Striving for status and fame is an anathema to the Financial Samurai way. Instead of trying to get famous, it’s much better to just be rich and stealth. When you are rich and not famous, you are more free to do as you please. But things weren’t always this way.
When I first started Financial Samurai in 2009, I was proud of finally creating something. For too long, I had just followed orders at work.
Yet, I couldn’t tell anybody about my hobby because I was still employed. I was afraid if my employer found out, they’d tell me to shut it down or at the very least, dock my bonus for being unfocused.
After all, the site was started in the middle of the financial crisis and they were always looking for reasons to cut costs. Instead of trying to be internet famous, I stayed stealth.
When I finally engineered my layoff three years later in 2012, I still felt it was unwise to tell anybody about my site even though I was internally beaming with pride about the site’s growth. I felt like a new parent who wanted to annoy the crap out of all his friends by cooing about every milestone their child hit.
But because I had five years of deferred compensation on the line, even if there was just a 1% chance my old employer would withhold payment, I didn’t want to risk losing years of living expenses. And so, I kept my mouth largely shut until I had a decision to make on 4/21/2017, when my last severance-related after-tax payment hit my bank account.
The Desire For Fame Is Misguided
In a way, the five-year time period when I was collecting my deferred compensation was like a mental jail. Like Andy Dufresne in The Shawshank Redemption reaching for the stars as rain spatters his face, full emancipation only came years after leaving Corporate America.
With nothing holding me back in 2017, it would seem like finally, I could brag to everyone that I had created a website large enough to support a family in San Francisco. With some publicity would come more growth, more revenue, more fame, and higher elite status! I could say yes to a bunch of big media interviews on TV and make my parents proud.
But alas, I did none of that. Instead, I felt it was much better to keep a low profile. Due to my low profile, I haven’t been able to supercharge this site’s growth potential or line my bank account.
But that’s OK because I’d rather have my privacy. After all, when you have enough passive income to pay for your desired living expenses, what more do you need?
For those of you who are thirsty for attention, let me share some thoughts about being a nobody for so long and why it may be in your best interest to do the same.
Be Rich And The Joy Of Being A Nobody
Here are the five reasons why it’s better to be rich and not famous. The goal is to be a rich nobody, rather than a poor somebody.
1) You focus on what truly matters.
Whenever you create something you’re proud of, there’s a natural tendency to want to tell everybody about your success. Look at me. I am so great! The more you share, the more addicted you become to the attention and the less you focus on the work that made you proud in the first place.
There are people who are trapped in a cyclone of self-validation, e.g., constantly posting selfies of a new look on Twitter, showing off a new car on Facebook, or writing about yet another fabulous vacation on Instagram. Think about it. If your self-esteem is strong, why do you need to tell anybody about anything you do?
We all need some sort of attention or validation. I get it. But moderation is the word. Don’t let such need to be recognized get out of control.
Not being able to publicly disclose I ran Financial Samurai for eight years made me focus on the only thing that mattered to its growth: writing regular content. I couldn’t leverage my network of entrepreneurs and financially savvy folks. Nor could I leverage my Asian heritage or my fabulous good looks to get on TV (ok, not really).
The only way I could grow was to compete on quality of content. Could I tell an interesting enough story that kept people engaged? Could I write a post so polarizing that it would turn off a bunch of readers, but attract a bunch more because they saw the reality in what I was saying?
These were the challenges that I focused on every single week for years. And due to the focus, this site grew.
2) You become more impervious to insults.
After you’ve been called a loser, an idiot, arrogant, out of touch, shameful, a d*ckhead, a ch*nk, and many other epithets, your mind turns bulletproof. After all, when you’re already a nobody, nothing can be any lower.
And because I’m a nobody, even the smallest words of kindness are meaningful. Today, I get more joy from a nice response to my private newsletter than I would if I was a public personality being lauded with praise all the time. I also developed the ability to ignore or instantly forget anybody who shows hate. It’s like having the super power of selective amnesia.
Developing a thick skin can really help the relationships that matter most to you. For example, let’s say your husband or wife comes home from work extremely grumpy one day. If you’ve been able to develop a thick skin, you’ll more easily brush off his or her boorishness as a temporary phase.
What’s also interesting is that while insults no longer hurt as much, they still very much act as motivators to keep on going. I often use negative feedback to create new posts, thereby buttressing the survival of Financial Samurai, which in turn allows my family to continue living free.
3) You can live your life in peace.
Being famous is a curse. Yet, for some reason, kids seem to have an insatiable desire for worldwide attention. What the hell happened? Is it due to social media or bad parenting or both?
When you’re famous, many people want something from you, mostly your time. And given time is more valuable than money, being known robs you of your most precious asset. Thank goodness I’m not famous.
However, FS has grown large enough to where I get emails every single day asking for help without the person ever attempting to build a relationship first. If this scale of inquiry frequency were to transfer into the real world, I probably wouldn’t enjoy leaving the house.
For example, one day my friend blew me up while we were soaking in a hot tub after tennis at a club. He asked me, “How is Financial Samurai doing?” in front of five other fellow soakers. One of them perked up and began asking me at least 10 questions ranging from whether she should buy property to whether she should go back to grad school. She had been a reader of Financial Samurai for three years.
Of course I had to be nice and answer her questions. I’m always honored to meet a long-time reader. But after 2+ hours of exercise, all I wanted to do was soak in the hot tub, drink a beer, and relax.
Now imagine if you were actually famous, and didn’t just have some small-time website. You would never be able to do anything in public in peace. Every single move you make would be questioned. Your words will be twisted to fit an agenda. You’d never be able to be yourself.
4) There are no expectations of you.
When you’re a nobody, nobody expects you to do anything or do anything special. Therefore, you can regularly surpass expectations.
As a 5.0 rated tennis player, I’m supposed to readily beat 4.5 rated tennis players. If I do, nobody cares. But if I lose, as I’ve done before, it’s a disaster. I’d much rather be a 4.0 tennis player and beat up on 4.5s and 5.0s instead. This is why there are so many sandbaggers in any competitive activity.
Think about all the celebrities out there who are expected to always look good in public. What a drag! Most of the time, normal people just want to put on some comfortable clothes after washing their faces, and go for a leisurely walk without anybody taking their picture.
What about if you are a Harvard alumni? You are expected to do great things because you were so great in high school. But the sad reality is, a significant majority of Harvard alumni end up doing the same thing everybody else does in society. What a let down.
It’s no fun having the weight of the world on your shoulders. Life is so much better when you can surprise on the upside and be judged based only on what you do.
5) You allow your children to be their own people.
I feel sorry for the children of celebrities who find themselves in the limelight because of parental transgressions. Children shouldn’t have to suffer due to the sins of their parents. Nor should children be forced to feel the pressure of matching their parent’s success. Inspired, yes.
If you’re always posting pictures of your kids who aren’t old enough to consent to public exposure, consider slowing down. You’re exposing them to public scrutiny which they haven’t asked for. Please don’t exploit your children to further your ego or business interests.
Protect them until they are old enough to make rational decisions for themselves. Let them tell their own story.
As a father of two young children now, I so dearly want them to find their independence and their own identity. Sure, it would be nice if they both helped their old man continue to keep Financial Samurai going. However, it would be equally awesome for them to pursue their own dreams.
Be Rich, Not Famous
All this desire for fame and prestige is truly a waste of time. Get your 15 minutes of fame to satisfy your curiosity. Maybe get 30 minutes just to be sure. Soak up the thrill. Play the status game for a while. Then let it go.
Unless you’re a completely insecure person, you’ll realize the attention you seek is really just a band-aid for some deeper problem that needs fixing. You’ll also find that seeing your friends try to be rich and famous with all their social media bragging will get you down too. Try and minimize your usage of social media for your own mental health.
Work on accumulating enough passive income so you never have to listen to anybody again. Accumulate at least 20X your annual expenses in liquid net worth so you can start feeling the joy of financial freedom.
The only things that matter are your friends, your family, and your freedom.
Loading ...Various Scenarios For Fame Management
Be rich, it’s better that way. However, if you want more fame and publicity, here are some reasons or scenarios why these attributes might be useful.
1) If you want to build a consulting business.
Building a brand is crucial to having a thriving consulting practice. I highly encourage everyone to establish a web presence with their own site. In the beginning, putting yourself out there is a must if you are to sell successfully your skills and services.
Nobody will hire you if they don’t know a little about your background. But once you start gaining traction, consider building a brand around something bigger, not just yourself. If you do, not only will you win back your privacy, it will be easier to also scale your business.
2) If you want to build a blog or online business.
Like building a business around your skills and services, blog readers want to know something about you before they subscribe. Think about why you read a bestselling book. Is it because of how the author looks or how the writing makes you think and feel?
At the end of the day, it’s the quality of your content that matters. Search engines like Google don’t have a variable in their algorithms that rank articles written by handsome Asian males of Hawaiian and Taiwanese ancestry living in SF.
Search engines are people blind. They focus on how helpful and useful your content is, and so will everybody else. Blogging truly is the best business in the world.
3) If you want to write a book.
If you become a traditionally published author, it’s going to be much harder to sell and market your book if you remain anonymous. A lot of selling requires getting on TV, doing video interviews, and doing in-person events.
Therefore, starting in 2H 2022, I became public for three months marketing my book, Buy This, Not That: How To Spend Your Way To Freedom And Wealth. But now that the marketing phase has past, I’m happy being a nobody again.
But the main reason why I wanted to be more public was for my children. There are few Asian Americans in the personal finance and nonfiction finance author space. I also hope my book will create more love for Asian people in America. Therefore, I’ve decided to be the change I want to see in the world.
4) If you want to help as many people as possible.
Being famous can positively affect people’s lives if you choose to use your fame to help other people. You can influence others to spread awareness and take up the cause. In such a scenario, your goal is to become as famous as possible and accept all the downside of fame for the greater good.
Whenever you catch yourself seeking fame, take a step back and ask why. Chances are high you are trying to make up for some type of deficit in your life. Find out what the deficit is and do you best to fix the problem at its source.
Please consider the benefits of being rich, not famous.
Reader Questions
Readers, why do you think people seek so much attention nowadays? Why do people pick fights with others and say stupid things over social media if they still depend on a job to survive? If you want to be famous beyond your circle of people that matter, please explain why. What are some of the positives of being famous over being a nobody?
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Be Rich, Not Famous is a FS original post. Please focus on impressing the people that matter. At the same time, you must have enough status and prestige to not be excluded from opportunities.
I am a land owner in Cleveland Oh, about 65 rental units, plus run a few related businesses, and have a very nice net worth. I drive a beater work truck and wear paint spattered clothes to look like a nobody. I don’t want anyone to know my true net worth or appear wealthy
Stealth wealth!!
Well, once you are famous, you can’t unfamous yourself. That’s important to consider before doing it.
For me I never wanted to be rich or famous. I wanted a comfortable life doing things I was passionate about. Though I want to be a little more than a know body. The title fits well with the current state of my life. I knew early on in my adult hood. That I had to find away to make extra income. If I was to ever have a fraction of the dream sold to Americans. So I tried my had at quite a few different ventures. To my knowledge none of them netted me more than a few extra dollars. Some never even got off the ground. So now with a grown up mind state. I’m ready to try again. The internet is vast with many avenues to make a few extra dollars. Sometime I just look and say to myself if this plunged into this or that worked with that. But my coding friend is busy living his best life. Plus I feel like about cast for reasons of my own doing. But it would be nice if just one person. Talked to me and said that’s cool how did you do that. With a smile I would lay out all the pieces. Cuz I have never been greedy and in all my dealing. My wants always were the last on the list. Cuz doing for others makes me feel good. Seeing people grow into the best they can be because of something I said makes me feel proud. It’s just said only one person has ever said thank you. But as a know body honestly this side of life doesn’t feel good. Cuz deep down I like people.
My ex bf is a little famous. In trying to please him or keep a certain level, I started promoting my Instagram. One night at the local club, I was out with my girls. A guy came by and told me he was my follower and a fan on Instagram and how he was happy to meet me in person.
The girls were giving me weird looks. And the whole situation was just not comfortable. It wasn’t for me.
Then I remembered, when I was a child, I always wanted to be rich, but NOT famous, I swear, that dream was across my childhood. Fantasy of being in the shadows, yet still free and powerful, without answering to anybody, was my favorite. I am an introvert.
And here comes this article, as a confirmation.
Since then, I made my Instagram private, broke up with that boyfriend. Because at the end of the day, he held his fame as some sort of advantage over me, and a leverage. Which was a huge red sign, that he had some internal issues that would be a cornerstone for a very toxic relationship.
Now I only work on the rich part. I feel more at peace this way.
I made my first million in 2020 (and second and third). And figured the “rags to riches” story would play well on YouTube and help build a brand that can support my future growth. I read Sam’s article and am concerned about the negative consequences. Hmm
Really excellent article, put into words what I’ve been thinking about for a long time. Nowadays everyone things rich = famous or that you have to “be somebody” to be rich… some of the world’s wealthiest people are names no one has ever heard of. Being famous makes you a target for literally everyone in the world to prey upon. You will never have privacy or really be yourself again, potentially even at home. Thank you so much for writing this. It shows that my decision recently to go social media dark and focus on actually building a business is the right decision for me.
Late post but this made me think of the introvert v. extrovert. The extrovert gains energy from social exposure and the introvert gains it from solitude. Both need time in both categories but I bet there are people who love the attention at all times and cant get enough. Some ppl always want to be noticed. Call it a self esteem thing if you want but personalities differ greatly.
I’m an extrovert, and don’t want the attention fame provides, no way.
In honor of recognizing one of your better yet least commented articles, this is a great piece!
All too often people are attempting to demonstrate how fantastical their lives are or how wealthy they are. How? Social media. Drawing attention to themselves and their lifestyle.
It’s worrisome how narcissism has developed in the last few years.
Fear not, I suspect this phenomena will pass in time. At least I hope it will.
Moderation is good for the individual and our communities. It makes it easier to cherish the everyday things in life that we take for granted: family, friends, health, ability to put food on the table, running water, a roof and four walls, clothes, and something meaningful to do in your life.
Anyone impressed by your Instagram account or how many zeros in your bank balance is not a friend of substance.
Be thankful for what you have.
Be well, happy holidays!
I completely agree that being rich and not famous is by far the best option. When I look at people in Hollywood with all the money and fame, it is typically followed with problems – a lot of them. I don’t want that for my life.
Staying humble while your wealthy is the key to keep a level head and to keep your nose clean. While I’m neither rich or famous, I’ve got everything I need and that’s what’s important.
Great post Sam, a lot of comments to got through for sure. I blog about all things financial independence not with the intend of reaching fame but more importantly to share stories. If you think about stories, the ones you tend to remember are the ones that create engagement, inspire, instill curiosity and ultimately influence some behavioral change (hopefully positive). That has been and will continue to be my focus.
I used to believe everything this article says and only needed my freedom and wanted to share my experiences with friends but then my friends got married and slowly we drifted apart. And unfortunately my small family, even though I know they love me, have never supported me in my endeavors. Now I have nobody and wish I took the time already to build a fan base of sorts to garner the support I need to get through life. I am now chasing that dream with a byproduct being fame. Also I’m not rich by any means but made some overall good choices along the way that allows me to have the time freedom I do now for a career change. This is only part of my story. I hope to share the rest once I’m on the other side.
Who would want to be famous?
Being unable to walk down a street without being mobbed.
They also have a habit of going crazy and being weird.
I’d much rather be comfortable than rich (who needs a yacht anyway – and there’s always someone with a bigger yacht than you anyhow) and I would rather be known well by a few than to be known of by many.
I love this article, Sam. You are really spot on and the survey results confirm it. Being targeted for inquisition for being famous is really tough. Of course you could move overseas and become invisible again. I’ve been abroad for over 12 years now and am used to feeling like a stranger in a strange land- this also applies when I go back to the USA since it has changed so much since I was last there.
I love how financial instruments don’t know who you are and that dividend paying stocks aren’t aware that you own them (unless you get to a significant ownership threshold of course) yet you are protected by ownership laws to have your rightful claim to their share of the profits. That is really the way to go!
-Mike
So on-point yet again, Sam. Look at Gerard Butler following his appearance in 300. So many fitness gurus make MILLIONS (even today) selling programs that promise to make you look like Leonidas. Newsflash: the guy who played Leonidas doesn’t even look like Leonidas, and now he has another thing to be anxious about.
“And because I’m a nobody, even the smallest words of kindness are meaningful.”
This website has truly helped me, more than anything else, in realizing my full potential and living my best life. After spending some time living in San Clemente, I now fully understand what you mean about making half a million only to live a middle-class lifestyle. I saw it with my own eyes with real estate agents and store managers and investors and the like. I was definitely one of those people who railed on you for being one of “the disconnected rich,” and I’d like to take this time to apologize. Thanks, Sam, for writing this blog and helping me live a better life.
Hey All,
First and foremost, thank you FS for doing this for all our benefit. I am glad it gets to benefit you as well and keeping it honest about that!
I am 28 in a few months and have been an absolute idiot with my money to say the least. I have a few grand saved and a few more than that across 2 credit cards + personal loan to lower utilization of CC and increase credit score. I only saved 8% a month (7% after a recent raise). After reading a few articles, I undoubtedly want to increase this. I never really had good financial advise from my parents. Dad just worked hard and got to start a business that made him enough to be content, but I don’t think he has much saved. I still blame no one but myself for not doing this sooner. I feel an empty sadness from my financial situation that I thought working alone could solve. Thank god I found this blog. Better late than never. Time to turn it all around.
I work at least 40 hours a week but study many hours outside of work since my career is in Information Technology and I need more certificates to make more money, so forgive me for not looking further before asking the following:
Is there some sort of beginners guide on here to building financial freedom? What types of investments should be my first with the money I make (~$41,600/yr) and currently have saved (~$3,000)? Perhaps I need to save a bit more before investing, but how much!? I googled it for FS, but did not yield a proper result? I could google it in general and find something from someone else, which I will do get multiple perspectives. However, there is something about this site that makes me want to see it from FS’s author perspective first.
If you haven’t made this guide, I think it would be a great idea.
Also, do you think I should maximize my monthly saving, or focus on paying off my CC quickly and increasing my savings only half as much as my first proposed option?
I’m also a nobody, I’m about as interesting as a brick wall. I’m not rich yet but definitely in the process. Got a job without much oversight and get paid decent to do basically nothing all day. Also have weak interpersonal skills (even though I try to smile and be polite and do the right thing), and at age 35 have never been in a relationship before. Yikes.
I know the deck would be stacked against me in a divorce and women never like uninteresting men so I’d risk losing a mate quickly and half of my wealth. Although even then I wouldn’t even know the first thing about attracting women anyway just to get started and see where it could go. Oh well, I guess that’s America. Find the biggest douchebag husband to protect you from the big, scary world and other jerks. Yay for nobodies who fly under the radar!
Perhaps you’re slightly overlooking the obvious: Fame can create the greatest wealth, fast. Though certainly not happiness or responsibility (what one does after wealth acquired).
Most “famous” types (not talking about b listers) actually hate all the downfalls of being in the public eye– but accept as part of it–what they signed up for.
I’ve worked for many and know this.
True words. Fame itself is used as a form of currency.
Great post Sam. Focusing on building net worth allows you freedom of a broke person while still letting you have the option of being incredibly generous.
Being famous or even worse “famous and wealthy” would be a complete hassle. You’d have to worry about people pestering you. Let’s not forget the people looking for a quick dollar by slipping on your sidewalk, getting into a fight, or otherwise claiming some wrong. Rich? I’d have it no other way. Famous? Pass.
An excellent post and I appreciate your story-telling posts to balance the data-driven articles. I recently FIRE’d from the US Government at 57 to the surprise of many who had no idea we had that plan. Low-key, solid work, and compounding are glorious things.
My final email to a select group of workmates included;
* Don’t die at your desk
* This organization succeeds by the masses of the unsung, not the names currently running it.
* No one working here started this organization–it will probably still be running long after we’re dead.
I’m hoping more will be motivated to get FIRE’d up and not reach for fame as the answer to Life
In this political and economic environment, it’s safer to keep a low profile and dress as average as one can to go to work and social events. There are just so much backlashes if someone carries a brand name bag to go to work, a huge diamond ring or drives a nice car to work. This actually happens at where I work. People make comments on these driving a BMW X5 or horse rides as a hobby or someone wearing channel shoes. All these petty stuffs are just waste of time and such a turnoff. Beware of these little people.
“… the superpower of selective amnesia …”
I think I have that superpower too! LOL
Well, money of course is more important. But I do have the urge sometimes to tell somebody how well I am doing to share my joy (or maybe brag I suppose). Always thought it was not fair that people who are good at music or sports get to have it known and admired and congratulated, but if you are smart or good at making money, you must pretend to be average or less and hide all signs of money or people say you are a know it all or snob. Even if you do that, it shows through good marks at school, the fact that you read books, and are able to travel a lot, and you get jealousy and “remarks/digs”. However, I can live with it.
It is more productive for me to interpret “fame” as respect, having a good reputation, credibility, being known for being decent/honest/helpful (like the bagua if you are familiar with that).
My work/career/product is low profile/non-glamorous so it is the ultimate in being a nobody. My customers have always rated me 5* and valued my work so that is enough for me.
Couldn’t agree more. Some people are rich because they’ve become celebrities, sports figures, Hollywood types, etc. but I’ve always seen famous part as a tradeoff they made for the money. I can’t imagine having to decide whether or not I need my bodyguard(s) for the evening or not, the same way I have to decide if I’m going to wear shoes with laces or not.
Has always seemed to me the most terrible thing would be to be famous WITHOUT being rich. You can think of any number of them if you try, but child stars tend to figure prominently in the list.
On the other hand, in the words of the immortal Robert Heinlein, ‘People who go broke in a big way never miss any meals. It is the poor jerk who is shy a half slug who must tighten his belt.’
Believe I recall reading where Trump once pointed out a panhandler on a corner as being 87 million dollars richer than he was at the time because his debts outweighed his assets by that much (and his creditors didn’t dare shut him down as it would have meant cementing their losses).
Agree 100%. Stealth wealth is the way to go. By flying under the radar with your wealth, you keep expectations low on housing, automotive and travel expenses. Everyone just thinks you’re a “regular guy” while you have a strong seven figure net worth. That’s the life!
Everything in moderation. There’s famous, there’s well-known, there’s recognized. I agree: lowest pressure for the lowest on the totem pole—it’s a luxury to relish. BUT when your ambition is to make it in a competitive creative field, you’re aim is to break out of the “nobody” category, where everyone starts out. Your livelihood depends on it. Your work needs to be seen to be recognized by both audiences and gatekeepers or else you gain no traction career-wise. If you are well-known, you receive more work and income.
Good point. I will defer to David’s comment above. To be famous by name, but no physical recognition.
Or perhaps in your case, famous for your unique artwork style.. .where someone can instantly recognize that is your work.
Well yes, but that precisely describes a person who is willing to sell relative anonymity for money (and just because a person is willing to do so doesn’t mean they will be able to do so).
Artists, athletes, and performers will all talk about the sacrifice and hard work that is their lot, but the celebrated ones, the ones that are, not coincidentally, making the big bucks, will also talk about the price of fame as something apart from all the rest of it.
I think it was Jennifer Anniston who said something to the effect of: “When some stranger follows you five blocks just to watch you buy a loaf of bread, you know your life has changed forever.”
There are people that enjoy being celebrities. For most of us it would probably be fun for a week or a month, but the problem being that you can’t just turn it off. I think the folks that do enjoy it long term have some inner need that craves it (to say it nicely).
My daughter worked a Publix in a resort community while she was in college and one day three of the biggest stars in the NFL at the time came through her checkout but she knew nothing about football. Curious at her lack of reaction, they were perplexed and even a little crestfallen when they realized that she had no idea who they were. Apparently this was very unusual for them.
On the other hand, if you are one of the world’s greatest painters in some particular style, then you might enjoy considerable prestige and acclaim in the art world, but when you go buy jug wine and pork rinds at Publix, it is unlikely the tabloids will follow you in and start snapping pictures, or that the shoppers on aisle three will all want to stop you for an autograph.