“I’m Rich, Bitch!” And Other Annoying Things Rich People Say And Do

Car Taking Two Parking Spots

I can take two spots because I’m rich

I took my beloved Moose to the local sports store to get one of those foam rollers for my legs and back. If you haven’t tried a foam roller, you don’t know what you’re missing! Anyway, for some reason, the free parking lot was packed and a number of us had to sit idle in order to wait for a space to open up.

When I finally parked Moose, I noticed something annoying. A $125,000 Fisker KARMA electric car was hogging up two spaces! A 45 year old man came out of the car, blissfully ignoring the rest of us as he headed towards the elevator.

You can could tell he didn’t give a poop he took up two spaces with his overpriced car. I wonder if he would start giving a crap if he returned to a six foot long key mark? It seriously would not surprise me if this guy got carjacked one day. Hmmm, so that’s how class warfare starts!


The Pros and Cons of Online Dating: What If She’s A Man, Baby?

Santorini DonkeyMy buddy, Craig has disappeared.  We used to keep in touch a couple times a week and play some tennis, but not anymore.  After a match at the club yesterday, I saw him walk by with some girl to the hot tub.  Interesting, I thought to myself.  So he’s got a new flame!

After my match, I curiously hopped on back like any good nosy friend would to see what was up.  Unfortunately, she was already gone.  Drats!  But there he was, with a big smile on his face, sipping some sangria he brought from home.  “Wassssssup?” I asked Craig.

“Yo, Sam!  Good seeing you man.  Not much.  I was just on a 3 hour date with a girl I met online!  We chilled in the back, watched the Blue Angels, and enjoyed the bubbles.”, Craig explained.

“Oh really?  Tell me more about this online dating stuff!” I inquired curiously.

Craig proceeded to tell me how he had recently signed up for this free online dating site called OKCupid, and how he was getting all these dates.  “Two a week, at least!”, he mentioned.  “There are so many women online, it’s ridiculous!  I feel like a rockstar!”

After an hour of conversation and some further research on my own (6 months undercover), I’ve come up with Sam’s guide to understanding online dating.


How The Rich And Powerful Become More Rich And Powerful

MC Hammer And Mark PincusBy San Francisco standards, I’m just another regular fella who loves to travel and write from everywhere in the world.  Even though there are supposedly half a billion blogs out there, I actually don’t know many people in the off-line world who have a blog let alone make any money from their online endeavors.  So perhaps I’m not so average.

My friend invited me to a party to support our city’s mayor, Ed Lee.  The cost was $500 per person, which is the limit for political contributions per person, per event.  Usually, I would just pass because of my disdain for politicians in general.  However, Ed Lee was the incumbent, and was willing to provide tax breaks for firms like Twitter and Zynga to stay in San Francisco, and therefore keep jobs in San Francisco.

I deliberated for a while and decided, what the hell.  My friend was college classmates with the host, who so happened to be named Marissa Mayer, 37, the first female engineer at Google, and now the CEO of Yahoo.


You Will Always Be Viewed As Arrogant If You Have More

Arrogant FistAbout five years ago, I played league tennis for a “private” club.  The league included three other private clubs and four public teams who played out of the various parks.  I put the word “private” in quotations because anybody can join.  If you are under 30, your $500 initiation fee is waved.  Meanwhile, you didn’t need letters of recommendations from existing members to vouch for you.  If you are willing to pay $150 a month you were in!

Folks who love tennis and make more than $35,000+ a year will likely find $150 a month to be a palatable expense.  Tennis is a way of life for many.  The club has 10+ courts, a gym, a pool, and a hot tub.  Being part of the tennis club was really no big deal, especially since plenty of people blow much more than $150 a month on a car payment, food, entertainment or alcohol!  It’s all about your individual priorities.

We hosted a public team at our club one sunny Saturday afternoon.  One of the opposing team’s spectators was a heckler who insulted our player’s outfits and told the women in the stands to shut up.

Nice vest you got there,” and “Stop yapping away,” were repetitive phrases the heckler would blurt out during and between points.  He was annoying as hell.

During one particular point, my team called a close ball out.  The opposing team started screaming, “No way!” and of course, the heckler joined in the fray.

You guys are a bunch of liars!” he said.

One opponent then added, “Can’t you just be honest?  I thought this was a respectful establishment?

The jabs and insults kept coming like the wild screams of chickens evading a butcher.


Does The Average Net Worth Of Your Peers Equal Your Own?

Occupy ProtesterHave you ever wondered what the average net worth is of your peers? It’s probably impossible to know for sure unless they show you a spreadsheet and tell you. However, it’s possible to make an estimate based on their income, age, real assets, and spending habits. People always say that you’re the average of your five peers, so it might be good to do some calculations to see if the theory holds true.

I’ve put together a list of five friends and five acquaintances. Their respective net worths are rough estimates based on what I know about their visible assets and how long they’ve worked.

See how they compare to the median 2007 net worth of all US households at around $109,000 based on a Federal Reserve survey.


* Nancy. Age: 40. Job: Investment banker.  House value: $3 million.  Equity: $1.5 million.  Income: $800,000.  Savings: $800,000.  Two cars: $60,000.  Other assets: $1 million. Estimated net worth: $3.5 million. Nancy is a friend I’ve known for 10 years.  She has three kids in private school and therefore has a high operating nut.

* Lyndon. Age: 34. Job: Strategy consultant. House value: rents  Savings: $400,000.  Assets: $600,000.  Income: $300,000.  Estimated net worth: $1,000,000. Lyndon is a buddy I’ve known since New York City in 1999.  He wants to leave his job and be a photographer.

* Greg. Age 34. Job: Unemployed.  House value: $1 million. Equity: $400,000. Savings: $1 million. Estimated net worth: $1.4 million. Greg is taking time off after cashing out from his tech firm.

* Linda. Age 32. Job: Sales manager. Income: $120,000. Rents. Savings: $230,000. Small Business: $200,000. Estimated net worth $430,000. Linda is a fellow San Franciscan who is looking to do something new before age 35.

* Peter. Age 33. Job: Construction engineer. House value: $250,000. Equity: -$100,000. Savings: $150,000. Estimated net worth: $100,000. Peter is my tennis buddy who enjoys dating online.

After adding up all five net worth figures and dividing by 5, I get: $1,286,000.  

How To Do It Right Like Robert Mailer Anderson, SFJazz Trustee

Robert Mailer Anderson and President ObamaAt 6′ 4″, Robert gets to look down at the service box before launching his rockets.  Unsure what to do, I stand a couple feet back from the baseline and await my fate.  As the tennis ball blasts towards me, I close my eyes and just swing, baby swing.  By the time I do, Robert is already at the net waiting to put my shit away.

I first met Robert a little over a year ago by a mutual friend who also loves tennis.  We’ve played multiple times since and it’s always been a blast.  As is customary in any first time meeting, I got around to asking him what he does.  “I’m a writer, or at least try to be when I’m not too busy looking after the kids!“, Robert responded humbly.  He went on to say that he’s working on the occasional screen play, but struggles to find the time.

“A starving writer just like me,” I remember thinking to myself.  “Maybe our buddy can help pull some strings for you in the industry?” I suggested turning toward our mutual friend we love.  They both smiled and shrugged it off.

Each time we met, I wondered how Robert’s writing was coming along, but never asked.  Leave the man alone to do his work, I told myself.


Is The Top 1% Better Than The 99% At Raising A Family?

Thomas Jefferson's MonticelloI stumbled across a very crafty Twitter feed called “GS Elevator Gossip” @GSElevator the other day.  The idea behind the Twitter feed is to share with the public random elevator gossip from one of the most hallowed, and vilified investment banks in the world.  Given the average compensation for Goldman Sachs employees runs around $300,000-$500,000 a year, it’s safe to say that Goldman Sachs has its fair share of 1 percenters.

Some of the Tweets are quite witty.  And others are downright offensive.  The key to all good snark is to be witty, a little offensive, and contain a good dose of truth.  One of the Tweets that piqued my interest is this one:

“I’m in the top 1% because I want the best for my family. What does that say about the 99%?”

ZING!  Let’s discuss the merits of this statement, shall we?  I’m assuming that most parents in the 99% won’t be in agreement with the statement.  We’ll also touch upon why the 99% is better than the top 1% as well.


Shit Is Fucked Up And Bullshit

If there’s one thing we can appreciate from the Occupy Movement, it’s a fantastic slogan that emerged saying, “Shit Is Fucked Up And Bullshit!”  There’s something about this slogan that resonates with me, and perhaps with many of you.  I’ve found myself saying this in my head a lot recently.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever ranted on my site.  Rather, I’ve tried to channel my frustration into posts which tell stories that prove points.  In this post, I thought it would be helpful to highlight some fucked up bullshit things that are going on which need to be addressed and fixed.


Government Power Abuse

* How can a man, sitting in Congress, pass a law that restricts women from doing what they want with their bodies?

* Why can’t gay couples have the same rights as heterosexual couples?

* How could we let Congress profit from insider trading for so long, yet lock common citizens up for doing the same thing?

* Why does the USA police the world?  America doesn’t let other countries dictate how we govern.

* Who gave us the right to impose our will on others and kill innocent people during war?

* If government wants to raise our taxes, why don’t they also show their support by freezing or cutting their wages and pensions?

* Why is there an income threshold that dictates who can contribute to an IRA or ROTH IRA?  Don’t we all deserve to save for retirement?

* Why is the maximum 401K contribution capped at $18,000 for 2015, when pensions are no more, and people need to save more to not have to rely on the government to control our lives when we’re too old?

Taxation Discrimination

Workplace Bullies, Comebacks & Fighting Back

Tough PuppyBullying at work is as common as bullying in school. It’s just the type of bullying that is different. Seldom are there any more fistfights and beat downs. Rather, work place bullying is much more subtle, with more deleterious effects.

I met up with a good friend of mine for lunch the other day and we got to talking about how she always was made fun of by her immediate superior. Theresa is a wonderfully intelligent woman, who has gotten promoted every couple of years for the past six years.  Her official title is “Senior Manager”. Despite being in her mid 30s, she could pass for 23 years old because of her smooth face and 5 foot 1 inch small frame.

Her boss, Steve, on the other hand is about 6 feet 2 inches tall and an obnoxious ex-fraternity boy. For some reason, I continue to find that taller people really enjoy looking down on shorter people. They like to make their presence felt and take advantage of shorter people. I’ve met Steve several times before and he’s a nice guy who likes to joke around a lot. I don’t think he means intentional harm to anybody, but if he’s making one of his subordinates feel uncomfortable, that’s unacceptable and must stop.


Why Single Men Love Growing Old

Donkeys In LoveWhen I was younger I got my heart broken by an older woman. It took about two months to muster up the courage to ask her out and when I did, all she responded was, “Sorry, I don’t date sophomores.”

No matter what I said, or what nice things I did for Karen, she was out of my league since I was younger. Karen was a 17 year old junior, and I was an incredibly good looking and intelligent 16 year old. I’m not making this up. This is exactly what my mom told me every time I brought her cupcakes.

The rejection was devastating until a bright light named Stephanie joined my high school as a freshman. Stephanie was Karen’s younger sister and she was hot! In fact, Stephanie was even more beautiful than her older sister, and I just had to pursue.

For one semester, Stephanie and I had a frolicking good time. We hung out after school together almost every single day. She’d come watch my tennis matches and I’d take her to McDonald’s afterward for some hot apple pie and McLovin. Let’s just say that older sister Karen wasn’t very happy with either of us. ‘Til this day, I don’t know why! Ladies, please explain!