When you’re working, one of the most common questions to ask new people you meet is what they do. Before the Global Financial Crisis in 2008, I happily said I worked in banking. A big part of my identity was where I worked for 60+ hours a week.

After leaving finance in 2012, I noticed I gradually lost interest in what people did for a living. Part of the reason was that I didn’t want anybody to ask me what I did for a living. I lost all my status.

During social settings, the last thing I wanted to do was think or talk about money. Therefore, I kept Financial Samurai and my old career mum. I knew others felt the same, so I never delved deeper into their professions, even if they volunteered.

The final reason why I stopped asking people what they did was that I often came away disinterested with their responses. Here in San Francisco, many people work in tech, finance, or law. If you’re not working in a well-paying profession, then you might be working at a startup that could make you rich.

There are some very fine people working in these professions. However, I just wanted to leave this type-A world behind, especially while I was in a social setting that had nothing to do with work. Unfortunately, my lack of interest in what people do cost me a deeper friendship.

Thanks to the global pandemic, the wealth gap is widening. Therefore, if you are doing well, I highly recommend you never tell anyone how much money you make. Instead, practice Stealth Wealth.

If you start telling people how much you make, you’re inevitably going to make people feel bad if they make less than you. And when you make people feel bad about their financial situation, you will no longer get their love and support.

Let me share a story of how I shared how much money I made one year. As a result, I ended up losing a close friendship because he couldn’t contain his jealousy.

The amazing thing is, he makes millions of dollars today as a biotech research analyst at Jeffries. So I hope he’s happy now!

Never Tell How Much Money You Make

Peter and I were golfing buddies for years until one day he started asking me about my compensation.  I refused to tell him for weeks until he mentioned he was in a tough situation, negotiating a package with a potential new employer and sought my advice as someone several years his senior.

As I stood over my ball, ready to attempt a 30 foot birdie putt, Peter chimes up, “Sam, you’d really be doing me a favor by letting me know, so I can go back and counter them in case they are low balling me.” 

Peter then proceeded to tell me what he was making at which point I felt forced to reveal my income because he was so upfront.  When I did, he quieted down, walked to the next hole and smacked his driver down the pipe.

Then He Turned Sour

“280 yards with only a sand wedge in!” I applauded after I missed my putt. “Hmprh“, was the only sound that came out of his mouth as walked further and further away.

As weeks turned into months, I realized he no longer pinged me to play golf.  It also turns out that he never took the new job offer and remains at his company ’til this day. 

Peter turned cold and I later found out that the reason why he never took the new job was because he countered them so high based on what he heard from me that they pulled the offer. 

Peter blames me for not getting the job and not making the money he feels he deserves to make. I have no control over what the potential suitor was willing to pay so why is it my fault?