​

Financial Samurai

Slicing Through Money's Mysteries

  • About
  • Invest In Real Estate
  • Top Financial Products
    • Free Wealth Management
    • Negotiate A Severance
  • Buy This, Not That (Bestseller)

Feeling Down And Out In This Perfect World

Updated: 09/06/2022 by Financial Samurai 192 Comments

Frowning French Bulldog On A Leash

You can’t deny how someone feels. They just do and you’ve got to accept it. Maybe the color blue looks different between two people. We’ll never know because we can only know ourselves.

I started this site as a way to deal with the agony of the financial meltdown in 2008-2009. I needed to find a way to let the pain escape in a healthy way. Drugs and booze were not an option although tempting they were.

This site has always been about introspection. To understand why we think the way we think. To understand our inconsistencies. Finally, to talk about issues that are on so many people’s minds but cannot be publicly discussed due to fear of persecution.

Since my very first post in 2009 I’ve been able to reconcile the stupidity of my multitude of financial mistakes. I’ve met many friends online who are also on uncertain paths to financial independence. We’ve shared victories and defeats.

But I thought there would be more people like me who fear being alone, going broke, or being a failure to our family. Lately, I feel like I’m the only loser around.

A PERFECT WORLD FULL OF PERFECT PEOPLE

It’s never easy to open up about mistakes and insecurities. Yet, that’s exactly what I’ve done in posts such as, “Real Estate Mistakes To Avoid,” “Dealing With The Fear Of Being Alone Forever,” and “How Amazing Is Your Fabulous Life?“. I thought I’d feel a little better about exposing some failures full on and I slightly do. But as I read and responded to the comments, I realized I was basically the only one who lost hundreds of thousands of dollars in real estate, who fears dying alone, and who has a case of FOMO.

Nobody commented in a particularly negative manner. Instead, it was more, “Thank goodness I didn’t buy a second property!” or “I’m so happy to come home to a loving wife,” or “FOMO? Really? That’s pretty ridiculous if you ask me.” Each comment reaffirmed that I was the only sucker to experience such things.

Keeping Things real

One of my goals for writing about my mistakes and worries is to let readers know there’s a real person behind the writing, not some financial wizard who never steps into a hole and twists his ankle.

Personal finance is such an unpredictable journey that if you travel long enough, bad things will happen. I thought if I could share my bends and turns, you’d not only feel better about yourself but also become more encouraged with never giving up. Maybe it’s not working or maybe it’s working a little too well.

Failure to properly convey a message online is frustrating. I enjoy crafting stories around a topic so that maybe readers can better imagine a scenario that will promote dynamic discussion. My goal is to always try and put myself in someone else’s shoes so we can better understand their situation.

To be told my ideals are “different,” with the insinuation they are inferior is disappointing. I need to constantly remind myself not everybody is as open minded or has seen the world or speaks another language.

I FEEL STUPID FOR CARING SO MUCH

Those who care the most are probably the weakest link. If I didn’t care so much about my company, I wouldn’t have stayed for 11 consecutive years. I would have hit one of many multiple bids from competing firms looking to hire me for more money instead.

I also felt it a duty to train up my junior hire so that he could be self-sufficient in running the business before I left. The decision cost me around $300,000-$500,000 in lost income over two years.

Lesson learned: Loyalty is overrated. Do what’s best for you.

In the blogging world, I’m probably the only blogger my size who actively comments on other sites because I remember the loneliness of first starting out and the joy of having someone leave a note. The positive comments are what kept me going in the very beginning.

Now I’m thinking it’s probably best to conserve my energy to prevent burnout as things are getting unwieldy. I still have a habit of responding to the vast majority of comments on Financial Samurai, but I should probably learn to be more indifferent.

Lesson learned: Write more boring, neutral posts which produce less commentary.

What a fool I am for spending hours writing posts on touchy topics that are specifically requested by readers who are too shy to ask friends or family for help. I do all the work and get all the flack while the inquirer gets to sit back and take in all the helpful information. No more.

If you’ve got a particular problem that’s not mainstream, I want you to sit down in front of a computer, spend at least three hours crafting a structurally sound 1,500 word article and send me a copy. I’ll give you some editorial pointers and will publish your post. But you’ve got to do most of the work so you know how it feels.

Lesson learned: Encourage readers to do the work if they want to hear answers to their concerns. This way, more readers will realize how difficult it is to write a post and receive criticism from people who don’t share their own story.

I write about relationships all the time because I want to be a better boyfriend, husband, son and father. By trying to write from different viewpoints I hope to better understand when conflict inevitably arises. I’m well aware about how hard it is to maintain a long-term harmonious relationship given the difficulties I see with close family and friends.

Everybody knows someone who seemed to have the perfect marriage but decided to split. I’m optimistic that relationships can be improved through hard work, no matter how much flack I get from my writing. Truly, the source of all stress is giving a giant crap.

Lesson learned: Putting yourself out there hurts. I’ve got to better weigh the rewards of understanding others with the pain of getting stomped on.

Finally, just a couple weeks ago a buddy of mine was turning the big 3-0. I promised him a week before his birthday that I’d take him out for drinks to celebrate. He enthusiastically said yes.

About three days before his birthday he started getting wishy washy about celebrating. I could sense he was going to flake so I made other plans. It turns out he made plans with some other friends and didn’t even mention it until the next day. Thanks a lot for agreeing to hang when you had no plans but pushing me aside once new plans were made.

Lesson learned: Be more selfish with my time. Focus on friendships where there is reciprocity and dump the rest.

TIME FOR A CHANGE AND A BREAK

In a 50 minute podcast interview I did the other week about the reasons for starting this site and the trends of online publishing, I told Spencer the host I wanted to do more of the things that made me happy (write). In addition, I shared I wanted to do less of the things that no longer made me proud (working in finance) when I was deciding on engineering my layoff.

I’ve decided to do the same thing with my writing by gradually taking away some personality and candor. Being open hurts. You just get constantly hammered by an unrelenting crowd who takes pleasure in mishap.

But I must say that often times I’m overfilled with joy by the internet world. The wonderful feedback from readers on my post, “My Fear Of Being A Father” makes everything worthwhile again. I also received several private e-mails from fathers who feel the same way and we were able to talk things out.

Finally, there are people out there who have admitted to suffering financial hardship like reader JayCeezy who wrote, “How To Lose A Million Dollars And Live To See Another Day.” If only I could figure out a way to consistently write more such posts to engender such terrific responses and find more readers to open up about their imperfect lives.

Neutralizing The Soul Of Writing

The biggest personal finance blogs in the world  – some of which have sold for millions of dollars – are expertly neutral in their writing. They don’t delve into taboo or more controversial topics out of fear of offending anybody. The big guys deftly hire multiple writers who report the news, write plenty of products reviews and talk about subjects that belies their experience. And guess what? Readers love it otherwise how could they grow so large? Building a content business is all about plain vanilla.

All the biggest sites also focus on frugality instead of ways to make more money through investments and alternative means. The reason is because writing about making money is much harder than writing about saving.

From a reader’s perspective, it’s also much easier to follow money saving instructions instead of doing research on real estate or stocks. It’s a match made in heaven which I’m being encouraged to pursue. One fellow blogger writes about a minimalist lifestyle living off less than $30,000 a year with a family while earning multiple six figures a year. The business model is brilliant.

Don’t Want To Change My Writing Style

It’s a little sad for me to change the style of my posts because it’s been so fun to read all the various responses. But I’m not stubborn. I’m a realist who is acting rationally. Vanilla is what is demanded of readers who feel slapped in the face by what I write.

I also don’t want to feel bad about my writing any more so I plan to slowly remove myself out of the equation. For all of you who’ve been privately asking me difficult questions, I’m sorry but the public has spoken. We cannot talk about things such as finding a rich husband. As one commenter said, I lose credibility when I write about anything other than personal finance because I should have no other interests or concerns in life.

Time For A Break

I’ve decided to take another 10 days off and won’t be back until the end of the month. I will think short and soft about the new direction I want to take with Financial Samurai. Maybe I’ll even cure some FOMO given there will be no wi-fi out at sea thank goodness. I will meditate on whether the vocal minority is striking and should be ignored or whether I need to drastically change directions to ensure the growth and survival of this site.

I’m looking forward to this potential new phase of Financial Samurai. Don’t worry, I’ve got at least 15 previously written posts and guest posts to go through before any significant changes take affect. Maybe by that time I’ll have regenerated my thick skin to take on the body blows once again. Or maybe new readers might change my mind. Here’s to feeling up and in again!

Regards,

Sam

Feeling Down And Out Updates

Update 2019: I lasted for another 6 years since writing this post, but am once again fading fast as I’m now a dad to a two year old lovely boy. He is the most wonderful person ever, but boy does he take a lot of time and energy to take care of. Because of my boy, I’ve decided to keep Financial Samurai going for another 20 years until 2039. Financial Samurai will be a career insurance policy for my son just in case he gets rejected everywhere and can’t find something he loves to do.

My goal of achieving $200,000 a year in passive income has been hit.

Update 2022: I wrote this post back in 2013, almost 10 years ago. And since then, so much has gone on. One thing I’m really proud of is publishing a Wall Street Journal bestseller called, Buy This, Not That. It took two years to write. But just a week after making the bestseller list, I felt this emptiness inside very similar to when I first wrote this post.

What I’ve learned over the years is that putting yourself out there and trying really hard can often hurt. But we do it anyway because we feel a great need to do something meaningful and help other people. I just want to remind everyone not to let your critics defeat you. Keep going no matter what! Eventually, good things will happen.

Tweet
Share
Pin
Flip
Share
Buy this not that instant bestseller Wall Street journal banner

Filed Under: Motivation

Author Bio: I started Financial Samurai in 2009 to help people achieve financial freedom sooner. Financial Samurai is now one of the largest independently run personal finance sites with about one million visitors a month.

I spent 13 years working at Goldman Sachs and Credit Suisse. In 1999, I earned my BA from William & Mary and in 2006, I received my MBA from UC Berkeley.

In 2012, I left banking after negotiating a severance package worth over five years of living expenses. Today, I enjoy being a stay-at-home dad to two young children, playing tennis, and writing.

Order a hardcopy of my new WSJ bestselling book, Buy This, Not That: How To Spend Your Way To Wealth And Freedom. Not only will you build more wealth by reading my book, you’ll also make better choices when faced with some of life’s biggest decisions.

Current Recommendations:

1) Check out Fundrise, my favorite real estate investing platform. I’ve personally invested $810,000 in private real estate to take advantage of lower valuations and higher cap rates in the Sunbelt. Roughly $160,000 of my annual passive income comes from real estate. And passive income is the key to being free.

2) If you have debt and/or children, life insurance is a must. PolicyGenius is the easiest way to find affordable life insurance in minutes. My wife was able to double her life insurance coverage for less with PolicyGenius. I also just got a new affordable 20-year term policy with them.

Subscribe To Private Newsletter

Comments

  1. Denise says

    December 12, 2014 at 1:56 pm

    One perspective no one has mentioned yet is also the value of your minority voice. As an Asian female about your age who’s been raised by immigrants, I’ve been looking for a voice like yours in the PF space. So far they’re mostly white males, and while finance is finance so who cares who writes it, sometimes you need a voice you can relate to. Frugality looks different across different cultures. Sacrifice too. Your filial piety, conservative financial views, and aggressive anti-racism personally resonate with me.

    My income has ranged from $22-60k/yr, so I would argue that your blog appeals to a wider range of incomes by speaking to a value system rarely heard of outside of minority groups. Putting your vulnerabilities out there is definitely risky, because when people see a big soft underbelly, it’s tempting to punch it. It is a courageous thing to do and it helps me understand my brother better. I do understand how exhausting it can be to go on emotional roller coasters that inconsiderate people put you on, so I hope you do lots of self-care!

    Reply
    • Financial Samurai says

      December 12, 2014 at 3:01 pm

      Hi Denise,

      Great to hear from you. It’s interesting because to gain the biggest audience, one should write for the biggest demographic. So if I was narrowed down to the Asian American group, I’d only capture 5% of the US population, even though there are well over a billion Asian people in the world.

      I enjoy reading different perspectives from all people. This is what makes the internet fun.

      Thanks for reading!

      Sam

      Reply
  2. EarlyRetirementGuy says

    August 22, 2014 at 4:49 am

    I know it’s an old post but seeing you link back to it today reminded me.

    ‘In the blogging world, I’m probably the only blogger my size who actively comments on other sites because I remember the loneliness of first starting out and the joy of having someone leave a note.’

    ^^ I couldn’t agree more with this. Having just started a couple of months ago, it really inspires me to continue when far more experienced writers take the time to read and comment on some of the random thoughts going around my head. I hope you don’t burn out and do continue to interact with the smaller bloggers just starting out there.

    Reply
  3. Dana says

    June 7, 2014 at 6:16 pm

    Hi Sam,

    I lost finances, house etc…in the 2008/2009 financial meltdown. I have learned a lot since then and I am striving to make better decisions and avoid potential pitfalls as I never want to relive those years again. It’s good to know that I am not alone in my struggle for obtaining financial freedom. As far as the question posed about whether you should continue blogging, do what you do knowing that everyone may not be receptive of your message but there are some (like myself) who are open minded to learning new things. Please continue your blogging and thank you for sharing what you’ve learned along the way.

    Reply
    • Financial Samurai says

      June 8, 2014 at 6:59 am

      Dana,

      I’m sorry to hear about the losses. I do hope we are not getting into an irrational state again with many parts of the country showing crazy lift offs in housing prices

      See: Zillow Is Broken Or We’re In A Housing Bubble

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts and I hope you continue to recovery and regain your financial health!

      Sam

      Reply
  4. Susan Lundal says

    May 21, 2014 at 11:26 am

    Just found your blog and am enjoying it!

    Reply
  5. Dane says

    May 6, 2014 at 9:24 am

    This year, after saving and contributing, I took it upon myself to manage my own retirement savings. Your site has been, by far, the most interesting and informative. I rarely, almost never, reply to posts as I like to read and peruse what others are willing to put out there. In most cases, I lose interest. So far, I like what I see. I hope the new year bought a new layer of skin.
    Do what you do for yourself, not for the validation that is unlikely to come from an internet of voyeurs. Looking forward to keeping on reading what you got.

    Reply
    • Financial Samurai says

      May 6, 2014 at 9:32 am

      Thanks. I really enjoy extreme comments. How else could I have produced this post?

      I agree that it’s great to kick back and read other people’s stuff if it is entertaining. The only problem is, someone has actually got to spend the time to write it. We can’t all kick back!

      But, it would be great to kick back and get showered with accolades and hundred dollar bills from the sky too. Go USA!

      Reply
  6. Dan says

    March 15, 2014 at 6:10 am

    The thing that keeps me reading your blog and others is the personal side to your articles. Otherwise all blogs would be repeating the same financial formulas that are already out there. A lot of blogs do this..

    Reply
  7. Last Twenty Dollars says

    October 12, 2013 at 10:19 am

    I’ve been reading your site for about a month now and have learned a lot from it. I like the personal stories and opinions (even if I don’t agree with all of them). I think it’s what makes your site unique and keeps me coming back. I’ve found that other PF blogs I’ve read run out of steam when life events take over (getting married, having kids). I hope that doesn’t happen to you. I find your direct honesty about how you view things appealing. And if I don’t agree with what you say then we just disagree. That’s all.

    Reply
« Older Comments

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


n
n

Top Product Reviews

  • Fundrise review (real estate investing)
  • Policygenius review (life insurance)
  • CIT Bank review (high interest savings and CDs)
  • NewRetirement review (retirement planning)
  • Personal Capital review (free financial tools and wealth manager)
  • How To Engineer Your Layoff (severance negotiation book)

Financial Samurai Featured In

Buy this not that Wall Street journal bestseller

Categories

  • Automobiles
  • Big Government
  • Budgeting & Savings
  • Career & Employment
  • Credit Cards
  • Credit Score
  • Debt
  • Education
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Family Finances
  • Gig Economy
  • Health & Fitness
  • Insurance
  • Investments
  • Mortgages
  • Most Popular
  • Motivation
  • Podcast
  • Product Reviews
  • Real Estate
  • Relationships
  • Retirement
  • San Francisco
  • Taxes
  • Travel
Buy this not that WSJ bestseller 728
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • RSS
  • Twitter
Copyright © 2009–2023 Financial Samurai · Read our disclosures

PRIVACY: We will never disclose or sell your email address or any of your data from this site. We do highly welcome posts and community interaction, and registering is simply part of the posting system.
DISCLAIMER: Financial Samurai exists to thought provoke and learn from the community. Your decisions are yours alone and we are in no way responsible for your actions. Stay on the righteous path and think long and hard before making any financial transaction! Disclosures