The Pros and Cons of Online Dating: What If She’s A Man, Baby?

Santorini DonkeyMy buddy, Craig has disappeared.  We used to keep in touch a couple times a week and play some tennis, but not anymore.  After a match at the club yesterday, I saw him walk by with some girl to the hot tub.  Interesting, I thought to myself.  So he’s got a new flame!

After my match, I curiously hopped on back like any good nosy friend would to see what was up.  Unfortunately, she was already gone.  Drats!  But there he was, with a big smile on his face, sipping some sangria he brought from home.  “Wassssssup?” I asked Craig.

“Yo, Sam!  Good seeing you man.  Not much.  I was just on a 3 hour date with a girl I met online!  We chilled in the back, watched the Blue Angels, and enjoyed the bubbles.”, Craig explained.

“Oh really?  Tell me more about this online dating stuff!” I inquired curiously.

Craig proceeded to tell me how he had recently signed up for this free online dating site called OKCupid, and how he was getting all these dates.  “Two a week, at least!”, he mentioned.  “There are so many women online, it’s ridiculous!  I feel like a rockstar!”

After an hour of conversation and some further research on my own (6 months undercover), I’ve come up with Sam’s guide to understanding online dating.

PROS OF DATING ONLINE

Improving At Golf Is Like Improving At Life: Impossible After Awhile!

Golf is a taxing sport which requires a lot of practice, and a lot of patience.  The first time I played golf was in the 8th grade with my father.  Although I was the 5th wheel, I got to tee it up every hole there was a backlog, and hack it up on the site of the fairway as the men played.

I remember needing to go to the bathroom somewhere on the 6th fairway and running for 5 minutes back to the club house because I wasn’t allowed to pee in the woods.  “Pros aren’t peeing in the woods Sam, neither should you.”

With an iron stick, and a ball the size of a plum, golf is one of the hardest sports to learn and excel at.  It took me literally a year of constant play to break 100, and almost 5 years to consistently break 90.  More than 20 years later, I’ve hit a plateau and can hardly ever break 80, no matter how hard I try.

Here are the similarities between golf and life that you may enjoy.

AFTER A CERTAIN POINT, THERE’S NO MORE ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT

Why Did Oil Collapse And How Low Will Gas Prices Go?

Finally, oil has gotten crushed!  We haven’t seen this large of a decline in oil in years as momentum speculators rushed out like someone discovering their Match.com date looks nothing like their picture!  One can say that the decline in oil prices was sparked by fears over slower US economic growth, but who are we kidding?  Someone who was long oil panicked, leading to more panic, followed by even more PANIC!!!

Perhaps the initial seller finally read, “Gas Prices Are Out Of Control And People Love It!” and spread it around.  The point of the post was actually to highlight how ridiculously OVERPRICED gas prices are given how much reported supply we have (US$1 million more barrels/day in 2011 vs. 2010).  If someone like me, who has a job and barely drives feels it, why doesn’t the rest of America feel it?  America does, and its hard for fundamentals to justify such levels.

SO WHAT NOW?

The Government Passes A Renters Tax!

In good old fashion political jockeying, the House finally agreed to a budget and unknown to many, they also passed a Renters Tax!  The idea is for all Americans to participate in our simple tax system and shore up our huge deficit.  The new law states that starting October 1, 2011 all renters shall pay a Renters Tax equal to half the value of their rented home as determined by the government every year.  Landlords equally pay the other half.

Example: A nice 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath property is assessed at $500,000.  A taxation of 1.2% = $6,000 must be paid once a year.  Since the renter benefits from living in the home as well as the public parks, roads, libraries, and schools, the renter writes a check for $3,000 to the local state county tax board.  Meanwhile, even though the landlord does not enjoy any of the benefits of living in the home, s/he receives rental income, potential long term asset appreciation, and the option to move back in at his or her choosing.  As a result, the owner pays for half the annual property tax by sending in a check as well.  Perfect equality.  Both renter and owner have “skin in the game” and look to better their surrounding community.

THE GOVERNMENT BELIEVES WE SHOULD ALL PITCH IN TOGETHER

Why I Won’t Pay Off My Mortgage Until I Retire

Having a mortgage is a wonderful thing.  In fact, I owe much of my work longevity to my mortgage.  When I was 24, I came across a lot of cash due to a couple good stock picks.  I was just lucky, because goodness knows I can’t pick stocks for doodoo.  I never really told anybody how much I had, but it was enough to put 25% down on a median priced home in San Francisco and still have several years of mortgage payments left over.

By my mid 20s I began questioning the meaning of work.  Perhaps I was simply suffering the lesser known “quarter life crisis.”  Because I had arrived at what I considered to be too much money too quickly, working to make more money lost its appeal.  It didn’t matter if I added another thousand or ten thousand to my savings, making money was so uninspiring.  I was demotivated because of a couple chance trades that required very little skill, just a lot of balls.  The great irony is that I don’t need much of anything to live a comfortable life.  Give me some clean clothes and a place overlooking the beach with a hot tub off the bedroom balcony and everything will be OK!

RENTING JUST FEELS WRONG AFTER A CERTAIN POINT

How To Be Clutch In Stressful Situations

Watch Texas Rangers relief pitching if you want to learn how to NOT be clutch! Wow, I mean come on.  How does that one kid throw 11 balls in a row and walk two SF Giants batters in the 8th inning of Game 2 when the bases are loaded?  It’s absolutely unbelievable how bad the Texas Rangers relief pitching was, and it’s simply due to mental weakness.  Texas going from having a chance down 0-2 in the 8th to losing the game 0-9 is a 100% ass kicking.

I understand how difficult it is to close things out due to competitive tennis.  I’ve blown my share of 5-4, third set leads before, and 9 times out of 10, it’s because my mind broke down.  Tennis, like many one-on-one sports is a complete mind bend.  I started worrying and thinking about all the “what ifs”.  What if I shank the ball when going for it?  What if my calves start cramping?  What if he starts catching fire?  As soon as I start filling my mind with doubt, my body follows suite and then before I know it, I’ve blown the lead and lose.

I’ve since been able to calm some nerves that have helped me cross the finish line in tight situations before.  Here are some tips for keeping your head in the game.