Feeling Down And Out In This Perfect World

Frowning French Bulldog On A LeashYou can’t deny how someone feels. They just do and you’ve got to accept it. Maybe the color blue looks different between two people. We’ll never know because we can only know ourselves.

I started this site as a way to deal with the agony of the financial meltdown in 2008-2009. I needed to find a way to let the pain escape in a healthy way. Drugs and booze were not an option although tempting they were.

This site has always been about introspection. To understand why we think the way we think. To understand our inconsistencies. To talk about issues that are on so many people’s minds but cannot be publicly discussed due to fear of persecution.

Since my very first post over four years ago I’ve been able to reconcile the stupidity of my multitude of financial mistakes. I’ve met many friends online who are also on uncertain paths to financial independence. We’ve shared victories and defeats, but I thought there would be more people like me who fear being alone, going broke, or being a failure to our family. Lately, I feel like I’m the only loser around.

THE PERFECT WORLD FULL OF PERFECT PEOPLE

My Fear Of Becoming A Father

The Kiss At Bay 2 Breakers SF

“The Kiss” At Bay 2 Breakers SF

Some of you have privately inquired what’s gotten into me lately, writing so many relationship type posts. The simple answer is that I’m petrified about being a father. More specifically, I’m worried that I am going to be a horrible father to a daughter.¬†Women are complicated enough. To add a daughter into the mix is absolutely terrifying.

I can imagine my teenage daughter coming home one day crying because her boyfriend dumped her for another girl. I turn to her mother, “Honey, I’ll be right back. I need to go break some bones.”

No matter what I say, she won’t come out of her room so I begin to wonder whether she’s OK. Her heartbreak is my heartbreak. And as a father, I know she will tell me that I just don’t understand what she’s going through.

All I can do is be patient and be there for her when she finally opens up. In the meantime, I pray to God she’s doing nothing to hurt herself. I also pray these are the times when her mother will be able to calm her soul and ease her pain. Feeling helpless to help someone you love is horrible.

I want my daughter to find the love of her life early on and never break up. I want her to be brilliant, beautiful, and happy. By the time she graduates from college, I hope society treats men and women perfectly the same. Let there not be arcane tax laws, pay differentials, and old boys clubs with glass ceilings. I hope she never experiences tremendous loss.

Perhaps I overanalyze things too much. There are millions of fathers who manage just fine. But I’m the student who never believes he’s smart enough to finish an exam with 30 minutes to spare so I check every single answer twice over. My friends say that nobody will ever truly be ready for fatherhood. I know they are right so I continue to write and hope that one day I will better understand.

For those of you who are fathers of daughters, or parents in general, how did you prepare? Where were expectations about parenthood different from reality? What were some things that really came out of left field which left you completely dumbfounded? For those of you with multiple kids, how do you do it?

Thanks,

Sam

In Defense Of Resourceful Women – Let’s Fix The Double Standard

"He said he'd love me tenderly"

“He said he’d love me tenderly”

In “If You Were Broke Would You Settle For Someone Less Than Ideal,” poor Amanda was destined to fail in comparison to six figure earning Victoria the way I wrote the comparison. I didn’t do a good enough job painting Amanda’s situation as a woman who was just getting over heart break and not looking for anything serious. It was easy for readers to paint Amanda as the villain for accepting financial assistance from a potential suitor.

Despite my own admission that I, too, would settle for someone in exchange for financial assistance, it was interesting to see 100% of the assault go to Amanda and not myself. Spend some time reading the comments. Perhaps it’s easier to look down upon a stranger rather than a familiar host. But what I hypothesize is that there is a HUGE double standard between men and women that cannot easily be eradicated.

It’s easy for those of us in good relationships or those who have money to dismiss settling for money and someone when we really can’t say! It’s like a billionaire telling us we should all pay more taxes while he continues to pay a 15% effective tax rate due to most of her income coming from long term dividends. Please don’t judge others if you aren’t in their shoes.

Now that you know the true goal of the “If You Were Broke” post to highlight double standard attitudes between men and women, I’d like to craft an argument as to why it’s OK to be a resourceful person. In the future, I’d like for all of you who love to criticize people about their choices to consistently criticize everybody all the time. Equality for all!

THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING RESOURCEFUL

How To Get A Rich Man To Be Your Boyfriend Or Husband

"She said she'd never let me go."

“She said she’d never let me go.”

Out of the 140 million tax returns filed in the United States every year, about 1.4 million make an adjusted gross income of over $380,000 a year. Now imagine if there were 1.4 million undead zombies roaming the country. They’d be everywhere!

Most would agree that a top 1% income is rich wherever you live. However, some will say you’re just middle class if you’ve got to pay for private school tuition in cities such as San Francisco, New York, Paris, and London! Given it is one of our mantras to always describe ourselves as middle class, being called financially average is a blessing.

Regardless of what your true financial definition of rich is, your mission if you choose to accept is to lock down one of the 1.4 million+ rich people the IRS knows about to marry you. The one tautology about money is that once you have money, you don’t worry as much about not having money. And when you worry less about money, you get to fight more about all the other joys in a relationship.

This article will provide some insights into how single men with over $380,000 a year in income or net worths of over $1 million dollars think about women and marriage. Once you understand such a man’s fears and hopes, you are well on your way to living the good life!

HOW GOOD RICH MEN THINK 

How Amazing Is Your Fabulous Life? Understanding What Is FOMO

FOMO With FriendsA news reporter chased me down on the Upper West Side the other day asking whether I could share my thoughts on FOMO. I had no idea what he was talking about.

FOMO, you know, the fear of missing out! Doctors are diagnosing kids with FOMO more frequently nowadays because schools aren’t allowing kids to have their smartphones in class all day. They start to suffer from anxiety and lack of concentration for not being able to keep up with what their friends are doing,” the reporter explained.

My initial reaction was, “Oh, the cruelty!” for not allowing a smartphone in class. When I was in business school, the only way I could get through the torture of Operations Management class was to play online poker tournaments online! My phone and laptop allowed me to feign supreme concentration as I practiced my poker face. Shhh, don’t tell my professor.

The skeptic in me kicked in as I asked the reported, “C’mon, FOMO. Really? Just another new catchy term for an age old affliction coined by therapists to make some extra bucks. How can there really be FOMO when everybody on Facebook is always on permanent vacation? Friends are always checking into wonderful restaurants and clubs on Foursquare, which of course is connected to Twitter and then back to Facebook just to make sure everybody knows what they’re up to. Our amazing lives are fabulous!”

UNDERSTANDING THE FEAR OF MISSING OUT