In the good old days, several friends and I liked having beers after each softball game. We got to discussing what is the one ingredient necessary for achieving financial independence at a relatively early age.
Here were some of their responses:
- Saving aggressively
- Investing in stocks
- Investing in real estate
- Earning side income
- Taking bigger risks in our careers
- Leveraging the internet
- Working ungodly long hours
- Relocating to areas with huge job growth despite the higher cost of living
- Starting a business
Many of these ingredients are great for helping all of us achieve financial independence.
However, the #1 ingredient that drove me, which nobody mentioned, was FEAR. More specifically, the fear of failure.
Let me share some examples to explain what I mean. Then perhaps you can share your own in the comments section below.
The One Ingredient Necessary For Achieving Financial Independence
Fear is all around us, especially today. We fear getting a virus that currently has no vaccine. We fear losing money in our investments as the economy gets suppressed. Some of us even fear living a life full of regret.
Fear can be very debilitating if we let it overwhelm us. However, fear is also a fantastic motivator to improve your life as well. The key is to absorb just the right amount of fear to get going instead of keeping us paralyzed.
Here are all the examples where fear of failure played a huge role in my life. Perhaps fear of failure played a big role in your life as well. I’d love to hear your stories of how fear motivated you as well.
Childhood Expectations
My parents told me at an early age that academics was the main way to a better life because I wasn’t going to become a professional tennis player. They instilled in me a fear that if I was a C-student, I’d only be able to live a C-or-worse lifestyle.
Not only did I fear living a mediocre lifestyle as an adult, I also feared disappointing my parents. I was always getting into trouble as a kid. Each time I did, I saw the shame in their eyes. I finally stopped being a degenerate once I went to college.
Throughout my childhood, my parents worked long hours. I especially felt bad for my mother who didn’t particularly enjoy the foreign service work she did. Foreign service work was my father’s dream, not my mother’s.
My Dear Mother
I remember visiting my mother one day at the US Embassy in Kuala Lumpur as a surprise. I didn’t quite understand what she did, only that she worked in the cultural attaché department. She was always so chipper at work, and her colleagues always sang her praises. It felt like a wonderland to roam around the halls of what seemed like a fortress at the time.
When I arrived, she was tidying up the magazines on the coffee table. Instead of working in her own office, my mom worked in the reception area outside of her bosses big office. Oh, I got it now. Maybe foreign service work isn’t so great after all. I was 12 years old.
She told me how she had sacrificed her dream of becoming a biologist by foregoing a graduate scholarship from Duke University to marry my father. She still had what most would call a great adventure. But I knew deep down she will always wonder what could have been.
If my mother was going to give up her professional dreams for her children, I damn well wasn’t going to disappoint her!
Work Career
Working in the financial services industry from 1999-2012 always made me paranoid about losing my job. The industry is highly cyclical, which means during down cycles, there are always multiple rounds of layoffs. Without a job, I would feel like a failure. And without a steady paycheck, I wouldn’t be able to pay my mortgage on time.
The fear of being one of the thousands of people let go during the dotcom bust and the 2008 – 2009 financial crisis led me to work extra long hours. I needed to add as much value as possible to my firm. There was a lot of misery getting into the office by 5:30 am or getting berated by clients.
Whenever I felt miserable working at 11pm to catch my Asia-based colleagues, I always reminded myself of friends who had lost their jobs. Then I’d just gut it through one day at at time.
It wasn’t until I started listening to the lifestyles of other people working in other industries did I realize how abnormal was it to always be in fear of losing your job.
It was this perpetual fear and failure that made me save 50% – 80% of my paycheck every year. The fear made me figure out the best way to invest my money in order to one day generate enough passive income to confidently leave my job.
If I was comfortable at work, I’d ironically still be working.
Blog Life
I enjoy blogging. I really do. Every morning kind of feels like Christmas because it’s always so fun to read what other people have to say.
However, there’s really no good reason to continue publishing 3X a week anymore. Today’s posts reach 100X as many people as they once did 11 long years ago. But because I publicly made a commitment to write 3X a week, however, I feared being labeled as weak or dishonest if I don’t follow through.
You guys don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to just pass out at midnight, but forced myself to write a new article until 2:30 am just so I could meet my publishing objective.
I have this fear of letting you down, especially those of you who may be going through a difficult time financially. I remember how comforting it was to read and interact with other folks during the financial crisis.
Given we are going through the mother of all crises right now, I don’t want to abandon you now!
For the longest time, I’ve sent the message to never fail due to a lack of effort because hard work requires no skill. Therefore, if I stop working hard, then I’m just another hypocrite who doesn’t follow his own advice.
If you want to start a potentially life-changing blog, here is my step-by-step tutorial on how.
Modern Day Society
While I was working, it felt a little harder to get ahead when there was hardly anybody who looked like me in leadership positions. For example, I worked in Asian equities and for half my career, all my bosses and bosses’ bosses were white.
When I lived in various Asian countries growing up, I was the majority. Everything felt normal. But when I arrived in Virginia as a high school freshman, the contrasting reality of being a minority instead of a majority became clearly apparent.
Overnight, it seemed I had to address stereotypes, listen to racial slurs, and endure various forms of discrimination that I had never encountered while living in Taiwan, Malaysia, or Japan. You learn to just suck it up after a while and move forward.
I feared being pigeon holed as an Asian guy who was only an academic. Therefore, I worked extra hard on my athletics. I also went to a liberal arts school to become a more well-rounded person.
It took forever to get to 5.0 in tennis, but I was determined, even as a player with zero weapons. Now, I joke with my tennis buddies who poke fun of my ranking and say, “4.0 ability + 6.0 mind = 5.0 baby!”
I wasn’t going to let my minority status in America keep me from achieving the lifestyle I wanted. But growing up, I feared society would never let me be who I really wanted to become. I just wanted a chance.
Money
Ever since I lived in Malaysia as a 11-13 year old, I’ve been hyper aware of the haves and the have-nots. To see some of my friends live so poorly really wigged me out as a kid. I often questioned why life was so unfair for so many people.
As a result, I made a promise never to take any job or financial opportunity for granted. I wanted my kids to grow up being able to study and play rather than being forced to work to help support the family.
After you’ve achieved your retirement number, will you continue to work as hard? For most folks, I think they may decide to take things down a notch. For me, however, I’ve made it a priority to press on, like I’m starting over each year.
Growing up seeing poverty on a daily basis makes one afraid of losing everything one day. You’re always wondering when your luck will run out. And the longer you go without any unfortunate events, the more you brace yourself for cataclysmic disaster.
Physical Fitness
At age 43, my health is not as good as it once was. It seems like the asthma I had as a kid is making a comeback. My recent colds have gotten longer and harder to combat.
If you have dependents and liabilities, for the love of god, please get life insurance. Your health will eventually catch up to you, no matter how healthy your lifestyle. One of my regrets is not getting more affordable term life insurance before I had kids.
The one positive is that I still fit into my same 20+-year-old jeans. The reason why I haven’t let myself go is not due to pride or vanity. It is because I fear an earlier than normal death. My two young children are depending on me until they become adults.
A single friend once told me he enjoys food more than he enjoys the chance at a healthier life. “If I die early, so be it! I’m not going to deny myself my greatest pleasure just for the unknown chance of living until 90.”
This type of thinking is actually quite freeing. To not have anybody depend on you can be a great blessing.
However, as a parent, the #1 fear I have is not being able to live long enough to see my children grow up to be happy, independent adults. Therefore, regular exercise and not over-eating continue to be necessary habits. Who knows whether these two activities will extend my life. However, I want to give my best chance at survival.
Finally, knowing that COVID-19 is more damaging and deadlier for people who are overweight is a great motivator to try and stay in shape.
Comfort May Be Our Greatest Enemy
Perhaps one of the worst things that can happen to you is if you are born with everything.
Your parents are rich so you don’t appreciate money. You’re good looking, so you don’t work on your personality as much. The first job you ever had pays you well and allows you to only work from 9 – 5.
It is impossible to fully appreciate how good we have it if we don’t go through some suffering first. The longer our suffering, the more appreciative we will be.
We need a steady dose of uncertainty to keep us hungry. Therefore, in a way, perhaps this damn pandemic will motivate us to change some poor habits.
Harness Your Fears For A Better Life
As time passes, I’ve been able to be less fearful of failure. Academics, work, and societal fears are behind me now. It feels good not to be beholden to anyone. To speak your mind is a blessing.
The fear of not being a good blogger has also faded since I’m past my 10-year commitment. There’s nothing left to prove, at least online.
Interestingly, there’s still a bit of money fear because I’ve now got three people depending on me, instead of just myself. This fear is tempered through a proper net worth asset allocation, keeping expenses under control, and finding ways to earn supplemental income.
My main fear now is not being a good enough father. I pray I will always have the patience to teach my kids right from wrong. I hope I have the kindness to be encouraging, and never critical.
One day, maybe my children will tell me they couldn’t have asked for a better dad. But before that day comes, I must earn their love.
Don’t let fear paralyze you. Instead, use fear as motivation to do better. The fear in our heads is often greater than reality!
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I enjoyed reading this post and the comments! I agree with Sam about fear being a great motivator. For me, the fear of spending the best years of my life climbing the corporate ladder without having enough time to pursue interests that I find meaningful and fulfilling has motivated me to save more, invest more, build passive streams of income so that some day (well before typical retirement age) I will no longer have to depend on my job in the corporate world. Freedom of time is my ultimate goal!
When I look across our friends who are college educated, own their homes, have high paying jobs, healthy marriages, 1 or 2 kids, etc., there is only one thing that separates them from additional financial success/FIRE: Risk Aversion.
Most people are too conservative with their investments. Even though they understand historical returns and volatility or they’re “interested” in starting their own business or investing in real estate, most people never take meaningful steps to accomplish that goal. It’s scary to leave the safety of a steady paycheck or plunk down large sums of money that can be lost (even temporarily on paper).
These people are fairly well off and will have a comfortable retirement at 60 or 65, so I can’t really fault them for not taking additional risk. They will be better off than the vast number of retirees.
However, if we’re talking about average or low income earners, I don’t think the answer to the question is as simple as risk aversion or fear. There are too many factors to consider.
Sure. What are some factors and solutions?
All things being equal, overcoming one’s fears and embracing risk can be the difference between FIRE or not. However, life isn’t fair and people have varying levels of challenge. Many people have lot more challenges than simply overcoming fear:
1. Mental, emotional or physical disability. Some people have experienced severe trauma or respond to trauma in a more negative manner.
2. Divorce. Most of my friends have stable marriages; divorces are financially and emotionally draining.
3. Religious or cultural beliefs. Not everybody is raised with a focus on material success. Many cultures emphasize harmony and balance not continuous improvement.
4. Socio-economic factors. Every country has an oppressed class of people and barriers to elevating them.
I definitely agree with “use fear as motivation to do better”. Everyone can do better, but not everyone can achieve FIRE.
Much of our success is based on luck, as you’ve written in past posts. This luck includes where we’re born, what gifts or defects we possess, the color of skin, the quality of parents or mentors throughout our lives. So although I am successful beyond my expectations, driven in large part by fear, I place much greater weight on numerous other factors, including luck.
Indeed. Life happens. There are so many difficulties we must overcome and navigate through. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
ITA. This is why immigrants do well- fear. Americans know there is welfare, food stamps, Head Start etc.
The truth is a bit harder then that. Immigrants know welfare, but they also know where they come from and why they left and came to the US. They have drive and purpose, some can not go back and have to make it. They tend not to have a large social friend group to fall back on and they tend not to have rich parents that can catch them when they fall…..or simply put they have more drive.
Fear is the strongest emotion humans have and hence the biggest motivator. It is motivation that carries you forward, many Americans have lost motivation.
Search an article in NYT: what-drives-success
Interesting article along the same lines. The 3 ingredients of success: superiority complex, insecurity and impulse control. Strange combo but it works! It is the opposite of what the young generation is taught today…
Interesting. Superiority complex, as in thinking you are better than someone else, therefore, you need to prove it so?
I get impulse control… the marshmellow test and insecurity.
read the NYT article, it does make sense
Thank you, Sam, for a wonderful, insightful, post. Your writing skills are superb. I’ve been afraid much of my life. Rational fear has been a great asset: it drove me to college, encouraged me to join the United States Air Force for a career, and prompted me to invest early in rental property. Now, in my old age, I see many factors in my life story, but fear has been one of the most valuable.
Good post, Sam, still very applicable in this pandemic-driven world! I did not come from money and my Dad died a few days after I turned 12 and I started working all the time at 15 and ever since. I often find it useful to look at how far I have come and to conduct a thought experiment telling myself if I lost it all today, I could still go back and climb the mountain again. I would not have so much time left, but it provides a feeling of strength and resilence for me
Geoff