How To Get A Rich Man To Be Your Boyfriend Or Husband

"She said she'd never let me go."

“She said she’d never let me go.”

Out of the 140 million tax returns filed in the United States every year, about 1.4 million make an adjusted gross income of over $380,000 a year. Now imagine if there were 1.4 million undead zombies roaming the country. They’d be everywhere!

Most would agree that a top 1% income is rich wherever you live. However, some will say you’re just middle class if you’ve got to pay for private school tuition in cities such as San Francisco, New York, Paris, and London! Given it is one of our mantras to always describe ourselves as middle class, being called financially average is a blessing.

Regardless of what your true financial definition of rich is, your mission if you choose to accept is to lock down one of the 1.4 million+ rich people the IRS knows about to marry you. The one tautology about money is that once you have money, you don’t worry as much about not having money. And when you worry less about money, you get to fight more about all the other joys in a relationship.

This article will provide some insights into how single men with over $380,000 a year in income or net worths of over $1 million dollars think about women and marriage. Once you understand such a man’s fears and hopes, you are well on your way to living the good life!


* I must be dreaming. Most wealthy men are self-made. They may have studied hard in school, took some calculated risks, worked even harder on their ventures, and struck lucky gold. They know what it’s like to be middle class or lower because that’s exactly where they toiled for most of their lives. They’ve made far more than they’ve ever imagined possible and can’t believe their luck. There is a constant awareness that the good times can’t last forever. In fact, there is a paranoia that one day they’ll wake up to see everything they’ve worked for disappear. As a result, they keep on working to make their dreams happen, never taking for granted what they have.

* Nobody is going to give me anything. Given most rich men are self-made, they strongly do not believe in entitlement. Nothing is deserved which is not earned. Given this type of stance, sometimes they can be very harsh on those who are receiving some type of assistance from the government, friends, or family members. It takes time to assuage such a man to see another’s point of view as a result. Men want to see that a woman is independent or on her way to being financially independent through self-struggle.

* Women who know what they want are most attractive. Nothing turns a rich man on like a strong woman who is successful in her career or business. The woman who goes for glory piques the most interest. Rich men constantly search for those who they can find their equal or superior. She doesn’t have to be rich. Instead, she can be superbly talented in something that he is not e.g. musical instrument, language, singing, dance, art, etc.

* Why should I ever settle down? Rich men have a larger selection of women thanks to women being more accepting of rich men. You will see 4s go out with 8s all the time and nobody ever bats an eye because it’s so common in places such as New York City and San Francisco. Given a rich man’s mental conditioning, he will logically assume he is more handsome, more charismatic, and funnier than he really is. It really doesn’t matter if he’s not because he continues to get outsized attention from the ladies.

* Please don’t waste my time. Although everybody’s time is finite, time is much more precious to a rich person because the dichotomy between time and money is wider. Rich men have less patience for relationship games and long term courtships. He needs to know whether she wants him or not. None of this “I’m in a weird place right now” while she goes off and dates multiple men. A rich man has no problem being a friendly suitor who meets up on random occasions. But there is no way a confused woman will ever snag herself a stable rich man.

* If only I had someone to share my money with. There will come a time in every rich man’s life when he’ll realize the pointlessness of making more money if there’s nobody to spend it on or with. He may accumulate so much that he won’t mind being a sugar daddy to someone who doesn’t fit any of his criteria for the ideal woman so long as she enjoys his company. He would rather be with someone than be alone.

* When am I going to lose it all? Rich men pay attention to fortunes lost all the time. The most recent example is Eike Batista who is estimated to have lost $33 billion dollars in 16 months as his conglomerate, OGX Petroleo & Gas Participacoes SA lost 90% of its value. Batista is still worth $200 million dollars, but still, that is a frightening fall. Given the paranoia of losing it all, rich men are very methodical in their money management ways. They will allocate at least 20% of their net worth to risk free investments so that if things go to hell, they’ll still live a comfortable life. Rich men realize their wealth is an important reason why they have more selection.

* I hope she still loves me if I had no money. Rich men understand they are attracting more women than normal for their wealth, but every rich man hopes his woman loves him for who he is as a person. Rich men don’t want to feel like chumps who have to pay for companionship. As soon as a rich man feels the only reason why a woman is asking a man out so he can pay for dinner and a show, it’s game over.


Now that you know how rich men think, it’s important to adjust your actions accordingly if you want to be with someone with means.

* Be your own person. Thoroughly pursue your dreams and do not give up until you get there. It’s important not to compromise your standards for a rich man. If you’ve always wanted to make it on Broadway, don’t you dare leave New York City to be closer to a man who lives in Chicago. If your dream job demands that you travel for three months a year, go for it and don’t look back. The more you focus on what you want, the more the rich man will want you. He has the financial resources to move, travel, or buy a piede de terre where you live if he wants to be with you so don’t worry about not pursuing your goals.

* Develop a strong network of friends. You don’t have to have a ton of friends, just enough where you can spend all your time with them as if you didn’t have a man in your life. A rich man worries his woman will smother him if they get too close. Once you have a couple friends to go out with for dinner or shows, you provide a man some relief that he doesn’t have to always entertain you. Develop your own world and invite him in.

* Be an expert at something he is not. Singing, dancing, writing or playing a musical instrument are tops on the list of things most men don’t do well. If you can master just one art you will gain a tremendous amount of admiration. Tanya Streeter is a world record holder freediver who went down 525 feet and can hold her breath for 4 minutes. Now that is one sexy woman!

* Take care of yourself. Because rich men have more selection, they tend to gravitate towards better looking, fitter women. The one thing every person can do is work on their fitness – facial features not so much. There’s a big fear from men that once he marries his woman that she will chop off all her hair and let herself go. Don’t let your man fear such a thing by eating healthy and maintaining a workout regime that’s beyond his own. When a woman asks a rich man to see whether he’d like to join her at the gym, deep down the rich man is beaming with joy.

* Be a lower high maintenance woman. High maintenance women generally have a bad wrap. They take two hours to get ready, love to take pictures of themselves, aren’t grateful and have never met a mirror they don’t like. The flip side is that they generally look good. A rich man loves to have a beautiful woman on his arm. He feels proud to call her his girl as onlookers check them out.  The “level of maintenance” is highly subjective. If a beautiful woman can turn it down a notch based on his perception, she’ll be much more attractive. Simple things like saying “thank you,” leaving the house in comfortably simple clothes, and offering to pay once in a while go a long way.

* Show interest in his business. A man wants to marry a woman who cares about where their money is coming and going. After all, the man has spend all of his post secondary education life working on a career or business that made him rich. It’s vital to understand what he does for a living and check in every so often to ask how things are going. There is always some new deal or initiative on his plate that he’ll love to share. Rich men always think they’ll bore their women to death with business talk so they don’t mention anything related. Take interest in the source of his wealth and you will go farther than any other woman.

* Spend more time listening. Listening is a skill that is more difficult than talking. The ideal conversation is balanced 50/50 where both participants actively listen to each other’s dreams. If you dominate the conversation by more than a 70/30 ratio, men tune out quickly unless you are stunningly beautiful. A great way to find balance is to simply ask the question you were asked and go from there. It’s often times what you don’t say that speaks volumes.

* Be where rich men are. We tend to end up with people who roam our environment. Pilots date stewardesses, cooks date waitresses, bartenders date everything that moves, doctors date nurses, and Facebook employees date Twitter nerds. The majority of men over 30 who work in banking, management consulting, high tech, big law, and venture capital are on the path to top tier wealth if they keep on saving and working for just one more decade. Attend charity events, volunteer programs, or opening night galas. Rich men love to network while supporting a cause. Lay on a beach at a five-star Hawaiian resort. All Hawaiian beaches are public. Take up traditionally expensive sports like golf and less so tennis which have private clubs. Go to alumni mixers with a friend who went to a prestigious university. There are at least 700,000 men in America (out of 1.4 million $380,000+ tax returns) out there after all.

* Show a tremendous interest in your personal finances. Nothing is more attractive than a woman who has a strong command of her finances. The more a woman cares about her own financial well-being, the less the man has to worry about having to care for everything financial-related, even though he easily could. I recommend signing up for Personal Capital, a free financial software online that tracks your cash flow, analyzes your investments for excessive fees, and tracks your net worth. I’m positive a rich guy will be super impressed with your financial savviness if you show him the app on your phone next time you meet up.


It takes time to lock down a handsome multi-millionaire fella. You’ve got to take my advice to heart and proactively be in environments that accommodate such potential interactions. If you haven’t found someone wealthy, don’t worry. Millions of couples are perfectly happy without being wealthy. Life with someone you care about is infinitely better than coming home to an empty bed. May all of you find someone!

Ladies, have you ever dated a rich guy or are currently with a rich guy? If you married a rich guy, were there any things you did to lock him down that is different from the article? Why go after a poor guy when there are plenty of nice, charming, funny, charismatic, motivated, charitable rich guys round? Rich gentlemen, what are you looking for in a woman? 

Photo: Paper suit, courtesy of RMA art collection.



Sam started Financial Samurai in 2009 during the depths of the financial crisis as a way to make sense of chaos. After 13 years working on Wall Street, Sam decided to retire in 2012 to utilize everything he learned in business school to focus on online entrepreneurship.

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  1. says

    I need to know how to lock down a rich woman. :)
    This is great advice – Be where rich men are.
    Hey, one of my female friend said rich guys have a ton of baggage. Is that true? They are working all the time and usually have alimony…

      • Debora says

        It seems you are a good trader Just curious what you see with crude? Nice photo by the way.


    • Ela says

      I have just seen this post. Well, I am currently dating a rich man for about a year and half now. The point is I was never looking for him, we have just met in the most strange way ever… However, I want to warn you. Dating a rich guy is very stressful. He is up all the time, his phone is always ringing, the skype is all the time on, the plain is always waiting for him and you sometimes just want everything to stop and to have him for yourself. I sometimes just want he is normal guy I can have normal life with. Anyway, yes, he always has his baggage packed and he is always ready to go. We are all the time breaking up and making-up. He proposed me 6 months ago but I am still not ready for it. I am thinking what is my life going to be like? Do I want to be just a rich man’s wife. The fact is I am 12 years younger, I am also very successful in what I am doing and I don’t want to give up of it. Believe me, it is really hard to date a rich man. Yes, you go to the best places, get expensive gifts and ecct. But, what is most precious to the rich men? The time? They can’t give you the time you as a woman deserve because they are constantly working, traveling and talking on the phone… I have the most beautiful, handsome and interesting guy but I stuggle dealing the lack of his time everyday.

      • says

        Ela, very interesting insight. Who knew making more money entailed having more responsibilities and perhaps working long hours? :)

        You have a good concern. I would lock him down b/c you love him. Such men eventually slow down and burn out over time. Best of luck!

      • brian says

        It is true that time is the most valuable thing. I’ve worked straight through the end of my college years plus another 8 to get where I am. I find myself working non stop and feeling out of place if I take more than a day off or sit around for a few hours just because I feel tired. Pretty much most women I’ve dated spend most of the relationship complaining that I work to much. They just don’t understand that I got where I am by making good use of my time and I do not want to get lazy and possibly lose everything that I built up.

      • Ella says

        Funny…you Ela…I’m Ella…Dating rich man as well….yach…He is always ready to go…sleeping sometimes 3-4 hours…phone non stop…when we going somewhere…I’ll drive…he still on phone…if not…then sleeping in car… Health problems starting on stress base…When he working and I’m around…he will not even notice me…
        Few calls a day when we not together and I never know when we meet….weekends he will be with me..sometimes even that I will not have….Talking about moving in together…but I’m thinking…do I really want to end up in huge house alone?? he is never home….I met him,I thought he working in zoo…I liked that idea…then I realized that little zoo…is not job.It’s his hobby…But was to late.I was in love.
        I believe he love me…but life style he have is not easy…I’m not talking already about having kids together…If we will…I’ll end up being alone all the time with this baby

  2. Travis says

    You should also mention that successful men really value their time. Therefore, if he makes time to do something with a girl, then she should not take advantage of that or take it for granted. Be on time and don’t make plans only to change them at the last minute. Also don’t be mad if he doesn’t want to talk on the phone for hours talking about nothing – successful men aren’t trying to find time to fill in the gaps of boredom, they are more focused on making the finite amount of time they have in this world matter the most.

  3. says

    Haha this goes the opposite for me. People are always asking W how he locked me down. I also have 5 other good friends and we’ve all been with the same guys since high school. All 6 of us are the breadwinners in our relationships :)

    • says

      You should definitely write a post opposite of this! Men love having breadwinner girlfriends and wives. We dream of kicking back, watching football with our buddies, and having a housekeeper clean and cook while women work and bring in the bucks. We’ll go to Vegas, go on fishing trips and all that when you don’t want us in the house. All good!

      • Ryan says

        Old post, but good read, I like your content. In this case, I have to disagree big time though about dreaming about having a wife as the breadwinner.
        That would be my biggest nightmare.

        I want my future wife to be motivated, not lazy or self entitled, sure, but I want her to be able to relax. Be stress free. Enjoy life. I want to be able to dote on her excessively (redundancy for emphasis haha).

        I want to be able to get her whatever she wants. She won’t be some kind of fake/plastic girl, even if I’m describing her like a Barbie. I want her to be an honest and fairly down-to-earth girl whose DREAMS I can make true.
        Like every day she wakes up, amazed at how blessed she is and what opportunities she has.

        Neither of us will “let ourselves go,” especially me; I’d rather have her leave me before I become someone she’s ashamed of. That brings me to my last point.

        I want her to love me, not in the typical cliche way, “for me,” (who i am), but rather, for what I can, have, will and want to do for her.

        Loving someone for who they are often takes more work on your part than theirs. And then allows for them to “degrade,” since you “love them anyways.”

        Loving based on performance demands consistent accomplishment and improvement. You can’t just stop succeeding and expect to be loved. Make yourself worth it, every day.
        Don’t allow yourself to any loving sentiments your spouse expresses until you’ve EARNED them for the day.

        Go kick your competition’s butt. Increase your market share. Your conversion rate. # of subscribers, lc value, etc.
        Then you deserve to be loved. It’s a day by day basis.
        To be clear, I absolutely want to love my girl for who she is, I only want the performance aspect of love applied to me. I wouldn’t want her to have to handle that stress. She’s beautiful. If I can’t perform, I didn’t deserve her anyways.

        • Noni says

          Oh my God! I love love your comment! I love what you said about her loving you based on performance. I hope you find what you’re looking for and I pray I find a guy who thinks like this too! I believe I have time to work on myself as I turn 22 next year. Cheers!

          • Ryan says

            Thanks. I addressed this already myself, but I’d like your perspective on this…

            What reason do you want your (future) man to love you for? Beauty alone? Personality? Who you are?

            Someone grilled me on this the other day, and while I gave them the same answer as I wrote above, it got me thinking.

            What reasons would a woman want to be loved for? I’m sure a majority would consider “beauty” to be too shallow of a response, especially when beauty fades.
            But, wanting to be loved for who she is is certainly making the standards/reasons for love unequal, when she only loves the man for what he can get her…

            This implies that if they went through a hard time financially, she’d be able to leave him with no guilt or remorse, but even if her beauty faded significantly after a given age, or any particular trait of hers that he loved her for decreased, he’d have no legitimate reason to leave, since those things could be considered “superficial” reasons to love someone, and that would work both ways.

            Not to dismiss my above points, just some food for thought I was given to ponder a few days ago…

  4. says

    I don’t know if a woman would really LIKE that rich man after she got to know him and realized what his schedule was like.

    Unless she just wanted the access to money.

    In that case, a match made in heaven.

  5. says

    It’s great advice for those individuals seeking to get married. What if you are in a position where you really don’t see the value of having an SO (significant other)? If I am seriously that lonely, I can always go get a pet. And pets don’t sue you when you get rid of them.

    • Meghan says

      Thank you!

      This post screams “drama” to me! People are so shallow. I can’t imagine trying to position myself to marry someone wealthy. If I can’t make it, I don’t deserve to have it.

    • says

      @Meghan, I have a similar mindset as you. I’d rather avoid the drama that comes with dating and just build something myself. Every date is time away from the goals that I have and I much rather be spending time on things that matter to me rather than trying to “convince” someone to continue to date me. If it doesn’t work out, then perhaps it is meant to be that I don’t have it. I can always find something new to work on if a door is really truly closed. There are plenty of new opportunities that come out each and every year-so it’s just a matter of finding the right one.

      @Emily-I understand that girls want to be with a guy that is financially secure. It is easier to maintain a good relationship when there is even one less stressor to worry about. However, I make girls earn their own money if they want something. If they want to buy a new car or a new pair of shoes, then she has to save her money to get it or build a new income stream to pay it off. If she refuses to do this, then I take it that she doesn’t want whatever it is bad enough. Additionally, any assets that I have and bank accounts are left in my name only. She doesn’t get access to anything that I have paid for myself and I make sure that she can’t use my money to fund something that is silly and frivolous.

      @Financial Samurai-I think pets are a great alternative to companionship for me. I’ve had terrible luck with girls and prefer quiet. And my choice of pets are great as they are lower maintenance-scorpions really don’t require that much attention to keep alive and can be relatively quiet as pets. I do agree with you though, pets can be a pain to have to keep clean. But pets are a lot nicer than the alternatives even if it means that I have to clean up more after them.

      • gen says

        Perhaps you haven’t found the right individual for yourself. Pets are great to have. I have a very loving cat but I’m not going to marry it or build a partnership with it. I can talk to it but it won’t respond back. All people aren’t bad, you just have to explore new opportunities and work on building a bigger network of positibe, good people!

  6. says

    I never thought about finding a guy primarily because he was rich. With all the fights my parents had about money one might think I’d go chasing after only rich guys but that wasn’t the case. I was more concerned about making a career for myself and being able to make my own money because relationships are not guaranteed and I knew I would need to have money of my own to be able to survive. Insightful points in this post. I can see how a lit of rich people are self made and are very business focused.

    • says

      It just comes to me in my dreams. :)

      But also the countless private inquiries I have from women asking me how and whether I can introduce them to single rich men. Just giving audiences what they want.

      How do you come up with your topics?

  7. says

    Well, I am neither rich nor a woman looking for a rich man. Are woman just going after rich men, so they don’t have to work anymore? Maybe they just want a man that will keep up with their lifestyle. Do rich women marry other rich men?

    • says

      I think rich women are often surround by other rich people in general. Therefore the chances of marrying at the same level is much higher. It’s the same for everything.

      “To provide a fabulous life” is what one woman told me and she earns a six figure income already as a lawyer.

    • says

      Don’t think so. Rich guys just have more options and are no different from others.

      It’s funny that I don’t get inquiries about locking down a rich girl. But maybe I’ll write a similar post.

  8. Jason says

    I wouldn’t call myself wealthy, but I’m surprised at how these mental traits strike a chord with me. Did you collect these just from your experience, Sam, or was it from somewhere else?

    As for the article, I’m just glad that I’m out of the dating pool. If I were still single after FIRE, suspicion would likely end any potential romance. My only thought would be “Where were you during the hard times? Begone, treacherous gold digger!” LOL

    • says

      Jason, one of my goals as a writer/blogger is to really try and relate to my readers where the level of authenticity is so palpable it may sometimes seem as if the reader was reading back his or own words and thoughts. Thanks for sharing!

  9. says

    I disagree with the ridiculous premise of this article. Who says that women are looking for rich men, specifically, anyways? Listen, I’ve dated rich men and poor men and how much money they had (or didn’t have) never factored into the equation. I would take a poor man who loved me over a rich man who didn’t any day of the week.

    And, a I know *a lot* of women who are the breadwinners in their family. I have friends, in fact, who make so much money that their husbands choose to be stay-at-home dads! =)

    • says

      Totally agree. If you’re sole purpose in life is to marry a rich man, you obviously don’t value your abilities enough. My sister married a rich man, and she spends most nights at home and deals with all the child issues because he is always at work. I would rather be home with my teacher husband.

      I do think rich men might marry that type of woman first, but then there seems to be a high probability that he will trade her in for a younger version after the kids are born and the body just doesn’t look the same anymore, regardless of how much working out you do.

      • says

        That makes rich men seem so shallow :( Often times wealth is a by product of the man’s passion for something that has nothing to do with money. It is because he was creative, passionate, hardworking, problem solving that made him his fortune. Is that so bad?

        All a man wants at the end of the day is someone to love.

        • says

          I agree that does make rich men seem shallow and is probably a generalization. I just watched Queen of Versailles this week, so I am a bit biased at the moment. However, I also think the title of this post makes women seem very shallow. I know there are lots who look for a rich husband to make their dreams come true, but it is kind of a slap in the face to those of us who are trying to be entrepreneurs and earn our own way.

          • says

            Why would it be a slap in the face if you know many women have this concern and it’s not directed at you since you want to be the breadwinner? Should we ignore the plight and desire of others and only see our point of view?

            There are plenty of articles that address other people’s concerns online where I don’t feel slapped. So many different people have different wishes. I think we should be more open to topics to understand people.

    • says

      Oh if you could read my e-mails from women and look at the random search terms that hit Google analytics. There are many more women wondering than you believe.

      I hope one day the majority of women are breadwinners in the family. It would sure reduce stress related illnesses in men!

  10. says

    As much as I hate the idea of this article, I know there are entire websites of women looking for a sugar daddy, and rich men wanting companionship. I agree with Holly that money shouldn’t be a factor, but when one of you is rich, it most often is a factor. :(

  11. nbsdmp says

    Choosing a partner that can provide a secure future is all just part of the natural selection process…but, if you are singling out rich dudes or sugar mamas you are destined for eventual misery. Wealthy means having enough family, friends and cash to be satisfied and live a rewarding life…

      • nbsdmp says

        Of course it is rational…just like it is rational for men to go after fit women with large breasts and shapely bottoms since nature has programmed us that they give they highest probability for our offspring to survive and prosper.

  12. average guy says

    Let me tell you a story…

    When my sister and I were young and my parents took us somewhere by car, my sister would see all the cars on the road and ask, “Can we get a red convertible?”

    My mother would answer, “When you grow up, you can marry a rich man and have anything you want.”

  13. says

    I often see that the matching of rich men and women looking for money (and indeed vice-versa) primarily for the reasons of money is one of the worst possible matches for a relationship.

    However, I’m sure it works for some…

  14. Insourcelife says

    I must admit, out of all your posts these relationship type articles are the weirdest to read. Seems that most have a bit of a gold-digger slant to them.

  15. Chris says

    Really enjoy your pf posts. Don’t enjoy your relationship posts. I would say your personal relationship articles hurts the credibility of this blog.

    • says

      Thanks Chris. Could you explain why? I find the dynamics of relationship and money fascinating and many people have emailed me and searches for these answers in private before.

      In my reader survey, I had someone say that I shouldn’t write anything more about health and fitness either which I was chuckling to. Why do you think some people want to restrict what I can say and are so stringent? What else would you like me to do for you?

      • Chris says

        “How To Get A Rich Man To Be Your Boyfriend Or Husband”
        ^Relationships based on this premise are destined for failure. Relationships are based on love, friendship, mutual interests, respect, loyalty and being able to put up with your significant other’s shit after the honeymoon period is over. While a stable/successful spouse is a very desirable thing, if one’s relationship is based on money foremost, I’d expect to see the big D in the near future. Sex, money and illusions of some magical life all fade very quickly and all you’re left with is the fundamental person and all their quirks, for better or worse.

        Sure, there will always be a fringe of gold digger’s out there, but do any intelligent beings really buy into this crap for a real relationship?

        • Katie says

          It’s interesting how the subject of money is so “taboo” when it comes to relationships, even though we all know one of the biggest things married couples argue about is money.

          I like that this post gets it out of the way. Love and all that other stuff is good and all that for DATING, but for marriage? Money now enters the picture when it didn’t matter so much before. Especially if the woman wants kids. I think a lot of you guys are completely forgetting that fact. Only women can have kids, so if a woman wants to be rich (or at least have enough money to never worry about money again) and have kids (and actually be there for them), what is she meant to do?

          Men will never need to worry about this in the same way women will, even if you say you will happily be a stay-at-home dad. Well, fine, but what if the woman wants to be a stay-at-home mum? Then guess what? The MAN needs to go out and earn the money… for women, it’s easier to find a man with money first, then to get a poor man and somehow make him make money.

          I personally do not want to have stress in my life because a man isn’t able to make enough money to support me and my future kids. I also do not want to be one of those workaholic women who only see their kids after work. Women want to find rich husbands because of the need for kids.. not because they want a new car or a new Gucci bag.

          • Ryan says

            Interesting points… While it’s true that money is a leading cause of divorces and fights in marriage, it seems like this is somewhat traceable back to dating…

            Did the couple ever talk about their ambitions, dreams and future life? Were kids a definite yes, no or maybe?

            Some of these answers remain undefined or even unchanged until years into the marriage, at which point their is a difference/change in desire. Then, money can come into play, as well as resent over lack of it.

            As far as the question of what can a woman do if she wants to have plenty of money to support her and her kids.. I think I agree to an extent, but to play devil’s advocate:

            Couldn’t she become wealthy through her own means? And then adopt children? Or then marry a man who is doing well, but isn’t rich?

            It seems strange/interesting that the burden is on THE MAN to make the money for what THE WOMAN wants WITHOUT apparently consulting with him to see if that’s what he wants as well…
            Like, “go make serious money so we can live how I want to live, and make it snappy!”

            Seems like the process of you getting wealthy doesn’t appeal to you because it will take too much time (don’t want to be a workaholic mom who has no time to see her kids, totally agree, but); you want to only consider a man who has gone through this process and been successful, and then he is only useful for helping fulfill the life YOU want? I may be missing something, but that seems a little unreasonable….

            And for the last part about “only wanting money to support kids”… I wish I could agree, but based on experience (sure, you can dismiss it as anecdotal, but I’ve talked to hundreds if not thousands of girls, and get similar answers from them all, so I think there’s something to it…), girls want all the nice pretty things MORE than they want kids.

            In fact, a majority (75%+) of these women I’ve talked to, who want a man with lots of money tell me they DON’T WANT kids, which turns this theory (about women only caring about money for it’s value on raising kids) on its head, IMO.

            I’m not saying women can’t like the new cars, name brand accessories and all that (which I should note that I would love to give her), but that is, in my experience, the Primary reason, not secondary reason they’re seeking someone with money.

            I think you’re portraying women in a little too glorious of a light, that they only want money for it’s utilitarian value of raising kids and supporting themselves, when, as much or more more than anything, they want all the nice things too….

            • Katie says

              Well, the reason it seems like the burden is on the MAN to make money is because, last I checked, most men are not very interested at looking after kids. Especially in Asian countries, most of the men do not want to bother with kids at all and dump it all on the woman.

              Obviously, I’m not saying all men are this way, but I think for the most part, unless a man is born with more nurturing qualities and prefer to change diapers, cook and clean as a full time job, I’d bet guys generally don’t know much about that stuff (or would to do it to the standard a woman would prefer) and therefore prefers the woman to do most of that “stuff”.

              Sure, in an ideal world, a woman should be able to make her fortune and also have enough time to date, get married and have kids. Unfortunately, the problem is time. Getting rich takes a lot of time and it’s a myth that once you make enough money, you can just sit back and relax (actually the opposite). But with that said, this is not impossible but I do think it’s “harder” for a woman to become financially rich and THEN have kids (like when she’s 35-40) then the other way around. Mainly because by the time you become “rich”, you’re used to that lifestyle. To switch roles and suddenly be a stay at home mum and not worry about money anymore.. well does that happen when your source of income is solely on you?

              You’re right I may be portraying women too gloriously, but I suspect the kind of women you’re talk to are young (early 20s). Of course young women fantasize about having money and spending it more than having kids. But despite what these women say, thoughts of kids will come up eventually.. either as a way to “secure” the man or their priorities will change; believe it or not, women will get bored and if a rich man can’t offer love and attention as readily as a poor man will, kids will do the job!

    • Janey says

      I for one really appreciate the guts and honesty Sam has for writing about such topics. Being able to go out on a limb on a topic where so many women and men think about but are too afraid to address provides huge credibility in my mind. It also shows Sam isn’t just writing posts so he can make money only.

      You are a reader with no blog, who doesn’t write, and who gets to consume content for free. Here you are complaining about credibility? Give me a break.

      • Chris says

        “Guts and honesty” Really? For an article about Gold Digger’s? I work with a few thousand brave young men and women who deploy to the desert every day, that takes guts.

        “Credibility” Really? For writing about doomed fringe relationships?

        “isn’t writing posts so he can make money only” Hmmmm, think about that one again, this blog and its affiliations are all about making money, and that’s ok.

        True, I have no blog and am a consumer of PF blogs only, a point not lost on me and that I freely give to Sam (backup a couple posts and read my comments), however, I call bullshit when I see it Janey. Though I disagree with Sam on occasion, I make an effort to give him a hat tip as well for the massive effort he puts into his posts-this isn’t lost on me.

        As far as credibility goes, I’ve been married to my lady for 6 years, worked for the same employer for 15 years and am 5 years away from FI. I even show my ugly mug on postings. What else you looking for?

  16. Hiro says

    Thanks Sam for an amazing article.

    I’m in the early 30s, broke up with my gf and been single in the last 8 months. I don’t consider myself wealthy but based on your wealth index I’m in the upper range. Going through the dating scene now I can perfectly related to all of your points above. Gotta admit that it is not easy to find your better half so instead I am focusing to be a better me.

  17. says

    Your post made me think of this viral e-mail that went around a few years back from a 25-year old girl looking for a wealthy man ($250,000 will not get her Central Park West so you need half a million to be up to her standards). In response, a banker calls this a bad business deal and a depreciating asset. An interesting read if you haven’t seen it already.

  18. B says

    My dad is a ‘rich man’ and my mom a trophy wife. I love them both, but growing up I knew I never wanted to be my mom. She doesn’t have a lot of autonomy in their relationship. She has a beautiful life, but it’s always been subject to his approval. That said, now it would be hard to find a man who lives up to my dad, even though I wouldn’t want to be my mom, I still wouldn’t want to marry less than my dad.

    Anyways, good advice for single women. I think there comes a point in most of our lives where a successful man becomes more attractive to us than a pretty man. Maybe this happens at about 25. I’m attending the wedding this weekend of a friend who is marrying a very successful guy and he is totally smitten by her – she is gorgeous, a fantastic surfer (better than him), a great cook and has a good legal career of her own.

    • says

      Ahh, a beautiful life with a lack of autonomy. What a predilection of sorts. To be autonomous is glorious. It is why so many long to quit their jobs and do something on their own. Unfortunately, it often takes money to be autonomous and it’s hard to have everything all the time.

      I love weddings! Such happy times. I’ve never not cried at one yet. Wise words on there comes a point. I can’t really say anything as a man, but maybe you can elaborate better.

      What is your current situation?

      • B says

        It was a tear jerker. Hawaiians really throw the best weddings – so beautiful and fun. They embody true love. My situation is almost single for the first time and almost hired into my dream job in academia and almost the happiest I’ve ever been!

  19. says

    Wow…. ;) So what does it say if both my wife and I were both dirt poor when we first met? At the end of the day, money is money but we appreciate our time together and building wealth together. On a side note, your post reminds me of Eddie Murphy, back in the day, as he was always talking about wanting a woman who would want to be with him because of him and not his money.

    • says

      A level headed response. May I ask why you think some have taken offense to this post? Does it undermine people? Because from all the conversations and inquiries this topic seems highly interesting to women and men.

  20. K says

    I’ve been waiting to respond to this because I’m pretty ambivalent about this subject.

    I wonder, though, is your article based on pointers from successful gold diggers, or from rich men knowing what they are looking for?

    Because, well, I could probably give you some pointers from real successful gold diggers. I hail from the land of gold diggers, where competition is fierce the above list is not enough. In another life, I sort of…was one.

    Until the day I fell in love with a poor guy who was the love of my life and I decided that I had all the tools to become wealthy on my own. Also, most people don’t share your respect for “resourceful women”. Being an Asian female, society is specifically very hard on “young pretty Asian girls with old rich white guys.” I didn’t want to be that chick. And I didn’t want all of my accomplishments, even if I genuinely did it on my own, to be because I married some wealthy powerful guy. I had been through enough crap not being given enough credit for my accomplishments in my life because I was “pretty”, but I’d lose ALLLL of my credit, past and future, if I married some rich dude. I wanted the respect that came with earning it all on my own. I grew up poor, I worked hard for everything I had, and I didn’t want to be seen as someone who took the easy way out. I mean, I worked hard in school, went to a Tier 1 US college, and studied abroad at one of the highest ranked universities in the world, for what, to impress a rich dude with clever conversation that they don’t usually hear coming out of a model chick’s mouth?

    Anyway, rant over. It’s just ironic sometimes, because there are those, probably you too, Sam, that would say I made the wrong choice. It seems like nowadays that would be the consensus. They would say so because they were never in a similar situation, never had been presented with a such a choice, and think the choice would be so logical, so easy.

    I love my children and my husband and wouldn’t trade them for the world. But it is weird sometimes, to remember who I used to be. What I used to look like. The keys to the mansion and Ferrari I used to have. Seeing people on TV and magazines that I used to have dinner with. While the new people around me fantasize about that life and saying they would drop everything for it. The same people would be so quick to tear me apart if I ever told them who I used to be though!!! There’s double standard for ya!

    I suppose this is why I feel ambivalent about the subject. I’ve been on both sides of the story. Who I am today is someone who is motivated to BE someone on my own–I’m the breadwinner, I need to prove to myself I can do this. But I suppose for the women who really want to lock down a rich dude, I can advise. It would be fun to talk about it like that. I never really have before.

    • says

      I think I know exactly how you feel. It must also feel annoying to be discredited based on your looks. How awesome does it feel to make it on your own yeah?

      I’m all for more pointers “from successful gold diggers” if you would like to share. The article is based off my personal thoughts and experiences as well as insights from women who have explicitly told me this is their goal.

      It’s fun to think back to how we were and who we are now.

      • K says

        I’m glad you know how I feel, it means a lot. I don’t even talk about that period of my life with anyone or these feelings, and it’s nice to hear that you agree I should feel awesome for making it on my own. I don’t get discredited anymore because I don’t look that way anymore–older now, dress differently, different hair color, carry myself differently, etc. I also gravitated towards a career/office in which I am rarely ever seen by anyone, 99% of the work I do is on the phone and computer and I have my own office. I’m also totally google clean and have no pictures of myself floating about the net connected with my current name.

        Anyway, Sam, you did it again. You had me doing some serious introspection over the past few days thinking about that period in my life and what kind of “advice” I could give. And, well, I concluded that I have no advice to give, and that I wasn’t really a golddigger (I was labeled one after the fact by “friends” with double standards). I actually did not have a method I could share and nothing I did or what happened to me can really be replicated. I was not looking for a rich guy, it wasn’t even a goal. I didn’t go places looking for one hoping some would be there to meet, I didn’t know who was who when I went out, I didn’t dress or put on airs when around certain people. And, because I come from the land of golddiggers, I used to deliberately avoid and get grossed out by old rich dudes who would try to hit on me and put as much distance as possible between that “kind of girl” and me. Until, I finally did start dating rich guys, of which there were only two in my history, AND, they didn’t take care of me, they didn’t give me anything I couldn’t get even at that time on my own. Also, THEY found and pursued ME. And, gasp! I had a genuine connections with them!

        I just wrote pretty much the whole story of how both of those relationships happened, and then deleted them because I think it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to post on a public site.

        But I just want to say that you shouldn’t shy away from your controversial posts. You said your goal was to incite introspection and you have done just that. Forcing myself to think about it was better than therapy.

        Thank you again, Sam.

  21. K says

    I also wanted to mention that I think that in general, your article is good relationship advice period. Not just for women who want a rich guy, but for any woman who wants any guy. Most guys think the way you describe in your article! And most women do not think/act the way you describe in this article! So it’s good advice period. A good lesson to be learned form this article is that too many women approach men with the mindset “what can he do for me?” when women should try to think about what they bring to a relationship too.

  22. Diana says

    I dated a rich man for 7 months. I was not interested in him at the start. He pursued me. I had always been anti dating a rich guy as I didn’t want to look like a glorified prostitute. I am self employed, and put 2 kids through college. I run my own life.
    Then I fell for him…..
    He was very good to me, we connected on every level…
    Then the magic day came… I had a bump in the road with my business, and was feeling emotional leading up to this day.
    The day I asked him to help me financially (because I needed it) is the very day he suddenly broke it off…. I never asked for a thing, I pay for my own possessions etc.
    I was shattered that he did not have my back….. I wasn’t asking for a dress…. It was important…
    To this day I’m terrified if trusting or loving a man again…
    He said he was worried I was too emotional and would become dependent on him….
    Meanwhile I am here giving him my time, love and attention, moving my schedule to suit his corporate schedule as we would never see each other or find a connection otherwise. He agreed and was thankful that I would do this. It was the first time I really put a man first…

    • says

      Yikes, sorry to hear about him not having your back. I would have helped you out 100%, no matter what. In fact, it would be my honor if you were my lady.

      How did you get through the process?

  23. Diana says

    With great difficulty. I was and still am trying to find answers, researching, reading the mentality behind it. I mean could he be so insecure to think that I could not love him for him? And I did not appreciate not having my back the most….. I still really love him, I don’t care about dinners and trips I get those anyway on my own in my line of work.
    But I can’t be with someone who could wave a magic wand and have my back easily… And Not..
    When a regular guy would and did help in a minute flat…

    • says

      Some rich guys have this fear complex that all they have will soon be gone if they don’t ring-fence their wealth. Maybe he grew up extremely poor and has fears of going back. Maybe he’s heard too many stories of swindle. Or maybe he’s secretly looking for someone who is wealthier. It is tough to say. Sometimes, the more you make the stingier you become.

      BTW, how did you stumble across this article anyway? I’m always curious to know. thx

    • Katie says

      Maybe that’s true. But personally, with rich/successful guys, asking for money is like the WORST thing you can do. Even if your kids are like dying or you have to live on the street. You should be REALLY careful (and really just avoid altogether) asking for financial help of any kind. Just drop hints you’re struggling financially and if he really cares about you, HE will make the decision to give you money (and really the decision needs to be his). This is SO important.

      I know because being someone who came from no money to suddenly making money, all my poor friends seemed to suddenly want to borrow money. And in the end, due to money, I’m not friends with those people any more.

      Hence why, I mention this. It’s not because rich/successful guys don’t care or love you, but money often is a VERY sensitive issue, so you need to tread carefully. If you do it right, they will happily hand money over without you ever needing to ask for a penny.

  24. Sheryl says

    Can a wealthy man marry another wealthy woman. I am considered over ambitious and according to my parents, my overambitiousness is unhealthy for a lady like me because they think I ll never get married. They say men will be afraid of me.

    • says

      Good questions. I’ve heard this intimidation excuse a lot. It depends more on personality and appearance imo.

      I think wealthy women are great! I’m just scared of really aggressive women… but that’s just my own personal preference. Everyone is different.

  25. Vera says

    An interesting article. I won’t go into details or start any arguing, but my first thought was what an idiot has written this article, especially the second half – the advices for women. The article made me laugh. Where does your experience come from? Some of the advices as I think are exactly the opposite of what the woman should do. When I tried to show interest at dating sites and asked men questions about their jobs – they just disappeared or avoided answering. If the woman goes away for 3 months as it was adviced to follow her goals or goes away to parties alone with friends all the times – I doubt any man, not only a rich man, will be happy with, when she returns back no wonder if she finds some substitute at her place. Wearing comfortable clothes as advised like jeans and trainers won’t attract anyone. If I wear that and I do, men just don’t turn their heads. But if some less atractive woman passes by in short skirt and high heels she is still looked at. One important thing was missed, rich men want only women under 30 or under 25, if you are older than that the chances are deminishing increasingly. It seems these advices saying that the woman should be independent to attract a man concern the middle class men which are well off. Would be more helpful if the article described how to find a man who is rich for good human qualities and good traits of character or the one who preserved these traits of character in spite of getting rich and wasn’t spoilt by wealth.

    • says

      One of my best advice for you is to not call men idiots. That might help increase your luck.

      Second, communication skills are really important (speaking, writing in shorter paragraphs, etc). I think you need to work on that if you speak close to the way you write.

      Good luck.

  26. brian says

    I agree with nearly every thing in this article and find it spot on. Especially the part about how a woman’s body and health is more important than beauty.

    For my case though I disagree that money makes me feel more attractive. I’m rather reserved with how I use my money as well. I don’t spend it on things that show wealth like cars and clothing. I usually spend it on things that I enjoy but others won’t see like Good restaurants business class flights and really good cooking apparatus. This mindset of I want to shop among everyone else in walmart with millions in the bank and not a single other person would know it is likely because I don’t want a woman to want me for my money. I want her to want me for my hardworking ethics and I seek that in a woman mostly as well.

  27. Allie says

    My daughter is a pretty young lawyer from a middle class family and is married to a handsome young, rich doctor from a wealthy family. All things being equal, what seemed to charm him the most was that, although she had dated many men over the years, she had only been intimate with one man before him. He was actually quite sexually active before he met my daughter(which is why she insisted on std testing before they were intimate!). Anyway, I guess what I’m getting at is that even though she is beautiful, fit, smart, and has many of the other attributes mentioned in the article; I think what made her stand out above the rest to him was that she had respect for herself and in turn, he valued her highly and wanted her to be his wife and the mother to his children.

    • MemeMa says

      Amen, mama! That’s me in a nutshell, but waiting to meet the right guy! Thanks for sharing that there are guys out there who see the worth of reaching for the apples at the top of the tree.

  28. memsy says

    I met a rich guy a week ago , he is really handsome and all. He started talking dirty with me on our chats and i played along. He then suggested that we meet in his office and have some fun , i told him that i really like him but i am not that kinda gal. He started telling me about how he has taste , class in women and has dated a lot of celebs and travelled the world. I felt so bad .He even said that difficult women turn him off . Now i am in a dilemma . I really like this guy but i dont want to compromise my values for that. What should i do ….

    • heartsandarrows says

      He’s playing you. 100 percent. He’s trying to make you feel bad, he’s trying to make you feel like you are making a poor choice that you are insignificant. Look, abusive men don’t have to have a hunch back or be cruel 100 percent all of the time, its a fact that the men who don’t get away with more abuse, and if you try to make things work with this guy you will only get more abuse.

      What you should really do is tell him to back off, show no weakness. Don’t smile apologetically, don’t say sorry, just assert your will.

  29. heartsandarrows says

    I never dated a rich guy but I dated a guy who came from a former rich family, meaning he was raised in a rich environment. He has total entitlement issues, no one has ever told him “no” so he gets very unstable, he will try to punish you emotionally, threaten to kill himself etc. If he feels you are getting out of his control he will attack whatever he feels is giving you “strength” to challenge him. He has racist, sexist views and of course he cannot even begin to understand the wrongness of it because he’s so immersed in white rich culture. For example he believes women should owe him if he’s done something “nice” to them, (oh and you certainly can’t turn down any gifts, and if it’s totally unprompted and you didn’t want it then you are just ungrateful!) he believes that he deserves, as in entitled, to a “nice woman”, well you can’t deserve people because you can’t own people. Also he feels that he’s had “no help’ and he got everything he did by himself. That is SO laughable, he got two cars, paid college tuition, several loans and his mother and sister are always there to aid him in food and clothes, a free roof over his head into his mid twenties. Damn, I wish I had as much as “no help” as he did.

    Advice, never compromise with guys, you only give them control over your life, YOUR life, and they will guilt you and manipulate you and tell you you are a bad person but in my honest opinion and literally the best thing I’ve ever done was to “brutally” put my foot down. It took two weeks because he just wouldn’t give up, crying and saying he was going to kill himself (because I told him a. I don’t care to hear about his “superior” arguments against feminists or black people r anything at all and then b. when I ignored him or get this, DIDN’T SEEM HAPPY when he ignored my request started crying, telling me I became an awful person and how I make him want to kill himself.)

  30. Anne says

    How insightful but I have a question, FS. I believe wealthy people tend to be savers that live ridiculoulsy below their means. I haven’t been impressed with the yacht/gold club types (‘big hat, no cattle’ phenomenon). I do free clubs and activities, which just reflect a cross-section of society.

    So… where are they really? Sounds like they are, like me, at the office working late on their own. :(

  31. meher says

    Dear Samurai,

    Thank you for the article. Apart from providing the very obvious tips it also gave a huge insight to the life of the wealthy – how they think and what they value. And how to think like the wealthy. I *loved* the article. Made the rich more human.

    As for the very emotional and negative comments – maybe its because people don’t want to believe that its so easy to get a rich husband/boyfriend. That the core was ‘self-value’. That money isn’t a demon. That it offers choices and experiences and satisfaction from life. This article makes us question ourselves and then when we don’t like what we realise….then we lash out.

    It was beautifully written. Again. Thank you.

  32. Anusha Illukkumbura says

    Once I had a short relationship with a Rich boy who was 4.5 yrs younger than me. Then I dumped him because I got to know he is a flirty. But we are still good friends and he still appreaciate me. At that time what I understood is for a Richman what is more important is if you will accept him even without his money. This boy I met was the only son of a rich dad. So he mostly attract women for his money. But if you can appreaciate him for himself , he will fall for you more than anyone else. And of course Richmen like independant women. If you can show him you do not want his money, but only him that will be a big plus.

  33. Limerence says

    Hi, got to this post because I am finding myself in a similar situation. I met him at a conference and I was my friendly self. He had the sincerest smile and I found him interesting. I was surprised that he invited me for dinner afterwards.
    The following day we met and that’s when I realized how rich he is. I automatically got intimidated and completely “freaked” at how much much he is out of my league.
    By the way, he is 22 years older than me. When we met, he automatically concluded that I was older because of my position in the industry.
    He would text me each morning when he wakes and at night before he sleeps…and would call me at least once a day. It feels wonderful but I am scared. (Of what, I am not sure) He is usually formal when we meet. But can get free with his emotions in texts.
    He has invited me for an overnight stay in one of his beach houses as his guest but I have not yet obliged him. I feel it is too soon.
    For someone who is secured in herself, I suddenly feel nervous around him. I feel like I suddenly don’t know anything. I am even tempted to end whatever this is that is starting. Help!

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