Back in 2016, I wrote this post expecting I was going to have a daughter. Therefore, I started thinking about the various things I’d teach her growing up wrapped around personal finance.
I was nervous about how to be a first-time dad, especially to a daughter. I had one friend in her early-30s perpetually go in and out of terrible relationships. The last thing I wanted was for my future daughter to go through 15 years of breakups.
Instead of having a daughter, we had a son in 2017. Therefore, my thoughts were shelved until the end of 2019, when our daughter finally arrived. Hooray!
I’d like to revisit this topic and offer additional points. But first, a story.
A Friend Looking For Love
My friend sent me a picture of her date’s car: a newish $80,000 Porsche 911 convertible. She says she doesn’t care about what kind of car a guy drives, yet she admitted she was all giddy when he picked her up in his new ride.
Being the jerk that I am, I asked her, “How are you going to make out with him since he still lives at home?!” For those who don’t know, there is no functional backseat in a Porsche 911 convertible.
My friend shot eye daggers my way and waved me off.
Her date really doesn’t still live at home with his mom at age 35. I was just poking at her. But he does rent a dinky one-bedroom apartment in the suburbs of San Francisco.
His house-to-car ratio for fiscal responsibility is totally out of whack, signifying to me he is a poor financial choice for a mate. 
This interesting circumstance made me think about things I’d teach my future daughter so she doesn’t make too many dating and other life mistakes.
Now that it’s four years after I wrote this post, I have the ability of hindsight to tell you the relationship didn’t work out. My friend ended up marrying someone else, a homely guy with a good resume. But she admits there is no spark.
Meanwhile, the guy with the Porsche actually decided to move back in with his mom. He’s still single, but at least he has a nice car.
Pay Attention To A Guy’s House Not His Car
I’m in father-to-a-daughter training mode because I know I’ll have a daughter if I ever have a kid. And you know me, I think long and hard about different scenarios way before they ever happen. Protecting my daughter from heartbreak is one of my main goals.
I want to help women around the world who are easily swayed by guys (or gals) with all show and no substance. A car is a perfect smokescreen. No matter how many times a woman says she doesn’t care about a nice car, she almost always does. Guys know this, so they take advantage.
I remember picking up a woman in my 2000 Land Rover Discovery II when he was still only five years old. Even though I bought him for only $8,000, a lot of people viewed Moose as a luxury vehicle costing close to $50,000.
After a couple glasses of wine, my date revealed to me that her neighbor friend texted her during our date saying, “How come guys in Land Rovers always gets the girl?” Apparently she was peeking out the window when I came to pick my friend up. Suffice it to say, I just landed on GO.
If you meet a guy with an expensive car who still lives at home or rents a modest place, warning lights should be flashing due to the incongruities. Start doing some research about his finances.
Questions To At Least Think About
* Did he pay cash for his car? Or is he leasing his vehicle? If he is leasing his vehicle, is he at least leasing it through a company he started?
* If he can afford a luxury automobile, why hasn’t he yet purchased his own home?
* What is his net worth composition? Does he own any assets that have the potential to appreciate?
* What is his debt load like?
* Does he have upside potential with his job?
* Does he have a trust fund or a generous Bank of Mom & Dad? If so, how does that affect the way he sees money.
* Does he read personal finance sites like Financial Samurai to help broaden his knowledge? Or is his favorite pass time playing video games?
* Has he come up with a retirement plan that makes sense? Or is he winging it?
Of course you can’t be so crude as to ask him all these questions directly. But over the course of many dates, you should be able to get a good sense of such things before being more serious. Life is much easier with a healthy financial partner.
Different Strokes For Different Folks
My friend was not pleased with my, “where are you going to make out comment,” so she defended her date by saying, “Different people have different values. He likes cars and he’s single, so why should he buy a place?“
My immediate thought was, “He can’t afford to buy a place because he just spent a fortune on a car!”
But I responded with a more cordial, “You’re right. Why should he buy real estate when he can have such a sweet ride. I myself am looking to buy a similar type of car once I turn 40.“
I know some of you who own nice cars and don’t own real estate may be a little agitated by this post. But here’s the thing. This post isn’t for you. It’s for all the people out there who are easily swayed by shiny expensive things.
For relationship harmony, follow this simple logic:
Be with someone who drives a nice car and also owns a nice house.
Be with someone who drives a regular car and owns his own place.
Be with someone who drives a regular car and rents a regular place.
Be with someone who takes public transportation and rents or owns a regular place.
Avoid someone who drives a nice car and rents a crap hole.
Of course, these conditions are based on the assumption that his debt load is manageable i.e. his asset-to-liability ratio is at least over 2. Owning a home he can’t comfortably afford can be much more damaging.
Why Focusing On His House Is Better
For those of you still unconvinced by my argument, let’s make my reasoning crystal clear! Here are four reasons why having a partner with a nice house is better than having a partner with a nice car.
1) Wealth
In 10 years, a mass produced luxury car will lose 90% of its value, but a home will likely gain 22% in value if we assume a 2% long-term annual growth rate (rate of inflation).
Even if the person’s house gains no value over the 10 years, the homeowner will likely gain at least 12% more equity due to monthly principal pay down. More wealth = easier life.
2) Stability
A homeowner is more likely than a renter to stay put. How many times have you met someone you adored who ended up breaking up with you because he had to leave?
If you are going to spend your time and energy on someone, he better stick around long enough! Even if your potential mate only owns a one bedroom condo, at least you know he’s established roots in the community.
3) Intelligence
Someone who is consistent with his car and living arrangement demonstrates good intelligence and self-esteem. But someone who spends a lot of money on a depreciating asset and nothing towards a potentially appreciating asset is not someone you probably want to be with long term.
If he can so easily be swayed by the “different values” argument on two of the most expensive things one can buy, what other inane logic might your partner come up with? In evolution, intelligence is attractive because it increases a person’s chances for survival.
4) The Future
Living in the moment is all fine until you run out of money. But a great partner is someone who looks to the future. Buying an expensive car he can’t comfortably afford means he is forsaking your future for his immediate pleasure.
Buying a two bedroom or larger property signals that he sees a place for the two of you to grow. It’s much better to be with someone who is thoughtful.
More Things I’ll Teach My Daughter
A father just wants his daughter to be happy. If my daughter can find something she loves to do, earn enough to live a comfortable life, and find someone she loves, I’ll die a happy man!
With the focus of wanting happiness and independence for my daughter, here are some other things I’ll teach by daughter before she leaves the house.
1) Don’t be financially dependent on anyone.
Financial dependence is the worst. I strongly believe each spouse or partner should have his or her own money. By having your own money, you have the financial freedom to do as you please. There won’t be a need to ask for permission or feel bitter about your household’s finances.
Of course, a couple is more than welcome to build a financial life together as a team. However, no matter how strong the partnership, always have an income source and assets of your own.
Divorce is common. If you spend 10 years being a stay at home mom and then end up separating, getting a well-paying job will be hard. Always keep your skills updated. Do some consulting or part-time work throughout motherhood. Hope for the best, but protect yourself from the worst.
2) Avoid a partner who is unable to practice stealth wealth.
The more a man has to show off his wealth, the lower his self-esteem. It is also likely that people who show off their wealth the most have the least amount of wealth.
Try and find a man who doesn’t tell strangers they went to Stanford within the first minute of meeting. Find a person who talks very little of his wealth and how he was able to accumulate his wealth.
Someone who believes in practicing stealth wealth for life is someone who will focus more on you rather than the trappings of wealth. The unhealthy desire for prestige has ruined many relationships.
3) Find someone who credits his success more to luck than skill.
Plenty of people work hard. But some people get much farther due to very fortunate circumstances. The playing field is uneven. Of course your chances of becoming a millionaire are much higher if your parents are already rich. Of course you’ll have a better chance of getting into your parents’ private university as a legacy.
Not only is the playing field uneven, the game is rigged. If you can find a partner who truly appreciates and recognizes his good fortune, there’s a lower chance he will take you for granted. He may also do more to provide for the family.
Related: Your Wealth Is Mostly Due To Luck: Be Grateful!
4) Find the optimist.
The world is a messed up place. Live long enough and we will all endure a tremendous amount of heartache and suffering. The key is to find the optimist who always tries to look at the bright side of things.
For example, although the global pandemic is a killer, it has also minimized the number of school shootings and traffic-related deaths. Find someone who can recognize the gravity of a bad situation and also look forward to a better future.
5) Find a partner who feeds you first.
Finally, dear daughter, I’d like you to find someone who is willing to feed you first before feeding himself. This simple gesture will permeate through everything he does – from considering how you feel first before making any big decisions to taking care of your parents and children.
Because he is so thoughtful, you will love him even more over time.
Below is a great comment from a reader which I think is true:
There needs to be a shift in focus as to what the future of relationships will look like when our daughters grow up.
I also have a 3 year old daughter, and given the trend and data that is out there, I worry LESS about her capability and ability to make a good living, and worry MORE about her finding a partner that will support her in these endeavors.
In essence, given the education and salary trends of girls/women now, my prediction is that my daughter will out-earn the pool of eligible men (or whomever) she may be interested in as a partner. As such, she doesn’t need to pay attention to a car, net worth, or financial capability of her partner, but more so his ability to be supportive of HER career, ability to earn, etc.
The tables will have turned, and just as men of 20 years ago tried to find a partner who would be a good mother, manager of the house, etc., my daughter will need to find a man that is willing to also be a good father, manager of the house, and caregiver.
Be Your Own Independent Person
“As I will tell my daughter one day, it’s easier to go from a hard life to an easy one. An almost superhuman effort is needed to go the other way.” – FS reader.
Look, single guys in their 20s can be forgiven for driving outrageously expensive vehicles that cost way more than 10% of their gross income.
A nice car is the first thing many guys who start making money after college want to buy. In their 20s, most guys and gals aren’t thinking about settling down, starting a family, or retiring early. They just want to live it up to the max!
But if you’re in your mid-30s or older and are still spending money frivolously, just know that eventually, not only will you not have as much wealth as you hoped for, you’ll probably need to buy an even more expensive car to impress other people.
This is because you’ll be older, less in shape, less attractive, and without the skills of a smooth communicator who doesn’t need to rely on an expensive vehicle to get a date.
Life is obviously much easier if you end up with a rich partner or spouse. However, life is also incredibly rewarding when you can be your own financially independent person.
We know our kids will have setbacks. It’s just a part of growing up. All we can do as parents is teach our kids as best we can.
Parents, what are some things you’ll teach your daughter? If you are a daughter, what are some things you wished your dad taught you?
Related:
If You Love Your Spouse, You’d Make Them A Millionaire
Our kids are the same age, although red shiny cars won’t be my red flags to look out for, you have raised some really good points pertaining to financial independence.
Though I believe this can’t be taught, it needs to be earned and learned through years of trial and error, improvising, resilience, opportunity costs and self realisation to self actualisation.
The value of learning through this process of becoming financially independent will supersede going through the dating pool with fine tooth comb with your ‘hard to fault/possibly hard to meet expectations’ guide.
Times have changed, women are levelling up to what was once perceived the main bread winner role; now they are becoming the main bread winner AND primary carer- sad to say, there is no need to look for men these days other than to procreate.
Unless ofcourse, they are equally/more capable than the woman, in that case- they are lucky to find each other and become that financial powerhouse that is so emotionally and intuitively in tune with each other.
Definitely, be teaching her the value of not just building wealth but ALSO protecting it also in the long run, as we all know relationships can breakdown esp if we find people who look good on paper, but don’t spell out the bad bones in the closet (like good family background/upbringing of values/beliefs, who they hang out with/chat with can equally corrupt and crumble the financial cookie house from alcohol/substance/domestic abuse).
I think you’re right. The tables have turned and men need to recognize the shift. I’m excited about our daughter’s future. Equality and empowerment are wonderful. Th one thing I want to guard against is loneliness due to the unhealthy desire for prestige, money, and status. I’ve met so many folks who chased that all and ended up alone.
I love how you say “I know some of you who own nice cars and don’t own real estate may be a little agitated by this post. But here’s the thing. This post isn’t for you. It’s for all the people out there who are easily swayed by shiny expensive things.”
Because people who own expensive cars and don’t own real estate clearly showed that they are not swayed by shiny expensive things. Practically any expensive car could be a down payment for real estate instead, even if you need 20% down.
I don’t think I’ve ever come across relationship advice to seek an optimist as a partner (believe me, I’ve read my fair share of Glamour and Cosmo). I think it’s such great advice since an optimist will always pick themselves up and keep moving forward when facing setbacks. The optimist will also try to smooth things over quickly in a disagreement since he usually sees the bigger picture and can easily remind himself of all the reasons he loves his partner rather than focusing on the thing that may be upsetting him at the moment. The optimist has big hopes and dreams to spark him into action and making them reality. I lucked out in meeting an optimist even though that wasn’t a quality I was looking for in a husband.
Good thoughts in this post but with this next generation, I’m not sure a fancy car is the right red flag. This new generation seems less preoccupied with cars and focused more on experiences. The great spots they’ve traveled to, fancy meals they’ve eaten, having the latest gadgets and fashions that are posted on instagram, tik-tok, snapchat, etc. I think these are the new red flags to look out for.
You hit it right on the spot!
Could not agree more.
I have a nephew who has lived in NYC for 12+ years. He & the wife make high 6 figures each but have nothing saved & rent a 700sq ft apartment for $5500+. Their emails, instagram etc pics are of the $300 dinners with $15 cocktails, the many trips to the Caribbean & exotic cruises. Admittedly he doesn’t own a car but his bride flashes her $40k diamond engagement ring in every pic.
Meanwhile my 26yr old daughter drives a 2014 Tundra that she paid cash for & Sect. 179’d against her real estate investments. She just bought a 6 bedroom home in Scottsdale AZ qualifying herself, no points, no PMI. She makes great money & has had a corporate home office for several years.
She has yet to find a guy that has at least some drive, an inkling of ambition, who is devoid of crushing student loan debt & child support/joint custody baggage.
I do not envy the dating frustration that most aspiring millennials face.
While this is good advice, I think it misses the idea that people come to relationships with different backgrounds, experiences and resources, and that people grow and change over their lives. When my husband and I met, he had debt but good skills that he translated into a solid IT career. I didn’t have any debt when we met, and I worked full time, but I picked a low-paying field (higher education). I only surpassed his salary after 22 years of marriage. I was frugal to a fault; he need some financial planning skills – we worked together to be successful. Finding someone who supports your interests, with whom you share common goals, and who is open to change is key. Good sense of humor helps too. The spendy date may be open to change…….
I don’t remember my parents telling me anything in particular about what to look for in a guy. They were always pretty laid back, but I didn’t date much either. Really good pointers in this post. You clearly are a great dad to be thinking about all of these things!
Congratulations on a wonderful article! It should be required reading for both genders.
I am 79 and have been married for 57 years. We have a son and two daughters. We were married in 1963, and I became pregnant 3 months after marriage. We were renting an apartment in the UK and my young husband insisted that the baby deserved a house to live in. He moved in to our new house the day our son was born. We still use a lot of the furniture we got then.
We were both STEM graduates, my mother would have killed me if I had got married in university and dropped out. So we waited till graduation. In those days, women had to drop out of the workforce when pregnant. But my chemistry degree meant I could study to be a science teacher in the UK, all expenses paid, when my youngest was 7. Then my husband, who is a materials engineer, lost his job. He managed to get a job in LA, teachers are versatile, so we all emigrated. I couldn’t work with his visa, so I studied for a CA science credential. As we had sold our UK house, we could use the equity for down payment on an OC house. We then got green cards and I was able to work.
We are still in that house, which has appreciated no end, with proposition 13 tax relief. We are both fiscally careful, both worked till over 70, both saved in 401s. We both do a small amount of part time work, I am a substitute teacher and love it.
We both love each other more than ever. What were the clues to a very happy and stable marriage. When I was just a girl friend, he noticed that my hands were always cold so he bought me a pair of fleecy gloves. My mother was so impressed, told me that he noticed the little things and cared for me. Then there was his insistence that our baby needed a house to be brought up in. Later he bought the very first baby car seat model sold in the UK, and installed it himself. I remember he had to disassemble the back seat. We used that seat for all our children and it went to our siblings. When our developmentally disabled daughter lost the room she was renting, he helped her finance a small town house and set it up.
Here’s the biggest thing. Two years ago, I had a pulmonary embolism after an outpatient operation on my knee. My heart had to be restarted after he called the paramedics. I am so grateful to him. He was there throughout.
I have known so many women of my generation who are destitute now.
Please all young women and men, read Sam and Sydney, their messages are first rate. Save, save, save. Care for your spouse. Look into financial considerations, Sydney wrote an ideal article on health care considerations, READ IT!
This ^ right here is the best thing I’ve read on the internet in a very long time. Totally choked up. That’s all really good stuff, Gwynedd!
Very glad you have a great life partner Gwyendd! What a blessing!
“When I was just a girl friend, he noticed that my hands were always cold so he bought me a pair of fleecy gloves. My mother was so impressed, told me that he noticed the little things and cared for me.”
Yes, this is what I’m talking about.. the little things as I mention in #5 “find a partner who will feed you first.” It’s these little things that go along way and permeates through everything.
Sam, I feel a duty to disclose that I’ve been implementing your rules throughout my dating life and as a result there is basically nobody left for me to date! If my own experience is any guide, you might be setting up your daughter for failure.
Still kicking myself for turning down the guy who showed up to pick me up for Date 3 in his 3rd fancy sports car. He owned no real property at the time, while I owned several million in real estate. He casually mentioned that he was biding his time until a big inheritance from his parents, so no need to save his money. I felt that our priorities were out of synch, so I declined a Date 4. He might have been my last chance to have a family.
I’m almost 40 now, and my net worth has increased, but not so much for my dating pool. My attitude toward money vs. those of my prospective dates have diverged even more.
I do think your guidelines are realistic if faithfully implemented before the age of 28, when women still have some market value.
Sorry to hear your experience but I don’t think you are alone. You still have time to use a donor if you really want to have children. I don’t think financial samurai’s daughter will have the same problem as other women as his net worth is so high. I know many men who worked hard and provided well and married women with nothing because their dad had a high net worth and could provide a holiday home and inheritance etc. It isn’t right but happens all the time that equals don’t marry. Maybe women should consider men getting inheritances who don’t work hard as marriage material as well. I also agree with another commentator that a supportive husband who can take care of the children and home is just as valuable. Many of my colleagues are a lot more happy and successful than me as their husbands are stay at home dads. Some of their husbands haven’t worked for 10 years. Stereotypes are changing!
Ah, women will always have market value! Don’t sell yourself short.
However, everything is a tradeoff. We can’t expect our partner to be perfect in every way because we aren’t. Often times, we must compromise.
Who knows, what have you ended up starting a long-term relationship with this guy with the third fancy sports car and he turned out to be a complete player? In such a scenario, it is way better you did not go out with him!
Believe me you dodged a real tool. If a person is discussing their finances or future inheritance on the 3rd date they are BS’ing! If people have financial security or future inheritance they are not discussing it on the 3rd date. You hardly know the person. I did not share w/my now wife that I owned 5 houses until after a year of dating. My net worth was probably 1.5 million at the time. Neither she nor I come from any kind of wealth. Relax on your age. I did not get married until 45 and she was 46. We have been married 7 great and happy years now.
Lots of people discuss their income and net worth on a first date these days. I’ve dated a few multi millionaires (five in total) and they always tell me on the first date. Been offered a holiday to France on my first date and other expensive gifts (politely declined both men on a second date as I was not physically attracted to them). Dated or stayed friends with the other millionaires as I was attracted to them. It has always turned out to be true as I have been able to verify their assets and jobs online. Likewise the men who told me their parents were multi millionaires or they had trust funds. All disclosed on first or second date and verified. Most people don’t lie about their families finances.
My mum’s advice was to marry either a chef or a hairdresser…I did end up marrying a chef and have been happy ever since!!
Great! Good advice. I’m watching Chef’s Table on Netflix and the stories are simply beautiful. Please go watch it if you haven’t already.
If a car does not embarrass me to be seen in it, carries me in relative comfort, and starts (and stops) exactly when it should (every time), then I’m good to go with it.
So far as daughters go. At my first college, a large southern school, at our dorms we had to sign in female visitors (and sign them out) during visiting hours, shout “Woman on the floor” when we took them upstairs, and leave the doors to our rooms open while they were there.
At the large northern college I graduated from. It was less formal. I lived in a 12 story dorm that faced the street and, with no air conditioning, we all had our windows open one spring night at about 3 AM when a drunk came home and started yelling at the building. Naturally, a lot of people (a whole lot) started yelling back at him to shut up. I noted that a very large percentage of the voices, perhaps almost half, were female. This was not a coed dorm.
It occurred to me then that, if I ever wound up having sons, they could come to that school. But any daughters would have to go to my first school.
I think there probably needs to be a shift in focus as to what the future of relationships will look like when our daughters grow up. I also have a 3 year old daughter, and given the trend and data that is out there, I worry LESS about her capability and ability to make a good living, and worry MORE about her finding a partner that will support her in these endeavors. In essence, given the education and salary trends of girls/women now, my prediction is that my daughter will out-earn the pool of eligible men (or whomever) she may be interested in as a partner. As such, she doesn’t need to pay attention to a car, net worth, or financial capability of her partner, but more so his ability to be supportive of HER career, ability to earn, etc. The tables will have turned, and just as men of 20 years ago tried to find a partner who would be a good mother, manager of the house, etc., my daughter will need to find a man that is willing to also be a good father, manager of the house, etc. As such, your points #4-5 are more critical, as points #1-3 she will definitely have covered…
Wise words. You are probably right. I should include your thoughts in this post. Go in the majority of college graduates are now women, the trend is definitely that women will make more money and become the main breadwinners.
Therefore, a supportive spouse is indeed important. And this may also mean that many men may end up single and frustrated at their lack of prospects if they lack charisma, looks, personality, and a great career
I’m intrigued about the future!
I always knew I wanted what my parents both had, a partner in life.
My last girlfriend in college, whom I seriously considered marrying, was a senior getting a degree in a very difficult STEM. She would have been great, intellectually and, ahem, in appearance. She also likely would have made a bit more money than me for a lot of my career.
But she would always have wanted to walk three paces behind me. Figuratively, not literally (she wasn’t from an Asian, African, or Muslim culture). She deferred to me in everything and I could not change that, although I tried. That was just what she wanted.
That wasn’t what I wanted.
I didn’t want a permanent subordinate through life (nor a supervisor, for that matter).
Even why you are a guy with no lack of charisma, looks, personality, and a great career (would never say that if this wasn’t anonymous, not because it’s not true but because I’m all that and humble, too), it can be hard to find someone to be your wife that won’t lean one way or the other.
You want an additional challenge in raising a daughter? There ya go. Raise her to neither dominate or be dominated.
Amusingly, people that work with wolves have to be extremely careful to avoid giving the wolf the impression they are either attempting to dominate, or can be dominated. Not that I might be comparing men with wolves . . . or am I?
The future is intriguing, but it is likely already here. Here was a great article on this prospect. wsj.com/articles/a-good-man-is-getting-even-harder-to-find-11570200829
My husband and I currently make the same income but given my career in finance I likely have the ability to out-earn him in the future which brings in careful consideration of who’s career will need to be supported more – conversations that I can imagine my daughter will have even more so.
I come from a family with 3 daughters and one son. All the sisters and even my sister-in-law make significantly more money than the husbands but we’ve all managed to find really thoughtful, caring, and intelligent husbands. I think our success comes from having the same values about family and respect.
This is a real thing. We are older Millennials. My wife has a more successful career than I do, although I’ve done fine too. I’ve passed on some things so that she can advance and it’s paid off really well, but you have to be willing to swallow your pride and be the star in other areas of your life. I take on more household responsibilities, including managing money/budgeting, coordinating childcare or taking care of the kids, cleaning, cooking, shopping, home maintenance, taking care of her needs, etc. My role is to bring balance and improve the quality of our lives outside of work, and also to prudently manage all the bigtime money she is bringing home.
It’s a challenge, but I think lots of men are up to it if they can develop meaning in their lives at home/with family.
I never realized how many people consider other’s purchasing power/spending so early on in dating. My wife and I met at 16 so our perspective is obviously outside the article scope, but similar in some ways.
She was driving her dad’s 10 year old blazer and I was driving a new, fully loaded, fixed-up Ram truck (mostly paid for by my parents) when we met. Here she was, 16, driving around in a fixed up truck with me; she will still tell you how exciting it was. I loved the truck and it was really nice, but I always told her it was just a truck.
At 16, we had no idea who paid for what and what that even would mean in the long-term. But what’s interesting is that I never cared what she drove or how much money she came from even though my family grew-up quite well-off. So we are trying to instill a similar mindset in our kids.
I think it is just as important to look past the cars, houses and bank accounts and really see the person for who they are. At 16, that’s all that mattered to us and it still is all that really matters to us twenty years later.
We are trying to teach our oldest (7) that what matters is the person, not the stuff around them. Sure, the stuff around them may offer some context, but only at a given time, and it can change dramatically and quickly. And if it’s you providing the context based on your own past experience, it can be quite erroneous and you might miss out on the rare, exceptional ones.
That’s great! When both don’t have much money and meet in school, that’s always a treat since the focus is on the relationship. My wife and I met in college and went on the financial path together and more.
Will you be Ok if your daughter gets into a serious relationship at 16?
Assuming s/he is emotionally and mentally mature enough, I don’t have any rational concerns with him/her dating or being involved in a potentially long-term relationship at 16.
I love stories like yours. I have had a few relationships over the years. I believe my first boyfriend and I shared that innocent love you are speaking of. Unfortunately as you age and accumulate positives such as wealth and children as well as negatives such as broken hearts and trust issues it is hard to find that love again. I would love my children to meet their partners young and build their wealth together.
We grew up together pretty quickly as she battled cancer at 18, we spent about 18 months going through multiple (serious) surgeries, chemo and recovery. A second scare, surgery and preventative care for another 3 years after until she went off the week before we married. Moved out of state for two weeks to start grad school, regretted it, withdrew from grad school and moved back to our home area (within 4 months of getting married), and two kids (via multiple IUIs and eventually IVF) all by 35.
Sometimes it just seems like we never got off the rollercoaster and I guess we both kind of liked riding it, together. All those intense life experiences, failures and setbacks along the way helped keep us focused on what really matters.
And the car certainly isn’t it–even if its M5 in the driveway.
As a father of a 14 year old girl I know as a father it is much harder to raise a daughter than a son because you are much more worried about her and how some guy might take advantage of her.
I know a lot of women who had promising careers put on hold because they sacrificed for a potential relationship at the time (moved long distance to be with the guy, put off graduate training etc because it didn’t fit in). Then years later they get divorced and struggle because it is hard to pick up the career path they would have been on after so much time.
I hope to instill in my daughter the confidence to make the guy put in is as much to the relationship as what is expected of the girl.
Pay attention to the condition of a car of someone you might date. If he doesn’t have winter tires for the winter then he doesn’t prioritize safety or any attention to budgeting. Winter tires are a good investment in safety and there is a discount on car insurance for having winter tires.
This may not be pertinent advice where you live Samurai.
I don’t know…
I had dedicated winter tires on cars that were RWD. On FWD or AWD, all-seasons were perfectly capable on snow. Of course snow tires will perform better, but making a conclusion that a person doesn’t prioritize safety or pay attention to budgeting because they don’t put winter tires on their car is in my opinion a reach.
I love cars so I am very attracted to men who drive nice cars (Mercedes amgs are my favourite). I find men who drive nice cars are like me adventurous in other ways. Caveat on that is they should also own property. I always buy my cars (usually European luxury brands) for cash when they are about 5 years old. I trade them in 5 years later. Works for me. My last car was only 1% of the cost of my own house which I own. I am a single mum with kids and never been married. Never received child support. I am the extreme end of financially independent but would love my daughter to get married and be a stay at home mom if she wanted to. Or work part time if she wants to keep her career. I have told her to have her own property before she gets married as well which she can rent out to contribute to family income. That is provided she would get a property settlement and the husband would pay her good child support if they split. That was my plan but out of necessity I’ve had to take care of myself. Will be interesting to see what choices my daughter makes.
What a great post Sam since you now have a little girl. Having 3 teenage daughters, I wholeheartedly agree with all of your advice! I tell them all the time- be able to take care of YOURSELF!!!! Love it. Keep up the great work.
That is a good list Sam,
I would add something about paying attention to your experiences, goals and dreams first and not prioritize finding a guy. As a dad you can encourage exploring different activities as she gets older.
Perhaps she wants to be a tennis pro, musician or expert chef. Having passions and accomplishments beyond her day job will develop her sense of self then help her be brave/trust her instincts. She’ll then likely look for someone who also has developed passions and skills.
Noted! Thanks for the tip. Makes sense!
It would be great if my daughter wasn’t interested in guys until 25 or until she finds a career, whichever comes last! LOL
I’m so excited to introduce her to EVERYTHING and let her figure out what she enjoys doing.
I have a $1,500 car that smokes when I drive it, I rent a great townhouse that costs me 13% of my pre-tax income, and I save 30% towards savings and retirement. Would you date me?
Probably not. But that doesn’t mean you won’t have a fun and successful dating life. How is it by the way?
Do fine for myself – got a great long-term GF. I remember trying to tell a co-worker who made $45k/yr that he didn’t need a Camero to get the girl. He didn’t believe me. He’s still making payments.
I’ve got a little girl myself and was the victim of financial abuse by my ex; I’ve talked to a lot of other women who’ve been in that boat, too. I read a study recently that said that 98% of domestic violence victims surveyed (female, for this particular study) had experienced financial abuse at the hands of their ex. It’s more common even than physical abuse, since often DV can be emotional/psychological without hitting. Also, around half of homeless women are homeless because of having left a DV relationship, and financial insecurity is the #1 reason for staying in such a relationship (we’re not talking oh-no-I-can’t-afford-nice-cheese type of insecurity, we’re talking sleeping-with-kids-in-the-car kinda insecurity)
Keep in mind, DV happens in nice suburbs too, and even to girls with great fathers, so this is stuff your daughter might need to know one day too.
I’ve thought about what lessons I want to teach my daughter based on my own experiences and that of other victims I’ve spoken to, and in addition to the sort of thing you’ve mentioned, this is what I want to teach her:
1. Don’t rely on anyone else for your financial security. Make sure that you can be financially independent if you need to.
2. Don’t rely on your potentially-future-ex being honest, either. A lot of marriages end in divorce, and it’s not uncommon for one party to that divorce to royally **** the other.
3. Always have some money in a bank account that’s just under your name, so if you need to get out, you can.
4. Any assets NEED to be in both parties’ names.
5. Just because you love and trust someone doesn’t mean you shouldn’t protect yourself.
6. Don’t be scared of money. There’s still a societal attitude that “girls can’t do finances”, and it’s way too easy for a girl to accept a guy’s offer of “I’ll look after the money since I’m the head of the household/breadwinner/*insert 50s stereotype here*”. Letting someone else take the reins entirely is a recipe for disaster.
You live, you learn, huh :(
Also, your future daughter might meet an absolutely lovely guy who’s a starving artist, while she’s working as a CEO. Encourage her to find her own successes so that she can look at the person first, house and car second. There was a thing going around on TV in China where a very materialistic girl said that she’d rather cry in the back of a limo than laugh on the back of a bicycle; it’s great to be rich, it’s great to marry rich, but I still think that the best thing is to have a life full of joy and love.
I don’t know whether to give you a standing ovation or a hug, but I feel like doing both. You’re doing your daughter a huge favor by teaching her these lessons in advance. I have also been a victim of domestic violence/abuse and financial abuse was a material component of it.
The only one of your rules that I have a slight issue with is #4: “Any assets NEED to be in both parties’ names.” I think it just needs to be clarified. Any assets that were purchased with joint funds need to be in both parties names. Any assets that were purchased with YOUR FUNDS ONLY need to be titled in YOUR NAME ONLY.
In my particular case, my then-boyfriend (the abuser) lived with me in my home. One of his chief complaints was that it always felt like MY home and not OUR home, no matter how much I encouraged him to rearrange things, paint, etc. I am embarrassed to admit how close I was to deeding at least a small percentage of the house to him, just so he would feel like it was his home, too. Thankfully, I didn’t. Can you imagine how awful it would have been for me to buy that little sliver of my own house back from him later? He might have made me tangle in the courts for years to get him off the deed, and I might have had to sell my entire house to be rid of him.
So for #4, absolutely make sure the stuff you helped pay for is titled jointly. And make sure that the stuff you paid for all by yourself is titled ONLY in your name. If the person you’re in a relationship with gives you grief about having your own separate property, tell them that it is rightfully yours because you bought it, but you’re happy to share so long as you two stay together. If they insist on you titling your separate property in a joint name with them, that is a HUGE red flag. Don’t give into it. And if they keep insisting on it, break up.
Oh yes! I hadn’t thought of that, too easy to just think of things in my context! I put my income in his bank acct and let him buy the house with my savings cause he never saved, but in his name alone. Fortunately courts have seen this b4 so I think I’ll be OK to get my fair share, but gosh, I look back and think how love really is blind! Oops.
Point #4. You wrote “All assets NEED to be in both parties names”.
Point #5. You wrote “Just because you love and trust someone doesn’t mean you shouldn’t protect yourself”.
There are plenty of “Bad Actors” be it male or female out there.
I don’t care if it’s the woman or the man that may have assets before the marriage, union, etc… Protect your assets.
I agree, protect yourself! People may say that you don’t truly love that person. Don’t forget there is a flip side to that and it says the same thing. It goes both ways.
Been there … I would add to your list:
1. Don’t sign a tax return you don’t understand. If he(/she) hasn’t paid taxes on his/her income, then file separately, even if it costs you more as a couple.
2. Avoid joint credit cards if you have any reason for concern.
3. Keep track of both of your credit scores regularly to make sure your partner has not incurred new debt for which you are responsible.
If you’re with an abusive partner, they will try all the tricks described above to manipulate you into adding them to title on your separate assets, or absorbing their debt, or opening up your credit to them. They’ll make you feel guilty by suggesting they you are selfish or greedy or whatever terms work for them to get what they want.
Obviously the better thing to do is choose a quality partner, but we’ve all made mistakes before and trusted the wrong person. The best thing I had going for me was a strong support system when I was ready to open up, so in addition to helping my own daughter make better choices than I did when I was younger, I will also make sure she knows that she can come to me as an adult for guidance or help if she finds herself in a prickly situation.
LOL! This post totally reminds me of somebody I know. This individual is 27 years old, lives at home rent free. He just told me a couple weeks ago he just ordered a brand new Corvette ZR1. He literally spends the majority of his income on depreciating toys! I have tried on several occasions to talk with him about personal finance. He does have a home based landscaping/contracting business where he will do odd jobs for people in the neighborhood. The last I heard he probably makes on average about $4,000 per month net. I have tried to talk to him about changing his spending habits, buying a home and taking more personal responsibility. Although he always says he agrees with me, his actions show otherwise. As far as I know he has absolutely no plans to leave his parents’ home. Pretty amazing the mentality of some people.
I like this post. Most personal finance sites tell you to drive a reliable, boring car, and while I think that’s great advice, it ignores a small group of people–people who like cars. And I don’t mean “people who want a Benz to say that have a Benz”, I mean people who actually enjoy vehicles for more than how luxurious they are. And I think owning something more than, say, a 10 year old Civic doesn’t necessarily mean you’re financially irresponsible, just that you spend your money on things you like (cars) and may be responsible on things you care less about (kind of a Ramit Sethi approach).
But I’m biased. I drive a 2009 Mustang, and also have a motorcycle. Both bought used, and owned outright. I rent a less-than-amazing apartment (it’s not a shithole, however), but rent where I’m at is crazy and I have student loans coming due soon–but I have a few months of savings (and it’s growing), I sock away money in my 401(k) every paycheck, and pay off my credit card in full each month. Owning a fun car doesn’t necessarily have to mean you’re financially irresponsible, you just have to get a fun car that doesn’t break the bank while being financially responsible in other areas.
I suppose it helps luxuriousness in cars doesn’t matter to me–I really don’t care to have a push-to-start car, or something with fancy video screens everywhere, just give me something with a manual, and some power to it. I’m thinking the next car may happen in a few years, and it’ll probably be a used Civic or something similar, in a sportier trim than base though. I’d absolutely hate life if I had to drive a boring car every day, but I want something with a bit more reliability than a Mustang (I’ll always have a soft spot for muscle cars, despite their flaws).
I think a good rule of thumb is that if you want something to look flashy or cool, and there’s no other reason (e.g. buying super expensive clothes if you don’t enjoy fashion, but just to claim you have them), don’t buy it.
I dated a guy who had a good job with potential for advancement, an ok car, nothing flashy and lived with his mom who had some medical stuff going on. Looked ok at the start. He did buy his own place, rented the other room to a friend, turned that into a rental when he got the next house. But after thinking he knew the business better than his boss and losing the job ( a few times), not having the money to repair the car, letting a 401k be disbursed to him, I had some big questions. I would pay for a Friday night date (2 for $20) because he didn’t have the funds. When he got the 401k money it meant (7 years older than me ) he had $0 saved for retirement. Was he expecting me to pay for both of us? He was one of those people who hates working for someone else, but didn’t want to pursue self employment, but I knew he wasn’t going to be happy working when I retired if he wasn’t happy working then.
I have soooo many red flags now! Yet a lot of this is why I intend to have a pre-nup. All my hard earned money is mine, yours is yours, and we can co-mingle what we earn together.
I am so much happier now! It can be more than the car, house etc, it’s the money mentality that is revealed over time.
You are right about having a strong money mentality. You either think about saving first or spending first. I want to be someone who wants to save and invest for his or her future, and then use the proceeds from the profits of his or her investments to pay for a wonderful life.
Life is much much easier once you think about your future a little more carefully.
I went out with a guy who turned up in a beat up old car.
Sadly, his (rented) apartment was not much better.
A flash car would put me off for all the above reasons, but a nice car I think makes a good initial impression. Much as you would ponder over whether a flash car has been paid in cash, you could also wonder if the guy is driving a heap of junk because that’s all he can afford!
Plus, you’re hardly going to be asking about his savings rate or networth on a first date!
I love this post! Whenever I see a new shiny expensive car my first thought is always “what are they compensating for and who are they trying to impress?” Yes, some people do make a lot of money and make wise money choices but there are probably more people who do not. I am so not impressed with one’s ability to spend money on a car. I am much more impressed by someones net worth, which of course you never do know. I am thankfully married to a wonderful man but after a date with a guy like that I would be hesitant to continue a relationship unless I knew he was actually financially stable and not up to he eyeballs in debt.
I can honestly say that I’ve never cared about any guy’s car and that in fact the nicest cars always made alarm bells go off for me (probably due to my rural Alabama roots and naivete, but still a helpful reaction).
In college I once had a guy at a club press his car keys into my hand and become angry when I didn’t recognize the Ferrari logo. I kept thinking he was too drunk to drive and just giving me his keys! I also once was shown the garage on a tour of some guy’s house at a party which contained several expensive cars (probably Lamborghini’s or the like). The house wasn’t that awesome though, and again I was pretty disgusted and also alarmed; suddenly I felt trapped like I was in some drug dealer’s house or at the very least with men who cared a helluva lot about trying to get laid above all else. I went running for a taxi.
Damn you Sam, sometimes this site is a painfulto read! Just sold an expensive Porsche for profit and convinced myself that buying a cheaper Porsche was akin to ‘saving’. As we know, spending less is still spending, not saving. But this Porsche will definitely depreciate and my net worth is only ~$1,000,000
Future me thanks you for this timely reminder.
My daughter always makes fun of the fact that my leg hair is rubbed off at the sock line. I always tell her to never date a guy who doesn’t have hairless sock lines. This either means he’s a loser or his parents are so rich he never needs to wear socks to work ;-). The odds of loaded parents is slim.
You need better rocks
I bought a car worth way, way more than 10% of my income. It’s my transportation, entertainment system, hobby, relaxation machine, pride, and part-time wife. I wouldn’t have minded spending twice as much as I did for a good, sexy car.
That money bought much more happiness than I could ever buy with a house, especially when decent houses in my region are 6.5 – 7 figures. To each his own.
(That being said, my savings are excellent, so I could afford to splurge on the car.)
Yeah Female here, mid 30s , six figure income, own a town house in east bay area. Pretty stable job ( Healthcare) with a very healthy 401k balance. What I find amusing is when I go on a date with a guy who is probably making less than me or maybe the same amount as me but is living it up in the city ( In their mid to late 30s) renting a place with a roommate, probably paying more than my mortgage and also has way less job security than me ( high tech careers are not meant to last after 40). And they look down on me for living in suburbs and buying a house there ( oh poor you , you are stuck there!) and driving a Toyota Rav 4 and not living it up. I almost one to send them to financial counseling after each date, but well we all have to learn our own lessons. I will say I have observed the same pattern amongst good number of my girlfriends as well
“. . . high tech careers are not meant to last after 40.”
Actually, past 40 I find that I get a lot more money and have to do a lot less. Seems like mostly people just want me to take a look at something so I can render an opinion. Experience is valued. Also, the only time I’ve ever been taken unemployment was a few months after the first full business quarter following 9-11 (when my clients looked at their numbers and immediately suspended all software development, along with many, many, other things).
And in perspective it’s all good. I’m in a very good place right now and every bad thing that has ever happened to me was probably essential in bringing me here.
That said, I like learning new things, a career necessity in IT, and I cherish the increasingly rare times when there is actually something for me to code, because I like it the way some people like jigsaw or crossword puzzles.
Just discovered your website.
I have a vaguely similar history to yours: Went to a Public Ivy, got a job for an asset mgr, became a corp bond trader by 25, had ups and downs until the Market Armageddon of ’07-’09 made me accept my mortality and so decided to pull the ripcord at age 39. I was actually massively short banks/financials that was offset by a long industrials cds trade that would have been a legendary trade (it was nominally valued in the $billions) – but I was forced to take off the trade in late summer of ’07 due to accounting reasons…ugh! Bear Stearns went under a few days later out of the blue. I should have been bitter like those dudes who were trapped in that window thing in the original Superman movie but instead I took the whole experience philosophically – I figured that was a sign to find a new road on this hiking trail we call life.
Fast forward to today, I have been busy the past 6 yrs raising my daughter as Mr. Mom. By far the hardest job in the world for a man is to raise an infant/toddler without outside help. Men are not engineered mentally, emotionally or biologically for the task of raising little human beings. Having said that, the bootstrapping method works in all facets of life: With kids, I discovered great success in simply forcing things to work because they had to. There is no greater reward in the universe then the love of a child so all the hard work is easily worth the great reward.
I will certainly teach my daughter to identify substance in things and in people. In this age, the world is becoming broader with the channels opened via the internet, while concomitantly smaller in the sense that people are physically spending most of their waking lives staring at either a tv, computer or smartphone. It is a strange paradox in this current age.
Anyway, technology is always changing but people’s character, morality, integrity, etc. are still measurable like they have always been so it is still important for a parent to teach their children all the rights and wrongs about people and life. Like you and most readers on a site like this, we are pragmatic and sensible types so it is obvious to us why someone with a $100K car who lives in a $1000/mo rental is a dangerous person to get too close to. I, for one, score approx 130 on your FS-FR scale and am proud of it. Of course, there are others who would probably view that score for themselves as an invite to call the Porsche dealer in the morning. I view those people in an agnostic way: they are neither right or wrong. I will, however, guide my daughter to keep those types of people at arm’s length since they are not compatible with what I believe will bring happiness for my daughter.
Anyway, thanks for allowing me to ramble…
Welcome to FS! What took you so long? I’ve been around since 2009. :)
That trade does sound legendary…….. oh man, how big would your bonus have been if that went through? $100M?!
Interesting perspective on Mr. Mom. What does the Mrs do and does she have to work? Seems like you did very well financially.
I don’t peruse the personal finance sites often since there are too many opinions on so few tangible topics that they’ll probably end up confusing me…I’m also one of the countless people – you’re obviously included – who can’t wait for this low rate environment to pass so that there will actually be investment options to discuss. We truly live in the worst time ever to retire early given the rates situation. I have bookmarked your page – your writing is clear and the layout is nice.
As for the short financials trade, as you know the sell-side trader works for a P&L while the buy-side trader works under investment guidelines, benchmark targets, etc…different perspectives and risk profiles exist b/w the two traders. Sell-side traders eat what they kill, in a sense, so they take home more while the buy-side trader has more career stability. Anyway, the trade would have made $billions but that would have been spread out over hundreds of accounts and so forth – it would have been a home run and probably cemented my career but I wouldn’t have gotten a % of the P&L.
The Mom works full-time doing client service work – lots of travel – so the timing of my daughter’s birth coinciding with my career decision made the arrangement seem like the optimal one. I will reiterate that raising a little human being makes for the longest days known to man, but at the same time they are the fastest years known to man as the early years are so precious.
Financially, I won’t go hungry anytime soon but there are many luxuries and toys that I gave up by retiring early before my prime earning years. I don’t get too excited about toys, gadgets, etc. anyway so it doesn’t pain me. It’s like going to Hawaii for vacation: I will have to stay at 3-4 star hotels rather than the 4 Seasons but I’m fine with that since I love Hawaii for the ocean and the mountains rather than the hotel pool and restaurant.
I agree – personally I never owned a car. I don’t see any reason.
My gf thinks that we should have one and I shouldn’t spend much money on rent.
I see it differently – considering I work from home it means I spend 90% time here.
Plus save money for gym membership because we have two usable gyms in the condo building.
In this case, your car & house are both at 0, so this article places your value at 0.
But you have a gf, so perhaps this entire article doesn’t even apply to you. After all, it seems you’re in a rare situation where you don’t have a need for a car. Good for you.
I spent over 40k on a car four years ago even when I didn’t own a house and had more in loans than I could count. 4 years later, l still don’t own a home and still have waay too many loans but the car was paid off within a year. Driving it every day brings me immense Joy and happiness which most people may derive else where. Just thinking about my car makes a rough day feel better. Obviously not a wise financial decision but it has done wonders for my happiness levels. I do not wish I had a beater. I don’t use it too impress. I could care less what other people think. Now my goal is too pay off loans, save and buy a home. Once that is done, I might upgrade the car even more. Or who knows, I might just settle for a junker. If your goal is to drive a junker and live in a modest home, that’s easy. Not much effort for that needed. Yet surprising that so many have difficulty reaching that goal.
Raggaman, if that car makes you happy, then that’s all that matters. I hope your car happiness lasts for a long, long time!
For most people, their happiness over a car or another material thing fades over time. The worst is when the payments stay the same, or if you don’t have enough money to leave your job to do something else. May this never happen to you!
I personally would have MUCH rather have bought a property in 2012 SF. I’d be rich now and could sell the house, buy a $100,000 911 with cash and still have probably $200,000 left over.
I wouldn’t get much of a property for 40k :-)
Four years ago I had no interest in buying property due to many reasons, including the need for mobility. I agree that most people’s happiness fades very quickly with most items. Some of us buy things we cherish and those bring us profound happiness. If I don’t care, I’ll buy something cheap.
I paid off the car in less than a year. Have enough saved to live a few years if I don’t work. Thankfully having a job in very high demand with good pay helps. Basically I live in a rental with a luxury car. Not ideal but this situation works at this point for me due to many uncertainties.
And Sam, my wife wants you to know that she doesn’t understand my love for cars but she sees how happy it makes me. She says if she had followed your advice she would’ve missed out on me :-P
I used to want to get a nice car, a Porsche Cayman to be exact. I’m glad I used that money for my house down payment. It boosted my net worth by quite a lot with the hot housing market in the area.
My goal is to drive my car for at least 15 years. I’ve seen coworkers and friends who lease and finance nice cars, paying from $600/month to $1800/month. It hurts hearing those numbers
You are smart. I was not. At age 24-25 I bought a $72,000 (at the time) Mercedes G500. It was awesome for a year, and then I returned the keys a year later for around a $18,000 loss or something. Too painful to hear. BUT, I did so b/c it would fit in the condo parking lot I bought. Thank goodness I didn’t pass up on the SF condo in 2003!
“Being the jerk that I am, I asked her, “How are you going to make out with him since he still lives at home?!”
LMAO! Hilarious :) Can I borrow you to make snarky comments to my idiot friends? Lots of them own fancy shit they don’t need that are destroying their finances.
Hubby and I have never once owned a car. We mostly use public transportation and car sharing. I hate cars. Depreciating assets are the WORST.
I think it’s cute that you’re looking out for your future daughter. You know what they say: “for a son, you only have to worry about one penis. For a daughter, you have to worry about a million penises.”
(And yes, I just wrote ‘penis’ on your blog. I’m a horrible person.)
That is a good saying I have never heard before! Thanks for sharing. Now I’m really afraid.
HA HA. It’s scary because it’s true.
These are blatantly sexist comments.
What’s wrong with penises? There are plenty of women who wish they could encounter more penises in their lives. And why shouldn’t your (theoretical) son be afraid of all the vaginas he’s going to encounter?
A classic Porsche 911 could actually be a good investment, if you can get one for a reasonable price! Maybe one that needs a little touching up, buy it cheap and flip it for a profit :)
I’ve never felt attracted to the guys with the flashy cars, and I hope to teach my daughter the same. So far she only shows special interest in men on motorcycles, but we have to cut her some slack for that. She is two years old.
Haha, nice. I wonder if mothers fear for their daughters as much as fathers fear for their daughters. Hmmm.
Haha great advice! When I first met my wife I picked her up in my 1997 honda civic hatchback, thankfully she’s kinda into frugality, or maybe it was the puppy I had recently adopted…
Guys: ditch the sports car for a puppy, it works every time!
Puppy works way better than a car! But… I wonder what might be more expensive over a 10-20 year period. But, how can we put a price on love?