When I was younger I got my heart broken by an older woman. It took about two months to muster up the courage to ask her out and when I did, all she responded was, “Sorry, I don’t date sophomores.”
No matter what I said, or what nice things I did for Karen, she was out of my league since I was younger. Karen was a 17 year old junior, and I was an incredibly good looking and intelligent 16 year old. I’m not making this up. This is exactly what my mom told me every time I brought her cupcakes.
The rejection was devastating until a bright light named Stephanie joined my high school as a freshman. Stephanie was Karen’s younger sister and she was hot! In fact, Stephanie was even more beautiful than her older sister, and I just had to pursue.
For one semester, Stephanie and I had a frolicking good time. We hung out after school together almost every single day. She’d come watch my tennis matches and I’d take her to McDonald’s afterward for some hot apple pie and McLovin. Let’s just say that older sister Karen wasn’t very happy with either of us. ‘Til this day, I don’t know why! Ladies, please explain!
BOYS TO MEN
Women think men are immature. Perhaps it starts off in the 1st grade when we’re running around yelling with blue slurpee stains on our Sesame Street t-shirts. Or perhaps the perception starts in the 7th grade where we start snapping one too many bras. Maybe women think men are immature because even at 45, with our receding hair and ever expanding girth, we act like college dudes chasing tail even though we no longer have game.
Yes, men are immature, but only because women let us be immature. Being a goofball is the path of least resistance. Since we were wee lads, girls have always discriminated against younger boys in school. “He’s a freshmen? Gaawd, eww! So immature!” Oh gosh, how lame.
As a result of our consistent rejections by “older” women, we don’t like dating older women. We’ve been conditioned to be afraid, therefore we stay away.
Yet a funny thing happens as men get older. We get to date more and more women since there are more and more younger women to choose from! Meanwhile, as women get older, given they believe younger men are irrationally “eww”, their choice gets smaller and smaller.
Is the dwindling selection of men as women get older simply karma for rejecting us boys in school? Or is the supply shrinkage a decision by women to stubbornly continue to refuse dating younger men?
To answer these question, I surveyed roughly 25 men and 25 women ages 21-45 to get their viewpoints. Let’s go through some of the results.
THE GOLDEN CROSS OF LOVE
The Golden Cross Of Love happens for men at age 35. With 10+ years of savings and a career he is proud of, 35 year old men are feeling confident. Fitness levels are generally good given illnesses, sports injuries, and work haven’t had enough time to plague a body yet. The only thing missing from this single man’s life by definition, is a life partner.
By the time you’re in your 30s, you’re able to buy a comfortable car and a property to call your own provided you’ve been saving and working since college. It doesn’t mean you have to buy these things, but just knowing the fact that you can provides a 35 year old man a wealth of confidence.
Any single man in their 30s also has enough rejections from women to fill a notebook that could turn into a screen play. After a while, men become inured to a woman’s dismissal, which ironically makes them more attractive because of an added level of confidence, that leads to better dialogue and approachability.
Of the 25 single men I surveyed ages 30-40, they all agree that around 35 is the best time for a man to be single. One of the key reasons is because they find women ages 35 and younger to be the most ideal. Above 35 is less ideal and not bad so don’t be offended please if you are 36+. The 25 men simply admitted that they prefer women in this age range.
What about the Golden Cross Of Love for women?
Interestingly enough, the 25 single women surveyed ranging from 26-42 admitted that 35 is the age where it becomes less ideal for single women. In fact, a number of females responded that after 35, their dating lives fell of a cliff, partly because guys wanted to date younger women, which is consistent with women’s desires to date older men.
The Golden Cross of Love for women is scattered. Many said between ages 25-28 is the most ideal age for dating. However, some also said being 30-33 was also very satisfying since they felt secure with themselves. Nobody said over age 35 is ideal, although those above 35 have found loving older men as well.
The women in their mid-30’s said they mostly dated men in their 40’s, which begs the question: What happened to the men ages 35-39? Nothing happened to them, as it goes back to the Golden Cross Of Love at 35, where men have been condition to date younger women. The 35-39 year old man is dating the under 35 year old woman.
Other Points from the Survey
* Whether a woman is 24-29, it doesn’t matter. A 29 year old is just as attractive to a man as a 24 year old. The 24 year old has no competitive advantage over the 29 year old in other words.
* There is a perception difference between a 29 year old and a 30 year old woman, even if it’s just a one year difference. At age 30, women and men are viewed much older than the one year difference. Men do have a slight preference for the 30 year old than the 35 year old, all else being equal due to the optionality of having kids.
* There is a lower limit ideal age for men. The formula men like to use is half his age + 7 i.e. a 36 old prefers to date women 25 years old or older.
* Some women don’t care about age, just like some men don’t mind dating older women. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule, but they are a ~20% minority. Women respond by saying that “So long as there is chemistry, age doesn’t matter.” Men, not so much. Men focus more on the age given there are enough women ages 21-35.
* At 60 years old, the activity for men drops off a cliff since 60 is the age women surveyed would be the limit in terms of dating since the oldest woman I surveyed was 42. However not all is lost. Many say that 60 is the new 40, so perhaps in 10 years, women will decide that it’s OK to date younger men, and all this nonsense will be for not!
MEN LOOK FORWARD TO GETTING OLDER
Thanks to women only wanting to date older men, and to fantastic comments from self-proclaimed attractive women in their 20’s and early 30’s who say they enjoy dating men 10-15 years their senior, men look forward to getting even older than 35! Can you imagine the Golden Cross of Love being 35, where you get the most selection, yet attractive women pine for men in their mid 40’s as well? Fantastico!
Instead of harboring resentment for women who rejected you when you were younger, like they rejected me, you should embrace the rejection and be thankful. Nobody really looks forward to getting older because that’s just one year closer to death. But thanks to women, single men everywhere are looking forward to getting old so they can play the entire field!
Readers, why do you think women are so focused on dating older men? Is it really an immaturity thing? Do you think 35 years old is the Golden Age of Love for men? What do you think it is for women? Does dating activity really drop off for women after 35 in your experience?
Why do women bash men who date younger women, when women reject younger men? If you are woman, what is the widest age gap you’ve ever had with a man you’ve dated?
Photo: Donkeys In Love, Santorini. SD
Dr. Sam Love