When I was younger I got my heart broken by an older woman. It took about two months to muster up the courage to ask her out and when I did, all she responded was, “Sorry, I don’t date sophomores.”
No matter what I said, or what nice things I did for Karen, she was out of my league since I was younger. Karen was a 17 year old junior, and I was an incredibly good looking and intelligent 16 year old. I’m not making this up. This is exactly what my mom told me every time I brought her cupcakes.
The rejection was devastating until a bright light named Stephanie joined my high school as a freshman. Stephanie was Karen’s younger sister and she was hot! In fact, Stephanie was even more beautiful than her older sister, and I just had to pursue.
For one semester, Stephanie and I had a frolicking good time. We hung out after school together almost every single day. She’d come watch my tennis matches and I’d take her to McDonald’s afterward for some hot apple pie and McLovin. Let’s just say that older sister Karen wasn’t very happy with either of us. ‘Til this day, I don’t know why! Ladies, please explain!
BOYS TO MEN
Women think men are immature. Perhaps it starts off in the 1st grade when we’re running around yelling with blue slurpee stains on our Sesame Street t-shirts. Or perhaps the perception starts in the 7th grade where we start snapping one too many bras. Maybe women think men are immature because even at 45, with our receding hair and ever expanding girth, we act like college dudes chasing tail even though we no longer have game.
Yes, men are immature, but only because women let us be immature. Being a goofball is the path of least resistance. Since we were wee lads, girls have always discriminated against younger boys in school. “He’s a freshmen? Gaawd, eww! So immature!” Oh gosh, how lame.
As a result of our consistent rejections by “older” women, we don’t like dating older women. We’ve been conditioned to be afraid, therefore we stay away.
Yet a funny thing happens as men get older. We get to date more and more women since there are more and more younger women to choose from! Meanwhile, as women get older, given they believe younger men are irrationally “eww”, their choice gets smaller and smaller.
Is the dwindling selection of men as women get older simply karma for rejecting us boys in school? Or is the supply shrinkage a decision by women to stubbornly continue to refuse dating younger men?
To answer these question, I surveyed roughly 25 men and 25 women ages 21-45 to get their viewpoints. Let’s go through some of the results.
THE GOLDEN CROSS OF LOVE
The Golden Cross Of Love happens for men at age 35. With 10+ years of savings and a career he is proud of, 35 year old men are feeling confident. Fitness levels are generally good given illnesses, sports injuries, and work haven’t had enough time to plague a body yet. The only thing missing from this single man’s life by definition, is a life partner.
By the time you’re in your 30s, you’re able to buy a comfortable car and a property to call your own provided you’ve been saving and working since college. It doesn’t mean you have to buy these things, but just knowing the fact that you can provides a 35 year old man a wealth of confidence.
Any single man in their 30s also has enough rejections from women to fill a notebook that could turn into a screen play. After a while, men become inured to a woman’s dismissal, which ironically makes them more attractive because of an added level of confidence, that leads to better dialogue and approachability.
Of the 25 single men I surveyed ages 30-40, they all agree that around 35 is the best time for a man to be single. One of the key reasons is because they find women ages 35 and younger to be the most ideal. Above 35 is less ideal and not bad so don’t be offended please if you are 36+. The 25 men simply admitted that they prefer women in this age range.
What about the Golden Cross Of Love for women?
Interestingly enough, the 25 single women surveyed ranging from 26-42 admitted that 35 is the age where it becomes less ideal for single women. In fact, a number of females responded that after 35, their dating lives fell of a cliff, partly because guys wanted to date younger women, which is consistent with women’s desires to date older men.
The Golden Cross of Love for women is scattered. Many said between ages 25-28 is the most ideal age for dating. However, some also said being 30-33 was also very satisfying since they felt secure with themselves. Nobody said over age 35 is ideal, although those above 35 have found loving older men as well.
The women in their mid-30’s said they mostly dated men in their 40’s, which begs the question: What happened to the men ages 35-39? Nothing happened to them, as it goes back to the Golden Cross Of Love at 35, where men have been condition to date younger women. The 35-39 year old man is dating the under 35 year old woman.
Other Points from the Survey
* Whether a woman is 24-29, it doesn’t matter. A 29 year old is just as attractive to a man as a 24 year old. The 24 year old has no competitive advantage over the 29 year old in other words.
* There is a perception difference between a 29 year old and a 30 year old woman, even if it’s just a one year difference. At age 30, women and men are viewed much older than the one year difference. Men do have a slight preference for the 30 year old than the 35 year old, all else being equal due to the optionality of having kids.
* There is a lower limit ideal age for men. The formula men like to use is half his age + 7 i.e. a 36 old prefers to date women 25 years old or older.
* Some women don’t care about age, just like some men don’t mind dating older women. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule, but they are a ~20% minority. Women respond by saying that “So long as there is chemistry, age doesn’t matter.” Men, not so much. Men focus more on the age given there are enough women ages 21-35.
* At 60 years old, the activity for men drops off a cliff since 60 is the age women surveyed would be the limit in terms of dating since the oldest woman I surveyed was 42. However not all is lost. Many say that 60 is the new 40, so perhaps in 10 years, women will decide that it’s OK to date younger men, and all this nonsense will be for not!
MEN LOOK FORWARD TO GETTING OLDER
Thanks to women only wanting to date older men, and to fantastic comments from self-proclaimed attractive women in their 20’s and early 30’s who say they enjoy dating men 10-15 years their senior, men look forward to getting even older than 35! Can you imagine the Golden Cross of Love being 35, where you get the most selection, yet attractive women pine for men in their mid 40’s as well? Fantastico!
Instead of harboring resentment for women who rejected you when you were younger, like they rejected me, you should embrace the rejection and be thankful. Nobody really looks forward to getting older because that’s just one year closer to death. But thanks to women, single men everywhere are looking forward to getting old so they can play the entire field!
Readers, why do you think women are so focused on dating older men? Is it really an immaturity thing? Do you think 35 years old is the Golden Age of Love for men? What do you think it is for women? Does dating activity really drop off for women after 35 in your experience?
Why do women bash men who date younger women, when women reject younger men? If you are woman, what is the widest age gap you’ve ever had with a man you’ve dated?
Loading ... Loading ...Related:
Wedding Spending Rules If You Don’t Want To End Up Broke And Alone
As a wealthy investor I won’t date a single mom because she has already shown poor judgement. Single women are not all saints and can sometimes be far worse than the problems associated with single mothers. I often caution young men who work for me regarding single moms. When I see a tatted up and pierced woman I immediately rule her out also. She obviously has esteem issues that led her to deface her body and these issues will surface at some point. I don’t want her on my arm at an elegant event with colleagues and have all those tattoos exposed down her neck, back, arms etc… they just look trashy ladies so don’t do it.
There are men suited for single moms but in general single moms don’t want them but must settle for them, Beta males! These men will accept the job as cuck and provider for someone else’s children. A huge problem for single mom’s is also that many modern males have no drive for success. The adolescent millenial men who play video games all day, smoke pot and generally just want to do nothing are not good options even for single mothers. My advice for successful men is to avoid the #metoo problems and just set a sugar baby contract where you can have the company of a female when needed but not the expense or drama of having to deal with them all the time. This strategy is becoming more popular amongst the older 40’s – 60’s wealthier men. Be sure to have the arrangement drawn up by an attorney so it’s airtight for you!
Just had this conversation with my mother, in relation to advice for my son. That said, given the percentage of divorce, there is a difference between a “ single mom”, in her 20’s never married etc, and someone over 30+ who has been divorced and like her ex- husband, is a single parent. As a millennial, it also seems a rigid perspective-tattoos = lo esteem etc. The narrative painted sounds more like a flat character from a trailer park. Lastly, I genuinely smirk when reading the “age = declined options”, for woman because being of mixed race, the concept of aging and beauty dying at 25 is vastly Anglo-American, and can be hurtful to younger Anglo girls.
Just to give all you guys and girls hope – once you breeze through 70, you’ll find the scenery is still quite lovely. I’ve been dating a woman my own age for three years. We are deliriously happy – just the right combination of love, lust, respect, admiration, companionship, and playfulness. We’re both quite, uh, experienced, but we agree this the best sex we’ve ever had!
Well since feminism took over which really adds to the problem why so many of us men can’t find love at all since these type of women are really to blame now for that one. I would really like to meet a good woman to share my life with, instead of growing old all alone which i am sure many other men do feel the same way as well. Most women as it is are just real men haters which most of these women to begin with are gay as well, and this makes it very difficult for many of us serious straight good men trying to find love today since it was a lot easier meeting a good woman in the past when most women were very old fashioned and a lot nicer than today. Born in the wrong ERA unfortunately for many of us men today that really hate being single and alone all the time since it definitely has so many disadvantages as well.
I’m 35 and always dated older men (~10 years older). My fiance passed away recently from cancer (he was 43 and soulmate) and I’m really hating trying this online dating stuff for the first time in my life, particularly as I could easily pass for a 28 yr old (in looks and definitely in energy/personality). Obviously I’m not going to lie about my age, but I definitely feel like I’m missing out meeting guys I would click with because of a stupid meaningless number! I’ve both achieved a lot for my age AND I’m still a teenager at heart. I’m completely open to dating younger guys now as long as they’re smart, ambitious and thoughtful (and don’t mind that I’m older…patriarchy sucks lmao!). I always thought early to mid thirties was the idea age for men even when I was 20, but I have a feeling I will end up dating 20 somethings at this point. I’d love to date a 40 something but most of the good ones are either married or creepy (literally say they only date 20 somethings, models, whatever. I guess they’d be married anyway if they weren’t creepy LMAO!). My hunch is online dating is a complete and utter waste of time and the only decent way to meet men of any age is in person (work, school, bars, events?). We’ll see!
I never rejected men because of their age. In my teens and early 20s I didn’t even think much about age. At 20 I was dating a 34 year old man who needed viagra, looked 50 and was extremely controlling. I left him and met another man who was 33 looked his age and was very sweet. Neither one of us was ready to settle down so I went on to date men of various ages. The youngest was 19, oldest was 48. I dated in my age group as well but not much came out of anything. One of my longest relationships started at 26 with a guy only one year my junior. We stayed together on an off until I was 33 and realized after having a child with him that he was playing around behind my back. At 34 I met a 25 year old who thought I was lying when I told him my age. He thought I was 19 or 20 and too young for him! I got so frustrated even though I was flattered and pulled out my drivers license so he could see I was really 34. Long story short I’m 36 now and married to an almost 27 year old man. We are expecting a baby girl and he loves my son like hes his own. Funny part is people think that I’m younger than my husband despite me being 10 years older..I was attractive in my 20s but chubby and have more men chasing me now than in my 20s because although I’ve always been told I have a beautiful face I now have the body to match. But even though its flattering I would never betray my husband. My 35 year old ex meanwhile who is the father of my son has aged badly, gained weight and cant find a woman of any age. Another thing I’ve noticed is the guys who I dated my age in my 20s who were too busy playing the field to settle down are looking the same as my ex and not pulling in any younger girls. Point is some young women look for older men for security or think they’re more mature and less likely to play games but a lot of men in their 30s are still as immature as their 20s. Most of my friends in their 30s are just now marrying and having kids and I’m the only one in my group with a much younger husband. I think for whatever reason people in my generation decided to wait longer for marriage and kids than previous generations. My husbands friends however are all married and or have kids so seems like his generation is not waiting.
Well there are a lot of us good single men that hate growing old all alone by ourselves to begin with. Now with so many women nowadays that have a Career making their six figure salary. Well Whoop De Do for you, since most of you women to begin with are so very high maintenance, independent, very selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, narcissists, and so very money hungry as well altogether. And they have the worst personality of them all and no good manners either, and they really think they really are God’s gift to men, but are total losers the way i see it since they really have such a very bad attitude problem too. A very excellent reason why so many men are going MGTOW today, especially with these very pathetic women around today that Aren’t really nice at all to meet these days unfortunately anyway. Real Ladies which most women were in the past, and the very complete opposite of today altogether as well.
MGTOW is excellent because it keeps all the sociopathic misogynists away from us normal women, well adjusted. I’m really sorry you’ve had bad experiences with women (most of the women AND men I know are pretty lovely in general…). Most of us aren’t like that though. There are two alternatives here:
1) you live in a place with lots of awful women, in which case you should definitively move!
2) your bad attitude is turning away all the lovely, nice women
Women having good jobs has absolutely nothing to do with how they view nice, kind, well adjusted men. The only difference between the past and now is some women were forced to stay in abusive relationships with sociopaths so they didn’t starve. In fact, women having financial freedom opens the door for us to date all sorts of men and not have to fight over the rich ones, which is great!
Now fortunately 90+% of men and women are good and decent people and not sociopaths, so most of us aren’t having an issue dating other than the usual “have to kiss a lot of frogs/frogesses” problem.
Well lets face the real truth here, most women today have really changed for the worst of all now since Feminism has really caused this real mess to begin with unfortunately. And there are many of us good single men out there that Aren’t abusive at all, and would really know how to treat a good woman very well and with a lot of respect too. Most women are real feminists nowadays which they really are nothing but real men haters which makes it very sad how the women today have completely changed from the old days. And just saying good morning or hello to a woman that many of us men would really like to meet has really become so very risky for most of us now too. And On Line dating is a real joke now as well.
To Suavis, What makes you think that women are normal today? NOT.
Nope, nice try. Women’s financial freedom LIMITS choices since women only want men who make more than they do (possibly so they can clean up during divorce, I don’t know). So now the pool of eligible men has drastically shrunken.
What a bunch of creepy guys. Why don’t you just grow up. If a young woman is with an old geezer – 45 plus she is after something other than you’re personality. Believe me, your sagging balls don’t turn her on.
Said the very pathetic Moron herself.
Well first of all with so many women nowadays that are so very very busy sleeping around with different men all the time which they will never find the time to just commit too only one man since they’re always partying all the time and getting very wasted as well. Just too many very pathetic loser women everywhere today that will never ever be marriage material at all to begin with.
There’s more of a risk for older men when it comes to having children, than older women. A child has a greater chance of developing autism, schizophrenia, or other issues with an older father. Choosing an older man isn’t necessarily a better option. I certainly wouldn’t choose to have children with an older man. Too risky!
https://m.health24.com/Lifestyle/Man/Your-health/first-time-dads-are-getting-older-but-are-there-risks-20180305
Biggest load of rubbish I ever read. The truth is unless a guy is attractive and is rich he will have little to no chance of dating regardless of his age.
The guys rejected in their 20s never forgive and forget and give up on dating and focus on career and earning money. There is no magical turn around for the rejected guys in their 20s becomes older rejected older guys 35+.
MGTOW is the real and very safe way to go, especially with the kind of women that are everywhere today unfortunately.
I am 26-just coming from a relationship with a 49 year old guy. Guess why that ended? He left me for an older, 40 something year old woman, even after having him talking about moving in together, having a kid (which could only happen with a vasectomy reversal in his case, so that meant extra trouble for both of us). Why did I get with him in the first place? First of all, he was exceptionally good looking (we’re talking model looks here) and fit. Would I have even dated him if that was not the case? Surely not. Secondly, even though he could have been my dad we had a lot of common interests. But even then, age difference IS an issue in the real world; sometimes he would ask if I was comfortable being seen out with him (never was), plus he was facing pressure from his friends and family to find someone that he had a future with, and stop wasting time with someone almost half his age. Did he really want to marry? Maybe. Did I picture myself with that man 10+ years from now? Not really. I wouldn’t want to be with a 60 year old in my 30s, nor would I want to have a man that old chasing around kids (he should have grandkids by then). And yes, younger women that date older guys are really suspicious of guys that are pushing 50 (or are over 50) and have never had a family-there is something wrong with that, and that was the case with that guy too. No one really wants someone who is aging desperately hanging onto someone else’s youth for dear life so that they can find some satisfaction in their lives. No one wants to be around men who have to pop pills to get into bed with you when you yourself are in a ripe age to enjoy sex and life in general. I thought it funny he would go self-tanning, or that he hid his presbyopia glasses from me and had trouble typing on his computer. He too-like other men on here I’m sure thought he looked younger than his years, but let me tell you, handsome as he is, he doesn’t, he pretends he does. I really believe that now he must be happier and feeling safer with the other woman-it’s just not the same as it was with me and I understand that. As for me, never even going for 10 year older anymore, only 3-5 years -+, and that is the age limit for men my generation as well. It’s just sad that some old men really think that they can date younger without considering the obvious downsides-I respect that man for doing the right thing and not wasting more time at that age. I think that this article or other entries of this sort are aimed to either guys who cannot get a woman, older or younger, or Trump-style degenerates. It’s a matter of fact; all (educated and not gold diggera) 20-something women want a peer, someone who won’t make people wonder if that’s their dad or not when they go out and whose childhood memories are of the same era. Long term relationships work better with people your own age, full stop. Age difference will make both sides unhappy in the long term.Glad I tried it to see what it is like, honestly. That’s news from the real world, you know, as most people here seem to either be delusional or completely immature.
That was almost interesting to read (if I was your therapist)! Perhaps your “one” experience would not be considered validation of your theory…just a random thought.
I dated a guy 13 years my junior (I looked younger but was honest with him from the first moment). He had problems with the age gap, even though his friends supported it. And it was he who initiated it anyway.
But if you read your article again, you see you contradict yourself. It is guys that want younger women. Basically, because they don’t want anything serious, like starting a family. Guys are considered immature because of running from responsibility. Last year I dateda guy one year my junior, he was 35 then. He talked about marriage and kids, and when things started to get serious, he said he felt too young. At 35!!!! Ther was one before, 30 when I was 34. Yes, it seems only younger guys want to date me. He was all for moving together and have a baby. But, like with the one after him, he bailed. The very evening before moving together… I couldn’t belive when he tried again a year later…My girlfriends keep telling me two things:
1, I should date older guys
2, I should date divorced guys because those who haven’t been committed yet at his age have some kind of phobia or somet other thing is wrong with them.
I tried dating an older guy – and he was way more mature then my former boyfriends!!! But he was also divorced, so I don’t know if it was because of 1, or 2.
Very tough to find a good woman with a real Brain these days.
Lol. Men’s weird neuroses and fantasies.
Who wants to marry a “slut”? Remain single and keep your money, anything else just becomes a walk in a mine field.
https://rationalmale.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/smv_curve1.jpg
Behold the sexual marketplace. Attraction and sexual market value operates (mostly) rationally when looked at objectively. Why are men before 30 less valuable? they have less security to provide. Why are women over 40 less valued in the sexual marketplace? They are no longer young and supple, and (less) capable of reproducing.
What ALL MEN need to KNOW and need to REALIZE and RECOGNIZE is that by age 35 women are just OVER men.
Men are just not worth it to us after this point.
Especially those of us who don’t want kids/a free ride.
Men don’t bring anything else to the table, unless they know how to cook, can make plans and are successful, there is no point in having them around.
No sane person wants ESPN on 24-7.
No sane person wants to cook for and clean up after another grown person.
No sane person will put up with the disgusting displays of immaturity men display at all ages.
No sane person thinks porn is harmless to relationships.
Why would any woman past the age of 35 even entertain the idea of a man in their lives?
It’s all sacrifice with minimal gain.
After a certain point men can’t even get it up anymore.
Totally worthless.
Trust me, us ‘older’ women are NOT pining for any of you, no matter how old, how rich or how young you are.
Sorry.
She’s been hurt before now she hates all men,I can hear the anger in her writing
No I am actually f*cking beautiful, and a professional bodybuilder. And I make my own money and pave my own path.
I find Viagra to be repulsive and men who don’t look like bodybuilders to be repulsive as well.
Men don’t hurt me, I am the heartbreaker.
I just chose to retire from your stupidity so I can spend my time and money on myself and my 2 M3’s.
Yes I own 2 manual M3’s. And have been around the world and have a large savings.
Go piss off, or play some video games or watch some porn. You know, real MANLY things.
LOL, losers.
I am sure you break a lot of mirrors when you look at them.
Yup, someone definatley hurt this girl, its probably hard enough finding a decent guy after age 35 since were attracted to younger women, when you add hating all men on top of that your pretty much guaranteed to repel men.
Then again many women out there are real such Losers anyway.
Truth…..is…..real….
Desperate Housewives & Porn have done a great job making older women seem hotter than ever.
40’s, 45’s, even 50’s
Something (menstruation perhaps?) physically happens in their bodies causing their vaginas to be a bit tighter and drier than before.
Having been with hundreds of women majority of them were older than me.
Its very rare to find a young hot 23 y/o to have an intellectual conversation with,
As you grow older and mature you realize that erection is affected by brain rather than body.
Hence, with a dumb person you’re less likely to get aroused.
Well then again there are many of us good single men that would’ve been married with a good wife and family had we met the right woman to settle down with, and with so much more women today that are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, and very greedy, it is very hard really finding love these days.
I know this article doesn’t necesserily talk about marriage, but the reason why this article tends to be correct is because wome nare looking for Beta Bucks – looking for a stable fool to marry to for status, security, family and children. And then, if they get bored, they can divorce you, take your house, kids, get child support and alimony, while you will be living in 1 room apartment.
Never forget: women love their children more than their husbands, and the status of being “married” and “having a family” is THE real reason why older men become more attractive, not because women starts to have more passion or starts becoming more sexually attracted to older men.
As for me? I am a 25 year old MGTOW. F*ck marriage.
Ok very nice article sounds pretty interesting but it’s funny because in a way I do feel like I relate to it but not entirely.. I’m a 27 year old guy who’s still hasnt found true love and I really don’t care about settling down yet right now and I don’t take relationships that serious to me is all about having a good time and trying new things but as terms of getting older it scares me I don’t know why! Maybe I’m not old enough to know how a fully matured guys life after 31 is like all I know right now is that the 20s have been an experiment for me. I have dated older and younger women but when I turned 25 I started finding girls younger than me much more attractive than older girls and now that I’m 27 it’s still the same I guess the older you get as a guy the more likely you find a younger girl more attractive. Right now at 27 I only date girls 22 to 27. But as far of liking to grow older I’m not sure about that 35 seems pretty old and scary for me. Maybe I’ll think different when I reach that age I still got a whole for that. I’m hoping one day this article would make more sence to me though
Unless you really want kids at 40+ as a guy with good finances just go with escorts or a sugar baby no point in a relationship at our age unless you dont have a sex drive or dont care about superficial features on your woman
I have been dating coach for number of years, and was looking into the topic and stumbled on your post. Over all you are correct, here is some more info and data.
There is actual research that indicated that for women 28 is optimal age. https://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/5645800/Women-happiest-at-28.html
For guys its mid 30s. In-fact 20s for guys usually unhappiest time, 28 was found to one of the more unhappier age for men.
Over the last 5 years we have seen steady growth in demand from female clients. 30% growth in demands. Most female clients are 35+ , for guys most under 30.
Online dating has changed how we date, we have too much choice, which makes us picker, which makes both men and women go on more first dates but less second dates.
Scarier element is lack of approaching need from guys, since approaching develops guys social skills, such as risk taking , dealing with rejection (its part of life, and its a good part, every guy should embrace it in their 20s and not shy away from it), leadership. Those traits are going undeveloped. These are biological traits that directly contribute to mans attractiveness to women subconsciously. A lot of dating is subconscious. This we have seen on the rise for number of years, but online dating was mostly for people over 25, with intro of tinder it has gained unprecedented pace. Everyone is doing online dating. Tinder is gateway online dating drug, very easy to try.
Scariest trend is something else. In undergrad colleges in USA, women graduate 66% to men 34% ( most recent goverment data). Which should be terrifying for women. Since as a woman if you are in your what ever age, you want yourself a guy who is your socio and educational equal. In 20s it is less apparent for a woman as they get approached more, in 30s it becomes a wide spread epidemic. And the gap is growing yearly.
I am glad a lot of your readers, try to be sweet. But in my professional opinion, somebody who worked with singles for many many years, college graduation rate will be the biggest factor in the future for dating unhappiness in women.
What surprising to me, is how little attention this data gets in the media. This will be one of the largest contributor to shift in our dating patterns in the next 10 years. If women think its tough now to find quality guy, they should wait few more years.
Thanks for your perspective. I’m glad to see Google works and is picking up my articles.
I guess I am a different breed of women because I have never found an older man attractive. When a man is more than a year older then me i see them as a big brother or if more then 10 years older as a father type. I love the spirit of younger men! The carefree, child like abandon, passion, playfulness, fun loving, adventurous seeking spirit. I am in my 30’s now and am with a younger man. My first boyfriend was younger then me by 1 1/2 years. I have dated men older only by a year or two. Was married to a man 2 years old for many years. I have found older men just don’t have the energy or passion that I find attractive. The younger men do! But I am not a woman who seeks a man to support me as my father would. And I find that younger men are just as attracted to be. In my teens and now older men that hit on me just seem creepy.
As a single man right now, i would certainly hate to grow old alone by myself. And looking for a good woman nowadays is very hard for me, and i would really hope that i will find that special woman for me since i hate being alone and having no one.
Funny – I’m a 36 yr old woman, and I think my best dating years were 30-34.
After I entered my 30s, I got a lot more offers (since men in their 40s started becoming interested in me, and men in their 20s were still interested), and the offers were more serious. Men suddenly wanted to get married and have kids, which rarely happened in my 20s.
It may have dropped slightly the last couple of years, but my dating life is still better now than when I was in my 20s.
Good to hear! Maybe women and men are becoming much more similar over time.
How are things now?
Now is fine, like I said still better than in my 20s.
About dating with a huge age difference: I prefer dating someone closer to my age. Usually I would consider a guy who is more than 5 years older than me too old.
I have dated a guy 10 years older and I have dated one 10 years younger, but I have found that the age difference is just too big. Both in terms of looks (the guys 10 years younger will remind me of my kid brother and the guy 10 years older will just have too many wrinkles!) and in terms of where we are in life.
A guy 15 years older is way too old. He could be my dad!
All of my friends feel the same way. So I don’t think you should wait too long, Sam! :) If a 32 year woman is very attractive, she can get an attractive 35 year old man – so why would she choose a 47 year old guy?
No she can not get a 35 year old man, unless he is a beta male idiot.
Women over 28 are repulsive. Men’s sex drive is geared up to find young fertile women attractive. All men are the same. A 60 year old man has the same taste in women as an 18 year old man.
The men who say they like experince or older women fall into these category’s.
a) short
b) poor
c) femine
d) dumb
etc etc…
For me as 35 year old man there is no benifit what so ever to going with and old women.
They have nothing to offer. Not only do they look bad, but they have big list of ex lovers.
Only an idiot would go with them.
Lol!!! Im 31 and I have an ex boyfriend who is 33 chasing me for years to be back with him. We broken up and got back together a few times, but he keeps coming back! I look alot younger than my age so it has its perks. To say that no man wants a women in her 30s is some bullish. Ive had more men look at me now than they did when I was in my early 20s. I look better than I did then. No one knows my age unless I told them and they are in some shock. A 30 year old woman is still pretty young, she is still able to bare a good amount of children. What discusses me is the men who say these things about a woman over 30, makes me wonder if some are hidden pedophiles. You sound like one.
excuse me, I mean disgusts
“I look alot younger than my age so it has its perks.”
“I look better than I did then. No one knows my age unless I told them and they are in some shock.”
It’s like you don’t even see the obvious in front of you. You look less than 31. You still are probably in good shape. This means you probably look 25-26. These are the things men are physically attracted to. However after 35, dating for women gets increasingly harder, where it gets easier for men.
From the article “single women surveyed ranging from 26-42 admitted that 35 is the age where it becomes less ideal for single women. In fact, a number of females responded that after 35, their dating lives fell of a cliff, partly because guys wanted to date younger women, which is consistent with women’s desires to date older men.”
Sure some women are beautiful well into their 40’s but they are rare, especially with 2/3rds of women being fat or obese now. So by the time women reach 35 and life begins to wear them down and the single life isn’t as fun. Men are coming into their own and have the means and confidence to date the women they desire with little issue.
“A 30 year old woman is still pretty young, she is still able to bare a good amount of children. ”
True to an extent. But that window is closing very quickly.
https://yourfertility.org.au/for-women/age/
The figures about women, age and fertility
Chances of getting pregnant without IVF
Starting at about age 32, a woman’s chances of conceiving decrease gradually but significantly.
From age 35, the fertility decline speeds up.
By age 40, fertility has fallen by half.
At 30, the chance of conceiving each month is about 20%. At 40 it’s around 5%.
Pregnancy and birth risks for older mothers
The risks of pregnancy and birth complications – and caesarean section – increase with age. Complications include gestational diabetes, placenta praevia, and placenta abruption.
Older women are more likely to have a baby with birth defects or genetic abnormalities.
A woman over 35 is nearly 2.5 times more likely than a younger woman to have a stillbirth. By age 40, she is more than five times more likely to have a stillbirth than a woman under 35.
For a woman aged 40 the risk of miscarriage is greater than the chance of a live birth.
“What discusses me is the men who say these things about a woman over 30, makes me wonder if some are hidden pedophiles. You sound like one.”
I always love when women run out of arguments and start slinging insults. It’s like running out of bullets and the only thing left is to throw the gun. No one is talking about pedofillia here. We are talking about women from 22-28, which was you just a few years ago.
Here’s a couple of videos that might help you understand.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1K8jmDTiY8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8micvx79Vw
Financial Samurai, in your personal opinion, do you find that dating is easier in your 20s or 30s?
I tend to agree here. At 34, I’m playing the field like musical chairs and having fun. I’m established, fit with decent looks. My life is settled and I’m having a blast! I don’t think I’ll ever get married. Its nice to come home to someone when I want to, stay out as late as I want and travel wherever, whenever.
Uhmmm. I am 22 and the oldest man I have dated was 15 yrs older then me. Generally I do date older men simply because of that maturity perception. I have dated guys my age and it was horrible however with my last boyfriend- who was 15 yrs older then me- I realized however that boys will always be boys regardless of their age. I am not against men dating younger women obviously nor am I against women dating younger men. In my experiences dating someone older does have its advantages but there tends to be some sort of power imbalance, with the older much more experienced person in the relationship being at a slight advantage. I remember that being one of the problems in my last relationship.
Case in point, you are in Thailand lol A completely different culture and set of social values. I know tons of younger women dating older men here in the states, and don’t even know 1 where it’s the opposite. I’m 38 and I still have yet to date a girl in her 30’s yet, not even once. Most of the girls I’ve dated came after me as well. I frankly don’t want a girl that has no chance for children and that’s that. My early years [20-30] were spent as most young guys spend it, looking for the next thrill per say. I’m over it, hence why many women have that desire for an older aged man. Is this little survey for everyone? Of course freakin not. The majority of young people still find someone in a smaller range of age, but it doesn’t discount that younger women still desire older men a lot of times.
It’s interesting across cultures isn’t it? So many folks like to blame men for only dating younger women, when it is the younger women who are chasing after older men! Why not just blame the younger women, or women talk to other younger women how it’s not good to go after a stable, wealthy, good looking, mature 35 year old? Makes no sense!
Older men who have never been in committed relationships are an exception since they can be more difficult in personality.
When I was a teenager, I wanted/dated older boys for their muscles and maturity level. As an adult, I found that younger men were not ready to settle down, and older men were. There is this secure “taken care of” feeling with older men.
As a 35 yr old, if I really want it, I know I can get it. As a 25 yr old if I really wanted it, I knew the older guy next to me could get it.
The reply was in response to men being “clueless”…
Haha… I could never date a younger man, I prefer older men – they know what they are talking about :-)
Seriously right! Older men of the world, unite! The 35 year old has nothing on the 40 year old!
I look at a single 35 year old male like I look at a resume with gaps the employment section…very cautiously!!!!
In my opinion, there might be some economic advantage, but not enough to outweigh the other red flags. Relationships are time consuming and involve much self sacrifice. If a man is not married by 35 or has had at least one long term relationship, I question is “need” to be married…needing to have that deep personal connection to someone and be willing to put that relationship before your own personal needs.
He might like the idea of having a wife, but has no idea how that will affect his day to day activities. By the time someone is 35, he has spent his entire adult life focused on his needs, his activities, etc. He may not realize how much he may need to change his activities to obtain a successful relationship.
I always think of this Jack Welsh story. Jack and his first wife had divorced. He was introduced to Jane (now a former wife). She was an atty who worked every weekend. They started dating and Jack wanted her to go away for the weekend. She basically had to “sell her soul to the devil” to get away for that weekend. She did.
On Saturday morning, when she awakened, she saw that Jack was leaving to go golfing…she was flabbergasted. She had to jump through hoops to get away and he was going golfing? His response “but I always go golfing on Saturday mornings”….not anymore Jack if you want a successful relationship.
Haha, and so you and every woman should look at a single, dashing, rich 35yo male cautiously!
I don’t think any man “needs” to be married” like a woman “needs” to be married. More and more guys don’t really care as much anymore.
Nice story on Jack Welch! I had no idea. Men can’t be that clueless, can they?!
My husband and I were in hysterics watching Valentine’s Day commercials…did you see the one for the 4 1/2 foot bear? The women are looking all sexy with a bear? A stuffed bear? A 4 1/2 foot bear will not spawn romance…
Fun post stuff Sam! Will tweet :)
I think you have opened the door for another post, about marrying-up :)
Yeah, could be good! So many posts to write, so little time……
Great article. The concept of marriage for a better future should be explored. When both parties are high income earners the combined households lowering expenses creating a financial powerhouse. Other times the equation is different.
It’s funny we were just trying to setup a pair of friends from different circles the other day and the female was very interested until we mentioned that the age of the guy. He is two years younger than she is, and is remarkably mature for his age. I will never truly understand dating and mating psychology. I am just extremely thankful I found the love of my life at the young age of 21. I am also thankful I had plenty of time to get into trouble in a “target-rich environment” while living in residence at university for several years. I guess I got that whole “wild oats” think out of my system earlier than most, and ran into the perfect girl at the perfect time!
I wonder how common it is for professors to date their students? Pray tell professor!
I think a lot of this “old men chasing young women” thing is more perception than reality. As men age, stuff stops working. That’s unattractive to younger women who could easily land a guy their age. I know a few situations where a younger woman has married an older man and the women are already voicing their discontent, that they’re married to “an old dying man”, etc. If you don’t mind your young wife being disappointed and perhaps looking elsewhere for someone her own age as you age, go for it. Personally, I think people are more compatible when closer in age (+/- like 5 years).
Thank goodness for Cialis an Viagra?
My husband is 2.5 years younger than me. We got married at 27 and 29, and it was never an issue. I would imagine as you get older, the gap for women decreases. If you are a 45 year old woman, is it really a big deal to date a 40 year old man? On the other hand, beyond the obvious, I always wondered why a 40 year old man would want to be with a 25 year old woman.
I know right? What kind of 40 year old man would want a 25 year old wan?
Congrats on getting a younger man!
I try not to think about my age. I realize if I don’t like getting older, the alternative is worse! I figure if I keep happy on the inside and keep in shape, give back to others, then that’s what matters. After all, I can’t stop time.
My significant other is quite a bit older than I am, so I guess we prove your theory. We were best friends for years before anything changed.. it certainly wasn’t that I went out in search of an older man. Though I can certainly agree with many of the points you made, Sam.
Can’t beat best friends. It’s the way to go imo.
I’m so *not* focused on dating older men. A lot of time they try to boss me around and it’s really annoying. A friend just tried to set me up with a 47 yr old and he talked to me like I was his kid.
Aside from the fact that his comb-over was on par with Donald Trump’s, he was a good reminder as to why older men aren’t the best way to go for women in their thirties.
Hmm, give older men a chance Kathryn! Perhaps try 50+ next time? Could find a nice one, ya never know!
This is hysterical. I told my husband that he is at his peak of singleness and better get out and get ’em! He scoffed at me. I met my husband when I was 19 and he was 24 – he thought I was around 22-23. He would never have talked to me if he knew how young I was. It’s been 11 years…
I think the immaturity of males is something that is ground into our society. When I was looking into preschools and admissions for regular schools for my son, it turns out that girls are accepted into programs on average 4 months earlier than boys are. For certain programs, girls are accepted at 20 months old while boys have to be 24. For admissions to private schools, boys have to be born by the month of June, while girls have to be born by the month of Sept.
This is absolutely something I do not believe, and I tire of hearing people telling me “boys mature slower than girls”. Basically, boys are deemed more immature than girls from before they are born (literally. the mommy competitions begin in the womb). I’m sorry for it, and I will do my best as a mother of soon-to-be-two boys to combat these stereotypes, just as much as I will teach my sons to respect women.
I will tell you a secret. He definitely knew you were 19 when he was first pursuing you! But, as ANY man can attest, pursuing a woman under 20 is hard to publicize, unless he himself is also 19.
It’s so funny how boys are given an immediate tail-start in the maturity perception game. Glad you are going to change things around!
Sam, I’ve been married for 25 years now. Yeah! But, your post made me nostalgic about my younger years. :)
I think it has to do with your peer group. I was 34 when I got married and was the last of my friends to get married- so that felt like I was a bit behind the curve. But if you want to have children the starting a family late can be tough- am nearing 40 and no kids yet so if kids come into the picture I’ll be in my 80’s when they are 40- quite a daunting thought!
-Mike
Time to get cracking Mike! After all, you are in Bangkok! Happy V-Day to you and the Mrs.
I forgot about this “marrying up” concept. Do you think this is still prevalent in America? I always get the feeling that it doesn’t matter, and it’s all about love.
Wow… go John! Getting the senior is solid! When she graduated, did you continue to have fun in college?
I think the 25 yo man has a problem. His sample set is tiny!
I think I’d agree that 35 is probably the “golden cross” for both sexes. However, if I were single I’d go for younger guys (although, not too young!) I don’t see an issue with dating someone a few years younger than yourself if the chemistry is there. You make a good point about men getting rejected in their early years from older women and therefore avoid them as they get older. But, as men get older, I think society focuses so much on younger women (just check out magazine covers!) that they think that’s what they’re suppose to date and marry. Thank goodness there are beautiful older women out there like Judi Dench and Helen Mirren to look up to! :)
You’d really go for younger men? Come on now! You serious? Guys in their 30s are immature, don’t trust em! Shoot for the 50-65 range. Some good ones there.
I prefer Catherine Zeta Jones for the older woman example. Not bad!
I’ve never really seen women reject men. Usually, it’s the other way around. There are tons of single women (in all age ranges), and not so many single men (in all age ranges).
I’m 40 now, and throughout my entire life, men always seem scarce, and usually taken. The men who are single always seemed to want a gorgeous super-model, which left me out. I’ve been rejected by men so many times, based on just my looks.
I’m still single, and have never had a real boyfriend. I dress nicely, smile, have good personal hygiene, and am thin….but cannot afford plastic surgery for my messed-up face. Ah well. One day maybe a good guy can see past my looks.
BD, I’m sure you are beautiful, just the way you are. :)
By “rejected,”
You mean, you approached and asked for sex and they said no? Or you had sex and it was horrible or being around you is worse than being castrated despite awesome orgasms?
This is fascinating. I had some ideas about this, but never looked at any research on it. Since graduating from grad school, I have been on dates with girls ranging from 22 to 39 while I was in my mid-20s.
Something happened to me recently (around my 27th birthday) where I decided I was old enough to stop wasting time on relationships that I knew would be a dead end. I am okay with a maybe, but feel like I am too old for a sure failure.
I am well below your 35 number, but I feel like I could settle down and pick one girl if I find the right one. I don’t want to settle when I find her or settle down with her, I want to find someone amazing that wants to do exciting things. I am not in a rush, but my thinking has moved that way recently.
Sounds like it will just get better for you Eric for the next 8 years!
My son is getting married next year and he will be 35! He has been dating his fiance for about 5 years. I think people are waiting to get married because they can live together and even have children. Why get married?
Women date older men for security and money! Older men are usually more stable and have more money. Women find that very attractive.
Congrats on your son’s marriage Larry! Proud poppa! I hope we are all living longer and happier lives.
Do you care who your son marries?
She is terrific, I think of her like a daughter.
I really have no idea on this one. At age 26, I haven’t lived long enough to have a good idea. I’ll let you know in 10 years or so :)
OK, let us know Jeff! Interesting post you have today on food stamps. What about the parents?
I think you’re spot on for men at 35. I put 28 for women because, similar to what Mark said, women have that biological clock going around that age.
Yeah, it was kinda inconsistent that I put the number 28 for women in the survey, but that’s the age that kept on coming up from women I surveyed off line!
Woman are on the clock if they want children, so they are in more of a rush to settle down.
Somehow I managed to beat the odds and rejection by marrying an older women. My wife is a whole 11 hours my senior. It still counts though.
Definitely still counts Mark, you stud!
“Yes, men are immature, but only because women let us be immature.” Really? Oh Sam, sorry but that’s just not true. Science shows that girls develop and mature faster than boys. :) Of course there are always exceptions. I met a 21 year old guy last month who ONLY dates older women and at a minimum of five years older than him. He runs his own company, and has his head together a lot more than the average 21 year old guy. He even dated a woman who was 33 with two kids.
Oh Sydney, men are very, very good and making women think in different ways.
Also, think about that 21 year old guy ONLY dating older women…. who is he preying on? The single mom with 1 kid who is in her 30’s looking for love? Oh, just read your comment. Two kids I mean.
Good for them for finding each other. But, your 21 yo guy is an ANOMALY!
Yeah I know he’s an anomaly just like Ashton Kutcher and Demo were so scandalous when they first started seeing each other. Nice donkey pics!
Donkey love rocks! Look at how the male donkey on the left has an attractive female donkey nuzzling up to him.
My wife is 8 months older than me. Does that mean I’m in that 20% minority?? :)
Really, it makes more sense for an older woman to date a younger man given the difference in life expectancy. But I doubt that factors into many people’s decisions :)
For sure! Wow, can’t believe you are married to an older woman. You must be a good catch!
I dated younger men. Twice! :) I was in my early thirties, and they were in their mid twenties. Some younger guys are mature enough to handle an older woman. Some are not. I think age does not matter. What matters is maturity, confidence and sophistication level.
Nice! Forward thinker from the Iron Curtain! What about now though? Only older men now right?
LOL Now I am married. To a guy who is two years older than me.
As a woman who dates older men, I’ve always assumed it was because I was used to associating with people who are older than I am. I’m very close to my brother who is 10 years older than I am. I’ve never made a decision to not date a guy based on his age (well since high school that is). I just seem to be more attracted to older men.
And that is why men love growing older! Thx Rachel!
I think it comes down security for women, even if it is on the sub-conscious level – they are always looking for security. The good looking guy who’s super-confident in his early twenties gives the ladies the impression that he is going somewhere, where as the dorky 20something is still trying develop their confidence in other areas of their life.
The time fellow number two is in his 30s, he is more confident and secure with himself. I believe that comes across and makes more women interested.
Just my two cents. The good news is I am happily married, so I don’t have to figure this out anymore – ha ha!!
AG
AG, I think you are pretty spot on.
However, since you are married, I must discredit everything you just typed! Ha!
I am older than my husband by 4 months. I’ve been with him for over 15 years so I have no real experience dating anyone who’s older or significantly younger and at my age (almost 35), I don’t know what I’d think about age if I became single. I do know a lot of couples who are representative of that 20% minority you mentioned, where the woman is older than the man by several years. Those relationships work really well.
I wonder what the results would have been if you had surveyed different people or had a larger sample size.
I’m hoping more folks will fill out the survey over the next couple days, and we’ll find out! Congrats on your 15 year marriage!
Oh, no. We have’t been married for 15 years; we’ve been married for just shy of 8 years. We’ve been together for 15 years total. Perhaps I should have been more clear.
Ah, got it. After 7 years, same difference!
I am married and have been for almost 23 years now so it really doesn’t play a role in my life, but an interesting analysis nonetheless. It would seem to make sense.
Congrats on 23 years! I shot you an e-mail, and am awaiting your response. Shoot me an e-mail back if you didn’t get it.
Really interesting read. I always love seeing the posts around Valentines Day. Pretty insightful this one!
I started dating my husband when I was 20 and was married at 23, so a lot of this probably doesn’t apply to me.
However, I have always been drawn to older men and I don’t know why. (My husband is my age though.) I think it is because older guys don’t seem as involved in ‘games’, they have some confidence, and I am sure financial security can be an attractive asset also.
If I had to start dating suddenly at 44, I don’t know what in the world I would do…
College sweethearts, cool! Yes, does not pertain to you, sorry Kris! :)
But if you suddenly wanted to start dating at 44, you just have to go for the 60 year old! 60 is the new 30.
But then my 44 might be the new 25…
Which means a 30 year old is dating a 25 year old. Perfect alignment!
There are very few attractive 60 yr olds to a 44 yr old (although I’m sure there are some). Why can’t a 44 yr old woman just date a 28 yr old man LMAO!)
I never really had trouble dating but I am a hopeless romantic who got his heart broken a few times. One relationship took me 5 years to completely get over and I was dating a lot back then. The heart doesn’t lie.
Dang, 5 years is a long time Jai! How old were you then? Did you go on drunken escapades around town?
If you follow your heart. But many of us men and women alike get very protective of it. Which is normal. What not normal though not living your life by your heart. The age would never come into the topic. It would be just heart to heart. Because we love through energy, not through time that had passed. :)
You must have done your research in your hometown where there is a lack of available single men because I don’t know where else in America women in their 20’s want to date a man who is 10-15 years her senior. Here in Thailand the girls don’t focus so much on age as they do on citizenship. A U.S., U.K., or Australian passport gets you the pick of the litter. Alas, but I am already spoken for and have to get my dating thrills vicariously. Thanks for the insights Dr. Sam Love!
Hmmm, just check out the comments from self-proclaimed attractive women regarding loving dating men 10-15 years their senior! https://www.financialsamurai.com/2011/12/21/beautiful-and-still-single-i-wonder-why/
I took the bait and spent 10 minutes perusing the comments over there and only found one brief mention of dating guys 10 years older than herself from USsquid. Oh yeah and Cynthia sounded…ummm…interesting. Didja ever call her?
Maybe.
There were at least 3-4 women in the comment section who all said they were beautiful but couldn’t find a man!
Im just me ,but very lonely
hi 31/m/usa :P
Close to 95% of all marriages are between peers, that is people within five years of each other. Only 1% of men marry women 20 years younger than them. The statistics on this are easily accessible and are almost identical for the UK, USA and australia.
Hah! I keep telling my single girl friends to go for the younger men since women live longer than men, but alas most of them like older men claiming the whole maturity thing. Not that I’m one to talk, my significant other is older than me by 3 years :D .
Thankfully, I haven’t had to wait till my 30s to find the love of my life. I know for a fact, however, that if I had met my now fiancee a few years ago she would have cast me aside. My maturity was definitely lacking. God has great timing for sure! Intriguing article!
Going after older men is in your friend’s DNA! It cannot be helped! Also, don’t try and ruin the dreams of all single men everywhere! Thanks.
Maturity, like beauty must be in the eye of the beholder for women because I feel like I have regressed in my maturity, but my wrinkles and loss of hair tend to fool them.
You need to fix your spelling…it is spelled “money” not maturity
…and do not forget, “money” doesn’t just mean currency
You come off Incredibly sexist/ageist towards woman and I am an anti-feminist btw. You’re tone holds extreme condescending tones towards women 30+. I am 29.5 years old right now. Should I just kill myself in 6 months or lie about my age till a guy marries me hehe…
Do tell…
your attitude sux… that is probably the reason you are still single… talking flippantly about suicide just shows your true character and in all honesty it looks like a swiss cheese.