Early retirement sounds great and it is great for the most part. But there are negatives of early retirement life that needs to be discussed. I retired early in 2012, at the age of 34. Then I unretired a year later because early retirement felt unnatural.
Today, I actually want to re-retire by 2023 because I’m so damn tired after the pandemic! I’ve been a stay at home farther of two young children, 2 and 5. Further, I’ve been regularly publishing on Financial Samurai. Finally, I spent over two years writing a new bestselling personal finance book.
You won’t really know what early retirement life feels like until you actually walk away from a steady paycheck. It’s easy to pontificate what you should and shouldn’t do in retirement. Further, you can assume a high proper safe withdrawal rate when you are gainfully employed.
However, I promise you your expectations about retirement and the reality once you no longer have a paycheck will be different. Please don’t be fooled by early retirees who only crow how amazing early retirement life is. Be wary instead.
For all the glamour of living an early retirement lifestyle, there are plenty of negatives I’ve come to discover since I permanently left my job in 2012. I know why we revert back to our baseline state of happiness, no matter how much freedom and money you have.
Negatives Of Early Retirement
Now that I’m a grizzled veteran, here are the six main negatives of early retirement few people like talking about. I like to call myself a fake retiree for the past 10 years because these posts don’t write themselves.
1) You will suffer an identity crisis for an unknown period of time.
When you’ve spent at least a decade working in a profession, you’ll find it incredibly jolting to no longer be identified as the person who is a marketing expert, an investment professional, or the management consultant who can figure out how to optimize a business. It’s only after you leave your job do you truly realize how wound up you were in your profession.
Your identity crisis may last as short as three months or it might last for years. It all depends on how wrapped up you were in your job. It also depends on long you spent getting educated after high school and whether you have a clear plan post-retirement.
Doctors are some of the people who suffer the most after leaving their occupations. Conversely, high school graduates who somehow struck it rich with a product or an invention seem to adjust much easier in post-retirement life.
Job titles can be incredibly addictive. Why else do people get so depressed when passed over for promotion? Why else do people try so hard to get promoted sooner and faster than everybody else? Do not underestimate the importance of being a manager, director, vice president, or even a C-level executive.
After all, the most common question people ask when they first meet each other is: What do you do for a living? And if you tell them you don’t do anything for a living, well then you might just feel like a sheepish loser. You’ll want to try to explain yourself, but by then, your three-second first impression will no longer hold the other person’s attention.
Negatives Of Early Retirement #1: What happened to me
After working in the Asian equities business for 13 years, it felt hollow to no longer have my Executive Director title or be identified with my investment firm. I felt sad that I could no longer go to Asia for conferences or with clients. For so long, taking a business class trip to Hong Kong, India, China or Taiwan was part of my quarterly routine. Shallow as it may sound, it felt special to have priority boarding. I felt important when clients would entrust me to show them around in a foreign land.
For the first year after leaving my job, I wondered how the business was doing without me. Could they really survive without my expertise? After all, I was there for 11 years. Surely, they needed my relationships. But after months went by with no email or phone call from my old firm saying they wanted me back, I had to come to terms that I was no longer important to them.
I wanted to believe that my position meant something to the firm and to the people that I serviced. But at the end of the day, the person I trained to replace me as part of my severance agreement, was good enough. And because he was good enough, I concluded that I was no longer any good.
This ego hit took me a full year to get over.
2) You will be stuck in your head.
When you suddenly have an extra 10 – 14 hours a day of free time, it’s very difficult to optimize your time wisely. Just like how bedrooms naturally get messy, your mind naturally gets lazy the more time you have to do anything.
Your productivity will suffer in retirement. You will no longer feel motivated to achieve great wins. As a result, you may slowly start to get depressed. Only after some really deep soul-searching and some, what the hell am I doing with my life questioning will you begin to organize your time better and become more productive.
Your mind can be very dangerous because it can always second-guess your actions. Did I retire too soon? What if I run out of money? Will people think I’m a loser? What if I can’t ever get back into the workforce if things go wrong? When you have a lot of time to think, your doubts go on and on.
Perhaps one analogy is to compare being stuck in your head with Locked-in syndrome. LIS is a condition in which a patient is aware but cannot move or communicate verbally due to complete paralysis of nearly all voluntary muscles in the body except for vertical eye movements and blinking. This could be one of my worst nightmares. Retiring early may render you inoperable for a while.
Negatives Of Early Retirement #2: What happened to me
Because I left work at the age of 34, I was worried for about the first two years whether or not I had made the right choice. No rational person leaves a well-paying job to be unemployed in their mid-30s. Your late-30s is when you start to finally make good money. And by the time you reach your 40s, you should be at your maximum earnings power.
During my first year of early retirement, to the outside world I proudly proclaimed I was retired from a career in finance. But on the inside, I was second-guessing my decision to leave. Because of my uncertainty, I decided to do some part-time consulting with a financial technology startup for ~20 hours a week. It was a great way to distract my mind from all my fears. I also earned some side income and got to replug myself into society. I also kept in touch with multiple banks until my Series 7 and 63 licenses expired.
Finally, I dived deep into my writing on Financial Samurai. Writing has always been my most cathartic way to deal with any uncertainty or problems I might have. For example, now that I have a son, I’ve been worried about whether our ~$200,000 a year in passive income is enough to support a family of three if he doesn’t win the SF public school lottery system. It’s taken almost 20 years for me to generate this passive income level, and it still doesn’t seem like enough.
Given this worry, I did a deep dive budget analysis for a family earning $300,000 a year. It it sure seems like we need to earn $100,000 more to maintain our lifestyle in San Francisco. Alternatively, we can always move to a lower cost area of the country.
3) People will treat you like a weird misfit.
Whether it’s because retiring early is unconventional or because people are secretly jealous you aren’t grinding away at a day job, people won’t give you the same amount of respect as working class citizens. After all, if they can’t describe what you do for a living, then they can’t pigeonhole you into an archetype that is comfortable for them.
Having a job means you are a productive member of society. If you retire at a young age, people will assume you are simply slacking off and not paying any taxes. They’ll sometimes look at you as a leech they want to flick off.
Further, if you are an outcast, then you won’t be invited to parties or events that other working people always get to attend pre-pandemic. You’re simply not top of mind to them. If you are an extrovert, early retirement will be much more difficult than if you are an introvert.
Negatives Of Early Retirement #3: What happened to me
After the first year of early retirement, I no longer told anybody I retired early. Instead, I told anybody who asked that I was a writer, a tennis teacher, or a fintech consultant. Prior to that, I think a lot of people just assumed I was a trust fund baby who did not have to work. And the last thing this middle-class guy who went to public school wants to be known as is a trust fund baby.
My favorite time of the year was during the winter holidays. I loved going to all the holiday parties and getting tipsy with fellow revelers. Now, I get invited to zero holiday parties because I don’t work for anyone. Nor do I get invited to client holiday parties either.
Even though I have several partners who are based in the SF Bay Area. It may sound silly, but having a drink with good people with shared interests really means a lot to me.
It takes a lot of effort to build new social networks if you aren’t part of a larger organization. There is no weekend BBQ party a colleague is hosting on Labor Day Weekend to attend. I’ve had to participate in various meet-up events in order to find new people to hang out with.
So far, my social network only revolves around tennis and softball. But even then, it’s not like I’ve found buddies who will come over and just chill in the hot tub over a beer or anything.
4) You’ll be disappointed that you aren’t much happier.
So many people think that once they achieve financial freedom or leave a job they dislike, they’ll suddenly be permanently happier. The truth of the matter is, your elevated happiness will only last at most three to six months. Eventually, you’ll revert to your natural state of being.
Think back to your high school or college days when you didn’t have any money compared to now. I’d venture to guess you were just as happy, if not happier when you were a broke college student. I felt rich even though I was poor.
Having the freedom to do what you want is priceless. But you will eventually take your freedom for granted like the air you breathe. On the days you feel angry or sad, you will start questioning what the hell is wrong with you since you’ve got more than the average person. You’ll feel stupid for feeling unhappy when there are literally hundreds of millions of people in the world wondering whether they’ll have enough to eat the next day.
You think, if I can’t be happy when I’m financially independent, surely there must be something seriously wrong with me. And you could be right! Can you imagine being unhappy as a Norwegian? Norway is perpetually ranked as one of the top five happiest countries in the world.
Negatives Of Early Retirement #4: What happened to me
I thought I’d be much happier not having to report to a micromanager boss I did not respect. But my increased happiness was fleeting. It only lasted for about a week before I was back to my regular self. Instead, my happiness was weighed down by months of uncertainty on whether I had made the right move to leave my job. It was only after about two years did my doubt finally start to dissipate.
Although corporate politics no longer piss me off, other things end up filling the void. For example, drivers who decide to double park on a busy street in rush hour traffic really piss me off now. So do dog owners who let their dogs poop in front of my house and don’t pick up after them. In the past, I could only allocate a small amount of annoyance to such incidences.
Instead of being permanently at a happier level, I’m simply no longer as annoyed at things as frequently. Further, the volatility around my steady state of happiness is lower. In other words, I’ve mellowed out. That said, don’t offend me because I still enjoy a really good fight!
Related: If I Could Retire All Over Again, These Are The Things I’d Do Differently
5) You constantly wonder whether this is all there is to life.
Retiring early is like finishing up your favorite longstanding TV show. You’re glad there’s a conclusion, but you’re also sad that it’s over. You hope to find a show that’s as good or better, but there are no guarantees.
Most of us spend 13 years going to grade school so we can spend four years in college in order to get a decent job. Then we spend decades trying to earn and save money in order to provide for our family. Then one day we hope to retire by 65. With good luck, we’ll live for another 20 years to enjoy all the fruits of our labor.
When you retire at a much earlier age, you are constantly left wondering what’s next. A potentially 50-year retirement is a very long time! You are mentally twiddling your thumbs waiting for the next big thing while your close friends are all at work. Early retirement can get extremely mundane and boring because you have nobody to spend time with.
As a result, you’re repeatedly forced to will yourself into action. This constant self-starting attitude can become extremely trying. It may get to the point where you long to rejoin the workforce and be told what to do.
Negatives Of Early Retirement #5: What happened to me
I probably drove my wife nuts during the first two years of early retirement. I constantly told her I was bored. Only boring people get bored right? Wrong. Everybody gets bored at some point. When you’re working, you don’t have time to get bored because you’re working. There’s only so much tennis, golf, and softball I can play before my knees break apart. There are only so many churches to visit in Europe before they all start looking the same.
She used to have vacations from me because I would be away traveling for work every month. Now she was seeing my cherubic face every single day! It’s a good thing we had three bedrooms at the time. Otherwise, I’m pretty sure we’d both have gone crazy from seeing each other so often.
It was only after our son was born in early 2017 that I felt a renewed sense of purpose. Before my boy, I felt my purpose was to help educate as many readers as possible about personal finance.
After my boy was born, my purpose has expanded to keeping Financial Samurai running long enough to teach him about operating an online business. I fear he may have a tough time getting ahead. In addition, I now need to live long enough until he finds someone who loves him as much as I love my wife.
I don’t think I’d be able to die in peace if there’s nobody to replace his mom or me. As a result, I’m exercising more, eating healthier, and meditating longer.
6) You relationship with your significant other might suffer.
As more people retire, I’m noticing an increase in breakups post retirement because there is a mismatch in retirement philosophies. The most obvious one is where one spouse retires first and the other spouse keeps working for years.
Resentment naturally builds up by the working spouse who doesn’t absolutely love his or her job. And nobody loves their job so much that they’d rather work than be free to do whatever.
There is also an interesting anthropological trend where the man retires early and the wife still works. Instead of the man saying he is a stay at home dad taking care of his children, mostly due to ego, he tells everyone he retired early.
Meanwhile, he is frantically behind the scenes trying to make supplemental retirement income. Sadly, they don’t truly have enough money for both to comfortably retire.
To minimize relationship problems, it’s important to have the same philosophies. It’s also important for couples to have enough passive income to cover the couple’s desired living expenses. It would be a shame to let money get in the way of a happy retirement!
Negatives Of Early Retirement #6: What happened to me
When I retired in 2012 at age 34, my wife and I made an agreement when she was 32 that she could retire early before she turned 35 in 2015 as well. We shot for equality. With almost a three year deadline, we created some cash flow and financial goals.
When she finally retired, it was great b/c financial and career objectives were met, and she also negotiated a severance package much better than expected. We traveled together a bunch and it was nice.
However, I did have some resentment for the first couple of years because she was able to sleep in while I couldn’t after 13 years of getting up at 5 am. In other words, I was jealous she was enjoying her initial years of retirement so much! During my first year of early retirement I was always wondering: hmmm did I do the right thing leaving my job so young.
To solve this jealousy and resentment, we agreed that she would spend more time working on the back end work for Financial Samurai. Once we had our son in 2017, there was no more jealous and resentment at all. Being a full-time mom is the hardest job in the world! Now that we have a 10-month old daughter, I’m mostly super grateful for any support she can provide with FS.
Early Retirement Is Great, But It Doesn’t Solve Everything
It might sound like after reading this article that I’m depressed. But I’m not. I’m simply highlighting some of the negatives of early retirement you will probably go through if you decide to leave the workforce early as well. The more extroverted you are and the higher your position, the more you will have difficulties making the early retirement adjustment.
Having the freedom to do what you want cannot be overstated. However, your mind will play games with your spirit during the first few years after leaving work. Some of you won’t be able to handle early retirement life and will go back to work.
Just know that with enough conditioning, you will eventually embrace your freedom. Nobody I know who retired from corporate life early has stayed retired. You will find your purpose. Once you do, you will take steps, such as building passive income, to ensure you remain free forever.
Having Enough Money Is Important For Happiness
Since 2012, I have not spent a single dollar of my investment principle. This is due to the rise in the stock market, real estate market, and the growth of Financial Samurai. With interest rates plummeting in 2020, I strongly recommend everyone build more capital before retiring and lower their safe withdrawal rate in retirement.
With tremendous uncertainty in the pandemic and the need to support two kids, my retirement funds have been tested. But I’m confident everything will turn out fine because I’ve been preparing for when the good times finish.
Hopefully you can appreciate all the negatives of early retirement I’ve shared with you in this post. It is one thing to run the models and pontificate about what early retirement is like when you are still gainfully employed. It’s another thing to actually experience early retirement when you and your partner, if you have one, no longer have steady paychecks.
In the end, I believe the positives of early retirement outweigh the negatives of early retirement by a 3:1 ratio. Therefore, you might as well shoot for early retirement and discover what all the fuss is about for yourself!
Related: The Surprising Benefits Of Early Retirement
Recommendation To Retire Earlier
Sign up for Personal Capital, the web’s #1 free wealth management tool to get a better handle on your finances. In addition to better money oversight, run your investments through their award-winning Investment Checkup tool. It will sow you exactly how much you are paying in fees. I was paying $1,700 a year in fees I had no idea I was paying.
After you link all your accounts, use their Retirement Planning calculator to help forecast your future. The tool pulls your real data to give you a great estimation of your future cash flow. Definitely run your numbers to see how you’re doing.
I’ve been using Personal Capital since 2012 and have seen my net worth skyrocket thanks to better money management.
Earn Income Passive In Retirement
In 2017, I sold a rental property to simplify life. I reinvested $550,000 of the proceeds into real estate crowdfunding to earn income 100% passively.
The global pandemic has accelerated demographic shifts towards lower cost areas of the country due to the work from home trend. It’s good to take advantage.
Check out Fundrise and their eREITs. eREITs give investors a way to diversify their real estate exposure with lower volatility compared to stocks. Income is completely passive and there is much less concentration risk. For most investors, investing in a diversified real estate fund is the best way to go.
If you are bullish on the demographic shift towards lower-cost and less densely populated areas of the country, check out CrowdStreet. CrowdStreet focuses on individual commercial real estate opportunities in 18-hour cities. If you have lots of capital behind, you can build your own diversified real estate portfolio with CrowdStreet.
Both platforms are free to sign up and explore. I’ve personally invested $810,000 in real estate crowdfunding to diversify and earn more passive income.
The Negatives Of Early Retirement is a Financial Samurai original post. I’ve been writing about FIRE since 2009. The journey to financial independence has been full of twists and turns. Make sure you enjoy your journey!
From our youth to adulthood, the caravan club of mainstream culture treats jobs like a chapter that gets us to “the end”- work until you can afford to retire and then life will be a dream (sh-boom). Yet, anyone who actually achieves retirement quickly realizes that financial freedom alone does not create happiness or contentment. Financial freedom just gives us the opportunity to experience life on our terms.
Converting our financial assets to make us richer in life is a skill we rarely cultivate until retirement; many, unfortunately, never do. Relatively few people invest in themselves to learn the skills that can make a difference in their level of happiness.
To me, the most beneficial aspect of early-retirement is being able to slow down. Slowing down can help us reduce stress and enjoy more happiness in life. When we slow down, we feel more comfortable exploring new things and taking risks. Our brains have more downtime to rejuvenate. Our attention is shifted from defending against information overload to proactively making adjustments that improve our wellbeing. I might do less, but I create more.
Your writing continues to be a huge help in sorting through the different angles of retirement- thanks!
Sam,
Thank you for sharing such an insightful thoughts on early retirement. I have been contemplating early retirement because I have reached my financial goals, which is $20,000 cash flows per month from real estates. I still have a day job, that I make over $100k per year. The job is easy, it does have benefits, and it is not stressful at all. I have a larger family, 4 kids, they are still in school (6, 7, 9, and 11 grade). While I think that my financial is secure, I am worry about the aspects that you mentioned here such as next stage of life, the day to day tasks when I retire. My most concern is about the job, because it is easy, I am not challenge myself enough…so should I retire and focus on something that I like to do which is helping investor achieving financial freedom through real estates…
Hi Tom – If you’ve got $240K a year in cash flow from real estate versus $100K per year from your job, I’d definitely consider taking a sabbatical or an extended vacation. That ratio of 2.4X higher semi-passive income to active income is rare, and would have made 90%+ of people leave their jobs already if they don’t like their jobs.
With 4 kids, I think you’ll find you can easily fill up your free time getting more involved with them. Those ages are the time when kids want to hang out with their parents the most.
Related: Overcoming The One More Year Syndrome To Do Something New
Best, Sam
Thank you Sam! I will be working on my next move :)
Hi Tom, I would love to learn from you about investing in real estate.
I am contemplating semi-retirement but am afraid to do so due to not having enough passive income.
Hi Nazir, I would to share my real estates investment. I am in the Orlando area, let me know if you ever come this way. I have a gathering at Starbucks often to talk about real estates investment…meanwhile you can reach met at lntrentalsfl@gmail.com.
Thanks, Tom.
I’ve been following ur posts for a while, and i was about to submit my retirement application today but for some reason did not.
I come from a different part if the world, so our whole retirement and financial system is different. However, I can totally relate to all the emotions, needs, frustrations and hopes.
Im few days before being 39, and have worked hard for 15 yrs. Im a mother of 2 kids, and will get a decent monthly pension, besides we have no mortgage to pay and I shouldn’t worry about healthcare or education since its covered.
I just lost the spark and motivation, and i tried many means to revive it, but i know for sure its dead for any 9-5 job.
I do feel I need a break, my kids r at an age I would like to enjoy their company. I want more time to relax and take care of my female self instead of running around the whole day. Btw, female pampering needs time:) Applying a face mask seems like an additional exhausting task on a working day. My parents are growing older and I wish to have relaxed breakfasts or days out with them. I feel that me staying at home will add a lot to my family’s quality of life, which is something I’m willingly wanting to do.
The only thing that Im not sure about is the next steps, I have several thoughts in my mind, but Im not sure if I’ll have the drive to work on any. I believe that once I detox from corporate life I’ll have the options to decide, but this uncertainty and self-doubt is still in the back of my head. Esp. that early retirement is not the norm. I’m also considering having a baby. A baby to enjoy, not to just consider an additional task or responsibility.
I’m not worried a lot about social networks because we tend to have more inter-connected social networks in our culture. Im also not worried about identity because I’ve never identified myself through my title only, it has always been more related to myself. I just worry that I have always had this drive to success,,, is it dead? Or I’m just done with corporate world and i need to move on? Or I need to divert it to a new route of success, which im not yet sure what will it be.
Keep ur posts going. Its useful to people even from the other side of the world.
The worry in our heads is worse than reality.
Before you submit your “application,” I would formalize an exit strategy that provides a severance. It was my severance and the ability to keep all my deferred stock and cash that was the catalyst to say sayonara to my old firm. You will feel like you are winning when you walk away, versus feeling empty handed.
Something I’ve noticed with my friends that have lifestyle businesses on the Internet is that they’ve achieved a level of freedom that few to none of their local friends possess. It’s less fun to ski 90 days a year if it’s by yourself even if you built a business and a lifestyle intentionally with that in mind.
It’s a real consideration in achieving your own freedom. How will you use it and with whom?
Sam,
If you ever don’t have a buddy to have lunch with or go to happy hour with, I’m sure us Bay area folks would love to have you as a lunch buddy!! :)
I appreciate you sharing this. I wonder if the reason I don’t feel as bad about being partially out of the workforce is because, as a woman, it’s less expected for me to work. Or perhaps it’s because the last few years have been going back to FT work while have 4 babies in 6 years, and I’m just done with the whole 9-5 routine, pumping in airports, and struggling with childcare while we both work crazy hours.
We’ve been through a brutal last few years, but my husband and I kept at it. I now work 20-24 hours/week, but make my equivalent income, plus investment income. I kept my nanny (4 kids, 11 month to 7 years) 4-5 days a week. And – I LOVE the freedom. I love seeing my kids, but being able to leave them to speak on panels (IF I want), manage our house renovation, etc, is refreshing. I couldn’t care less that people think we are wealthy or lucky or just inherited money. If you don’t want wealth and work for it, you’ll never understand anyway. If people think I’m lazy or lucky, I just laugh.
Fantastic observations, FS. Two quotes come to mind…
“I actually think happiness is the absence of suffering. It comes from peace. That comes from being careful about desire, judgment, and reaction.” – Naval Ravikant
“I asked my therapist, ‘what is the best way to feel happy and improve self-esteem’? He replied, ‘finish the things you start.’ I thought that was brilliant, so I came home and noticed on the shelf, a half bottle of scotch…'” – Ron White
Sam, wishing you and all Financial Samurais happiness!
I’ve owned and operated my business for 30 years (I’m 57 now) and about 5 years ago someone asked me if I was retired. I was totally taken aback because the question implied to me that I was getting old and approaching my “senior years”. At that time, I still considered myself relatively young and had a passion for my business and retiring never crossed my mind.
Recently, the local government decided to ban the product I sell. Some friends and family are worried and asked me what I will do but I have no worries. Looking back, there were many events that seemed to fall in place without me having much input, including meeting the right people at the right time. Many other people my age have also experienced these serendipitous life events and we learn to just trust in the process. I’ve also come to realize that after our basic needs our met, happiness really comes from within, not without. It seems the more I appreciate what I have, the more opportunities comes my way. I really enjoy traveling, and I see me next venture having something to do with that.
Great post, Sam! This is something that not many people are talking about and you raise some great points.
I’ve always felt the opposite about the identity crisis part though. I guess since I’ve always been interested in having a small business, I try to relate more to being a small business owner.
I think the rest of your points are spot on. Especially the points about being in your own head and being treated like a misfit. I am more of an introverted person and am in my head a lot anyways. And as for being treated like a misfit, I have already started to notice how regular folks react to financial independence. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Sam
Besides going to meetups on shared interests do you have any other suggestions for a retired 30-year-old individual to meet higher level hustlers/entrepreneurs who actually understand the mindset of early FI? I can’t relate to people at FI meetups as I am already at the end of the road.
Hi Sam,
So good to read your articles again. I just came back from the Balkans. Agree with all points and feel very related. I really hope to see you have a whole new profession. Man supposed to be out of the house. Family, kids are not the reason for staying. Working for schools and kids would also not be considered to be working. They are cute and lovely but not at the intellectual levels to be on par with yours. You will not get enough satisfaction. Action counts. US economy is doing so well I wish I were there.
I retired at 50 and am now 55. Because of Financial Samurai, I never say the “r” word in case someone gets jealous or takes my early retirement in the wrong way like I’m a sloth or something. In my experience, all of the negatives of early retirement in the article are true. I am alone a lot with no spouse or kids. It does get lonely at times. I miss the office camaraderie like joking around with my team or going out to eat together. I’d rather go to a restaurant for lunch with a buddy but people are working when I want to eat these days! So that kinda sucks.
Now my social circle consists of my dogs, friends and extended family.
Thanks, Sam, for making me aware that because I’m an introvert I’m more suited to being retired than an extrovert. That, too, is very true. Would I consider going back to work full time in the corporate world if I great job fell into my lap? No. Although there are negatives to early retirement, I do love being in charge of my own day. No corporate politics, insane pressure, backstabbing colleagues, and impossible deadlines. I lived that life, I used to love that life, and now I’ve left that life — for good.
I can relate to Ropefish. I’m 55 and plan to resign myself from the corporate world in ~ 16 months. I’m an introvert as well and after 33+ years my job as an Executive in Information Technology within the Financial Industry (Investments/Banking) no longer appeals to me as I long to be in charge of my own day as well … and get away from the corporate politics, pressure and yes the impossible deadlines … It has literally worn me down … I’m hoping to make it 16 months as this will allow me to vest 100% in a small pension but there are days that I just want to throw in the towel! So all of the negatives you outlined Sam … appreciate the realism! I’m not ready to retire … just pursue other interests and experiences!
I identify a lot with this post, thanks Sam!
I was a poker pro for 10 years and transitioned fully into investing my profits over the years. Always worked/studied 60+ hours/week and now that my long/short stock portfolio only requires 30 hours a week to maintain, I often wonder what to do with my extra time. I loved video games and strategy games as a kid but 10 years of poker is enough to kill whatever passion I have in this hobby.
Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy the total freedom now but maybe it’s time for the next project. Luckily my wife is also doing invstment research so we both get to work at home. We are planning to live around the world (mainly to low cost of living cities to reduce the withdrawal rate to below 3%), maybe starting a family, or starting a business (hedge fund would be my far-fetched dream…).
Most of my friends and families simply do not identify with this mindset and it does make me feel lonely and like a misfit at times. I guess I take comfort that there are others who are financially free and doing some self-employed work and facing similar struggle as me.
Leo – would you mind sharing what are some of the books, sites or YouTube video where I can develop a more in depth skills and technicals to manage a stock portfolio? I have discovered investment research is my true passion. I am working toward to save up enough that I can leave my day and move to managing my own stock portfolio in the next few years. Thanks.
Since my strategies are “low-tech” quant based, I learned a lot reading what the quant finance academia has to say and try to find billionaire hedge funders that are willing to teach. I learned a lot from Cliff Asness, Ray Dalio, Charlie Munger, Warren Buffett etc.
Avoid paying for educational material since there is so much garbage out there and you would not be able to judge what’s good or not. Avoid charting. Avoid options. Avoid mainstream financial media. Avoid going long in hot industries. Those are likely to lead to a deadend.
The more important thing is actually putting money in and start investing to gain experience (amount that you are comfortable losing). It is important to learn to be humble when you are doing well, and remain confident when you are not doing well.
“Early retirees have higher rate of skin cancer from playing out in the sun all day”
All joking aside, retiring early ages people. Better off finding a career that you don’t hate.
And my wife and I would kill each other if I was home all day.
I think that ultimately financial freedom isn’t about doing nothing or being fully retired. Clearly, we all need work or business in our lives to keep us motivated and happy. As such, FI is much more about a flexible approach to work and life and the ability to structure your day/week/month/year/life as you see fit. Thanks for sharing such an honest account
Agree with GDB. I reached FI in my early 40s but enjoy what I do for a living (one of the reasons I reached FI). Working each day because you WANT to, not because you have to, changes one’s mindset. It makes it easy. I have never been a backer of FIRE. FI yes but RE not so much (but one must define retiring young as I plan to retire in my mid 50s, now 47). I believe in FIRM: Financial Independence, Reap More. I think I am working harder (and smarter) now in my FI days and reaping more rewards both financially, professionally, and personally.
I’ve spent most of my adult life developing toward the goal of not really caring what other people think. Early retirement seems like a great opportunity to perfect that notion. Being forced to care for the two years that I must continue working will be the challenge.
This is great Sam and gives lots of food for thought. I’m still tussling with the decision. I keep turning my spreadsheets over and over and trying to convince myself another two/three years of working is the right decision. It keeps coming back to the fact that I can step away from corporate life now, but my identity as a CFO is strongly rooted. I’m still on the fence. Financially I can make it work but the mental shift is strong.
Hey CFO, I resemble your remarks. I’m also a CFO who is planning to exit in February 2019. I’m currently serving my OMY as I had originally planned to exit this year but I do enjoy my job and my team but one more year of vesting finally convinced me. I also think that my numbers are good. My issue is burnout. My gig entails extensive weekly travel plus I’m 57 so I’ve been at this a long time and my exit would not be considered that early. I’ve been a CFO for 6 years and the thought of going out on top is appealing to me but many of the issues that Sam cites in the post plus the identity issue that you mention concern me. On the plus side I am an introvert. That, plus my age makes me hope that many of the issues posted here hit me easier than someone retiring much earlier. While I do enjoy my job, I think the ongoing stress is what is pushing me over the fence.
Leaving at the top is a smart way to go. It is probably one other reason that I want to hold on a big longer. I’m looking at a gig to move to a 5bn$ market cap company and that may keep me hooked in a little longer. But then again, what if I then get a gig at a 50bn market cap. When do you call it quits, I suppose.
I think your post relates a bit to what I’m going through. I am 29 years old and just left my job voluntarily to drive for Uber. Life is hard as making money from this is not that easy as everyone seems it to be. In fact, the reason I left my job was because my ex-girlfriend asks me to (bad decision there) and I thought I could earn more (doesnt make much difference).
While I appreciate the new-found freedom that I have, you can get lonely at times whereas previously you have working colleagues to spend time with. I try to spend time with a fellow Uber driver at times and my family but you will have to spend most of your time alone. My high school friends are mostly married and are too engrossed in their work/family and have almost no time to see you, except on rare occasions when we do get together.
Then there is the public perception that we are useless to society. I think that is not true as we all are contributing to society in our own ways, even you with this website and how it is helping other people. It has been two months since I left my job and I still haven’t found my true purpose in life. A close friend and my sister has told me to search what it is I’m rrally passionate about but I haven’t seem to figure it out. I am not married and finding a girlfriend has been much harder after I left my job, probably due to the negative connotations it has.
I’ve been thinking about applying for a proper job but I’m not sure if I want to sacrifice my freedom for a similar amount of money that I’m making right now. I’m not saying Uber does not have its cons (nearly got cheated by a passenger the other day). It’s just that I have not found my true calling, whatever it is. I hope I will find it soon.
Hi Matt – Please don’t think you are useless in society driving a car. You provide huge value! And, I’m one of you, after giving over 500 Uber rides myself during my discovery phase.
I’d continuously look for meaningful work while also hustling on Uber or Lyft. Driving is a good time to think as well!
Related:
What’s It Like Driving For Uber? Mixed Feelings Of Hope And Sadness
Why I’m No Longer Willing To Drive For Uber
Hey Sam,
You can come to my Companies Holiday Party!
Good honest stuff. Society is so full of this made up process that we all have to work until we die and that our identity is our job/career. It is a flaw sense of mind. I have a few years left before I FIRE but will remember this post to prepare for life after work.
Keep up the good writing it helps all of us readers prepare and not have regrets.
Give us an update on your little one soon as they grow up so fast!
Thanks for the invitation! Maybe it’s the celebration with colleagues in the trenches after a years worth of hard work. It’s fun to celebrate achievements with other people.
I don’t celebrate enough, and it’s probably because my birthdays in the summer, and as a kid, I was never able to celebrate it with friends.
But gosh darn it, I’ve had the best month ever for the business in August 2018, and maybe the month has been the best ever in my life with my son’s milestones, and some other random wins.
We will be celebrating big-time in Samurai September! I hope you join me.
Sam you write such thoughtful and true reflections. The notion that early retirement and financial independence are going to make you happy when you weren’t before (after the fleeting good feelings from the accomplishment) is a good remainder to find joy and contentment with the present and love what you have vs desire the have what you love.
After reading Dan’s post above critiquing you about not giving more (wasn’t even close to the point of your post and from someone who thinks rewarding tenants that pay on time with a latte is somehow giving back) I have a suggestion that may help you write for a long time without get burned out by the occasional nasty post – just let the community respond to the posts like Dans or from that woman a few posts ago who critisized your terminology of helping your wife with child care duties. One thing I’ve learned about social media in my business is your fans will jump in and defend you better than you could yourself and you avoid having to put energy into or reacting to the one off, maybe even baiting, post. Selfishly I want you to write for a long time!!
It’s a good suggestion! And that would be awesome. The thing is, I’m the one who approves the comments, so I see it first and then I approve it and respond to it if it motivates me to do so. The readers would have to read the post, then read the comment, and then make some of their own rebuttles.
I’m so used to just knocking things out extremely quickly they’re waiting for any type of support can be difficult. Finally, I’m often up until 1 AM and wake up around 6:15 AM.
What I’ve got to learn as patience and letting go. Stop checking the Internet as much would help too.
But I’ve come up with a solution that I’ll introduce before the year is over! Thanks for your support.
I think a lot of people were reading some kind of attack into that comment that wasn’t really there. It’s not wrong to say that if you are financially free but lacking meaning/social connection, finding a way to give can really help. It can replace the drive to earn with the drive to help and someone like Sam is in a unique position to influence a ton of people in the same position to also help, by writing posts about how to do so and how great it feels.
I don’t think the point of the post was that Sam (or anyone else) is being selfish and ought to give it all away and how dare they not go build schools in Africa. The point was that it feels good to give and would help solve a lot of the problems Sam is mentioning here. Problems specific to people who are suddenly in a really valuable position of being able to donate a lot of time and/or money and really make a difference. It’s a good match.
Interesting read, as I spent most of the day binge watching old episodes of NYPD Blue on Amazon Prime. Just couldn’t seem to get motivated to do much more. I’m a veterinarian who is semi-retired, down to 1-2 days a week depending on the season. Haven’t fully retired, since I own the practice,which provides me good semi-passive income. My oldest son just left for college, my youngest is starting his sophomore year of high school. So we’ll be empty nesters in a few years. Might cash out then.
I’m lucky to have some very close friends in the neighborhood that work flexible hours, so I can find a lunch or happy hour partner regularly, and we try for a weekly “board meeting “ when schedules permit.
But I’ve definitely hit the boredom/what’s my purpose wall, and have been considering different potential things to focus on- basketball leagues, seriously focusing on writing a book I’ve started, habitat for Humanity, etc Definitely need to find some consistent thing to have to get up and moving towards…
Sam, like many others, I loved this message and its honesty. I was “retired” by my corporation at 57 which gave me an excuse to join some former colleagues and start our own business that we have been working on for the last 3 years. I think having this new “hobby” allowed me to ease into some of the challenges of “downshifting” later in one’s career. I can still answer the question of what I do for a living with my involvement in our startup business while at the same time having a lot of gaps in my days to enjoy other pursuits.
I did experience many of the other transitional challenges you mentioned. Full retirement will probably be a harder pill to swallow than I ever imagined which is why I believe I will always have some side projects taking up a few hours a week as I fill up the rest of my time with real retirement pursuits. I’m not mentally there yet to fully retire and I guess a lot depends on if our business develops enough traction to sustain itself and for how long.
Comrade Sam! Great article and I really like the personal connection to how it’s impacted you since “retirement.” I think this is very much part of the Life journey and everyone’s is different. As noted above, there are similarities to other events like kids moving out for full-time parents or the person dealing with a layoff.
In my case, I’m three months into being FIRE’d up at 57 — something that took some planning in that I “retired” twice for the life-long passive income. In both cases, I mentally prepared 3 years out from the target date and I think that made all the difference (there’s a whole discussion on what that takes!). One military mentor’s words have always stuck with me, “If we’re lucky and don’t get killed we can stay with it till retirement. Then someone else can fill our shoes for Uncle Sam. Don’t think you’re so important that you die at you desk.”
Agreed that the social connections have to be worked. I’ve found meetup groups for motorcycle riding and there’s a herd of us “retired folks” in Austin that ride to breakfast every Wednesday. That’s lead to more interactions and social opportunities.
Good to hear comrade Rudy! Yes, absolutely, we must realize that although we wrap our identities in our careers, we really aren’t that important because companies move on without us, whether we like it or not.
I LOVED riding my motorbike in the past. Nothing like the winy open road up the mountains and in wine country. But alas, I’m trying to minimize risk with a son. Need to be alive until he gets a job at least!
Hi Sam, you know me – I retired 11 years ago from a job most people would kill to have, and I haven’t worked a minute since then.
The most challenging part of retirement after 11 years is to fully understand how much you left on the table as you see friends and family who were way behind you financially, pass you up on their way to 10 million dollar mansions, 9 figure net worths, and commercial property portfolios. ;-)
Also despite trying to challenge your mind in retirement, nothing will ever keep your mind as sharp as that profession that paid you millions to work your magic.
Oh ya and health insurance premiums are murder.
OMG! I can’t believe some of the comments you have to endure from some of your readers! Your articles are really insightful, and I’m so thankful to have come across your blog and all of your awesome (and free) content.
Truly, if you did want to charge for some of your services, you should consider offering an online financial review/assessment of individual portfolios. I know my husband and I would be interested in getting your input. We currently have another financial advisor who is great, but also quite conservative. I’m not sure they are also aware of some of the investments you support like real estate crowdfunding or P2P lending.
Thanks! Writing and putting yourself out there can be tough work, but someone’s going to do it right?
I’ll likely never charge anything. It’s fun to tell stories and to provide some financial perspective so that other people can learn. I truly believe in the democratization of education through the Internet. I love reading work from people who have experienced Something you’re looking to achieve.
The problem is, too many people who have already got theirs, don’t want to or don’t have the time to share their experiences on a regular basis. So from that perspective, I absolutely do believe that writing for free to help people improve their financial situation and answer any problems they may have is a form of giving back.
And given that giving is very addictive, I plan to writr until my fingers fall off.
This is your best post yet. I retired at age 44 from a job in financial services four years ago. I have experienced pretty much everything you described. I still have days when I question it, but I keep busy enough with elementary age kids for the moment. Some of the comments here are also gold. Sam – thank you for continuing to share your work!
Congratulations on your early retirement! What a blessing to have elementary school kids to take care of.
This is also my favorite post I’ve read on Fin. Sam.
Saving for FI by itself makes you an outlier. People always think I’m nutty when I talk about money.
Or bare minimum they wonder why I don’t spend more when we earn a great living compared to many peers.
I think life is always changing so therefore there are always going to be the ups and downs.
For me a big part of investing to FI is just to give myself stability and options because so many people I care about were robbed of this in their lives due to money.
As I move forward I realize more and more it’s about balance. Even having a strong head start and solid footing now makes me feel like I have options going forward.
Having a quality relationship with a significant other is also important. I think hopefully they balance you out. I’m happy my wife pushes me to spend more and invest less. We have built some awesome memories over he years because of this. I have also challenged her to not spend on things we don’t need and we both meet in the middle.
As far as holiday parties I have never been a big fan. If you ever come through Denver and want to have a beer let me know!
“Having a quality relationship with a significant other is also important.”
I think this is key. Having a like-minded person to share life with makes early retirement wonderful.
Sam, Thanks for your candid assessment on the RE part of FI. I’ve benefited greatly from the FI movement which I began to follow in 2010. FIRE gave me the framework, the tools, and most importantly, the community, to achieve FI (@51, ~$8M liquid assets, excluding $2M home, no mortgage), but i’m not so sure about the RE part…
When I tried to take a leap to RE by taking a 3 month sabbatical from work, I ran into pretty much the same problems in your posts: wife don’t need/want me at home during the day, she’s been a stay-home mom and have her own schedule and social calendar, your life loose structures, etc… To keep myself from getting bored, I end up doing all the online courses and began to develop a renewed interest in my profession, and end up switch to a more interesting field with more interesting work and more positive people.
The negative part of work is still there, but amazingly, once you have FI, you realize you *don’t* have to go to lunch with coworkers you don’t like, you can choose projects that are interesting, you no longer care about raises or promotions, and if anything, you can always go to another team or company and not worrying about paying bills. The equanimity that is bought by FI is tremendous.
At this point, I’m still working and pulling in ~$450K per year, and donate unspent salary to charity. When consulting with the head of charity we donated to (a retired Cal professor who runs a free after-school tutoring program for rural children) whether I should retire and volunteer for his organization instead, he told me i’m over-qualified as a tutor and he’d much rather I donate $$$ so he can hire more out-of-work people as tutors who really need $$$, so he can solve 2 problems at once: reduce unemployment & provide free tutoring). His advice is the main reason for me to continue working even we don’t need the $$$.
As part of my RE research, I also read “Escape from Freedom”,
https://www.amazon.com/Escape-Freedom-Erich-Fromm/dp/0805031499 – it basically says human are social specie by evolution, and we (unconsciously) crave for the social structures (unless you have autism). The book has been very helpful in giving me the mental framework to stay working. We still aim to retire @55, but will see :)
Sam, have you ever heard of cognitive behavorial therapy? Look up helpful and harmful thoughts; I think it would be very helpful to you!
I haven’t. Any cliff notes you want to share?
Does this post make me seem like I’m down and out? If so, perhaps I’m too good at arguing one Perspective, because overall, not having to go to a day job is one of the best things ever. But I just don’t want to talk about how good it is because that’s pretty annoying.
Sam,
Thanks for putting these thoughts to words. After reading, I can see how each of those downsides can define an early retiree’s day-to-day life.
As with all major changes in life, stress (or dread) come along for the ride- even for good life changes. I try to remind myself that positive change can still create stress and this is my body/mind’s way of reacting to change.
By way of personal example I can relate to your second item, though not from early retirement, but from some life changes. I’ve recently had a lot of time free up as a result of a job change and passing my final CPA exam. Before, my normal work load and studying would combine for ~80 hours per week on average, with some weeks being much heavier (i.e., during quarterly earnings). This was the case for the past 3-4 years and my schedule normalized to these obligations occupying most of my time.
However, in the past few months since I’ve transitioned to a much more reasonable work/life balance, I was initially at a loss for what to do to occupy my time. This was time I hadn’t a need to account for because I was either at my work desk running through spreadsheets or my kitchen table with my nose in a book or taking practice exams on an iPad. I quickly decided I needed to do something besides loafing around and watching Netflix with my wife each evening after work. My first thought was to build more skills to help me advance my career. As such, I enrolled in an online class to learn different software packages routinely used by a data scientist, thinking this would be useful. While I enjoyed developing those skills, my heart wasn’t in it. I needed something else.
After noticing my wife’s mentioning of a financial blog she was reading (your’s), I thought it would be a great idea to repurpose my time not to helping myself, but to helping others. I would regularly field questions from friends and family about personal finance topics and I thought it would be useful to put pen to paper (or maybe fingers to keyboard?) and document some of my discussions to guide others in my generation who may have the same questions. Selfishly, I’ve really enjoyed the entrepreneurial experience that has come from starting a blog. But it’s been equally rewarding hearing about specific topics people want to know more about and then writing a piece and sharing it with them.
This is all a long way of saying that I don’t know if I’ll ever be an early retiree, but your points resonated with me in a similar way. My changing schedule did feel like I walked into part-time work despite my new job still accounting for 40 hours per week. And you’re likely right that my annoyances will change with more time available to pay them mind. However, I think with all major changes, the stress is best dealt with when you have a strategy and structure in your life. That mindset along with a routine have really gone a long way toward me overcoming the downsides of my life changes. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Congratulations on passing the CPA exam! That is quite an accomplishment you should be very proud of. Nobody can take that away from you. I can’t believe it’s been over 12 years since I graduated from business school. I have my diploma in the guest room/playroom and it’s fun to look at every so often.
Enjoy the blog and journey! Half the battle is just survival.
I lived much of what you explained in this honest take, Sam and it was great to hear it from someone operating at a higher financial level than I am. Thank you!
Anyone who can relate to the challenges in this post would likely get a lot from Jordan Peterson’s talks on meaning and responsibility. He’s a clinical psychologist and now a modern philosopher of sorts exploding in the male world of psychology.
A quick search on YouTube and you’ll feel smarter just from listening to him — like this blog! His theories changed my life.
Will check out the talk! Thanks
Yikes, that Jordan guy was not what I was expecting. Maybe I found the wrong guy, but I don’t think so. What’s your opinion if you watched his talk?
Is this a post about the meaning of life or early retirement? A close friend of mine wrote a book about his journey riding a bicycle around the world. Somehow it was repackaged into a pursuit into the meaning of life. He certainly had some interesting life experiences money cannot buy (especially in a “5 star hotel”) and several near-death experiences ending with the shocking conclusion that, “the meaning of life is whatever meaning you give to your life”. I know his trip was not about searching for the meaning of life at least initially, but here is a glimpse into truth that people like to twist for their own conveniences. He was my roommate in DC, and on the same day I was moving away (lost his best friend). His girlfriend broke up with him (lost his GF), and his boss told him he was the worst art director he ever worked with (lost his job). I told him well what does he like? Knowing him well I said the 3 B’s: Beer, Bicycles and Babes. We were still in our early 20’s is my best defense. Why not combine all three by bicycling across the country? He took my advice.
But he didn’t have to bicycle around the world to find the meaning of life, because for the most part the meaning of life is in our back yard. He was simply running away from the realities of life that life is hard and to have success you must make sacrifices and even if sacrifices are made not everyone will receive success. Our ancestors knew this tenet well but described it in terms that modern life has trouble relating to. Our ancestors sacrificed goats and sheep (hard work), and they received blessings (success) but not always (Cain). My friend’s true intent on bicycling around the world was a way to coupe with his inability to sacrifice long hours at work in a competitive field. He couldn’t hack it and that’s okay, but why not be honest about it and move on. We don’t have to bicycle around the world. With maturity how could the idea of pursuing the 3 B’s be offered as the catalyst for bicycling around the world when searching for the meaning of life gives so much more status? LOL, I could really use that “$10 Starbucks card” now, do I qualify writing this free reply? If only I was one of those lucky renters.
Good stuff! It’s whatever you want to make it out to be.
I’m sure Daniel Cohen in the comments would be happy to mail you a $10 Starbucks card if you ask nicely. Give it a go!
That guy Daniel Cohen is something. Lecturing others on giving without having a clue what giving they do, not that it is anybody’s business. Lots of very good reasons for not disclosing that besides the Bible saying it has to be anonymous to get credit for it (or something like that). Bragging about his cheapskate “giving” yet. His tenants must burst out laughing after his 3-month inspections.
Anyway, Sam, you give yourself big time all over the place, which is the best giving of all, and I am betting your financial giving is thoughtful and generous.
Good post — All of those retirement realities are very true and as always you describe them well. There are transitions in life, retirement being a big one. Lots of adjustments. But when something is lost, new things come to take its place. Exciting to see what those will be.
I have watched friends retire abruptly at 65, and stumble for the first year before finding a groove. Those that have plenty of interests and activities while they are working hardly skip a beat. Those that have done very little other than work don’t know how to go about filling a life.
Sam, Although this post is about retiring from “paid work”, a lot of what you write about and your emotional mindset applies to nonworking parents when their children become independent and leave home.
I only worked for a few years, and then chose to stay home raising our 3 children. I had a lot of “mommy” friends, and was very busy taking care of the children, taking them to activities, cooking, etc. In fact, I used to wonder how the heck I could have held down a full time or even part time job. There were man-days my kids were home sick, I volunteered in school, etc.
Then over time, the “crazy busy” life tapers down, and you look around and wonder what the heck you will do now. When people ask you what you do, you can no longer say “stay- at- home mom”. It is as if you have been fired or retired from your job. The difference I had was that my friends were all in the same boat, and we still socialized, volunteered around town, etc. But on some level I feel like I have been waiting for the rest of the world to retire and join me in my life.
Not sure if this makes sense, but I bet many many stay- at- home parents have experienced a lot of what you talk about in this post.
Oh wow! What you write makes complete sense! Further, being a stay at home parent is crazy hard! So much time is invested in being a parent as a stay at home, that I can imagine when the kids are gone, there is this sunken feeling.
I hope my son remembers how much time I spent with him and how much I loved him for his first 18 years. I hope he doesn’t forget about me and remembers to call. Just a few minutes a week to tell me how his life is would make me so happy. And even if he doesn’t at the time, I know he’ll appreciate all the podcasts I will have recorded for him when I’m gone.
It takes so much work to build and maintain a social/support network. But I’m determined.
Hope your children are doing well!
This post hit me at my core. Little background. I semi-retired at roughly 31 (38 now). I say semi because I still work about 15 to 20 hours a week (although by choice). I’m a litigator with an extreme specialty. I usually pull between $500k to a little over $1m a year. After law school I went to one of the best firms in the world, but only for four years. I made a good enough impression that I was able to take work with me when I left to open my own firm. I leveraged that opportunity into a very small niche practice. No kids. No debt. No responsibilities in this world other than my wife.
Unlike many of the responsible folks that read this blog, I’ve gone in the other direction for the past several years. I bought a $200k car. I live in one of the nicest buildings in my city. I’ve saved, but not nearly as much as I should have. I decided instead to travel the world while I was young. But, not just travel–instead, travel in style. Always business or first class, five-star hotels, driver, etc. Exactly like you see in the movies. In the last three years alone I’ve been to well over a dozen countries, including the Maldives, UAE, South Africa, etc. Two years ago I spent $100k wrapping the globe. Bucket list stuff for sure. I just got back from almost two full months in Europe. The point isn’t to humble brag, but rather set the scene.
So last night I was up to 4:00 a.m. unable to sleep–something all too common for someone so “lucky.” The thought that passes through my head over and over and over is “now what?” As you mentioned, I have very few friends or clients left from my work years. I stay in touch, but mostly I just get “must be nice” comments because folks are still working harsh hours at a firm. I certainly don’t get invited to the Christmas parties anymore. I grew up modest–so my family offers very little in the way of support. Again, mostly “must be nice” snipes. Plus, when family sits around and talks about jobs, trying to pay bills, etc.–I can’t relate anymore. I end up writing a check for $10,000 and making up an excuse to leave.
Anyway, the purpose of all this is two things. First, thank you for this post. It was actually quite nice to hear that others experience the same issues. It takes guts to be so “lucky” and talk about these issues (particularly on the internet). Second, for others, in my humble opinion, you shouldn’t be trying to “retire.” You should find something you love to do and then keep doing it. My grandfather used to tell me if you love your job you will never work a day in your life. Don’t slog away for 25 years to squirrel away enough to sit on the couch all day. Squirrel away a few hundred thousand and go open up a business doing something you love. And keep doing it–forever! If you are really lucky, you will find some good people to go into business with and share the journey.
I was absolutely convinced if I had enough money to never work again and travel the world I would be happy. I was wrong. There is much more to life. I used to hear people say that all the time, but I always thought it wouldn’t apply to me because I didn’t grow up rich. It is absolutely amazing what you can get used to and start taking for granted.
This was a great story and comment, thanks for sharing. Like Sam’s post this is inspirational or uplifting for those of us not doing the typical career routine.
While I’m not as financially successful as you it helps me not to worry about that as much now.
And for what it’s worth using your money to help others now that you crossed off bucket list items is a smart move. Even if it’s hard to relate you’re still helping and contributing to society.
I do litigation with a narrow specialty as well. I’m curious to know what area you are in, if it’s not too intrusive.
I’d rather not say exactly, but it involves science. I have a somewhat unique educational background. That results in a specialty within a specialty. Plus most folks with a dorky educational background like mine hate showing up in court. I enjoy it, so that helps a lot. As you likely already figured out, I’m not being paid at an hourly rate either. That’s why the yearly swing in salary is so much.
I understand, and thanks for the info. I don’t get paid an hourly rate either – caps your income.
Thanks for this comment. I agree with you about retirement. The longer I work and the more I make – especially now that I’m at a firm full of people I like and clients I enjoy socializing with – the less I am interested in retiring. At the same time, that leaves me with a net worth that could afford me early retirement combined with a big salary and savings rate. I’ve consciously loosened the purse strings as a result over the last year or so (not that I’ve ever been truly frugal), and it’s fun and comfortable but also rings hollow and doesn’t really feel good at the end of the day. Putting a wedge between me and my spouse and our families, us becoming uncomfortable in all but the most luxurious situations, inability to relate to “regular” money problems and people.
At the end of the day none of that is fulfilling, even work in many cases. We don’t particularly want kids, but family is the only thing that has ever given me purpose (besides religion which I gave up years ago). That said, my career gives me a routine and schedule, an identity, a social and professional network, a team that relies on me, and a reason to get out of bed and put on some nice clothes and use my brain on a daily basis. Frankly even if I hit the 9 figure lottery I think giving all that up would cause more harm than good.
Must be nice. (Sorry, couldn’t help myself!)
In all seriousness what about taking your own advice? You have more than enough space to start a business doing something you really care about. What about a non-profit, or helping kids that need it?
I’m still on my path to a modicum of financial freedom but I currently imagine my days would be filled with hobbies and meaningful pursuits. There are lots of things I still want to do that don’t require a lot of money, but require time and attention. I guess a lot of them are a means of addressing my inadequacies. I’ve never been good at sports or music or art, so I’d like to work on learning BJJ, drums and painting with a good teacher to guide me.
I don’t think I was always a good brother so I’d like to help my sister out, and be more involved in her life, and I want to be a bigger brother (i.e. apply to the bigger brother foundation). I’d like to code things that would help people without feeling like I have to think about monetization or return on my time. Similarly for business, it would be nice to help some people without worrying about whether there are affiliates in the space or courses I can make. I’d try and write some short stories or even a proper book — it wouldn’t matter if it was awful.
Am I wrong here? I imagine that even without work I’d fill my schedule quite easily, and that’s without dating/a spouse and kids on top. What’s your experience been?
The honest answer to your question is a little weird. I absolutely love efficiency–probably to a fault. Financially at least, I don’t start a new business or invest in time consuming projects because I’ve never come across something that can pay more than what I do for as little effort. Even though I have the time, it bothers me to “waste” it. I also really enjoy what I do. I think I’m good at it (or so I’m told) and that is always a good feeling. However, once I hit between $500k and $1 mil a year I shut down. My brain just says: “what’s the point in doing more?” If there is something in this world you can’t buy with a salary like that then you have issues. At least that is what I tell myself. Could be a justification to be lazy, but lazy isn’t how most people would describe me.
I do give to charity, but had to pull back from doing legal aid type work. Long story. It can be emotionally too much for some people (particularly when it involves kids). I’m designed better to litigate for or against large corporations.
Hobbies are fun. I like to travel. I’ve lost a ton of weight over the last few years and I am in the best shape of my life. I run, bike, swim, do yoga, etc. Goes back to that efficiency thing though. I see the point and benefit in exercise. It makes sense to me. I’m not evolved enough yet I guess to enjoy art or music. I’ve never been interested in anything even as a hobby unless it results in a tangible and productive result. My reading list would seem like torture to most people. Played around with politics for a bit as a “hobby,” but it was way too toxic for me. It was fun (I love a good debate/argument), but it brought out the worst qualities in me so I had to stop.
I too imagined it would be easy to fill the day. But, if you minus off kids, most family, a “real” job, money issues, health issues … there is a ton of time in a day to fill. 18 hours a day is a lot of time if you like staying productive. My wife is a lot of fun to goof off with, but a few hours a day of me is enough for her. After that I stress her out with my constant need to do something useful or productive. She can sit on a beach for 12 hours a day doing absolutely nothing and be totally happy. I’m jealous!
I can empathize with the focus on productivity or efficiency — but why not point it at a metric other than money? Viewers on a youtube channel, people helped by a non-profit, reviews on a product/book, streams of your music…
I’m not really in any position that allows me to advise you, but I personally would use those things as a weapon rather than letting myself feel like they are flaws. I’d try and turn them on a new challenge. It’s not rewarding to do something and feel like you’re just idling time away or spinning your wheels, so I think you have to bring the efficiency and need for achievement to anything. I feel it’s always about the bottom line, but the bottom line doesn’t have to be money, especially since you’re effectively done with that game. What do you think?
Thanks for sharing! Such great insight. Do you have a spouse and family? I’ve found these people help fill the happiness void and make freedom, money, and effort more meaningful.
Before my son came, all I was doing was traveling and making money for my financial freedom and my wife’s. After a while, it felt kind of pointless, or at least less meaningful. Now, I’m so amped up every single day to Take care of my family that I feel my life took a step up in purpose.
I’m married. Which is great. Once we both quit working our relationship really blossomed into something I never expected. It was like setting down a ton of bricks and leaving it behind. Your post was about the negatives, so my comments are geared toward the “downsides.” I could fill paragraphs for sure with the positives. The positives are just not what I thought they would be ironically. You would think the ability to travel the world would be the main upside (and it is nice for sure). But, after awhile, the little things end up being even more special somehow. Like the ability to step in and help someone at the drop of a hat since you have complete flexibility in your schedule. I can’t tell you how many times someone has genuinely felt like they were “saved” from a disaster when all I donated was time. This one is stupid, but I also love accepting last minute invitations from people that are only being polite because they assume you could never get the “time off” to join with no notice. Immature to be sure, but often hilarious and sometimes you actually have an amazing time with someone you don’t know very well. I spent a week in Miami in December with a group of total strangers because one of them said they had two extra tickets to Art Basel and my wife and I should come. We were at a bar in New York City and the tickets were for the next day. The point was to teach the guy a lesson on “bragging,” but it turned out him and his friends were really nice. We just spent a week with two of the guys at their house in Germany. Again, the little things like having the time to meet new people is something that was not on my radar initially.
Sounds like your little one was not the primary motivation for leaving your job, but rather a very pleasant surprise benefit. I love kids, but prefer spoiling other people’s to having my own.
I hear you about all the churches in Europe all starting to look the same. That is cool to have the spontaneity to do whatever.
We weren’t sure that we really wanted kids, but we also decided it would be a wonderful addition and a exciting new journey to our lives.
Firstly Sam, your article is awesome. This comment is great too because it so clearly illustrates someone who can easily enhance their happiness just by adding one additional, vital objective to their list.
Since social capital is proven to be the clearest predictor of happiness, we all should be keeping an eye on our strategy for building and maintaining social capital.
Your social capital is the web of relationships you have that give you connection with others, a sense of belonging and hopefully some amusement or support (and often irritations too but that’s part of the fun of it). These relationships can range from the little ones (the doorman, your dentist) to the very intense(spouse, children parents). Its all important.
The workplace conveniently packages up a large part of our social need for relationships, community and a sense of belonging. Ensuring those needs are met outside the workplace is a skill which people as brainy as us can crack pretty easily so long as we keep unrealistic expectations in check.
Sam writes well about his strategies for connecting with other people. He is very thoughtful about his social capital.
Most are these are a concern I have for my husband. He’s still working and he thinks / believes it will be great after he leave work but I’ve warned him that meaning and purpose is going to smack him in the face double time. I worry he’s not going to find that thing that sparks him like I found my thing. One can only play so many video games until it gets numbing.
Great to hear your son has given you a renewed purpose! I think we are planning kids first and then retiring after they start walking and talking and all health signs are green. Then my husband can go into stay at home dad mode and feel purpose in that way… Otherwise I’m not sure if he’s going to find his spark.
It’s a good plan you guys have. Just know that nothing ever goes 100% according to plan, and it’s important to stay flexible. What we imagine what things are like in our heads is often different from reality. Sometimes better, sometimes worse.
I had some pretty clear goals w/ FS after leaving work, but still felt uneasy for a couple years. Make sure your husband writes out his plan and tests it out before leaving!
When someone asks me what I am, I say that I am an engineer. Its more of my identity than anything else, insomuch that it is also my profession. I built my first pc from parts at age 11.
Saying that, I fear the laziness birds will land on my back. I have many hobbies and interests, but what happens when I don’t have the clock against me. Who knows.
One big thing I have not done yet is worked backwards. What I mean by that is that I have not found the savings rate that will enable me to retire when I want to. My hope is maybe 10 to 15 years more work at tops. That is what this post got me thinking about.
Good thing working backwards is very easy to do! Circle a date on your calendar and make it a mission to make it happen.
Super insightful! And all true. I remember thinking “I’ll have so much time to do xyz” like finally organize all the kitchen cabinets and closets once I stop working. I did some of that but definitely not as much as I imagined. I felt so happy to be free of a stressful job and while I did have more time, there were other things that came up and I didn’t manage my time as well as I could have before I got pregnant and had a baby. I also felt like goofing off more than I anticipated when I should have used that freedom to do more fun and productive things, see more friends and family, places, write more, etc. I love being a full time mom now though and I certainly keep busy around the clock now!
I am glad you are a full-time mom :-) you’ll look back with on this I believe once he goes to school full-time or leaves the nest. What treasure we have the able to spend time with our son.
Austin is cheaper, but you’d definitely send your kid to private school. I’m happy I moved here, can save much more than when I was living in California.
Great post! I have definitely experienced everything you’ve mentioned as an early retiree. I completely agree with what you said about introverts. I believe being an introvert has helped me with my transition. I don’t really mind that I don’t see that many people every day, though it does get lonely sometimes. It’s interesting to see how much we all depend on our jobs to give us community, purpose, and direction. Our jobs also dictated our to do list and how we managed our time. And it has been somewhat of a transition to take on all those responsibilities myself. However, now that I’m retired, I know for a fact I will NEVER go back to work full time (and I just turned down a part-time gig recently). I value my freedom too much to do that.
Thanks for the honest and well written post!
Hi Sam.. Great Article!!
However, I think one major part is missing that can make early retirement worthwhile.
Life is all about what we GIVE and NOT what we GET.
Nowhere in your article did you mention how you have been a giver in retirement? What makes you think you can be accepted, appreciated, and invited to parties when you don’t spend part of your retired life giving to others? When is the last time you met someone and just gave them a 10$ starbucks gift card immediately? Would they care you are unemployed after that?
Are you thinking you are giving by training people on Financial Samurai about finances? Why do you think making money from your articles is giving?
I challenge you to start making your life about going out of your way to do positive good things for other people and expect nothing in return.
Actually, you bring up a good point. Do you think I should charge for my articles on Financial Samurai? I’ve received a lot of thank you e-mails and comments over the years from readers who’ve said I’ve helped turn their lives around. I’ve long wondered about the benefits of a subscription business, because writing these articles take a loooooooong time to write and edit. I was up until 2am for this one, for example.
I feel embarrassed to write about my giving. I’m the type of guy who will give anonymously, or under the name of someone I want to honor instead of my own name. I have hosted content regarding educating my readership on foster care, for example, because I’m a foster care mentor.
Do you think I should be more open about how much I give? I’m sure I could do more to help other people. If it pleases you, I did donate money last week to the American Nystagmus Network to help spread awareness and do research on this visual impairment. One strategy for spreading awareness is to incorporate things I care about into my articles e.g. The Chens who have a son with nystagmus.
How about yourself? What are some of the things you do to help others? I’d love to read your work as well, because goodness knows it can sometimes be a thankless job to write for free. It sounds like you are doing a lot to help others, and I’d love to learn from you and hear what I should do.
Thanks for your guidance! Hope Seattle is treating you well. And say Mahalo to your man in Hawaii for me.
I’m the same way and keep my giving private. When someone brags about their giving or gives in order to have their name on a building, you’ve got to wonder whether they are giving because they want to give or because they want the attention. There was this whole story recently about a hedge fund manager who said he’d only give to the school if his name was on it, so they declined. Haha.
For the record, I’ve never sent you any money to read your work, and it has helped me think about issues more deeply. So thank you! I don’t know what Daniel Cohen is talking about.
Maybe he’s Mother Theresa in disguise? It’s always fascinating when others judge others about how much they give without disclosing what type of giving they do to make them so holy.
Hi Andrew,
Maybe he’s Mother Theresa in disguise? It’s always fascinating when others judge others about how much they give without disclosing what type of giving they do to make them so holy.
Response: Why are you being so hard on yourself? And what makes you believe I am judging others? Why do you think it matters how much someone gives? I’m more interested in whether people give without expecting anything in return. Otherwise, people are buying.
My intentions are pure and I work to live a life add value to others around me.
I am very appreciative of the articles Sam puts together for free. If I thought Sam needed the funds, I would contribute. However, Sam is doing better than I am financially and I have other friends and people in more need right now.
If you call giving your tenants $10 a Starbucks gift card charity, then I think you are a little bit delusional. But then to take it a step further and ask why Sam is not donating more, when this is not the topic of the post, shows that you really lack emotional intelligence.
Do you have a wife and family? If so, maybe they can provide some perspective. Because it feels like something is really wrong. Like there is a void of happiness in you somewhere.
Hi Andrew,
But then to take it a step further and ask why Sam is not donating more,
Response: If I said, why he is not donating more, then I miswrote. I thought I was just pointing out that he did not mention anything about donating in the article. And I was pointing out some of the best parts of life are about giving. You should read the book “The Go Giver” by Bob Burg.. Great book.
when this is not the topic of the post, shows that you really lack emotional intelligence.
Response: I’m confused. There was nothing emotional about what I wrote.
Emotional Intelligence is defined as:
The capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.
Do you have a wife and family?
Response: Yup.
Because it feels like something is really wrong. Like there is a void of happiness in you somewhere.
Response: You are correct.. This is why I see a therapist.
Hi Sam,
Do you think I should charge for my articles on Financial Samurai?
Response: You can charge whatever you want for your articles. However, if you are making enough money to cover your expenses, then what will the extra money bring you? Are you looking to charge so you can be a bigger giver? I thought I read that you are happy with how Financial Samarai is going. So, charging for your articles might not be necessary.
Do you think I should be more open about how much I give?
Response: Yes, I think you should be more open about how much you give in order to inspire others to give.
How about yourself? What are some of the things you do to help others?
Response: I’d love to be able to do more than I can right now. So far, I currently give to my tenants. When I come to check out my properties every three months, I show up with 10$ gift cards to Starbucks for each renter and tell them how much I appreciate that they pay on time and take care of the place. I don’t expect anything for it but I seem to find myself with really good tenants.
I also give to random people in the streets. One time, I paid for someone’s lunch because they didn’t have a wallet. Another time I gave a starbucks gift card to someone who looked like they were having a bad day.
I also contribute to some company sponsored campaigns like giving tree.
However, the most important giving I do right now is to a friend of mine who recently got hit by a drunk uninsured driver going the wrong way on the freeway. You can find out more going here: https://www.gofundme.com/cassell-family-emergency-relief
Thanks for your guidance! Hope Seattle is treating you well. And say Mahalo to your therapist for me in Hawaii.
Response: You are welcome. If you are ever up here in my neck of the woods, feel free to reach out, I’d be happy to host you if you need a place to stay. BTW. I pay $135 a session.
Nice summary Sam. For people like me that started late (>35 years) in this business of investing, our FIRE strategy will not be to retire before 50. Hopefully we will not experience some of the things you talked about here. But certainly the most important thing is discovering your true passions so that when you are free and retired, you can pursue those passions forever
I don’t think most people realize how much their identity is tied up in their work. They may complain, but given a ton of free time I’d think that depression would set in. This is especially true for someone like you Sam.
If you’re the kind of person that has the drive to work hard and smart so you’re able to leave the corporate world in your 30s, it’s also highly likely that you’ll need to find another challenging way to occupy your time.
Driven people always need some new mountain to climb. Financial Samurai has become what it is because you parlayed what you did in the securities industry into professional blogging. I appreciate that you’re sharing that early retirement isn’t all sunshine and roses.
I’ve worked from home for the past 9 years so I’m hoping that my transition to early *retirement* will be a bit easier. Time will tell I guess.
I went through some of the same things but to a lesser degree.
Identity crisis – I think everyone has to make this transition when they retire. You’ll try to hang on to your profession, but eventually, you have to move on. When I first retired, I told people I’m early retired. Now, I just tell them I work from home. It makes more sense to them.
Happiness – I’m surprised you had to struggle with this. I’ve been following FS for a long time and you never really mentioned it. My happiness level is much higher now than I was working and it seems sustainable after 6 years. I was miserable at my old job, though. That makes a big difference.
Purpose – Our son was 18 months old when I retired. That’s plenty of purpose until he’s gone off to college. After that, we’ll figure something out.
Other downsides – For me, it is having less friends. Once all the work friends are removed, there are a lot less people in my life. I’m also not good at making new friends so that part has been tough for me.
Yep, tough to make new friends, or at least good friends for sure.
I wasn’t miserable at my job, I just found it to be extremely boring and pointless after my 13th year.
I’m generally a happy-go-lucky type of guy. But I probably joke a little too much to my detriment because there are plenty of stiff people who easily take offense. With social media, it seems like getting outraged has become a national pastime!
For example, I had a bunch of people on Twitter get pissed off when I wrote, “Would you suffer through the indignity of going to public school for $1,000,000?” They basically told me I was an elitist a-hole for jokingly using the word “indignity” when if they read the post, they would realize I was all for going to public school and accepting a big fat check upon graduation.
So of course, I had to write my April Fool’s Day post entitled, Creating The Next Best Frugal Website: Frugal Wonderful, to make some lemonade out of the situation. The post has some serious undertones, but the people who were outraged by my Tweet have never come back to FS. Maybe it’s because they all decided to join a stiffy convention.
Wow, this was a fantastic and honest read. This yields strong motivation to build surplus funds in FIRE, having the freedom to explore numerous activities and pursue varying interests and at whatever cost. Thankfully I generally enjoy my career, its challenges, social aspects, etc. I can OMY and build that extra cushion, but in the meantime, we’ll start to mentally prepare for some of these negatives ahead of time. Might be time to reread The Guide to the Good Life (Stoic Joy).
All of those are reasons why I don’t plan to retire until at least 60 no matter what my financial situation, all else being equal. In addition, I’ve read that many have health problems from retiring early too. There probably isn’t anything scientific to back that up, but I know myself. I won’t be motivated to go out to the gym and exercise on a regular basis. At least now there is a gym at my work so it’s hard to avoid it and not go, especially since it’s free! :-)
Oh, don’t let my post discourage you from living in early retirement lifestyle. I wouldn’t trade it for going back to work full-time any day.
The negatives that I talk about is really about maybe 20% of the pie. The other 80% is very positive, so the positives outweigh the negatives by 4:1.
You ever thought of joining Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu?
Becoming a student again, it’s challenging to learn, good for self-defense and your son will eventually benefit from it. On and on but it’s helped me keep my sanity for about a decade plus now.
I spent many years to become a lawyer. Then I spent many years learning my job. I have helped many people. They needed me. When I retire, clients who want me to help them, won’t have access to me. You had skills people needed. Why did you decide to remove your skills from the world? I wonder how many people you could have helped. Retirement isn’t only about you or me..
Congratulations! Make sure you stay a lawyer for as long as possible and make the big bucks.
As for me, I like to help people for free and give them some financial guidance. Over the years, I have received many emails and letters thanking me for helping them and it is the greatest feeling.
You are right. I enjoy your site. But you are the exception. I read 10,000 baby boomers retire a day. That’s 1.2 million a year. They aren’t you. If you don’t believe me, tomorrow see how many people 60 and older are fat and how many don’t smile. I think people don’t retire, they decay. Then again, who am I?
Sorry, my math was off. But the thoughts are valid.
One last thought. If I was an interesting person, I would have become that guy already. I would have found what excites me long before I retire. Who I am is the guy who will retire. Retirement will not make me more than I already am.
My accountant mailed more money to the IRS. I don’t need to make more money. I need to keep more money. Your thoughts are about making more money. Save more money. Spend less money. All is well and good til tax time. If your readers could save what they pay in taxes, they would have the money they want.
These are some great thoughts and observations based on your own experience. I just retired at 40 a few weeks ago, and already some of the things you mention have come up. I’m sure this article will be a good reminder for me as time goes on.
The people that I’ve seen who are most successful at this transition have a goal that they’re running towards. If you’re entire path to early retirement is centered around running away from a crappy life, the transition will be brutal. You still need something to do with your life. Sitting on a beach drinking fruity cocktails is a vacation, not a life plan.
That said, the longer that you’ve spent in the trenches the harder it can be know what you will actually enjoy doing once you’re “free.”
I’m glad you mentioned doctors who retire early in your post Sam. It is a common issue I have found with docs that have retired, early or not.
When you have trained so long to become a doctor and then spend X amount of years being referred to one, it will be quite a different feeling when you no longer have that type of interaction when you pull from the workforce.
You also hit another point that I am glad I have started creating now as I plan to retire early in the upcoming years and that is to do something that keeps your mind going. For me starting a blog has been a wonderful experience and I feel will keep my mind sharp as well as create social interactions to make up for the ones I will lose when I do retire.
The FIRE crowd is pretty conservative and it is more likely that we suffer from one more year syndrome rather than leaving too early and thus have a greater chance of running out of money, but even so, I know that will be a thought running through my head when I pull the plug. We create disaster scenarios in our minds such as the sequence of return risk from hell that keep us up late at night. I think this will take a few years of actually being retired before you really feel comfortable that you will be financially ok.
I would think suffering from the one more year syndrome would minimize your chances of running out of money because you continue to work and save no?
If doctors can go part time and earn $100,000-$200,000, I think that would be pretty good.
Yes, part-time has been a great way to go for me. I really like my time at work. But I have more time for the rest of my life and to blog, help at home, plan investments, sleep, exercise etc. And I’m still able to make more than the numbers you quote without withdrawing from “retirement” funds.
Hey Sam. Sorry for my confusing sentence. Yes one more year syndrome will reduce the chance of running out of money. The greater chance of running out of money was referring to the leaving too early part portion in that confusing sentence.
For me I think part time may be a great compromise. Still can bring home a great salary but more importantly if I can cut down the hours to the minimum that qualifies me for Healthcare I can take the xpensive option of private individual coverage off the table
Wow, great insights Sam. Should not be underestimated. I think most believe they do not care a lot of what society thinks, but it can be daunting if you are a misfit and stuck in your own mind. Thanks, some food for future thought.
People will treat you like a weird misfit.
I’m only semi-retired and I’m getting quite a bit of this. Neighbor: “I’ve noticed you’re home a lot during the day, did you get laid off?” Me: “Ugh, no.” Neighbor “Hmmm….”
Some of my friends pretend to be happy for me but are obviously skeptical and think I’m odd. But that’s been most of my life :)