restaurant.
One of the best tricks I’ve devised to overcome spending guilt is to actually purchase what’s desired, marvel at it through the duration of the return policy, and return it! If there was a 30 day return policy on cars, I would literally be the most hated customer in the area because I would have no shame buying a new one every other month and handing back the keys.
I’m addicted to cars and their new car smell, even though I’ve stayed “sober” with Moose for over 5 years now. Today, I still follow my 30/30/3 car buying rule even though I have way more money than I will ever need.
Old Frugal Habits Are Hard To Break
Look down upon me all you want, but I’m telling you I have a frugality problem which needs course correcting. People have told me I’m overly frugal or cheap many times before. Each time it stings.
Over Thanksgiving weekend, I decided to create a challenge to only buy things with only the money I earned online during that 4-day weekend. Who the hell works online during those four days? It caused me to think more deeply and go seek business. I concluded that practically everybody outside of America works on that Thursday and Friday. Ao I pinged my Australian and English clients.
I managed to secure $1,100 in online income that weekend. Therefore, felt relieved I could go spend some money on some socks and business shoes. I mustered up the courage the first week in December to hunt for my favorite Tod’s loafers at Barney’s. They usually run $485 a pair after tax and are never on sale.
Miraculously, I found one good enough for my liking for “only” $315 after tax. I bought them immediately and brought them home to admire.
I’m keenly aware that $315 is still a ton of money to spend on shoes. However, relative to the income generated during the same period, it’s not much. If I hadn’t made any peripheral money in addition to my day job income, I would definitely not go ahead with the purchase.
I highly encourage all of you to stop letting frugality lead to lifestyle deflation. enjoy your hard work and sacrifices from time to time. Otherwise, you will regret working so hard and stressing so much.
In fact, conduct a regret minimization exercise to help you be more intentional with your life!
Spending Debilitation Strikes Again
It’s been over 10 days now and I still haven’t worn them outside! Spending guilt has taken hold again, given these shoes are more than double what I spend normally.
I cannot fight the urge to return the shoes and go find some other sale for a third the price. The kicker is that since Thanksgiving weekend, I’ve done much more online and still can’t manage to step outside and scuff the new soles!
By highlighting my monthly personal credit card expenses, I fear it’ll make me want to spend even less. I even write posts expounding there’s no point making money if you don’t spend your money to will myself and others to stop being so frugal. For the life of me, I can’t break free from my spending habits.
Related: The Best Things To Buy With Your Massive Investment Gains
Reader Questions And Recommendations
I’m curious to whether any of you also have spending guilt and frugality disease when you can afford the items? What are some of the things you do to make you spend a little and not feel guilty? Why are we so conditioned to act the way we do?
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Photo: Tod’s Shoes. Are these shoes worth $315 after tax? I’ll wear them 5 days a week.
When I was growing up money was always scarce and what little we got was stretched as far as it could possibly go. Our beds were dirty old mattresses salvaged from the dumpster (mine had an old blood stain bigger than I was, but it was better than the floor) and we lived on beans and white bread most of the time, so needless to say splurging on things like “new” clothes from the thrift store was a very big deal and didn’t happen very often. Money was a source of constant distress and family turbulence, culminating in a divorce and the foreclosure of my childhood home.
I’m an adult now, far away from there and not nearly so financially strapped, but that mindset has been burned into me to the point that spending any money at all makes me literally nauseous. And I’m not talking about getting Starbucks or going to concerts or buying a new phone. I wear my clothes until they can’t be worn anymore before going to Goodwill for more, then panic the whole way home feeling like someone is going to come bust me for spending $50. I won’t drive my car or mow my grass for weeks if I can get away with it because the thought of the dollars ticking up on the gas pump makes me sick. I’ll skip meals to put off the next grocery trip as long as possible.
I can afford not to do these things, but I was so conditioned to associate money with fear and uncertainty growing up that I can’t get out from under it, even when I’ve just gotten a $700 paycheck and know for a fact that it won’t total me to go buy a pair of $10 shoes. Maybe eventually it will go away or diminish, but somehow I doubt it.
I’m sorry you’re struggling still with your inherited sense of scarcity. I too grew up poor and now I can more than afford anything I desire, but I feel guilt when I buy something “too nice” like I stay away from brand names, I’m proud of my thrifting or sale finds. I rarely ever pay full price for anything.
If you’re unable to purchase food for yourself and clothes that are suitable for your work or aren’t so worn that they have holes, then perhaps it might be worth it to visit with a counselor. I saw mine for many years and she really helped me undo some of the things I inherited from my upbringing. You should be able to set a budget for yourself and purchase items you need to live and not be without.
I sometimes play a game. I call it “what’s my willingness to pay for this item.” I cover the tag and set an amount that I deem fair for that item taking into account quality, longevity of that item and how much use I would get out of it. (Think winter coat that you wear daily vs a t shirt you’d maybe wear once a month) then I reveal the price tag. If my WTP was higher than that amount then I buy it. If not I pass.
Guys, just buy what you NEED, buy what is worth it. You decide if those $300 shoes will be worth it. Will they last long? Do you love them? If not, buy something cheaper.
“One of the best tricks I’ve devised to overcome spending guilt is to actually purchase what’s desired, marvel at it through the duration of the return policy”
There’s nothing wrong with returning something you decide you don’t want or like–but to make it a routine lifestyle choice ultimately passes the costs on to other people. I do not approve.
Ditto what Doug says. Frugal means being careful and prudent with your money…and others. Cheap means being frugal with your money and profligate with other people’s money. Purchasing something to use that you intend to return is cheap at best and immoral and dishonest at worst. Yes. The policy permits it, but a well-formed conscience would not.