To all the ladies in the house, you’re in for a real treat! To all the fellas thinking about proposing, maybe not! It all depends on how materialistic you are in the first place. Even if you are already married ladies, point your hubby to this article about the new rule for engagement ring buying. If you do, you might just get a ring upgrade!
So what’s the new rule for engagement ring buying you ask?
Well before we get into the most obvious new engagement buying rule all of society should follow, let’s discuss some of the current ridiculous engagement ring rules that must be thrown out the window!
Current Engagement Ring Buying Rules
The following are the present engagement ring buying rules that seem outdated today.
1) The Three Months Gross Salary Rule
This rule stipulates that if a man makes $80,000 a year, he should spend $20,000 on an engagement ring! What kind of nut came up with that idea?
There’s really no rhyme or reason why a man should spend three months of his gross salary on an engagement ring, let alone two months. After taxes, three months gross is equivalent to about 1/3rd his take home pay.
Imagine if the man makes $480,000 a year, a top 1% income. Is he supposed to buy her a $120,000 Harry Winston pink diamond? That’s ridiculous. People don’t get to top income and wealth levels by spending so frivolously.
Here are some variations of the three months gross salary rule:
A) The Three Months Net Salary Rule. Crazy!
B) The Two Months Gross or Net Salary Rule. Nuts!
C) The 1 Month Gross or Net Salary Rule. OK, not so bad as it’s under 1/10th a person’s annual gross or net income. I’m OK with spending one month’s gross salary on an engagement ring.
2) The Age Rule
Another crazy engagement ring buying rule is to buy a quality ring whose size is equivalent to the age of the woman. For example, if the man proposes to a 32-year-old woman, he should buy a 3.2 carat diamond engagement ring! Wow! Even if he proposes to a young 18-year-old, that’s still 1.8 carats.
What if you’re a late bloomer, or are simply into older partners? Is a person supposed to buy a 50-year-old vixen a 5.0 carat ring? Forget it! Those diamond engagement rings are unaffordable to most people.
A very rich woman in the investment industry told me about this Age rule one day. She showed me her 3 carat, E color, VVS1 princess cut diamond as proof. Poor guy.
Related: The Best Age To Have A Baby
3) The Beauty Rule
This could be the most dangerous rule as it is all-or-none. Essentially, every man before proposing will say how beautiful his girlfriend is. The problem with showering her with praise such as, “You are the most beautiful woman in the world,” or “Your beauty makes the stars look dim” is that you are setting expectations incredibly high!
Your fiancé will rightly think that if she really is the most beautiful woman in the world, she better get the biggest, most beautiful rock in the world! If I am a 10/10, then you better give me the most luxurious engagement ring among all my girlfriends.
If her best girlfriend has a $50,000 ring, you best get your fiancé at least a $51,000 if she is truly the most beautiful person in the world.
Women will pretend to tell you they don’t care what ring you get. But don’t listen, not for one second, unless you want to start sleeping on the couch.
Therefore, if you want to save money on an engagement ring, you may want to tone down your lavish praise on beauty and focus more on other attributes. Some suggestions include:
- You are a multi-tasking warrior! I love you!
- You really know your sports teams. I love you!
- Your meatloaf is the best. Will you marry me?
The Solution: The Car Rule For Engagement Ring Buying
Now that you understand the various outdated engagement ring buying rules for guys to follow let’s talk about the new rule for engagement ring buying. It is called: The Car Rule For Engagement Ring Buying.
The Car Rule For Engagement Ring Buying simply states that a man should spend up to, but no more than the initial purchase price of his car!
Most guys like cars. The more obsessed he is about cars, the bigger and better your potential ring. We all realize that buying a car hurts our finances because it’s a depreciating asset. Yet, guys still overspend anyway, and in a big way.
If a guy making $80,000 a year is dumb enough to buy a $50,000 Cadillac Escalade, you should most definitely demand he spend $50,000 on a 2 carat, Tiffany Novo ring that is an E color with VVS1 clarity! Blow up his finances with glee!
Conversely, if your man is fortunate enough to make $300,000 a year, but drives a 10 year old Honda Civic he bought for $3,000 8 years ago, then all you can really hope for is that he buys you a nice 0.25 carat, H color, VS2 ring from a generic store.
Starting your marriage off with financial equality and financial discipline is the right thing to do. Money consistently ranks up there as the top reason couples fight.
Unless you live in New York City, San Francisco, or Los Angeles where the average carat size is about 1.5, forget about keeping up with the Joneses. The national average carat size is around 1 carat, so stop being greedy!
Finally, if the man so happens to be the biggest nature lover on earth and takes the bus and rides his bike, well, you’re out of luck! There is no way you can demand anything more than a Push Pop ring!
Be Practical With Your Engagement Ring Purchase
Cars are to men what engagement rings and are to women. If your man can’t spend as much money for a ring as he does on his car, this may be a bad omen for your marriage.
He is being completely selfish if he hints to you that spending money on a nice engagement ring is a waste of money. This is especially true if he’s sporting anything MORE than a $22,000 Honda Civic in his garage!
If a man follows the 1/10th rule for car buying, he’ll never be stuck in this engagement buying predicament. Of course, the woman can be incredibly gracious and tell him only love matters. But we all know women are just being nice!
If you want to build a strong financial future together, spending as little as possible on an engagement ring makes the most sense. You can use the money you saved to invest in the stock market, save up for a down payment, or do any number of more financially responsible things.
Remember, the more expensive your engagement ring, the greater the cost to insure it. Further, if you lose your engagement ring or get robbed, the loss will feel much worse.
If you’re still early in your financial journey, then get the cheapest engagement ring possible. There’s no law that says you have to get a diamond engagement ring. There are plenty of gemstones that look beautiful and cost a lot less. Further, you can get manmade diamond engagement rings as well.
Once you’ve built up a good amount of wealth, you can always “upgrade” to a nicer engagement ring. You can use this opportunity to renew your vows as well.
Top 20 Most Popular Engagement Rings
Curious what the most popular engagement ring designs are right now? Check out the latest top 20 most popular engagement rings. There are so many beautiful choices nowadays with that wow factor you’re looking for.
It’s hard to go wrong with a classic solitaire of course. But, it’s definitely worth looking at the top 20 engagement ring designs. As her for her opinion as well. If you do, chances are much higher she’ll be ecstatic with whatever ring you choose.
After all, you know the first thing everyone (at least your female friends) will say when they find out you’re engaged is, “Congrats! Show me the ring!!”
If you want to add your own personal touches to one of the most popular engagement ring designs or get a custom ring , it’s easier than ever to do so now. Blue Nile, the first and largest on-line diamond retailer, has a Build Your Own Ring feature that lets you choose from over 300 settings.
Filter by price, metal, metal karat, band width, designer, material and more. Once you find a setting, select a diamond using convenient filters for price, carat, cut, clarity, color and much more.
Being able to browse for engagement rings and compare prices from home or anywhere you have internet access without the pressure of a salesperson staring at you the whole time is super convenient and so much less stressful. I also recommend reading my Diamond Engagement Ring Buying Tips For Couples.
If you are going to buy an engagement ring, just make sure you spend within your means. You can following my engagement ring buying rule or not. At the end of the day, make sure you start your marriage off on a financially good footing.
Related: The Average Net Worth For The Above Average Married Couple
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I think it really depends on the woman. What does she want? Personally I am not into expensive things that are small and easy to lose. I told him I didn’t want an engagement ring. He still wanted to get me one because “don’t you need something to show off? I want you to be able to have that girly experience of showing everyone ‘the ring'” Ok… I told him I need to be able to throw it into the ocean and have him not freak out. If he freaks out, then he’s spent too much and it’s his own fault because I’m telling him the criteria for getting me a ring now.
Since I’m against the diamond trade, I told him I’d prefer a different type of engagement ring. I listed off some acceptable stones and he got me my favorite: a black pearl. I also don’t aesthetically like yellow gold as much as silver. So he went with white gold.
I just want what I like, and for him to demonstrate that he knows and respects what that is. Still happily married.
This sounds awesome. We didn’t do rings until after we were married, but I wish I had done the girly experience of getting one beforehand. How cool to have a guy who would think of something like that. Our rings are silicone for safety and they are less than twenty dollars IIRC.
Right, just to find your point of view, I mined gold out of old rivers in Africa, searched for gemstones in bedrock, with my own hands, to make a ring for my fiance. It might not be worth 1 months salary. But the effort, story, adventure etc has some weight I’d think. I mean, how many of you can say you’ve searched jungles, rivers, mountains to make the ring… just makes the whole having to spend a certain amount seem so, emotionless.
I had a big, flashy ring and a cheating husband (now ex-husband) who broke my heart. Ladies, get a grip. It’s not the size of the ring that matters. It is the size of his character and integrity. I would rather have no ring and a devoted, loyal partner who shares my goals and dreams. That is what makes a happy life.
Yes!
Just a bit of advice. Go to Tiffany or whatever and find out what she wants. Write down the cut, clarity, carat etc and take a picture of the ring. Find a friend with a retail license and go directly to a diamond wholesale seller/ diamond cutter. They generally won’t make an appointment unless you have a retail license number. “Wholesale” where you can just walk in the door isn’t real wholesale. They don’t usually don’t sell single diamonds, you can offer them a premium cash for the exact same quality diamond and they’ll likely take it if you don’t have a friend/family connection. This will save you 60-70% on the exact same diamond. It’s worth slipping them 10%. The setting is the easy part, almost and jewlrey importer can find you a replica of the setting in platinum or white gold if that’s what she wants. Have a jewler set it and you’re done for a fraction of the cost. Same ring, < 50% of the "best price" vs. walking in the door. I spent 11k vs. 35 best I could find in a store. Easy in SF or New York. May be harder in other areas.
Why should a guy who buys a sensible $25,000 new car and drives it for 10 years be on the hook for a bigger ring than the guy who frequently buys and sells cheaper $15,000 used cars?
The article is spot on because driving is not a RIGHT but a PRIVILEGE. Meaning the government doesn’t thank you need a car to get to work. So you can still be gainfully employed and can take the bus, walk or drive a beater car. Buying a $100,000 car gets you to work the same way as a $10,000 one, one is more wasteful and have no value much like the engagement ring.
This article is fantastic! For starters, as a women, I find nothing wrong with comparing an interest in fine jewelry to that of a man’s interest in cars (Or in my husband’s case, computers and technology…)
My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years. My original engagement ring was $700. He was 20 and lived with a roommate and drove an 82 Chevy pickup. Maybe worth $200 at the time. But I wasn’t marrying him for his car, or for a ring, I was marrying him because he was an amazing guy!
Flash forward 7 years later. A 09 toyota Matrix, followed by a Nissan Leaf, Corolla’s traded in for mini vans and vacations on hold for raising 3 beautiful boys.
My husband doesn’t drive a pickup anymore, and I also don’t wear a $700 ring. We’ve upgraded to an 8k ring and in turn he’s ended up upgrading his car, or more importantly all those expensive Apple computers. But we’re also 8 years in, things change, and raises usually equal upgrades.
My point is NOT that bigger is better, but life changes. You can upgrade cars and rings and computers all you want, but its pretty difficult to upgrade to an even better person to share your life with. I always tell my husband a little extra “sparkle” doesn’t hurt, but diamonds aren’t my best friend, my best friend is the person I go to bed with and wake up with every single day.
Great article. If you can spend a lot on your toys, you can spend just as much on your wife. Remember, diamond or no diamond, marriage is a partnership. It’s putting the other person first in every situation. And if that won’t work, marriage probably won’t work for you.
I love and agree with everythng in this post!
Out of all of the comments this is my favorite. All of the others are full of hate and judgement. I have been with my partner for 8 years we’ve rented then upgraded and bought a house. We had 1 car now we have two And 2 beautiful children. I’m only 28 and would love to get married and have a wedding someday (and a fancy ring to go with it) but right now we are busy living our lives and I love him no less because of it.
While I agree that the guy who overspends on his car above what he makes will likely overspend bucks for a bling bling because he doesn’t know how to think, I don’t expect that the guy who earns 300K and is frugal on his depreciating car buying is going to be frugal on the ring buying too precisely because he’s smart and knows what he should only be frugal with.
Interesting comment. I may fall into this category. I spent approximately 10x as much on the ring. I don’t mind having a “reasonably priced car” for the pure utility it offers in getting from A to B (safely). I understand that my SO will be wearing her ring for the rest of our lives and I would like her to feel proud each and every day that she wakes up. This is more important to me.
The main subject for this article is fun and interesting, I didn’t know there were so many different ways to get a price estimate for a ring. There is, however, one thing I really don’t like about this article. Not all women want a big ring. Personally I don’t want any ring for my engagement, I don’t wear them and it would just sit in a draw somewhere. However both my partner and I are very traditional so I suspect he will get me a ring. I have told him that if he gets me an engagement ring I want the traditional Irish claddagh ring (a ring with a heart wearing a crown held in hands), in silver. This ring has no jewels and in silver I would expect it to cost no more than about $100, maybe $150 as they are becoming more popular. If I were to get an engagement ring, I would want my partner to think about what I would want, not just look for the biggest rock he could afford.
I like your levelheadedness! Some readers get very emotional with this subject for some reason. This post highlights these engagement ring guidelines from around the world. At the end of the day, make a decision that feels most comfortable for your finances!
Related: How Much Should My Net Worth Or Savings Be By Income?
Hi Fiancial Samurai,
I’ve been looking for engagement rings, and your article popped up.
I wanted to point out how flawed your logic is.
It doesn’t make any sense to compare a car to an accessory like jewelry.
One typically needs a car, or any vehicle for that matter, to get to work to actually earn money.
Can you do that with an engagement ring? No, you can’t.
I’m sure you personally have to drive a car to get to work so you can earn money.
Unless you don’t work, and you rely off of someone else’s money, how can you even label spending money on a vehicle as something wasteful?
I do agree you should spend a decent amount of money on the ring, but that shouldn’t be the most important factor of marrying someone.
If you have the issue of your man cheaping out on the engagement ring, maybe you just chose the wrong partner to begin with and the ring is the icing on the cake?
But really though, why should you spend so much money on it in the first place?
To symbolize love? Does that mean your love is something that can be bought?
I sure hope not.
With that kind of thinking, that would mean you’re a gold digger.
Now, if you’re raking in a lot of money, then spending money on a ring shouldn’t be an issue. Some people actually like to save money though. and some women don’t want their man to spend a lot on their engagement rings either. Too many variables apply.
People have a lot of varying view points on how much they should spend, but it’s not a one-size-fits-all type situation.
You sound like a typical wasteful consumer not worried about saving money.
You probably shouldn’t be giving advice to people. Instead of giving insightful information, you’ve just wasted the time of anyone reading this article. I also wasted my time to tell you this, but it was worth it.
Here are good follow up posts:
How To Get A Rich Man To Be Your Boyfriend Or Husband
How Much Savings Should I Have By Age?
I love all these jaded, divorce-obsessed men defending their sleek and shiny assertions of phallic dominance!
I’m all about modesty in the ring department (let’s get real – does this woman wearing her 3 carat, E color, VVS1 yellow diamond not feel absurd making sandwiches and flushing toilets with that hand?). I’m also all about going Dutch, or finding a wedding band for the groom that is just as flashy and fabulous!
However – in response to all of these risk-assessment fellows who insist that true feminists don’t deserve engagement rings, and especially in response to the gentleman who suggested that a woman’s only contribution to a marriage is her swell company, I pose the question: do you have the expectation that your wife will bear any children?
Maybe we should calculate what 9 months of pregnancy and the experience of childbirth is worth to you? Your child is essentially renting her uterus, after all. A studio apartment can sometimes go for $500/month; is that not an adequate comparison? So far you’re looking at a $4.5k ring. Double that if you want two kids. Triple it for three.
If a guy isn’t willing to shell out a couple of grand on principle because a lady’s contribution is inadequate, perhaps this lady isn’t unjustified in suggesting that she bear some other, better-looking guy’s child…aw, hell, just adopt a bunch of cats. After all, what is HIS sperm really contributing to marriage?
Is this argument absurd? OF COURSE. But so is the suggestion that someone you love and care about enough to promise the best years of your life to doesn’t ‘deserve’ a potentially expensive item just because, you know….they got the right to vote, so just shut up already.
Samantha: I was just about to post the exact same argument, then I read your post. I totally agree.
To the guys who think women who want an engagement ring are shallow, money-grabbing bitches, please ask yourself: Do you want children? Do you want your future spouse to personally donate her eggs for your children? Do you want her to personally nurture that baby in her uterus for nine months, all the while experiencing the following non-exclusive list of symptoms: Morning sickness; frequent urination; vaginal discharge; gas and bloating; bleeding gums; constipation; excessive salivation; hemorrhoids; itchy skin; nosebleeds; swollen extremities (edema); yeast infections, and possible other life-threatening complications? At the conclusion of those nine months, do you expert her to push that baby out of her vagina while experiencing horrific pain and more possible life-threatening complications (if you don’t believe labor is painful, consider watching see Do you expect her to do this, possibly multiple times, for free?
I won’t go into the costs of actually raising the child once it’s born: as a feminist, I’m assuming that both partners will take equal responsibility for that. But, the one thing men can’t do is pregnancy. Generally, it costs somewhere around $100,000.00-$150,000.00 to hire a surrogate mother. And, the surrogate mother isn’t supplying the egg. That will cost you more. Thus, I think a reasonable estimate of the value of a wife supplying you children is likely at least around $100,000.00 PER CHILD. It should be noted that every women I’ve talked to, regardless of whether they desire children, has had multiple nightmares about pregnancy. Although I may want a child or two, my worst nightmare has been, hands down, about giving birth. I’m guessing you expect your future wife to go through this horror FOR FREE because she loves you.
In contrast, the average engagement ring costs around $5,000.00.
Do I believe that a man should spend $100,000.00 on an engagement ring? NO. Do I think a man should go into debt for an engagement ring? NO. But, given our current cultural norms and the expectation that you may have a child or two after marriage, if a man isn’t willing to spend some reasonable amount on whatever a woman wants as an engagement gift because he can’t see the value of everything (let alone the pregnancies) she’s promising to contribute in their marriage, the guy is not marriage material. If she wants something sparkly, so be it. If she wants a bank account, so be it. If she wants to take a vacation with you, consider yourself lucky.
your problem is that you assume man and woman will equally contribute to the financial upkeep of the child. the facts are on average, they wont. Not only do men make more on average, but in couples raising a child together than man works much more often than the woman…
so to use your logic, the WOMAN should be buying the man an expensive bauble for each child he gives her.
Jaded much? Wow.
I totally agree with the car/jewelry and partners analogies, but this whole “men should be grateful for having us and our womb” tirade was ridiculous. You basically said the ring should pay for what your uterus spits out (I get that it’s meant to be a broader point than just the ring). “As a feminist” you have laid out an entire argument that presents men as users of your child birthing parts and yourself as a paid for distribution center. It should be two way street of appreciation for what each brings to the table, if that isn’t there, then maybe don’t have children? Please.
To the other posters, thank you for the insight on letting the SO choose the style/type of ring, that makes total sense to me (I’m CLUELESS on picking the right jewelry and I know it). This process of looking for the right ring is a bit stressful as is, but I still have to come up with a fun/memorable proposal! =-)
Cheers all.
ROFLMAO
“phallic dominance”
“women should be given a ring which costs 4.5k * the number of kids you want to have”
“as a feminist”
I simply do not believe that Julia/Samantha are real posters. They MUST be trolls. There is NO WAY smart + emotionally healthy women actually believe that nonsense. I’m CRYING with laughter.
This article made me decide not to get married. Saved me a bunch of money. Thanks.
Your welcome! I hope you can still have a great relationship and also use those tax savings for a better life together!
Tdub FTW. Ladies, I just have to say, you should ask yourselves why having a huge ass diamond means so much to you?
My fiance proposed with a family ring and he didn’t spend a dime. He also traded in his car for a bike so I guess I should have seen this coming.
It certainly isn’t huge but its beautiful and has been in the family for generations. I’m thrilled he didn’t drop some crazy amount of money on a piece of jewelry. That means more money for our wedding/honey moon/ down payment on a house…whatever. I know to each their own but I’m more excited about marrying a man who is supportive, makes decisions with me and whom I trust to love me unconditionally and eternally. I don’t need a 20,000$ ring to prove my worth or our worth as a couple. It is bizarre to me that anyone would.
Exactly.
Yes!
why should it really be so influenced by the circumstance of the giver, when it is the receiver who will be wearing it every single day for the rest of their life. a good test is to ask the girl how much she would spend on her own ring, and what cut she would choose, if the girl was supposed to buy her own ring, and there’s your answer. if you would be happier spending more/less make the diamond a tiny bit bigger/smaller, or choose a more/less expensive metal in the same colour scheme i.e. replace silver with white gold or white gold with platinum.
I appreciate this article. I agree the old “rules” for engagement rings are ridiculous. For the past year or so I’ve brought up the fact to my husband that he LOVES cars, and wastes so much money on them and jewelry to me is like cars to him; only my jewelry will never lose its value, yet every car hes ever owned or will own will just become a hunk of wasted money and junk over a short period of time with absolutely NOTHING to show for it in the end.
cars= shiny metallic objects, rust, break, fall apart, cost to upkeep, always in demand of repairs/service, tires, oil, road tax/license fees, cost more than the original price, quickly depreciating value; yet still somehow brings owner happiness
jewelry = shiny metallic objects that never lose value, rarely cost more than the original price, small amounts or service usually free anyway, won’t depreciate; brings happiness to owner
My husband is really a bit of a not-so-nice when it comes to the combination of me and jewelry. I really don’t ask for much of anything, but I do love and appreciate jewelry. I don’t wear expensive clothing or waste money on handbags, clothing, hairstyles or jewelry or anything really. Over the past 11 years or so I’ve bought him PS4, ifad this, ifad that, phones, cameras, expensive watches etc, expensive clothing, whatever he desired; totalling many thousands of dollars, all paid with my own hard saved money, not OUR money. He has always earned about 4x what I make. He has a new, leased or new/used car every few years. I’m grateful that I’ve had a couple of nice cars too. And I do adore my husband. But as soon as I bring up jewelry, he literally just “cant’t stand it” and “it’s a waste of money” and has no patience for any of it.
In fairness to him he has bought me a couple of jewelry items that I do love and are valuable, but if we’re talking “fairness” in respect to money spent on each other, I’ve spent FAR MORE on him and his toys.
I will admit that yes, because he earns more, he spends more on upkeep of our home and lifestyle; but again I dont ask for much, and once in a while, when I do want a nice piece of jewelry ($150-500), it would be nice if he would think about how much it means to ME, and not so much about what it means to him. Do I love him – yes. Does he love me – yes. Is he generally a wonderful person – yes. I’m not trying to say “poor me” or say that hes a terrible husband or person, because he’s not.
What sparked all of this conversation and me finding this website, was HIM getting tipsy one night and ALL OF HIS OWN ACCORD, telling me that for our anniversary I could pick out my “dream ring” with a budget of $5K, and then says he doesn’t remember it and it’s way too much money. All the while he’s planning to get himself an new/used car for $10-40k in the next year, and I have never once told him he can’t do it.
Sorry darling, I love you, but you REALLY hurt my feelings, and make me feel like I’m not worth as much to you as your wants and your expensive car habits.
ROFLMAO. not sure if this is a troll post or not.
So what would happen if he spends 150$ on an engagement ring?
This article is quite interesting. The beauty of this topic is that no two people are the same. It’s like politics. Yes, there are two major sides but the lines blur when you get into the deeper arguments. I can speak from experience to say that the size of “the ring” usually correlates to a person’s feeling of worth. The man wants to either be practical and make a financially sound decision and does, he could get bullied into a larger and pricier ring because he does not want to argue and does not wear the pants in the relationship or he feels that he needs or wants to show off his worth to others and splurges.
On to my second point, women wear large rocks for other women. We want to show the world that we value ourselves and we make good decisions in finding a partner. Those that talk about “feminism” do not understand the true nature of man. We are primitive creatures that still uphold the “hunter, gatherer” traditions. We want to show that our mate is powerful and successful (think Lion King here), and that we are attractive and the best possible mates.
Very simple way of dealing with this…. Make the best possible decision for your wallet, your future and your place in life and work on making the future marriage a successful one.
I don’t think it’s fair to say that women expect men to spend that much money on an engagement ring. SOME women, yes, but not all. The author’s generalization of women is extremely unfair. That’s like saying that because women in porn let men do X to her, that they ALL will, which, as I’m sure even the author has discovered, is not true.
And $20k-$50k? Are you insane? Where’s my damn house? If my SO proposed to me with something that cost that much, I don’t care how much money he makes (which is NOT enough to justify spending that much) he’d be returning it and buying something sensibly priced. It is not about “what she is worth” or “how beautiful you say she is” or “how much your fucking car costs”. Any woman who sees their SO’s car and says/thinks “well, if he can spend $50k on something that will only lower in value but is actually a useful, functional item, then he should spend at least that on my ring” needs her head examined and possibly to be sterilized so she cannot infect her children with that ridiculous way of thinking.
You can also take diamonds and stick them up your ass; I don’t really like them. And that’s another thing: how is your SO supposed to divine what style of ring YOU will want to wear for the rest of your life? Why does he get to choose it? My SO would NEVER have even found the ring I picked, never mind known that it’s what I would want. He would have gone to some jewelry store and picked out [insert generic diamond solitaire engagement ring here] because what does he know about buying rings except that jewelry stores sell them and that diamonds are “tradition” (created by the diamond industry to convince non-rich people to buy diamonds)?
That also leaves out those couples who live together and have joint finances BEFORE getting engaged. If HE bought me an engagement ring it would be US paying for it because the money would come out of our single, JOINT account. HE is not expected to pay for anything. WE are making a decision together with OUR money. And my ring will likely only cost $3000. I say “only” as compared to $20k. $3000 is a lot of money to many people, me included.
I think it is GREAT that you allow him to drive a nice car and spent a much smaller amount on a ring. More power to both of you. I know he will really appreciate it too.
Most women won’t agree~! I think most women will be pretty upset when their husband drives a fancy corvette, gets a new expensive Apple computer, $900 cell phone and then the wife gets a crackerjack ring?! Well, I brought that up to my husband and sure enough, he got me a very beautiful ring. I did give him some old gold to help with a trade-in, since I never wear the stuff. He paid 90% of the ring in cash. The other ten percent was from the old gold I gave him to trade-in for the ring. We’re both very happy with the arrangement. He couldn’t live with himself knowing that he drove a corvette, had an expensive apple computer & cell phone and what did he get me??! I got a gorgeous big rock to wear everyday! Even my husband likes the ring and shows it off to all who will listen. The whole point is to make each other happy! :)
You’re ridiculous. Be happy with whatever you get. How about that?
I make a decent salary. I do drive a new corvette, have both the “expensive” Mac and PC computers (not sure what that has to do with anything), have the new phones and iPods, and have a modest house. You think my future wife is going to be sporting some crazy ring because of it? Nope.
You’re in it for the wrong reasons. If you think a ring defines how someone feels about you then I have met the problem that exists today.
Gone are the days when the woman’s family pays for the wedding. I’m sure that’ll be on me and my family. And you need a rock to tell you how I feel? Got it.
Sorry for your hubby. That sucks. It’s sad that everything boils down to money these days with this type of personality.
Well said.
As long as you don’t mind driving your engagement ring to work, I guess your reasoning is sound.
My SO and I went ring shopping the other day. He makes over 6figs a year and drives a nice car – it’s a little older, but it’s still a luxury sports convertible. I was annoyed when he gawked at the 6k ring I had initially wanted to get a few months before, so when we went shopping together recently, I looked at all rings ignoring the price.
That said, the one I fell in love with was only about 4k, closer to 3k when the shopkeeper gave us a discount for him buying it on the spot (which was actually about the price he wanted to pay, conveniently enough for him). I love antique rings, and this one was 1920s platinum and had a very unique design with a lot of filigree. The largest diamond was only around .57 carats with .24 carats worth of accent diamonds, and it didn’t have any other stones on it, like I had previously wanted, but I don’t know. For some reason it struck me. There was a similar ring for 14k, that I was leaning towards, but honestly I genuinely liked the other, smaller one better, and the 14k one, while it had a larger diamond, didn’t have the character and detailed filigree of the other one. So much to my own annoyance… because I really wanted to make him stretch a bit more with the pricing, we fell within his budget and I got a ring I wanted. Hopefully I still love it whenever it is he asks me to propose.
But also, at the end of the day, we are a partnership. Money that he spends on a ring doesn’t go to other places that would benefit our general health more, like a remodeled kitchen or master bath, or even our wedding. Also, we like to travel and hike, and and I am generally quite good at losing/destroying things, so while I don’t plan on having anything happen to my ring, I’d rather wear something that won’t be the equivalent of totaling a car.
My bf of 9 years lives in my house and he still didn’t give me a ring. He bought a ring in November and it is now August. Right around that time he came up with a financial plan for us to put money into a joint account and we would split all the bills, paying his credit cards off, motorcycles off and all the house bills. I said no thanks. I own my home and have less debt than he does. The ring cost $400.00 from Nexus Diamond. I saw the receipt laying around. The ring sits in a box in the closet. He was making $40,000.00 a year and is now making over $100,000.00. In the 9 years I have been with him, he bought me 1 piece of jewelry from Zales for $450.00. The rest has all been junk jewelry. He has 2 new Harleys though! Also I am a yellow gold person but he likes sterling silver and white gold. And yes, that is exactly what he bought. What he likes. I just don’t know how to take any of it.
Ally, you should’ve left him 8 years ago. You don’t need a man like this…you will do better without him!
1st of all NO ONE SHOULD EVER GET MARRIED before AGE 50, it does not make any financial sense. 50% of all people who get married end up in Divorce, 90% of all Divorces end up with the man PAYING MORE THAN 48% OF HIS SALARY IN CHILD SUPPORT AND ALIMONY.
Some states like CA, can have you paying Alimony for LIFE and Alimony I most cases is 40-50% of the child support and alimony.
Think about it, cut your salary in half, the court does not care how you are going to live….YOU WILL PAY PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!
Tell the lady you will buy a house with her but don’t get married until after age 50, marriages that occur after age 50 have a 90% success rate, so now the odds are in your favor.
Tell her you are against marriage or you don’t believe in it but if you are together long enough then you would be willing to consider it.
My GF was all hot and heavy for getting married and I said no way, we can buy a house together and split everything 50/50.
As far as buying a Ring, I said we can either spend the money on remolding the kitchen or your ring and she gets to choose her ring.
850 for ring, 15k on the kitchen….well 7k each!
You guys need to treat this marriage thing like a business arrangement, that is the way the court will do it and if you go into a divorce you can bet your bottom dollar that she will to, no matter how sweet and sexy they seem now. When a Lawyer gets them in a room you are done for.
SMH!
It’s not true that 90% of divorces end with a man paying almost half of his income in alimony and child support. That’s just not a fact. At all. And child support and alimony are very, very different things. If you were still married, you would spend part of your income on your child….if you divorce and don’t have custody, that’s where child support comes in. You’re just supporting your child financially, as you should. I respect your argument about alimony…just don’t lump it in with child support…the IRS is VERY specific about those being treated separately, as they should be, because they’re extremely different concepts.
Not exactly. In CA at least you could have say 50-50 custody and one person pays a lot more in child support.
Some people ask for the 50 % custody but sadly don’t come close to putting in 50% of time with their kids.
Also child support is not written in stone. It can change based on one person’s income and people go back to the courts for this all the time.
I love this! Not only do I not need to spend $20k on an engagement ring, (that seemed excessive,) it looks like I’m fine just picking one up from a crackerjacks box since I don’t own a car either. Reading the 1/10th rule though, I should probably go ahead and spend $700 on the ring, since I do own a nice bicycle (well, it was nice 6 years and 25,000 miles ago…)
I am dating a woman for two years and get along with her very well. We compliment each other and make each other better people. However, I learned today that her mom expects her to have a >$70,000 ring, even if I need to take a loan. My gf is against it, but I worry she may not be able to resist her mom. What is worse is her mom is putting pressure for us to marry soon. I am angry and will obviously not buy a ring any where near that amount. I drive a 2004 ford Taurus by the way and believe in living in your means. Financially I am doing well, but am certainly not rich. I can’t believe that I am dealing with the bs now. She is not like this at all.
Some women are demanding. The mother-in-law sounds like a narcissist. Although my mother has a ring that’s worth 100k — yes that right, it’s worth one-hundred thousand dollars and she purchased it herself — when she saw the ring my husband got me, even she was well pleased. It’s not worth 100k, but it’s stunning and within a reasonable amount of money — $12,500.
Whom ever wrote this article is an absolute moron. For one, last time I checked, my 67 Z/28 Camaro sitting in my garage is worth about 20x what it was brand new back in 1967 (so much for depreciation there). Then there is the fact that most people spread the cost of a vehicle over a 5yr period (Finance, I’m sure it’s something the writer has heard of) where as most engagement ring purchases are paid in full up front.
The way I look at it is pay what you can afford how you feel comfortable affording it and even if it’s $1k (or even under that), if she’s not happy with it, then she’s probably not worth it anyways. Now this is not to say that someone who makes say $100k a year should buy a $1k ring, just buy what you can afford and what you feel she is worth.
Let me know how it goes buying her a $1,000 engagement ring while driving a $50,000+ car. I think it’ll be a cool experiment! Cheers
It won’t go over well, I can promise you. I’m sitting here with my big anniversary rock; however, before I had it, I had to endure my husband splurging on all kinds of nonsense. When I brought that up to him, he realized he was wrong and very selfish. Even he had a change of heart and purchased an anniversary ring that most women only dream about.
After going through the article and all comments I must say that I find the author to be amateurish in several ways. Here’s my elaborated viewpoint –
1- Car/Ring analogy – The fundamental concept is deeply flawed and nonsensical. Cars are the necessities of our life used mostly for our work commute. As overwhelming majority of commentrators have already stated – There is absolutely no relation between vehicle cost and ring cost simply as various vehicles that are owned by people are utility vehicle.
2- Income relation? – I know proper millionaires who live in lofty houses but own basic family cars and I also know people on measly salary who have bought expensive cars through financing. Simply put – Even when they aren’t in work/utility category there is no corelation between disposable income and car price as people have different needs and desires. Again. it show absolute lack of human understanding.
3- Gender roles – The article was probably written in 1920 or something like that as it clings to an bygone era. It would be a much better article if author was rational and realistic about our society. It could have talked about discussing the ring cost, financial goals and that groom and bride should go to store together to chose the perfect ring but alas…..
4- Inability to take criticism – What genuinely surprised me was the authors hostile attitude towards most posters. You made a mistake then own up to it and be courteous and sincere to the posters. That will show maturity and willingness to learn from mistakes to become better but unfortunately the author is being very hostile to posters posting stuff like ‘Sorry you don’t have much money. But with the way you write it’s obvious why. Nobody’s fault but your own boy! Now get back to work in hauling crap for a living’…. WOW!
This is sincere advice from a concerned reader. Learn from it or you WILL lose all traffic to your site. Best Regards.
I agree with Daniel completely. The author’s hostility and inability to take criticism or remain open to other points is bothersome. The premise of the article was an interesting take but I wont bother reading any more from this wall street “retiree” after 13 long years (ie flunked out in 2008-2009, now makes his living selling ad space on an obscure blog) who stands by and tries to force a senseless rule down his reader’s throats and insults them when their particular situation doesn’t match his one-size-fits-all nonsense. Particularly bothersome was the fact that Warren Buffet here couldn’t come to terms with one of the earlier commentor’s note (the crap hauler) that some vehicles are a BUSINESS EXPENSE. And since you seem to like the term cash flow so much I’m curious to hear your “solution” for the average joe who is single and spends 1/10th on a 3k dollar hooptie (median individual income is less than 30k) who is hit with his first couple 2k+ repair costs. Put it on a high interest credit card?
Come on man, I flunked out in 2012, not at the bottom of the recession! I actually started this site in 2009 though.
https://www.financialsamurai.com/taking-a-leap-of-faith-retiring-on-own-terms/#sthash.QyN5edpA.dpbs
Check out my about page too. https://www.financialsamurai.com/about/
This engagement ring article is for fun. Don’t get bent out of shape by it and enjoy!
Right on, Financial Samurai!
I found the article very helpful to form some way to gauge what my partner and I should aim for value-wise in this awkwardly subjective situation. He and I want to be reasonable and fair.
Her rules, imo, offer some perspective and suggest a responsible take on what to spend in relation to income — I don’t think anyone should take any online advice as hard set rules that must be followed — she’s just giving you a scale to Consider.
I got a bone to pick with all these nay-saying selfish money hoarding male critics here, tho. First, I completely advocate everyone spending Anything within reason. Second, most men don’t buy utility vehicles out of necessity (very few do, like my partner). Third, it’s just an analogy comparing the expense of a ring to another big ticket purchase most guys really care about and are willing to invest/fork up cash for!!!
Although Im a feminist, the expense of a ring should still hold true. Honest to god, having a lifelong partner enhances one’s quality of life in all areas – at least that’s why I bother partnering up lol. What does that improvement mean to you? If you short change your partner that’s just a reflection of you. Case in point, my dad upgraded my Mom’s ring and it still was under 1ct. Do I think that’s fair – hell no!! She covered all the groceries, utilities, half the mortgage, all 3 of her kids’ tuition (at a well known private school to biit) and Then some …. .. . She’s been devoted to him and a down right saint while he splurged on cars, shoes and other non-essential items.
When my Mom defends my dad’s reason for her diamond [due to him not being able to afford more] I just look at her so sadly. He knew she desperately needed to stay with his lame ass because of cultural/social norms and so he reduced her value as a partner to not even a carat. He’s attempted cheating in different respects and got away with it bc she couldn’t find herself alone, or picture herself as a divorcé or raise her kids with that dybamic or see herself meeting anyone else. She takes her vows seriously till the day she dies.
In my case, I’m glad I came across this article. I won’t expect the 1/10 rule from my partner because I think the size would look gaudy on my tiny, skinny fingers (lucky for him) and I’d rather we save for our house and future savings (I’m ridiculously frugal on daily living expenses)….. but it’s nice to know I’m not asking for too much also.
So, thank you Financial Samurai :) keep it up!
Glad you enjoyed the article, and thanks for your perspective. I particularly appreciate it from your perspective and sharing your parent’s situation. You’ve totally got the gist of the underlying meaning of the article.
While there are many reasons for one to get on you about your blog and political comments, this post is riddled with humor that I can appreciate and laugh at. When it comes to engagement rings, women (or the receiver of an engagement ring) get a little silly.
To me – given that my wedding rings are the ONLY piece of jewelry that I wear (and plan on wearing until I die – 40-50 years after my marriage), it was worth the money and well above the 1/10th rule of thumb. We didn’t sacrifice a down payment on a home for it, we did it over time (upgraded after 5 years) and it will outlast any car that I will purchase over my lifetime. Most importantly, he paid cash for it (don’t get me started on financed weddings and rings – ugh!!!).
If this posts hits a nerve, that’s a good thing. Getting us to think about our money and what we spend it on will get us closer to those milestones that you speak of. Your rules are recommendations, not laws.
Gentlemen, When it comes to articles or studies or messages, I was taught that one needs to keep in mind the source of the information as well as the motivation behind the message. Just because something is in black-and-white does not mean it is true. For example was the author of the article an employee or friend of the diamond association? It appears this article was written to start rumors/conversations in regards to what constitutes the appropriate amount to spend on a diamond.
We all know that most people with expensive cars have spent more than they should on those cars. Can you imagine those same people purchasing diamonds well beyond their means? That is a recipe for disaster. It’s no wonder that a lot of people have financial difficulties and are on the precipice of bankruptcy.
Just use your common sense and purchase what feels right for you and your loved one. It matters only to you and her. Try not to buy into the sales pitch and the idea that you need to keep up with the neighbors.
Skepticism is good Carlton! After all, you can’t trust everything you read on the internet.
That would be sweet if I was able to earn money b/c I’m from the diamond association, but I’m not. I’m just a personal finance blogger who loves to write about money, relationships, retirement, and so forth. Check out my About page. I’m an ex-Wall Streeter.
Kelly,
How about forgetting about the engagement ring and just going in together on twin wedding rings. It is interesting that women get very traditional during courtship but then speak out against sexism in other arenas. The divorce rate is high and men get screwed financially. If I was getting married and she wanted a 5000 dollar ring I would say, “Ok but I need a committment from you first. That ring is worth about 10 years of committment. If you absolutley have to have it then we will set aside a certain amount each year for 10 years and then it is yours. However, I need the committment first. Women would not like that but it would be more fair.
OMG Tron! Back away from the computer and get a life, you TROLL!!!
Interesting article. I am going to buy one of these What do you think?
Women only want equality when it comes to MAKING money. They switch to the traditional roles when it comes to SPENDING money. Courtship is where women play the traditional role because they have ENTITLMENTS under those rules (e.g. free drinks, free dinners, free ring…etc). The cost of the rings should be shared like the house work, child care etc.
Lets run your 1/10 rule in reverse. Even basic new cars start at 17 to 20 thousand dollars. So according to you, in order to buy one of these basic cars, I should be making at least 170 thousand per year. If people followed that logic, car companies would be out of business. Just out of curiosity, what you drive?
I drove a 14 year old Land rover Discovery II for 10 years that was worth at most $8,000 when I bought it in 2005 b/c that is what I paid. I recently traded him in for a 2015 Honda Fit. I’m leasing the Fit for less than 1% of my monthly cash flow, and the fit is within my 1/10th rule for car buying too.
You can read about it here: https://www.financialsamurai.com/deciding-on-leasing-or-purchasing-a-new-car/
Kelly,
What ever happened to “equality.” I thought women wanted to be equal partners with men and they did until they realized that they would have to give up a few entitlements that they enjoyed when men and women behaved more traditionally under sex roles.
I do not think women are necessarily entitled to a ring anymore. I think (if both people feel that rings are necessary) that both people can go in on an inexpensive pair of rings as a symbol of their love. This way they can save the money for a down payment on a house or something. Marriages do not last long anymore so it is not fair that the MAN make such an inevestment when the woman does not have to. Also, she will most likely get the kids most of the time in divorce so he will end up paying her tax free money (child support) that she is not accountable for. Women also want the big wedding which makes no sense (unless someone else is footing the bill). The majority of the couples time and money should be spent on working on the marriage instead of the ring and the wedding.
I think all “rules” are stupid. Marriage should be an equal partnership.
I think
Wow. You don’t have a romantic bone in your body!
God help it if a man should have to be financially respocible for the children he creates
Theres so many factors at play with this that a single rule wouldn’t do it justice. Of course people earn more on the west coast than where I live, the midwest. It also depends on how soon you marry. If the couple is in their early 20’s, i wouldn’t expect much more than $1000 to be spent on a ring. But mid 30’s, you should be more financially set and looking in the $10,000 range. I however, have a great rule that you should follow: Buy a bigger ring than her friends have. Lets be honest, she only cares about flaunting it around and making her friends jealous anyway.
I think we should be spending more on the band instead of the diamond. Diamonds are worthless; they depreciate and are hard to resell. A gold band is literally worth its weight in gold. Just try explaining that to your fiance, hehe..
Ok so according to this article, you are supposed to spend 1/10th of what you spent on a vehicle. I’ve spent $600 on a vehicle and $12,000 on a vehicle. Add them up and you get $12,600. So 1/10th of that is $1,260. So are you saying I’m supposed to spend $1,260 on a ring? My vehicles aren’t Mercedes, or BMW, or Hummers or anything like that. They are simple vehicles to get me from point A to point B. I don’t have a love for vehicles like some guys do. As long as it runs and gets me to where I need to go, I’m fine. Does this make me cheap? Am I supposed to spend more? And why is everybody worried about how much you spend and how on earth does it relate to the type of love you show for a woman? This is ridiculous in my opinion. Your love shouldn’t be dependent on the jewelery you buy her. I think its all about commercialism and how its warped their fragile little minds. (Goes along with the whole Valentines Day thing)
Nope, worse. He’s saying you should spend $12,600 on a ring. LOL. This site is garbage.