After reading Sam’s How To Prevent Your Wealthy Man From Straying, I’ve been thinking a lot about my own situation. You see, I’m the mother of three boys, and I’m the wealthy one in the relationship. As a government employee, I make about $78,000 a year, but my wealth really comes from my parents, who left me about $2 million dollars in real estate and investments when they passed away last year.
My husband is a finance professional who has floundered around in the finance industry for the past 15 years. He’s never worked for the larger, more prestigious banks, but always the lower tier financial institutions that never got any respect from clients. My husband isn’t the most handsome or the smartest man in finance, but he is very gregarious and sociable. Clients like him, they just don’t take anything he has to say seriously, if you know what I mean.
Let’s call my husband Jim. Part of Jim’s job is to travel around the country to wine and dine clients and make sure they are receiving the service they need. He usually goes for a couple days. One trip, I noticed his clothes smelled like female perfume. I’ve got a keen nose and knew it was Eternity for Women.
When I asked Jim why he smelled like CK's Eternity, he shrugged. He said that the perfume probably rubbed off on his clothes after hugging his female client goodbye. He explained they all went to a bar after dinner. Fine, whatever.
In The Middle Of The Night
Then one evening, I was awoken by couple text message bings on Jim’s phone. He was snoring fast asleep and I’m a light sleeper. I couldn’t unlock his phone to read the message, but I didn’t have to. The text message popped up on the homescreen automatically and said, “What are you doing honey? I miss you.”
I stayed awake for hours staring at the bedroom ceiling wondering who this bitch was. The name said, “Steve Eliz” which didn’t make much sense. Incredibly, right before I was about to go to bed his phone bings again! This time, the message was from “Steve Tracy” that said, “When are you coming down to visit me again.”
That bastard! “Steve” was essentially a fake name where he’d start to categorize the women he was going out with. Their real names would be Steve’s last name.
I woke Jim up, pissed, and asked him about Elizabeth and Tracy. He first said he didn’t know any Elizabeth or Tracy. And then he said Steve Eliz and Steve Tracy were friends he met on his travels. He then admitted after shaking off his groggy cobwebs that Elizabeth and Tracy were just two girls he met when he went on his last business trip to LA. They were just “friends” he met when he and his clients were out of town, but he didn’t want to put their full names in because I might get the wrong message!
I knew Jim was bullshitting, but I didn’t want to confront him any longer. Maybe he really was just having an innocent conversation with other women.
I’m used to Jim going out 2-3 times a week to entertain clients. But what I’m not used to is him not coming home. His first excuse was that he was too drunk to drive home, so he passed out in his car. Fair enough. But then the frequency of passing out in his car increased to once a week. When I told him to just Uber it home, he retorted that he would then have to Uber it back to work. Why waste $90?
Then one evening when he wasn’t back by 1am, I texted him asking where he was. He said that he was staying at his friend’s place in the city. So logically, I called his friend up and asked whether Jim was there. The friend said “No.”
I Know He’s Cheating On Me
I know Jim has been cheating on me for the past 10 years, but I’ve never caught him red-handed. I also know the women he’s cheating with are just laughing behind my back as he buys them lavish gifts and buys them plane tickets to meet him wherever his next business trip takes him.
The problem is, I feel like it’s impossible to divorce him due to the SHAME I will feel for my three sons, and the embarrassment I will feel from my friends and relatives. We had an amazing wedding with over 300 guests. How could I let them down? How could I let my boys down and explain to them daddy was a cheating bastard who doesn’t care about mommy anymore?
It’s hard enough raising three kids, let alone as a single parent. Jim and I have great moments together during the weekends where we spend time together as a family. He treats me and the boys well when we’re together for the most part. He’s just a philandering, asshole when he’s not with us.
If we divorce, we’ll have to spend money on lawyers. I’m also afraid that I’ll have to split my inheritance with him. If we divorce, I’m afraid my boys will hate me because they love their daddy and don’t realize what daddy is doing behind our backs. Boys have a special bond with fathers that I’m envious I cannot replicate.
Divorce seems like the messiest way out of an unhappy married given so much is at stake for me. I know I should leave him, but I’m afraid of living a life alone as a 42 year old woman.
The Pros Of Getting A Divorce
- I no longer have to feel like a fool for letting him betray me.
- I no longer have to listen to his lies as he explains where he’s been.
- I no longer have to feel ashamed for living a failed marriage.
- I no longer have to get laughed at behind my back by the women he’s with and the friends who know what he’s doing.
- The kids can hopefully understand one day the importance of being an honest person.
- The sooner I can break free, the sooner I can move on with my life.
- The sooner I can break free, the less he’ll take of my parent’s money.
The Cons of Getting A Divorce
- I’ll have let down my family, friends, and children.
- I’ll feel like an embarrassment to family, friends, and children.
- Lawyer fees are expensive and things could get very contentious.
- There’s a small chance he might actually not be consistently cheating on me. Maybe I’m wrong? Innocent people are wrongly incarcerated every year.
- It’s very hard to raise three kids by myself and I will need to hire help since my parents are no longer living, and I can’t count on his parents to baby sit anymore because that would be way too awkward.
- I’m accustomed to paying the bills, raising a family, going on trips, working, vacationing and all that as a married woman for the past 10 years.
- I’m afraid of being alone. And I think it will take a ton of adjustment.
- I don’t think I’ll be able to find anybody else at my age. Maybe, but I know it’s going to be hard. Who wants a broken woman who is 42 years old with three kids? Hopefully there is someone out there, but I don’t know.
Has anybody gone through such a situation before where they knew they should leave their spouse, but was too afraid to do so? What are some things you might attempt first before going through a divorce? We’ve already had couples counseling before.
Thank you for allowing me to share my situation. I hope to get some insights from the Financial Samurai community!
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