A couple FIRE (Financial Independence Retire Early) friends and I were having some beers the other night when we got to discussing what were the things that most helped us achieve financial independence at a relatively early age. Here were some of the responses:
- Saving aggressively
- Investing in stocks and real estate
- Earning side income
- Taking risks in our careers
- Working ungodly long hours
- Relocating to areas with huge job growth despite the higher cost of living
- Leveraging the internet
- Starting a business
All of these things helped me leave the rat race early as well. But the #1 thing that drove me, which nobody mentioned, was FEAR. More specifically, the fear of failure. Let me share some examples to explain what I mean. Then perhaps you can share your own in the comments section below.
Fear As The Greatest Motivator
Childhood Expectations
My parents told me at an early age that academics was the main way to a better life because I wasn’t going to become a professional tennis player. They instilled in me a fear that if I was a C-student, I’d only be able to live a C-or-worse lifestyle.
Not only did I fear living a mediocre lifestyle as an adult, I also feared disappointing my parents. I was always getting into trouble as a kid, and each time I did, I saw the shame in their eyes. I finally stopped being a degenerate once I went to college.
Throughout my childhood, my parents worked long hours. I especially felt bad for my mother who didn’t particularly enjoy the foreign service work she did. Foreign service work was my father’s dream, not my mother’s.
I remember visiting her one day at the US Embassy in Kuala Lumpur as a surprise. I didn’t quite understand what she did, only that she worked in the cultural attaché department. She was always so chipper at work, and her colleagues always sang her praises. It felt like a wonderland to roam around the halls of what seemed like a fortress at the time.
When I arrived, she was tidying up the magazines on the coffee table. Instead of working in her own office, my mom worked in the reception area outside of her bosses big office. Oh, I got it now. Maybe foreign service work isn’t so great after all. I was 12 years old.
She told me how she had sacrificed her dream of becoming a biologist by foregoing a graduate scholarship from Duke University to marry my father. She still had what most would call a great adventure. But I knew deep down she will always wonder what could have been. If my mother was going to give up her professional dreams for her children, I damn well wasn’t going to disappoint her!
Work
Working in the financial services industry since 1999 always made me paranoid about losing my job. The industry is highly cyclical, which means during down cycles, there are always multiple rounds of layoffs. Without a job, I would feel like a failure. And without a steady paycheck, I wouldn’t be able to pay my mortgages on time.
The fear of being one of the thousands of people let go during the dotcom bust and the housing crisis led me to work extra long hours in order to add as much value as possible to my firm. Whenever I felt miserable working at 11pm to catch my Asia-based colleagues after getting in before 6am, I always reminded myself of friends who were blown out. Then I’d just gut it through one day at at time.
It wasn’t until I started listening to the lifestyles of other people working in other industries did I realize how abnormal was it to always be in fear of losing your job. But it was this perpetual fear that made me save 50% – 80% of my paycheck every year, figure out the best way to invest my money, and create outlets to one day have the option to escape from the corporate world. If I was comfortable at work, I’d ironically still be working.
Related: Overcoming “The One More Year Syndrome” To Do Something New
Blogging
I enjoy blogging. I really do. Every morning feels like Christmas because it’s always so fun to read what other people have to say.
However, there’s really no good reason to continue publishing 3X a week anymore. Today’s posts reach 100X as many people as they once did eight long years ago. But because I publicly made a commitment to write 3X a week for 10 years in a row, however, I fear being labeled as weak or a failure if I don’t follow through.
You guys don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to just pass out at midnight, but forced myself to write a new article until 2:30am just so I could meet my publishing objective. I have this fear of letting you down, especially those of you who may be going through a difficult time financially. I remember how soothing it was to read and interact with other folks during the financial crisis.
For the longest time, I’ve sent the message to never fail due to a lack of effort because hard work requires no skill. Therefore, if I stop working hard, then I’m just another hypocrite who doesn’t follow his own advice. July 1, 2019 can’t come soon enough so I can relax a little more!
Related: Why Blogging Is The Best Business In The World
Society
Believe it or not, as a minority, it’s a little harder to get ahead when there is hardly anybody who looks like you in leadership positions. For example, I worked in Asian equities and for half my career, all my bosses and bosses bosses were white.
When I lived in various Asian countries growing up, I was the majority. Everything felt normal. But when I arrived in Virginia as a high school freshman, the contrasting reality of being a minority instead of a majority became clearly apparent. Overnight it seemed I had to address stereotypes, listen to racial slurs, and endure various forms of discrimination that I had never encountered while living in Taiwan, Malaysia, or Japan. You learn to just suck it up after a while and move forward.
I feared being pigeon holed as a Asian guy who was only good at math and science. Therefore, I worked extra hard on my athletics and went to a liberal arts school to become a more well-rounded person. I wasn’t going to let my minority status keep me from achieving the lifestyle I wanted. But growing up, I feared society would never let me be who I really wanted to become.
Related: Income By Race: Why Do Asians Have The Highest Earnings?
Money
Ever since I lived in Malaysia as a 11-13 year old, I’ve been hyper aware of the haves and the have-nots. To see some of my friends live so poorly really wigged me out as a kid. I often questioned why life was so unfair for so many people. As a result, I made a promise never to take any job or financial opportunity for granted. I wanted my kids to grow up being able to study and play rather than being forced to work to help support the family.
After you’ve achieved your retirement number, will you continue to work as hard? For most folks, I think they may decide to take things down a notch. For me, however, I’ve made it a priority to press on, as if I am always starting from scratch.
Growing up seeing poverty on a daily basis makes one afraid of one day losing everything. You’re always wondering when your luck will run out. And the longer you go without any unfortunate events, the more you brace yourself for cataclysmic disaster.
Related: The Average Net Worth For The Above Average Person
Physical Fitness
At age 40, despite already having sufficient money and a family, the reason why I haven’t let myself go is not due to pride or vanity, but because I fear health problems and and an early death. I know way too many people who have come down with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, strokes, heart disease, fatty liver disease, and diabetes due to poor diet and obesity.
My obese friend told me that because he doesn’t fear an early death and has no family depending on him, he’s happy to eat whatever he wants. He enjoys food more than he enjoys the chance at a healthier life. “If I die early, so be it! I’m not going to deny myself my greatest pleasure just for the unknown chance of living until 90.”
I know people who are vegans or who aggressively count calories. Wow how they restrict their lifestyles for health. Ironically, those in the worst shape seem to have the most courage to live the good life without caring what anybody else thinks.
As a parent, the #1 fear I have is not being able to live long enough to see my son grow up to be a happy, independent man. Therefore, I am on a mission to fit into my 32″ 33″ inch jeans for the next 25 years.
Related: Track Everything! We Are Eating And Spending Way Too Much
Harness Your Fears For A Better Life
As time passes, I’ve been able to be less afraid. Academics, work, and societal fears are behind me now. The fear of not being a good blogger is also fading since I’m 8 years into a 10 year commitment. I probably won’t fall into poverty due to the financial buffers I’ve created for my financial buffers. However, this doesn’t stop me from trying to earn more since my fear of poverty is so deep-rooted.
My greatest fear now is not being a good enough father. I pray I will have the patience to teach him how to always think of others first. I hope I have the kindness to be encouraging, and never critical. One day, maybe my son will tell me he couldn’t have asked for a better dad. But before that day comes, I must earn his love.
Don’t let fear paralyze you. Instead, use fear as motivation to do better. The fear in our heads is often greater than reality. I’ve found this to be true time and time again.
Related: Perpetual Failure: The Reason Why I Save So Much
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I love your posts…your honesty, your friendly writing style and the useful information. Your posts should be included in a financial literacy course for junior high/high school students.
A couple of quotes come to mind in response to your comments regarding your fears.
1. This quote is included in Danielle Laporte’s (check her out…she is pretty cool) great quotes post:
The greater the artist, the greater the doubt.
Perfect confidence is granted to the less talented
as a consolation prize.
—Robert Hughes, art critic
2. The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.
— Bertrand Russell
Regarding being a good father:
7 Things every child needs to hear:
1. I love you.
2. I am proud of you.
3. I’m sorry.
4. I forgive you.
5. I’m listening
6. This is your responsibility.
7. You’ve got what it takes.
–Power of Positivity
Based on my experience raising 3 children…showing your child that he is loved outweighs many parenting failures. Also, a child loves it when a parent listens to them, dances with them, sings with them, reads to them…actions that demonstrate the parent enjoys the child’s company.
All the best.
ps; I hope that you keep sharing your thoughts.
Wonderful feedback and wonderful quotes. I’ll definitely take them to heart. Thanks so much!
Fear of failing myself and my children is my biggest motivator. Staying healthy is number 2, and it takes money and other resources to stay healthy. Unfortunately for me, fear, is my single biggest detractor. I fear societies selfishness and aggression, the governments corruption. This has caused me to think, what is the point of trying so hard when so many people are so far removed from the truth. It has also caused me to be too conservative with my investing due to not trusting the financial system. For example I have regularly contributed to my 401k for 15 years but I wouldn’t be surprised if I don’t receive much of it because the government or inflation robs me. I play the game but I don’t trust the game.
Hi,
I think everbody have a lot of fears, but fear society is completely alien for me.
I don´t fear don´t be accept be society, I actually hate the society. I am not rebel. I don´t have tatoos, I don´t drink or smoke. I could look like some conformist outsided, but I hate and dispise society.
I have some very close friends, but I would be the same without them. I know for sure because I spended many years without anybody.
I always thought:
After I have money, society will have to swallow all my shit, they like or not.
I know that my friends like me, but I really would don´t care if they don´t.
I am not a sociopath, but I don´t live for anybody. I like help people who deserve help, but I don´t fear if I dissappoint them in any way.
Maybe I am wrong but I think that fear society is very natural for asians.
Fear as the greatest motivator is so spot on. Many of us take failure much harder than we do joy after a success. No one wants to feel that again. I also try and stick to a fitness regimen. No amount of financial independence will be enjoyable if your health fails you.
Hi Sam,
It is true. We are fearful humans.
When one overcomes fear, one is ready for Nirvana.
I will share what is called an “alternative investment” angle to “retirement”.
Good or bad – but in India, we do not seek “financial” freedom for retirement.
Thousands of years ago, for thousands of years – the “wise” claimed that retirement is a stage in life (vs. accumulating certain wealth), and it is determined by how much has one fulfilled their duties.
They divided a human life in 3 ashrams (stages) – Brahmcharya (Life of celebacy), Grihastha (married life), and Vaanprastha (literal meaning is to go to Jungles, but retirement). There is no age or net worth distinctions between each stage of life, but there are rules for each. For e.g. it does not matter what your NW or age is, you cannot retire until you fulfill your duties of a married life.
There are 1000s of pages written on this way of life in Hinduism, over the last 5000 years or more I guess.
The point is – One should focus on fulfilling one’s duties as the benchmark of whether they are ready to retire or not vs. a dollar figure. Both are important, but money automatically becomes the means. Not the destination.
Just wanted to share a perspective.
Sam,
You mentioned wanting to be the best dad to your child. You hope you aren’t critical.
I’ve been struggling in this area. On one hand, I don’t want to spoil my daughters. On the other, I don’t want to be too harsh, which at times, I definitely am. I think something about our upbringing impacts how we naturally react to our children when they don’t do what we want them to do…and they certainly don’t do what you want them to do all the time!
My father was a total jerk and sometimes I feel that I react the same way to my kids as he did to me. I have to make a conscious effort to control myself. One thing I do is tell her I love her every day and we never go to sleep upset. Your comments hit home with me.
Recently discovered your website and am really enjoying reading your posts, especially this one. We have similar backgrounds (WM class of ’98, Asian, FIRE member) and your reasons for success really resonates with me. Fear of failure was drilled into me by my parents, which I resented at the time—but now am thankful b/c I will always have that extra gear when I need it.
You know what was an even better motivator for me than fear? KIDS! I’m 30 and have two kids under 3. I am certain I am more focused and more driven because of them. Partly because of wanting to provide for them but also I know if I want ANYTHING for myself at the end of the day I need to not only earn more but create more wealth!
After having my second kiddo last year, it gave me enough motivation to leave my public accounting gig advising PE shops. I knew there wasn’t anyway I would be able to live the life I wanted to at $75k a year supporting a family. Now if I didn’t have any kids then I probably would have stuck around longer because hey if you’re single/living the DINK life (dual income no kids) $75k isn’t that bad.
Now in less than a year since I’ve left, I’ve been able to pull up my net worth 12x and my income 2x+
Need something to jump start your engine? Have kids!
Agreed. Too much fear is debilitating, but some fear is motivating.
“You guys don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to just pass out at midnight, but forced myself to write a new article until 2:30am just so I could meet my publishing objective.”
Way to hustle, Sam! That’s why you’re here while other people gave up.
Out of curiosity, I remember you mentioned you were going to split up your workload by partnering with a female writer friend? What happened to that? And what are your thoughts on blog expansion by hiring writers? I know you love writing, but for a big blog like yours, in order to grow the business, don’t you need to duplicate yourself to make it scale?
She’s too busy now that she’s a mother :)
For some reason, I haven’t had the urge to scale up this site and make it a magazine. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s b/c I’ve been lucky recently with a couple mass media mentions.
Thank you for this post! I can relate so much to this, except I’ve found my fear to have the opposite affect on me in the past. I feared failure, so I would often times avoid situations where I thought it was a possibility. I’m an Asian-American that also feared letting my parents down, so in the past, I would only pursue things that I knew I could succeed in, resulting in less challenges. I just started my blog, and the possibility of failure is weighing heavily on me, but I refuse to let the fear limit me any longer. Thank you for the post, as it was very motivating and encouraging.
Sam – One of your best posts. Both from what you have to say and the comments that it is eliciting!
Growing up poor gave me a healthy dose of fear. I definitely did not want to live that way. I think that fear of poverty helped over come many other fears (investing in the stock market, taking risks at work, moving for better jobs, etc.)
It still lingers in the background, even though I may be considered “wealthy” when compared to others. Hey, it could all go away in a minute, right?
One other fear that comes up from time to time is the fear of being “found out as an imposter.” I’ve been in executive roles at Fortune 100 companies for better than 20 years. However, I still look around in meetings and cannot believe I belong in the boardrooms with all the “real executives.” I’m just some kid that grew up on a little, run down farm. Some day, someone is going to catch on and send me back!
Anyone else feel that way about success that does not seem real?
Also, great thoughts on parenting. I have a lot to work on, with a six year old (last of four) that I want to bring up “right.”
Hello there Sam,
I have been following your website for quite sometime now. I am a big fan and I have come to learn a lot from you. I read all your posts and follow your advice closely. I have begun my journey to financial independence after all the inspiration your writing has provided. I have also started my own blog recently about my financial learning journey. I just wanted to say thank you for everything and keep up the good work!
I wouldn’t say fear is the ONE ingredient….because I’ve had it all along, and am still (relatively) poor! You also have to have a LACK of fear in order to take risks along the way. I suppose that’s technically not a lack of fear, but rather courage. Courage is being able to take risks in spite of fear.
You’ve always struck me as being pretty fearless, Sam, but I get exactly what you mean about fear driving you to be successful and make $$. That same fear has driven me to save like a maniac my entire adult life, but I’ve lacked the courage to do more.
So, yeah, fear is a good motivator, but it needs to be balanced with an equal part of courage. You’ve got that in spades.
I can relate a lot to what you wrote in this post. I too share many of those fears. I know I have always been hard on myself, but I never thought of it that I have fear. I think maybe that is a better way to look at it. I do worry about job loss and not having money later in life so I save more now. I do worry what my friends and family think of my decisions and want to make them proud. I don’t think this is unnatural or bad, but it is good that you pointed it out. I think I will work to try and not be as fearful knowing that I am doing things I believe in and putting in effort where due.
I love the honesty and wisdom in this post, Sam. Definitely resonated with me as other commenters have said. I think fear is so basic to the human psyche that we all have it if we are really honest with ourselves.
I think fear of regret has been one of my biggest drivers. But lately the regret has not been not making enough money. It has been fear of missing out on experiences with my kids and wife, fear of not getting to grow or expand my mind in different ways, and fear of not making a difference while I am here on earth. I think the fear drives me the same as it did with other projects, like real estate, FIRE, or football in college, but it I still just channeled towards different aims.
Thanks for the thoughtful post!
Love the article. The thought of making backwards steps to financial freedom is my number one fear. I have come too far to make backward steps. Fear inhibits innovation and creativity. My opinion is individuals would be more innovative if they weren’t as worried about taking the risks. Hard work and taking smart risks expedites the early retirement process. I am a huge tennis player too. I would love to be completely removed from the rat-race and be able to travel the world watching the great tennis players compete. That would be a retirement dream come true. Retiring without fear is what I am shooting for. I look forward to future posts!
I really like the list you laid out at the top of your article. Very hard to disagree with any of those characteristics. The only thing I would add on top of those is extreme persistence.
I don’t think I personally know any single wealthy person who did not save aggressively, very happy to see that at the very top of the list and in bold!
Excellent post!
Great article.
I encourage anyone to work in a commissioned based job if they’re not ready to just head on into self employment.
Especially the mortgage industry.
Every day numbers must be hit, calls must be answered, accounts must be managed, or you face write up and eventual termination.
It keeps someone like me on my toes.
That constant pressure from management also makes me save even more money. I sure as hell don’t want to yelled or bitched at for silly nonsense and metrics forever.
I grind hard and save a ton.
And because of my years of savings and grinding, I’m one of the top performers in the company. Having all the money I have in the bank adds to the confidence. I ain’t going nowhere unless I want to.
I’m too damn valuable for the company, and the money in the bank keeps me fearless. I can speak up and offer opinions that are valuable but that no one else has the courage to.
This is the best post you’ve ever written. It resonates with me more than I would like to admit. I can relate to it on so many levels. I work for the United Nations in a very troubling developing country. We’re witnessing ethnic cleansing, famine, and debilitating infrastructure like many people could never imagine. People buying half of a tomato because they can’t afford more, inflation over 700%, and mothers searching for wild foods. Some even boiling goat bones and pulverizing them into a dust to eat, because their’s nothing else to eat.
Most of my colleagues have lived as refugees or IDPs ( Internally Displaced Person’s). So I NEVER take my fortunes for granted,and I have become a much more loving and compassionate human being because of everything I have witnessed in developing countries over the last 15 years or so. I also can relate to your fear as a minority. I’m a black American male, I grew up in a housing project, to a single parent mother, in one of the poorest towns in the Deep South, surrounded by incredible dysfunction and social isolation.
National Geographics, and my mom’s insistence to buy World Book encyclopedias for me,likely saved my life. I would read, read, and read until my eyes were blood shot every day and every night for years. Hoping to escape some day, far, far away. Like you, I still was a fu*k up from time to time. It’s almost is impossible to be completely clean cut in an environment like that.
I watched crack cocaine destroy our communities they way poor rural dwellers are watching opiates destroy their communities now. I lost countless friends and family to drugs, prisons, and violence. I was just waiting for my time, for the rug to be pulled from beneath my feet.
I had another thing working against me. I was huge, tall, and muscular, I excelled at football, and used it as an escape to some degree, but people are always intimidated by you, make you feel as if you don’t belong in an academic environment, and treat you like an idiot.
The first day I walked into the Attorney General’s office for my internship, the first question I got was…. Do you play football and what are you doing here? I’m from a BIG football state, but it still stings. I could go on, and on, but i’ll stop here. I’ve been meaning to reach out to you, to see how I can leverage the internet for FIRE and some other things. I was actually even contemplating coming to SF, to visit friends I worked with at Google. How does one email you? Get in contact with you?
Sam,
Happy Birthday! If I only knew then what I knew now when I was age 40 so many many years ago…I would have purchase municipal bonds from day 1…..
Fear is a powerful emotion that can prevent you from taking action and it can also motivate you to take action. I fear losing money. Seeing my father lose money in the stock market, dealing with his rentals, losing 100K on 2 vacation homes, and how hard my parents work in their own business, I avoid these financial options. On your list to reach FIRE, we only save aggressively. We saved 50% of our incomes from day 1 not because we wanted to reach FI. In fact, we never heard of FI until 2009 when I Googled passive income. We reached FI in 2014 NOT BY CHOICE BUT BY FORCE!
I will explained why BY FORCE….
I always wanted to retire early but did not know how since I was so financially conservative. We figured we would work until 55 to collect our pensions and 401Ks at 59.5. We never heard of people retiring in their 30s or 40s. Our company was stable so we thought. I dont invest in stocks, RE, dont have a side income, a business, or even leverage the internet. We max out our 401Ks and select the fixed dollar option which has an interest rate greater than 4% in our company. Our savings are in regular accounts or in CDs. Times were great when CDs were 5%.
In 2009, my boss told me about rumours of re-orgs and layoffs. If the re-org was true then I would report to a bad manager and I would be forced to quit. A close family friend told me about tax free muni bonds 2 years earlier but I did not act. I was fearful of investing my money. I only understood and felt safe with FDIC CDs. At this point, fear forced me to find an investment to generate income in case I had to quit. I knew what I supported was obsolete so finding another job will be difficult. We reduced our expenses from 56K to 40K. We decided to dump our life savings to buy tons of individual municipal bonds since CDs had such low interest.
In 2012, our 5% muni bonds generated 40K tax free but we were not FI yet since it did not include money to buy healthcare. We need another 20K for healthcare. In 2012, there were 350 people laid off. Many people were in panic mode but we were calm because we had passive income to cover the bulk of our expenses. The re-orgs came true and our team was suppose to report to the bad manager. As luck would have it, this bad manager was one of the 350 that was laid off! My next goal was to buy more munis to generate another 20K.
In 2014, our muni bonds portfolio generated 64K and we are now FI! We felt so good because at this point both of us can just walk out and be OK. We knew that at least one of us should stay until 55 to double our pension to 70K and to get 8K for medical.
In 2016, our muni bonds portfolio generated 84K tax free. Over 500 people were laid off. So many people that I know and worked with, were all let go. My wife, her team, my co-workers were all gone. I no longer have a backup and I am flying solo. No one to talk with. Workers were replaced by an Indian company, TATA. Since my wife got laid off, company policy states that I cant be let go. Arg! I wanted a severance package so bad! My wife was 51 and she received a severance of 234K, 52K pension and 8K yearly for medical coverage. In 2016, her healthcare via our company was 11K minus 8K is 3K to cover herself. For 2017, her healthcare increased to 12.5K minus 8K is 4.5K out of pocket. In a couple of years, healthcare via our company may be 15K per person. Other than that, my wife is so happy not working EVER AGAIN!
In 2017, our muni bonds portfolio now generates 87K tax free. Another 150 people will be let go. At this point, we have no need to accumulate and our spending has increased 15K to 55K for vacations, her healthcare cost and for our toys. We have savings to cover 7-8 years of expenses just in case we lose all our munis bond portfolio. I know that I can just walk out anytime but I chose to stay. Why? I am almost 53. If I leave now then my pension is 37K starting at 55 and I would NOT get 8K for medical. If I make it to 55 then my pension doubles to 70K and I also get 8K for medical for the rest of my life. I support several old systems that are scheduled to be rewritten externally by the end of 2019. So, my days are numbered. It is a race against me reaching 55 before my systems are outsourced. I work at home making 197K including bonus and I work 10-20 hours a week. It can be stressful at time supporting systems by myself but I dont care anymore and I try to not let work get to me. I just got another 2.4 years to go. Since healthcare premiums increase yearly, it makes sense for me to stay until 55 to get the 8K for medical and to increase my pension.
If there were no fear of layoffs then I would not have been forced into buying muni bonds. We would have just blindly worked until 55. Now that we have the munis bonds, we are getting an extra 87K for retirement each year. With the munis bonds, pensions and interest from our 401K, it will cover 3x expenses. In this case, fear helped us make our retirement more financially secure.
Adam
Hey Sam Happy Birthday!
For as laid back and easy going as I seem to the outside world, if I was to sit down and talk with a therapist fear is absolutely a driving force for me. I grew up with a bedroom in an unfinished basement with only boxes, dust, and the occasional spider as my roommates. My parents were unbelievably hardworking, and gave me that work ethic at a young age. I was always fearful of not having enough for myself. I think that is why still today I would hate the thought of asking them for a handout or help, because of the sacrifices they made to give me every single possible opportunity they could.
Now as a father the fear of not being a good father or not providing enough for my entire family is a huge motivator. There has definitely been a change in what I want, and how quickly I want to achieve it. I think that may be why after reading your blog for years why I started one and work my ass off on it. I have been up many nights thinking how I could skip a new post and not many would notice, but fear keeps me writing. What if that leads to a nasty habit of skipping many posts, and the eventual end of a site that has a chance to grow.
Awesome post, I appreciate the transparency. I also admire your abilities, work ethic, and overall character in these thoughts. Your son will be thankful and one day understand how lucky he is.
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Happy birthday, from your East Coast twin! This is an interesting topic and I totally agree about the power of coopting fear. There’s this Harvard (?) study that asked students to suddenly make a public speech to their classmates. Those who tried to calm themselves down were just ok. Those who turned their fear into excitement scored better and spoke longer. Fear can be a friend.
And you’ll be an excellent father!
-JT
I think fear helps expand our brainpower somehow. When we are afraid of something, we try to think of a way to attack that situation to obtain our objective. When I was a kid, I was afraid of the dark, so I decided to keep a toy car that lights up when you push a button next to my pillow. And when I had to goto the bathroom, I would take it with me there until I turned the bathroom light on :-)
Belated Happy Birthday Sam!
Fear is a motivator for me too, but a different sort than yours. Mine is fear of my deathbed. I imagine lying there, with the end nigh, and just feeling regret at how I spent my one shot here on this beautiful planet. I find this thought terrifying, and I will work hard to prevent it from becoming a reality.
Very heartfelt blog. It got me thinking about my son who is beginning to make his way (just finishing college, living at home) and I thought it might be a good idea to get him into saving aggressively and thinking about FIRE. Has anybody opened an account for their child and let them make some investments based on their interests? I was thinking this falls right in line with the idea of removing fear of investing as he gets older and finds his way into the world. I was going to seed the acccount and then have him put in some of his part time job money on a regular interval. Don’t want to force him to as kids usually don’t take to that but allow him to direct the investments which will make him want to contribute. Any thoughts or pitfalls with that idea would be appreciated.
This is really true. I have to say that in my childhood where I didn’t have much, and in addition, it’s my stepmom who controlled most of the stuff. It’s sad but that’s how it is. Having gone through this kind of childhood, my fear turned into motivator. It motivated me to depend on myself, work hard, and progress. Ever since leaving home after high school, I never had to depend on my family anymore. I have to say, this kind of freedom is something money can buy.
Thank you for the honest post Sam. I struggle with fear too. I’ve always been anxious about similar things as you. The “what if’s” of life. To this day. I’m always feeling like I’m not doing enough. Constantly hustling. Being Asian myself, growing up in an all-white country (Hungary), it was weird to say the least. Ton of bullying, getting spit on. I was put in isolation many times in preschool and kindergarten. For no reason! I think it screwed with me. But rather than wallowing in my past, I wanted to prove myself. To myself and others. I have a HUGE chip on my shoulders. I don’t think anyone I know has as big of a chip as me. Anyways, thanks for sharing, and man you really achieved a lot. You have a lot of money, and a very very successful blog. You’ve paid your dues. I think it’s good and healthy that you’re thinking about being a good father first and foremost.
Happy Birthday! 40 is a big one. You’re living your dream and not many people can say that.
Fear isn’t a bit part of what drives me. I don’t consider it at all on the normal day to day basis. However, when I was trying to quit my job, it was a big part of my motivation. My health was going downhill and I don’t want to die in my tiny cubicle. That fear made me push for early retirement.
On a different subject, we have a lot of homeless people in our area. I use them as an example for my kid all the time. If you don’t go to school, you’ll end up camping in the street… :)
Thanks for the great read, Sam!
One of my biggest fears is having to ask a friend or family member to borrow money. I have this thing where I really value independence and accomplishing things without the help of others.
Since I’ve never gotten any help financially with student loans or with a down payment like a lot of people I know have, I realize that I have to make more sacrifices to keep up with them. I wouldn’t have it any other way, though.
I definitely use the fact that I’ve had less help to my advantage as it serves as a constant reminder that I have to work harder.
However, the main fear that drives me is losing my independence. To add on to that, the fear of not being independent enough continues to drive me. I am letting that fear drive me towards FI.
Thanks again for sharing!
This resonates with me so much it hurts. At the age of 23, my then boyfriend’s mother was diagnosed with cancer and my boyfriend(current husband) and I ended up taking care of her and his 2 underage siblings. We spent our last years of college working full-time and taking care of her and the kids. If we hadn’t started working earlier and if we hadn’t had some money saved, those 2 years would have been hell. It was still hell, but at least we had food and shelter and money for going to the doctor. Nobody went hungry, although our wedding budget was reduced to a pittance, since we were spending all the money on drugs and hospital visits.
10 years later, the fear that we felt then still has not left us. Money does matter. Lack of money makes a bad situation infinitely worse. An abundance of money can make even the worst situation a lot less dire. Being financially independent is the best safety feature to build into somebody’s life and, although not easy, it is attainable by most people in a developed country.
Hey Sam,
This means that after 10 years building financial samurai that you will let someone else take over?
Your content is amazing and your advice is really practical and easy to put into practice, so please don’t quit after that!
Of course! It’s all over on July 1, 2019! It’ll have been a good ride. Time to start from scratch and build something new again. So exhilarating to start from nothing and see massive growth. And also to prove to people it can be done! :)
Related: Sweet Dreams Of Becoming A Millionaire Again
Happy Birthday!
Fear is a powerful motivator – maybe I’d use the it as the first stage in a rocket. It gets you going. What drives the final portion? Gotta be passion, because one day you look at your account statements, and you’re not afraid anymore . . . Passion . . . or . . . could it be Pez?
I relate to your fear, for my husband and I our reality check came with an intense illness. We truly realized how fleeting life really is, and worked our butts off.
I look around at society and I am baffled at people – recently people asking for money on gofundme has been ticking me off, especially since people like us plan meticulously and live conservatively and fearfully in fear of never having to ask people for money, ever – and then you see people raising money for things traditionally considered problems, you would solve yourself and “pay for your own shit”, instead gofundme feels like modern day legit begging. Anyway that was tangential.
I don’t think that kind of fear in the long term is healthy – so for both of us, we should stop being so fearful.
I am impressed about some of the GoFundMe campaigns too. You may enjoy, or hate this post:
How To Get Everybody But Yourself To Pay For Your Financial Mistakes
Hmmm. Really thought one of the ingredients was going to be “Avocados.” Apparently I’m behind on my internet thought viruses ;).
Your article also resonated with me as seeking to be fin independent would allow me to take better care of family. As well, have been complacent to start a side business as the money is lesser an issue. Your article and the replies reminded me of the importance of growing and learning new skills such as starting a new business. While I do believe managing others based on fears is not sustainable, there are advantages to self motivation based on fear. Have lived in a few Asian countries and witnessed hard times of many. Such experiences are useful reminders that good times can easily change for the worse or continue to be improve by not letting fear create a bias for non action.
Sam, isn’t your own father the official editor for Financial Samurai? Will you be passing Financial Samurai down to your son someday?! Multi generational blogging!
This is such a loaded post, I don’t know which aspect I should comment on.
“I must earn his love.”
This small tidbit really stuck out to me out of everything for a post that’s based on the economics of fear.
I’m going to sidetrack here into parenting: my father demanded respect through anger and threat of violence. When I was 12, it occurred to me that that was probablyyy not the right way to gain another persons respect, a child or not. As I grew older, this concept seems rarer than it should be. In the Asian community…well you know filial piety and such. But I just ended up with a lot of resentment. I still can’t be in the same room with him.
The fact that you said those 5 words means you’re doing something right by considering your children as independent beings rather than tools for esteem.
Tl;dr: are you open to adopting? I don’t eat a lot
Haha… yes! Thanks for reminding me… and also allowing me to add something extra in a future post.
My dad is on vacation, so my wife has been editing for the past year :)
Sorry to hear about how strict your dad was! My parents were strict, but they did not get angry or weren’t violent. I’ve read a lot of Dhamapada and Dalai Lama growing up and I’m a strong advocate of non-violence.
I’m definitely open to adopting. I went to an adoption seminar for 3 hours last year! Was gonna write a post. How about you?
Aw I’m glad to have been helpful in any way Sam!
I have thought of adopting but the amount of negative feedback (from my own traditionalist parents) has been overwhelmingly negative. I expect my parents to play a large role in any child’s life so if they are not on board with adoption – it’s simply not a good idea to push forward. It’s sort of a “let’s put a pin in it” thing with my husband.
The other fear is how grueling the process can be. There was also a Reddit AMA about what happened when a U.S. couple tried to adopt (from Russia). They were hit with every single fee, delay and regulation in existence just to end up shelling out tens of thousands for a handful of nothing 2 years later.
Great article Sam and so true! Fear is a great motivator if used properly. Fear often motivates me as well. When I was a kid growing up my family was very poor and my mom and dad worked really hard to provide for my siblings and me. I remember the areas we lived in and the lifestyle we had, and that alone motivates me to work harder every day. The love my parents gave us was unconditional and they were always there for us, but having a little extra money would have made life much easier. While my husband and I still work and are a ways away from FIRE we have been saving aggressively towards both our long-term and short term goals. When you talked about long hours it gave me flashbacks to when I was in public accounting working all hours of the night. At the time I never really stopped to think about why I was working so long, but after reading your article the fear aspect really makes sense. Looking back, having reached FIRE and with your blog extremely successful, is there anything that you would have changed or maybe done earlier in your career?
How inspiring your mom and dad were! I really think we owe our parents so much, which is why we need to be cognizant of trying to be the best parents possible. Nurture dominates genetics IMO!
Looking back, I wouldn’t have been so lazy/fearful to wait until 2009 to start Financial Samurai. I came up with the name and theme etc in 2006.
For my career, I wish I could have relocated to an Asian country or European country to work for 2 years. It’s always been my dream to work overseas. But it’s kinda too late now.. but maybe one day :)
Experience the world w/ your job is one of the most amazing things I can think of.
Fear is a great motivator and probably my biggest driver. My parents were both extremely poor at managing their financial lifestyle. The majority of my life has been spent ensuring I don’t end up like them. I don’t want to live like that or have my kids experiencing the things I did as a result of their financial management. As such I’m ever building up financial independence and backup plans.
You’re right, fear has to have something to do with FIRE success. I’ve often thought the same which is why I talk about pushing boundaries and getting out of my comfort zone (both professionally and personally). We’re on the same page!
I know you’re a big tennis player and thought you’d get a kick out of this. I read the other day that the best sport to play was tennis for the heart. The total body workout along with the short runs and cuts along with the various swings with the racket helped the heart the most. In contrast, the authors of the study said that running had non discernible benefit for the heart. Needless to say when my son is old enough he will be learning tennis :)
So sounds like you picked the right sport to stay active and healthy with. Good luck in fitting in your size 32/33 jeans :)
Wonderful! Didn’t know that the stops and stars were that good for the heart. I just want to live for another 25 years… or more.
I can’t run for crap. Too boring!
I love the honesty of this post. Thanks for being so transparent and sharing.
I hadn’t thought about it before, but I think deep down there is a little fear for me too. Perhaps all of us have at least a bit if we take the time to consider it.
Fear has always been my biggest motivator. When I started in my industry in 2001 there were 3500 companies just like mine in the United States. Today there are 312. Some died a natural death but most got squeezed out by regulations that we had absolutely no control of whatsoever. For many years I would wake up in the morning wondering if this is the day I lose my company. Fear is what caused me to save when other people were spending. Fear is why I went to work while my friends were playing. Fear is powerful!
I’m not some great businessman. Nor am I anything special in our industry. However, being afraid of failure more than most allowed me to zig when a more confident person would zag. It just worked out were ziging was the right thing to do.
P.S I intentionally left out what industry I work in. It is a very small community and I value my anonymity.
Thanks, Bill
It’s like Last Man Standing! I feel the same way with blogging or tennis. I just won’t quit, and not quitting is more than half the battle.
I didn’t realize you started a hot tub business. Musta been fun!
ooooh loaded question! I try not to be guided by fear, but I’ll be the first to admit it has led me to take certain actions in my life. First and foremost is health. I watched/watch my mom suffer from bad health due to lifestyle choices and I vowed from an early age I would not do the same thing, so it’s my number one priority and will throw money at that value when necessary, mostly with food. But I also have fears of being a money “failure” and that had made my threshold for being “not where I want to be” very low. Sometimes I do have to cut myself a break. Those are the two main ones.
Thank you Sam! It’s good to hear the perspective of a very successful person who had fear as a motivator.
For me I still have it. My biggest fear is letting down my family. If I lost my job and didn’t have enough money to pay for our home I would be a complete wreck. Most of the time fear does paralyze me and had caused me to live in denial, rack up debt and put my family in a difficult position.
But through reading your blog and how successful you have become has encouraged me to start my own blog. While I don’t think it has the content to ever be a cash cow that would cause me to quit my job, I hope it provides an income to one day supplement my main one.
In regards to the list of things that helped you and your friends become financially independent. I wanted to stay that you have inspired me to do the following:
Saving aggressively – saving, but not aggressively… yet
Investing in stocks and real estate – Tried and failed because I lack discipline… for now
Earning side income – Working on that with my blog
Taking risks in our careers – About to do this… and it scares the hell outta me
Working ungodly long hours – Will end up doing this if the risk above pays off :)
Relocating to areas with huge job growth despite the higher cost of living – Luckily already do
Leveraging the internet – The blog
Starting a business – One day
So in short… thank you for sharing your knowledge. It means a lot to me, and has changed my life.
Wonderful! The first one, saving aggressively, is completely in your control! Save until it HURTS. That’s when you know you are saving enough.
Good luck w/ your new endeavor. Even if your site doesn’t become a cash cow, see it as a cathartic way to confront your worries and a fun way to make new friends you otherwise would have not made.
Keep on fighting!
What an honest and touching post! I can totally relate to your story about the power of fear and how it can serve as the strongest motivation you’ve ever known in your life. I had my baby in the last semester of my Master’s program. Fear of failure drove me to a relatively successful semester despite a whirlwind of emotions. And yes, fear of letting our family down is so powerful and sometimes debilitating.
Impressive you had your baby while finishing up your Master’s program! Well done and congrats! Have you been able to juggle post Master’s work w/ motherhood? I am impressed w/ any parent who can do both. NOT EASY!
Fascinating read, one I connect to on several levels.
I started getting my act together in a much more significant way after being laid off – mostly due to the fear of not being able to recover if I was out of work for a significant amount of time (with a wedding next week and a home being built as I type, a lot was on the line).
Using this as a motivator has been exhilarating and effective, as long as it doesn’t turn into negativity and consumption.
Thanks. I bet the layoff was a real eye-opener that put your hustle into overdrive. I’ve probably come close many times… there were 5-8 rounds of layoffs in one year for about 5 of the 13 years I worked in finances.
Exhilaration is a good word. It’s how I felt after I negotiated my severance and got the first wave of cash to hit my bank account a couple months after I left!
I don’t feel like fear has been a major driving force in my life. I feel like I’m driven by the happiness that comes from making progress. There have been situations when fear has driven me like giving big presentations and working extra hours to be sure it was perfect. But my daily discipline and drive doesn’t come from fear.
Competition would be another thing that has always driven me. Even the ridiculous silent competition you have with the person beside of you on a treadmill.
I have not spent much time even thinking about fear but I would have to say outliving my daughter would be my greatest fear.
Progress is my one word definition of happiness!
Man, haven’t got on a treadmill in forever. :)
@Grant, Nicely put! I am also driven by satisfaction from progress and not really by fear.
However, I don’t like to compete as I am focused on my own path/relative satisfaction I am looking for. I might look at other’s just to make sure I am not far off the track or missing out big-time on something.
A very well written post. In one of Thomas Stanley’s books (can’t remember which one), fear is also cited as a primary motivator for some people who achieved millionaire status in one of his studies of the wealthy.
Interesting. Will have to check out that section again.
It feels relatively easy to live a comfortable life in the US. I just feared looking back when I was 60-70 and regretting I didn’t lead a more remarkable life. I didn’t want to wonder “what if,” partly b/c I knew my mother wondered what if, and it made me sad.
Wow, I want to say that I’m sorry you are so fearful and always have been. But looking at what you have accomplished I feel that fear did you more good than bad.
Setting aside the “what if I fail and am poor” images you’ve had in mind since you were little, where do you think you would be today if you had been more carefree growing up?
My biggest FIRE ingredient is patience (or lack thereof). I have my early retirement plan all mapped out. The income is there and I’m about seven years away from accomplishing my goal. But patience is hard to come by. Always has been!
It’s cool. I’ve mostly gotten over my fears as I’ve written in my conclusion. Now my biggest fear is whether my son will recognize me as a good or bad father one day.
If I had been more carefree growing up, I would have left my job as a 25 year old and returned to Hawaii to live at home w/ my parents. I would have surfed and helped take care of my grandfather’s fruit farm. Not a bad lifestyle!
But I will admit that I’ve been incredibly thankful about my fears since about the age of 35, which coincided w/ me getting out of Dodge.
What are some of the things you attribute to you being fearless?
I think for me it is the fear of not being able to do what I want when the time or opportunity comes. Whether if it is investing into a business or having the capital to start my own.
A few years ago I was laid off from a company when they had a ownership transition and since then I have worked towards being financially independent. That way I can work because I enjoy my job instead of having to work.
Hey Sam,
I’m really thankful for your hardwork into the nights. Your blog has stretched me in most areas of my life. I appreciate your influence & guidance.
As someone who tends to be paralyzed by fear, could you flesh out that last paragraph a bit more? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Howdy Josh,
I think it’s important to ask yourself before doing you’re something afraid of doing: What the hell is the worst that could happen?
The answer usually revolves around a lot of ego deflation b/c we’re so fearful of rejection.
But I suggest LOOKING for rejection to give you that spinach power up. The more you get rejected, the more you will get used to getting rejected. Eventually, you’ll find something that clicks, and then you got to PRESS.
Related: Perpetual Failure Is The Reason Why I Save So Much
What I observed and had drilled into my head as a child was “always live below your means.” That passed down knowledge is the #1 reason I FIREd. When I was a teenager it aggravated the hell out of me that my parents were always so frugal. But I embraced it once I became an adult.
There other reasons are similar to the ones you list: saving aggressively, taking career risks, earning side income, and working long hours.
I was also driven by fear but not to the same degree as Sam. I had fear of failing at my work or being bested by others. I also occasionally had and still do have fear about my health. This seems to be getting worse as I get older (I’m 57 now) which makes some sense.
Fear can be a great motivator but it also has a downside. It’s no fun being anxious and worried about stuff that never actually happens. It can have a negative impact on other aspects of your life like relationships, health, and general happiness.
Me too, but living below our means is a way of fighting off the fears that would keep us all up at night! Active fear management is what gives us control — to the extent we can prepare.
Good parental upbringing! My parents are super frugal. They always had used (7+ year old) cars, and we lived very modestly. It was always lemon water for me when we went out.
That is the trick, to not let fear create anxiety. I think talking to friends and loved ones about your fears helps A LOT. For me, writing out my fears and talking to folks online has been great therapy.
I just spoke to a relative of mine who says she experiences anxiety and dysthymia. I’m lucky to have a pretty happy go lucky disposition….. but w/ fear of failure as a driver. Maybe it’s why I love Hawaii so much.
I’m surprised that fear still drives you so much. You’ve clearly succeeded in many/most things in your life and certainly shouldn’t have any financial fears at this point. I can’t relate as much because fear has been less of a driver for me. I’ve simply worked hard at things because I wanted to see what I could accomplish. At the same time, I’m sure I would have worked even harder if I had more fear of failure. But I’m also sure I would have been much less balanced and happy. Being happy is the overall objective, and is not exactly the same as accomplishments.
I certainly understand the financial fear from seeing or experiencing poverty early in life. My wife grew up on a lower income and it clearly gives her more concern with money. Interestingly, usually this translates to being much more conservative, but you’ve taken big risks that have paid off. Why do you think you were able to take such risks when you felt such fear? This seems more unique to me.
Yes, fear was a big driver in my 20s and early 30s, partly b/c I got into so much trouble as a high schooler. I feared I’d amount to nothing b/c of my transgressions.
B/c I felt completely lucky to get into The College of William & Mary, a really good state school when I was a senior in Virginia, I started to slowly feel there was nothing but upside. I was already expecting to just get a normal job, making a normal wage, hopefully.
But then I got on a bus at 6am to go to a career fair in Washington DC. 25 other people signed up but nobody else showed. So we transferred to a car. Then I got called up to interview with folks in NYC at a major bank. And then I got a job I never thought I’d ever get. Another lucky break.
From there, I decided to press with everything I had b/c I felt I was already living way beyond expectations.
So perhaps the reason for taking so much risk despite so much fear is not so much courage, but GRATITUDE.
For me its not ‘Fear’, but ‘Math’.
Once you do the calculations based on savings rate, (reasonable) assumed rate of returns (past performance not indicative, yadda yadda) and the amount of years it will take, you’re left with no conclusion other than FI/RE CAN be done. You just have to take the steps. Why would anything less than being able to step away from your desk as soon as possible and be free to live the life you want be satisfactory to anyone? Even if you want to continue working, you can do that after having already ‘won the game’ and continue ringing up the score. In a word, you’re ‘free’.
I guess for me more a logical conclusion, than an emotional one
Wonderful! I wish I could be less emotional in my decisions and actions, but it’s hard sometimes. If everything was straight math for me, decision-making would be so much easier!
But I am employing math as a key decision for whether to sell my rental house or not.
Dont get me wrong. There was a lot of denial along the way for me, and agitation that I would have to alter habits, location, etc to have a realistic chance of getting to FIRE within a decent amount of time. The main issue is, the numbers will tell you your end goal (as best they can). You have to take the steps along the way to give yourself the best chance to reach that number(s). We are all wired differently and I dont know that I can replicate what it is you did (which is amazing), but if you know you’re own strengths, you will align to those and work around them to craft a plan to get you along the way. For me, it was making peace with what was possible and what was more unlikely, formulating a plan and sticking to the plan. Execution is key.
What you say makes sense. I need to focus on the math more and less on the emotional side of the equation during difficult, “tie-breaker” situations.
After 3 years of not living in my previous home of 9.5 years, I have seen a 80% reduction in the emotional attachment for example. In another 2 years, I would say there will be a 95% reduction, or maybe 100% reduction as the PITA factor overwhelms all positive emotion, even w/ a prop manager.
If you know yourself, you will be your best guide. Everyone reading your blog sees strength, surety of purpose and rewards you’ve reaped up to this point. There are strengths and weaknesses we are not privy to that you and those closest to you know only all too well. It can be a stumbling block, but also an opportunity since you best know how to navigate Scylla and Charybdis and come out on the other side roses like you’ve done in the past.
This isn’t some argument between people over how someone was treated where emotions and societal mores hold sway. Math will give you the answer. The question is, what are you going to do with it and how will you get there? I’m not worried about you, even if you are.
Happy 40th Birthday, Sam! So happy you were born because there wouldn’t be Financial Samurai otherwise. I’m sure I’m not the only one who appreciates your generosity in the time and effort you spend creating original, relevant, fun, and helpful content. Thank you, sincerely. In appreciation of your work I came up with a fun little story for you.
Gotham City may have Batman and Metropolis its Superman but no superhero has a greater impact on the financial wellbeing of its citizens than Financial Samuraiman! This masked superhero comes to us from a fascinating place called the World Wide Web. The public doesn’t know what he looks like but people know that he’s real because his work has positive impact on society. Don’t let his menacing mask fool you for he has shown his ability to follow the Samurai Code when it comes to loyalty, courage, veracity, compassion, and honor. Wherever debt and unscrupulous deals lurk, he seeks them out to save us from falling into their traps. His good deeds aren’t for fame or fortune. His wise words keep the rest of us from financial doom and he is a beacon of hope for those who have lost their way. His approach is with humility which encourages others to share their own experiences and in doing so has built an inclusive and optimistic community. But it isn’t enough for Financial Samuraiman to just warn us of financial dangers, he also opens our eyes to the many financial opportunities we haven’t even thought about and in turn give us options, change our mindset, and ultimately improve our lives.
Guess what?! I came across your superhero tagline in an old post: “We are going to build more wealth, slice through more money bullshit, and be happier because of it!”
Fight on, Financial Samuraiman! :)
Readers: The story above was inspired by Sam’s 1,300+ articles. Anyone else care to share how Sam has inspired you or helped to improve your financial situation?
Sam,
Happy birthday! You’re right that fear can be a motivator, but so can inspiration. And as Ms. Conviviality points you, you have been a great inspiration to so many of your readers: to try something new, to take the reigns of their own financial destroy, to start a blog.
So here’s to you, Sam, for being a non-fear source of motivation for so many of us little samurais!
Thanks for reaching out! It’s been a wonderful birthday so far, talking a stroll in the park with three of my most favorite people.
It’s funny, b/c I don’t think I ever mentioned when my birthday was? Did I in some random comment somewhere? Anyhoo, no matter. I appreciate the acknowledgement. B/c my birthday is during the summer, I never celebrated it really with anybody, so it’s almost kind of embarrassing.
Glad to have you as a reader!
Many Happy Returns! Maybe your mention above, concerning your fitness at age 40, inspired the OP’s acknowledgement. The best is yet to come for you, and yours, FS!