At the end of 2024, a relative asked me for financial help. She was planning to leave her expensive money management firm at Goldman Sachs Asset Management, where she was being charged close to 1.5% in fees and placed in a series of esoteric GS funds that charged another 1–2%.
I’m not a fan of double-dipping, so I stepped in and offered to help manage her portfolios. She had four accounts total: a taxable brokerage account, two traditional IRAs, and a Roth IRA. Even though my plate was full managing over ten of my own family’s investment accounts, I knew I could help her save, and potentially earn, more money.
With about $2.3 million in assets, she was paying about $30,000 a year in fees alone. By reconstructing her portfolios into low-cost ETFs with an agreed-upon target allocation based on her risk tolerance, spending needs, and goals, I knew I could save her a lot of money.
Ultimately, I decided to manage her $1.2 million taxable account and her IRA with $800,000 for a total of $2 million. She would let Fidelity manage her other IRA and Roth IRA worth about $300,000.
Through this year-long process of trying to help, I was reminded about a big deficiency about myself. And through this discovery, I am grateful and plan on improving. In addition, this article is about the difficulty of wanting to help someone when you’re burned out.
But first, let me share some practical guidance when deciding whether to pay an investment management fee.
The Fees You Pay Relative to Your Income Matter
I’m okay with someone paying a money manager if they don't understand investing, have zero time, or receive incredible value-added services such as estate planning or tax strategy. But I’m not okay with high fees (over 1%) when your income doesn’t support it.
As someone in her late-50s with an unstable $35,000 – $45,000 annual income from part-time, paying more than 100% of her annual income in management fees is outrageous.
Yes, on one hand she is fortunate to have a relatively large investment portfolio. But there must be a reasonable limit to how much someone should pay in fees relative to what they earn.
I’m setting that limit at 10% of income, with the preferred target below 5%. In other words, she should be earning at least $300,000 a year, and preferably $600,000 a year, to justify paying $30,000–$50,000 annually in fees.
The problem is that income often goes down or disappears as you get older, especially if you stepped out of the workforce to raise children. And once you retire, you lose your active income entirely.
Most people earn less in retirement than while working, which is why the urgency to aggressively fund a Roth IRA through regular or backdoor contributions is often misguided.
Sure, fund a Roth during low-income years. But if you’re already in the 24% federal marginal bracket, it’s generally a wash. And if you’re in a higher tax bracket, the Roth is unlikely to be beneficial.
The Financial Results After One Year of Money Management
At 58, with a ~$45,000 income and $100,000 annual spending in an expensive city, we decided on a 60/40 stock/bond allocation for her retirement accounts and a slightly more conservative 55/45 split for her taxable account.
With such a large monthly deficit, I didn’t think it was wise to be more aggressive. She was withdrawing about $5,000 a month to cover her expenses.
Despite the income and expense issues, I didn’t have the heart to force her to downgrade apartments to save $1,000 –$2,000 a month. I wanted to see if I could help her maintain her lifestyle for at least another year, especially since I was positive on the markets. And by saving her $30,000 in fees, I essentially more than offset the rent savings anyway.
When the year 2025 ended, the accounts I managed were up about 12%, exceeding the historical 8.4% average return of a 60/40 portfolio. Meanwhile, her Fidelity-managed accounts closed up about 7.2%.
In other words, I outperformed her advisor by almost 5 percentage points.
Take 5% of $2 million and you get $100,000. Add in the $30,000 she saved in fees and the combined value-add is roughly $130,000 in one year.
With an income of $35,000 – $45,000, I essentially generated 3 – 3.7 years of income for her. When it comes to investing, I also like to calculate how much time is saved or gained with investment returns.
If anyone did this for me for free, I would be extremely grateful. I’d express verbal appreciation, send gifts, treat them to meals, pay for their vacation, something.
After a year, managing the money of someone you know takes a far greater emotional toll than I had anticipated.
No Voluntary Appreciation or Acknowledgment
Unfortunately, the only time my relative reached out was during the April 2025 tariff meltdown, asking what she should do. I was already stressed from losing lots of money across my own accounts, which feels especially painful with a stay-at-home spouse and two young kids depending on me.
The 60/40 portfolio I set up helped her lose about half as much as the S&P 500 when it was tanking in March/April 2025 (-8.6% vs -19%. When it comes to managing money, outperforming by just 1% is considered a big win.
But since she is not knowledgeable about investing, which is why she hired help in the first place, she didn’t appreciate the asset allocation decision and instead focused on the downturn. Afterward, when markets recovered, I reduced her equity exposure to 55/45 so she could feel less afraid and I could feel less pressure.
Throughout the year, I provided occasional updates. Before the November correction, I showed her the accounts were up 12% and outperforming by about 5%. She seemed appreciative.
But when the market corrected about ~6% in November, I casually mentioned during a conversation that I was feeling more stressed than usual because some of my growth stocks were down over 15%.
I thought we'd have a nice conversation about the stock market, my efforts to help her, and seeing the bright side of things. That didn't quite happen.
Indifference About My Own Struggles
Instead of empathizing with my stress and losses, she said:“Why are you stressed? Aren’t you supposed to just invest for the long term and everything will be fine?”
Ah, if turning off emotions when losing lots of money was so easy. I said, “Yes, that’s the philosophy. But I’m still human. Managing money can feel like a full-time job, and I feel pressure to perform for you and for my family.”
Managing $2+ million adds real stress. One mistake could meaningfully affect her lifestyle given she earns relatively little. So I have been carrying this responsibility silently all year. She is, of course, right about being a long-term investor.
After hearing my response, she got a little defensive and explained why she had asked the question. Fair enough, but I was already beaten down emotionally.
My Decision To Cut Ties
I said, “I’d just like some acknowledgment for the work I’ve done. Outperforming by 5% doesn’t happen by accident. It takes diligence, constant monitoring, and experience. I don’t think you realize what it takes.”
Then I added, “If you truly feel no emotion during downturns, that’s actually a great trait for investing. So it might be logical for you to manage your own money in the future.”
She wasn’t pleased, and fired back, “I’ve noticed you seem to need a lot of acknowledgment.” She referenced two unrelated instances where I expressed disappointment when someone close to me didn’t appreciate something I had done. I guess I should have kept my displeasure to myself.
That was the breaking point.
Instead of simply saying “Thank you,” she implied I was needy. That might be true. But that's not something I wanted to hear in the moment.
Wanting acknowledgment for a job well done seems normal. If you outperform at work and your boss never recognizes you, yet only checks in when things go badly, you’d feel terrible.
But to my relative, my desire for acknowledgment made me weak. So I fired myself.
Oh, How Nice It Is to Be Free
I told her, “You’re right. Maybe I need more acknowledgment than most people. I’ll work on intrinsic motivation instead of seeking recognition from others.”
And she agreed.
I thanked her for the opportunity to help, but told her I needed to reduce my mental load. 2025 was a stressful year due to three rental property turnovers, an in-law unit remodel, the launch of Millionaire Milestones, and all the responsibilities that come with being a father.
Eventually, my relative did express appreciation. She said she was lucky to have my help. Later, she even sent me a wonderful piece of art which she hand made. I was thankful.
But by then, we had already agreed I would no longer manage her money. My shared access to her accounts were already removed.
Saying Thank You Once in a While Goes a Long Way
I do feel bad she’ll now pay around $25,000 a year in fees with her brokerage, if she goes that route. Luckily, before we parted ways, I gave her some guidance and adjusted her portfolio to match her current risk tolerance and financial situation.
So she's going to self manage for now and ask me for advice when needed. I'm totally open to sharing my thoughts whenever she wants.
But even if she does hire an institution to manage her money again, she is also the type of person who genuinely benefits from hiring a financial professional. Finance is a completely different world to her.
In retrospect, if she had just said “thank you” and empathized when I was feeling down, I would’ve continued to manage her money for free. But that is now in the past.
Silver Linings And The Things We’ve Learned
Despite everything, I’m glad I went through this experience.
My relative is about $130,000 wealthier as a result. That’s enough to cover six years of wealth management fees if she decides to go that route, or a year of living expenses.
More importantly, we now understand each other better, which ultimately means a better relationship. She wasn’t failing to acknowledge my work out of ungratefulness or entitlement. She simply didn’t realize how much her portfolio had outperformed or the effort I was putting in behind the scenes to help it do so.
As for me, I learned that if I’m going to do something for someone, I should keep them updated along the way. Otherwise, how are they supposed to know what’s being done on their behalf? Everyone is busy with their own lives.
I also learned that I’m too sensitive about feeling invisible. This may be a result of always moving around every 2-4 years as a kid, adapting to a new school while my parents worked full-time jobs for the foreign service. Then again, I purposely don’t seek the spotlight because I value freedom and privacy.
I tend to take things too personally and sometimes quit too soon as a result. This tendency was evident when I negotiated a severance package and left finance for good in 2012 at age 34 partly because I felt I didn’t get the raise and promotion that I deserved. Now that I’m 48, I realize how young 34 really was to walk away. If I could speak to my younger self, I’d tell him to tough it out for another five years.
I saw the same tendency again when I quit a part-time consulting role in early 2024 after just four months. The flexibility was great, and the extra income was nice, especially when I exhausted most of my liquidity buying a house. But I couldn’t handle being told what to do in my own craft any longer. In reality, most people would have kept going. Criticism and occasional micromanagement come with the territory.
Finally, I learned that I will never manage someone else’s money for free again. The mental stress, especially during times of volatility, is too taxing. I feel much worse losing other people‘s money than my own. Money and family often don’t mix, despite our best intentions.
Managing Money Can Be Hard Work
I know that as DIY investors who love investing mostly in index ETFs, many of us don’t want to pay any more in fees than necessary. However, after going through this experience for a year, I can unequivocally say that money managers deserve to be compensated. A lot goes on behind the scenes to help clients lose less money and earn more money in a risk-appropriate way.
Whether the right management fee is 0.1% or 1% is up to prospective clients and the owners of money management businesses to decide. But charging over 1% and then layering additional fund fees on top of that is not something I support.
Personally, I’m happy to provide financial guidance on a fee-only basis. I do so once or twice a month with long-time readers, which is rewarding for both parties. Here's my personal finance consulting page if interested, as I do have a promotion going on through May. But when it comes to constantly managing other people’s money, I’m going to pass.
Helping people growth their wealth is fulfilling. Being responsible for it every day is a different story.
Reader Questions & Suggestions
Why do we not thank the people who help us along the way? How can we raise the issue of feeling underappreciated – at work, with friends, or with loved ones – without damaging the relationship? If you’ve volunteered to manage money for a relative or loved one for free, how did that go?
Each month, I go to the post office to send out signed copies of my USA Today bestseller, Millionaire Milestones. If you're interested in participating in this promotion, you can sign up for a free financial consultation with Empower. Read about my experience and the instructions in this post.
I innately believe people don’t realize or just dont have the habit of showing appreciation.
I work in real estate and I would charge slightly less and give extras to my own family (parents are free but not relatives etc)
They had this conversation with me that I am great at what i do but they feel I am siphoning money of them (yes, that’s the exact term someone told me).After asking questions, the contradictory answer was they are willing to pay someone else who they are not sure will do a great job and pay the full amount because thats not “family” but they want to “help me”. I ask if its about giving that money away and they said25% is such a small number dollar wise and its not about that.
I understand dealing with family is the tricky but real estate is not one time thing and its my chosen profession. you can be selling for weeks and months and end up with no pay. if you told me my commission is only 50% and i have to give portions to my franchiese brokerage because of splits, I will also not be motivated to give my 100%. Imagine showing up to work 1 day and boss tells you this month, you only get 50% pay lol. I know not all realtors are looked up highly but our value lies in when situations get sticky. I have saved one of my clients 75k-100k last year on their 2m home and I am doing fine on my own being top 10% thank you very much.
I hear you, it’s tough. Since everything is rational, it’s good to just stop working with people who don’t appreciate your efforts. You can still love the and be friends, but business and personal can often get messy.
I’ll tell you a funny story. A reader made over $1 million investing in VCX based on my articles. He responded, “I don’t leave reviews for people, but for you, I’ll make an exception.”
I’m so honored get a review for Millionaire Milestones, my USA Today national bestseller. But you would think that after 17 years of writing free content and making the reader over $1 million, they would be glad to support my work.
I write reviews always for everybody I know who has taken the risk to be an entrepreneur or create something from nothing.
Many decades ago my MIL stands in center of living room and says. Your (BIL) says I should ask YOU about OUR money. I took this as a silent hint from my BIL (a doctor & fly fisherman) do not bite the shinney fishing lure. My FIL retired civil engineer and my doctor wife are present. I (a chemist) ask MIL what are your husband’s ideas on the subject of OUR JOINT MONEY. Answer from MIL still standing well my brother (also a civil engineer & farmer who works with my FIL) says sell everything and put money in savings account. I ask what does YOUR HUSBAND say ? Answer leave the money invested and do not lock in loss. I agree and suggest take out living expenses from investments like any other year. This exposes me as a complete fool SPEND FROM SAVINGS. High school graduate MIL leaves the room. My FIL says thanks buddy and we will employ a money adviser to end me getting blamed. Rest of story MIL locked in loss of 50% and market recovered in a couple years. The money was invested with same money advisor SIL employs. My MIL is 98 living with SIL. Yes MIL was not happy with advisor after decades of good service. But Hey all us guys missed the blame bullets.
I am responsible for money and my Wife keeps us healthy. Now 72 & 70 we may need an advisor in the future but Vanguard funds have served us well. Extended family & money are a tricky pair.
“I ask what does YOUR HUSBAND say ?” That is the right move.
Hope you enjoy your wealth!
You may enjoy this post: Are You Smart Enough To Act DUMB Enough To Get Ahead?
Thank you Sam, Yes as you know we enjoy renting condo at Waikoloa Beach May thru October to SCUBA. Keep SMiling.
Sam, I’ve been a follower of your site for years and you have helped me in many ways on multiple subjects. Only after finishing this post did I realize I too owe you some appreciation. Many thanks for all your work here that I also have benefited from for free as well.
I’m very glad that you and your family member were able to split in a mature, amicable way. That could’ve gone much worse. Humans are emotional animals. I’m currently reading “The Let Them Theory” by Mel Robbins and she asserts that most adults have the maturity of 8 year olds. Lol, the book is giving me perspective on a range of adult issues and interactions.
To somewhat answer your question, I have actually been making an effort to send quick thank you texts to friends/coworkers as well as engaging in short friendly exchanges with strangers. I do believe we all as a society do need to acknowledge one another more often and I am choosing the everyday small moments to do so.
The general feeling out there in the world of people not caring about one another is upsetting to me and I believe it to be our duty to one another to show some respect and gratitude to others as much as possible. It takes basically no effort, costs nothing and you will actually find yourself in interesting conversations with people who are very different from you.
I enjoy Mel’s podcast. She’s really blown up over the years. Lots of people looking for some self help.
Great work being proactive in thanking the people who’ve helped you along the way!
for managing accounts of friends and family, I charge a slightly discounted consulting fee billed hourly for time spent monitoring and trading. It seems to work well for both parties. The fee makes me feel appreciated.
A good solution! I feel bad charging my family for anything, but if both sides agree, then why not.
I did everything I could to stay out of my In-Laws investment strategy…even to the point of telling them I am not a financial advisor and they should work with one. After all that, my father-in-law asked me what my allocation strategy was, so I shared it with the caveat that I was in a different position than he was and would likely be more conservative at his age.
So, they made their investment decisions and were doing reasonably well until bear market at the end of 2022. During that period, they were constantly complaining to me and asking if they should sell as if I made their decisions for them.
Fortunately, they didn’t sell (I did respond once to them in a car ride that if they wanted to lock in their losses, it was their money and they could do anything they wanted to). It worked out very well for them in the long term.
But, for months I got all the blame even though I did everything I could not put myself in that position in the first place. And of course, there were never any positive affirmations after the recovery and the excellent ensuing returns. All of the bad and nine of the good!
Personal finance is very personal and I’m not wired to manage the “personal” side of anyone else but my own when it comes to money. I’m happy for you that you got out of the middle of it.
Ugh, that is so annoying to hear. Get blamed for the downside, but never appreciated for the upside.
Tell you a funny story. I got a pickleball friend into the Fundrise Innovation Fund (VCX) two years ago. About $140,000 worth that’s now worth over $600,000. I hosted a poker event at my house yesterday, the day VCX listed.
Did he bring any beer? Nope. Did he say “thank you”? Nope. Absolutely nothing.
Taking people for granted seems to be the default way!
Related: Stay Humble After A Large Investment Win
I don’t get it…don’t most of your effort at the beginning, setting up the right portfolio allocation? After that, just basically ‘talk her off the ledge’ a few times when the market drops, and that’s it. What consistent active-management are you actually doing, especially since most non-IRA trades would require tax-considerations, etc.?
Curious if you have managed a relative’s multi-million investment portfolio yourself and felt the responsibility? If so, you probably have more patience and less emotional volatility than me. And if you didn’t charge anything and didn’t feel acknowledged and you continued, then you are also more generous than me.
I personally was too tired and stressed after a year. So I decided to reduce my responsibilities by one item.
I’d love to hear more about you and your experience. thanks
Sam,
Wow, just wow…. Your last two post just nailed it for me in personal experience…. Thanks…. While my wife’s and my accounts are up 2.5% this year it is not recognized…. and my 20ish daughter’s account that I am still managing is up about the same, the “thanks” is short….
Being up 2.5% in this market is fantastic! Congrats!
Pls tell them how you feel. I suspect they do not realize you feel underappreciated. Don’t want to get to the point where you walk away and then they suddenly appreciate what they no longer have.
Maybe just send them this post! :)
I guess from this experience you’ll be using a financial advisor if you were ie. an executor that had to deal with a complex estate. Just wondering since you have gained greater awareness of your tolerance.
Why don’t you tell her to use Warren Buffet advice . 90% low fee s&p 500 fund and 10% cash or bonds etc and just relax ? It’s so easy nobody needs paid financial advice unless they’re very rich and some millions/ billions don’t make a difference.
This is a refreshing post. I actually work as a money manager lol and do manage my family’s money. Like Sam said, I agree the value add is only a value add dependent on what the person needs and/or presumes, some clients need tax planning + estate planning while they do stock pickings on their own, some clients are just not interested as long as by year end they see there’s a gain they’re happy. This is precisely why I don’t think AI is going to replace my job… for example we all know if we just DCA into the S&P no matter it dips or rises then eventually we’ll end up with a good chunk of money BUT how many of us can withhold our own human emotions? This is an area AI cannot help in hence why I’m confident I’d still have a job lol.
Managing family member’s money is always a double edged sword but I think it’s the same for other non-family member clients. My grandparents have always been risk averse and happy with 3-4% returns so when grandpa reached out and said he wanna buy gold related stocks/ETFs, I said grandpa that’s off limits to you because you can’t handle the volatility even tho gold is the hot topic these days etc. He didn’t like what I had to say but that’s just the way it is, I get stressed out at my job with the exact same feelings Sam mentioned here but since it’s my day job I think I have grown accustomed to it lol ain’t nobody calling you to appreciate you during bull runs, when the bear comes, even just for a short period, oh they be telling me how horrible I am lolol
Yup. This sums it up well. A simple heartfelt thank you really does go a long way.
Glad you decided to offload that responsibility and kudos to you for helping all that time.
Sam,
Been there and done that. Managing money for family is generally an exercise in self-flagellation. Before handing off, I would ensure her next money manager is a fiduciary. I would accept nothing less so you don’t get blamed if something goes awry.
BTW, you did an excellent job. Good return with less volatility. Hallmarks of good management.
Thank you. She is going to DIY for a while and reach out to me with any questions. She is paying a fee-only advisor at the moment on occasion too.
I’ve only helped someone with their finances once–my MIL when her husband died suddenly and she was more than broke. Since I had dug out of my own financial hole many years ago, that is something I felt comfortable doing. Thanks to a good stock market, she has done well, and managing her money is pretty easy at this point. She pays no attention to the stock market, and feels safe and secure, so no stress there either.
Despite this positive experience, I would be very hesitant to do that for someone else. You just never know how someone will react when money is involved. Plus, as you said, management fees have come down.
Sam,
I wholeheartedly agree that managing someone else’s money isn’t easy. Too many things can go wrong, one wrong investment can ruin your potential returns and so on. Never mind the stress you felt.
I used to self-manage, but about 7 or 8 years ago, signed up with an Advisor. Best decision ever. I kept off to the side $300k, for me to play with, buy and sell the latest hot idea. Enough to keep me involved in the Market. My side money is up 10% YTD 2026.
My Advisor charges me .8 %, so less than the 1-1.5% you speak of, but still $20k per year. I feel its well worth it, to have the security of the Advisor/Firm managing the bulk of my assets, therefore I a) don’t worry as much, b) I am able to invest freely with my play pile, and c) get tons of additional advice: When to claim SS (I did at 69 ½ ), general Estate guidance, smarter tax strategies, buying a second home for cash, etc.
Do they beat the market? No. But on downturn days, I don’t drop as much either. Perhaps following a narrower groove. I don’t make as much, but I don’t lose as much either. I made it clear to them that I really have enough money to live how I do, comfortably. No issues. Would I like to hit the next million dollar mark, or course! But I don’t want my accounts to drop down to the next lower million dollar mark either. So perhaps I’m an easy customer for my Advisor; less demanding? It’s clear my money will out last me. I’m 70, have 3m, plus two houses, zero debt.
At 70, peace of mind is priceless. And so is the value of peace of mind at any age actually.
Sounds like you found a great balance. It’s definitely worth people trying to find that ideal balance out for themselves as well.
I know many, many people who have sat overweight in cash for 10 to 20 years out of fear. Even if they paid a Money manager 3% to manage their money, they would have accumulated far more wealth.
Luckily, management fees have come down and there are plenty of free Financial tools to utilize.
Thats the rub. If 0.8% gets you all those other things besides investment management – Estate guidance, tax strategies, purchase home evaluation, etc., then you are fortunate and getting your money’s worth IMO. Some don’t provide that.
I use a firm for my more aggressive holdings only (growth engine), but not interested in paying 0.75% (their assets under management fee) for money in a treasury ladder or short term MM. I guess I could shop around but too lazy maybe. But I do draw the line.
Throwing out numbers, if you have 10M in liquid assets and plan on spending 250k a year, and you have all your money with an advisor at 0.75, that is an additional 75k being drained, then you are actually spending 325k a year. Most people don’t factor “advisor” fee into projected yearly budget spending – yet it is a yearly expense. It isn’t just from gains – if market down 20% that year you will still pay say 65k if based on assets under management.
A 10M Vanguard 60/40 portfolio, with 60 in SPY, VTI, and VEU and the 40 in BND and treasuries will cost you less than 10k per year (expense ratio). And if you are in ETF or funds with a advisor firm you are paying those additional fees on top as well. If it all in Vanguard you could get your fees in the 10k range, same as the “hidden” management fee above and beyond the 0.75% fee. Let that sink it – 65-75k additional every year where you have to ask yourself – for what?
So why do I keep 30% of assets with the firm? Probably a legacy issue and I like to have a growth portfolio, which is more volatile, where I am not tempted to sell on deep market losses. But actually at my age not really an issue as I love to buy on selloffs. I would probably not use it if wasnt for legacy.
First of all huge props for agreeing to take on that role in the first place. You tried, which is more than most people would do. And second, bigger props for recognizing after a trial period that it wasn’t a good fit and you were better off saying thanks but no thanks.
Money and relatives outside the nucleus is one of the worst combinations. I’m managing a relative’s finances and it absolutely sucks. But in my case, if I don’t do it she will literally spend it all to waste or lose it all in scams. So it’s a necessary evil I’m stuck with. At least it won’t be a permanent role for the remainder of my life and will eventually be done.
That’s huge that you saved her so much for one year plus you got all of those gains! You walked away at a great time and should feel guilt free. You helped her for one year, which is a long time to deal with someone else’s money!! And you can never regret having tried. No ragrets! ;)
No ragrets indeed. I tried, I lasted for a year, I educated, and I saved her/made her six figures.
The other thing to know when volunteering to help someone is that eventually, you may not want to do it anymore. Finding an easy way to relieve yourself of your duty can also be tricky.
Nobody likes to stop helping others.
2.3 million held at Goldman Sachs sounds massively false.
It sort of does, doesn’t it? Without going into details, consider a situation where she was brought on as a friend or family member of an existing client.
Besides this point, do you have anything else to add to this conversation?
Have you ever managed someone else’s money before? If so, how did it go and what did you learn about the process? How do you manage your own money?
Sam,
There are three possibilities here as to why there was little recognition for what you’ve done:
1). You’re family. Too many families assume that someone who is a specialist should give their expertise out for free, because family. The stronger version of this is when you get a windfall and find a sea of hands out before you demanding “Gimme some! We’re family!”
2). She is simply one of those people that eternally expects someone else to manage tedious things or clean up their messes for them. If things are magically fixed without them doing anything about it, then it’s just how life is (for them).
3). She lives in NYC and self importance is in the water supply. After all, how else could someone who earns so little expect to be able to live there?
Maybe 1. At the end of the day, I am the finance expert, so it is incumbent on me to help when Help is needed.
But I do want people to learn so they can self manage and do things on their own. It’s the old adage to teach a person how to fish. The money is significant enough, and her income is small enough, where dedicating more time to learning how to manage your own money is vital.
I just wanna help as many people as possible. But if I actually try to do it, I would quickly burn out and go crazy.
Coming from an Chinese-American family, I’ve noticed the culture comes with a lot of entitlements. “Family should help family without any expectation of thanks”. I understand this point of view, but don’t subscribe to this.
This article made me think of times I’ve received help in my life and perhaps didn’t communicate enough thanks. Whenever I’ve helped others, I’ve always appreciated gifts, flowers, cards, etc., but even simple words of appreciation go a long way, and the best part is- they’re free! Thanks for posting this Sam. This has reminded me to be more self-reflective and appreciative of all the people that have helped me along the way.
Yes, perhaps there is a large cultural element involved. Filial piety. If we can help, we must.
Thanks for reading.
Sam, you did a great job. I think there’s a huge risk in managing a relative’s finances. Imagine if there was a downturn and you actually underperformed the market. Then there could be real hostility. So you got out at a good time.
Personally I self-manage my portfolio, but I think Fidelity Basket Portfolios (which include expert models) are a decent option for low-maintenance investors as it costs only $4.99 a month.
Don’t beat yourself up for quitting work too soon. You’ve written about your health issues from work stress in the past.
Yes, like right now. At the end of 2025 I suggested we stay conservative or go more conservative. But she spoke to a financial advisor who wanted to go aggressive. I told her I didn’t think that was wise given her situation and given the three consecutive years of strong double digit returns. But she increased her weighting in equities by 5% anyway. Not an aggressive, but not the direction I would’ve taken.
But yes, if I actually under performed for her, then I would personally feel really terrible. And there might have been a chance of resentment and hostility from her. But if we had gone through my plan, we would have outperformed the S&P 500 year to date because it would’ve been more conservative.
But eventually, I know I would have underperformed her expectations at least, which would make for an awkward situation.
There was simply just too much going on in 2025 for me to continue without any kind of appreciation for the work while managing. Given everything is rational, all is good.