Are you a man if you cannot take care of your family? Are you noble, if you do not have a job and let your wife slave away at the office, so you can latch onto her healthcare insurance, and eat the bacon she brings home? Hell yeah brothers! Stay at home men of the world, unite!
The beauty of equality is that we men don’t have to work the majority of our lives away anymore. We can be the homemakers, and be proud of it too! With our big muscles, we can re-arrange the living room furniture with ease. Being relatively taller, we can change fire alarm batteries every year without fear of breaking our necks.
When the general contractor comes over to remodel the bathroom, ladies can rest assured we men are less likely to get scammed by superfluous charges, such as a $1,000 wonder wall replacement. And when the cable guy comes, you can also breathe easy knowing that we aren’t going to have a romantic encounter either! I mean, how many times have you ever had a cable gal come over? Never!
IS EARLY RETIREMENT CHEATING IF YOU HAVE A WORKING SPOUSE?
I’ve noticed an extraordinary trend over the past couple of years. The trend is that more and more men are desiring to retire early. In some cases, as early as 25! Let’s be honest, writing about retiring in your 20’s and 30’s is a gimmick. These guys aren’t going to sit back on the beach and get rubbed all day. Nope. They are going to try and develop some side income and take care of the kids. The kick in the shins is they think their wives will be happy with their plan!
Just like sleeping with the hostess at your favorite steak house is bad, so is telling everyone you are retired while your wife still works to support the family!
Why Wives Won’t Accept Working Forever If The Husband Doesn’t
* When you see someone relaxing, you too want to relax! It’s human nature to want what other people have. Do you really think your wife will be happy with working 40-50 hours a week while you lounge in your underwear all day at home? Only if her job makes her 100% happy, which we know will never happen. I would venture to guess the best jobs are liked by people 70%-80% of the time at most, which leaves 20-30% of dissatisfaction.
* Men will start to get lazy. It’s not in our nature to cook, clean, wash the dishes, and change diapers. We are hunters and love to play games! Eventually, we’ll stop being as consistent with our cooking and cleaning, and our wives will notice! We’ll get the wrong garnish at the grocery store, and our wives will blow their tops! Men are doomed towards laziness and women will realize this sooner or later.
* Women get jealous. You think men get jealous? Oh my, women get crazy jealous! There’s something about women where they must fend all other women away. Every woman is looked at suspiciously, especially the attractive ones who enter their man’s lives. Women probably get jealous because men make them jealous. Men like to hunt remember! And that includes other women.
* We must suffer together. Again, it’s human nature that one can’t enjoy more than another. Unless you are getting paid millions for getting a massage, there is suffering at work. It can be the commute, the boss, the annoying colleague who eats boiled eggs for breakfast, whatever. If your wife is suffering, she wants you to suffer too!
Once you combine laziness, relaxation, and jealousy, it’s GAME OVER! Your woman will start to resent you, and at the very least desire to stay at home and experience what you have. Don’t kid yourselves guys! We must have a plan, and saying you are retiring early while you have a working spouse is not one!
How To Convince Your Woman Into Letting You Retire Early
* Talk about your dreams and ambitions. Women love a man with ambition. In fact, some say that men with ambition are sexier than red velvet cake! Fill your woman’s ear with sweet plans of world domination. You can talk about building your online empire or your desire to become a real estate magnate. Whatever it is, your woman wants details, and wants to hear your enthusiasm.
* Always carry a smartphone. Even if you’re sleeping in until 10am, make sure you have a smartphone to insta-respond to text messages when she checks in on you during her work breaks. If you don’t respond within 15 minutes max, she’s going to start wondering whether you’re smoking her cigarettes, playing Xbox with 15 year olds, cavorting with other women, and get pissed! She might also figure out that you’re sleeping in, like the lazy man that you are!
* Show encouragement. Tell her you are proud of her accomplishments at work at least once a week. Most people don’t really care as much about the money as they do about recognition for good work done. Just tell her once a week how proud you are for her doing so well at the company. Tell her you admire her work ethic. Tell her you believe she will go places, and really mean it.
* Promise foot massages and gorilla loving. What does every tired, working woman want after she comes home? Not you! And that’s because you don’t promise her foot massages and gorilla loving! I don’t know how women can stand walking in even 1 inch heels, let alone 2 or 3 inches heels all day. If you promise a foot massage and 3 minutes of McLovin afterwards, I’m sure she’ll let you play War Craft all night long!
* Tell her you’re doing it for us. “Us” is the key word here. You might be someone who is lazy without any backbone to stick it out in the corporate world and make friends. And you know what? That’s OK, because work sucks a lot of the time! You’re disrespected, underpaid, and unrecognized. Nobody wants that. It’s important to reassure your woman that you’re working on your dreams to create a better lifestyle for both of you. Re-emphasize not only the potential of your business, but your ability to handle all the house work.
I love our society’s push for equality. Even though we are heading in the right direction, we aren’t there yet! Women still get paid less then men on average, and you don’t see much diversity in senior management positions. If we men want to retire early and have our lovely wives do all the work for us while we eat pizza and watch football, we must support our women 1000%!
Related: Man Up Dads! Time To Be Better Fathers
START A WEBSITE ALREADY
I’m proud to say that I’ve been a stay at home man since 2012 when I left my corporate job for good! Why? Because Financial Samurai, a site I started in 2009 is generating a healthy income stream to allow me to do whatever I want.
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Updated for 2019 and beyond.
I’m reading this and realizing that Mike and I are the outliers (once again!). He was the stay-at-home parent for a few years. I must admit I LOVED my job so there was no jealousy there. When I arrived home he had shuttled the kids to and from their activities, picked up the house, done a few repairs and cooked dinner…every night! I had tried it years ago and totally sucked at it!
The strange thing was our friends could never adjust to him being the go-to parent. They would call me to coordinate kid stuff. Over and over I would find myself saying, ‘I don’t know if the kids can make it- you need to call Mike!’.
It is interesting and I’m glad it worked. I wonder how other men viewed Mike?
Mike: I think they thought I was lucky.
Molly: Yeah, when you would bring in a homemade lunch to me at work I think there was a little jealously going on in my all male office :)
:)
Even though we would like to believe we have matured as a society when it comes to the stereotypical roles of males and females, we really have not come that far. Men are still expected to earn more than the wife and to fulfill the role of primary breadwinner. After my daughter was born and my wife went back to work I took 4 months off from my teaching job to stay at home and care for my daughter. I remember being the only Dad at the afternoon swim lessons and I did not know a single male at that time that was a stay at home Dad, that was 12 years ago. My daughter and I are really close and I attribute that to our 7 months together, that was one of the best decisions that I ever made! I do feel however that society in general looks more favorably on a stay at home Mom than a stay at home Dad and that same stereotype would apply to the man retiring before the female. It shouldn’t matter who retires first, what matters is that both spouses are comfortable with their retirement plan whatever that may be.
I don’t think we’ve come that far either. That’s AWESOME you and your daughter are so close! Hold onto the reigns tight as they enter teenage mode!
One of the family’s we rent a house to has a stay at home dad and he’s the first one I’ve met. I’m not sure it started that way, I think he lost his job, but it’s still an interesting set up.
I think if your wife still works then you aren’t really “retired” unless you’re set for life but maybe that’s just my definition :)
Personally, I’d rather write software than do housework though it would be nice if I could work from home more often…
Losing one’s job could be the very best thing that happens to a parent and a family sometimes. Being a homemaker is a $50-100K/year job imo!
Sheesh, I guess I’ve got it backwards- because I am working the long hours and my wife is taking photography and sewing classes the past few years. She does do the cleaning, laundry and make me lunch every day so I can definitely say that she is a huge part of my support network. I told her that at least one of us shouldn’t be slaving away to long hours!
But I did give her a hard time when she worked for a bad boss and then quit without finding anything else a few years ago- because when times get hard for me she tells me to find another job before quitting!
-Mike
I hear you on the “at least one of us” remark!
She’s gotta give you a hard time Mike. You are her bread and marmalade!
I would love it if my partner were making enough for me (or us) to retire! Really, how is ths a bad plan?
I’m on board 1000%! Men must unite to find our working honeys!
I think that in theory, the equality is a nice idea. I’m pretty sure if I mentioned that I was going to retire, or heck, even “work from home” while my wife was still working, she would probably stab me in the leg with a fork. :) The only time I’ve been at home was after financial armaggedon while at a bank, and I had a severance package that covered the entire time I was out of work, so that hardly counts. And no, you’re not retired if someone still needs labor to support the household.
Hahaha… ouch! What’s up with that? That’s not fair you aren’t allowed to work from home in your PJs!
A real estate magnet would be somebody who’s very appealing perhaps or maybe you can’t get away from the person?
But my guess is you mean you’re meaning a real estate magnate instead.
Great reading regardless :)
Thanks for the editorial catch! I appreciate all editorial catches, since I can’t find an editor and am blind!
Can’t wait to read Joe’s (RB40) comments. He he.
I’m a stay at home dad and I’m not in my 20’s or 30’s…I just turned 45! Spending time with my precious 20 month old is amazing, but its definitely not enough. I tried and found I have to have something else to challenge myself with. The upside is that even though I am working I am always there for that little girl when she needs a hug or even just comes to say “look see”.
You look good for 45 mate! No wonder why the lady lets you stay at home! Awesome you get to spend time with your daughter. Priceless!
Hilarious. I think it’s a step forward that the SAHD / men retiring early phenom is being increasingly discussed. You express some valid arguments, and I have to agree that if your treat marriage as a partnership then you can’t define yourself as being retired if your tem-mate is actively employed. I think it’s fair to characterize this as a mid-career shift to meet the relaities of modern families. I like to think of career as a widning road, and each jo / experience along the way as a segment of that journey. While I am taking time out of corporate America to be here when the kids step off the bus, I am still actively engaged in doing business in alternative ways. I like to think my skills are developing and I am contributing a portion of the household income. I’m definitely not retired.
Another issue is that Moms feel guilty about going to work when they have young children, moreso than men.
One of the proudest things is creating the Yakezie Network so that SAHDs like yourself can network and leverage the network to create some online income. Seriously, the Yakezie has been an extraordinary outlet for myself at times, and if I ever do this online thingy full-time, I am going to take MAX advantage!
Let’s convince Joe and others that they aren’t really retired!
Sam, let’s face it. You are just jealous because you don’t have a sugar mama. I already cook most of the time and I’m pretty good with the whole baby diaper thing. OK, I’m not good at the whole cleaning thing, but I’m sure I can relearn how to do laundry.
Anyway, like I mentioned to you. Mrs. RB40 took 2 years off for Peace Corp. 2+ years of grad school, 2 years of working part time, and eventually she found her ideal career. All these time I worked full time and supported her. It’s my turn! :D
I am jealous! Haha. Can you do me a favor and send this post to your wife so we can get her perspective?
Thx!
Heyyy, wait a second, Mr. RB40. I did my Peace Corps tour prior to our becoming Mr. & Mrs. RB40, and the two years I worked part time coincided with my grad school years! So you supported me (mostly) for 2 years while I contributed some to the household income! Check your math!
Anyway, Joe has stated up front (see his blog, About) as to what his definition of “retirement” is, which is not your usual retirement. He will still have to work – and hopefully have more fun at his ‘job’ than he has been presently. Of course I’m worried about finances when he “regretfully tenders his resignation,” but I figure I’d rather have him leave to “pursue other opportunities” than have a heart attack or something at his desk. Because if it were the latter, I’d have to work and take care of him, too. It’s interesting that you use the word ‘ambition’ in your post. For a long time, I had the same thought (why isn’t my husband ambitious). I’m trying to be supportive..starting a blog and turning it into a money-making venture is ambitious.
Uh oh…. Joe’s in trouble now! So, if all is fair in love, then Joe has at least 2 years where you should support him yeah? Then you can tell him to get back to work!
I don’t think Joe is not ambitious. I think he just has different ambitions!
Why do you call it retirement if the guy stays home? I don’t think I’ve ever heard a stay-at-home mom refer to herself as retired?
And you seem to infer that taking care of the kids and the house isn’t a job either.
That’s what I was thinking Glen! Stayig at home is a full time job, especially if one has kids and a demanding working woman who requires the house to be clean and food to be ready web she gets home!
Got to ask Joe from Retire by 40, and a couple other bloggers who say they are saying they will retire at 26 why they think it’s retirement if it’s not called retirement for women!
Equality!
Glen, I call it retirement so I can have a catchy name for my blog. :)
I took 3 months off to tried this last year and I know it’s a full time job. I hope it gets easier once the kid goes off to school. Is that true?
We still have a few years before all ours are in school. Check back with me then — if I’m not retired by then!
To be honest, part of it is to have a catchy title. It’s an easy way to explain my effort to quit my job. People can work part-time in retirement and people still consider them retired. So why can’t I work a few days a week and still be retired?
I have a coworker whose husband just retired because he is older than her. Yet, he is still considered retired even though his wife still works… Many people retire at diff. Times.
At the same time, you do have a point that we don’t call stay at home moms retired…
Except for when I read a couple examples of women writing articles in large publications teaching other people how they retired at 30 through savings, discipline, etc. And then you find out that their husband works and is the bread winner.
As a man, look out for these articles and wonder……..
Ideally, it wouldn’t matter one bit who made more, who (if either) stayed home, etc. Both can be providers for one another, right? It’s good in theory and seems logical, but then there’s that social conditioning factor that sneaks its way into the picture:)
If more women would allow men to stay at home and chillax, more men would find it OK. Hence, we can blame women for this social conditioning right?!
I couldn’t stop laughing while reading this post. You crack me up Sam! I am happy with my job right now so I wouldn’t be upset if my hubbie decided to work from home or “retire” but its something I’d want to prepare for and discuss at length before hand. I’m sure I’d feel a bit jealous at times when my work stress piles up but at the same time I’d just ask him to help me with more stuff lol. I’d love to have dinner on the table, folded laundry put away, and a clean house when I got home but I realize how much time all of that takes since I do all that now while working and blogging and I’m sure my dh would scowl if he heard I wanted him to do all that lol. What’s more important is for each spouse to find their happy place in whatever career they want and preparing and saving to support that lifestyle imo. -Sydney
Glad you enjoyed it Sydney! Where’d all the women go? I’d love to get more of the woman’s perspective.
I hate FOLDING laundry! I don’t mind doing laundry, if I can just dump the clothes all in a pile afterward :) I LOVE cleaning the house, but then I can’t cook for SQUADOOSH! I’ll just order take out everyday for us, hahaha.
I hate folding laundry too! I can throw it in and put it in the dryer, but before when I was living on my own, I’d just pick out clothes from the basket when I needed to wear it.
Now my wife folds the laundry cause she actually loves to do laundry. How did I get so lucky! Haha
Although not quite the same, my wife told me she wants to continue working when I retire! I was shocked, but not really. She loves her career and this is her words. “What would I do? Shop all the time! When you love what you do itis not work. She gets 4 weeks vacation so it won’t affect our travel. I’m sure she can get more time off if needed. The money is not the issue, staying busy is. We are both starting to volunteer on a regular basis this quarter, so it may change.
If I needed my wife to support me, i would not be very comfortable being at home. It is different if it had a purpose such as taking care of the children. Personally, I would enjoy being home all the time.
More power to you if your wife wants to make some more moolah and stay away from you for half the day!
Absence makes the heart grow fonder! Nah! We need our separate interests and fulfilling careers to have something to share or just make us better.
Nice thoughts sam – I think that if I stayed at home all day it would be fun, but tough to get stuff done. Right now I do all the cooking because my fiancee doesnt really seem to enjoy the cooking/meal planning, so I volunteered to do it, and I like it! I dont think you can call becoming a stay at home parent (mom OR dad) retirement – you’re living off of someone else’s income, not some interest from assets or passive income (though your souse could be part of your asset class, and all of their work would be passive income for you).
Squillers has a good point with the social conditioning – 50k/year is 50k, no matter who earns it if it’s enough for the family to get by. As far as staying home, I wouldnt mind doing it for a few months, but I doubt I could handle it full time.
Nice job Chef Jeff! I think you have to teach her to cook, as cooking together is fun and she’s gotta learn sometime to alternate the duties!
I honestly would not mind Beaker staying at home and being a stay-home husband. But I would expect him to work at home as well: clean, cook and do something useful (writing a book perhaps.) I am a very demanding wife I guess.
I think I could live with that too. Maybe have a Stepford husband, who does some high end volunteering too. Is there a Junior League equivalent for men? :)
This is odd for me, because we knew from the beginning that if/when we had kids (we don’t yet) that we would want one of us to stay home or work part time if we could afford it. We also have always known I would be the primary earner. So our plan from the beginning was for C to be the SAHP when there were kids.
He started staying home sooner because of a layoff, and now he’s in school full time (which is just as much/more work than working). It hasn’t been a big deal for us, though, because this is something we’ve talked about from the start of our relationship.
What about allowing “C” to launch first, and get a career and see how it goes? No point going to school without testing the labor market no?
We’re in our mid-30s. C did launch. Then the recession hit. He was laid off May 2009. He’d been with that company since 2002. They decided that their tech support guys could do sales and let their entire sales staff go.
He worked for the census summer 2010, but otherwise, in over two years on UE, with a minimum of 10 jobs applied to every week (which is a lot more than UE requires) he got 2 interviews in 2 years. Both times, he made it to the final round, but didn’t get the job.
Mostly companies were looking for people with degrees but no experience. C was the opposite. So, he started talking about going back to school to get his degree. He started with evening only classes about 6 months before UE ended (still looking for full time work), and then went full time this last summer when UE benefits ran out.
The current plan doesn’t have him done with school for another 3.5 years (combo BA/BS followed by an MS in pure math), with kids (hopefully) coming before he’s done.
We’ll reevaluate the plan as necessary.
Ahhh, got it. Thanks for the clarification! Go C!
Do you have any posts or thoughts on the easy or difficulty of getting unemployment? Is it standard 26 weeks, and then file for extension etc? Love to read them.
I’m also a stay-at-home dad since early 2010 but I would hardly refer to it as retirement. I think any guy that refers to it as that is either not a stay-at-home dad or he is just being humorous. :D
We did what made the most sense for our family and both of us are glad we did. My wife studied to be a nurse so when she graduated it would have been stupid (in our opinion) for her not to use the degree we went into debt for in 2007. We would have been able to cope with both of us working but we were really not keen on daycare or the cost associated with it.
When we had our second child, since my wife was the one with the better insurance (Hospital insurance…hello) we made the decision for me to stay home. Since then we’ve had another one so now I have a 5 yo, a 2 yo, and a 6 mo to take care of all while managing EOD, writing for numerous publications, starting my own printing company and taking on the huge responsibility of homeschooling our 5 year old.
Now 2 years later, my wife and I have already started our transition to bring her home more too. Our goal is for both of us to stay at home/work at home.
She now works 2-12 hour shifts a week (as opposed to 4-12’s), gets to spend lots more time with our kids AND she is amping up her eBay business.
Debt freedom has given us the opportunity to craft the life we want to live and staying at home is a part of that. I think the life we’re living is actually better than retirement because we’re doing what we love to do, not shackled by debt and get to spend an amazing amount of time with our kids.
I used to care what people thought and said but I could care less now. Hate it or think whatever you want; we are riding the wave of life the way we want to instead of sheepishly living it the way society says we should.
Sounds good Brad! Looks like your plan is working and you’re doing what’s best for your family. I wrote this post for Stay At Home Men everywhere to stand up, and be proud! Don’t let women who look down on men for staying at home get us down. We must fight back and live like we want!
Good job getting out of debt. How many kids y’all have now?
Oh Sam! Personally I think that whoever stays at home can’t be lazy and should support the working spouse.
I don’t think it matters whether the person who stays at home is male or female. There are some very highly paid women out there (e.g. physicians) who prefer to work and they would make more money than their husbands would. And it works for them.
I think families try hard to make things work for the family and each family is individual. Of course I would be pissed if he was just sitting around all day doing jack sh*t but I would make sure he was not slacking off.
Too much of a SMB is a turn off and a guy who is too much of a slacker is a turn off too.
I guess from a female’s perspective, here’s my old post on powerful women:
https://youngandthrifty.ca/relationships-money/are-financially-independent-women-a-turn-on/
I agree! Support the working spouse! I love cleaning the house and make sure my partner is relaxed when she comes home!
I KNOW you would make sure he’s not slacking off, which is why I wrote my tip:
* Always carry a smartphone. Even if you’re sleeping in until 10am, make sure you have a smartphone to insta-respond to text messages when she checks in on you during her work breaks. If you don’t respond within 15 minutes max, she’s going to start wondering whether you’re smoking her cigarettes, playing Xbox with 15 year olds, cavorting with other women, and get pissed! She might also figure out that you’re sleeping in, like the lazy man that you are!
We men must unite!
It is definitely not cool to retire early AND require your wife to work to support you. But, if you retire with a pension and are self supporting and your wife simply wants to keep working, then that is more than ok.
Why not though? Don’t wives do that all the time and make us guys work til death? “Get back to work honey! Don’t quit your job before you have another!”
With my job I get a weekday off every week. I love it when my wife gets up and goes to work, while I’m just sleeping in – but she hates it. If it happened everyday, she would kill me!
What about the power of love Rob??
I agree with Hank. The ultimate freedom is having the choice as to whether you want to work or not. This applies to both you and your spouse.
I don’t agree, b/c I know tons of guys whose wives don’t work and don’t have kids either. We need equality for men!
I think the idea of gender dynamics in relationship roles is absolute crap, and only exists when we make it that way. My mom was a WAHM (Work at home because she had a home business on top of being at every field trip), and I asked her once who made dinner when my folks were both working long hour jobs. She looked at me deadpanned and said, “Whoever got home first.” There was no his jobs and her jobs, it was whoever saw it and had an available moment to do it, did.
Fast forward 20 years, in our seven years together there have been times where either my husband or I have been unemployed or working from home, or working part time or full time. We like to eat so we cook. We have a house so we take care of it.
Right now it’s my husband’s slow season so he’s essentially a SAHH. He helps me out with the house while I’m working, keeps the four-legged kids out from underfoot, cooked me breakfast (!!!!), and plays video games. We support each other. He can play whatever he wants because he’s an awesome husband and we love each other to pieces.
Your mom is a wise woman! “Whoever got home first” is brilliant, and I’m sure that has led to a fantastic marriage.
Team work makes the dream work!
They were married for 24 years until my Dad passed away. It was definitely work. But a strong relationship is. It’s just work with the best, most legit reward ever.
We have the same rule in my house. Whoever gets home first makes dinner. I’m usually home first so I cook but then my husband does the dishes (that’s another rule–one cooks, the other does the dishes). We also split household chores pretty equally based on what we’re good at and what we like to do (ex., I hate yardwork and he love it and he hates running household errands and I treat it like a vacation). We’ve been together over 15 years, married for almost 8. It’s a system that works. We don’t mess with it.
As far as him wanting to be a SAHD, if I were making enough money and he wanted to, that would be fine with me. However, my husband likes going to work and all the childcare stuff gets frustrating for him after awhile. He did stay home for 2 months after I went back to work after maternity leave. He enjoyed it but he missed working.
If he did stay home, I can’t imagine that he’d call it retirement, though.
It’s amazing that you found what works and just stuck with it. I see a lot of people who always try to mess with what works trying to find “better.” “Better” is what makes you guys happy and you nailed it! My husband vacuums and does laundry. I pick up the dog poop and dust. It’s like a puzzle.
It would be great to semi-retire now!
Unfortunately I don’t have enough income producing assets or enough side income from blogging to make that leap (yet).
I totally agree though, unfortunately my wife (for the most part) is a SAHM, so there is no getting her to go to work while I say at home unless I make a lot of money, somehow…
It would be amazing though! I would like to tentatively signup for a future someday (lol), hopefully!
What would it take for you to become semi or full retired Don?
The tips for convincing women about your stay-at-home status is slightly superficial. If you don’t feel truly how long can you go on saying one good word about her work a week?
The article was really good read. I needed that laughter today. Thanks for providing that. As of now my wife is stay-at-home.
Glad to make you laugh SB! Your lady stays at home I think you write, yes? What does she do at home?
I don’t think Mrs. 101 has ever seen herself as being retired. I’ve done my bit at full-time SAHD, and can be bloody hard work at times, not the least of which getting motivated to wear proper clothes and not lounge around in underwear :-)
Still, I wouldn’t mind if the roles were reversed.
I think deep down inside Andrew, you wouldn’t mind drinking beer in your undies and kicking back at home, working online for a year or two as she goes and brings home the bacon!
Definitely cheating as far as ‘retirement’ goes if the wife is still at work and bringing home money that is needed in order to maintain you lifestyle or contribute in anyway to your outgoings. That said I love the potential here. Great tips on convincing the missus Sam, maybe I’ll start planting a few seeds after she finishes her maternity leave? On second thought, I’ve seen how much she manages to get done at home with a child while heavily pregnant… she would put me to shame!
You should definitely plant. The first thing every woman wants to do after maternity leave is go back to work for 50-60 hour a week! Well, maybe not :)
Don’t underestimate your SAHM abilities!
Absolutely hilarious! “Have you ever seen a female cable guy” love it. I think you hit on some definite truths here that most of us don’t like to acknowledge. Personally, there is often tension between my girl and I because she gets upset I put too much time into developing my side gig. I’ve noticed this is fairly typical amongst bloggers, and I try to reassure her that any money I make and invest at this point in our lives, will compound and allow us to retire together earlier and spend a ton of time together. The plan should work… if I make it that far!
Yeah dude! Always use the words “We” and “Us” to keep her on board, or at… bay!
I think that it would be pretty cool if my boyfriend (once we get married and have kids) stayed at home with the kids, but I think you’re right – I don’t see the cooking, cleaning, etc to be consistent with him, where it would be with me. Being a stay at home parent is a full-time job, though! Retirement would only happen once the kids are out of the house and then the stay-at-home-er could definitely be seen as retired.
Hi Daisy, may I ask how you guys know you are sure you want to have kids?
I guess you can never be sure 100% until you experience having kids, but I think the boy and I both have always wanted kids. It was never really a discussion – it was always assumed that we would just have them eventually.
I love this post!
I have a life somewhat like you’re describing and it’s a pretty sweet gig. I always thought that I would go back to work for someone else when the kids got to be a certain age, and I did for a while, but I much, much prefer building something of my own. So I work at keeping the books for two small family businesses and growing my blog, and have started doing some community volunteering. And I still love making a home and take care of my family, even though the kids don’t need me in the same way they once did.
I have the greatest husband in the world…he just wants me to be happy. When I’m happy, he’s happy. It just so happens that he’s happiest when working for money and I’m happy on the home front.
Julie, sounds like a match made in heaven! That’s awesome you guys are so compatible this way. Really, I think it is wonderful. You would be a great partner for anyone!
I think it would be cool to do at some point in my career IF I were living this life and had blogging on the side. I’d want to contribute in some way, always have some sort of entrepreneurial gig. While being at home w the kids is daunting at first (I have them alone for a girls’ weekend out or whatever), eventually you get in a routine and/or get bored, especially during naptime! I think in a different life, if I didn’t have some other outlet, it would be tough for me to be a stay at home dad.
Agreed. This blogging outlet has really helped us men consider different possibilities in life!
The fact is that my husband is just a better suited SAHD. He is better at talking to the baby for hours on end, better at being patient. That being said, both of us suck at cleaning, and our house is always a mess. I’m better at cooking, but that’s because I like it.
If I was able to get a job I loved making tons of money that allowed my husband to stay at home with the kids, I totally would while they were young. As they got older, he wouldn’t be content to not have anything to do while the kids are at school – so he would definitely get a job or start a consulting business.
Ahh, patience is a virtue. Time for you to hurry up and make the big bucks then Kris!
Indeed! In anything, there is give and take. I think all woman would accept this proposal by men!
Awesome! Hurry up and do so before she CHANGES HER MIND! For some reason, lots of women change their mind after only several years, or after they have kids. Donno why that is!
Amen, brother! Amen! I have been a stay at home dad of a two year old and an 8 month old for the last year. The looks that I get at the grocery store from other moms as I tickle my kids’ bellies is priceless. The first question I am asked is “So, today must be your day off?” “No,” I reply, “I do this every day.” It’s funny how stay-at-home dads are presumed to be unemployed men who cannot find a job, while stay-at-home moms are just that – stay-at-home moms. The truth is that my wife and I decided that it would be best for our family if I temporarily left my career to support hers and my children. At least I will always have the support and mutual respect of my fellow Junior Leaguers here in Newport Beach. Although my suggestion for a beer pong and mud wrestling fundraiser did not go over as well as I had hoped…
Missed this one the first time but saw it on your Best Of list. I think I’ll leave this up on the computer so she’ll see it the next time she’s on. I have no problem with my wife working and making more than me. And now that we have a 10 month old, I’m considering being a stay at home dad like Adam more and more every day.
Jason, good on yah mate!
It’s a two step process to first convince the wife, and then to convince other guys that it’s OK for men to stay at home too!
Enjoy your baby!
If my wife had to work while I stayed at home, I would be momentarily happy and long-term depressed. EVERYONE should work, even infants can be well-paid paperweights.
Though I agree with many of the things you said, “wage gap” is a myth created by the left to further demonize us men.
I’ve told my husband many times over the past few years that he doesn’t have to work if he doesn’t want to. Right now, he is working two lower-paying jobs just because he likes them, but the plan is for him to be a stay-at-home dad once we have kids, something that he’s looking forward to and I think he will be great at.