How To Get Boys If You Live At Home With Mom And Dad
Despite the government saying the economy is better and jobs are plentiful, you know they are lying. How? Because there are still grown adults living at home with mom and dad! Furthermore, if you aren’t living at home with the ‘rents, then you certainly know people who do. As an equal opportunity blogger, I thought it appropriate after writing, “How To Get Girls If You Live At Home With Mom And Dad“, to also write the other version.
There are several assumptions in this post. First, you are likely under 35 years old, since there’s no such thing as a 35+ year old still living at home with their parents. Second, you don’t look like Jessica Alba or a sexy version of Hilary Clinton or Janet Reno. Third, you aren’t a princess with boku bucks to spend. Finally, you are likely female who likes boys and your name is not Jerry Sandusky!
STRATEGIES FOR GETTING BOYS WHEN LIVING AT HOME
1) Post on your Facebook or Twitter page you are available and looking for love. You will immediately have all your stalker friends send you private messages declaring their love for you! At least 50% of your male friends will have secret crushes on you. They look at every picture album you post and every word you write on your wall. They are waiting, like a chipmunk in heat to pounce on the big bag of potato chips!
2) Before he comes over, tell him that your father is away on business. A boy’s worst nightmare is facing the father of the girl he’s trying to get with. If you’re trying to seal the deal, you’ve got to seriously put the boy’s mind at ease that he will not run into your father! Boys imagine fathers with shotguns, baseball bats, and machete knives waiting for them when they walk out of your bedroom. Assure the boy, and you will get him to come over.
3) Tell him what your mom likes. Boys think about wooing not only you, but your mom, but not doing your mom, let me be clear. So, if he knows your mom likes chocolate biscuits, he will get her some. The boy knows that if he can win over the mom, his life will be multiple times easier and can probably come over to the house without having to sneak in. The boy also knows that it’s practically impossible to win over the father, so he’s not going to pretend to try.
4) Talk about your dreams and ambitions. Boys really don’t care if you live at home with your parents. We really don’t care, honest! Boys just want to spend time with you, preferably alone to launch the love session. You don’t have to feel embarrassed at all being a 27 year-old stay at home daughter. Instead, the more honest and open you are, the more the boy will want to rescue you from the palace. Boys have the damsel in distress thing wired in their brain as much as girls have the “I wanna be a princess” fantasy wired in theirs. The more distressed you are, the more he will want to save you!
5) Be willing to go on sleepovers. Boys love it when girls are willing to bring a backpack and sleep over at their place. It makes a boy feel like a man, even if he does have two roomies and only one bathroom between the three. By showing you are wiling to sleep over, you are demonstrating your trust in him. He will respect you deeply and tread lightly before pouncing like that chipmunk in heat. Just bring a tooth brush, facial wash, and your skimpy pajamas.
HOT OR NOT, IT DOESN’T MATTER
If you are really hot, the fact of the matter is, boys don’t really care if you live under a crickety old bridge next to the train tracks in a cardboard box. You’ve got it made since boys don’t think about how much money you make, what you do for a living, whether you own your own place, drive a nice car and other shallow things like that. Only girl think about that when dating a guy! All boys care about is whether you are attractive, nice, and won’t introduce them to your father. Beware of the father, please!
If you aren’t really hot, there’s no problem getting boys either. All you’ve got to do is identify those boys who still live at home with mom and dad! You see, boys who live at home with mom and dad are pretty insecure because society has put great pressure on them to succeed instantaneously. The pressure isn’t on getting married, it’s on getting a great job and doing something grand with their life so that one day, they will be able to get married and take care of a family.
If you just open up and say, “Hi, I find boys who live at home with their parents really attractive!” you will have a tremendous amount of pickings! Of course, you aren’t shallow and require boys to get jobs and become men by going out on their own. All you want is for a boy to love you back and accept you for who you are.
Readers, any other tips for how you can get boys if you live at home with mom and dad?
Photo: Janet Reno Baby!
Dr. Sam Love