One of the reasons why I continue to save so much is that I’m a perpetual failure. I’ve made so many mistakes in my life that I need a financial buffer to constantly bail me out. A landmine-filled upbringing has also embedded in me the necessity to save.
If it’s not an investment mistake, it’s a career mistake. If it’s not a career mistake, it’s a lifestyle mistake. Now that I’m in my mid-40s, random health issues are slowly popping up. Gotta save!
Over time, the self-inflicted mistakes have declined in frequency. However, I know they will still keep coming now that I’m a father to two young children. Parenting is tough.
Even after negotiating a severance and leaving Corporate America in 2012, I still save most of my passive income and online income each month.
It feels like eventually, this dreamworld my wife and I have been living in will come crashing down on us. Need to save.
Always Question The Sustainability Of Your Good Luck
Whenever things are going well for an extended period of time, I begin to worry. Where did all the bad luck go? Something must be wrong.
I’m not sure why life has turned out OK for me when there are plenty of smarter, more deserving people out there who still struggle. Maybe the exhausted fumes of good karma from a past life?
The longer you live, the longer you realize nothing good lasts forever. Something bad is bound to happen – a break of an ankle, a bad investment, a friend who disappoints, a boss who lies, a disease that debilitates, a black swan global event, etc.
The pandemic began just months after our daughter was born. Then, preschools shut down. Then, stocks crashed in March 2020. If there’s one thing 2020 taught us, it’s that anything and everything can happen!
Instead of waiting for disappointment, I sometimes like to seek out failure to knock some reality back into my life. Getting rejected is also a great way of keeping the ego under control.
Most of our wealth is mainly due to luck. To start thinking our wealth is mostly due to hard work and skill will likely set you up for disappointment in the future. Don’t be fooled into thinking you’re a wunderkind.
Why We Rationally Save So Much: Unknown Failure
Ever since I got my first paycheck in 1999, I’ve saved over 50% of my after tax income. I didn’t care about living in a studio with another fella the first two years out of college because I needed to save. I wanted to achieve financial independence even on a modest income.
Over the years, people have asked me why be so frugal? Work to live, especially while young, right?
They asked whether I thought extreme savings was learned, or part of one’s DNA. I always responded that extreme savings is due to circumstance.
When you know you won’t be able to last in a brutal work environment for an extended period of time, you save. When you know tax cuts are temporary, you save to pay for the inevitable hike. If you believe it is your duty to not only take care of your children, but also your parents, you save and save some more.
When life is good, the tendency is to not save as much.
There’s no need to prepare for the unknown. The good life is the reason why the savings rate is so low in America. We’ve got a stable government, fresh air, the internet, cheap electronics, an abundance of food and water, Social Security, manageable inflation, and accessible education for all.
Why bother saving more than you have to? Move to India or China, and the national savings rate zooms over 20% because life is much harder!
And then we see what happens when hard times do come. Out of nowhere, a pandemic hit and the U.S. personal savings rate reached an all-time high in 2020. Life got tough, so Americans decided to save more.
We rationally save more to improve our chances of survival. The harder your life, the more you will try to save. The easier your life, the opposite will likely be true. It’s time to look deep inside to figure out why your saving rate is at the rate that it is.
Now, in 2022, the personal saving rate in America is back down to about 5%. That’s no good as consumers are lulled into complacency when a recession could hit the economy hard.
Meet The King Of Perpetual Failure
Failure #1: No Job Offer After College
When I graduated from public school at William & Mary, I had no official job offer. How embarrassing it was to have nobody believe in me after four years of studying and working at internships.
I told the Economics department I got an offer at Goldman Sachs just so I could have an employer’s name next to my name in the graduation booklet. This was even though I was still in the middle of interviews. It wasn’t until a month after graduation that GS finally welcomed me in. I must have been the last person to get an offer in my Equities class.
I thought the job offer was a fluke because it came in e-mail form while I was visiting my girlfriend in Tokyo. So I decided to save like crazy just in case they made a mistake.
After all, William & Mary wasn’t a target school. I didn’t have rich parents as private wealth clients to hook me up. And I got into trouble with the law while I was in high school. GS never did retract the offer. But I certainly wasn’t a prized analyst like others.
Related: This Financial Move I Made Is Something Everyone Can Do
Failure #2: On The Chopping Block Two Years Later
Because the dotcom bubble burst in 2000, I knew my job was at risk. I overheard a conversation my supervisor had with another Managing Director about how I probably was going to be let go in the next round of layoffs. As a result, I frantically interviewed with a competing firm in San Francisco and left the firm before they could let me go!
At my new shop, I began saving even more than 50% of my paycheck partly because San Francisco was cheaper than Manhattan. But the main reason for saving more was because I felt like I had escaped a firing squad back East.
Two years after I left, only about 25% of my analyst class remained. Further, surely my new firm would soon discover I wasn’t any good and retrench me during the next Last In First Out layoff round. After all, I was just a 24-year-old kid who wasn’t bringing in any business, yet.
What I was experiencing in my early 20s was “The Impostor Syndrome.” I was making decent money, but felt I really didn’t know what I was talking about. Why the hell would/should older, more experienced clients listen to me about investing in international equities?
One client called me “green as a gourd” when I traveled with him to India. Another client asked if my senior colleague could cover her instead. Confidence shaken. So, I saved and saved some more.
Failure #3: Could Not Get Promoted
When I failed to make Managing Director in 2012 after four years as a Director and three years as a VP I decided to create my own luck by leaving. I didn’t want to navigate another 1-3 years of corporate bureaucracy partially because I knew I probably would never get promoted.
My overall income immediately took a 80% dive, and once again, despite having negotiated a severance package, I found myself worried about my financial future. I started saving my passive income and severance income like mad because I was so uncertain of the future.
Failure #4: My Severance eBook Didn’t Take Off
One of my ideas after leaving Corporate America was to write a bestselling book. I dreamed my book would help millions of Americans who disliked their jobs to negotiate a severance and find freedom to do what they really wanted.
I entitled the book, “How To Engineer Your Layoff: Make A Small Fortune By Saying Goodbye.” Given there weren’t any books out there about the topic, and there still aren’t, I thought my book would be a runaway success!
After all, who doesn’t want to walk away from a job with more financial security during a time of great uncertainty? Nine years later and multiple revisions to incorporate the best severance negotiation strategies, I’m still only selling about 40 books a month.
Failure #5: Online Advertisement Network
In 2013, I attempted to create a personal finance advertisement network. I brought on a partner and we gave it a go for six months. Her goal was to bring in the advertisers. My goal was to bring on the bloggers. She ended up finding full-time employment and I realized brokering transactions was a supreme PITA! The project was shut down a couple months later.
Failure #6: Considered Going Back To Work Full-Time
In 2015, I started having doubts about whether being unemployed longer than three years in my 30s was a good idea. I had failed at creating an advertising network business. Further, I didn’t think having my existing retirement income and online income from Financial Samurai was good enough to support a family.
As a result, I decided to look for full-time work again. If Financial Samurai was a runaway success, I wouldn’t have needed to entertain going back to Corporate America. Working for yourself is pretty amazing despite the loneliness of being a solopreneur. But my site’s growth rate slowed.
Let’s look at some more failures from 2015 alone, when I originally first wrote this post. At the time, I was really wondering whether I should go back to work because my wife had just negotiated her own severance. That was an interesting moment in time as another safety net finally got removed.
Lots More Failures In Just One Year
* Didn’t get the job I spent 10 hours interviewing for at a fintech consumer lending company. They decided the scope of the work was too narrow for me, and they didn’t have the capacity or desire to pay more. That company turned out to be Upstart, which ended up going public and increasing in value by at least 15X!
* Interviewed at a buddy’s firm for an hour, and the person didn’t even bother to e-mail back or follow up with any closure after I thanked him for meeting up. I have no plans to inquire further as I’d rather not mix friendship w/ business. Funny enough, in 2021, I decided to invested money is his new venture capital fund. Strange how we forget bad things so easily.
* I lost the remaining three years of stock options promised to me as an advisor to a company after our agreement was terminated in November. At least I get to vest 1.5 years worth of options that should be in the money. Holy crap, the company was sold in 2020, and I would have made at least $150,000 more if I had been able to keep my other options.
* Didn’t get into a startup fellowship program after spending ~3.5 hours on the application. Yes, there were 6,500 applicants for 22 spots, but still, there was a chance!
And The Disappointment Continued…
* An advertising client decided to suddenly terminate our business arrangement, despite having a contract in place. While another just shutdown and decided not to pay for the work I did for them. But they paid their employees for the month. How is that fair?
* Got rejected from a local incubator program after spending five hours filling out the application and another couple hours going down to Redwood City and giving the pitch. This one particularly hurt because I thought I sold my value proposition well.
But now that I see who got in, it’s clear that incubators no longer incubate ideas. Instead, they incubate companies that have already been around for years and have received funding. For example, one company that got in already raised over $1.2 million and has a viable product for years already.
More Setbacks Through 2021
In 2017, I damaged my health by working too much. 2017 was the time to finally relax because my son was born in April. However, I was overly worried about being able to provide for my family as someone who still didn’t have a day job.
My wife didn’t have a day job either. Therefore, I decided to work more at the expensive of my happiness, sleep, and relationship with my wife. This was truly a failure of not being able to let go of the endless chase for money.
Between 2017 – 2019, we applied to seven preschools. We got rejected by six of them. Luckily, we were accepted by our neighborhood preschool out of chance since we kept bumping into one of the teachers at the science museum. We did end up getting off the waitlist for two more schools. But by then, it was too late.
Getting rejected by so many preschools is likely a harbinger for plenty more school rejections in the future. These rejections may eventually translate into my children not being able to get a secure job. Therefore, I will save and invest for them.
In early 2019, I bought another house because I thought I got a great deal. However, then the pandemic hit just 10 months later, leaving me wondering whether my home purchase was a wise one. For several months, I questioned whether this was me buying near the top of the market again, like I did in 2007.
Then I learned from a reader in 2H2020, that he felt like I left $655,000 on the table. I sold my rental property in 2017 via a pocket listing rather than though the MLS. Today, I’m sure the house I sold has appreciated by at least $500,000. However, at least I reinvested the proceeds.
Looking Ahead To 2023
2021 and 2022 were exhausting years as I kept up my regular writing cadence and simultaneously finished writing a 300-page book, Buy This, Not That: How To Spend Your Way To Wealth And Freedom. The book is now out and it became a #1 Amazon Bestseller and a Wall Street Journal Bestseller!
It’s nice to know I’m not a failure in everything. Buy This, Not That is going to help a lot of people get straight with their money and make more optimal decisions.
Now that my book is out, I want to re-retire in 2023 and take it easy again. But that feels like a letdown when I have two young kids and a wife depending on me to survive. But I’m so exhausted from all the hustle that I just need a break.
I admire parents who can keep on working hard at work while trying to raise children. Please teach me how! The endurance needed to do both is Herculean.
Today, my continued main disappointment is not being able to completely let go of the desire to make more money. I’m trying to understand why I’m not more satisfied with what I have. That said, I have entered the decumulation phase of my life and have begun to spend more freely and give more to charities.
I’ve crunched the numbers over and over again. We should have enough, especially after the surprise surge in investments since 2020. Yet, I’m still grinding away more than I like. It is a befuddling problem that needs to be resolved. I think the source of all our stress is giving a damn!
Failure Makes Not Trying A Tempting Path
Rejection hurts. Failure is embarrassing.
It’s often easier to not try so we can avoid this pain. If I think about the rejections too much, it will make me mad. I know I can run circles around my competition. I just needed a chance. But feeling the pain of failure and rejection is exactly what I want so I never take anything for granted.
Look, I know it’s not all bad. I’ve got my health and my family who are always supportive. The Financial Samurai community is still rocking after more than 12 years. However, it’s the unknown I’m trying to prepare for.
Having money is all about having the freedom to choose. A large cash cushion is what will help us get through the inevitable dip.
The next time you start feeling a little too good about yourself, perhaps seek out rejection from a person or an organization. Better yet, spend hours of your time trying to create something of your own only to realize nobody gives a damn.
When I hit my 10-year mark, there weren’t any fireworks but I kept on going: The Secret To Your Success: 10 Years Of Unwavering Commitment
You’ll feel bad at first when you get hit with rejection. But after a couple days, your motivation meter to save and work harder will explode through the roof! Put your hopes and dreams in you.
Life continues to be uncertain today. Therefore, our saving rate will continue to stay at around 50%, as it has been for 20 years. But as soon as we’re fully back to normal, my saving rate will decline.
For those of you who are feeling down on your luck, things will get better if you keep on going. Just continue to always build your savings buffer. It is the perfect counterweight for a mysterious future.
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For more nuanced personal finance content, join 50,000+ others and sign up for my free weekly newsletter. In the newsletter, we’ll discuss how to make more money and utilize our money to live more free. Perpetual Failure is a FS original post.
HI Sam!
Have been reading you for years but never responded because I am not good on this technology thing or how to remain anonymous.
Anyway – just want to say your post on failures really hit home for me and my esteem for you grew even more. It takes a great person to admit “mistakes” and the fact that you took those learning moments and grew, adapted and prospered by them is a great primer in the road to success. And the fact that you shared them with all of us is a gentle reminder that all of us stumble and no one has a gilded path.
Thank you again for sharing. I truly appreciate your posts!
S
“What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?” Mark 8:36
“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” 1 Timothy 6:10
Sam,
I read your newsletters. I like them. Not only because they are short, but because they are honest.
You wrote about how people did not want to talk about their failures. I am an educational psychologist (did my graduate work at Columbia and Indiana, a professor at Tennessee now) and I focus on design, specifically design *failures*.
Do you know that research articles that highlight failure on the part of designers are cited more than twice as often as articles that celebrate success!? Nevertheless, it is often difficult to get authors to write and explain how they failed.
Explaining the logical thinking that led to misconceptions is what our reviewers love to read, but authors are very reluctant to write about it.
Failure and how we discuss it is a full-on area of study in Educational Psychology because it is so tied to learning. Oftentimes when we succeed, we *think* we succeed for a reason that is not the actual reason we credit for our success.
We may have gotten it right, but we don’t know *how* we got it right. Failure is different. We think a whole lot about WHY we failed. We take it apart. We analyze where we went wrong. We are more critical about the reasons we failed.
I remember that you’re writing a book. I’ve written a couple myself. A section on failures, even if they are drawn from your readers’ others you’ve encountered, would be a very, very valuable section and make your book more effective. Of course, your own will have value as well. But one person can only remember so much.
Keep up the excellent writing and I look forward to your book,
Craig
Absent eternal perspective which fuels contentment, there will never be enough. King Solomon’s book of Ecclesiastes is a testimony of this futile chase. And yet, he was arguably the richest man at the time. i suspect on par with Musk, Bezos, etc. I’d encourage you to Keep in mind that you are just passing through.
too much of the mindset of the 30-40 somethings today is built on a plan to build wealth as quickly as possible which isn’t practical for most. the vast majority of healthy household balance sheets (including my own, and many of my peers) became that way slowly. For me, 40 years of living below means and investing the difference in the equity markets has produced margin i never imagined i would carry . . . at least not when i was 35 when kids and careers consumed all we had both time and energy (and at times.$).
cheering you on,
KSH
Thanks for the reminder. Recently, I have been searching for answers to, “Is this all there is to life? Work, pay debts, save, invest, rinse and repeat.” I also noticed that poor people have more drive/will to live than people with money which is quite ironic. When I was struggling as a single mom, I was very motivated to make more money so we can get out of poverty. But now that I have enough to cover the essential things in life and some wants, I lost all motivation to earn more money.
Talk about failure – I bought a 1br condo in SF in 2019 and then had to move to another city in 2021. If I sold it today, I would be down at least $50k, and it’s still bleeding money even though it’s rented out.
I also turned down a generous offer from a software company in 2018 that has more than 10x-ed since then in favor of another company that went nowhere.
You’re not alone friend :)
Ugh, sorry to hear. You are a fellow missed 10x-er! Those are tough. We’ve got to be thankful for what we have.
Fear of failure is one of the greatest motivators of achievers. However, at one point, when you have reached your goals, you have to start to look beyond this fear and see what is next. My biggest fear when I was younger was to be poor. I was born in one of the poorest and most dangerous slums in the world, so I know what poverty looks like up close. At a younger age, I did everything in my power to NOT be poor. I ended up out-performing, out-saving, and overachieving financially due to this fear of poverty. To this day, I still run the numbers in my head to triple check I will never fall into poverty (I am 50, have 12-15M net worth, have 200K annual passive income plus 1M business income). In fact, I used to check my social security benefits just to feel more “secure” but it is all irrational because it is time to move on. I think we get into this psychological state because that is what we needed to survive/succeed. But now, I am trying to let go of these irrational fears and look for the next chapter in life. I feel like an athlete who has trained all his life to win a gold medal, now that I have won it, I need to make a plan so I can grow and evolve as a person, otherwise, life will be just about that “gold medal”. In essence, I am trying to progress to the “self-actualization” stage in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, and how that looks, is completely different for every person unlike a financial goal of 1, 5, or 10 million.
I’d highly recommend looking into the expectations of 80-year-olds in Quora. I think that will give people here who are in mid-life some perspective. At the end of the day, money serves an important purpose, but there is a lot more to life than making or saving a lot of money, or worrying about it after having more than enough to spare.
Good luck on your quest for self actualization. Finding something to do that helps other people is very rewarding. What is it that you do that earns you $1 million a year?
Working til 50 is great. Maybe it’s time to move on to something new? I’ve enjoyed my second chapter since 2012. My main focus is on my children now. You have kids?
“Poor man wanna be rich
Rich man wanna be king
And a king ain’t satisfied till he rules everything”…Bruce Springsteen.
Sam, this seem like proof-positive that you are now very rich!
Early in my career I was a fund raiser for several children’s charities and that put me in the company of a lot of wealthy people, a few of whom were worth north of $500 million. All were self-made.
Once you got them in their comfort zone, I found that instead of talking about their successes they preferred to talk about their failures. At the time, I assumed they did so because it put their successes in even sharper relief.
Since then I’ve found this capacity in non-rich but self-secure people. People who are secure in themselves, whatever their net worth, can talk about all the things in their life that fell flat.
Hah! Not sure if it’s proof positive. But I do feel like we’re in a good state. Right now I feel like I’m in the last leg of a 800 meter race. Can’t wait to get to the finish line so I can re-retire in 2022!
Dear Sam –
I have been listening to your thoughts on financial freedom via your podcasts for a couple of years now. Recently, I started reading some of your blog posts as well.
You have attributed saving so much to being a perpetual failure and asked why you weren’t more satisfied with what you had.
Here are some of my thoughts for you to consider. From what you’ve said, and what I’ve observed:
1. You are driven. Once you’ve achieved a goal that you’ve set, you raise it and keep going.
2. You don’t allow yourself to take credit for the accomplishments that you’ve achieved.
3. You strive to provide more for your family at the expense of your own health, even if you and your family can do very well with what you already have.
4. Your insecurity of losing what you’ve amassed drives you to be ultra conservative in your investing style.
I would argue that all of these traits are likely due to the Asian values that your parents have instilled in you. It is your cultural upbringing and not your perpetual failures or other environmental influences that cause you to save and not be satisfied with what you have. The failures in your life are just incidental to your core values. Since these values are ingrained in you, it’s a never ending cycle of always wanting and achieving more.
You actually recounted this when you spoke about your FIRE budget targets changing from $100k to $300k/yr as your family situation changed. You knew that if you worked more, you could achieve the inflated lifestyle at the expense of spending less time with your kids. What you might not have considered is that your family would adjust just fine to your current lifestyle budget without inflating it.
In a lot of ways, you remind me of myself when I was younger. My Indian parents also instilled similar values in me. However, I broke free from that never ending cycle of wanting and doing more by realizing that I could take pride in my accomplishments and didn’t need to inflate my lifestyle in the quest for satisfaction. Yes, it is a choice that can be made — and once I made it, I started feeling a sense of calmness like never before!
You always have a choice, and you can always choose to fit the family needs into your current budget. For example, send your kids to the lottery system public schools instead of private, eat-in more, spend less on vacations, or get the higher deductible health plan since you never reach the deductible limit anyway. The continual inflation of your lifestyle bar will never allow you to be truly happy or satisfied with what you already have.
As far as I can tell, you’re already in the top 2% of accumulated net worth individuals in the US. You’ve already “made it” by all standards. But, you don’t need to compare yourself with others. You should feel proud of what you’ve already accomplished!
The truth is, as long as you are withdrawing less than you effective rate of return for the year (i.e., total return % minus inflation) your investments will automatically grow over time and provide even greater returns in the future.
One way to amplify your income without working more is by slightly increasing your equity exposure up to 50% (which is still very conservative for your age). As a result, you would simultaneity need to reduce your extremely heavy bond and real estate exposure. Yes, your overall portfolio risk would increase by these changes and you would need to learn to be comfortable with that.
Remind yourself that your investment horizon is much greater than any short term volatility. Over time, the average investment return would be higher and the passive returns would continue to grow. This would allow you to inflate your lifestyle while continuing to spend more time with family or hobbies. Bes of all, you won’t need to work more to achieve this — which is all that you claim to want. However, your cultural values are getting in the way because you aren’t satisfied with what you have and continue to strive for more to keep up with the lifestyle inflation by working more.
In my case, I’ve achieved partial FIRE, still continuing to work part-time — just like you. My first son was born last year. My wife retired after her maternity leave ended. I transitioned to part time after my paternity leave ended.
I’m in a position where I could fully retire, but choose to continue to work at my W-2 job because of the excellent benefits — 70% off my health insurance premium costs, ability to max out a 401k contributions, company match, paid time off etc. I don’t have any of pressure that I used to and my responsibilities have been significantly scaled back as compared to when I was working full time. It’s a trade that I’m happy that I took. I really enjoy the extra time that I have to spend with my son.
As for you, I would say don’t kid yourself to think that circumstance is the reason you save so much and aren’t satisfied. I would say it’s all due to the Asian value system that has been passed on to you by your parents. Weather you’re satisfied with what you have is entirely a choice that you can make.
And I would say… choose to be satisfied! You have every right to be!
Thanks,
R
With the mindset of saving and investing to get to that magical number for the last 30 years it is extremely hard to change that way of thinking.
I will hit that magic number sometime in 2023. I will be 57 and I know I will have a hard time adjusting.
As most people, FEAR of the unknown has a way of creeping into the decision making process.
* FEAR of running out of money
* FEAR of a huge correction in the market in the first couple years of retirement
* FEAR of Inflation
* FEAR of future Health Issues
So true. You will enjoy this post!
https://www.financialsamurai.com/the-one-ingredient-necessary-for-achieving-financial-independence/
Great article. Fear is both a motivating factor and can also be debilitating if you let it take over.
Overcoming Fear has been critical to my journey.
In 2004, I decided to give up a 150K job (good money back then), to start my own business from scratch. Investing every saved penny I had.
The Fear of making the wrong decision and taking the path of least resistance is was the hardest combination for me to overcome.
All the research and business planning told me that this was the right move, however in the back of my mind the voice always said “You’re nuts for leaving a good job and what if you FAIL. You will lose everything”
Once my business was successful people who knew me always asked me “how did you make that call?” I likened it to making a Leap of Faith. You have to believe in yourself and your plan.
However, that FEAR of Failure motivated me to work ungodly hours for the first 3 years and taking on tasks that were outside my comfort zone. Now 16 years later I am setting it all up for sale.
I’ve been reading your site since 2013 when I was laid off. I never returned to a full-time job. Financial freedom is an elusive goal, perhaps even a fallacy.
I felt financially free in 2013 when I was being laid off. I had enough saved up to not work indefinitely but not forever. My wife still had her W-2 job to keep us afloat. I had two young kids starting private school, and looked forward to spending more time with them. I was optimistic about trying new things.
8 years later, my NW has skyrocketed but I don’t feel any financially freer. Mo’ money, mo’ problems. — Notorious B.I.G.
“I admire parents who can keep on working hard at work while trying to raise children. Please teach me how! The endurance needed to do both is Herculean.”
Most people do this out of necessity/constant survival mode. I am not discounting their herculean efforts, but they really don’t have much of a choice. You have discovered financial freedom (or at least mostly freedom), which really starts to change your views about work and money, as I have also started to experience even though I am not quite there yet. I never considered that my motivation/drive might decrease once I started smelling the roses, but admittedly it has to a certain extent. I sometimes feel guilty about not being constantly motivated (which seems like where you might be too), but have considered that maybe I need to give myself the opportunity to take a breath and eat a steak and then give myself some time to kick it into high gear again.
Sam-
Longtime reader, first time writer . . . This was such a lovely, vulnerable, accurate article. And you definitely learn so much more from setbacks. And I appreciate the nod to the folks like me who took the other path. I am a partner in a large law firm. I have looked at your story before and viewed it as you living the dream. But running your business is still a different version of the same struggle. When I had kids, I shifted, coached soccer for my kids, exercised and tried to balance it all. Of course, that meant my career and income suffered, but it was worth it. Perhaps most importantly, I always saved, didnt spend the way some of my peers did, and now, at 48, with kids nearing college and launching, I have more time to invest in career, if I want to. But there is this feeling now that I can loosen the purse strings a little, and I do struggle with the question of what now? The problem for me is, I like the challenge and have a nagging fear from my childhood of never having “security” I never had growing up. I talk about retirement, but its hard to imagine what to do with myself and its hard to turn that fear off. And yet, I ask daily how much more one can save, and for what purpose? Building something sounds more interesting than just looking to walk away.
Sam, I appreciate your posts and their honest and authentic nature. Regarding this comment “Today, my continued main disappointment is not being able to completely let go of the desire to make more money. I’m trying to understand why I’m not more satisfied with what I have.”
This is a very real struggle for many people, and oftentimes the best way to get to the bottom of it is to speak to a psychologist. You can look at them as your brain/mind health guy – that can help you further improve and be satisfied with every facet of your life. For too long there has been a stigma to doing this, but I see it as being no different than working with a personal trainer at the gym. This is a personal trainer for your mind – and what could be more important than that?!
Hope you find this helpful and that you find that answer (peace/solace) soon!
Thanks! Any recommendations? I don’t think there’s a stigma at all to seeking professional mental help.
If you have been able to overcome the desire to make money to provide for your family, can you share some tips on how you did it? I am always looking for examples of people Who were able to quit their jobs and be 100% present with their children while they are still at home.
I really wonder if being a provider is inherent in our DNA once we have children. How old are your children?
Thx
JC this is wonderful advice. Sam, it doesn’t sound like fun living inside your head! You have accomplished so much and have the gift of a loving partner and family. There will always be someone who has more than you. Let it go. You have proved over and over again that when the chips are down you rally and provide. Removing fear as your primary driver will free your mind up to experience so much more. Peace, endless gratitude, consistent joy. Try to stop hoarding and just start giving more. Mostly of your time and from your heart. I became independently wealthy in 2009 and had the same mindset you seem to have for many years after. A family event changed my mindset in 2019. These past two years have been the happiest of my life. When the market crashed in 2020 I didn’t blink. All I could think of was how what I had was still more than enough and how blessed I was to have more than 99% of the people in this world. You do too.
Hi Jocelyn,
It’s not about having more to have more than someone. It’s about being a father and have enough to always be able to take care of my family, even after I’m gone.
When your children were little, did you not have this inherent drive to do better for them even though you may have been doing OK? I feel like this is an evolutionary drive that is hard to shake to help our species survive.
How much more do you think I should give? How do I actually remove the fear of not being able to take care of my family?
Congrats for reaching financial independence in 2009 and no longer having any fear or worry. I truly do want to learn from enlightened people like you. All tips welcome! What do your children do now?
Regards,
Sam
Sam,
Certainly a courageous post to publicly discuss your failures and shortcomings. I tend to be hesitant and calculated when pursuing things, as I want to be certain that I will succeed. Then, when I do commit, I put all of my effort behind my intentions. While I cannot say I am successfully at everything – that would be a lie – I feel good knowing I gave it my all. Starting my blog has been a huge creative outlet that I would have never realized I needed. When I want to share my opinions or just get lost in an activity, writing has been a blessing. All the best!
Olaf, the Mile High Finance Guy
This is one of my two favorite wealth accumulation websites precisely because of articles like this. This country has been stuck in a Boomer Me, Me, Me mentality selfishly overspending and not enough selfishly oversaving for too long – too many grasshoppers and not enough ants.
Interestingly, FS, your failures lead you to a great success/asset – your mindset. The key to recognizing failure though is that it must come from a place of success – there are no tragedies without great falls – and one only fails after having been successful. So, the reflection on these failures likely leads you back to the path of your success – hard work.
Finally, the point about luck is overwhelmingly true. Which is why we must support those who are not. Sometimes it’s as simple as paying taxes and sending kids to public schools (invest in your community), sometimes it requires more – time, treasures, and talent as my old pastor said. But in order for luck to remain in a society it must be stable, law abiding and respectful (not accommodating to) of dissent. I worry that if these things continue to erode we all may run out of good fortune and our fortunes.
I love this mindset and this post.
Also, hope you find the perfect balance between working hard and enjoying the fruits of your labor as you go further down your retirement life.
By the way, I’d love to read your thoughts on inflation and where you think inflation will go in the future.
Hi Jeff – I’ve been a long proponent of low interest rates for a long time, and I think low interest rates will continue for the rest of our lives. Hence, I think an uptick in inflation will be temporary… no more than one more year from now as supply issues alleviate the pressure.
Thanks Sam.
I grew up in an environment where everything revolved around money. From an early age (in Asia), there was constant emphasis on wealth among cousins and friends. Since we were not wealthy, it was a constant struggle. My kids are completely different.
Being raised in a very comfortable household where they have everything they need, they don’t think of money the same way I did growing up. Anyway, you asked what would I do to address this. Well, it’s a constant struggle.
Moderation doesn’t help because I tend to have an “all or none” mentality. I find that the only thing that helps is to focus on other things. New hobbies, new things to obsess over. For example, when I got into triathlons, I didn’t think about money. I was focused on something else. It gave me my identity.
But those things are fleeting, you eventually go back to the money addiction coz that’s where you get your self worth and identity from. The temporary fix is to find new things to obsess over coz again, moderation doesn’t work.
Thanks for sharing so many personal experiences. It’s wild how we can face so many obstacles in a lifetime but they can really shape our motivations and influence the subsequent decisions we make. I can relate to how failure, competition, and survival are huge motivators. I’ve used all three at various points in my life. It’s also true that America can easily make us soft when we get too comfortable. I haven’t traveled abroad in a long time, but the times I visited third world countries were really eye opening. Those folks work so hard, save every single extra penny they have, and don’t waste anything. Even when times are hard here, we really have so much more opportunity in the US than a lot of people realize.
The problem is most people including Sam are primarily saving in deteriorating worthless “dirty fiat” as USD, Euro, Yen, Peso’s, etc. Bitcoin allows people to save in a way that preserves and increases their purchasing power over time. Had you invested in Bitcoin at any point in the last 12 years, you would have more purchasing power over time, and it’s still early. I expect and believe Bitcoin to hit $300k to $500k next year. I know it’s hard to believe but many old time financial guru’s including my Chase investment advisor shares the same outlook. Study these people: Plan B, Willie Woo, Pomp, and you will soon see how many intelligent and successful people agree with my outlook. Bitcoin has given me life changing wealth and the ability to stop worrying about having enough money to retire, yet I still enjoy being an active entrepreneur in multiple side hustles to be able to keep saving dollars to keep buying more bitcoin and not have to spend down my savings anytime soon, until I decide to really retire. I’m 46 now so still got motivation to keep up the hustle especially since it’s pretty easy to continue my established businesses. Meanwhile gold/silver have performed pretty horrible in keeping up with inflation for the past 15 years, I know as I’m still sitting on some around the same price I paid long ago. It’s too manipulated by the paper markets. Bitcoin is a truly finite scarce supply with an open ledger that anyone can see.
How much bitcoin do you have? And how much are you enjoying your bitcoin pay for life?
I have some crypto and crypto related stocks, but it is under seven figures.
Here’s a recent post where I discussed buying: How I’d Invest $100,000 Today
I love cryptocurrency, but I intend to buy heavy only after the Tether fraud ends. Has every red flag of a scam waving strongly. “Every Tether coin is backed by a dollar of currency.” “Sweet, let a third party audit you.” “No.”
Saving is a long time saving habit I will never break. While not saving to your extent my wife and I are in our early 70s and we save some from each and every one of our income sources every month, without fail.
Because I’ve made choices that allow me to do so. Wife and I will both retire early come summer with two great pensions and a very comfortable diversified portfolio.
Our problem will be flipping the switch from contributing to withdrawing. Our pensions will cover everything by far, so it will be interesting to see how much we increase our standard of living with our drawdowns.
My kids have been briefed that minus any unforeseen circumstances a windfall will be enjoyed with them not by them.
I loved this article because I can so easily relate to it and similar things that have happened in my own life. The difference is I have about 20 years on you.
One thing that always stuck with me that I have to keep reminding myself is this:
A baseball hitter who winds up in the Hall of Fame only succeeds 3 out of 10 times or put another way, fails 70% of the time. The key to his success? He continues stepping up to the plate and taking his swings for a long period of time, regardless of the outcome.
Keep swinging Sam, you’re doing just fine!
You remind me of family members who grew up during the Great Depression. Not a bad thing. Some are natural born savers and yes since you don’t a retirement package that is someone else’s responsibility to manage, yes…you do worry about money. I see nothing wrong in your approach. After all, you are responsible for you and the family. That is a load in and of itself.
I am a saver but my wife not so much. I would love to save 25% of my income but not gonna happen. So, I continue to work and deal with it. Working up to 20% right now. My wife’s health is a bit precarious so that will impact me as well.
I like the honesty of your articles. You may be a bit too tough on yourself but the analysis is first rate. Too few people do that including members of my family.
Good luck! You are acting rationally by working more because your current saving rate doesn’t make you feel secure enough.
If I went back to work, I might ironically decrease my saving rate bc I would feel more secure with a steady income, health insurance, benefits, and a growing network.
But bc I don’t have those things, I must save to make up for the uncertainty.
It’s actually good to not feel like you have to save much money at all. That means that life is pretty good and there aren’t many worries or responsibilities.
It’s nice to know you have the some of the same uncertainty and anxiety that we all have in this world. Prospectively, as we age the world looks increasingly risky. In retrospect, we see our errors and hope that the balance of good decisions to mistakes is positive. There are many, many risks in this life that are neither prevented or mitigated by more money. There’s nothing better than a margin of safety, particularly if your current lifestyle is leveraged by mortgages, other assets depending on future appreciation to deliver the benefit of current ownership.
You were extraordinarily fortunate, according to your own disclosure of your business/earning history. Most of us get there more slowly, with longer intervals of hard work. The best lesson I have learned is to live modestly, save generously and plan to bequeath the excess when it is no longer meaningful.
There are SO MANY good things in this American life that don’t cost tons of money to enjoy. They are out there to be discovered. Good research identifies the diminishing return on investment in happiness during the pursuit of wealth. If “more” is the only measure of success, it’s equally the guarantee of failure. Many people would say that defining happiness in terms of how much you have given in your life is a more reliable measure than how much you have received or acquired. There isn’t necessarily a dollar figure attached to that, because the one thing that is truly allotted to us in this life is a measure of time.
Good stuff Nathan. Have you been able to let go of the trappings of wealth and leave your job too? I’d love to know more about your story.
I left a career that was deeply satisfying in one sense and highly lucrative but was made increasingly intolerable due to a deteriorating environment in which to do the work (another story). I took a 2 year stroll through entrepreneurial pursuits, learned a lot, including the understanding that I didn’t have the motivation to deal with all of the mundane details of growing hobbies into businesses. Then, the pandemic gave the opportunity for a true sabbatical, from which I am only now emerging. I’m going back to work; as an employee rather than an owner/operator, at 70-80% of what I used to do. I want to be useful to others, want the social interaction, satisfaction of the work itself and reasonable compensation. I spent over 30 years saving like mad and also went through a period of lifestyle creep, then realized I was born with dirt between my toes and really preferred to get back there, so that’s exactly what we did. My understanding of “enough” is to pay expenses with my own labor with just enough work until age/health/motivation intervenes, having lots more fun along the side, and allow our growing retirement assets slowly and increasingly support us into our twilight years. There will come a time when the work no longer lights up my eyes, but it’ll probably be another decade or so.
Awesome Nathan! So glad you were able to take time off and find a new job that still pays well.
I’m kinda going in reverse and working hard now until sometime in 2022, if and when tax rates go up. Then I plan to re-retire and take it easier,
Hopefully by 2022, there will be more covid treatments and less sickness. Then it’s time to travel and explore again!