In the good old days pre-pandemic, several friends and I liked having beers after each softball game. We got to discussing what is the one ingredient necessary for achieving financial independence at a relatively early age.
Here were some of their responses:
- Saving aggressively
- Investing in stocks
- Investing in real estate
- Earning side income
- Taking bigger risks in our careers
- Leveraging the internet
- Working ungodly long hours
- Relocating to areas with huge job growth despite the higher cost of living
- Starting a business
Many of these ingredients are great for helping all of us achieve financial independence.
However, the #1 ingredient that drove me, which nobody mentioned, was FEAR. More specifically, the fear of failure. The more you fear something bad happening to you, the more you take action to make sure it doesn’t come true.
Let me share some examples to explain what I mean. Then perhaps you can share your own in the comments section below.
The One Ingredient Necessary For Achieving Financial Independence
Fear is all around us, especially today. We fear getting a virus that incapacitates us. We fear losing money in our investments when the economy goes into a recession. Some of us even fear living a life full of regret.
Fear can be very debilitating if we let it overwhelm us. However, fear is also a fantastic motivator to improve your life as well. The key is to absorb just the right amount of fear to get going instead of keeping us paralyzed.
Here are all the examples where fear of failure played a huge role in my life. Perhaps fear of failure played a big role in your life as well.
Childhood Expectations
My parents told me at an early age that academics was the main way to a better life because I wasn’t going to become a professional tennis player. They instilled in me a fear that if I was a C-student, I’d only be able to live a C-or-worse lifestyle.
Not only did I fear living a mediocre lifestyle as an adult, I also feared disappointing my parents. I was always getting into trouble as a kid. Each time I did, I saw the shame in their eyes. I finally stopped being a degenerate once I went to college.
Throughout my childhood, my parents worked long hours. I especially felt bad for my mother who didn’t particularly enjoy the work she did in the U.S. Foreign Service. Foreign service work was my father’s dream, not my mother’s.
My Dear Mother
I remember visiting my mother one day at the US Embassy in Kuala Lumpur as a surprise. I didn’t quite understand what she did, only that she worked in the cultural attaché department. She was always so chipper at work, and her colleagues always sang her praises. It felt like a wonderland to roam around the halls of what seemed like a fortress at the time.
When I arrived, she was tidying up the magazines on the coffee table. Instead of working in her own office, my mom worked in the reception area outside of her bosses big office. Oh, I got it now. My mother was the assistant. Maybe foreign service work isn’t so great after all. I was 12 years old.
She told me how she had sacrificed her dream of becoming a biologist by foregoing a graduate scholarship from Duke University to marry my father. She still had what most would call a great adventure, working around the world. But I knew deep down she will always wonder what could have been.
If my mother was going to give up her professional dreams for her children, I damn well wasn’t going to disappoint her!
Growing A Career
Working in the financial services industry from 1999-2012 always made me paranoid about losing my job. The industry is highly cyclical, which means during down cycles, there are always multiple rounds of layoffs. Without a job, I would feel like a failure. And without a steady paycheck, I wouldn’t be able to pay my mortgage on time.
The fear of being one of the thousands of people let go during the dotcom bust and the 2008 – 2009 financial crisis led me to work extra long hours. I needed to add as much value as possible to my firm. There was a lot of misery getting into the office by 5:30 am and getting berated by clients.
Whenever I felt miserable working at 11pm to catch my Asia-based colleagues, I always reminded myself of friends who had lost their jobs. Then I’d just gut it through one day at at time.
It wasn’t until I started listening to the lifestyles of other people working in other industries did I realize how abnormal it was to always be in fear of losing your job.
It was this perpetual fear and failure that made me save 50% – 80% of my paycheck every year. The fear made me figure out the best way to invest my money in order to one day generate enough passive income to confidently leave my job.
If I was comfortable at work, I’d ironically still be working.
Sustaining A Successful Financial Website
I enjoy blogging. I really do. Every morning kind of feels like Christmas because it’s always so fun to read what other people have to say.
However, there’s really no good reason to continue publishing 3X a week anymore. Today’s posts reach 100X as many people as they once did in 2009. But because I publicly made a commitment to write 3X a week, however, I feared being labeled as weak or dishonest if I don’t follow through.
You guys don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to just pass out at midnight, but forced myself to write a new article until 2:30 am just so I could meet my publishing objective.
I have this fear of letting you down, especially those of you who may be going through a difficult time financially. I remember how comforting it was to read and interact with other folks during the financial crisis.
Although life got more difficult for our family one the pandemic hit in March 2020, I decided to soldier on with my writing schedule. If I felt uncertain and nervous about an unknown future, surely, others in the Financial Samurai community did as well.
For the longest time, I’ve sent the message to never fail due to a lack of effort because hard work requires no skill. Therefore, if I stop working hard, then I’m just another hypocrite who doesn’t follow his own advice.
Modern Day Society
While I was working, it felt a little harder to get ahead when there was hardly anybody who looked like me in leadership positions. For example, I worked in Asian equities and for half my career, all my bosses and bosses’ bosses were white.
When I lived in various Asian countries growing up, I was the majority. Everything felt normal. But when I arrived in Virginia as a high school freshman in 1991, the contrasting reality of being a minority instead of a majority became apparent.
Overnight, it seemed I had to address stereotypes, listen to racial slurs, and endure various forms of discrimination that I had never encountered while living in Taiwan, Malaysia, or Japan. You learn to just suck it up after a while and move forward. However, dealing with rational conflicts gets extremely annoying after a while.
I feared being pigeon holed as an Asian guy who was only an academic. Therefore, I worked extra hard on my athletics. I also went to a liberal arts school to become a more well-rounded person.
It took forever to get to 5.0 in tennis, but I was determined, even as a player with zero weapons. Now, I joke with my tennis buddies who poke fun of my ranking. They clearly don’t believe I belong at the 5.0 level, despite the computer algorithm keeping me there since 2016. Now, my favorite retort is, “I’ve got 4.0 ability with a 6.0 mind baby!”
I wasn’t going to let being a minority in America keep me from achieving the lifestyle I wanted. But growing up, I feared society would never let me be who I really wanted to become. I just wanted a chance.
Having Enough Money
Ever since I lived in Malaysia as a 11-13 year old, I’ve been hyper aware of the haves and the have-nots. To see some of my friends live so poorly really wigged me out as a kid. I often questioned why life was so unfair for so many people.
As a result, I made a promise never to take any job or financial opportunity for granted. I wanted my kids to grow up being able to study and play rather than being forced to work to help support the family.
After you’ve achieved your retirement number, will you continue to work as hard? For most folks, I think they may decide to take things down a notch.
For me, however, I’ve made it a priority to press on, like I’m starting over each year. But this relentless focus on trying to make more money since the pandemic began has worn me out.
Growing up seeing poverty on a daily basis makes one afraid of losing everything one day. You’re always wondering when your luck will run out. And the longer you go without any unfortunate events, the more you brace yourself for cataclysmic disaster.
If I had grown up with a lot of money, I’m not sure I would have worked as hard. Then again, those who were born rich have the ability to take more risks than the rest of us.
Physical Fitness
At age 44, my health is not as good as it once was. It seems like the asthma I had as a kid is slowly making a comeback. My colds have gotten longer and harder to combat.
If you have dependents and liabilities, for the love of god, please get life insurance. Your health will eventually catch up to you, no matter how healthy your lifestyle. One of my regrets is not getting more affordable term life insurance before I had kids.
The one positive is that I still fit into my same 20+-year-old jeans. The reason why I haven’t let myself go is not so much due to pride or vanity. I try to stay fit because I fear an earlier than normal death. My two young children are depending on me until they become adults.
A single friend once told me he enjoys food more than he enjoys the chance at a healthier life. “If I die early, so be it! I’m not going to deny myself my greatest pleasure just for the unknown chance of living until 90.”
This type of thinking is actually quite freeing. To not have anybody depend on you can be a great blessing. To not care how you look to other people is also amazing.
However, as a parent, the #1 fear I have is not being able to live long enough to see my children grow up to be happy, independent adults. Therefore, regular exercise and not over-eating continue to be necessary habits. Who knows whether these two activities will extend my life. However, I want to give my best chance at survival by being more risk-averse with my health.
Comfort May Be Our Greatest Enemy For Achieving Financial Independence
Perhaps one of the worst things that can happen to you is if you are born with everything.
Your parents are rich so you don’t appreciate money. You’re good looking, so you don’t work on your personality as much. The first job you ever had pays you well and allows you to only work from 9 – 5.
It is impossible to fully appreciate how good we have it if we don’t go through some suffering first. The longer our suffering, the more appreciative we will be.
We need a steady dose of uncertainty to keep us hungry. Therefore, in a way, perhaps this damn pandemic will motivate us to change some poor habits. Motivation is so important for building wealth and staying healthy.
I remember as soon as I paid off one rental property mortgage in 2015, my motivation to hustle went away. I decided to drop all my consulting clients, travel through Asia for 8 weeks, then go to NYC to watch the US Open for 2 weeks! It’s funny that the biggest downside to paying off a mortgage isn’t the opportunity cost of making more money elsewhere.
Harness Your Fears For A Better Life
As time passes, I’ve been able to be less fearful of failure. Academics, work, and societal fears are behind me now. It feels good not to be beholden to anyone. To speak your mind is a blessing.
The fear of not being a good blogger has also faded since I’m past my 10-year commitment. There’s nothing left to prove, at least online.
Money fear still persists because I’ve now got three people depending on me, instead of just myself. This fear is tempered through a proper net worth asset allocation, keeping expenses under control, and finding ways to earn supplemental income.
My main fear now is not being a good enough father. I pray I will always have the patience to teach my kids right from wrong. I hope I have the kindness to be encouraging, and never critical.
One day, maybe my children might tell me they couldn’t have asked for a better dad. But before that day comes, I must earn their love.
Don’t let fear paralyze you. Instead, use fear as motivation to do better. The fear in our heads is often greater than reality!
Achieve Financial Independence Through Real Estate
Real estate is my favorite way to achieving financial independence because it is a tangible asset that is less volatile, provides utility, and generates income. By the time I was 30, I had bought two properties in San Francisco and one property in Lake Tahoe. These properties now generate a significant amount of mostly passive income.
In 2016, I started diversifying into heartland real estate to take advantage of lower valuations and higher cap rates. I did so by investing $810,000 with real estate crowdfunding platforms. With interest rates down, the value of cash flow is up. Further, the pandemic has made working from home more common.
Take a look at my two favorite real estate crowdfunding platforms. Both are free to sign up and explore.
Fundrise: A way for accredited and non-accredited investors to diversify into real estate through private eFunds. Fundrise has been around since 2012 and has consistently generated steady returns, no matter what the stock market is doing. For most people, investing in a diversified eREIT is the way to go.
CrowdStreet: A way for accredited investors to invest in individual real estate opportunities mostly in 18-hour cities. 18-hour cities are secondary cities with lower valuations, higher rental yields, and potentially higher growth due to job growth and demographic trends. If you have a lot more capital, you can build you own diversified real estate portfolio.
Read The Best Book On Achieving Financial Independence
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Building wealth is only a part of the equation. Consistently making optimal decisions on some of life’s biggest dilemmas is the other. My book helps you minimize regret and live a more purposeful life as you build more passive income.
You can buy a copy on Amazon today. The richest people in the world are always reading and always learning new things. Learn from those who are already where you want to go.
Stay On Top Of Your Finances
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In addition to better money oversight, run your investments through their award-winning Investment Checkup tool. I will show you exactly how much you are paying in fees. I was paying $1,700 a year in fees I had no idea I was paying.
After you link all your accounts, use their Retirement Planning calculator. It pulls your real data to give you as pure an estimation of your financial future as possible using Monte Carlo simulation algorithms. Definitely run your numbers to see how you’re doing.
I’ve been using Personal Capital since 2012. In this time, I have seen my net worth skyrocket thanks to better money management.
To sign up for my private free newsletter, join 50,000+ others, and click here. I’ve been helping people achieve financial independence since 2009.
Related posts on achieving financial independence:
Perpetual Failure: The Reason Why I Save So Much
The Ultimate Source Of Financial Security: A Strong Mind
Sam,
Thanks for writing this post. I think the more we as a culture face our fears, the better off we will be. All too often, we don’t challenge ourselves to take risks, and it leads to mediocracy. One thing I would add is that for me, determination drove me to achieve FIRE. I wanted it so badly that I would not let anything get in its way, so I made it a reality.
I came to the same conclusion a few years ago. I termed it “Productive Anxiety”. I focus on what I’m worried about; finances, health, or home maintenance. Then I ask myself what steps I could take to battle that worry. Then I pick some small “win” like upping retirement savings 1%, swapping out junk food lunches for salads at work etc…
Over time these incremental changes have led to better habits and I’m at a 50%+ savings rate, good health, solid house, and a healthy position to retire in my 40s.
It really is using the “weakness” of an anxious mind and Judo-flipping it into an engine for success.
Judo-flipping it into engine for success indeed!
For example, so many folks are now up in arms over food inflation. But how about using higher prices as a way to eat less and eat differently? Getting mad isn’t going to solve any problems. Personally, I’m going to practice intermittent fasting and/or eat only a piece of fruit until 12noon, until food inflation gets back down to 3%. Might even lose some weight! :)
Sam,
Thanks for all your articles- especially during this pandemic. You’ve written many helpful and relatable articles in these past years. These articles are like a personal finance bible to me.
Cheers!
You’re welcome! It’s been a pleasure to reflect, write, and serve during this time of uncertainty. It has also helped me think things through more clearly as well. Thanks for reading and sharing!
Becoming a parent is certainly a game-changer. My best wishes for the most important job in the world: being a great hubby and parent.
Thanks! And you too. Once a parent, it’s easy to focus on what to do every day: take care of your children. There is no more boredom or lack of purpose anymore.
The best work in anyone’s life comes from inspiration, not from fear. After nearing financial freedom my goal has been Personal Freedom first and foremost, and oddly, that has attracted more professional success than ever before.
Here’s to inspiring your readers to follow zero-fear goals!
I wonder what I could have done if I grew up not seeing so much poverty and having a really easy childhood with no school suspensions and run-ins with the law etc.
Perhaps you can share more about growing up without fear of failure and what your financial situation is now at what age?
You might enjoy this post: Confessions Of A Spoiled Rich Kid
My dad lost his job when I was 5 and my mom was an administrative assistant her whole life. While they combined only made $40,000 per year, we didn’t feel poor. I still had family living in the inner city Chicago and life for them was so much worse. So, I like Sam always feared to do better. Even after 20 years of working and a $7M net worth, I fear it is not enough, so it keeps me humble and working hard. Maybe I relax at $10M, but now I am still focused and fearful.
Any color on how you made it to $7M of net worth after 20 years of working? The S&P returned 7.41% annually from 2000 to 2020. Assuming you started with no significant net worth when you started working, you’d have to be saving $150k annually on average to go from $0 to $7M in that time.
I totally get where you are coming from and can relate to much of what you said. However, I might alter your thesis just a bit re: the role fear plays in achieving financial independence.
To my way of thinking, fear can be a great motivator to achievement but it is not the driving emotion for people becoming FI. The reason? People who are truly fearful are not risk-takers. In general, they don’t start businesses, they don’t buy homes, they don’t invest in stocks and they minimize all risk whenever possible. Why, because of fear, not necessarily in spite of it. My parents were like this. They were hard-working and wanted to achieve through their efforts but they were conservative and slightly mistrusting of anything that appeared to them to be too good to be true. They both came from poor families and carried a certain scarcity mentality. They eventually did achieve FI but solely from frugal spending and investing only in CDs and money market funds.
My point is that fear absolutely plays a role in our motivation but to tie it to “the one necessary ingredient that drives financial independence”, at least for me, doesn’t quite hit the mark.
Perhaps it’s a spectrum then. Truly fearful people who end up not taking action are the minority. And if they do achieve a comfortable financial situation, it is likely during a conventional retirement age after 60.
So for early financial independence, there has to be an inherit drive.
If you are coming at it from the perspective of FIRE then I see your point. My main focus was always on the “FI” part and never on the “RE” part. I think that is just inherent in my baby boomer genes ;)
Although, I did retire at 57 but that was more out of fate than from the desired plan. The good news is we were financially prepared for it even though it wasn’t anticipated.
Gotcha. Yes. For example, fear of dying early may motivate you to retire early to enjoy more of your life.
Your post is coming up BTW!
Samurai, the fear that you reference is one that I also suffer from. I have this irrational fear that has grown exponentially since having children that at any minute, we may be out on the streets. We do okay, mortgage is paid off, max out 401K, contribute monthly to 529, invest in after tax IRA using dollar cost averaging, and are engaged with crowdfunding (due to diligently reading your site). Over time though, I have noticed that the fear is gradually setting into a steady state of “unease” which I’ve found is a happy medium to keep on keeping on. While going through your fear and using it to produce quality content, please know that what you produce on this site has provided me and my family a blueprint to channel the fear into meaningful and actionable steps to provide us with a financial safety blanket. Hopefully, the knowledge that you are helping countless others will be just as much of a motivation for you to continue producing quality content on this site.
Great article, I agree, fear is one of the biggest motivator. Perhaps the ONE. I do think there is a complementary motivator: the desire to move towards a concrete goal. When I was 14 years old, I saw a movie where Einstein was discussing with other scientists in his garden in Princeton. At that point, I knew that’s what I wanted to do: being with other scientists in an Ivy League environment and discussing science. Low and behold, I just gave it my all, and made it to Princeton without really planning to go there. I just had that picture of Einstein in his garden in my mind.
Something else: check out Tennis Troll Channel on YT. If you are a 5.0, you might as well just play a game on his channel. Money raised goes towards a good cause, and you’ll spread the word about this webpage.
Sam, I have never commented before but this article really touched me and I want to say that I regularly read your posts and I have learned so much from you. Keep up the good work.
Hi Milena, I appreciate your readership! Thank you
Hey Sam, thank you for writing another well written article. I don’t think you should hold yourself to absolutely writing 3x per week when it sometimes means staying up till 2:30am even though your body is telling you to get some rest. It’s noble of you to honor your commitment to write a certain amount of times every week but if it’s affecting your health, then it will also start affecting your happiness and other aspects of life. I believe the first requirement of happiness is to have a healthy body to enjoy life. If you have $100MM but poor health, it’s going to affect your quality of life and you may be much less happy then the middle-income person who prioritizes good health. Just my 2 cents.
I enjoyed reading this post and the comments! I agree with Sam about fear being a great motivator. For me, the fear of spending the best years of my life climbing the corporate ladder without having enough time to pursue interests that I find meaningful and fulfilling has motivated me to save more, invest more, build passive streams of income so that some day (well before typical retirement age) I will no longer have to depend on my job in the corporate world. Freedom of time is my ultimate goal!
When I look across our friends who are college educated, own their homes, have high paying jobs, healthy marriages, 1 or 2 kids, etc., there is only one thing that separates them from additional financial success/FIRE: Risk Aversion.
Most people are too conservative with their investments. Even though they understand historical returns and volatility or they’re “interested” in starting their own business or investing in real estate, most people never take meaningful steps to accomplish that goal. It’s scary to leave the safety of a steady paycheck or plunk down large sums of money that can be lost (even temporarily on paper).
These people are fairly well off and will have a comfortable retirement at 60 or 65, so I can’t really fault them for not taking additional risk. They will be better off than the vast number of retirees.
However, if we’re talking about average or low income earners, I don’t think the answer to the question is as simple as risk aversion or fear. There are too many factors to consider.
Sure. What are some factors and solutions?
All things being equal, overcoming one’s fears and embracing risk can be the difference between FIRE or not. However, life isn’t fair and people have varying levels of challenge. Many people have lot more challenges than simply overcoming fear:
1. Mental, emotional or physical disability. Some people have experienced severe trauma or respond to trauma in a more negative manner.
2. Divorce. Most of my friends have stable marriages; divorces are financially and emotionally draining.
3. Religious or cultural beliefs. Not everybody is raised with a focus on material success. Many cultures emphasize harmony and balance not continuous improvement.
4. Socio-economic factors. Every country has an oppressed class of people and barriers to elevating them.
I definitely agree with “use fear as motivation to do better”. Everyone can do better, but not everyone can achieve FIRE.
Much of our success is based on luck, as you’ve written in past posts. This luck includes where we’re born, what gifts or defects we possess, the color of skin, the quality of parents or mentors throughout our lives. So although I am successful beyond my expectations, driven in large part by fear, I place much greater weight on numerous other factors, including luck.
Indeed. Life happens. There are so many difficulties we must overcome and navigate through. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
ITA. This is why immigrants do well- fear. Americans know there is welfare, food stamps, Head Start etc.
The truth is a bit harder then that. Immigrants know welfare, but they also know where they come from and why they left and came to the US. They have drive and purpose, some can not go back and have to make it. They tend not to have a large social friend group to fall back on and they tend not to have rich parents that can catch them when they fall…..or simply put they have more drive.
Fear is the strongest emotion humans have and hence the biggest motivator. It is motivation that carries you forward, many Americans have lost motivation.
Search an article in NYT: what-drives-success
Interesting article along the same lines. The 3 ingredients of success: superiority complex, insecurity and impulse control. Strange combo but it works! It is the opposite of what the young generation is taught today…
Interesting. Superiority complex, as in thinking you are better than someone else, therefore, you need to prove it so?
I get impulse control… the marshmellow test and insecurity.
read the NYT article, it does make sense
Thank you, Sam, for a wonderful, insightful, post. Your writing skills are superb. I’ve been afraid much of my life. Rational fear has been a great asset: it drove me to college, encouraged me to join the United States Air Force for a career, and prompted me to invest early in rental property. Now, in my old age, I see many factors in my life story, but fear has been one of the most valuable.
Good post, Sam, still very applicable in this pandemic-driven world! I did not come from money and my Dad died a few days after I turned 12 and I started working all the time at 15 and ever since. I often find it useful to look at how far I have come and to conduct a thought experiment telling myself if I lost it all today, I could still go back and climb the mountain again. I would not have so much time left, but it provides a feeling of strength and resilence for me
Geoff
Well said Sam because for me the fear is “poverty consciousness” that drives me daily. It seemed like not too many years ago(it was actually well over 20 plus now and thank you Lord) I didn’t have a credit card that would be accepted or a bill that wasn’t an Everest to overcome. Now, live WAY below your means and make more in Passive income than you could for 5 years of work!
Great read. What about dedication? My husband was very dedicated to the numbers and achieving FIRE (which we did this year!).
-Tara of Four Take Flight
Sure, grit and perseverance is a big one. However, it’s easy to lose dedication and motivation after a while. Fear of failure helped me keep going for now 11+ years with FS.
GL on your path! Dedication is great and something I hope to teach my children :)
Hi Sam, You touched on so many of the same feelings I have… and I totally agree that fear can be a huge motivator. Supposedly your brain has the same physiological reaction to fear as it does to excitement – it cannot tell the difference. So whenever I feel overwhelmed and scared, I stop and tell myself that I’m actually super excited about what’s going on. It helps me suppress any urges to flee.
Great way to turn it around! I’ll try it too.
For some reason, I don’t back down from scary things. I like the challenge and I don’t mind confrontation. It was probably due to this one incident when I was a kid in Malaysia.
It was the sixth braid and I had just got these new pair of Reebok shoes. I was at a friends house with maybe eight other kids. This one spoiled kid got a spear and stuck it through my brand new shoe. I was devastated.
Instead of trying to fight him or shy away, I just asked him why did he do that? And he said I don’t know. It was then that I realized confrontation is OK and to talk things out is also OK. A lot of people do things for no good reason.
But there’s also a story behind why people do bad things as well. This is some thing I’m most interested in as a writer.
I think you are fortunate to have learned such a valuable lesson so young in life. :)
Thanks for sharing. I always felt what drove me was the desire to get away from where I was from, but I think the way you described it as fear makes sense. Unfortunately for us who were motivated by fear, we took less risks early on because of that fear. Do you regret not taking more risk early on? Many of my colleagues felt secure right out of college and took off and started their own businesses, but I could never have done that because of my fear.
Hi Sam,
As always, it’s great reading your posts. They are very transparent and informational. I’ve learned a lot from your writing and also inspired me to start my own blog.
Not having fear can be great too. Knowing that you have a financial safety net (parents, in-laws, etc.) allows you to take risks; like moving to a new town after college, starting a business, or accepting a position at a start-up.
Hi Sam,
I am not so sure whether fear makes you a better person. One thing for sure. It makes more sense to be happy at all times. Fear can be distressing and not good for faint-hearted.
My sense worth of views.
WTK
Any tips on how to be happy all the time?
Here are my thoughts on the happiness conundrum.
All the time is impossible, but:
Reflect on what you have. If you’re reading this, you’ve probably got it much better than most on this planet. Never mind compared to historically! It’s good to practice gratitude.
Reflect on what could come to pass. I could die alone in a month hooked up to a respirator. That’s unfortunate, but nobody lives forever. I could lose my job and my house. We’d live somewhere, even if it’s a crummy apartment. A child could die. I’d never get over that, but life would continue. Don’t obsess, but just acknowledge these realities. You can’t make the possibilities go away. But if you don’t acknowledge them they can fester in your subconscious.
Don’t seek out sorrow. Watch your news consumption. I like to stay informed on things like the coronavirus. But occasionally I’d catch myself obsessing, just reading and reading and reading. Then I’d get away from the screen for a while.
The flip side is, you’re right, I’m not on track for early financial independence. At 35, I’ve got about $500K networth. But a surprise 3rd child in on the way, and that’s a lot of college expenses. I could save more, work harder, get more side hustles in. But I don’t have fear driving me. I try to set myself for success, but balanced against enjoying life.
Congrats! Sounds like you have found a great balance.
Balance is something I strive to achieve, however it is quite elusive as I see so much opportunity all the time. It’s like seeing through the Matrix in a way.
I know the math, and there is opportunity so I feel I must take it.
It might just be the way you’re wired? Some people find joy in hunting down opportunities. Being successful becomes part of their identity. Especially when you get to the super rich, it’s clearly not about any objective cost/benefit analysis: They keep working hard because they either love it, or they have some deep-seeded daddy issue they can’t resolve.
Sometimes balance is one of those things we feel like we ‘should want’. Or that we ‘should’ love spending more time with the children. But at a certain point, you’re simultaneously bored and overwhelmed. Nothing wrong with liking the hustle.
If you legitimately do want better balance, though, you might be ignoring the costs in your time cost/benefit analysis. Like, if you saw a crazy deal on a rental property: You might profit $300K over the lifetime of the project. Tangibly, that would be X (2 amazing vacations, and more inheritance for the kids?). You’d get some excitement closing the deal, cashing the checks. Some extra peace of mind, perhaps. And on the flip side, you’d have potential stresses: eviction proceedings? Risk of unexpected costs when the foundation cracks? Many hours spent talking with potential tenants, plumbers, etc. etc. Especially when you’re already busy and well-off, losing more precious hours sometimes isn’t worth the reward.
Exactly. It’s all about having time to do what I want, which is why I retired at 34. I’m currently playing with my boy on a Monday morning instead of working. He is playing with my lip balm and I just shouted,
“What are you doing with my lip balm that’s for the lips like this“ lol. Picked it up during voice dictation.
I just didn’t find happiness in work anymore, and now that I have kids, there’s no way I would choose work over kids. So in this regard, you are lucky to have found work that you like enough to spend more time working during the weekdays.
You and I were born to childhoods of anxiety and fear. I don’t think how we got it matters. It doesn’t matter how we caught a cold. We have a cold. I am 71. I have more money than time.
The sad reality for me is the anxiety and fear never disappears. I still have panic attacks. I wish I did not have this childhood more than I wish for money.
This isn’t a poor me post. Parents can damage children beyond repair. You want to be a good father? Play with your children.
I haven’t had a panic attack yet. However, I’ve definitely felt anxiety when there is maximum uncertainty, like in April 2020. Writing helps keep me cool, which is why I enjoy the process.
Thanks for the tip! I guess I’m a good father than because I’ve been a stay at home father since Spring 2017 and plan to continue for the indefinite future. It’s fun to play with my kids and be there for them. It’s b/c I want to be there for them that I don’t want to go back to work until they don’t want to hang out anymore.
Sam, I’ve been a reader since 2012 I think.
Thank you for staying on your writing schedule for your readership all of these years.
You rock and I’ve told my wife you’re like our pseudo opt-in ‘financial advisor’ since we are similar place in life with kids, real estate,etc.
I’m proud to sport the financial Samurai logo when I’m out and about and with friends. You have the best personal finance content hands down. Looking forward to your next post.
Thank you Sam,
John
As an asthmatic 64 year old 4.0 tennis player, who didn’t understand you at first, I’m sorry for that. You are real and genuine, and you have a voice that is so strong and true. It’s no wonder you have such an audience. You speak truth that was hard earned. I’m a 4.0 with no obvious talent except a relentless desire to compete. Dude, you are better than me in all measurable aspects, but I think I get you after reading all your posts. That vulnerability you display is impressive. Even dull witted engineers like me can pick up on sincerity. Admiration.
Howdy Steve – No need to apologize at all. I don’t remember a time when you were offensive or anything.
4.0 level is great! Lots of fun playing competitively at that level. I started at 4.0 when I first started playing USTA league tennis circa 2008. But I got DQed 5 matches in… and lost all my wins! That sucked as that hurt the time. I had no idea my level and just joined a team.
4.5 level is really fun too, but a lot more arguments. Some really big egos I’ve found. Whereas 4.0 is more friendly competition.
At 5.0… the egos seem to fade b/c almost everyone played college tennis and don’t feel like they have to prove themselves.
Glad you’re out there playing! I’m playing 2X a week and it feels good. No doubles though due to the virus.
Passion is the one ingredient necessary for achieving FI.
Without this necessary ingredient, it will be painful!
F.E.A.R.
Forget everything and run
or
Face everything and rise
Being aware or at an elevated state of awareness is good. Being fearful gives way to flight or fight. Being afraid can be paralyzing.
Nice acronyms! I like Face Everything And Rise. Why not.
In my experience people tend to show their strongest side when they are backed into a corner (figuratively).
I must have missed this article several years back Sam. Thank you for being open and transparent. This is why I love personal finance, because in the end it’s so personal – right? It’s kind of your origin story of why you do what you do. I think everyone’s origin story is different. I grew up in Southern California and was very comfortable with being from my ancestral country, and American and part of the collective Asian-American. I met Mr. Plastic Picker in Boston, and after we had kids – I realized that having them grow up where there wasn’t as strong as an Asian community was going to influence who they would become, and how comfortable they would be with their identity, their ability to self-love. We purposefully moved back to Southern California because I didn’t want my children to be one of the few Asian kids or feel uncomfortable with themselves – if that makes any sense. Anyway, now that they are teenagers I’m really glad we did. They are growing up in a very diverse and multicultural area, and our son in particular is proud to be American and mixed Asian-American. I feel like he can go live anywhere now and his foundation will be strong in his own cultural identitiy.
Sure, no problem! I hoping my kids read this post one day after I’m gone.
Your situation makes me think about this post: The Importance Of Feeling Consistently Uncomfortable For Personal Growth. It discusses my thoughts of moving away from a diverse community like San Francisco and not going to Honolulu, where it is equally diverse, and moving back to Virginia to face more racial hardship.
A certain amount of hardship is very helpful. It’s just hard as a parent to purposefully put your children in an uncomfortable position to grow. The knee-jerk reaction is to try and help our kids out with everything.
I grew up in a lower middle income family in the rural south. I saw abject poverty first hand through others in the local community that didn’t work as hard in school or manage their money effectively. I was scared to death to ever have to live that way and it helped shape the person I am today.
As a blind individual, I have to work twice as hard to keep up with sighted peers. Sometimes I’m afraid of getting lazy and falling behind. If I fall behind, I can’t provide for a future family, and if I can’t provide for a future family, then I can’t prove to myself that I am someone worthy of respect. Then I remember I fought for and earned a secure job. My first marriage did not work out, but I am already reestablishing a solid financial base. Fear is a great motivator, but we ought not let it distort those things we have already done well for ourselves. Keep up the great work!
You keep fighting too Joe! What are some devices you use to help you see the screen better over laptop, tablet, and phone?
I don’t think most people know that being blind doesn’t mean automatically not seeing anything. It’s having a best corrected visual acuity (BCVA) of 20/200 or worse folks!
Joe, if you ever want to tell your story in a guest post on Financial Samurai, please let me know.
Yes, being blind does not automatically mean you can’t see anything. I’m pretty much the real deal: guide dog, Braille, inability to see facial expressions… In answer to your question, I use screen reading software to navigate Windows, Android, and iOS. I encounter a number of social hurdles in order to be taken seriously. I was married to a sighted spouse, and as long as we’re talking about fears, going back out on my own as a blind person was a daunting prospect. If I lost my job, it’s not like I can just walk down the street and get a temporary job flipping burgers. I can flip burgers with the best of them, but no one would trust me working in their restaurant. I moved out though, for both our sakes, and even though there are moments of self-doubt, blogs like yours have helped keep me trucking forward.
I am so grateful you keep pumping out content even when it is the last thing you want to do. I agree with Pamela’s comment below. Your writing should absolutely make it into high school curriculums. Your work ethic keeps beginner bloggers like myself motivated to keep pushing.
Thank you for the offer to share my story in your blog, a high honor indeed. Let me study your blog a little longer and see if I can spin up something worthy of your website and equally beneficial to my fellow subscribers.
Fear is totally a motivating factor. Growing up I witnessed my parents failure at managing their finances. I feared growing up and not having them to help me out. So I knew I had to study hard in school and pick a career path that would enable me to be financially independent. Fortunately they helped pay for half of my college tuition, which I’ve paid back to them now, so I was able to get a degree and launch off on my own. Great post!
It is interesting how parental failure can help motivate us to do things not to end up like them. At the same time, great model parents can also motivate us to be like them.
I guess it’s the way we choose to perceive the world!
Thanks for your commitment to consistently creating quality content. I thoroughly appreciate it and it’s helped drive my decisions in pursuit of financial independence.
As I reflect on your post, fear plus action or motivation or whatever you might call it helps you progress. In uncomfortably embracing and dealing with fear at various stages in my life was when I was able to grow and be recognized for what I did. This helped me become successful at work and in life.
Thanks again for your post and posts.
-greg
No problem Greg. Thanks for reading and sharing my work.
We’ve got to take action. Smell the fear and do it anyway!
I love your posts…your honesty, your friendly writing style and the useful information. Your posts should be included in a financial literacy course for junior high/high school students.
A couple of quotes come to mind in response to your comments regarding your fears.
1. This quote is included in Danielle Laporte’s (check her out…she is pretty cool) great quotes post:
The greater the artist, the greater the doubt.
Perfect confidence is granted to the less talented
as a consolation prize.
—Robert Hughes, art critic
2. The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.
— Bertrand Russell
Regarding being a good father:
7 Things every child needs to hear:
1. I love you.
2. I am proud of you.
3. I’m sorry.
4. I forgive you.
5. I’m listening
6. This is your responsibility.
7. You’ve got what it takes.
–Power of Positivity
Based on my experience raising 3 children…showing your child that he is loved outweighs many parenting failures. Also, a child loves it when a parent listens to them, dances with them, sings with them, reads to them…actions that demonstrate the parent enjoys the child’s company.
All the best.
ps; I hope that you keep sharing your thoughts.
Wonderful feedback and wonderful quotes. I’ll definitely take them to heart. Thanks so much!
You forgot: “communism has failed every time”! I have enjoyed that list through the years
Fear of failing myself and my children is my biggest motivator. Staying healthy is number 2, and it takes money and other resources to stay healthy. Unfortunately for me, fear, is my single biggest detractor. I fear societies selfishness and aggression, the governments corruption. This has caused me to think, what is the point of trying so hard when so many people are so far removed from the truth. It has also caused me to be too conservative with my investing due to not trusting the financial system. For example I have regularly contributed to my 401k for 15 years but I wouldn’t be surprised if I don’t receive much of it because the government or inflation robs me. I play the game but I don’t trust the game.
Hi,
I think everbody have a lot of fears, but fear society is completely alien for me.
I don´t fear don´t be accept be society, I actually hate the society. I am not rebel. I don´t have tatoos, I don´t drink or smoke. I could look like some conformist outsided, but I hate and dispise society.
I have some very close friends, but I would be the same without them. I know for sure because I spended many years without anybody.
I always thought:
After I have money, society will have to swallow all my shit, they like or not.
I know that my friends like me, but I really would don´t care if they don´t.
I am not a sociopath, but I don´t live for anybody. I like help people who deserve help, but I don´t fear if I dissappoint them in any way.
Maybe I am wrong but I think that fear society is very natural for asians.
Fear as the greatest motivator is so spot on. Many of us take failure much harder than we do joy after a success. No one wants to feel that again. I also try and stick to a fitness regimen. No amount of financial independence will be enjoyable if your health fails you.
Hi Sam,
It is true. We are fearful humans.
When one overcomes fear, one is ready for Nirvana.
I will share what is called an “alternative investment” angle to “retirement”.
Good or bad – but in India, we do not seek “financial” freedom for retirement.
Thousands of years ago, for thousands of years – the “wise” claimed that retirement is a stage in life (vs. accumulating certain wealth), and it is determined by how much has one fulfilled their duties.
They divided a human life in 3 ashrams (stages) – Brahmcharya (Life of celebacy), Grihastha (married life), and Vaanprastha (literal meaning is to go to Jungles, but retirement). There is no age or net worth distinctions between each stage of life, but there are rules for each. For e.g. it does not matter what your NW or age is, you cannot retire until you fulfill your duties of a married life.
There are 1000s of pages written on this way of life in Hinduism, over the last 5000 years or more I guess.
The point is – One should focus on fulfilling one’s duties as the benchmark of whether they are ready to retire or not vs. a dollar figure. Both are important, but money automatically becomes the means. Not the destination.
Just wanted to share a perspective.
Sam,
You mentioned wanting to be the best dad to your child. You hope you aren’t critical.
I’ve been struggling in this area. On one hand, I don’t want to spoil my daughters. On the other, I don’t want to be too harsh, which at times, I definitely am. I think something about our upbringing impacts how we naturally react to our children when they don’t do what we want them to do…and they certainly don’t do what you want them to do all the time!
My father was a total jerk and sometimes I feel that I react the same way to my kids as he did to me. I have to make a conscious effort to control myself. One thing I do is tell her I love her every day and we never go to sleep upset. Your comments hit home with me.