According to an Indeed Hiring Lab analysis, women now hold more payroll jobs than men in America. It's only the third time this has ever happened. The first two times, during the Great Recession and just before COVID, the gap snapped back once construction and manufacturing started hiring again.
This time looks different. Between February 2025 and February 2026, women added 298,000 jobs while men lost 142,000. Male labor force participation has fallen to its lowest level since tracking began in 1948, outside the pandemic. Roughly one in three prime-age and young men is neither working nor looking for work.
Meanwhile, the stay at home boyfriend and stay at home husband has gone from an embarrassing secret to a legitimate macroeconomic trend.
At first, I thought this was no good. Men have been conditioned to provide. One of the main reasons a man is able to attract a mate is his ability to demonstrate he can pay for things. A grown man living at home with no income seemed like a suboptimal life choice.
But the more I thought about it, especially as a father, the more I realized this is a wonderful development. Here's why.
Five Reasons More Stay At Home Men Is Great
1. Less pressure on boys to grind. No more studying until 1am for a shot at a top university, then spending 13 years in a job you don't like so you can afford a house. Just be pleasant and marry well.
2. More freedom to pursue passions. Instead of chasing prestige industries that pay well but hollow you out, men can finally write the novel, learn the guitar, or perfect their backhand.
3. Stronger father-child bonds. Kids with highly involved fathers show better cognitive development, stronger academic outcomes, and more stable emotional regulation. The average amount a dad spends with his children a day is alarmingly low.
4. More runway for women to rise to the top. Fewer men competing for leadership roles means more women in leadership roles with higher pay and prestige. If you want equality in the C-suite, one efficient path is for more men to simply go home.
5. Less discrimination against fathers for taking care of their children. If dads becoming the main caretaker becomes commonplace, perhaps park rangers wouldn't bother a father mid-rally with his kids, neighbors and wives wouldn't gossip about the man who doesn't work, and more men could say what they do with pride.
How Many Stay At Home Men Are There, Really?
Roughly 2.1 to 2.2 million American fathers are stay at home dads. That's about 7% of all fathers living with children under 18. For mothers, the figure is 26%.
Put another way, dads now make up 18% of all stay at home parents, up from 11% in 1989 and just 5% at the turn of the millennium. So the trend is real. But mom is still doing the overwhelming majority of the staying home.
Now here's the part that kind of bums me out.
Only 23% of stay at home dads say they're home to care for their family. Among stay at home moms, that number is about 80%.
So what are the other 77% of stay at home dads doing? Roughly 34% aren't working due to illness or disability. About 13% are retired. Another 13% are looking for work and can't find it. And 8% are in school.
In other words, most stay at home dads did not choose this. They got chosen.
The good news is the direction of travel. Thirty years ago, 56% of stay at home dads were home due to illness or disability and only 4% were home to care for their kids. Going from 4% to 23% is real progress.
The Dual Unemployed Household Is Statistically Almost Nonexistent
I hear a lot from readers who dream of both spouses quitting at the same time to live the FIRE lifestyle. The data says almost nobody actually does it.
Among married-couple families with children under 18, here's the 2025 breakdown from the Bureau of Labor Statistics:
| Household structure | Share |
| Both parents employed | 66.3% |
| One parent employed | 31.1% |
| Neither parent employed | 2.6% |
Two-thirds of families with kids are dual income. Roughly one in three is the classic one-earner setup. And the dual unemployed household, the one where nobody is bringing in a W-2 paycheck, is 2.6%.
That's the precarious club I've been in since 2015, when my wife negotiated a severance as a high performer. It is a small club, and I don't recommend joining it without a very large portfolio behind you. When the market corrects, and it will, things get nerve-wracking fast.
If you have kids, the stress can be overwhelming.
The cheapest way to make a one-income household less precarious is a term life policy on the person earning the income. If she's carrying the family and something happens to her, you're a grieving parent with a resume gap and no paycheck.
I use Policygenius to compare quotes across carriers in one place, because rates are regulated and the only real variable is how much shopping you're willing to do.
You Want The Ability To Stay At Home As A Man
I've been writing about financial independence since 2009. The point was never to sit on a sofa. It was to buy back your time so being a stay at home man or woman becomes a choice instead of a sentence.
Friends who came up in the FIRE movement with me, like Joe from Retire by 40 and Brandon from Mad Fientist, stepped away from work while their wives kept earning. Nobody calls them stay at home husbands. They say “retired early,” when interviewed on a podcast or article because they think it sounds better.
But I sense a slow shift in courage. More men are admitting they're being taken care of. That's healthy. Every woman who has ever been asked “so what do you do?” at a barbecue while holding a toddler deserves to watch a man field that same question.
From 2012 to 2015, I was a stay at home husband while my wife kept working and providing healthcare. We made a pact: if my side worked out, she could retire early at 35 too. She's three years younger, so I had a three-year head start on the sofa.
Then our son was born in 2017 and going back to work was the last thing she wanted. COVID hit in 2020, four months after our daughter arrived, and staying home became the only rational option. We homeschooled our son for 18 months because we could.
Stay at home husband since 2012, stay at home dad since 2017. Fourteen years in, which technically makes me an elder statesman of this generation of stay at home men.
Admire The Grit To Keep Working
As a big proponent of FIRE, I'm in awe of the women still grinding in their 40s with young children at home. I've looked directly at that life and concluded I am not built for it.
I burnt out at 34 after 13 years in banking. That was before kids. There is no chance I'd go back to 60-hour weeks now with two children under 12. I'd last a quarter. Maybe two if the bonus was obscene. I've come back home after going to conferences, and I'm absolutely exhausted to be able to then properly take care of my kids.
And yet millions of women do exactly that, then come home and get asked what's for dinner.
So when I say appreciation is a commandment, I don't mean a card on Mother's Day. I mean an accurate understanding of all that she's juggling. Here is some insight from a working mom who regretted not being at home more with her kids.
The Five Commandments Of Stay At Home Men
As an elder statesman of the Stay At Home Men Brotherhood, I have five commandments we must follow. They spell PEARS.
Commandment #1: Pursue your own thing.
Being a stay at home man gets boring fast if leisure is all you've got. Even if you've saved enough to generate the passive income, a man still needs a purpose. Maybe especially then.
A book. A business. A 5.0 USTA rating or better. A nonprofit. Partly because “so what do you do?” needs an answer at that holiday party. But mostly because a man with nothing of his own eventually becomes a burden on the relationship instead of a partner in it. We can't outsource our entire emotional life to our partners.
Some call this a trust fund job. Plenty of financially secure people have one, and there's no shame in it. The work just has to be real to you.
Commandment #2: Encourage her to keep working.
It would be lovely if both partners could stay home. But going dual unemployed puts your financial security at risk, and 2.6% of families is not a trend, it's a rounding error.
So when she's tired or demotivated, pump her up. Remind her of the great work she's doing for humanity. If she's a mother, remind her how her income funds the best possible life for her children. Talk about the return on all that education she worked so hard for.
For the full tactical breakdown, read “How To Convince Your Spouse To Work Longer So You Can Retire Earlier.” It features strategies from five stay at home men who have successfully pulled it off.
Commandment #3: Appreciate the freedom she provides.
Thanks to her, we do not sit in pointless meetings. We do not navigate office politics. We do not commute at 8am, travel on weekends, or stare out an office window at a perfect 72-degree day. Somebody is absorbing all of that on our behalf. Show gratitude daily, and not just on her birthday.
The more gratitude we can show our girlfriends and boyfriends for grinding so hard to provide for us, the more they will be willing to keep going. Think how lucky the husband is of the 37-year-old daughter whose dad is still providing for her. Appreciate the good life if you have in-laws and a wife who are alleviating your pressure.
Commandment #4: Reduce her mental load.
A clean house. Laundry done. Car maintenance handled. School forms filled out, camps registered, birthday gifts bought. Groceries stocked and dinner solved. Vacations planned and booked.
The last thing a working partner needs is to walk through the door into a second shift. If she's carrying the income, you carry the logistics. This is the actual job, and it is harder than most men expect.
Commandment #5: Stay in relatively good shape.
With this much free time on our hands, there is no excuse. We are arm candy. When she brings us to the annual company holiday party or the school fundraiser, we represent. She is going to introduce us to her CEO, and the CEO is going to make a snap judgment about her taste.
I'm not saying we need to look like swimsuit models. I'm saying we should at minimum rock a respectable dad bod. A little doughy around the middle, but strong underneath, and more to hang onto.
The bar is low. You have from 9am to 3pm every single day and no commute. If you can't find 45 minutes in there, the problem isn't your schedule.
Live By The PEARS
Pursue your own thing.
Encourage her to keep working.
Appreciate the freedom she provides.
Reduce her mental load.
Stay in shape.
Live by the PEARS. It is a gift to be provided for by a woman. Some say it may be a man's greatest flex in modern society.
My Most Recent Day Of Elite Stay At Home Manhood
On Friday, August 7, I experienced peak stay at home husbandry.
At 8:52am I drove my wife to her new part-time job as a substitute preschool teacher. Then I took the kids to Golden Gate Park for their last week of camp.
I was home by 9:25am. My buddy Richard picked me up and we drove 40 minutes to the East Bay for a tennis tournament. We watched for 4.5 hours, ate lunch, and drank margaritas he'd bought at Safeway. Premium living.
He dropped me off at 3:40pm. I took a nap. Picked up the kids at 4:50pm and my wife at 5:05pm. Asked everyone about their day. Provided the encouragement required under Commandment #2. Picked up dinner, ate as a family, did homework with the kids, put the kids to bed, and watched a new show with my wife.
A perfect day, except for the $108 ticket I may have earned for parking in a red zone for three minutes while grabbing food.
Let's do the math on that. My wife earns $26 an hour. Eight hours is $208. Minus my $108 ticket leaves $100, before taxes.
So no, we could not survive on her income. But for one day I got to mentally set down the responsibility of providing, and it felt fantastic. Maybe she will go from part-time to full-time eventually. If so, I will support her.
I'm genuinely proud of her for going back to work. It's her own thing, her own passion, her own set of new people to talk to. And frankly, time apart is good for a marriage.
So here's to all the working girlfriends and wives supporting us stay at home boyfriends and husbands. We appreciate all that you do! And to the fellow stay at home men out there, let's continue to do our parts to make the household run.
Insure The Person Providing Your Lifestyle
If your household runs on one income and it isn't yours, that income is a single point of failure. Term life on the working partner isn't optional in that setup. It's the price of admission.
But most stay at home men miss the other half. You need coverage too. Price out what you actually do: childcare, school logistics, meals, house management. As I covered in the crushing cost of childcare, replacing that labor in a major city runs real money every year until the kids are grown. Your household labor has tremendous market value.
Term policies on both of you. Hers sized to replace her income through school. Yours sized to replace everything you handle for free. Policygenius is where I'd start.
Reader Questions
Do you think the rise of the stay at home man is a good thing?
If you're a stay at home man, do you say “stay at home dad,” “retired early,” “consultant,” or something vaguer at parties?
For the working partners out there: does it bother you if your man doesn't earn, or is the mental load relief worth more than the second income?
And for parents of boys: are you raising your sons any differently now that provider status is no longer the default expectation?
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”Fewer men competing for leadership roles means more women in leadership roles with higher pay and prestige. “
Why do you think this ?
Sure. Let’s say there are 7 men, 3 women competing for leadership roles. Conceivably, the women have a 30% chance to get one (3 out of 7). If 4 men leave and become stay at home men, there’s only 3 men and 3 women. The chance of a woman getting a leadership role increases to 50% and so forth. If there are no men, then it’s a 100% chance a woman would be the next leader.
Your logic is right but the same can be said for people with brown hair vs black hair :)
So I can’t tell if your subtext is making a statement about leadership quality or leadership selection between men and women.
In general, I’m sure it’s empirically true that there aren’t as many women vying for leadership roles as much as men. So if it’s a statement about overall composition in the candidate pools, it makes sense.
But the way to reach equality, is not having men go home, it’s just treat women fairly in the workplace.
“But the way to reach equality, is not having men go home, it’s just treat women fairly in the workplace.”
Sounds like a plan. Feel free to share some suggestions on how the workplace can make sure of this.
The management I talk to discuss having a “pipeline problem” for diversity and inclusion. If there are 10 men for every 1 woman who graduates with a Computer Science degree, they say the odds of promoting a man is higher, all else being equal. So that pipeline problem needs to be fixed if that is what women in certain industries want.
But it’s interesting, b/c some industries simply have more men than women or more women than men. How do you fix the pipeline problem if people are self-selecting where to study and start a career?
We could make it mandatory for more women to go into construction and more men to go into nursing to get more equity. But I’m not sure if those forced will like that.
Related: A Backward Tax Identification System For Determining Your Freedom
Is this really such great trend? It seems to highlight the degradation of society and how weak we have become.
Women are generally better suited to work at home and handle the kids – they are biologically programmed to do so. But it is actually the fact that we as men have become weaker over time – so it is really our fault!
Men need to toughen up a bit more – including me!
I am a woman and I am not biologically programmed to work at home or handle kids. You’re mistaking biological programming with societal conditioning. It sounds like you don’t have a good understanding of women and biology wasn’t your strong suit either.
Can you explain to me why it is that 90% plus of people employed in childcare or primary schools are women?
Can you explain why 90% of doctors, lawyers and engineers were men at one point or that 90% of nurses were women at one point? Has our biology been reprogrammed in the last 30 years?
Um wow. Are we living in the year 2026? I’d love to see your sources for women’s “biological programming” … sounds like just pure prejudice to me.
SOME women might prefer to be homemakers (with or without kids) and SOME women might prefer to work outside the home, maybe even in leadership. My CEO is a woman and she is the best CEO I have ever worked for across many companies. She is a great leader AND the company is doing great financially, too.
I’m also not sure why you are dumping on men and why you think we have become “weak”… what makes you think that? Men are only “strong” when they work outside the home?
It must be so stifling to live inside the gender prison you’ve made for yourself. Am I also to assume that “real men” don’t cry and “real women” don’t pump gas?
I love this article as a recent retiree (medical) and a part time working wife with 3 teenagers in the house. I very much agree with the Live by the PEARS, we gotta step up and still perform in the stay at home role!
I just retired at 50 and my wife is 5 years younger (not eligible to retire yet) so I’m in full Stay At Home Dad (SAHD) mode. We have twin teens. It’s great! Yes, we make less money overall, but not that much less with my pension and retirement savings. But the lifestyle upgrade is priceless. Here’s why it’s an upgrade for us:
Location flexibility. Without the dual commute, we don’t need to worry as much about triangulating work and school and traffic patterns. So now we live in a more relaxed neighborhood with a lake nearby, a huge lifestyle upgrade that would not have been possible if we were both commuting.
Time flexibility. A lot of stress for dual-working parents comes from time juggling. If one parent works late, the other needs to get home. And who makes time to shop and cook and do laundry? What about kids’ activities? As a SAHD, I’ve got the life errands covered. And I’m not stressed because I don’t have the looming pressure of needing to get to work.
Intentional spending. This is related to time. We used to spend a lot of money on conveniences because we wanted to save time at home. House cleaners, lawn care, food delivery, dog walkers, etc etc. I’d estimate at least $1000-1200 per month! No more. Dad can do it.
Family sanity. Summer used to be more stressful than the school year, because what were we going to do with the kids all day? Expensive day camps and chaos. Now, they get an old school summer of swimming, roaming, getting bored. This time in life goes by fast, it’s nice to enjoy it.
I often get the comment, “You are only 50, what are you going to DO?” Fair question, if a bit loaded. There’s plenty to do for the family and I have my own interests and hobbies. And I would turn the question around and ask a lot of dual income couples: “What level of income would be enough for you to buy back your time and reduce your family stress?”
Congrats on the retirement! Well said about all the benefits.
My biggest concern is that by the time parents realize the time is gone and the kids are out of the house, it’s too late to give up the job that doesn’t really matter to be with those who do.
My wife recently went through this. She had no particular need to work, but she did because of an ethos. She broke her leg. FIRE isn’t worth much if you don’t have your health.
I think I heard Brandon from the Mad Fientist talk about FIRE and not once mention he’s had a working wife, as a well-paid optometrist, supporting their lifestyle. He made it seem like he did it all himself, and the podcast host, a female, didn’t ask about his wife either.
I hope more stay at home men acknowledge their working wives. It’s such a weird ego thing for men. So i hope you’re right that times are a changing.
Women are going to college the most, so we should let them work and earn the most.
Respect to all the wives out there willing to go to work for 40 to 50 to 60 hours a week sitting in on meetings while their kids are in daycare or with a nanny.
I burned out after 16 years in Corporate America and would rather just invest my money instead and spend time with my kids while they are still young.
Go working girlfriend and wives! Keep grinding for your men!
Respect indeed. To have the endurance to grind it out at work and then spend many hours before and after work taking care of children is tough.
Some are truly fortunate to love what they do.
But then again, I talk to many who work in medicine, law, banking, tech, and I would say 65% of them are burned out.
So I’m not sure what gives. Are people really loving what they do? Or are they saying the love it while secretly hating it?
There’s still a great deal of societal (North American) expectation that the guy in a 2-adult (+kids) household is expected to have a paid job (even if part-time). Exception would be if he retired earlier than his partner, which many people would be neutral or actively support as a positive response.
2 of my sisters were/are the primary breadwinner in each a family of 2 or 3 kids each. In 1 case hubby took early retirement. The other was laid off from govn’t cutbacks. Both sisters working in health care professions. I am dimly aware each parent ensured long-time active investing.
It is even more atypical if the father is the primary working parent/caregiver in a divorce, for a child or 2. I heard this enough from bf who is divorced father of 1 now adult working son.
I think provider status is still the default expectation for boys, but on that point, I am raising my son and daughter to provide for themselves, and not to get stuck in a relationship with someone who “leeches”. I don’t want that for either of them.
Gosh lots to unpack in those data points. One thing that’s clear to me is that every family unit is different. There can be lots of similarities but the details of each family’s circumstances are so complex and can change from month to month.
You always come up with the most unique and sometimes humorous acronyms. Five stars for creativity.
I am concerned about the overall unemployment figures for the country and how so many people have given up looking for work. We are in such a transformative time with AI it’s hard to imagine a positive outcome on the “other side.”