They say a parent’s worry never ends. During the global pandemic, parents grew even more anxious. This post offers a solution on how to stop worrying about your child’s future. I’m a father of two young children.
Once I discovered this solution, so many of my worries and frustrations melted away. No longer did I worry about whether my kids will get into public or private grade school. I also stopped worrying about them getting into college or finding a good job.
Stop Worrying And Helping Our Children Grow
Ever since publishing, The Fear Of Screwing Up Our Kids As FIRE Parents, I’ve been brainstorming how we can give our kids everything without giving them everything.
The worst thing we can do as parents is take away our child’s sense of accomplishment. I pity the kid who starts off driving a BMW to school instead of walking or biking.
But recently, I’ve been losing enthusiasm for writing because I’m often too tired due to full-time fatherhood. With preschools shut down, the days have been extremely long during shelter-in-place.
If I had a mundane job that required little thinking, work might be easier than parenthood. Besides, how hard is taking care of a child if you’re gone for 12 – 15 hours a day, right?
Unfortunately, even as a stay at home dad with an online business, it’s difficult to be creative when you lack sleep. It’s also impossible to write when your kids are all over you. It’s as if creativity uses a different chemical in the brain that is finite in supply.
The Epiphany To Keep Going
I thought that hitting the 10-year business anniversary mark in 2019 meant I would finally relax. I thought I would become Keyser Söze and never to be seen or heard from again.
But what I realized after reaching my 10-year Financial Samurai anniversary is that I’ve got to last until 2042! Why? Because the absolute best benefit of owning a business is creating a life safety net for our children.
Not only does a business provide insurance they don’t fall through the cracks, a business produces a perpetual teachable moment for all our kids to apply what they’ve learned in the classroom to the real world.
Besides, with the war on merit going on, having your own business helps ensure your kids will always have educational and income opportunities.
The Real World Is Brutally Difficult
Imagine spending $500,000 in private K-12 tuition only to see your child go to an average university anybody could have gotten into. Because the school is average, he will likely land an average job or no job.
Now imagine the best case scenario where you send your kids to public grade school. Then they get into a top rated university. You still have to pay out the wazoo, yet there is no guarantee they’ll get a great job.
I know plenty of Harvard graduates who end up doing the exact same thing everybody else is doing. In such cases, their Harvard education is a relative waste.
The world is now a hyper competitive place. Even if your child is “perfect,” s/he will have a difficult time getting ahead. There is someone across the world with nothing who will do everything possible to succeed.
And what if your kid has some challenges and disabilities, like 15% of the world’s population does? Life can get even more difficult.
The Challenges Your Child May Face
Here are some things you may worry about for your child that can be overcome by owning your own business:
- Your child may be a minority who will face racial discrimination her entire life
- Your child may be a minority who is required to score higher on standardized tests to have the same chance of getting into a university
- Your child may have a learning disability
- Your child may have a physical disability
- Your child may get into an accident, resulting in a disability
- Your child may be small in stature and get picked on by bullies because their parents are terrible
- Your child may be unattractive, even though you think he’s the cutest ever
- Your child may get in trouble with the law
- Your child may get suspended or expelled from school
- Your child might have a “bad personality” as they get throttled by a university to justify rejecting applicants
If you own a business, you ensure that your child will always have something interesting to do no matter how much they try and fail on their own. Getting straight A’s or going to an elite university no longer matters as much, so long as they are learning.
Further, you don’t have to wait until your child graduates from college before introducing her to every facet of your company. You can start in elementary school or middle school so that by the time she goes to college, she’ll have a much better idea at what she wants to study.
Your business will help your child better appreciate money. He or she will develop a stronger work ethic. Further, you can help your children save and invest for retirement in a custodial Roth IRA. By the time they turn 18, they could easily have more than $100,000 in their Roth IRA.
Education Isn’t Practical Enough
One of the biggest problems with education is that we learn a bunch of subjects and forget everything we learned years later because we don’t see the relevance. Nor do we apply what we learn to the real world. Therefore, we’re only teaching our children how to listen, follow instructions, study, and take tests. What a shame to only create an army of “yes sir, yes ma’am” in society.
When I went back to Berkeley for business school part-time, it was amazing to use my professors as business consultants for my job in finance. Suddenly, theory turned into application, and education became super impactful. The same can be said for getting your child involved in your business.
Having your own business teaches your child practical skills to survive in the real world. The more you can teach your children to survive, the more you can stop worrying about their survival.
The Ultimate Business Expense
My wife and I were going over our YTD numbers and realized that our tax bill is going to be high because our revenue growth accelerated YoY.
Because running an online media company has relatively low fixed costs, there is huge operational leverage where the majority of revenue flows straight to the bottom line. As a result, we started brainstorming ways to keep our taxable income down.
Some fun things we thought about included: 1) creating a conglomerate to buy real estate to flip or lease (See: How to make your business last forever), 2) hosting a business conference in Hawaii for a month, 3) hiring friends and relatives in a lower tax bracket to do some work.
Then we thought to ourselves: wouldn’t it be awesome to hire our son to help us with so many things we’ve been wanting to do? Too bad he’s not even a year old.
Gutting Things Out In Finance
I had zero job offers when I graduated from The College of William & Mary with an Economics major and a Mandarin minor in 1999. I got rejected from every single consulting job I interviewed for.
There was only one company I was hanging onto, and that was an investment bank in NYC. But after over 50 interviews, Goldman Sachs still hadn’t made me an offer prior to commencement. I finally got the job at Goldman, but it was like winning the lottery. And you don’t count on winning the lottery to survive.
The same thing happened with my then girlfriend and now wife. She didn’t receive a job offer after college. Although, by the time she graduated, she was determined to come out to San Francisco to be with me.
I was looking to get any job anywhere that would hopefully pay more than $35,000 a year. She somehow had confidence knowing that everything would turn out OK on the job front after she arrived in San Francisco.
Our post college unemployment story is not unique. According to an Accenture study below, 78% of college graduates don’t have a job offer upon graduation. Further, Accenture found that 51% of graduates from the classes of 2014 and 2015 said they are working in jobs that do not require their college degree.
The Pay And Awesome Jobs We Could Offer Our Son
Let’s say our son ends up exactly like his old man: unemployed at college graduation. So long as he’s done his best to find a relevant job, that’s all that matters. Instead of having to feel depressed for a long period of time without an offer, he’s now got options.
As of now, we could comfortably pay our son a starting salary between $60,000 – $120,000, which would make his salary competitive to the Googles, Facebooks, Apples, and Procter & Gambles of the world.
We would also offer him equity in the business, with similar 3-5 year vesting periods that match any promising startup out there. If he performs well, we can also offer a year end bonus just like the investment banks and strategy consulting firms.
If he joins our company, he would have the best mentors possible teaching him every aspect of running a business. And if we do our jobs right as parents, he’ll be able to hit the ground running because we’ll have already taught him about the business for the past 10 years.
Jobs For Our Son Thanks To Owning A Small Business
To stop worrying about work for our son, here are some jobs he could do that may be applicable to your business as well. And worrying about our sons is naturally since men are having a more difficult time making it in the world.
Business Development. This is a revenue generating role for bringing in new business. He would be responsible for finding new synergistic products and advertising partnerships with Financial Samurai. Business development is the most common and coveted role every post-MBA graduate, who isn’t a founder, wants to land. Maybe he can develop a tie-up with Financial Samurai and the NBA. Or maybe he can reach out to the fast-growing Chinese and Indian advertising market. The possibilities are endless.
Multi-media Director. This role would expand communication beyond writing and into audio, video, virtual reality, and so forth. People consume information differently. The role of the MMD is to reach out to as many different types of consumers as possible to grow traffic.
Marketing / Advertising Director. The marketing director is responsible for not only organic marketing, but also paid marketing. The marketing director knows that if he spends $1 to get $1.01 in profits, he should do so all day long. He will become an expert in PPC, CPL, CPM, and organic marketing, which is vital for all companies who have an online presence.
Head Of Content. The head of content will be responsible for editing all articles, coming up with the editorial calendar, staying in tune with current events, and potentially hiring and managing a team of writers. It takes a shrewd eye to produce topics that resonate with people at the right time.
More Jobs For Our Children
Now that we also have a daughter, here are more jobs we can provide for our children, just in case.
Director Of Finance. The Director of Finance will be responsible for conducting monthly financial reports, paying attention to areas that need optimizing (reducing expenses, maximizing revenue in the podcast channel etc), raising money if necessary, and providing financial optimization presentations. He will also be responsible for tax filing.
Head of Engineering. The head of engineering will be in charge of creating the best online user experience possible for Financial Samurai readers. He will create new features on the website, manage the back end systems, make sure the website is always online, experiment with new technology delivery systems, and more.
Head of Public Relations. PR is responsible for generating as much buzz around a company’s product as possible. One way to do so is by pitching to journalists and TV producers. Another way to create publicity is to work with creative agencies. A PR professional will also write press releases and spend as much time explaining a product to consumers and investors.
Director Of Community. One of the no brainer expansion opportunities for Financial Samurai is to start and grow a personal finance forum directed towards financially savvy individuals. He would be tasked with managing the forum installation, growing the community, setting the guidelines, managing conflicts and spammers, and eventually creating a business opportunity.
Anything. When you run your own private business, you can literally create any role you want for your son or daughter. Let’s say your daughter majored in Art. She eventually wants to get into a career that has everything to do with art. You can hire your daughter as the Artistic Director for your company in charge of branding, imagery, and display. Or, you can pay her to create great images for your business. The possibilities are endless.
Your son or daughter doesn’t have to work for your company forever. But I’m sure they will learn way more about each job role than if they were to work for another company.
A Family Business Provides Better Solutions
Think about these two common scenarios:
Traditional Scenario One
Your son gets a set weekly allowance, if he’s good. Maybe he’ll do some chores here and there, but that’s it.
Business Ownership Solution
Your 7th grader only gets an allowance this month if he creates an advertisement flier, stuffs them into 500 envelopes, and mails them out to prospective customers. He gets a $10 bonus for every response above five.
He uses his art and writing skills, while also developing operational efficiency and grit. You get to explain to him about conversion rate metrics for gorilla marketing and teach him why he is targeting a certain demographic.
Traditional Scenario Two
You take your 9th grader on her first trip out of state to Williamsburg, Virginia to learn about American history and check out The College of William & Mary, a public university. She’s bored out of her mind and forgets about her summer once school starts.
Business Ownership Solution
You tell your daughter this is her first business trip. Therefore, she must save her receipts and work within a budget. She must take notes about what she learns. Further, she needs to take insightful pictures and write a post about whether it’s worth paying up for private school. Finally, she could also write an article about the benefits of risk-taking after King William & Queen Mary decided to expand in a new land.
In terms of pay, she will earn 10 cents for every pageview her article generates (1,000 pageviews = $100), incentivizing her to learn about A/B testing and write convincing prose. After publication, she just might get extra credit from her high school English class.
A New Business Is Fine Too
What’s also great about the business ownership solution is you don’t even need to have an established business to help your kids. You can just create a business together with your daughter when she is of age. So long as you can afford the time and money you’re good. This is my plan just in case Financial Samurai doesn’t last until 2042.
The sooner your child can launch, the sooner s/he can find happiness. With a good job, a heart full of gratitude, and a healthy amount of self-esteem, your child can then spend more time focusing on health and finding a life partner. What’s there left to worry about after money, career, health, and love are taken care of?
Just make sure as parents, we do our best to nurture a great relationship. What a shame it would be if our children wanted nothing to do with us once they graduate.
Conventional Tips To Stop Worrying About Your Kids
- Put things in perspective. There are many situations that are way worse than your child’s.
- Imagine the worst, and realize it’s unlikely to come true. The fear in our head is always worse than reality.
- Get smart about being a parent, a doctor, a teacher, a coach. The more information you can arm yourself with, the less you will fear.
- Take deep breaths and meditate.
- Count your blessings.
- Unplug from Facebook and the internet. They bring about the worst situations.
- Exercise every day, even if it’s just a walk.
- Share your concerns beyond your partner to develop a support network.
- Open up a custodial Roth IRA account
As a parent, it’s hard to stop worrying about your child’s future. However, starting your own business, building a real estate empire, getting your finances right, and growing your network all help.
Best of luck! A parent’s worry is never over. Just try to stop worrying.
Related posts on stop worrying about your children:
The Top 10 Best Reasons For Starting An Online Business
How To Start A Profitable Website
Three White Tenants, One Asian Landlord
Recommendations And Questions
What is a better reason for running a business than being able to educate our kids and provide them direction? What are some other things you do that allow you to worry less about your child’s future? How do you stop worrying about a child in this hyper-competitive world? How do you stop worrying about your kids?
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Sam, I just read this post and agree with the overall message. But aren’t you putting the cart before the horse? What if your son has no interest in working for your business? Or what if his talents do not match the needs of the business?
Based on your recent posts it sounds like running your business is a struggle for you these days. Are you willing to endure this struggle for another 15 years for an opportunity that your son may not even want?
If my kids are uninterested in working on an online business, then they can go the regular route and try to find a job.
Financial Samurai is just insurance. Not a certainty for them. I like to use every motivation to help me keep going.
It is crazy how competitive it is for kids now. In a place like San Francisco, some preschools take applications before a baby is even born. Come on! That is ridiculous.
The internet has made a lot of things easier, but it’s definitely made a lot of things so much more competitive.
If my kids don’t get into a good school, I plan to homeschool them myself temporarily or possibly indefinitely. It’s a big commitment, but something I’m open to.
Regarding hiring your son in the family business – do you know if business travel is considered legitimate for minor employees (i.e. your own kids)? For example if you bring your son to the company off-site in Hawaii, and his job is modeling for website content, would his travel expenses be considered a business expense if he was working while there too?
We just hired our child this year for a similar role in the family business, and occasionally our business brings us to far corners of the country for various events where more representatives of our business would be helpful even if just in a physical body presence role (i.e. an activist event needing large numbers, for a cause that directly benefits our bottom line). I’ve always been curious about clearly delineating the business reason for bringing child employees along.
Actually being a minority means you can score lower on standardized tests and get accepted to a good school. Being a minority makes it easier to be hired for work when the other person is just as good or better as a candidate but you are hired for political correctness. Being a minority means you will have to do less work and have a lower chance of being fired in professional fields.
In the U.S. and Europe it’s white people who are discriminated against in university admissions and employment. In every other country in the world, people look out for their own. Blacks look out for blacks. Indians for Indians, asians for asians, Jews for Jews. Blacks, Indians or asians would be upset if foreigners came to their countries and took jobs, opportunities and be upset if foreigners forced their way into the country illegally and bring higher level of violence. But if whites look out for white people or if whites are upset that their jobs and opportunities are being taken away by non white immigrants and illegal immigrants are bring higher levels of crime and violence, whites are labeled the bad guy and raycis. But if people belong to the black caucus or la raza or the Indian alliance then there is no problem.
Double standard.
Copied and re-pasted my comment from https://www.financialsamurai.com/silent-threats-in-the-night-charlottesville/
That’s not true at all. Over the years, I know Angola at least has had a huge influx of Portuguese, estimated at over 100 000. And in my African country, there are expats from Europe, North and South America working, even lecturing at universities. I work with quite a few. Admittedly the influx of immigrants from neighbouring African countries as well as India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and China to here is much greater.
I’d bet for most parents, the fear will never go away. As a parent of a 7 and 3 year old, I think about the future for my kids all of the time. Having perspective that they have nearly all that they NEED, and an awful lot that they want is comforting.
I recognize that not everyone is in the same situation.
I would add to your story, that many, many children will grow up to do great things, including some blue collar job: plumber, mechanic, delivery person, etc.
In fact, as time goes on, I think there will be great demand for qualified folks for these roles.
So, I’m comforted by the fact that if my kids don’t grow up to be a doctor or scholar, maybe they will be a plumber or such, and this is ok. Cheers. Tom
Thanks for pointing this post out, Sam! I enjoyed the read and the interesting conversation that unfolded in the comments. Admittedly, I might’ve missed this post because I don’t have any children of my own. However, I do have 3 younger brothers and the thought has crossed my mind that it would be nice to be able to provide jobs for them if I ever had the opportunity to do so. In regards to that comment about you being obsessed, that’s definitely a compliment. I have a lot of respect for your drive and consistency with this blog. Also, I really enjoyed the breakdown of the potential jobs that could be created. In a way, it provided a really good breakdown of the business of blogging. Thanks for sharing!
Sam – this is an interesting post. It is very interesting to see how your focus has changed since you’ve had a child. I have 3 little ones, and I feel like a different person since my first took her first breath of air. It truly changes you in every fundamental way, its like you suddenly realize your entire new life is ahead of you, and while everything in the past was great and unique etc. it has become somewhat trivial. Let me save you some trouble, you will never stop worrying about your child’s future, never. And that’s not a bad thing. My entire life now and almost all my thoughts revolve thinking around the safety, success, comfort, happiness and survival of my children. When I get injured or sick, my first thought is how will my kids suffer during the duration of my illness or injury. Will I be able to take them swimming or to the park today. I feel accountable for all my time away from my children, whether its work, exercise, meeting friends, Netflix etc. I consider whether the time would be better spent with them. So don’t beat yourself about this stuff, you will always be worried. The key IMO is to always seek balance. Yes, you should provide your kids with shelter, food, clothing, education but also with fun times, silliness, sharing your experiences, teaching them how to learn and love and care, and cultivate a healthy hunger for success (whatever that may mean) and knowledge. Yes, you can also give them too much, also known as helicopter/tiger/coddling parenting. You have to find the balance, and recalibrate constantly. There is no right answer. But there can be very very wrong answers at the extremes – I can assure you have that you will not be that parent!
WRT family business, I’ll chime in. I was never ever interested in doing what my dad did, although he was successful and a millionaire by 30 back in the 70s. I was somehow raised to be hungry regardless of my UMC upbringing, and wanted to forge my own way. I am thankful for being raised that way, intentionally or not. My other friends, coworkers, family, business acquaintances (100+ examples) who have had family business – I can’t think of a single example where the child joined their family business and can say that they feel truly accomplished in the way that one feels when one succeeds independently. It creates an insecurity that lives with you forever, and if you can be happy with that then that’s great. Many of the examples I know, were able to distance themselves from family business either immediately after graduation or a few years later. It is great that you are thinking of providing a family business alternative for your son, it is incredibly thoughtful of you. But don’t sweat it too much.
As a father to a 19 month old son, I’m already thinking ahead of how he would fare in school, develop independence, and standing up for himself. We as parents can do so much but in the end it will be up to the kid who makes that final decision.
Setting him up in a private school can feel secure less worrisome to some parents because they are paying all that money to send them over there but at the same time is it the right school for your kid?
I just want to have a strong relationship with my kid so he knows that he can always rely on us on whatever issues he may have.
Sounds like a great plan to me! A great relationship starts with being there for our children as much as possible.
Hey Sam,
Are you Ok if your son does not want to attend college? I was a little ticked when my youngest did not want to start after graduating. It is an epiphany when you realize they are NOT going to be you. Instead, he became a volunteer fire fighter and helps me remodel our rental properties. He wants to do full-time fire fighting but can’t until he is 21. Will gives him steady pay, health insurance, and a retirement plus plenty of down time for rentals as his side gig.
Have another kid, the stress is way lower with the second!
Hi Brad – I won’t be upset or disappointed so long as he knows what he wants to do, or actively tries to fulfill his dreams. If he decides to just goof off with the plan to live at home, I will kick his ass!
I do wonder though, what if the cost to attend university is $500,000 – $1,000,000 by 2040. Would it be too attempting to offer him the cash instead of going to college, so long as he gets an apprenticeship somewhere?
Why is having a second kid way lower in stress? I’m intrigued and have recently discussed the possibilities!
Thanks,
Sam
You overcome the learning curve and don’t obsess as much. Skinned knee, seen it before. Spilled drink in the car, no big deal. Plus the kids begin to entertain each other and take some of the immediacy out of parenting. Best way for them to learn to share. If I could do it all again, I would have 4-6 children.
On the university idea, I am not convinced that the expensive schools will continue to yield better opportunities. I believe (FWIW) that skills and not credentials will mean more in the future. If your son learns a trade such as construction, and you have that kind of money available to him, he could develop his own projects from the outset. Or, maybe even a smaller less expensive school. I agree, no living at home playing X Box.
Wow 4-6! What does your partner think? Does she agree? I feel is easy for me to say, but that’s because I don’t have to carry him for nine months and go through all the doctors visits, shots, sickness, postpartum depression and so forth.
I definitely think I will be less worried and neurotic with number two. But that is if he or she is healthy.
We are too old. Had a vasectomy reversal, but it didn’t work. Waiting on grand kids now, but she was on board.
Fatherhood can definitely drain your creativity and will to hustle. It can also help a lot if you’re just starting out and want to make the most for your little family. Your situation is probably very unique. You don’t really have to work or do anything. You could just focus on your child, wife and hot tub.
I think my children might not even have “jobs” in the traditional sense. They certainly won’t need much money. I doubt we’ll be paying a ton for them to go to a fancy school. I just want them to have grit, solve problems, and be a leader in their field. Who knows what that field will be: AI or machine learning maybe?? Something beyond that?
Keep writing Sam…people love your site and you put out great content.