Is There Ever A Right Time To Upgrade Your Engagement Ring?

One of my old friends, Peter mentioned the other day that he got engaged.  He’s 37 and she’s 28.  They met about 4 years ago at a bar when he was somewhat inebriated but immediately hit it off.

Peter isn’t exactly the most studly looking guy standing at 5′ 7″ with a belly hanging over his belt, but he’s kind.  They are two months into their engagement and don’t plan to get married until next summer.  All was going well until one night, Peter’s fiance Nancy inquired about when she could upgrade her engagement ring!

YOUNG EXPECTATIONS

Can you believe it?  After only two months of being engaged, and not even married, Nancy has already asked for an upgrade.  Nancy is 5 feet 2 inches tall with a size 4 wedding finger.  My pinky finger is bigger than that!  Peter got her a beautiful 1.2 carat, princess cut diamond, G color, VS1 clarity with a platinum band.  Cost?  A cool 10 Gs.  Not bad if you ask me, especially on a woman her size where the rock looks closer to 2 carats.

Peter isn’t particularly wealthy, but he is older and owns a nice $850,000 condo in a prime part of San Francisco.  Surprisingly, Peter said he shrugged off her question and responded, “Sure honey, you can have whatever you want!

What a wuss is all I could think.  I punched some sense into Peter and asked what he was smoking.  Peter later mentioned that while he was saying “whatever you want“, he was also thinking “whatever you want in 20 years baby!”  That’s my boy Peter!

I really wonder about this Nancy girl.  She’s not rich herself making roughly $48,000 a year as an aerobics instructor at a private club.  1.2 carats is certainly big enough for almost every single woman I know on the planet.  I just want to tell Peter to dump the girl and get his ring back because any girl this high maintenance and ungrateful so early is sure as hell going to be super high maintenance once she’s married!

CAN LOVE BE CONQUERED?

Peter is in love though, and who am I to judge?  He just laughs me off and makes excuses for Nancy saying she’s young and is just “playing around”.  I’m seeing gigantic warning signs as Peter is still struck by his luck that a pretty 20-something year old would fall for a older guy like him.  Peter thought for sure that he’d always stay single if he didn’t find someone after his 35th birthday.  As a result, Nancy is literally like a gift from the heavens!

Readers, what would you do if you were me?

Am I being overly dramatic for thinking that Nancy is one stuck up, high maintenance woman who is going to ruin Peter’s life down the road?

Is there ever a right time to ask for an engagement ring upgrade?

Regards,

Sam @ Financial Samurai – “Slicing Through Money’s Mysteries”

Sam started Financial Samurai in 2009 during the depths of the financial crisis as a way to make sense of chaos. After 13 years working on Wall Street, Sam decided to retire in 2012 to utilize everything he learned in business school to focus on online entrepreneurship.

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Comments

  1. Paul Williams says

    Wow, that screams “PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!!” to me!!!!!! I hope Peter’s planning on some serious premarital counseling beforehand. If he’s still insistent on moving forward, then maybe he should consider a prenup. I’m not usually a big fan of those, but in this case……….

  2. Craig Gonzales says

    Maybe you are being harsh?

    It seems as if the last four years of their relationship set the tone for her question. Few people are just crazy; is it possible he has set certain financial expectations throughout their relationship?

  3. Everyday Tips says

    Samurai, I want to smack Nancy. 1.2 carats is not enough?? Come on! I have been married almost 20 years now, and I think my ring is only 1/3 of a carat and I couldn’t care less. My husband saved during college to pay for that ring and really worked hard for it. That means a lot more to me than some other replacement stone. Not to mention, Nancy already has a pretty big rock for an already petite hand.

    I sense a post coming…

  4. Elle says

    I hope she’s joking, but she does sound high maintenance. It sounds like your friend is ok with that. As long as he knows, then it’s his call.

  5. Little House says

    I think your friend Peter needs to open his eyes! If she’s already wanting an “upgrade”, who knows what she’ll want next. Maybe his condo won’t be good enough for her; Peter will have to “upgrade” their living situation stat. In the end, who cares about the ring? It’s the relationship that’s much more important. Will theirs last 5, 10, or even 20 years?

  6. Daniel says

    Obviously she’s being a huge b****. I don’t like the idea of upgrading at all (because I think the engagement ring should have sentimental value and changing the ring seems weird to me), but I’m not in that position yet.

    Still, 2 months is way too soon, she needs to relax and enjoy it before asking for something else.

  7. Money Smarts says

    I have to say that this does throw up some warning signs for me. I would highly suggest pre-marital counseling, and at the very least talking about their feelings and expectations when it comes to money, family and other hot button issues – BEFORE getting married. If they don’t, they’re destined to have many issues come up down the line.

    As far as upgrading – when we were married 8 years ago I bought my wife a decent diamond wedding ring for about 2k. She was happy with it, but this year, 8 years into our marrige, I upgraded the ring for her to include the original diamond, but adding new diamonds to the side of it in a new setting. Total cost now – 5k. The difference is that we’ve been married for quite some time now, and the upgrade was more of a celebration of our 8 years married, than a required upgrade just because.

    • Financial Samurai says

      I have NEVER heard of pre-marital counseling. Is that kinda fooked up if you need counseling before marriage? Or maybe it’s actually very very healthy!

      Why upgrade after 8 years and not 5 or 10 years? I like you keeping the original and just adding. That’s nice.

      • Money Smarts says

        You’ve NEVER heard of it? Really? :) It’s very healthy, it allows the couple to talk more in depth about topics they might not otherwise, and which might cause issues.

        As far as why 8 years – i had said 5 years i was going to upgrade the ring, but i kept putting it off. So now here we are at 8 years, and the ring is now upgraded. :)

      • Paul Williams says

        Wow, you’ve really never heard of premarital counseling? Maybe it’s a church thing… Anyway, I think it’s an excellent way to talk through some of the topics you might not typically cover during the dating years. At any rate, it can set up a good foundation for clear and open communication.

      • Amber - Blonde and Balanced says

        Yep, same here – we have to take marriage “classes” to get married in the Catholic church. It is pretty common nowadays and I think it is a good thing.

        P.S. We had to take a test before our class and one of the subjects was personal finance. My fiancé and I got 100% compatibility in personal finance (woot!) and our priest said that most couples score the lowest in that area – WOW!

      • Rob Ward says

        Never heard of pre-marital counseling? I suppose it is more common in religious circles (Catholic, Christian or otherwise) as it were. It was great for us.

        My wife’s ring was 1/10th the cost of Nancy’s ring. A ring at half the cost would be an upgrade! I think I might upgrade for her on one of our anniversaries. But we’ve only been married four years (and still have quite a bit of debt) so it will be a while.

  8. Pineview Style says

    Engagement ring upgrade? That’s a new one for me, although I have heard of buying a ring with cubic zerconia (with the wife’s blessing, of course) and replacing it with a real diamond down the road when the guy has more descretionanry income. Sounds like some 1st world problems to me.

    @Evan…. Haha! That’s pretty harsh, but may be the truth!

  9. Sandy L says

    Wow..I’ve thought about upgrading my setting and am too cheap to do so. I can’t imagine wanting to upgrade a $10K diamond. Her financial IQ ranks as imbecile in my book.

  10. Carrie says

    Weird! How can you possibly think you need an upgrade on a $10,000 ring? If she was serious, he’s in some serious trouble!

  11. NoTrustFund says

    I hate the idea of an engagement ring upgrade. I even hate the idea that you HAVE to spend a certain amount on an engagement ring. When my now-husband and I first went ring shopping I had my heart set on something very non-traditional, and also much less expensive, than the traditional engagement ring route. As a result, when we were in shops salespeople continually said, ‘oh you can always upgrade in a few years’. As a result I could never convince my husband to go the non-traditional route.

    I strongly believe that an engagement ring is a gift and should predominately be the guys decision. It should also be the guys decision as to whether or not the ring is ever upgraded, because it is a gift. For me, I am very sentimental, and never ever want an ‘upgrade’.

  12. Money Reasons says

    My buddy fell into that trap, tell your buddy to run!!!

    Now 10 years later and with 3 kids in tow, his now ex-wife drove them to a debt level of over $70,000. And this was after they declared bankruptcy (TWICE!!!).

    Sometimes the packages with the nicer, prettier, wrapping paper is to hide the crummy content that is inside ;)

  13. Nicole says

    None of your business… and will probably bite you if you try to interfere now. Be there for him during the divorce.

    Somehow I don’t think she’ll go for a pre-nup, even if you get him to suggest one.

    You sure he doesn’t want to find some nice PhD economist? I know a ton in their late 20s to mid-30s who are still single (we spend our young attractive years in graduate school with male economists, who are not generally husband material) and would never act like that. None of them live in SF though– that must be where all the single guys over 30 (who aren’t emotionally messed up) are.

      • Nicole says

        Well, for one thing, they tend to trade in their wives for a newer model once the old one becomes out-dated.

        Many of them also take the self-interested rational actor model a bit too much to heart.

        Some of them are quite nice, but they tend to start in graduate school engaged or married.

        Me, I snagged myself a nice techie long before even thinking about graduate school.

  14. Darwin's Money says

    Advice – run. This woman sounds like a loon. The engagement ring isn’t supposed to be solely a show of wealth (if at all, but let’s be real); it’s supposed to have sentimental value. If my wife lost her ring today, she’d be devastated. It’s insured and I’d buy her one as large or larger. But it’s not the SAME ring I gave her when I proposed.

    People get themselves into some really stupid situations. By your description, my over/under on this guy’s marriage is 2.5 years. Let me know in early 2013 how he’s doing.

  15. Mike Hunt says

    Diamonds are a terrible investment. Supply is controlled via a cartel, if the supply was unregulated, prices would plummet.

    I got my wife a very simple ring when I proposed to her- it was only about $300 or so, we got a nicer engagement ring in Singapore for about $500 that we were both happy with.

    The wedding ring was closer to $1000 but is with white gold and some good looking diamonds.

    The old commercials of 2 months salary for an engagement ring is just plain hogwash. 1/2 a day’s worth of salary should be enough.

    By any chance is Nancy a women of Asian descent?

    -Mike

    • Financial Samurai says

      Donno Mike… if you make $350,000 a year, maybe $500-$1,000 is not enough and she will secretly wish you got her more? I think this would be a fascinating questions to ask women about this scenario.

      Nancy is Caucasian.

  16. Charlie says

    WOW, that is shocking. That sounds like a red flag to me. If someone asked me for an upgrade after proposing 2 months prior I would be 1) horrified 2) hurt 3) angry. As far as whether or not to tell him he should reconsider marrying her I’d have to know more background info as that’s a tough call. If they’d never had any discussions about getting married and what kind of rings she liked before he proposed then I might be able to understand a little about her asking but I highly doubt that’s the case, esp if they’ve been together for 4 years. B/c she’s not making that much money herself and he’s not crazy rich I think her asking him, esp that soon!, is a total slap in the face. I agree with Paul – proceed with caution and get a prenup!

    • Financial Samurai says

      That’s what I was thinking. If my wife asked me for an upgrade within the first say…. 5 years minimum, if not 10 years…. I would be really sad :( It’s the thought and process of getting the ring that counts. It’s the one and only ring that was used in the wedding and during the proposal! No rock can beat it!

  17. youngandthrifty says

    Wow- asking for an upgrade? She sounds really high maintenance. That’s pretty good pay for an aerobics instructor- but I guess it is at a private club. I guess as long as they are both happy… (your friend Peter seems super happy to have eye candy hanging off his arm)

    I have an acquaintance who bought his high maintenance FIRST girlfriend (ever) and fiance a $35K ring. Yes, you read that right.

    Yowza!! Talk about high maintenance. You can buy a nice fully loaded car for that amount!!

      • smart money says

        10k on a ring isn’t generous(it’s not that bad either)but if he’s in his late 30s with that level of income, it probably didn’t feel satisfactory for her. He probably should have spent about 20k imo. But for her to ask for an upgrade, that’s pretty rude and inconsiderate. What happened to romance….
        The amount you spend on a ring really depends on your age, your income, your asset balance and the size+quality of the rings paraded by the ladies in your social circle. Imagine Donald Trump buying Melania Knauss a $10k ring…would Melania be happy? Not when he has that level of wealth/income and the social circle they hang around has women wearing $200k plus type of rings.

  18. Investor Junkie says

    Diamonds aren’t investments, and aren’t worth anything. Diamonds are the biggest scam ever! Maybe she needs to be educated on that. I would buy my wife an expensive watch, or gold something before a bigger ring. They have much more value than some dumb rock.

    I gave my wife her grandma’s wedding ring, which meant much more than a $10k+ ring.

  19. Anonymous Coward says

    the woman by asking for a ring upgrade is just testing the guy, checking his mojo. To pass the test, he need not take her seriously. He can agree, but then ignore the request, agree to get her a 10 carat diamond as soon as they go on sale at Walmart, or say something to the effect that she better work and save to get whatever her girly heart desires. It should be something that involve some humor, rather than a rational justification.

  20. chubbuni13 says

    Married for a year and I’m changing my wife’s rings out already… to be fair, I had a family friend who’s a long-time jeweler make the rings but according to mi corazon, he did not do a very good job with the craftsmanship. Thankfully, she’s happy with the 1.3 carat diamond that came with the band, so I’m safe on that front.

    Still, I’m glad I didn’t marry a Korean American… all of the ones I know expect at least a 2 carat rock in a Tiffany or Neil Lane setting.

  21. Miss T @ Prairie EcoThrifter says

    I have never heard of an engagement ring upgrade. The thought wouldn’t even have occured to me. When my husband and I went looking for rings, I had a few preferences but the most important thing to me was what it meant, not the size. Plus changing the ring would ruin it’s sentimentality.

    When it comes to your friend, he has been with her for four years and I would think this is not the first time she has requested additional luxury. You would think he would know what she is like and what he is getting into but I have been love struck myself before and not always paid attention to the “whole person”. I have found I have made excuses and in the end been uphappy and we have broken up. I think that this should be a warning sign to your friend that his girlfriend may be marrying him for his money and not for the right reasons. However, she could just be really into the “glamourous” look and love him dearly.

    So you don’t ruin your friendship, I would approach this cautiously with probing questions so you don’t offend him. The last thing you want is a problem between the two of you. Try to suggest some things subtly like readdressing the upgrade thing with his fiance. Maybe she will be ok without one. Maybe he can explain to her that the money would be better spent on other parts of their future.

  22. Mysti says

    I think the idea behind an “upgrade” stems from years ago when a man would buy his intended a small ring because that was all he could afford, and years later when financially they were more secure, he would upgrade the ring. The idea was that after years together, she will finally get what she is “worth.”

    But initial rings now are much larger and higher quality. And to go into a marriage with the idea that you will AUTOMATICALLY get another ring is absurd.

    I got my ring almost 14 years ago. It is .76 carats, has 2 carbon spots, and is a lower level color and clarity. We have talked about renewing our vows, and I would like to get an anniversary band (which now seems to be what many women wear as their primary wedding band). And the one I would like is about 1 carat (maybe 1.5 if we could swing it). But this will probably be closer to our 15th wedding anniversary in 2013.

  23. Mich@BeatingTheIndex says

    What a waste of money these expensive rings are! Use the money to buy urself some dividend paying stocks instead of a ring that will end up sitting in the bank’s safe.

    On the other hand, your friend is blinded by love, good luck talking sense into him!

      • Mich@BeatingTheIndex says

        I can’t disagree with you there Amber, that’s why i said “expensive rings” since like you said in the end it symbolizes a life commitment.

        In my case, me and my wife no longer wear any rings, and i am glad we didn’t pay more than 500$ for them since u know where they’re sitting now. life-time commitment is more than rings on a finger.

  24. Red says

    My husband gave me a .5 carat diamond ring, and I am in love with it. I would never even think of replacing it, no matter how long we’re together. He saved up cash for my ring, and for that reason, it is very important to me. Thirty years from now, I want to be wearing this same diamond!

    Don’t try to talk sense into him. It won’t do any good, and if they’ve been together for four years, he probably knows what she’s like. Plus, his saying that she wouldn’t get an upgrade for 10 years shows that he’s not blindly following her around like a lovesick puppy. I think you need to let him make his own mistake. And who knows? Maybe getting taken advantage of financially is a worthy trade for having a hot aerobics instructor on his arm. If that’s the case, that’s his business.

    Related story, Mr. Red gave me a necklace for Christmas, and the chain broke. He wanted to take it in for a new chain, claiming that if they repaired it it would be a weaker chain. I refused. I didn’t want some replacement chain. I wanted the exact one I unwrapped for Christmas, the one that he picked out. I can’t imagine the kind of woman who would demand a replacement ring – especially for a $10,000 diamond! I think I read that Peter makes $350,000 a year in one of your comments? I can understand someone feeling like they weren’t worth as much to a person if her guy spent an insignificant amount (to him, anyway) on a very important ring.

  25. An Anonymous Coward says

    He needs to break off the engagement immediately, and ask for the ring back. My bet is she won’t give it to him, at which point he is out 10K. This is a ***bargain*** to not get married to the wrong woman. (Trust me, I know)

    If she does give it back, and is apologetic, and says the right things, then they can start down that road again.

    If he does decide to go through with it with this girl, he definitely needs a pre-nup.

  26. Amber - Blonde and Balanced says

    First of all, Nancy gives woman a BAD reputation. I can’t belive she is even asking for an upgrade, not to mention this fast. I got engaged about 3 months ago and from the moment I laid eyes on the ring that my fiancé had spent so much time, effort, and money on, I was in love with it! The ring is so perfect because he put so much thought into it and it was an unconditionally selfless gift to me because we love one another.

    So, no, there is never a time to upgrade. My ring means so much to me and I could care less what the size of it is – it has so much more meaning than the way it looks.

    I have to agree – Peter should run, and run fast!

  27. Kristine says

    I think it’s good that you expressed your caution as to why this girl is asking for an upgrade so early in the engagement! Shoot, I think many people are agreeing with you Sam!

    The sad thing is is that Peter is in love and if he thinks that Nancy is a gift sent down from heaven, I doubt he’ll really see this as a flaw. Maybe his desire to be married weighs more than upgrading her engagement ring. That’s the life he wants…maybe not so much for someone else, but for him…yeah, it’s ok to ask for an engagement ring upgrade.

  28. Barb Friedberg says

    OMG-This one is right up my alley. FS, I am sooooo with you on this one. Dump the woman now while you still can-unless you value a greedy me me me me wife, and if so, then by all means keep her!

  29. Doctor S says

    Wow. Only 2 months in eh? Sounds like a stretch to me. I would wait at least 10 years before even considering an upgrade. At least wait to reach the wedding altar before requesting an upgrade!!! Something smells fishy about this lady if you ask me. Like the first commenter said “PROCEED WITH CAUTION”.

  30. savvysavingbytes says

    I see TWO red flags waving here. First is little Miss Gold-digger on the make for a bigger rock. Second is your friend, who said one thing in answer to her update question, replying that she could have anything she wanted, but instead was thinking another — that there was no way she was getting that rock before 20 years. So if they tie the knot, the harping on a bigger ring will start right away and if he thinks he can handle that kind pressure for 20 years it doesn’t sound like a heck of a lot of fun and games to me. Then again in an odd way they may be made for each other. She’s greedy and he’s not truthful.

  31. Jeremy Johnson says

    What would you do if you were me?

    –> Hmm, that’s a toughie. Peter’s probably getting some things in his life right now that it might be worth paying the $$$ for. So if he gets some needs satisfied and can afford it, more power to him. At the same time though, you should make him aware that a girl asking for an upgrade for a ring might not last. But wait until the honeymoon is over at least to do that :)

    Am I being overly dramatic for thinking that Nancy is one stuck up, high maintenance woman who is going to ruin Peter’s life down the road?

    –> Yes and no. No because she is asking for an upgrade to a ring and they’ve just been engaged. That’s a warning signal. But on the other hand yes, because how many chances at love (and lust) do certain guys get in their life? It might just be worth more than the right and then some to Peter.

    Is there ever a right time to ask for an engagement ring upgrade?

    Of course there is. If you’re a hot powerful babe and you know you can get it, more power to you. And the guy your with is going to get his $$$ worth, so it’s a fair trade. On the other hand, the rational side of me says no way. It’s just a dumb rock. Think of the computer upgrades you could by with 10K in cash.

  32. Dee Miller says

    We should all mind our own business. Anyway, marrying for money and material things is not easy on a day to day (night to night?) basis. Nancy deserves everything she can get from a dope buying a pretty woman who probably wouldn’t give him the time of day otherwise. Apparently Peter is marrying for ‘love’ so he is spending his money to get what he wants.

  33. Kay Lynn says

    She sounds pretty superficial. My engagement ring is 1/2 carat and although wouldn’t mind having 1 carat, it really doesn’t matter enough to me to upgrade it…ever.

  34. Forest says

    I really hope for his sake she is playing around! He may end up old, single and broke unless he grows a backbone….. $10g on a ring, man that could buy so much more. Could go in a trust fund for a kids college, buy a hospital in a poor village in Africa…. She should be more than thankful!

    • Financial Samurai says

      Indeed, we should all be a little more thankful. Everytime I’m starving, I think about who is REALLY starving in the world, and shut the hell up in my mind and never utter a word. I stopped complaining about anything openly once 911 hit either. Let’s be strong.

  35. Squirrelers says

    Sam –

    First of all, I cringe at 37 being “older”, as I’m knocking on the doorstep of 40:)

    Ok, but beyond that, I think your friend is not thinking clearly at all – based on how you describe the situation. He seems to lack confidence in his ability to meet a nice girl.

    This girl seems materialistic, and perhaps views him as an ATM? If not, she sure seems high-maintenance.

    Frankly, the honest advice, based on what you’re sharing, would be for this guy to walk away now. Not walk, actually, but RUN. Run for the hills, up north in Marin county:)

    Might be harsh, but I think your friend is smitten and doesn’t see these warning signs in front of him. She won’t get any less high maintenance; there will be higher expectations down the road. Get out now, to protect himself. Let her find someone else to extract from.

  36. Sammy says

    Alright I understand how everyone can be freaking out calling her names and saying it’s a red flag, but really I don’t think it is. To start off with 1.2 carats is small, my bf got me a 1 carat diamond promise ring with side stones (not sure the carat sizes) because we can’t get married right now and I wear it like an engagement ring. Also, he got me that ring right now and he doesn’t even earn that much (he’s a soldier) which goes to show a guy doesn’t have to bring us the biggest rock, but it is nice to see them try and give you the best that they can. In a way, your friend did fail her by not showing her he was trying.

    Anyways, the point is this, whether you want to admit or not your friend was a bit wrong, he should have noted what she would have liked (asking casually) and if he does think she’s too high maintenance for him then he should leave or stay and not critics her for this. Remember she’s wearing this everyday and call it shallow or whatever you do have days when you want to have something amazing. For her it might be the engagement ring she’ll have for the rest of her life and pass it on.

    That’s my take and I’m only giving my opinion like this because my bf’s friends think it was insane of him to do so, while I think it’s sweet (I’m not high maintenance and as long he knows it, it’s all good), but go ahead and judge.

    • Lisa says

      they say the average diamond size is a 1 carat, most people do not get over a carat diamond ring…. Where do you live that you think it is small and just used as a promise ring. Are you sure that the ring you have is not 1 carat total weight?

      • Sammy says

        Yes I’m sure the centre stone is 1 carat as for the side stones, I’m not sure. I live in Canada, but really it’s not so much about where you live, it’s about your personal style. If you like big diamonds then there’s nothing wrong with that – screw the average.

  37. Lisa says

    This summer I will be married for 5 years. I got a 1 carat ring and honestly I know that at times I can be materialistic so I do/did want a bigger ring. however I would never want to invest the money in a bigger diamond. I feel that there are better ways to spend the money and a 1 carat is a decent size. I am also not a petite girl, I am 5’6 and my ring size is a 7, so the 1 carat does not look as big as it does on Nancy’s hand.

    I did talk to my husband about possibly upgrading with an Asha diamond. I figured that a 2 carat is under 400, plus whatever it would cost to set it. No one would know the difference but it would give me the bigger ring I want, with out the high cost.

    I know it is mean, but your friend could always switch out her stone for an Asha stone and the upgrade would be cheap and she would be happy

  38. funkymonkey says

    So did they end up getting married and if so, how’s it going? Is she happy with her ring now, or did they end up talking more about needing an upgrade? She does sound a little unreasonable to me in the price aspect of the situation. And your friend is right, for an upgrade that expensive … it should be a waysss down the road, to even consider.

    I have been with my high school sweetheart since 2000. We have always been very open about what we want in life and knew we wanted to be secure and didn’t want getting married to ever put us into debt. That being said, we got engaged at the beginning of 2010 and had a nice but small and intimate wedding later that same year. Because we didn’t want to go into debt, I specifically asked my husband when it was time, to get me something “smaller” and we then later down the road would either upgrade or replace the stones from my current ring into another setting. My engagement ring was a 3/8 center stone and 5/8 total. It is a beautiful cathedral setting, which I think makes it look bigger than it actually is because the center stone is raised. I love it… but I think I would like something a little bigger and nicer down the road. I don’t think upgrading takes away from how special my first ring is, it’s just more of a symbol of our ever growing love. I don’t want to upgrade though until our 10 year anniversary, assuming we are in a position financially at that point to do so. !0 years would be a great milestone to celebrate. It shouldn’t break the bank or be a huge burden based on what a families income is. I think it’s fine to discuss ahead of time, if that is something she will wishes for later down the road and they live that kind of life style where 10G+ isn’t that big of a deal to them. My husband and I had a clear plan, but then again … my ring was $2800 originally … and ended up being on clearance when we were looking because they were discontinuing the line so he got it for $780. It might seem cheap, but we just lucked out and wanted to be smart about money. I don’t feel like I am embarrassed of a “cheaper” ring – no one would really even know, and to me, it is just as nice as some other rings people show off. Everyone has a different perception of what is nice and will make them happy though. :) It just needs to be agreed upon, ahead of time.

  39. Sheila says

    @ Red
    My husband gave me a .5 diamond thirty years ago and I have a plain gold wedding band. I would never change my wedding band, but would like a quality 1-1.5 diamond ring. He thinks 10-15 thousand dollars is too much to spend for a ring. Our mortgage will be paid off in a few years, our kids colleges are almost paid for, and I work. I live frugally but this is something I have always wanted. He is making me feel selfish.
    Am I?

  40. Julie says

    No, sheila, after 30 years it is not unreasonable to ask for an upgrade. Especially as most of your financial obligations are already paid for. I hope you get your ring!

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