“What the hell was I thinking going out with him?” the woman cries to her friend as she breaks down in tears. “I can’t believe he’s now with my sister, that asshole!” I couldn’t help but overhear this emotionally destraught woman as I sipped on my lemon water using free wifi. Who knew Starbucks was such a fun place to write?
In a world full of good men, why do women constantly end up with bad men? A man’s biggest fear is becoming a father to a daughter who ends up with a deadbeat loser. If we knew our daughters would always select fantastic men, we wouldn’t be so afraid to have girls! Unfortunately, we are inundated with disaster stories.
Women breaking up with men because they discover they can’t change their man unless he goes through a lobotomy is pretty common. Husbands leaving wives who are mothers to be with younger women is so cliche. It’s hard to imagine it’s been over 20 years since Woody Allen at age 55 pursued 19 year old Soon-Yi. Men are dirty dogs, yet women love us all the same. It’s as if some women are genetically wired to be attracted to trouble.
Let’s go through an exercise to try and understand why women go out with suboptimal men. Altogether this post will have the perspectives of 15 different men and women to better understand “what the hell was I thinking” and save our daughters, sisters and girlfriends from a life of misery.
FIVE BACHELORS – WHICH ONE TO PICK?
The following are five bachelors molded after real people currently looking for love. Have a read of their profiles and tell me which one(s) you prefer.
Occupation: Part-time Grocery Store Clerk
Education: Sasquatch High School
Net Worth: $50,000
Personality: Poser, easily jealous, delusional, and crude. Extremely unmotivated to work unless it’s working on his Dungeons & Dragons strategy. Very insecure and enjoys spending 7-10 hours a day behind a computer.
Looks: Spare tire, pimples, looks eight years older than his age, crooked teeth, thinning hair, and could play a child molester in a cop TV show.
Living Situation: Lives with his mother.
Occupation: Search Engine Optimization specialist
Education: Junior College
Net Worth: $40,000
Personality: Multiple personality disorder. Can be nice at times, but downright evil as well. Does drugs and used to have a big drinking problem. Very insecure because he’s almost 30 and still doesn’t know what to do with his life. All he sees is people his age doing better than him online so he’s constantly depressed. He constantly asks himself: If I am such a great SEO analyst, then why don’t I have my own mega site thanks to my SEO skills? Self doubt permeates through every single pore in his body.
Looks: Thin, 6 feet tall, average looks.
Living Situation: Recently bought a $200,000 one bedroom condo with a $180,000 mortgage because all his friends were buying properties a year ago and he just had to have one too.
Occupation: Bartender/Bar Manager
Education: Northeastern University, not to be confused with Northwestern University
Net Worth: $220,000
Personality: Intense and indifferent at the same time. Doesn’t seem ready to commit to any woman because he hasn’t achieved his dream of being a bar owner yet at the age of 41. He naturally gets to meet a lot of women due to the nature of the business so that is exactly what he does. He’s a master of keeping multiple women on ice.
Looks: Around 5′ 8″ tall and shaves his head with a blade because he’s balding. He looks like a slightly bigger version of movie actor Jason Statham.
Living Situation: Rents a one bedroom for $2,500/month in Manhattan.
Occupation: Private Equity
Education: University of Penn undergrad, Columbia MBA.
Net Worth: $3 million
Personality: Hilarious, charitable, thoughtful, calls his mom once a week, and worries a little too much given he’s responsible for a lot of money. He’s used to succeeding, which makes him come across as arrogant at times. He’s averaged two different dates a week for the past three years since business school. Guys love to hate him, but overall, he has a good heart and wants to settle down now that he’s turning 35 and had his fun.
Looks: Straight teeth, average height, athletic, charming, did a print shoot for Bass when younger. Mothers love him.
Living Situation: Owns a $1.6 million dollar two bedroom condo in Manhattan.
Education: PhD from Yale, Fellowship from Cornell
Net Worth: $100,000, but with huge potential.
Personality: Funny, gregarious, chivalrous, and caring. He wanted to be a pediatrician, but decided to go for a more lucrative field in medicine given he’s spent so much time studying. He’s a little bit of a pushover and lacks some self confidence because he’s getting a very late start in making money having just finished his fellowship at age 35.
Looks: Fit, pretty hairy, tan, looks younger than he is, great smile, has the book smart look.
Living Situation: Rents a a nice $2,900 a month one bedroom as he saves up for a downpayment on a house in Boston.
VIEWPOINTS AS A BROTHER, FATHER, OR BEST FRIEND
The Grocery Store Clerk: Grocery store clerks are some of the hardest working people around. Power to them for working hard rather than complain why the world isn’t fair. But out of shape guys who look like child predators and still live at home with their parents probably should be avoided. The least he can do is try and get in shape, fix his teeth, and find a place of his own at age 30. He doesn’t bother, so it’s no surprise that he’s still single at 30. He’s out.
The SEO Specialist: In a world where search engine optimization is increasingly unnecessary beyond the basics because Google is getting smarter every day, this fella won’t have an SEO career for long. Unfortunately, he recently screwed up his company’s search results and is at risk of getting fired. He’s never held on to a job for more than a year, largely due to his belligerent nature and drinking problem. Despite his deficiencies, girls still go out with him on occasion because he’s normal looking and can mask his nature for the first month. But every girl who has gone out with him before has come away extremely disappointed. He’s out.
The Bar Manager: Women love bachelor #3 because bar managers at hot establishments are like mini-celebrities. If you know the bar manager, you don’t have to wait as long for service. Sometimes he’ll hook you up with free drinks too if he fancies you. Even though Bachelor #1 is creepy, and Bachelor #2 is an angry alcoholic, the bar manager is every father’s worst nightmare because he knows this bar manager will hook up left and right with other women no matter what. The bar manager is the prototypical guy every woman wants to try and “fix.” Few women ever succeed because he’s got so many options he doesn’t need to change. He’s out.
The Private Equity Investor: Lots of women love bachelor #4 because he exudes confidence. He’s not afraid to walk up to women and start an engaging conversation. Once they find out he’s in private equity, it’s goodnight Irene because women assume he’s financially secure and they would be right with a net worth of over $3 million dollars. He’s got a nice ride and a swanky bachelor pad in the West Village. This bachelor’s count is over 100, but hasn’t caught any diseases yet. A lot of women wanted to lock him down in his late 20s, but couldn’t. Now that he’s in his 30s, he’s looking to finally settle down and start a family. Potential!
The Cardiologist: This guy is every mother and father’s dream. He might not be the best looking guy of the bunch, but he is certainly better looking than bachelor #1! This Yale medical doctor’s goal is to help save lives. With a multiple six figure income, his net worth growth potential is enormous. He’s a caring man who wants to treat his wife like a princess. The only downside is that he’s a little old fashioned and would prefer his wife not to work, unless she is a doctor herself. Parents rest easier knowing their daughter will be set for life. Marry my daughter!
SO WHY DO WOMEN PICK BACHELORS #1 AND #2
I surveyed 10 women before writing this post and they came back with the following answers as to why some women still pick Mr. Predator and Mr. SEO. On a side note, if you ever want to strike up a conversation with a beautiful woman, tell them you are a writer and have this scenario you’d like her help with. You’ll be amazed at how much great banter you’ll have.
“Well, if you don’t have much going for you, then you’ve got to settle.”
“Maybe they grew up as childhood friends and that’s all she’s ever known?”
“I’ve been out with bad guys before, and it’s because I know deep down there is good in all of them.”
“I don’t care so much about looks so long as he’s funny. But looking like a child predator creeps me out.”
“If alcoholics never get action, and alcoholism is hereditary, then why are there so many alcoholics?”
“The last time a Cardiologist or a Male Model asked me out was never.”
“Women have needs too.”
“Money isn’t everything you know.”
“The hotter and richer he is, the more stressed out I’ll be.”
“Nothing like a trip to the orthodontist and 50 sessions with my personal trainer can’t fix.”
“She’ll learn, eventually. He’s got divorce written all over him.”
“Bald men are sexy.”
“Maybe she’s just not that attractive.”
“Loser women go out with loser men.”
Thanks for the great perspectives ladies! I particularly like the comment about how one doesn’t want an attractive man because she’ll be more stressed out. Furthermore, I never really thought about “‘loser women go out with loser men” because I’ve also thought of women to be much better than men overall in everything.
TIPS FOR WHERE TO FIND GOOD MEN
* Search online. As a result of an imperfect world, women settle for what they can find instead of what they want. But, something awesome was invented within the past 15 years, and that something is internet dating (What if she’s a man, baby?) through websites like OKCupid, Match, and eHarmony. By harnessing the efficiencies of the web, we can quickly lower our emotional and monetary costs when finding mates with pre-screening. The problem with internet dating is misrepresentation where you meet the person and think, “WTF happened to you?”
* Relocate. If you are looking for Yale cardiologists, move to New Haven, Connecticut and snag them while they are still lowly paid residents! If you are looking for a multi-millionaire Facebook, Google, Twitter, AirBnB, and Netflix employees, move to San Francisco, California. Dating is a numbers game. The more people you are exposed to, the higher the chance of finding someone you’ll love. Be honest with the area in which you currently live. Is it a mecca where ambitious men come to fulfill their dreams? Or is it a place where men go to kick back, smoke some weed, and live off the government? Washington and Colorado, California is with you!
* Through friends. Some of the best relationships come from an introduction. Your friend has already vetted your potential soul mate, so at least you have that going for you. Successful people tend to hang around with other successful people. Ask your friends who you most admire to make some introductions! Everybody loves playing match maker!
* Charity events. It’s hard to donate to charity if you don’t have your personal finances in order. Fund raiser parties are an absolute gold mine for finding financially able and thoughtful men. You’ll be forced to donate to charity as well, but that’s good for your soul, so don’t be shy. Once you are in the philanthropy circuit, you’re in for a long while.
* Go where you always go. Men go to chocolate festivals, spas, Lululemon stores, and yoga class to meet women. So don’t worry women, you don’t have to change your routine as much as you think because men will do all the work for you. Of course you’ve actually got to go out and be active.
WHAT ARE WOMEN THINKING?
As parents, friends, and siblings, we desperately want what’s best for the women in our lives. In a perfect world all five bachelors would be readily available for you to just choose with a point of a finger. Unfortunately, we live in a world full of inefficiencies where we hear women constantly cry, “Where are all the good men?!” or “All the good men are taken!”
With a divorce rate of 50%, it’s up to us to be the objective force that keeps our women from settling. Never stop looking until you find someone you love because you’ll have wasted all those tears and all those years on someone you’ll end up despising if you settle. With more than 3 billion men on earth, it’s highly likely there is somebody for everybody. Even if a relationship doesn’t work out in the end, at least you’ll get half of a lot of money instead of half of nothing if you go with bachelors #4 and #5.
Who are we really to say what will make our daughters happy? Sometimes the train misses a car stuck on the tracks. Sometimes the moon is blue. But until women can start selecting better men, men will always fear for their daughters’ well-being. And until men can stop being bachelors 1-3, then perhaps women won’t be able to change either. Long live free will.
Women, why go out with a bad man when there are so many single good men to sweep you off your feet? Do you agree with any of the comments by women in this post? Why ever settle for a guy who disrespects his mother, yet still lives at home when you can go out with a philanthropist who is saving children for a living? Any hot date for you this coming Valentine’s Day?