Hiring An Au Pair May Be The Best Childcare Decision A Family Makes

If you're thinking about hiring an au pair, you know firsthand how much work is involved in raising kids. The pandemic switched life to extreme hard mode for working parents with young children. Hiring an au pair is one of the best ways to save on childcare and have more consistent and flexible help.

Thankfully, the pandemic is behind us. We ended up homeschooling our son for 18 months, from April 2020 until August 2021. It was exhausting at times with a wild 4-year-old and a very curious 1-year-old at home practically 24/7. They got into everything!

But the days and memories we've had with them are also precious. We've far surpassed the average amount of time a parent spends with a kid a day. Further, we've also been able to save $24,000 so far on preschool tuition.

For those parents who are constantly exhausted, hiring an au pair could be the perfect solution. And thankfully, hiring an au pair is now more feasible due to new regulations under the Biden administration.

We had two au pairs from the end of 2019 until 2022. The first one was a life-saver and stayed with us for 2.5 years during the pandemic. The second one last a year and was OK. The fit wasn't the best, but we were grateful for the childcare help.

What Is An Au Pair?

The term au pair means “on par”. The au pair is intended to become a member of the family, albeit a temporary one, rather than a traditional domestic worker.

Au pairs are typically women (18-26) from a foreign country who come to live with a host family for 1-2 years. They provide childcare, learn a new language, experience a new culture, and attend school. Men can certainly be au pairs as well, but the vast majority of au pairs are female.

Au pairs agencies act as the intermediary between au pairs and host families. Prospective au pairs first apply to an agency. Then, the agency performs background checks, reference checks, and publishes a profile about the au pair for prospective host families to search for and browse.

When a host family locates a profile for an au pair they are interested in, they arrange an interview to decide if they are a good match. When a host family and an au pair both agree to match, the agency collects a signed contract from both parties, collects fees from the host family, and helps arrange airfare, basic training, and the au pair's arrival.

If You Enjoy Different Cultures, Hire An Au Pair

If you enjoy different cultures, the au pair program is wonderful because you can try to match with au pairs from many countries. The au pair also has an exciting opportunity to experience your country's culture as well.

We are a multicultural family and have always enjoyed experiencing other cultures. Sam studied abroad in China and I studied abroad in Japan while we attended college. We've also traveled to over 30 countries together, and Sam has been to at least 7 more for work and through his own personal travels.

In addition, one of our family values is to raise our children to be accepting of all people. More than ever, the world is in need of more harmony, love, and cultural awareness. Exposure to different cultures and languages plays an important role in stamping out racism and hate.

It's much harder to hate someone if you gain a better understanding of their background. As the pandemic dies down, we hope more Americans can experience international travel.

An Au Pair Provides For More Work Life Balance For Parents

When you become a parent, your appreciation for family and a support network grows. Unfortunately, none of our relatives live within a 5-hour flight.

Welcoming an au pair into your home not only provides more support, it can result in more joy as your family grows. Having an au pair join your family may be like having an auntie to your kids. That could be really special, especially during lockdowns.

As much as any parent loves playing with their kids, having work/childcare balance is key. We all need to have adult conversations and mental outlets. One can only listen to the ABC song at full blast, say “please be patient,” or repeat “come back here I need to change your diaper” so many times in a row before going a bit nuts.

A Mental Break For Parents

It's important to have quiet time to work or relax a little without your kids literally all over you non-stop. Balance is also important for mental health and marital happiness.

Having support from an au pair that you trust is huge for improving the balance between caring for your kids, work, time alone with your spouse, errands, and self-care. Too often we don't prioritize self-care when we're busy caring for our kids, and that can make everything harder.

I remember one time during the pandemic I was trying to spoon feed our daughter with one hand and type with another. That was tricky. Getting puréed prunes flung into my keyboard every 10 seconds sure made my keyboard very sticky! Surely all of you working parents out there with young children at home 24/7 due to the pandemic can relate.

Overview Of Hiring An Au Pair

In my research on hiring an au pair, I spoke with dozens of host families and a couple of the best au pair agencies. Further, I have spoken to at least a half-dozen au pairs over video.

I put together a helpful guide below explaining what an au pair is, the US State Department requirements for au pairs in the US, pros and cons, and the typical costs involved.

By the end of this article, you should have a much better idea if hiring an au pair is a wise decision for your family or not. The time to hire an au pair is before the fourth trimester begins. The first 3-12 months after a baby is born is the hardest!

J-1 Visas For New Au Pairs Relaunching

Back in June 2020, Trump imposed visa restrictions via Presidential Proclamation 10052 (PP 10052) that blocked most new au pairs from entering the US. In other words, even if you wanted to hire an au pair, you couldn't unless the au pair had special skills for your child's special needs.

However, the agency Au Pair Care, a division of Intrax, has been helping US families get au pairs since October 2020, ahead of PP 10052's expiration, due to a court order.

In addition, some families and au pairs could still qualify under PP 10052 if they met the National Interest Exception criteria below:

  • Host families who are members of the medical community who are caring for those who have contracted COVID-19; and/or those involved in research related to COVID-19. 
  • Host families who have children who may require specific care such as: medical, special education, or sign language and who have been diagnosed by a qualified medical individual.
  • Au pair applicants who are subject to aging out of their current immigrant visa classification before the relevant President’s Proclamation expires or within two weeks thereafter.

Visa Laws Are Always Changing For Au Pairs

Fortunately, PP 10052 is set to expire March 31, 2021. This means it should be much easier getting an au pair again. Check with the Department Of State for the latest. Entry to the US is still restricted from a few countries, but most bans have been lifted.

As of now, entering au pairs are required to have a negative COVID-19 test within three calendar days of departure​, or proof of recovery from the virus within the last 90 days. If you're thinking about hiring an au pair, better get started sooner rather than later. Most embassies are scheduling visa appointments, but there are still backlogs to work through.

The au pair program is usually a one year program followed by a full year if both parties agree. Due to the pandemic, there are cases where existing au pairs get to stay for an extra 6 months if desired.

Au Pair Requirements

There are various requirements depending on where you live. Here are the basic requirements you should know about hiring an au pair in the US. These terms are regulated by the US Department of State.

  • Au pair age range: 18-26
  • Work hours are limited to 45 hours per week or 10 hours per day.
  • Job responsibilities must be solely for childcare and child related light housekeeping.
  • Weekly stipend of $195.75* or more provided by host family.
  • Good health is required.
  • Conversational English skills or better.
  • Police background check must be clear.
  • Prior childcare experience is a requirement.
  • Childcare references from two or more non-family members.
  • Personal reference from one or more non-family member.
  • Secondary school graduate or equivalent.
  • Pass an in-person interview in English with the agency.
  • Psychometric Evaluation – DISC Personality Assessment.
  • A private bedroom must be provided by the host family.
  • Transportation to classes and monthly au pair meetings must be provided by the host family.
  • $500 educational allowance from host family for accredited courses.
  • J-1 visa is required.

* $195.75 is the min required Federal stipend as of 2023. If you live in Massachusetts, a court ruling from 2014 requires au pairs to be paid the state's minimum wage and 1.5 pay is required for over 40 hours a week. You can utilize meal and lodging credits, however 40 hours a week costs $463 in 2023, significantly higher than the min weekly Federal rate of $195.75.

Au pair agencies may also have their own set of evaluations, screenings, and training requirements for au pairs. Some examples include:

  • 200 hours or more of childcare experience
  • Medical history
  • CPR and first aid training
  • Child safety
  • Driving safety
  • American caregiving styles overview

Pros Of Hiring An Au Pair

One of the best pros of hiring an au pair is getting reliable one-on-one childcare with flexible hours. Given your au pair lives with you, an au pair may be more reliable than a nanny. But, there are many other great benefits as well.

Here are the main pros of hiring an au pair:

  1. Flexible hours
  2. One-on-one childcare
  3. Language immersion
  4. Cultural exchange
  5. Youthful energy that kids love
  6. Affordable option for the hours, flexibility, and 1×1 care
  7. Gain a new family member
  8. Candidates are pre-screened
  9. In-home care can protect your family's health, ex. COVID-19

Cons Of Hiring An Au Pair

Hiring an au pair isn't for every family. It's a big adjustment to have someone new come to live in your home 24/7. Perhaps you're nervous because you read about a family's horror story hiring an au pair. Or maybe your house simply isn't big enough to house an au pair comfortably.

Keep in mind, however, there are bad apples in any line of work. Daycares and preschools aren't immune from issues either. What's important is to ensure you and your partner are both on board. Take the interview process seriously and don't rush your decision.

There are a ton of amazing gems out there. And thousands of families adore their au pairs. Nevertheless, there are some possible cons of hiring an au pair that you should know.

Here are the main cons of hiring an au pair:

  1. Loss of privacy or less privacy
  2. Potential difficulties in communication
  3. Lifestyle adjustments and compromises
  4. Stress and conflict if she doesn't abide by your rules
  5. Exposing your family's weaknesses
  6. Cultural clashes
  7. Jealousy that your child starts to prefer the au pair over you
  8. Father often gets crowded out, which creates dad guilt, loneliness, and sadness

What if you move forward with hiring an au pair and it doesn't work out? The good news is that even though you sign a contract for 1 year (or potentially less if the au pair is already in the US and looking to re-match), you always have the option to break the match.

It might be awkward, but if it's not working out, you absolutely have the right to break the match. The au pair agency will coordinate her departure and (partially) refund their fees if applicable.

Oh, and one funny con might be occasionally scaring each other in the house by accident. When you aren't used to someone new living in your house, you might also not be used to their movements. Maybe buying a big, expensive house would have been the right decision after all!

Costs Of Hiring An Au Pair

Hiring an au pair is expensive upfront because you have to pay the agency for their time as well as the airfare for your au pair. Upfront fees also vary by agency. Here's a sample of what you may have to pay.

  • Application fee $50
  • Placement fee $250
  • SEVIS fee $35
  • Airfare from training site to your home $390
  • Program fee $8,675
  • Minimum stipend $195.75/week

That comes out to an all-in cost of roughly $19,329/year or $1,611/month. Don't forget you also need to provide food for the au pair. Transportation to classes and agency events is also typically required. But, you can simply provide a bus pass, pay for ride-share fees, or let her borrow your car. Expect utility usage to go up as well with another adult in the house.

If you want to be generous, you may want to pay for your au pair's vacations, fun day trips, eye exams, teeth cleanings, and more. After all, even if your au pair is an adult, you should treat an au pair as a beloved member of your family. Therefore, the monthly cost to have an au pair may be closer to $2,000/month.

Is Hiring An Au Pair Worth It?

Raising kids is a wonderful and wild adventure. I can't tell you if hiring an au pair is the right choice for your family. It's up to you and your partner to make that decision.

Here's some helpful feedback from host families I spoke with:

Getting an au pair was the best decision. The flexibility is great, our kids are learning Spanish, and we really feel like she's a part of our family now. The one-on-one care is worth every penny and much cheaper for us than a full-time nanny.

There's no such thing as a perfect au pair so don't expect to get everything on your wish list.

Put together a detailed list of all the house rules you want the au pair to follow. Be as specific as possible. When you find an au pair you're serious about, let her review the document thoroughly. The more expectations you set upfront, the better luck you'll have finding a good match.

You might have your heart set on an au pair from one country, but I suggest being open in your search. We had au pairs from five countries. I always wanted an au pair from France, but only one of our five au pairs was French. She wasn't the dream au pair I envisioned. To our surprise, we adored the au pairs we had from Brazil and Colombia and still keep in touch.

We had seven au pairs from Thailand. The best matches were older, more mature, and held jobs before. The job didn't matter, just that they knew how to be responsible, show up to work on time, adapt, follow instructions, etc.

If you’re unsure if a candidate’s English is good enough, ask yourself if she could communicate with you in an emergency. If the answer is no, you best keep looking. Communication challenges are the most common reason families break a match. 

Don’t rush and match with the first candidate you interview. Talk to multiple candidates and interview your favorites several times before deciding to match. 

Hiring An Au Pair Could Be The Best Decision Ever

I hope this post helped to clarify if hiring an au pair is a wise decision for your family. Your children are your most precious assets. So, finding the best type of childcare for your needs is a decision not to take lightly.

Managing childcare and work at the same time is an extremely difficult task. If you don't have extended family close by to help provide childcare support, hiring an au pair is a wonderful idea. Just make sure to diligently interview your au pairs over multiple video calls. Set expectations up front to minimize unwelcome surprises once an au pair joins your family.

The more you like different cultures and the more you enjoy other people's company, the more you will enjoy having an au pair. If you don't hire an au pair, consider hiring a nanny for part-time help. After a long and exhausting pandemic, you deserve some relief!

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Reader Questions And Recommendations

Readers, have you hired an au pair before? How many types of childcare have your used? What has your experience been like? How much did the pandemic impact your family's childcare needs?

Sam's note: After three years of having an au pair, I believe they are worth it for the first three years of each new child's life. After two years, the returns diminish given your kids may start going to preschool. Further, if you are the stay-at-home parent, the home will get crowded. If you are two stay-at-home parents or work-from-home parents, unless you have a mansion, you might feel cramped too.

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32 thoughts on “Hiring An Au Pair May Be The Best Childcare Decision A Family Makes”

  1. We have had 3 au pairs and I highly recommend it. Our last two have been from Argentina and they have taught our two boys to speak Spanish. Our au pair has her own bathroom and bedroom so if she wants to spend more time there she can. But generally as they are young and have moved from another part of the world, they have spent a lot of their time exploring the city/country during their off time. I feel like having an au pair is like a third parent who’s available to drive kids to soccer practice, help with homework, and generally provides another cultural perspective to parenting, which I find so valuable. Originally we got an au pair because of the cost savings versus a nanny, but now that I have had a few I realize even if the cost was the same I’d still go for an au pair.

  2. Alan Smithee

    There’s also possible tax benefits too for hiring an Au Pair, The Child and Dependent Care Tax Credit. If someone with experience can comment that would be wonderful. The tax credit could be the game changer for a lot of people to make it worthwhile.

  3. Alan Smithee

    Sam or anyone with Au Pair Experience: Can you recommend a couple of good agencies? I’m interested in exploring more and there are so many of them out there. Thanks!

    1. I would review Au Pair Mom blog for more info and talk to host families in your area. What agencies you can use to match with Au pair depends where you live.

      Places like Bay Area and New York will have all the state sponsored au pair agencies represented but other states will not, because there’s rules about host families needing to be within a certain radius of a Local Care Coordinator (the liaison btwn the Au pair and the host family). Depending where you live, you may be limited to finding Au pairs from one agency like Culture Care or Au Pair in America (the bigger agencies). Smaller agencies would be Go Au Pair or Expert Au Pair.

  4. We hosted a aupair when our 2 kids were pre-schoolers. Economically, it was roughly break even between day care and the aupair all in for 2 kids. But the hour flexibility was key for us. You can schedule the aupair to get the kids ready in the morning and then have them “off” when you want to spend time with the kids. You can then have the aupair get them bathed and ready for bed at night so you kids bedtime with the parents is pure fun time. Other stuff like doing kids laundry and organizing the kid rooms are stuff you don’t get with day care. We had a set schedule (with some flexibility), set of tasks, transportation arrangements, house rules, etc. that were agreed to during the interview to try and minimize miss-matches. I takes a bit of getting used to having another adult living with you full time but if you have a good living quarter for the aupair, ours tended to stay in their room. It can take a while for you to find a match and wait for them to travel in-country and then go through training (in our case New Jersey) before coming to our home (Northwest area).

    IMO, you want an aupair that has a good cultural fit with your lifestyle. Some want to get out, make new (boy)friends and have fun during their off hours and others tend to hang around the home more. Figure out what you want and then screen appropriately.

  5. Nannies and Au Pairs were a feature of only well off families when I was growing up
    Not available to most of us
    It did seem however seem strange to my wife and I that a woman who had gone through the birth and sucking of her child (let alone 2 or 3 ) should be willing to hand over the precious loads to a total stranger for any length of time-as indeed all the polls still show
    We had our 3 by 28(my wife and I are the same age) while we were young and fit
    She took 10 years off work and went back full time as the last one went into full time school
    Lived frugally and were poor-small house etc
    No one (like investing!) cares more about your child than you
    Children seemed to appreciate it as all are now married ,with kids of their own -their wives took years off work after childbirth and are now back in part time work as the children are all now at school age .Following parental example?
    It was the best option for us and certainly seemed best for the kids
    It’s good that there are so many financially available options for couples now but given the choice most women would still like to have the time to raise their pre-school children themselves
    It is a perennial conundrum with no one solution

      1. Thanks for asking this! I was wondering the same. My husband is actually hoping to stop working soon and the plan is for me (female) to be the sole earner. I really like working outside of the home.

  6. These comments are all fascinating. I’m intrigued with the idea. I’ve never known anyone to hire an au pair, but maybe that’s a function of geography. I’m in a major metropolitan area, but not in any big city along the coasts. I’ve only ever read about au pairs – with most of the information coming from this article.

    For those that have hired an au pair, what size of house did you have? Did both parents work?

    1. Anywhere from 1-4 children. Au pair care limits 4 children max for au pair to look after. Therefore, if you are an au pair, you should also consider the number of children your host family has. The more children, the more work.

      I would assume at least one parent is always working full-time.

  7. Rich Williams

    We needed an au pair when our twin boys arrived. Four years younger than their older sister. Our first au pair was was a young lady from Cologne Germany age 24 and spoke above average English and had a little nursing school background. This au pair handled the kids in a bilingual way – Some English and then a little German. The kids adapted to hearing both languages and understood the meanings intended. She stayed with us for two years.

    By then my wife was able to work from home (pre-covid). It was traumatic for the kids when our au pair finally had to leave for home to be with her waiting fiance.

  8. I never heard of an au pair until reading this article. Your have very interesting posts that are financially thought conscious as well! I’ve been looking into adopting and raising kids of my own. I’m curious if you may know anything about adopting babies and very young children and the cost that are associated with adopting internationally vs. domestically her in the US. Maybe this could be another article if interested.

    1. Thanks Beth. Adoption costs vary a lot by state and agency. A rough average is $40-50,000 for private agencies. If you adopt from foster care the costs are significantly less.

  9. We actually had an Au Pair for a few years when I was a kid. I think when I was around 6 to 8 years old. The Au Pair mainly cared for my younger brothers and I was in school.

    Both my parents worked and I am sure it was a life saver for them with three kids. Ours was from Mexico and she worked very hard and mostly stayed in her room when she was not working.

    I don’t recall interacting with her too much, but certainly she was polite and attentive to my little brother’s needs and helped my parents through those years.

  10. We’ve had four au pairs over four years, starting when our children were ages 5 and 2. Three were from China (our children were already fluent in Mandarin before the au pairs, due to combination of day cares and nanny), and one was from Mexico (we speak Spanish at home).

    We limited our search to girls who spoke one of those two languages. Three of the young women were great, and one was disappointing but not disastrous. I believe the disappointment was mutual, and probably due to mismatched expectations between the young lady and us.

    Communication is really important in general, and especially during the interview process when expectations are first being set. We found interviewing the Spanish-speaking girls easiest, because we could communicate in their native language.

    Whatever the agencies say about candidates speaking “conversational English”, we found that it was typically quite difficult to hold conversations in English with them during the interviews and early months with us. Of course, their English improved greatly by the end of their year.

    There’s too much to say about the experience to cram into one comment here. There are many good aspects outlined in the article; for us, the important ones were the flexibility of live-in help, language, and cost effectiveness. On the bad side, it gets very tiresome living with a young women in the house (my lovely wife excluded!) — even though they are technically adults, there’s still a big maturity gap between them and us as parents.

    All in all, it’s certainly an experience worth trying. Just do your homework, read about other people’s experiences, know what you really want, and be careful during the matching process. Good luck to anyone out there setting out on this adventure!

      1. Wow, I managed to be both ageist and sexist in one sentence; that was unfair, sorry about that. For me, I got tired of always living with someone else in the house, and the compromises that entailed. Some examples — our au pairs shared the bathroom used by our children, so there were sometimes conflicts (the au pairs need to shower, do their hair, makeup); it’s a little hard to truly be yourself when living with non-family (can’t run around the house in my boxers!); the au pairs naturally had free use of the kitchen, and even though they try to be courteous they’ll never wash up or put things away in quite the way that I would; having to deal with for inevitable fender benders (asking them to drive in the Bay Area is really like throwing lambs to the wolves, I’m afraid). There are other quibbles I could make, but to be fair I’m sure our au pairs had their own complaints about us too!

        It’s possible having a bigger house (we have 4 BR, 2 BA, ~2700 SF) or perhaps having more private quarters for the au pairs would have helped a little here.

        Early in our four years, our au pairs were really providing a vital service for us, and the compromises were definitely worth it. But as our kids grew, we started needing an au pair less and less — kids start being able to play more independently with each other, they start being ready to spend more time in preschool, they reach kindergarten and public school. After four years, our youngest was ready to start kindergarten, and we decided that the compromises were not worth the value provided any more.

        But the important question is “Would I do it again knowing what I know now?” Yes, at least for the first several years.

          1. For us, it was with the start of kindergarten, but this seems highly dependent on everybody’s individual circumstances. Once our youngest was in kindergarten, which is roughly 8:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. (pre-covid days), we were ok sending both our children to an after-school facility in our neighborhood, and my wife would pick them up around 5:30 on her walk home from work. The after-school facility took care of picking them up from school.

            I can imagine things being different if a family doesn’t want such long days for their kids (school + after-school, both academic), or if they have many after-school activities (like sports, or library visits) where the au pair is helpful for shuttling kids around, or simply if parents want their kids to relax more at home after school.

            I think a lot also depends on how much free time the parents have, as it’s not just when the children stop needing an au pair, but when the parents stop needing the au pair. Technically, I don’t think our kids every really needed the au pair — it was my wife and I that did.

            1. Kindergarten makes sense. That’s still 4 years to go for my daughter. Then again, Pre-K 4 years old mimics that schedule.

              “Technically, I don’t think our kids every really needed the au pair — it was my wife and I that did.”

              Yes indeed.

  11. I personally do not like live-in child care, but an au pair is a very good deal financially and there are many other benefits that you already outlined!

    Our family elected to hire a live out nanny (who speaks another language and teaches it to the kids) and we pay quite a bit more than we would for an au pair, but it’s worth it. We both work a lot, and when we’re home with our kids, we just don’t want another person in our space, no matter how lovely the person may be.

    1. Yeah, it’s definitely not for everyone. I’m glad to hear you found a great live out nanny that you all love and who is also helping your kids learn a second language. Finding the right fit for your family is priceless!

  12. The Weekly stipend of $195.75 is actually dependent on the state. For MA for example families have to align the stipend to match the state minimum hourly wage of $13.5 which, for a 40 hour a week comes up to $540 which is a big jump from the $195.75. A lot pf families in MA abandoned the idea of an aupair because of the wage increase.

    1. Yes you’re right. The law changed in Massachusetts due to a 2014 court order. I’ve updated the post to reference this. Thanks for highlighting it! That’s a significant cost difference for MA residents.

      As far as I can tell, MA is currently the only state to require a higher weekly stipend than the Federal rate.

      1. However, I have to say that this is still the cheapest option even with the wage increase. We love our aupair and already extended with her.

    2. 540 a week is still a lot cheaper than a live out nanny in MA. That being said, we didn’t want to lose the privacy so we went the nanny route. Also, we didn’t trust that a young person would follow covid restrictions.

  13. We had three au pairs from Brazil when our kids were under 5 and what a lifesaver that was. We still keep in touch to this day. There was a learning curve in the beginning and adjustments to having another adult in the house, but I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

    1. So glad to hear you had a positive experience with your au pairs. Brazil is a popular country for incoming au pairs to the US. Entry to the US is currently blocked for Brazil, China, and South Africa. But, National Interest Exception travel waivers can be available for some au pairs at Embassy discretion. And hopefully we’ll get out of this pandemic for good soon so we won’t have to worry about travel restrictions anymore.

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