Financial Samurai

Slicing Through Money's Mysteries

A Lack Of Emotional Intelligence Is Costing You A Fortune

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Recently, I’ve been daydreaming about life before COVID-19. As an extrovert, I generally enjoy plenty of human interaction. However, sometimes, I come across folks who completely lack emotional intelligence.

When I come across such folks, I immediately begin to wonder what happened? Is the lack of emotional intelligence a parental failure? Is it a failure of the school system? Or is a lack of emotional intelligence genetic, no matter how much tutelage one gets? Please tell me if you know the answer!

Let me share three examples of how a lack of emotional intelligence cost these people some money. One example also cost a friendship.



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Dear Minorities, Use Racism As Motivation For Achieving Financial Independence

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When I was a kid, I used to be very combative when it came to fighting racism. Part of the reason had to do with attending international schools in Asia until I was 14.

Kids from all over the world can get pretty nasty towards each other along racial lines, even though you’d think the opposite might happen in a diverse group.

I took up martial arts and learned ways to cripple my opponents in a fight if necessary. It’s just in my personality to stick up for myself and others, even if it means going to the hospital or jail. 

It’s easy to dismiss racism as no big deal if you’re not a minority. You don’t experience the same slights, perceived or otherwise, that frequently come your way. It happens at work, or in the grocery store, or on an airplane, or when you’re standing in line anywhere minding your own business.

Over time you become inured to the insults, but the sting never goes away. It just gets buried. You move on.

Now that I’m an adult who has gone through the system to finally have enough to live life on my own terms, people have stopped pissing me off as much.

I don’t have to kiss someone’s ass to get ahead, nor do I have to sacrifice any shred of dignity to make more money. I’ve really got nothing to complain about, so I don’t.

But when I see bullshit incidences like when a white woman called the cops on a black man after he simply asked her to leash her dog in Central Park or when a white police officer murders a black man by placing his knee on his neck for over five minutes after he cries out multiple times for help, I am outraged!

These types of situations keep happening over and over again. We need to make our voices heard. We need to share our experiences. We need to make people accountable for their actions.

I don’t know what it’s like to be a black man living in America, but I do want to share some perspective on what life is like as an Asian minority living in America. Racism was a big reason why I decided to save so much and aggressively work on my passive income streams.

The desire to have absolute choice and be beholden to no one was and still is a huge motivating factor.

I hope by sharing my experiences with racism others will share their own experiences as well. Ultimately, I hope to encourage those with racist tendencies to realize how much their actions hurt others so they can finally stop.

Every single hateful encounter I experience offline or online is from someone who has something difficult going on with their financial or personal lives. I believe that if more people at least can get their financial lives in order, some of their hate for others will slowly melt away.



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You Will Always Regret Sacrificing Love For Money

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You Will Regret Sacrificing Love For Money Almost All Of The Time

My old boss, let’s call her Lana, who is now my friend, invited me to her house party. It wasn’t her house, but her new boyfriend’s house. I was thrilled for her because, at 54, she had gone most of her post-college life without a steady boyfriend.

She graduated with honors from Columbia University and then received her MBA from Dartmouth. For the next 30 years, she worked 60+ hours a week to climb the ranks at Goldman Sachs, Deutsche Bank, and then Morgan Stanley.

In 2002, at age 37, she made Managing Director and continues to be a big wig on Wall Street today. I wouldn’t be surprised if she regularly clears at least $1.5 million dollars a year.

When I first met Lana, she was the most focused and intense woman I had ever met. Even after going through 50+ interviews with various people on the floor and interviewing with her twice, she still wanted to interview me one last time over coffee. She was meticulous. She also correctly suspected I was a misfit who might not fit the firm’s culture.

Although she grilled me like a wagyu burger, we became friends. I think our Chinese heritage helped us connect.

She would tell me about her ski trips to Whistler or to the Swiss Alps where she randomly met some guy. She always beamed with joy when she’d talk about her encounters. She’d shed her image of a hard-charging Vice President and seem like a school girl falling in love for the first time.

After one trip, I remember her telling me she’d met a Tunisian gentleman, whom I immediately started referring to him as “The Tasmanian,” an ode to the Tasmanian Devil who had swept her off her feet. Unfortunately, that relationship lasted for only six months because it was too hard to maintain a long-distance relationship.

When I caught up with Lana at her new boyfriend’s house party, she told me she was finally incredibly happy. I asked her if she could rewind time back to when we first met in 1999 what would she do differently.

She responded, “I would have absolutely focused as hard on my love life as I did on my career. I was so focused on making Managing Director as a female person of color that I overly sacrificed my personal life. Once I made Managing Director, I felt like I had to work even harder to prove my worth. As you know, the higher you go in finance, the more at risk you are of being cut.“

Lana went on, “I have all the money I will ever need. But for about 20 years, I didn’t have anybody to share it with. It felt pointless working so much. Yes, I was able to spoil my mother by taking her out to the nicest restaurants and bring her on amazing vacations, but it’s different you know? I would be willing to give up all of my wealth just to have found someone like my current boyfriend 20 years ago.”

I told Lana that I empathized with her situation. I, too, was overly focused on my career in my 20s and early 30s. I was so focused on getting promoted that I sacrificed my happiness and health. At least with Lana, she made MD.

Because of my focus on career, I didn’t propose to my girlfriend until 10 years after I met her. I couldn’t propose without feeling like I was on the right career path. And because I proposed so late, we only had our first child in 2017, 19 years after our first meeting.

I went from one extreme of working intense hours for 13 years to another extreme of leaving work behind so young. Having a more balanced work / love life probably would have been better.



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Everything Is Rational – The Answer To All Things Irrational

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Stop Complaining - Everything Is Rational

If you want to reduce your stress, it’s good to adopt the “everything is rational” mantra.

There’s a lot of messed up things in the world such as war, poverty, racism, and corruption. Some things we can try to explain, and some things we can’t. Always step up and fight for what is right and speak out against what is wrong.

However, if you constantly try to fight everything wrong, you will end up stressed and miserable. Pick your battles, such as speaking out against racism. And let other things that bother you, go.

Unless you are a “Karen,” here are some examples that shouldn’t concern you. You can’t change everyone, so don’t try.



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Wedding Spending Rules To Follow If You Don’t Want To End Up Broke And Alone

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Given half of marriages eventually end in a divorce and wedding ceremonies last for at most 12 hours in America, it’s wise to spend as little as possible just in case things don’t work out.

Despite such pure logic, the average cost in America is around $33,000 according to The Knot’s 2020 Wedding Survey. If you live in Manhattan, the average spend is closer to $77,000. In comparison, San Francisco weddings only cost $39,329.

With the median household income in America at around $60,000 according to the US Census Bureau, what is going on with couples who are willing to spend roughly 70% of their annual after-tax income on such ephemeral pleasure?

Here are some random responses I’ve received from couples who have spent $33,000 or more on their weddings:

“I wanted a night we’d never forget.”

“The wedding is more for our family than it is for us. We both have huge extended families that must all be invited.”

“Everything from the venue to the flowers cost so much nowadays. It’s hard to spend less.”

“I already spent $18,000 on a ring. What’s another $50,000 spread among 200 people?”

“I didn’t want to spend $200,000 on the wedding, my wife did. I hate weddings and would rather have just gone to City Hall for a couple hundred bucks. It’s all curated and fake for thirsty Instagram users.”



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The New Rule For Engagement Ring Buying

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new rule for engagement ring buying

To all the ladies in the house, you’re in for a real treat! To all the fellas thinking about proposing, maybe not! It all depends on how materialistic you are in the first place. Even if you are already married ladies, point your hubby to this article and you might just get a ring upgrade!

It’s 2019, so what’s the new rule for engagement ring buying you ask?

Well before we get into the most obvious new engagement buying rule all of society should follow, let’s discuss some of the current ridiculous rules that must be thrown out the window!

Current Engagement Ring Buying Rules

1) The Three Months Gross Salary Rule. This rule stipulates that if a man makes $80,000 a year, he should spend $20,000 on an engagement ring! What kind of nut came up with that idea? There’s really no rhyme or reason why a man should spend 3 months of his gross salary on an engagement ring, let alone 2 months. After taxes, 3 months gross is equivalent to 1/3rd his take home pay.

Imagine if the man makes $400,000 a year. Is he supposed to buy her a $100,000 Harry Winston pink diamond? Ridiculous.

1b) The Three Months Net Salary Rule. Crazy!

1c) The Two Months Gross or Net Salary Rule. Nuts!

1d) The 1 Month Gross or Net Salary Rule. OK, not so bad as it’s under 1/10th a man’s annual gross or net income. Again, here we go with the 1/10th rule for car buying, which hints at something beautiful.

2) The Age Rule. Another crazy rule is for the man to buy a quality ring whose size is equivalent to the age of the woman. For example, if the man proposes to a 32-year-old woman, he should buy a 3.2 carat diamond engagement ring! Wow! Even if he gets em young at 18, that’s still 1.8 carats!

What if you’re a late bloomer, or are simply into older women? Is a man supposed to buy a 50-year-old vixen a 5.0 carat ring? Forget it! A very rich woman told this rule to me with a straight face at a bar one day. She showed me her 3 carat, E color, VVS1 princess cut diamond as proof. Poor guy.

3) The Hotness Rule. This could be the most dangerous rule for men as it is all or none. Essentially, every man before proposing will say how beautiful his girlfriend is. The problem with showering her with praise such as, “You are the most beautiful woman in the world,” or “Your beauty makes the stars look dim” is that you are setting expectations incredibly high!

Your fiancé will rightly think that if she really is the most beautiful woman in the world, she better get the biggest, most beautiful rock in the world! If I am a 10/10, then you better give me the most luxurious engagement ring among all my girlfriends. Women will pretend to tell you they don’t care what ring you get, but don’t listen, not for one second, unless you want to start sleeping on the coach for no good reason.

The Solution: The Car Rule For Engagement Ring Buying 

Now that you understand what silly rules there are for guys to follow when spending money on an engagement ring, you’ll now realize the absolute beauty of The Car Rule For Engagement Ring Buying. The Car Rule simply states that a man should spend up to, but no more than the initial purchase price of his car!

Most guys like cars. The more obsessed he is about cars, the bigger and better your potential ring. We all realize that buying a car hurts our finances because it’s a depreciating asset. Yet, guys still overspend anyway, and in a big way.

If a guy making $80,000 a year is dumb enough to buy a $50,000 Cadillac Escalade (78% of his net after tax income) you should most definitely demand he spend $50,000 on a 2 carat, Tiffany Novo ring that is an E color with VVS1 clarity! Blow up his finances with glee!

Conversely, if your man is fortunate enough to make $300,000 a year, but drives a 10 year old Honda Civic he bought for $3,000 8 years ago, then all you can really hope for is that he buys you a nice 0.25 carat, H color, VS2 ring from a generic store.

Unless you live in New York City, Boston, or Los Angeles where the average carat size is 1.8-2.0, the national average carat size is around 1 carat, so stop being greedy!

Finally, if the man so happens to be the biggest nature lover on earth and takes the bus and rides his bike, well, you’re out of luck! There is no way you can demand anything more than a Push Pop ring!

Be Practical With Your Engagement Ring Purchase

Cars are to men what engagement rings and are to women. If your man can’t spend as much money for a ring as he does on his car, you’ve got a problem. He is being completely self-centered and selfish if he hints to you that spending money on a nice engagement ring is a waste of money. This is especially true if he’s sporting anything MORE than a $20,000 Honda Civic in his garage!

If a man follows the 1/10th rule for car buying, he’ll never be stuck in this engagement buying predicament. Of course, the woman can be incredibly gracious and tell him only love matters. But we all know you’re just being nice!

Top 20 Most Popular Engagement Rings

Top 20 engagement rings

Curious what the most popular engagement ring designs are right now? Check out the latest top 20 most popular engagement rings. There are so many beautiful choices nowadays with that wow factor you’re looking for.

It’s hard to go horribly wrong with a classic solitaire of course. But, it’s definitely worth looking at the top 20 engagement ring designs if you want to find an impressive ring that will bring tears of joy to your finances eyes, make her proud to wear it every single day, and make a long lasting impression. After all, you know the first thing everyone (at least your female friends) will say when they find out you’re engaged is, “Congrats! Show me the ring!!”

If you want to add your own personal touches to one of the most popular engagement ring designs or get a custom ring , it’s easier than ever to do so now. Blue Nile, the first and largest on-line diamond retailer, has a Build Your Own Ring feature that lets you choose from over 300 settings.

Filter by price, metal, metal karat, band width, designer, material and more. Once you find a setting, select a diamond using convenient filters for price, carat, cut, clarity, color and much more.

Being able to browse for engagement rings and compare prices from home or anywhere you have internet access without the pressure of a salesperson staring at you the whole time is super convenient and so much less stressful.

Wealth Building Recommendation

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Thoroughly updated for 2020 to account for the 10-year long bull market we’ve been experiencing.

Regards,

Sam @ Financial Samurai – “Slicing Through Money’s Mysteries”