It’s apparently very common to live at home with mom and dad after college. Some statistics have the figure at 80% of newly grads move back home. Is it really that common? Have I lost touch with reality, yet again? After four years of college, where there are just ridiculous amounts of parties and unspoken amounts of fun, who on earth goes home and lives back with mom and dad?
Even if I was unemployed, I’d pay several hundred bucks and rent the sofa in my buddy’s living room or something. Is there no feeling of guilt living at home with parents as a grown adult? Perhaps not. Right on my street, live three 26-27 year old young bucks with grandma. Come on, how can these guys live with themselves living with grandma? So I got to thinking, perhaps it is feasible to live at home with mom and dad, or grandma and still get girls!
STRATEGIES FOR GETTING GIRLS WHILE LIVING WITH MOM & DAD
1) Declare That You Own The Place. That’s right, say it with me now, “I own this joint, babay!” It’s likely that your parents have a much nicer house than you could ever afford on your own. Tell the girl YOU bought the place, and mention you are taking care of your parents in their advanced age. A grandma is even better. Girls will go crazy for your sensitivity. Schwing!
2) Good Old Home Cooking. Askyour mom or dad to make your favorite meatloaf when you invite your girly friend over. Since you can’t find a place to live on your own, it’s doubtful that you can cook for yourself either. Make sure your parents cook the meatloaf right, or else send it back! Say, “Momma, I want this meatloaf medium rare gosh diggidy! Try again and bring me some side of peas!” Girls say a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. The reality is, the way to a woman’s heart is also through her stomach, so feed her well.
3) Free Laundry Baby. When your girl stays over while you’re sporting your favorite Star Trek PJs, tell her to not worry about her laundry. You’re going to ask your mom to hook you guys up with some fresh undies. In fact, ask her to bring her entire two weeks worth of laundry for your parents to wash. You can talk about all the eco-friendly detergent that “you” bought and how you no longer use static cling products because they pollute the drinking water for baby pandas. You will get extra brownie points for your thoughtfulness for sure!
4) Frugal Is Sexy. When you finally reveal to the girl you’re living with mom and dad – don’t kid yourself as the truth will ultimately come out – just tell her that it’s only temporary. Rationalize to her how it’s wasteful to not utilize the 3rd and 4th bedrooms, or your mom’s basement. If she ain’t buying it, start sniffling, and then start balling your eyes out that all you want to do is be at home to take care of your father given his bladder problems. Tell her it’s hard for you to share your soft side because society puts so much pressure on men to be the provider. She will absolutely melt in your arms and likely start crying with you! In the meantime, you are busy building a blogging empire, putting on a few pounds while you’re at it, and forsaking sunshine in your mom’s basement. Tell her you’re also busy saving money so you can buy a phat pad of your own. Bloggers are sexy beings. Trust me, I am one.
5) Invite Her To Stay With You. She might still think you are a loser for living at home (in which case you should kick her to your parent’s curb), but don’t fret. Just declare your love for her and invite her to live at home with your parents as well. If you’re going to take advantage of your parents in your 20s, you might as well invite your friends and prospective lovers to share in the spoils as well. It could be one big love shack of intermittent shouts of “Where’s my food already?“, “Turn up the heat it’s freezing mama!” and “Quiet down, the game is on!” If your girl does say yes, always try and ask for the top bunk bed, unless you’re too old and have knee problems like me.
ONE BIG LOVE FEST
Maybe mooching off mom and dad isn’t so bad after all. Free rent, free laundry, free food, free mansion. Even if you have a lot of pride and want to demonstrate that the four years of college was for something, it’s just too difficult to pass up sometimes. Seriously, how else do you plan to come up with a 20% downpayment on a home living on your own? Hence, I say go for it. Live in your mom’s basement.
You can still get girls using the above tips, and save a ton of money while you’re at it. In fact, you may even be doing your parents a favor because they missed you so much while you were away! Smoochie, smoochie, mwwwwwa!
Updated for 2017 and beyond.