Are you finding yourself stressed out more often? Are you feeling burned out after the pandemic? If so, you’ll be interested in knowing the source of all stress in life is giving a giant crap.
The less you can give a crap about things, the less stressed you will be and vice versa!
Let’s talk about how we can better minimize guilt and reduce stress so we can live happier. At the end of the day, we all want to do more of what we want and be beholden to anybody.
Giving A Crap Causes A Lot Of Stress
The reason why I got my first speeding ticket going 35 mph in a 25 mph zone was not due to racial profiling, car profiling, or any other type of profiling one likes to conjure up when one gets caught.
I got snagged because I was in a hurry to be on time for my doubles tennis match at 6:30pm. I absolutely hate making others wait for me. It’s disrespectful.
If I didn’t care about being 10 minutes late, I wouldn’t have gone 10 miles over the speed limit. I would have taken my sweet sugar time. Maybe I would have pulled over to take some pictures of people’s flower gardens as every other car whizzed by me going at least 35 mph.
I’m not bitter, no sir, no ma’am. I mean, of course I was speeding even though it’s impossible to move faster than a pregnant turtle during rush hour traffic in San Francisco.
I’ve accepted the fact that because I gave a crap about people’s time, I broke the law.
Giving A Crap Is A Reason For All Your Stress And Misery
The people who constantly give a crap also feel the most guilt. They are likely some of the most stressed out people you’ll ever meet.
They might be wonderful human beings, but gosh darnit, they’ll make you stressed out just being with them!
A certain amount of stress is good because it helps motivate you to do good work. If you absolutely didn’t give a crap, you probably wouldn’t bother studying in school, finishing your term papers, coming into work on time, and worrying how some totally idiotic co-worker gets paid more than you!
Let’s highlight some common examples in life where giving a crap jacks you up!
Why You’re Stressed Out At Work
Most people must work for a living. Sad truth. I know. Most people also want money, fancy titles, status, and recognition for their work. As a result, people regularly bust their asses coming in early, leaving late, and sucking up to their bosses.
Working long hours hurts your social life. Sucking up to your boss who ends up not promoting you will destroy your ego. But, let’s say you didn’t give a crap at work.
Boss: Hi Johnny, can you finish your competitive analysis presentation and send me a draft by the end of the week?
You: Hi Jill, nah, I can’t. I’ve got to go to Vegas with the boys for a bachelor party, baby! I’m calling in sick on a Friday so I can get an extra day of fun. Gotta go early to prep, you know what I’m saying?
Boss: OK Johnny, stay safe, and wear protection you ungrateful bastard!
Jill is baffled by Johnny’s defiance. John is also a quiet quitter who does enough, but not more to get ahead.
Johnny is definitely not getting a promotion or a raise come year end. But Johnny doesn’t give a crap! He’s going to have the time of his life that weekend. Besides, he’s got help from his parents. Work to live right?
Why Your Friends Are Stressing You Out
Do you know we change friends every seven years? It’s the same cadence with homeownership, strange enough! Our friends come and go, but we last forever, until we die!
Lucy: Hi Patricia, can you do me a big favor and watch my French Bulldog and five year old son this weekend? Jimmy and I haven’t gone on a vacation in years! If we don’t go, I fear our marriage is going to fall apart. We’re too stressed out!
Patricia: I’d love to Lucy! But, I’ve got yoga classes in the morning and massages in the afternoon. I’m sure you understand.
Lucy is obviously disappointed by Patricia’s lack of wanting to be the pooper scooper for two living beings. Patricia clearly doesn’t give a crap about Lucy and Jimmy’s marriage or friendship.
Patricia is still trying to find a man of her own, so why the hell would she want to give up a valuable man-hunting weekend to take care of Lucy’s joy? Hell no! Everything is rational.
Why Your Family Is Causing You Stress
The larger the family, the larger the chaos! Let’s talk about one important duty every child should face: taking care of their parents when they can no longer take care of themselves.
Dad: Dear daughter, I love you very much. When I can no longer walk on my own, can you live closer to me and help me out? I’d love to see you more as well.
Janet: Hi Dad, I love you too! But I just hate living in Florida. It’s too hot and muggy for eight months of the year. I’ve got a career to develop you know? Besides, I’ve got all I can handle with my own family right now. Have Peter (brother) relocate to be closer to you. You guys always got a long better anyway.
Despite the father raising Janet for 18 years and paying for her private undergrad and graduate school tuition, Janet doesn’t give a crap!
She’s got enough problems of her own, and her father is not a priority concern. By not believing she should help out her parents, Janet lives a less stressful life.
I’ve personally felt a little more stressed lately because I’m in charge of investing our family’s money. The bear market in 2022 made investing no fun. Now I’ve got to figure out how to invest my children’s 529 plans and manage my parent’s financial contributions.
If only I didn’t care about returns! I wouldn’t be as stressed.
Why The Poor Stress You Out
Even in a nation as rich as ours, there are hundreds of thousands of homeless people who beg and sleep on the streets every day.
Homeless person on the sidewalk: Hi Mr! Can you spare some change?
Busy professional walking to Chipotle for lunch: No acknowledgement. Eye contact avoided. Headset rocking to the latest tune.
How many of us have experienced this situation? How many of us don’t give a crap enough to spare a quarter to help someone in need gather $1 to buy a McDonald’s cheeseburger? We ignore the suffering all around us in order to make ourselves feel better.
One of the reasons why I wrote my Wall Street Journal bestseller, Buy This, Not That, is to narrow the wealth gap. We all should be able to benefit from a prosperous economy, not just the very rich.
The good thing is Americans can save more money if we want to. How else could the American saving rate shoot up from under 8% to 33% in one month? Americans decided to rationally save more in April 2020 due to a rise in anxiety and uncertainty.
Giving A Crap About Equality
The majority will always win in a fight and in legislation. If you are in the minority, you are screwed. So long as you are benefitting, you don’t give a crap about how other people are being affected.
Working class citizen: It would be nice to get at least a 5% raise to help save some money for my daughter’s education after years of wage freezes.
CEO of PG&E utility company: No raise for you electrical worker. Do your job, STFU, and like it.
Despite a San Bruno gas blast killing eight innocent people in 2010, the CEO still earned an estimated $7.34 million that year. If the CEO gave a crap, he’d take no bonuses beyond his base salary, or use his $7.34 million and give it all to the victims of the blast.
Oh, and what’s more, the CEO got a $35 million retirement package at the age of 58. Do you think he’s using any of those millions to compensate the families of the victims? Doubtful. By not giving a crap, the CEO can live out his retirement in peace.
The reality is, we’re all biased for people who look like us. Therefore, you’ve got to figure out a way to make it on your own in this highly rigged world.
Giving A Crap About Your Business
The online media business is interesting because you invite an unlimited amount of people to comment and criticize your work. Yet most don’t offer a better solution or don’t bother to try themselves. It’s tiring and soul crushing sometimes. But don’t worry, I will never surrender!
Commenter/Business Reviewer: Your writing sucks, your food sucks, your product sucks, etc.
Business owner: If you don’t like it, you can go somewhere else.
If a business owner actually said, “Go somewhere else,” s/he would probably get attacked by an angry mob. That said, I’ve read a number of interesting business owners who purposefully try and get one-star reviews on Yelp. Or they simply tell their complaining customer to eat somewhere else.
Read: Feeling Down And Out In This Perfect World
Space Things Out To Manage The Workload
As the creator of content on Financial Samurai, I feel it is my duty to respond to any comment and email that requires responding to. Sometimes I miss some, but for the most part I am a juggernaut when it comes to interacting with the community.
This is part of the reason why I space posts out every two days. One day to write and publish, one day to respond to others and work on other things.
I’ve been told some of my responses are weak, curt, and defensive. All I can say is that when you have to respond to sometimes 100+ comments and e-mails a day, it’s very difficult to respond in length sometimes. And most of the time, I don’t get a response back after spending the time.
The more you care about your business, the greater the highs and the lows. For example, let’s say you write a book that makes the Wall Street Journal bestseller list. You’ll be thrilled for a little bit. But undoubtedly, this emptiness inside will emerge and make you wonder things like: Is that it? or What’s next?
Not Caring About What You Create Can Set You Free
Sometimes, I wonder if it’s best not to give a crap about the quality of content and sharing real stories. I can hire freelance writers to write affiliate content for the sole purpose of making money! Here is a great snapshot of a site that does just that. But it feels soul-sucking.
Then I could shut down the comments section entirely to save time and stress. But I care too much, hence why there’s stress when writing online.
Giving A Crap About Your Physique
It’s so difficult to stay in fighting shape the older you get. I’ve constantly written about weight loss because I use to be very lean. But I used to also work out five days a week vs. only two or three days on average now. Who am I to blame for being 15 pounds heavier than ideal weight? You of course!
Guy eating an entire large deep dish pizza: Despite being 80 lbs overweight, he doesn’t give a crap because he has enough confidence and self-esteem to not care what other people think. He’s got a great personality and the ladies find him funny. Besides, the pizza tastes amazing.
Girl eating a salad and working out for the fifth day in a row at the gym: Despite already being in amazing shape with a 15% body fat percentage and buns of steal, she still feels too fat, and therefore insecure. She’s always checking herself out in the mirror, along with the beefcake next to her who turns sideways and flexes his guns.
Come on everybody! You know what I’m talking about. The fittest people have the lowest self-esteem! Who spends hours and hours a week working out when they are already fit when they could be using that time to produce something of value to society! Don’t fight old age. Embrace it.
Caring About Your Legacy
On of the reasons why we save, invest, and work so hard is because we want to leave a good legacy. We might have children we want to provide for. Or, we might want to continue supporting charities long after we are gone.
Instead, if you adopt the YOLO retirement philosophy of spending all your money while living, you may feel less stressed. You won’t have to work as much and you won’t have to plan as much for the future.
As a father and a writer, I care about my legacy. Caring about my legacy is why I continue to write at least three times a week and maintain Financial Samurai. I’m well past my 10-year anniversary where I said I would take things way down.
Every day I’m grinding between 5 am – 8:30 am to work on Financial Samurai before I will spend the day with my children. I figure, might as well keep earning when the pandemic is still raging on.
Thinking About Yourself = Happiness
When I worked in finance, I deeply cared about how my colleagues thought of me because I wanted those raises and promotions. I made it a point to build a network of supporters from top to bottom.
I liked most people, but I did have to brown-nose and laugh at unfunny jokes for some in order to get ahead. And get ahead I did, with a VP promotion at the age of 27.
But man, oh man, was I much more stressed during my financial services career than I am now running my own media business. I don’t give a crap about office politics anymore, because I’m not jockeying to ascend the corporate ladder.
I’m just looking to help out the companies where I can be my genuine self. Amazingly head-scratching things in the work place don’t bother me anymore.
When someone throws me under the bus in a meeting, it’s a thrill! I was in a consulting meeting one day and a woman said, “Sam did it!” when discussing something that went slightly wrong.
No longer do I get bent out of shape, plotting a way to avenge my honor. I just analyze the situation in order to come up with some entertaining posts for y’all to read.
Fortunately, I’m always going to give a crap about my family and friends. I want the best for them, and I will worry if they are going through difficult times. The Buddha says desire is the cause of all suffering. He’s right. Sometimes we have to just let go.
Some thoughts people don’t give a crap think or say:
What’s in it for me?
Company loyalty is dead, you fool!
Shit, I got no time for that!
He can wait.
Leave me alone.
If you don’t like it, leave.
Figure it out yourself, dumbass.
It’s your fault for being poor.
I’ll get back to him whenever I feel like it.
Since we’re splitting the bill, I’m going to eat and drink the most.
Look at my selfie.
Why should I wear a condom?
Who cares about your husband or wife?
Do you know who I am?
Pretty selfish right? However, maybe these selfish folks aren’t very stressed, at least in the short term.
If you don’t want to feel stressed, then you should give less a crap about things. Unfortunately, as long as there is life, there is suffering.
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[…] debt welchers are admired is because they have the GUTS to say F&*# Y*$ to their lenders and not give a crap about what other people think of them. I’m sure every one of us who owes money has thought […]
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[…] are suffering from chronic undernourishment. Despite this staggering number, it’s as if Americans don’t give a crap. If we did, there wouldn’t be 79 million obese Americans (35% of the population) according […]
Giving a crap about what and who is important to you is what matters. Everything else is life sucking garbage.
For example, I love my sister. But not her opinions. She makes bad decisions for herself and tries to give me advice that is totally unfounded and worthless. When I told her about a potential investment property that I wanted to buy (which I had never done before,) she told me how I shouldn’t buy it because it may need new appliances and there’s a formula that her husband uses to decide if a property is worth buying and this one doesn’t fit the calculation.
To me, the location was perfect (next to a big university), it already had a renter (who wanted to sign on for several more years), AND the price fit my budget. So, I bought it, despite her thoughts/opinions/calculation.
I’ve owned that property for almost 2 years. The renter pays on time, every time. He takes care of the place and doesn’t smoke/drink/have pets or party. The best part is that it’s value has increased by 62%.
The only thing I can do when people tell me NOT to do something that I feel is for my benefit (in a good way without harming animals and others) is to do it and succeed. That shuts them up.
I am so glad that I ran across this article today. I needed a reality/gut-check this morning–especially after talking to my team lead about the abysmal merit increase that I received.
As you stated, its so funny how we do all that we can to please people and still its never enough. I am definitely working on doing things that make me happier this year. Thanks again for this post Sam…really!
I have recently gone through a sort of epiphany and transformation in the last few years. I realized that the reason I cared so much, gave it my all, was more than just pride in what I do but more of a need for acceptance. I realized that this acceptance and approval from my peers and superiors directly impacted my self esteem. Since coming to this realization, I’ve worked at separating my emotions from others’ approval. I can accept compliments without it going to my head and I can accept criticism without it destroying my self esteem.
Going through this change has bettered my life and lowered my stress significantly!
Thanks Sam for the topic, good piece.
Hi Ryan,
I understand your epiphany. Wanting to feel accepted and have the approval of others has also driven me. But I realized recently that some people will never be happy with how far you’ve come, and you’ve got to just move on without them.
S
Sam, I must say that this post is GOLD. Hilarious and on point my friend! Well done.
It’s important to remember that social contracts go both ways. So often, responsible working people can feel abused while others are self-serving.
It’s good to ask questions to make sure that we are also benefiting from our social contracts.
For example:
Why should we be loyal to mega-corp when CEO makes $20 million bonus for doing a mediocre job?
Why should we sacrifice our careers to take care of an aging parent when they put us in daycare prioritizing their career?
Why should I give my money to a homeless man who does not want help for his addiction and does not want to work?
Why should I give to non-profits that spend 80 cents on the dollar toward “administrative” costs?
It’s good to care about important things and our own levels of responsibility, but we need to make sure the motivation is not guilt. Doing things out of guilt does no good except to the person that uses guilt to manipulate us.
What about the PG&E CEO who earned $7.2 million in my example and walked away with a $30 million retirement package while his firm accidentally blew up 10 people in San Bruno? He doesn’t give a crap. He got paid.
I’ll bet the CEO’s compensation package was written into his contract, so of course he’ll get paid, similar to Wall Street execs who were heading the firms which needed tax payer bailout and still walked away with hefty packages. People who rise to that level of power and influence in society are very good at using people to their advantage and also not giving a crap about most things. It’s also known as focus. But then again besides close friends and family, how many people really give a crap about others people?
Not giving a crap, also known as individualism and self reliance is what America excels at compared to the rest of the world. It’s probably why America is the most powerful and richest nation on earth and at the same time oppose universal health care for its fellow citizens. I believe there’s a cost to this sort of attitude though. We’re one of the least happy society in the developed world.
The one thing I’m proud of is that my company never took a single tax payer dime. Furthermore, the company paid employees in “toxic assets” in 2009-2010, when no other bank had the guts to do so.
How about you? What were you and your company doing in 2008-2010?
My company was laying off people during those times and I was preparing for the worst case scenario. Fortunately I kept my job and stay invested in the market and bought a house. The plan is to work for 10 to 15 more years maybe and then engineer my layoff as you have.
As someone who cares too much, I have a hard time not being resentful at people who don’t care. They make terrible co-workers and even more terrible friends or partners. While it’s great to be able to be able to relax and go with the flow, but you have to be willing to invest in the things that matter to you.
This is why good managers extract viruses QUICKLY, so the resentment doesn’t spread.
But eventually, you will stop caring. And by then, you will either decide to negotiate a severance, or just chillax at work.
The only thing you will maniacally care about is something you’ve created on your own.
Well there’s a difference between giving a shit and ACTUALLY giving a shit. Everyone “gives a shit” on a superficial, surface level. Very few people will actually care about you in your lifetime. And I think it’s a natural tendency that we can’t control to pretend like we care, since we’re always protecting our own interests whether we realize it or not. So yes, maybe it is a source of anxiety, but it’s an unavoidable one. So this post kind of makes no sense.
I’ve been fortunate to have a boss that I have a great relationship with. Granted, he’s my first real boss, albeit at a non-legitimate career. I’m still going to have unrealistic expectations going forward, where I know I’ll never have it so good. It’s a really tough situation. But I think the boss is so good mainly because the rest of the job is pretty shit. So maybe he is still only giving a shit on surface level.
May I ask what a “non-legitimate career” is?
Great article Sam! This “not giving a crap” concept, for me, is another way of “letting go.” That’s my focus for 2015: letting go of expectations, need for certain outcomes, and the need to be perceived a certain way by others. So far it’s working magic. Seems to be acting like a filter, keeping the positive stuff and removing the waste.
Good luck Marco. I still want to read your Caribbean post one day!
I’m often accused of caring too much. Yes, caring makes me stressed out. I, like you, hate being late. I stress out every day about being late for work, and am usually among the first ones there, 15-20 minutes early. Everyday. But I still stress out everyday about the possibility I’ll be late. I care about what people think of me, especially when it comes to performance. I don’t like disappointing anybody. Yes, if I didn’t give a crap about most things, life would be easier. But tell me, how do I do that? You haven’t offered a solution, how do we make a 180 and go to totally not giving a crap? I’ve tried to tell myself and others before that I don’t care about something, but deep down, if I was to be honest, nothing had changed.
It’s instinct to care, to belong. There is no resolution. It’s part of being human. I think if anything, this article just states the obvious. We have to make sacrifices in life. Of course we don’t really care about certain things, but we often have to pretend, and that’s just “duh”.
You sound like me. Try life on an island. It is easier for me to relax when everyone around me is not speeding around at 100 miles an hour.
The solution is easy:
1) Build Passive Income
2) Reach Financial Independence
3) Choose What You Want To Do With Your Time
Sorry Sam, but for those of us who worry about being late all the time, having financial independence is not the answer. I imagine once I am financially independent I will still care about whether or not I am late. I think it ingrained in one’s personality.
I’m trying really hard to do all those things, and I’m hoping I will be able to completely quit my job and do what I love within a year or two. But I will still care :)) I just don’t think it’s my personality to not give a crap. Not just at work, I mean. In anything I do. Maybe I’m just not tough enough to do that. I don’t know. Over time, I’ve learned to grow a little bit of a tough skin, but I still have long ways to go to not giving a crap.
And life on the island sounds more relaxed :) I’d love to visit one day.
Sam, I think it’s amazing that you take so much time to respond to comments. It’s probably why you have such a following. (Oh, and the posts of course!)
No big deal Mina. It’s fun! Like throwing a party and talking to folks one by one. It’s the right thing to do. Just gotta get up early, in order to respond to comments before getting to work writing a post, before going to work.
If it wasn’t fun, I wouldn’t do it!
I just fake at work that I give a crap – then it becomes easy hahaha!
Nice job g!
Give a huge crap about things which are important to you whatever it maybe and prepare constantly to do well on them. Giving too much crap about everything or being indifferent about almost everything is just shooting oneself in the foot. No one will get very far in life with that sort of attitude unless they were already born into wealth and privilege.
Not sure what events transpired with your speeding ticket, but unless there was an unusual heavy traffic that day, preparing means leaving 15 minutes early. Preparing means building a financial cushion as you have done in order not to have to do something simply to earn money. Life can be stressful enough without adding self induced stress brought on by procrastination and then having to pull all-nighters to finish something or speeding to get somewhere.
“Readers, is giving a crap the source for all stress? If you care about no one, won’t you be happier?”
I got a chuckle the other day from this – I think Conrad Hilton may be your poster child for caring about no one (at least the “peasants”): https://www.cnbc.com/id/102396265#
But I imagine, late at night, when the demons come, he’s not very happy…
I can relate very much to the end of the article where you talk about not concerning yourself with petty office politics and blame games. I do believe that the ability to feel this way comes down to leverage. You have a career that allows you to not be as concerned because you know you offer something valuable to the organization but at the same time are not going to be stressed if they choose to “get rid of you.” However, so many rely on their jobs so they constantly panic about anything they think won’t give them a leg up. Much of this is derived from the pressure stemming from the top down, but mostly because people live in fear of losing their paycheck. The employees have 0 leverage as they can more often than not be replaced by the next in line. So the real question becomes how do you find the balance between giving and not giving a crap?
I’ve found the answer to balance, seriously.
Become financially independent. Once you are financially independent, you get to pick and choose more easily who you want to work with and what you want to do.
Check out the post: How Does It Feel To Be Financially Independent?
I get annoy with people who are lazy, but somehow get a huge raise and bonuses. For example, nobody likes administrative work, but we get paid because of administrative work. So after a hard working day, supposively two of us would spend 1-1.5 hours to knock out some mindless work. But there are a couple of people, when they work with me, thinking Viviannw could handle it.p, so they go off doing something else like helping the bosses doing some work they don’t like to earn extra credit per se. Now, they supposed to “meet expectation before exceeding expectation” at lease that’s how we got evaluated.
So one day, in safety meeting, I mention that it’s a two person job, and any supper ios pulling people away need to make sure people doing their job first. It worked!
Anyhow, as for getting poor rating, I can’t help how people think, evaluation is purely subjective. After many years of fighting and documenting my accomplishment during the year, I just concluded, it’s either quitting and go somewhere change boss, or get myself a business where I can give myself an A+++ performance and a $10k raise each year.
On top of that, I learn to work with what I have, I get overpaid for my profession anyways. Don’t dwell on bad thoughts or things I can’t change.
I’ve said it before at the 9-5, the problem is Caring(Giving a crap), once you stop caring your 9-5 gets a little easier, the raise and bonus in corporate America, you lose some interest because you know you didn’t go 110% to make every single thing happen because you lost some of that caring. You smile a little more and care a little less. Corporate America fascinates me and probably not in a good way, which is why I want to be as far away as possible.
You mean, we turn into Europe, the happiest place in the world!
The paradox is that by one’s so called “not giving a crap,” there is ARGUABLY more peace, emotional stability and emotional strength. And this ARGUABLY can translate to there being more ability for that person to truly give in a meaningful way.
Not giving a crap doesn’t necessarily need to translate to being a narcissist. It can be associated with a healthy DETACHMENT.
This is a good post. Not that you give a crap what I think about your post, nor should you.
Bingo! But I don’t care what you think Steve, so let’s move on.
I am a little confused with your post this time. I am having a hard time figuring out if you’re being a proponent or opponent of “Giving the crap sometimes ….”
Confucius say, “Relationship is the opportunity to do something you hate with someone you love.”
This post resonates well with me, and brought me some good laughs too. At the times when I had the most stress in my life, I think I cared way too much. I put too much responsibility on myself alone, which became unbearable. The more I started to ask for help and work as a team, or simply just let things go, the better things got. Stress has such an impact on our health and well being, and caring too much about too many things all by oneself isn’t healthy. We need balance and a support network.
It helps to stop caring so much about things we can’t control. If we can’t do anything to change something/someone – then it’s much easier and less stressful not to give a crap about it. Like feeling guilty about things from the past for example – I have a relative who has so much guilt about stuff from her past and I’m like “let go of it already and start living in the NOW. Care about what you can do today, not what you or someone else shoulda/coulda/woulda done in the past.” We can’t please everyone. We gotta focus on what matters most to us and those we care about.
Its also not really useful to be stress/anxious if its indeed warranted. I always felt like freaking out was an impediment to the solution to the source problem. Issue I always ran up against was not “appearing appropriately concerned”. Ah, ok. You mean while I calmly and cooly knocked out the problem, and the “concerned” person fumbled, something was amiss? Do you want your pilot (not me) doing the checkoffs and figuring stuff out, or appearing like they care? Sometimes….
I can be the first to confirm that having a blog is a great supplement to a job you don’t love. I personally find myself in a situation where I have extreme high’s and low’s when it comes to the day job. I love the monthly income, but I can’t help but work towards the day that I can go off on my own.
The blog has been able give me a sense of balance. Its only been a little over 4 months, but its been a lot of fun writing and connecting with others.
Sometime in the next 10 years I will be engineering my own layoff. For now there is a lot (at least financially) for me to extract from my career.
Everyone should have a side hustle.
Haha love this (especially the picture!). I don’t think not caring is always the answer to our stress because sometimes, we’re actually just running away. But I do agree with not giving a crap when it comes to work. I hear so many people complain about how mistreated they are their job. If it’s so bad, why do you put in the effort to care so much? Just show up 9-to-5, take an hour lunch and a few breaks in between, and call it a day.
If the job is so bad, one must leave! Vote with your feet I say.
I do see the allure of just “shipping it in” at work, but I have to imagine it gets boring after a while. But, if you have a side hustle like a blog or whatever, the 9-to-5 really could be amazing. Are there really people who work single digit work hour weeks and complain though? :)
I always admire the people who leave at 4pm for personal reasons and stuff. They are the ones who don’t give a crap, and I salute them!
If you’re running away you’re just channeling the anxiety into a different form, not alleviating it. The point should be to realize and match the actual importance and long term effect of what you’re worried about with your response. Most people seem to have things totally backward. Its pretty human to totally overestimate low probability and importance stuff while absolutely overlooking what is a real danger and importance. Just have to train yourself to see it and your own bias’ that allow things to get distorted.
You may sometimes have to feign concern for stupid stuff just for social proof, but you dont have to let it affect you to the core. For the vast vast majority of people, they worry about the wrong stuff, or at least weight their concerns disproportionately to rational value.
The thing about giving a crap at work is that you can only give so much. Not all workplaces are going to be 100% fair and that’s just how it is sometimes. Some places will advance people based on performance and promote the people that prove themselves and do a good job. But many times that’s not the case. Sometimes whomever has the most seniority will get the promotion simply because of their longevity at the company. Or sometimes it will go to whomever has a PHD in their field instead of the person with a bachelors degree and better work performance. And sometimes the person that is good “buddies” with the boss gets the promotion because they just know how to schmooze better.
So yes I think you should give a crap at work, taking time off for Vegas is not going to get you ahead, but being a dedicated worker who thinks that the company will always promote the correct person is a bit naive sometimes. If you care too much about your job then at some point your job is going to be likely to let you down when they do the wrong thing. Finding that balance of how much of a crap to give is what I think we all need to strive for.
-Zee
Fairness is something so subjective in the workplace. It’s curious how out of all my examples in this post, 90% of people focus on the workplace, and not the relationships.
How’s your “work to not work” anthem coming along? When are you going to stop working?
Maybe it’s because people view their family and friends as being more static. My family has been around my whole life. I’ve learned when to give a crap and when it’s less important to give a crap. Those relationships have been tested my whole life and I know where I stand with them. Same with most of my friends. A large group of my friends have been around for 20 years or so, tried and tested those relationships with varying levels of “giving a crap”. There are some newer friendships where this is tested but it’s much different than work relationships. Being friends is a 100% voluntary act on both sides, whereas work is a somewhat less voluntary act since most people work because they need money to provide for the other parts of their life. (unless we’re talking about people like yourself who are already financially independent and don’t need a job if they didn’t want to.)
You could argue that people can voluntarily pick the job that they want, but it’s not always 100% going to work out that way. If “just because you wanted a specific job” meant that you could get it then we might have a lot more astronauts then we currently have and a lot less janitors. Most people don’t seek out jobs that would end up on that show “Dirty Jobs” for a reason, they just end up their through some strange path in life.
People make trade offs when it comes to work, sometimes the pay is worth doing something you wouldn’t voluntarily choose to do. The same goes with giving a crap at work, it’s not always something you would care about but you know that you have to care to a degree so that you don’t end up unemployed and homeless while waiting for NASA to give you that job to send you to the moon.
As for stopping the traditional sense of work for myself, I still have some time to go before I reach that. I was originally planning to realistically stop at 42, but then I brought that down to 40. But now I’m sort of wanting to shoot for the year 2020 just because it sounds like a nice even year, that would be the year I turn 38. Not sure if that’s possible, some could definitely depend on how the markets are. And there’s always the possibility of significant life changes that could change things. Though I think if I had lifestyle changes that pushed back that date then that would be a good thing, because that would mean I choose to do something worth delaying financial independence a little longer.
Hmmm… I might have to be first to step up and say there’s very little I give a crap about. That doesn’t make me depressed or a narcissist though. I focus most of my actions toward kindness and doing well by others. But in a more Taoist way. (A philosophy which “advocates a life of complete simplicity and naturalness and of noninterference with the course of natural events.”)
I firmly believe that when people have food, clothing, shelter, and health they’ll go out of their way to think up stupid crap to get depressed or worry about. That’s not my problem and there’s little I can do about it. When I step in and help them fix their stuff, they’ll usually quagmire it all up again for no good reason. I don’t let things get complicated in my personal life. There’s no need for it–it’s all just silliness.
Everyone should read “The Tao of Pooh” at least once in their lives.
Will have to check the book out. Hard it several times before.
Glad you are like a Taoist monk and don’t let anybody ever bother you! Share us your secret.
And The Te of Piglet while you’re at it. Both quick to read, long to consider. Both by Benjamin Hoff. :)
I often say people care too much. Some people just have this uncanny ability to get worked up over things that genuinely do not matter. Soemone shows up 15 minutes late for lunch and they whine about it for the next week.
People should focus on caring only about the things that are important. Also try to remain rational about things that matter.
Exactly. I’m thinking of stop being 5 minutes early to every meeting out of respect, and just show up 15 minutes late and think about my own time. They can wait!
My fear is that once I develop a habit of arriving 15 minutes late, they’ll know, and then they’ll arrive 30 minutes late, and then I’ll arrive 45 minutes late. Hmmm… I wonder if this happens, or if there are societies that have a culture of perpetually being late but being cool with it.
So, you’ve never been to Caribbean I see.
I see you are familiar with “Island Time” Austin. I am sure Sam would not enjoy that one bit :-) .
Island time = increased happiness for me
It is hard for me to be relaxed when 99% of everything and everyone around me is running around on a hamster wheel.
Oh, I’m actually very familiar with Island Time living in Hawaii and in Malaysia, and Indian Standard Time as my Indian friends would tell me. They like to come 1-2 hours late to dinner. It’s just the culture.
I was kidding about not knowing societies perpetually being late and being cool. Being late is my biggest pet peeve, so I know all about timeliness!
Exactly. You shouldnt care about a ton of things that people sometimes do, and it does cause anxiety for so many people. Since this is opposite of myself, it sometimes can drive me crazy to listen to worked up folks, and I tell them straight up what I think.
Actually happened today, told someone (complaining about being thrown under the bus, etc.. in email) and she was right, but all anxious. I told her I would not have even responded to such a stupid email and made the real players in the debacle sort it out their damn selves, dont step in and allow yourself to be a flak jacket. However, since I am on the top of the totem pole so to speak I can see where this is hard to stomach.
I also used to be on time for all meetings, etc…but learned fairly quickly I would be the only person for a half hour, so I never show up on time anymore, calculated late entry. I dont give a crap either, and guess what…Im still usually one of the first! Opposite rule on bike rides, be on time or be prepared to chase.
That’s it. The higher you go up the totem pole, the HARDER the fall. It gets VERY political up there. One of the reasons why I left Wall St. I wanted to be my own boss and make pure correlations with work effort and success.
I am not sure if its giving a crap that is the source of all stress. I think it becomes stressful when you overload your ability to give a crap. If you want to avoid the kind of stress you are talking about, you have to make trade-offs by choosing what to give a crap about.
You can’t be everything to everyone.
Just be selective on the things you give a crap about…and you will be pretty stress free.
I agree. This is not a binary issue. You have to have healthy boundaries. This is something that has been hard for me. I assume it’s the same for a lot of people.
As the oldest child of a divorced couple, I realized that I often played more of a parental role. I tried to be the mediator. I viewed my siblings almost as though they were my children. I tried to help everyone out of every situation.
I have always been overly generous with people who ask for money. My wife thinks it’s weird. Last week a woman asked me for money downtown. I looked away and kept walking. I didn’t acknowledge her. I am still trying to find that balance. It hurts. It’s not just black and white.
Feels bad to ignore the needy right Austin? I wonder how we can do our part to always help, but also not feel rotten when we don’t.
*****
Giving A Crap With The Poor
Even in a nation as rich as ours, there are hundreds of thousands of homeless people who beg and sleep on the streets every day.
Homeless person on the sidewalk: Hi Mr! Can you spare some change?
Busy professional walking to Chipotle for lunch: No acknowledgement. Eye contact avoided. Headset rocking to the latest tune.
How many of us have experienced this situation? How many of us don’t give a crap enough to spare a quarter to help someone in need gather $1 to buy a McDonald’s cheeseburger? We ignore the suffering all around us in order to make ourselves feel better.
It’s hard. I live within a stones throw of section 8. Like literally I could open my bedroom window and throw a stone. Every day I drive by halfway houses on the way home. One day I saw a young couple with a baby in a stroller. It was cold. I doubled back and gave them a significant amount of money. The dad almost couldn’t believe what was going on. Almost immediately an opportunist nearby was hitting me up.
I don’t get the drift of your comment but I do have a heart. It’s just hard to know where those boundaries are.
Readers, is giving a crap the source for all stress? If you care about no one, won’t you be happier?
In a word, no. Caring about nobody makes you unhappy. The best definition of “happiness” that I’ve found is this: happiness is the experience of spending time with people we enjoy. If you don’t give a crap about other people, it’s unlikely that they’ll give a crap about you.
The trick is not to give a crap about things that don’t give a crap about you. Your boss doesn’t give a crap about your family or your retirement or your life outside of work. Therefore, one should do enough so your boss keeps paying you but no more.
Contrariwise, your family and friends do give a crap about you, and if they’re good people, you should give a crap about them. Obviously, if they become crappy people most of the time rather than just some bad days, you cut them loose. But so long as they’re net positives, you take some crap with the knowledge that you’re going to give them some crap, too.
That’s exactly what I was thinking!
This is why at least 50% of one’s happiness at work should be working with people they like and admire. It doesn’t matter if you are getting paid like a rockstar, you will want to quit if you just can’t stand the people you work with.
Haha, this is like the “office space” post :) And yes, caring too much is probably the primary source of all my anxiety.
But if you didn’t give a crap, where would you be? Would you be making as much $? Probably not!
I’m totally guilty of being the businessman walking to Chipotle for lunch at every single encounter…