Why Do Women Go Out With Deadbeat Losers?
Men are dogs. If you give us an inch, we’ll take a mile. But, if you put us on a leash, we’ll gnaw it off and go even more crazy once we’re free. There’s a fine balance between loving your man and smothering your man.
Young and Thrifty wrote an entertaining post entitled, “When Being Generous Doesn’t Pay Off“, where she chronicles her deadbeat ex-boyfriend’s expectations of always assuming she will pay for everything. She reveals that he was a high school drop out who never held a steady job. Y&T is clearly an intelligent and kind woman who has since found someone much better.
Which begs the question: With a male world population of 3+ billion, why on earth would any woman ever settle for a deadbeat loser?
THE REASONS WHY WOMEN GO OUT WITH DEADBEATS
Settling for a deadbeat loser is like settling for a job you hate. There are way too many people who hate their jobs and keep on doing them, just like there are way too many women who settle for men who treat them poorly. What is it about non-ideal situations which makes us keep carrying on, doing nothing to change?
My theory is that in the beginning, most women don’t know the guy is a deadbeat loser. He probably is reasonably attractive and tells a good story about his current situation and his ambitions. Obviously, he will be on his best behavior during the wooing process. It might take one week, or it might take many months, but until a consummation is made, guys can be very charming! By the time a woman hooks up with the guy, only afterward will she see his true colors.
Her “oh, shit” moment comes at a time after she’s given everything to him. As we are generally all optimists, a woman believes she can salvage the relationship and change him for the better. Unfortunately, no matter how hard she tries, she can’t teach a gorilla how to put down the toilet seat, pay for dinner, and write her sweet notes of nothing. It’s too late, and eventually, the relationship fades. In retrospect, every woman who has gone out with a deadbeat loser realizes the case. “I don’t know what I was thinking“, is a phrase that always comes up.
WHAT’S IN OUR HEADS
* We don’t believe we are worthy. Above all else, I believe that the reason why we settle for someone suboptimal is because we believe we aren’t deserving of more. This is utterly disappointing and ludicrous. You don’t deserve to be mistreated or taken advantage of ever! You deserve to have someone love you back as much as you love them. Those who ask for promotions get promotions.
* We’re afraid to be alone. Life isn’t worth living if there’s nobody special to share it with. I’d rather be a median waged person with a loved one than be a lonely billionaire in the long run. It’s irrational to think that you will die alone given the population of the world today. Every day, we have the opportunity to meet a hundred people if we want to. It just takes initiative.
* We think we can teach a dog how to speak. If there are five “must haves” such as humor, compassion, motivation, spontaneous, cultured and he has three out of five, the temptation is to settle. Perhaps over time, you believe he’ll be able to develop the other two must haves and be that ideal guy. You’ll be able to change him for the better, which is hardly ever the case. The problem with this thought process is that he might actually lose one of the three must haves, and then you’re really going to feel bitter for wasting your precious youth on him!
* We’re afraid to get hurt. If we never try meeting other people, we will never get rejected. It’s truly disheartening when someone else doesn’t show you the same interest as you’ve shown them. Guys get rejected left and right because for some reason, society has told us we always have to initiate. Rejection doesn’t get that much easier to deal with after a while. Instead, we settle for what we have or just being a lone. That’s sad, because time isn’t on our side. The older women get, the smaller the pool since women refuse to be with men younger than them, whereas it’s everything goes for guys!
* We’re losers ourselves! I never thought about this until readers kept on mentioning that deadbeat women tend to go out with deadbeat men. Society always sees men as losers, and women as misguided. I guess there is equality for all, after all!
“ALL THE GOOD ONES ARE ALWAYS ALREADY TAKEN”
One of the best excuses women tell me for not wanting to be with an attractive guy who has all she wants is that she’s afraid she won’t be able to hang on to him. She’s afraid other women will be all over him, while she’s also afraid as she grows older, he’ll stop wanting to be with her.
This type of reasoning is very hard for men to understand because guys think they might as well be with the hottest and nicest woman possible in her prime, and lose her later than have someone less appealing. Guys also love it when their woman gets all the attention from other guys. I guess it’s because guys ignorantly believe their women will never cheat on them. Of course, we all know women cheat on men as much as men cheat on women.
YOU DESERVE IT
Because there are likely millions of people who wish they had better, you have really no fear of never finding someone you’re compatible with. Online dating sights have increased your probabilities 10 fold because by just several clicks of a button, you can search for that compatible someone. Compare the scope now vs. 20 years ago. It’s night and day!
Settling is such a weak thing to do. It screams of insecurity. You have a right to be happy because someone out there will truly value who you really are!
Updated as of 10/22/2013
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