A car is the ultimate status symbol for insecure people. Let me explain why not following my 1/10th rule for car buying is more due to the unhealthy desire for status rather than the inability to be frugal.
As I was returning home in Rhino, my 2015 Honda Fit, a late model Porsche Cayenne SUV came zooming towards me. We were on a quiet and narrow residential street so I was going slowly. I’ve driven the street hundreds of times before and have never had a problem passing a car going the other way.
Instead of slowing down, the driver in the Porsche SUV started honking her horn for me to pull over to make way for her, as if she owned the road.
There was no need for me to do anything since I was well on my side. But if you’re going fast, it’s harder to calibrate the space you have between cars. I slowly kept on going and she slammed on her breaks and started screaming.
The Car As A Status Symbol
Of course, I curiously rolled down my window to hear what she was saying because I LOVE to talk to emotionally crazy people! It’s so much fun to try and figure out why some people go berserk over their own wrong doing.
“What are you doing?!” she screamed.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You’re supposed to make way. Don’t you see I’m coming?” she continued.
“You want me to move even more into my lane you mean?” I asked. “There’s plenty of room for both of us to pass. Just slow down.”
Then she got even more pissed and began talking nonsensical. “YOU HAVE NO IDEA! NO IDEA!”
“Huh? What are you talking about?” I responded calmly.
“This is why I drive a $70,000 car and you drive that!” she blurted out . And then she rolled up her window and sped off, perfectly fitting through the lane without me moving as I had explained.
Dang, why did she have to big-wig me like that?
Why Do People Lash Out?
Speed kills. I didn’t take the statement to heart until I saw one too many careless auto accidents that either destroyed a vehicle or left someone dead.
Just last week, I saw a woman driving a brand new Audi Q5 t-bone the Honda hybrid vehicle that was literally right in front of me at a neighborhood four-way stop because she somehow didn’t see the other vehicle going. Slow down people!
I’m trying to understand why the crazy woman in the Porsche said what she said to me. I’ve thought of several plausible reasons.
Road Rage And Insecurity
1) She was in a rush to go to work. It was 8:30am when the incident happened. Perhaps she was stressed because she was running late for an important 9am meeting. Anything slowing her down would face her wrath.
2) She’s insecure. Nobody needs a SUV in the city. Nobody needs a sports car in a city either. If you drive a sports SUV then you’re at the top of driving an unnecessary vehicle. Therefore, a reasonable explanation could be that she’s using her vehicle to make up for some type of insecurity. The insecurity could be as simple as being extremely unattractive. Or, maybe she’s using her car as a reason to make up for her inability to buy a single family home in San Francisco. Who knows for sure. She needs a car as a status symbol.
3) She believes bigger, more expensive cars have more authority on the road. I’ve noticed one very obvious difference driving a compact car versus driving a Land Rover. I get bulled over by larger cars who aggressively try and push me off the road when making turns or passes. Now I know exactly how it feels to be a smaller person walking in a crowd. It must get so annoying to get pushed and shoved by bullies or colleagues who feel more powerful than you because they are looking down.
4) She’s a bad driver. If you’re a bad driver, it’s hard to relax on the road because you know your lack of driving skills could cause damage to your car. The more expensive your car, the more stressed out you’ll be when you even park your car, let alone fix the car after an accident. If you’re a good driver who drives an inexpensive car, you’re as stress-free as you can be.
5) She’s financially overextended. When you’re stressed out about money, you’re simply more unpleasant to be around. Looking back at my post, “What Does Financial Independence Feel Like?“, the number one feeling I write about is no longer getting as annoyed or as pissed off at people. If you’r financially overextended, in a rush, and a bad driver, I can see why you might snap.
I really can’t think of any other logical reason why she’d be so rude to me other than the fact that she’s a nasty person. But I don’t think anybody is inherently bad. Usually something else is bothering them to lash out. It’s kind of like reading the occassional nasty comment. Comments are a reflection of the individual, because we always see the world in our own way.
A Car As A Status Symbol
If you’re saying to other people, “This is why I drive a $70,000 car and you drive that!,” it’s clear you believe a car is an important status symbol. I can understand putting a greater emphasis on the value of your car as a 20-something-year-old or even if you’re a late blooming 30-something-year-old because it may take up a greater portion of your net worth.
But if you’re over 40, happy, and financially secure, what’s the point of big wigging somebody?
Related: There’s No Need To Win A Financial Argument, Just Win By Getting Rich
I don’t go around telling people who cut me off, “Hey jerk! This is why I own multiple properties in San Francisco and you still rent!” That would be obnoxious, especially given only about 11% of San Franciscans can afford to own a median home right now.
But owning a median-priced $1.9M home in San Francisco in 2021+ is financially way harder than owning a $70,000 vehicle.
Easier To Lash Out Than Be Disciplined
I’ve come to the conclusion that Americans believe the car is the ultimate status symbol. It’s the reason why there is so much backlash against my 1/10th rule for car buying.
If you’re spending way more than 10% of your gross income on the value of a car, you will defend your decision to the end! It’s like paying $250/person for a meal if you’re not rich.
To not feel completely stupid for paying so much, you crow about how amazing your dining experience was and share all your food pics over social media.
If you’ve got a very expensive car status symbol, but it’s well less than 1/10th your income, you’re not insecure at all. You’re big balling and couldn’t give two shits about what other people think about your car. Nor would you ever try and big-wig someone who drives a less expensive vehicle.
What To Do If You’ve Been Big-Wigged?
As someone who is now 43, I found the whole incident amusing. It was an absolute joy to drive a $19,200 pre-tax compact car because I don’t have to worry about dings or fitting into tight spaces.
Rhino was the perfect city car that can park in 20% more spots than a mid-size car. Further, it’s much more gratifying picking up someone in an economy car and convincing them you’re someone worth spending time with, than picking up someone in a luxury car and having them admire you for your money.
If you’ve ever been big-wigged, just know there’s something wrong with them, not you. The people who are truly happy with their lives would never try and big-wig someone else.
They don’t need a car as a status symbol. Instead, they’d show more kindness than the average person because they are so appreciative of what they have.
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Related posts:
Measure Your Fiscal Responsibility By Calculating Your House to Car Ratio
The Best Mid-Life Crisis Cars To Buy
Safety First: Finally Bought A Family Car
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I’ll have to keep this in mind as I’m car shopping in the next couple months…
You feel like getting bullied when driving a smaller car. Think about folks like me who ride a bike and get run over all the time.
let me have her whereabouts. i will pay her a visit in my 200k R8 which i paid cash for and show her what she gets for messin with my favorite blogger
Where’s the “like” button on this comment? :)
It’s funny that she bigwigged you considering your net worth is most likely way higher than hers. As the book “The Millionaire Next Door” states and your blog confirms, expensive cars and outward displays of wealth do not accurately portray the net worth of an individual.
You never know what the net worth of someone next to you is since the rich like to practice stealth wealth.
I don’t know if I’ve seen a correlation between car value and entitled driving. I know I drove like an asshole when I had my beat-up VW Jetta because I simply didn’t care if it got dinged up! But maybe I’m in the minority…
I probably have been big-wigged but didn’t notice because I didn’t care.
as a bicycle commuter in seattle for the past 12 years (year round), i am constantly amused by the supposed power someone in a car has. yes, i realize an automobile driver could run me off the road or kill me, but the thing that stands out most is that the gas pedal, and its false sense of power, is something that feeds people’s rage, or even creates the rage in the first place. the gas pedal seems to act as some great equalizer among people from a power standpoint. were this 200 years ago, most of these people would be cowering or beaten down under similar circumstances.
lesson: don’t think you have power when you really don’t.
When I was living on the reservation in my younger years, my boyfriend and I were walking along the roadside and discussing a movie we had just seen. These two dudes drive by and yell out the window, “Hey! If you had a car, you wouldn’t have to walk!” We laughed and laughed about this. It is still one of my favorite stories. Honestly, they couldn’t have been driving a nice car, but they out-did us!
Many may not agree with my comments: I think if you can afford to and are responsible, you should own a nice luxury car. A nice cars generally instills confidence in people, makes them positive, and like they have achieved a milestone in their life. Clearly this does not mean that can be unkind to people and break the law. I own an Infiniti truck and I know the difference, at least to me, is that the ride is more pleasurable and rewarding, is made of better quality materials, and looks more attractive than some other mainstream cars. Therefore I make a deliberate mental effort to enjoy the whole driving experience and savor it each time I drive it.
Oh my goodness. People are crazy. I’m glad you didn’t get in an accident! I almost got t-boned a few months ago when someone ran a stop sign on me. Their car was literally inches away from smashing into me. Terrifying. Too many people just don’t pay attention to their surroundings when they’re driving. I try to drive slow because you’re exactly right that speed kills.
Lots of things in life are status symbols. Just owning anything in San Francisco to many is a status symbol. Whenever you meet a new person in a social setting you’re invariably asked where in the city you live. For example, the tech elite are obsessed with living in Noe Valley.
A car is very much the same thing. I wanna buy a Porsche Macan. Can I afford it? Yes. Do I need it? No.
Same thing with eating out… A $15 cocktail downtown SF is just nuts but people do it all the time. It’s about cache for many.
I remember when I was working in investment banking in the 90’s every guy was buying a $800 Hugo Boss suit. Oh how things have changed. The idea of wearing a suit and tie just seems crazy to me. The older you get the less stuff you tend to want.
Hey Sam, thanks for sharing your story.
Sadly, I would say that she believes that by having a more expensive car, she believes that she is more important than you (and anyone with a less expensive car) and she is a better human than you. She has more rights to the road than you do.
I think anyone who drives an SUV in a city is making a bad choice. Most people don’t need a car that big. It uses so much more fuel and costs so much more. There are so many SUVs in Melbourne. They will probably never see a field, dirty road or be off-road ever. It’s nearly always a tiny woman who is driving one of these cars.
I find it utterly bizarre why people think they should be give the rule of the road because of their car or attitude. Maybe they just want to show off how much money they can waste on depreciation of their car?
I’m surprised you both didn’t get out your guns and shoot each other. (Don’t you love stereotypes? :) )
Tristan
great story and what a ridiculous reaction. People at work don’t understand my car. I think they would respect it more if they understood that instead of buying a status symbol, I invested my money wisely. Because of that I could buy several cars with cash. But why? Cars as a status symbol is such an American thing and it so foolish. There would be more millionaires out there if people were more logical with their car choices. http://www.patientwealth.com/why-only-a-million/ is something I wrote about that. A porsche SUV is what $80,000? That’s worth $1.4M in 30 years at 10% growth. all for a status symbol. I just ignore people who try to big wig me because I know I work harder and smarter and they aren’t helping me achieve my goals. Great Article Sam.
Hilarious. Sam, isn’t your Rhino on a lease right now? What’s going to be your next car? I know that you’ve listed some nice ones in your mid-life crisis cars.
Wouldn’t it be ironic if you did follow her only to find that she does live in a $10 million pad in Pacific Heights? ;-)
ADVICE from an LEO professional: take out your phone and record/photograph the person and vehicle, time and location. People act completely differently when they know they are being recorded, and the crazy aggression that might work with their husband, neighbors or occasional strangers takes on a whole different context when it is recorded.
Haven’t heard the term ‘big wig’ before, but it is perfect and needs no explanation! Sam, sorry this happened to you, it sounds upsetting and unfair. This woman obviously has ‘control issues’ as well as ‘entitlement issues’. SF sounds like a hostile place to drive, with Taxis spitting on your hood, Porsches honking at oncoming properly-laned vehicles, rich Chinese kids revving their illegally muffled engines and setting off car alarms, windows broken to steal golf clubs, SFPD speed traps on improperly speed-rated boulevards, etc.
Seriously, this woman actually reminds me of some of the PF bloggers and commenters who use money as a short-hand for their values. There was a commenter not long ago on this site, who stated something like “I wear an $18,000 watch, because it tells me who I am.” OKAY!:-)
I do admire the way you handled it, but am not sure why you rolled down the window to ‘talk’. Have you ever had an encounter like that turn out better than expected? It puts the emotionally committed maniac in a position where they will either have to back-down (never happens!) or double-down on their aggression. At least you didn’t get out of the car, that is a sure way to escalation.
If I don’t talk to her, how can I find such great dialogue and experiences for me post? I can’t make this stuff up. It’s golden!
Good idea about recording or fake recording with my phone next time! Maybe I can capture something cool and post it here for us to discuss the why!
Record, fake record, watch their behavior change!
Was this a White woman? Sounds like it.
And the guy who told you he didn’t want “to live in the Asian Ghetto!”, was he Asian? Sounds like it!
Just curious, wanna see if my race-entitlement meter is still fine-tuned!;-)
Nope. Wrong on both counts. The woman driving the Porsche SUV was a 40-something yo black woman.
The Asian ghetto person was American, but with Persian ancestry.
I think your race-entitlement meter is broken!
I’m with you, Sam. I’m in the “slow drivers club”, not just for my safety but for the safety of animals and pedestrians who always seem to dart out instantly (in the first case) and carelessly (in the second).
I want to add one more reason your confrontational driver may have been rude.
After a particularly harrowing drive through SF’s Union Square in clogged afternoon traffic with horns honking and people screaming out their windows at each other, I was drained.
When I mentioned this to someone and asked why he thought everyone was so rude that day, he jingled the spare change in his pocket. “They don’t have enough of this,” he said. *
And, it’s true. Whenever I’ve been under financial pressure, I have no patience. When I’m financially comfortable, patience is much easier even when I’m up against deadlines or rude people.
* This rule, however, does not apply to spoiled rich kids, even the grown-up variety.
Indeed. The more stressed out about your finances, the more unpleasant you will be to your loved ones and other people around you. I’m going to add this as the 5th point. Makes a lot of sense.
We have a 12 year old honda civic, probably worth about 1% – 2% of household income. I really like BMWs, but I like the idea of retiring before 40 even more than BMWs.
People who spend all their money on luxury cars, keep the economy moving. Helps all of us in our investments. I wouldn’t discourage it, as long as they don’t default they can stay wage slaves all their life. And continue to use the “I need the SUV space”, “I need my pickup truck to carry things once every 2 years”, and the best “I work hard, I deserve this”.
“We have a 12 year old honda civic, probably worth about 1% – 2% of household income. I really like BMWs, but I like the idea of retiring before 40 even more than BMWs.”
Yup–I went Used Lumina -> New Kia Spectra -> New Honda Civic -> New Infiniti in 7-8 years. I finally realized it wasnt’ worth it. When my infiniti got totaled, I “downgraded” to a new Acura TL on a lease that I was planning on buying at the end of the lease (effectively got 0% interest on the lease). I got my wife a new 2014 Hyundai Sonata a couple of years ago and I’m going to switch to driving that until it won’t drive anymore after further reflection the last year on cars. Given that I only drive around 8k miles a year, it should last me at least 15 more years. Promised the wife a new CRV unfortunately. Still, in one year I’ll only have 1 car payment at $275/month vs 2 today at $700/month. The difference is going straight to retirement fund.
“People who spend all their money on luxury cars, keep the economy moving. Helps all of us in our investments. I wouldn’t discourage it, as long as they don’t default they can stay wage slaves all their life. And continue to use the “I need the SUV space”, “I need my pickup truck to carry things once every 2 years”, and the best “I work hard, I deserve this”.”
I LOLed – especially the second excuse. My brother and I played club soccer for eyars and had huge soccer bags and we did tournaments out of state with those + parents luggage in a traditional sedan (which are the size of today’s civics) all of the time and survived just fine (plus weekend trips to other cities just about every weekend). People just rationalize it. I was doing that even though I could afford it. Early retirement is even better though.
This is a great way to get gunned down in a road rage incident!
“Of course, I curiously rolled down my window to hear what she was saying because I LOVE to talk to emotionally crazy people! It’s so much fun to try and figure out why some people go berserk over their own wrong doing.”
I’m glad you were lucky enough to walk away without being shot. #Murrica
Indeed. Be prepared for death if you are willing to confront someone.
I laughed out loud when I read the “Hey jerk! This is why I own multiple properties in San Francisco and you still rent!”
People are insane and forget that cars as really just to get you from point A to point B. I’m perfectly content with my ’09 Malibu and I’ll drive that thing until it dies. And at that point, I’m going to buy used (probably a year old). Cars are the biggest waste of money and most drivers are completely whacked out of their minds.
— Jim
Boy, reading your story gets my blood boiling as I recently had an encounter similar to yours. I was driving on the highway going about 20 km over the speed limit at about 120 km/hr, like everyone else. All of a sudden I saw a Porche SUV gunning it from a distance, probably going 140 or 150 km/hr. I was in the inner lane and tried to move out. But there was no chance for me to move out as there was quite a bit of traffic. The SUV ended up tail gating me for a few minutes and the guy even honked at me. When I eventually moved out of the way once there was enough space I could see the guy gibing me the finger as he drove by.
It’s pretty amazing how aggressive ppl drive when they’re behind the wheel of a luxury car.
This is interesting port. Irrespective of where the lady was going or what she was stressed about she had no reason to talk about the car you drive.
Personally I have never been big into cars and have been against buying very expensive cars. We drive a 11 year old Lexus right now. We are in the process of deciding to buy a new car and we were thinking of going a little more expensive this time. Porsche/Audi Suv is one of the cars we are considering (don’t live in the SF). We would be paying cash for the car (my mid life crisis fund) and we are close enough to the 1/10 income for us. But it is still hard for us to buy cars which we know will be depreciating and a post like this makes me wonder if people will judge us negatively for driving one. I have to say your post had made me pause and we need to think harder before we buy.
People put way too much of their self worth in their cars, a depreciating asset. Bigger and more expensive cars usually require more expensive parts, insurance and gas. That little boost to your self worth is not worth an eternal drain on your finances. I’m perfectly content with my Corolla and don’t see a real reason to get anything bigger. It transports my wife in the front and son in his car seat in the back comfortably along with a trunk full of groceries. And it even has room for another car seat if needed!
As far as that slightly uncomfortable situation with the screaming lady, she was probably going through something, but then again that might have just been her nature. I might have a little more sympathy for her if she didn’t add her little $70,000 car comment at the end. Everyone has gone through loss and/or his stress in their life, but not everyone lashes out like that, so I don’t feel TOO sorry for her.
It does feel AMAZING to only have to spend $30 vs. $85 to go up and back from Lake Tahoe w/ my small car nowadays.
The best car is where I feel I’m getting the most bang for my buck, where it is fully utilized.
She reminds me off an incident that I had in my younger ignorant days.
I was in my beater $2000 civic. An elderly man in his beat-up car passed me and cut me off. This is not a big deal, it happens. But I was with a friend in my beat-up car, I said to him if you driving a car like that in your old age, then you have failed at life. I said that when I enraged but I still feel ashamed of having said it.
My friend agreed and sadly upgraded his car in a few months. I could not afford to buy a new car, and felt like shit driving in it.
Now when I see someone driving an old car, I usually think they must be smart and spend their money on things that matter.
Ha! I can understand why you said that. We have this reptilian brain that goes off during road rage, and I’m sure the Porsche SUV driving woman has a more normal, rational, softer side to her in different circumstances. Glad you’ve reformed!
Love this post! I just bought a “new” (to me) 2013 Toyota Corolla. My husband and I were in the dealership and we could overhear the couple sitting next to us negotiating their financing. They had a small down payment and couldn’t afford a 60 month term on their loan, so the finance manager encouraged them to consider an 84 month loan term! When it came time to run their credit, they couldn’t qualify for the loan, so the woman (who looked to be in her mid-40’s) called her mother to ask her to co-sign. I overheard her say that her credit score was about 650, which she thought was pretty good. They were doing whatever they could to get into this car that they CLEARLY could not afford!
At the risk of making this post way too long (your post got me really thinking!), the last car I had was also bought used, and was a 2004 Honda Accord that I put 235,000 miles on. She has been well maintained and still runs like a champ for her new owner. I bought her when I was 24 years old and working as a waitress. I paid $20,000 (plus loan interest over 36 months). In retrospect, I feel like a fool for spending that much money. My salary has doubled since then, but yet the $13,000 I spent on the Corolla feels like a fortune.
Why are we as a society so willing to spend money we don’t have? I am a financial consultant by trade, and it makes me feel sick when I see people sink so much money into depreciating assets. Good job on keeping your cool by the way; I probably would’ve given her a mouthful and the one finger salute, hehe.
Howdy Kate – That salesman really must be good! He clearly did not give a damn about the financial well being of his customer. Call your mom! Call your uncle! Get the money however you can, “YOU DESERVE IT!”
84 month term loan on a car is ridiculous.
Funny how the older we get, and the more we work for our money, the more we appreciate money and become more sensitive to the cost of things.
I notice the same trend in Irvine. The more expensive cars are more likely to run stop signs and zoom around the neighborhood.
I am loving our Camry, only complaint is that it has a bunch of road noise, has anyone dampened the sound themself?
Try better tires / different tires. Look at Tirerack.com and see what they have that fits your car and read the reviews. You’d be amazed at how big a difference tires can make on the road noise in your vehicle.
In 2008 I paid $15,000 cash for a new Toyota Yaris hatchback which I still own and it only has 29,500 miles on it because I hate driving mainly because of people like the woman you described. When I retire I don’t plan on having a car at all so cars never really mattered to me. I do prefer renting an apartment rather than owning a home because I don’t want the upkeep and I like having my utilities included in my rent for easy budgeting. Also, I like not having to worry about paying for unexpected maintenance bills.
As a self admitted Porsche nut, it is possible you want to drive a beautiful car simply because you enjoy driving so much. I have a hour commute to and from work daily and having something fun to drive makes it far less taxing.
Having said that, many people really aren’t car nuts and do buy cars for the same reason as Chanel handbags, Rolex watches and other items of extravagance. As long as you aren’t a jerk about it towards others, I really don’t have any issue with people that spend money on material things that make them feel good. I do take issue however with the woman’s driving behavior which sounds quite reckless and her obvious desire to attempt to feel socially elite by calling out the price of her car.
Yes, exactly. Everybody feel free to go nuts on material items. Just don’t make others pay for your decisions in the future and definitely don’t try and put people down for living the way they live.
One of the best things my father always said growing up was “the best car is the one that gets you from point A to point B the cheapest”.
That is a little oversimplified but the premise is solid and has served me well in my life.
Ugh. People need to get a life.
I used to be like you in your 20’s — I would have followed her.
But these days who knows what the person will do. Do they have a gun? Mace? Taser? Knife? Bat? Are they a black belt? It’s crazy out there! I simply ignore any issues and move on.
Drivers are so discourteous these days as a whole. Let’s work together people! Let’s drive so that we all make it there safe, on time, and happy.
As for the car she owned and the one you own: we know you are doing well. Odds are (if she’s like most Americans) she’s paying a fortune in monthly payments for that car and has other debts that she’s barely able to sustain.
I’d love to talk to her more to learn more about her background. It’s always fascinating to learn about people’s backgrounds.
FS,
There was actually a study done in the Bay Area by a professor at UC Berkeley a few years ago that showed that the rich drive differently and less ethically than less wealthy people. Essentially, people who drove more costly cars were less likely to yield to the pedestrians as required by law. It looks like the study captured the same sense of entitlement that you encountered. Might be worth adding to your post but I respectfully leave that to your discretion.
Here’s the NYTimes little blurb on the study.
https://wheels.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/08/12/the-rich-drive-differently-a-study-suggests/?partner=rss&emc=rss&_r=2&
Here’s the actual study.
https://www.pnas.org/content/109/11/4086.full.pdf
Respectfully,
CJ
This is a great study, and something I absolutely believe to be true about people who drive nicer cards being more entitled on the road.
I forgot about this study, so thanks for mentioning it. Go Bears!
Thanks for sharing Sam. That lady definitely has a bad attitude. No matter how bad your day was or what the excuse is, there is no reason to ever say nasty remarks such as that. She’s just spoiled.
No matter what you drive, it’s a personal choice and whatever you’re happy with but your vehicle is simply a tool. If you like nice things like myself, why not? Whatever makes you happy right but when you “try to” bully and showoff, you come across as unattracting and insecure for sure.